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1
00:00:00,086 --> 00:00:03,326
Is Harrison your real name?
Every word is a lie.
2
00:00:03,328 --> 00:00:08,156
He wasn't nasty.
He'd stolen a square meal.
3
00:00:08,158 --> 00:00:11,128
ELLIE: A Banksy is worth millions.
4
00:00:11,130 --> 00:00:13,307
I get to interview Judith Tyzack.
5
00:00:13,309 --> 00:00:15,688
I didn't realise that you were gay.
6
00:00:15,690 --> 00:00:18,008
It's not why I invited you here.
You thought that I'm...?
7
00:00:18,010 --> 00:00:19,208
No!
8
00:00:19,210 --> 00:00:20,888
Ted! How are we all?
9
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:22,528
We love him! We could put them up
10
00:00:22,530 --> 00:00:24,808
for a couple of
nights, couldn't we?
11
00:00:24,810 --> 00:00:26,328
I do think he is losing it a bit.
12
00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:27,768
Where is he?
13
00:00:27,770 --> 00:00:29,090
Ted!
14
00:01:21,130 --> 00:01:23,808
ALAN: Ooh, asparagus!
Pushing the boat out.
15
00:01:23,810 --> 00:01:25,688
Thank you.
16
00:01:25,690 --> 00:01:28,370
It's very nice with, um,
poached egg.
17
00:01:29,610 --> 00:01:33,568
And a bit of cod. Someone's in
for a treat at teatime.
18
00:01:33,570 --> 00:01:37,048
Have you tried asparagus
with scrambled eggs and truffle oil
19
00:01:37,050 --> 00:01:39,968
and a bit of Parmesan? No.
We had it in Cornwall. Cornwall!
20
00:01:39,970 --> 00:01:41,528
And we had it with a glass of
champagne.
21
00:01:41,530 --> 00:01:43,328
HE CHORTLES
22
00:01:43,330 --> 00:01:45,928
You all right, Alan? Oh...!
23
00:01:45,930 --> 00:01:48,848
Well, well, well. Look who's here.
You got t'job, then?
24
00:01:48,850 --> 00:01:50,768
You owe me an explanation.
25
00:01:50,770 --> 00:01:52,048
And an apology.
26
00:01:52,050 --> 00:01:54,208
Nice to see you again.
Settling in all right?
27
00:01:54,210 --> 00:01:57,088
Are you collecting your vouchers,
love? Oh, yeah, thanks.
28
00:01:57,090 --> 00:01:58,448
Do you want a hand
bagging up there, missis?
29
00:01:58,450 --> 00:02:00,490
No! Get your mucky hands off.
30
00:02:01,650 --> 00:02:02,848
Do you know him?
31
00:02:02,850 --> 00:02:06,328
No, not... Look, if David cops you,
there'll be bother.
32
00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:07,728
Yeah, but I ain't nicked owt.
33
00:02:07,730 --> 00:02:09,410
I don't do that sort of thing any
more.
34
00:02:10,450 --> 00:02:13,370
Full of sugar, them.
Want to be careful.
35
00:02:14,610 --> 00:02:17,528
What time does your shift
finish, Alan? Who wants to know?
36
00:02:17,530 --> 00:02:18,808
I thought we could get
hot chocolate together.
37
00:02:18,810 --> 00:02:21,248
Upstairs in t'cafe. With whipped
cream and sprinkles.
38
00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:22,488
They do chips as well.
39
00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:23,928
Why aren't you at school?
40
00:02:23,930 --> 00:02:25,568
Oh, that's a waste of time.
41
00:02:25,570 --> 00:02:26,928
I know it all already.
42
00:02:26,930 --> 00:02:29,128
Oh, is that it?
I just upset all the other kids.
43
00:02:29,130 --> 00:02:32,730
I make 'em feel, you know...
44
00:02:34,170 --> 00:02:35,488
..inadequate.
45
00:02:35,490 --> 00:02:37,288
There you go, love. Thank you.
Thank you.
46
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:38,688
Take care.
47
00:02:38,690 --> 00:02:39,730
Mind how you go.
48
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,810
Do you like little boys, Alan?
49
00:02:55,530 --> 00:02:58,530
You're targeting the wrong
person, Harrison.
50
00:02:59,650 --> 00:03:01,050
Can you lend me 50 pence?
51
00:03:02,570 --> 00:03:06,328
Well...I can give you 50 pence.
52
00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:10,490
Make it a fiver and I'll make
sure nobody touches your car.
53
00:03:12,370 --> 00:03:17,088
I can only repeat, you're targeting
the wrong fella, Harrison.
54
00:03:17,090 --> 00:03:19,048
I've been on this planet 82 years,
55
00:03:19,050 --> 00:03:21,168
and if there's one thing I've
learnt,
56
00:03:21,170 --> 00:03:23,248
it's to not pander to bullies,
57
00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:27,450
who, usually,
haven't thought things through.
58
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:32,048
CHECKOUT BEEPS
What you doing? I was only joking.
59
00:03:32,050 --> 00:03:33,970
I'm short of pound coins.
60
00:03:35,050 --> 00:03:37,370
Thought you were getting me
chucked out.
61
00:03:39,050 --> 00:03:43,088
David told me that, er,
you live at a foster home
62
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:46,248
up Norland. Do you? Oh, it's just
a temporary arrangement
63
00:03:46,250 --> 00:03:50,328
while me dad gets back from Los
Angeles. I thought he was in Dubai.
64
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:51,770
He gets all over.
65
00:03:53,010 --> 00:03:56,488
He said you run away
and live in folks' sheds.
66
00:03:56,490 --> 00:03:57,490
Do you?
67
00:03:58,490 --> 00:03:59,568
No.
68
00:03:59,570 --> 00:04:01,488
Why aren't you at school?
69
00:04:01,490 --> 00:04:03,208
A bright lad like you.
70
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:05,888
I don't fit in.
I don't believe that.
71
00:04:05,890 --> 00:04:08,968
I get picked on, and they never know
what to do with me.
72
00:04:08,970 --> 00:04:11,328
And they never know me name, cos
I'm not there often.
73
00:04:11,330 --> 00:04:14,010
And it'd help if
I concentrated...
74
00:04:15,690 --> 00:04:17,010
..apparently, but...
75
00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:20,248
All right, Alan?
76
00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:24,208
Oh, yeah, I'm short of pound coins.
77
00:04:24,210 --> 00:04:26,728
You can get off on your break,
actually, if you like.
78
00:04:26,730 --> 00:04:29,968
Ooh, smashing. Can you remember how
to log yourself out of your till?
79
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:33,168
Er, yeah... Oh, I think so.
80
00:04:33,170 --> 00:04:35,848
That's it. Am I having that
50 pence or what?
81
00:04:35,850 --> 00:04:37,688
No, not right now you're not.
82
00:04:37,690 --> 00:04:40,048
We're not allowed cash on us,
not on t'shop floor.
83
00:04:40,050 --> 00:04:41,968
Why? Don't they trust you?
Is he pestering you?
84
00:04:41,970 --> 00:04:44,250
No! No, not really.
85
00:04:45,970 --> 00:04:47,728
What about that hot
chocolate, then?
86
00:04:47,730 --> 00:04:50,608
I've got a phone call to make.
87
00:04:50,610 --> 00:04:53,810
I'll go upstairs
and wait for you, Alan.
88
00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:12,368
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
89
00:05:12,370 --> 00:05:16,688
No, no, it will be there.
I guarantee it. Yeah.
90
00:05:16,690 --> 00:05:19,090
No.
Here we go, lads.
91
00:05:20,210 --> 00:05:21,488
Two with sugar, one without.
92
00:05:21,490 --> 00:05:23,168
And some biscuits.
93
00:05:23,170 --> 00:05:26,848
Oh, thanks, Mrs Buttershaw. I like
to keep the workers happy.
94
00:05:26,850 --> 00:05:29,528
I can guarantee it will be
tomorrow.
95
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:32,530
Maybe you could
collect a payment? Yeah.
96
00:05:38,210 --> 00:05:40,290
Just checking you've not
wandered off again.
97
00:05:41,770 --> 00:05:45,368
I shall wander off again
if you don't stop mithering me.
98
00:05:45,370 --> 00:05:47,248
Well, if you do, can you leave
a note?
99
00:05:47,250 --> 00:05:49,168
So we're not ringing the police.
100
00:05:49,170 --> 00:05:51,488
It's a bugger when a fella
can't go for a walk
101
00:05:51,490 --> 00:05:53,408
without folks calling the filth.
102
00:05:53,410 --> 00:05:55,728
It was bucketing down!
Not when I set off.
103
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,808
When I set off, it was very fair.
104
00:05:57,810 --> 00:05:59,930
Mm, so you say.
105
00:06:01,010 --> 00:06:03,888
At five o'clock in the morning!
Best time of the day.
106
00:06:03,890 --> 00:06:06,328
Look, are we really
going back over this again?
107
00:06:06,330 --> 00:06:06,328
PHONE RINGS
108
00:06:06,330 --> 00:06:09,008
Oh.
109
00:06:09,010 --> 00:06:10,930
Oh! Now what?
110
00:06:11,970 --> 00:06:13,048
Hello!
111
00:06:13,050 --> 00:06:16,288
How's it going? Well, they've made a
right mess.
112
00:06:16,290 --> 00:06:19,408
And Martin doesn't do anything,
he's just on his phone
113
00:06:19,410 --> 00:06:22,088
all day. The other two are
very polite.
114
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:24,728
Still, they've got to rip the old
kitchen out
115
00:06:24,730 --> 00:06:26,608
before they put the new one in.
116
00:06:26,610 --> 00:06:29,768
I'm just sitting here
twiddling my thumbs.
117
00:06:29,770 --> 00:06:31,088
Aren't we, Ted?
118
00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:33,048
Eh? Well, that's handy.
119
00:06:33,050 --> 00:06:35,168
Can you do summat for me?
120
00:06:35,170 --> 00:06:38,488
Can you nip down here on a bus
121
00:06:38,490 --> 00:06:41,608
and take the Lexus back
home with you?
122
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:44,128
A bus? Yeah.
123
00:06:44,130 --> 00:06:46,288
There'll be one at quarter to,
just opposite the gate.
124
00:06:46,290 --> 00:06:49,328
You can be here in 40 minutes.
Well, why?
125
00:06:49,330 --> 00:06:52,648
Oh...this little kiddie.
126
00:06:52,650 --> 00:06:54,488
Asking me for money.
127
00:06:54,490 --> 00:06:56,368
I'm sure he wouldn't really...
128
00:06:56,370 --> 00:06:57,968
A little kiddie? Well, yeah.
129
00:06:57,970 --> 00:07:00,528
He wouldn't do anything.
I just don't want
130
00:07:00,530 --> 00:07:05,528
to risk it, and I know you'd be
upset if it got scratched.
131
00:07:05,530 --> 00:07:07,448
What, you mean protection money?
132
00:07:07,450 --> 00:07:10,688
Well, yeah, but...
The little sod.
133
00:07:10,690 --> 00:07:12,810
Er, yeah... Well, ring the police.
134
00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:18,368
Oh, well, they never turn up,
apparently.
135
00:07:18,370 --> 00:07:22,810
See, this is what happens when folk
start working in supermarkets.
136
00:07:24,050 --> 00:07:25,288
Is Ted all right?
137
00:07:25,290 --> 00:07:27,648
Yeah, he's fine. He's here.
138
00:07:27,650 --> 00:07:29,928
Well, bring him down with
you on the bus.
139
00:07:29,930 --> 00:07:31,408
We don't want him
wandering off again.
140
00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:34,808
How do you fancy getting a bus down
to Sowerby Bridge, Ted?
141
00:07:34,810 --> 00:07:36,490
Oh, I like a bus ride.
142
00:07:42,130 --> 00:07:44,810
PUPILS AND TEACHER CHATTER
143
00:07:51,410 --> 00:07:52,688
Caroline!
144
00:07:52,690 --> 00:07:56,528
Judith Tyzack's PA's just
texted to say they've set off,
145
00:07:56,530 --> 00:07:59,368
so they should be here in
40 minutes.
146
00:07:59,370 --> 00:08:01,048
Oh, thanks.
So exciting!
147
00:08:01,050 --> 00:08:03,048
Everyone's absolutely buzzing!
148
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,168
That's good. Good.
149
00:08:05,170 --> 00:08:06,530
I know I am.
150
00:08:08,970 --> 00:08:10,770
Helen? Yeah.
151
00:08:12,730 --> 00:08:15,488
Just out of interest... Yeah.
152
00:08:15,490 --> 00:08:16,490
..did you, erm...
153
00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:21,688
..did you know that I'm gay?
154
00:08:21,690 --> 00:08:23,528
I think I did.
155
00:08:23,530 --> 00:08:25,808
Yeah. It's not a conversation
we've ever had, but, er...
156
00:08:25,810 --> 00:08:28,008
No, but, er...
157
00:08:28,010 --> 00:08:31,048
Now you've said it. Mmm.
158
00:08:31,050 --> 00:08:34,528
See, I thought everyone knew.
I've never hidden it, have I?
159
00:08:34,530 --> 00:08:38,088
I mean, I've never made a
song and dance about it, cos
I'm... Cos I'm not...
160
00:08:38,090 --> 00:08:41,408
Well, just cos I'm not with
anyone at the moment. But
I've never hidden it.
161
00:08:41,410 --> 00:08:43,488
My cousin's gay.
Him and his boyfr...
162
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,888
Well, he would be, wouldn't he?
His boyfriend.
163
00:08:45,890 --> 00:08:50,490
You see, I just... I mentioned it
to someone the other day.
164
00:08:51,650 --> 00:08:54,008
And this someone was really
shocked,
165
00:08:54,010 --> 00:08:56,768
in a bad way, and
it's shaken me, because...
166
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:59,088
Well, I thought people just weren't
167
00:08:59,090 --> 00:09:01,568
funny about things like that
any more,
168
00:09:01,570 --> 00:09:04,450
and I just thought
that people knew anyway.
169
00:09:06,930 --> 00:09:08,088
Anyway, thank you.
170
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:09,528
I'll catch you later.
171
00:09:09,530 --> 00:09:12,330
Do you want me to tell people?
172
00:09:13,610 --> 00:09:17,208
Er, yeah. No. Yeah, whatever.
173
00:09:17,210 --> 00:09:19,208
If it arises, sure. Not that it...
174
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:21,688
Well, why, would it?
But, yeah. If... Yeah.
175
00:09:21,690 --> 00:09:22,928
Sure.
176
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,410
Perfect. Thank you.
177
00:09:25,490 --> 00:09:26,768
Oh, hi, Ruth!
178
00:09:26,770 --> 00:09:29,728
Gosh, you must be excited! Good
luck!
179
00:09:29,730 --> 00:09:31,210
Thanks.
180
00:09:39,650 --> 00:09:41,408
I don't think I should do this.
181
00:09:41,410 --> 00:09:43,328
Why? Why not? What do you mean?
182
00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:44,608
I should've said it sooner,
183
00:09:44,610 --> 00:09:47,410
I shouldn't have left it till now,
but... Yeah, it's...
184
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:53,448
These are the questions that I
compiled, if they're any help.
185
00:09:53,450 --> 00:09:54,848
Probably best if you do it.
186
00:09:54,850 --> 00:09:56,728
Why? "Why?"
187
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,848
Well, you know her work.
You love her work.
188
00:09:58,850 --> 00:10:01,288
That's why I asked you.
Why is it better if I do it?
189
00:10:01,290 --> 00:10:03,128
No, that's not why you asked
me. No, it is.
190
00:10:03,130 --> 00:10:05,328
No, you asked me
so that I'd be grateful to you.
191
00:10:05,330 --> 00:10:06,808
Wow.
192
00:10:06,810 --> 00:10:08,208
Be honest.
193
00:10:08,210 --> 00:10:09,728
Right. And because it was
194
00:10:09,730 --> 00:10:12,330
a handy excuse to invite me round to
your house. Oh, for fuck's...
195
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:16,048
I asked you because you know her
work better,
196
00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:18,048
a lot better, than I do.
197
00:10:18,050 --> 00:10:20,448
I asked you because
I thought you'd be good at it,
198
00:10:20,450 --> 00:10:23,488
and because I thought you'd be
thrilled by the idea, and you were!
199
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:26,368
And I asked you because...
You asked me because
200
00:10:26,370 --> 00:10:28,890
you had ulterior motives.
201
00:10:31,010 --> 00:10:33,448
God, you even called your
dog after me!
202
00:10:33,450 --> 00:10:35,448
I did not call my dog after you.
203
00:10:35,450 --> 00:10:37,048
And that's why I'm not doing it.
204
00:10:37,050 --> 00:10:38,970
Because you made me feel cheap.
205
00:10:40,650 --> 00:10:42,168
So thanks, but...
206
00:10:42,170 --> 00:10:43,730
..I'm better than that.
207
00:10:45,050 --> 00:10:49,288
And you know that I am such a big
fan of hers,
208
00:10:49,290 --> 00:10:53,010
of her work. This could
have meant so much.
209
00:11:06,890 --> 00:11:08,610
Don't make me run after you.
210
00:11:10,890 --> 00:11:13,528
I can't do this,
not at this late stage.
211
00:11:13,530 --> 00:11:15,168
I don't know enough!
212
00:11:15,170 --> 00:11:18,408
It's not fair on the students,
and it's not fair on Judith.
213
00:11:18,410 --> 00:11:21,248
I was so happy,
I was so touched
214
00:11:21,250 --> 00:11:23,648
when you invited me round
for dinner.
215
00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:25,850
I thought you were being a
friend.
216
00:11:27,050 --> 00:11:29,608
And God knows
I could do with one right now.
217
00:11:29,610 --> 00:11:33,288
I've had such a shit time lately
with that bastard,
218
00:11:33,290 --> 00:11:35,568
and I thought you were being kind
219
00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:39,648
and supportive and a good
boss. I-I-I was.
220
00:11:39,650 --> 00:11:41,848
I am. I am a good...
No! You weren't.
221
00:11:41,850 --> 00:11:44,328
You just wanted to...hit on me,
222
00:11:44,330 --> 00:11:46,648
like all the other creeps
223
00:11:46,650 --> 00:11:49,648
when they can see that you're
not in a good place.
224
00:11:49,650 --> 00:11:53,090
Oh, that's... That... That's,
er... And even apart from that...
225
00:11:54,330 --> 00:11:58,250
..you're 50-odd. I'm 38.
226
00:12:00,450 --> 00:12:02,210
Look at yourself.
227
00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:26,208
Is that water?
228
00:12:26,210 --> 00:12:27,690
Or vodka?
229
00:12:28,930 --> 00:12:30,370
Don't be pathetic.
230
00:12:37,410 --> 00:12:38,970
You're not going
to make a fool of y...
231
00:12:40,290 --> 00:12:42,528
I mean, by all means
make a fool of yourself,
232
00:12:42,530 --> 00:12:44,208
but don't humiliate Caroline.
233
00:12:44,210 --> 00:12:44,208
SHE SCOFFS
234
00:12:44,210 --> 00:12:46,850
Not in front of her students.
235
00:12:48,690 --> 00:12:50,888
I'm doing Caroline a huge favour
236
00:12:50,890 --> 00:12:53,248
just by turning up, so don't
tell me how to behave.
237
00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:56,448
It's water, all right?
238
00:12:56,450 --> 00:13:00,208
If I say it's water,
why don't we just accept that?
239
00:13:00,210 --> 00:13:01,768
All right?
240
00:13:01,770 --> 00:13:03,530
It's water.
241
00:13:15,610 --> 00:13:18,688
We ought to get a little
present while we're here,
242
00:13:18,690 --> 00:13:20,848
for that fella and his dog.
243
00:13:20,850 --> 00:13:22,168
What fella?
244
00:13:22,170 --> 00:13:25,928
The fella that found you
wandering about up Norland
245
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:28,648
and rang the police.
I wasn't wandering about!
246
00:13:28,650 --> 00:13:31,168
I just wanted to see Ladstone
Rock. I told you.
247
00:13:31,170 --> 00:13:33,248
It's a wonder you're not
riddled with pneumonia.
248
00:13:33,250 --> 00:13:35,968
What a bloody lot of fuss
about nowt.
249
00:13:35,970 --> 00:13:38,248
It's no wonder Alan's gone
and got himself
250
00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:42,290
that little job, if you go on at
him the way you go on at me.
251
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:51,648
We used to walk up to
Ladstone Rock.
252
00:13:51,650 --> 00:13:53,288
Me and Alice.
253
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:55,328
Did you? From Elland.
254
00:13:55,330 --> 00:13:57,008
When we were courting.
255
00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:58,488
On a Sunday.
256
00:13:58,490 --> 00:14:00,130
She liked it up there.
257
00:14:01,370 --> 00:14:02,728
We both did.
258
00:14:02,730 --> 00:14:05,328
Alan told me you'd brought
her ashes back with you.
259
00:14:05,330 --> 00:14:05,328
Yeah.
260
00:14:05,330 --> 00:14:07,728
HE MUMBLES
261
00:14:07,730 --> 00:14:08,770
Yeah.
262
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:12,408
We're going to have to talk
properly, Ted,
263
00:14:12,410 --> 00:14:14,368
about where you're going to live.
264
00:14:14,370 --> 00:14:16,048
If you are stopping.
265
00:14:16,050 --> 00:14:18,370
I thought I was stopping with you.
266
00:14:19,530 --> 00:14:21,648
Did Alan not tell you?
CHERYL: Hello-hello-hello!
267
00:14:21,650 --> 00:14:24,048
We meet again. Hiya!
268
00:14:24,050 --> 00:14:26,448
I thought that were you,
Mr Buttershaw!
269
00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:28,088
LOUDLY: Have you recovered?
270
00:14:28,090 --> 00:14:28,088
HE SIGHS
271
00:14:28,090 --> 00:14:30,968
Mrs Buttershaw.
272
00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:34,408
What are you doing here? Well,
we came to collect the car.
273
00:14:34,410 --> 00:14:36,648
We're waiting for Alan.
Apparently, some little kid
274
00:14:36,650 --> 00:14:39,288
has threatened to damage it if he
doesn't give him some money.
275
00:14:39,290 --> 00:14:41,008
I said, "This is what happens
276
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,488
"when folk start working in
supermarkets."
277
00:14:43,490 --> 00:14:44,888
Yeah, have you seen him?
278
00:14:44,890 --> 00:14:46,368
Well, someone said they'd
seen him up here.
279
00:14:46,370 --> 00:14:49,768
No, I don't think so.
Why isn't he in school?
280
00:14:49,770 --> 00:14:53,768
Oh, er, he's a bit of
character...is Harrison.
281
00:14:53,770 --> 00:14:56,128
I'll cop him. He won't damage
your car, he's all mouth.
282
00:14:56,130 --> 00:14:59,168
Do you want a cup of tea, or...?
Not when I'm on duty.
283
00:14:59,170 --> 00:15:00,568
Go on, then.
284
00:15:00,570 --> 00:15:03,728
I was, er, saying to Ellie,
t'size of her,
285
00:15:03,730 --> 00:15:06,008
she wants to get off home
on maternity leave.
286
00:15:06,010 --> 00:15:07,968
Can you get us two teas,
Jamie? Yeah, sure.
287
00:15:07,970 --> 00:15:09,088
Ah! Here he is.
288
00:15:09,090 --> 00:15:11,168
Hey. Car keys!
289
00:15:11,170 --> 00:15:12,370
There you go.
290
00:15:14,370 --> 00:15:17,688
Oh, hello.
Mr Buttershaw.
291
00:15:17,690 --> 00:15:20,168
Well, how was the bus?
292
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:21,768
Not unpleasant.
293
00:15:21,770 --> 00:15:24,808
Except it went round about
the houses and kept stopping.
294
00:15:24,810 --> 00:15:26,530
Well, they do.
295
00:15:27,690 --> 00:15:30,448
Ted's been telling me that you've
said he can stop with us.
296
00:15:30,450 --> 00:15:32,408
When have I said that? Eh?
297
00:15:32,410 --> 00:15:36,008
I've said that is a conversation we
need to have.
298
00:15:36,010 --> 00:15:37,728
Right.
299
00:15:37,730 --> 00:15:40,568
Eh, what's all this
about this Banksy
300
00:15:40,570 --> 00:15:42,568
that's appeared on Slack
Alice's barn?
301
00:15:42,570 --> 00:15:45,168
Sorry?
Oh, it isn't a real one.
302
00:15:45,170 --> 00:15:47,728
I mean, it's very good, but I think
he'd have claimed it by now
303
00:15:47,730 --> 00:15:49,768
if it were a real one.
304
00:15:49,770 --> 00:15:52,528
You don't know.
It's been five days.
305
00:15:52,530 --> 00:15:55,368
It's very good. All this to draw
attention to herself,
306
00:15:55,370 --> 00:15:57,448
hasn't she, eh? Your Gillian?
307
00:15:57,450 --> 00:15:59,608
It could be worth a lot
of money.
308
00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:02,010
You'd think she'd know better.
309
00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:13,170
HELICOPTER OVERHEAD
310
00:16:22,610 --> 00:16:23,888
Fuck off!
311
00:16:23,890 --> 00:16:25,888
ALL: What?
312
00:16:25,890 --> 00:16:28,888
You! Sorry, love.
313
00:16:28,890 --> 00:16:30,810
Twats.
314
00:16:33,210 --> 00:16:35,010
Take your time!
315
00:16:36,170 --> 00:16:37,528
Morons.
316
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,050
Morning.
317
00:16:40,410 --> 00:16:41,528
Afternoon.
318
00:16:41,530 --> 00:16:43,168
Have you seen Angus?
319
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,368
He's gone.
320
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:46,008
They've gone.
321
00:16:46,010 --> 00:16:49,368
Gone? Both of them?
Yeah, yeah, they left. Drove off.
322
00:16:49,370 --> 00:16:52,328
Where? York, I think.
323
00:16:52,330 --> 00:16:54,968
Alyssa said she wanted to
see something in York.
324
00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:56,488
And I think Angus was
just off home
325
00:16:56,490 --> 00:16:58,168
when he'd dropped her off
at the station.
326
00:16:58,170 --> 00:16:59,888
Bitch! I know!
327
00:16:59,890 --> 00:17:01,968
She never said anything! Squeamish!
328
00:17:01,970 --> 00:17:04,850
Not wanting to listen
to other folk shagging...
329
00:17:05,930 --> 00:17:07,130
..all night.
330
00:17:08,450 --> 00:17:10,888
They were knocking on t'door
at three o'clock this morning.
331
00:17:10,890 --> 00:17:12,650
They didn't need to,
cos I never lock up.
332
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:19,568
Yeah, keep walking!
333
00:17:19,570 --> 00:17:20,770
Sorry, love!
334
00:17:21,850 --> 00:17:23,130
Tossers.
335
00:17:40,610 --> 00:17:42,170
KNOCKING
336
00:17:43,850 --> 00:17:45,888
Can I make some tea for me
and Mia?
337
00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:48,808
What's mine is yours, I've told
you. You help yourself.
338
00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:51,130
I wish that helicopter'd fuck off.
339
00:17:53,890 --> 00:17:56,048
Did you ring Sotheby's?
Yeah.
340
00:17:56,050 --> 00:17:58,168
Yeah, I e-mailed 'em a picture.
341
00:17:58,170 --> 00:18:00,128
And?
342
00:18:00,130 --> 00:18:01,488
SHE SIGHS
343
00:18:01,490 --> 00:18:04,048
They'll be in touch if it turns out
to be real.
344
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:08,168
"Don't hold your breath," I think,
was their parting sentiment.
345
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,170
RIPS ENVELOPE OPEN
346
00:18:14,530 --> 00:18:16,530
SHE SIGHS
347
00:18:17,650 --> 00:18:20,648
Everything all right?
Hmm. Bank kindly offering
348
00:18:20,650 --> 00:18:23,368
to extend my loan,
so I can get the roof fixed,
349
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,888
and in return they'll cripple me
350
00:18:25,890 --> 00:18:29,328
slowly with increased monthly
repayments.
351
00:18:29,330 --> 00:18:32,128
And I've got a mural outside that
may, just may, be worth
352
00:18:32,130 --> 00:18:35,410
a million quid, except it probably
isn't. Isn't life full of....
353
00:18:36,610 --> 00:18:38,690
..shit little ironies?
354
00:18:40,610 --> 00:18:42,728
Here's a career tip for you.
355
00:18:42,730 --> 00:18:45,088
What?
Sheep farming.
356
00:18:45,090 --> 00:18:46,530
Just...
357
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,408
..don't.
358
00:18:50,410 --> 00:18:50,408
SHEEP BLEAT
359
00:18:50,410 --> 00:18:51,808
Don't.
360
00:18:51,810 --> 00:18:53,210
OK.
361
00:18:55,250 --> 00:18:57,368
SHEEP BLEAT
362
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:59,648
You couldn't drive me...?
I was doing all right, you know.
363
00:18:59,650 --> 00:19:01,728
For once in my life.
364
00:19:01,730 --> 00:19:03,170
Then this.
365
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:09,010
Can I do anything? Like what?
To help. Like what, though?
366
00:19:16,810 --> 00:19:19,930
You couldn't give us a lift over
to my mum's house, could you?
367
00:19:23,210 --> 00:19:26,048
Just stick to those five main
characters, all right?
368
00:19:26,050 --> 00:19:28,488
Ruth Ben Reuben,
Robin - of Loxley, obviously -
369
00:19:28,490 --> 00:19:31,368
er, then there's Malbisse - he's
the baddie. You know that.
370
00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:33,248
Ket the Trow -
he's one of the Little People.
371
00:19:33,250 --> 00:19:35,448
And Will Scarlett.
Stick to those five,
372
00:19:35,450 --> 00:19:36,848
you can't go wrong.
373
00:19:36,850 --> 00:19:39,608
Ask her about language.
She loves language.
374
00:19:39,610 --> 00:19:43,288
Metaphors, similes,
all that. Alliteration.
375
00:19:43,290 --> 00:19:44,728
The odd bit of assonance.
376
00:19:44,730 --> 00:19:45,888
She thinks she's a grown-up,
377
00:19:45,890 --> 00:19:47,688
so she likes to talk about
the use of language.
378
00:19:47,690 --> 00:19:51,888
Yeah. Er, kick off by commenting
on how poetic her prose is,
379
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:54,208
on how particular her
vocabulary is,
380
00:19:54,210 --> 00:19:56,208
and you'll have her
eating out of your hand.
381
00:19:56,210 --> 00:19:57,488
Seriously, she's such a tart.
382
00:19:57,490 --> 00:19:58,968
Yeah.
383
00:19:58,970 --> 00:20:02,008
QUIETLY: There you go.
Thank you.
384
00:20:02,010 --> 00:20:04,128
I mean, she is good, she can use
language.
385
00:20:04,130 --> 00:20:07,088
It's just not quite as, er, Hilary
Mantel as she thinks it is.
386
00:20:07,090 --> 00:20:09,328
Oh, er, and tell her
she writes like Rose Tremain!
387
00:20:09,330 --> 00:20:10,970
She'll love you for ever if you
say that.
388
00:20:13,570 --> 00:20:15,248
Hi.
389
00:20:15,250 --> 00:20:16,768
Oh, hi. Er...
390
00:20:16,770 --> 00:20:19,168
Yeah, your dad's here - she must be
here. I'm going to have to go.
391
00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:21,488
OK.
Thank you. Good luck!
392
00:20:21,490 --> 00:20:23,610
Thank you. I love you.
Love you. Bye.
393
00:20:25,410 --> 00:20:28,968
She's a bit pissed.
Oh, good.
394
00:20:28,970 --> 00:20:31,488
Are you all right?
Er...yeah.
395
00:20:31,490 --> 00:20:34,928
The, er... The member of staff
I asked to do the interview
396
00:20:34,930 --> 00:20:37,848
has, er, thrown in the towel,
397
00:20:37,850 --> 00:20:39,808
so... Oh, no!
398
00:20:39,810 --> 00:20:43,168
Yeah, so now I'm doing it, and I
have read one of her books, once,
399
00:20:43,170 --> 00:20:45,528
and I have seen one of the
films, once,
400
00:20:45,530 --> 00:20:48,250
and I kind of know who
everyone is, so, er...
401
00:20:49,490 --> 00:20:51,408
How's the wedding plans going?
402
00:20:51,410 --> 00:20:53,090
Er...urgh.
403
00:20:55,330 --> 00:20:56,568
How's your...?
404
00:20:56,570 --> 00:20:57,728
My...?
405
00:20:57,730 --> 00:21:00,408
Lawrence said you had a new... No.
..woman? No.
406
00:21:00,410 --> 00:21:01,928
Oh. He said... No.
407
00:21:01,930 --> 00:21:03,608
So you're not...? No.
408
00:21:03,610 --> 00:21:05,170
Oh.
409
00:21:06,730 --> 00:21:11,970
Are you all right? Yes! Look, it's
only Judith you're interviewing.
410
00:21:18,090 --> 00:21:21,170
This isn't attractive.
411
00:21:22,330 --> 00:21:26,448
Judith, these are
impressionable young people.
412
00:21:26,450 --> 00:21:28,408
You are a role model.
413
00:21:28,410 --> 00:21:29,730
They adore you.
414
00:21:30,970 --> 00:21:32,768
They're not from privileged
homes.
415
00:21:32,770 --> 00:21:37,290
You have a lot of power here.
You can do a lot of good.
416
00:21:38,530 --> 00:21:42,648
What you cannot do,
however, Judith, is to...
417
00:21:42,650 --> 00:21:46,328
Listen, Emily fucking
Dickinson...
418
00:21:46,330 --> 00:21:48,688
Go into that auditorium
419
00:21:48,690 --> 00:21:52,888
and fill that water in that jug
on that stage
420
00:21:52,890 --> 00:21:55,728
with this water from
this bottle here,
421
00:21:55,730 --> 00:21:58,528
and your career at MetaFable
422
00:21:58,530 --> 00:22:00,728
will be bright, shiny,
423
00:22:00,730 --> 00:22:02,408
and guaranteed.
424
00:22:02,410 --> 00:22:04,968
You keep going on at me like this,
425
00:22:04,970 --> 00:22:07,088
and you'll be lucky to find a
job shovelling shit
426
00:22:07,090 --> 00:22:09,608
from Siberia to Outer Mongolia.
427
00:22:09,610 --> 00:22:10,930
All right?
428
00:22:28,330 --> 00:22:29,970
Judith!
429
00:22:31,130 --> 00:22:34,368
Caroline! How are you?
430
00:22:34,370 --> 00:22:37,810
Oh. Yeah, I'm, er...
431
00:22:39,930 --> 00:22:42,928
Do you want to, er, go and sit in
the assembly hall?
432
00:22:42,930 --> 00:22:44,368
I'll take it from here.
433
00:22:44,370 --> 00:22:46,248
Are you sure?
434
00:22:46,250 --> 00:22:48,290
Yeah. Helen!
435
00:22:49,930 --> 00:22:53,168
Could you show John through to the
hall, please? The VIP seats.
436
00:22:53,170 --> 00:22:54,528
Absolutely!
437
00:22:54,530 --> 00:22:56,010
So excited.
438
00:22:57,370 --> 00:22:58,810
WHISPERS: You sure?
Yeah.
439
00:23:01,170 --> 00:23:02,690
So, how's it hanging?
440
00:23:03,930 --> 00:23:05,490
Yeah, it's good.
441
00:23:08,170 --> 00:23:09,210
Caroline?
442
00:23:12,290 --> 00:23:14,130
No, I... I'm, er...
443
00:23:18,410 --> 00:23:20,048
It's just, er...
444
00:23:20,050 --> 00:23:21,450
Darling, what's happened?
445
00:23:23,610 --> 00:23:25,130
Nothing. Er...
446
00:23:26,770 --> 00:23:30,048
I've done so much for this school,
I've really turned it round,
447
00:23:30,050 --> 00:23:32,088
and it was hard. I was bereaved.
448
00:23:32,090 --> 00:23:35,368
And things like this are so
important for the students.
449
00:23:35,370 --> 00:23:39,008
Getting someone like you here,
it means they matter.
450
00:23:39,010 --> 00:23:43,448
And now I'm just going to let them
down. How? No, you're not.
451
00:23:43,450 --> 00:23:46,368
The problem...
The immediate problem
452
00:23:46,370 --> 00:23:50,248
is that the person who was supposed
to be interviewing you...isn't.
453
00:23:50,250 --> 00:23:51,648
Why?
454
00:23:51,650 --> 00:23:53,168
Because, oh...
455
00:23:53,170 --> 00:23:56,010
Because she's accused me of
something...
456
00:23:57,410 --> 00:23:58,848
..tawdry.
457
00:23:58,850 --> 00:24:02,688
Which, you know me, I just wouldn't.
458
00:24:02,690 --> 00:24:03,968
No! Would I?
459
00:24:03,970 --> 00:24:05,928
Yeah, no. Course you wouldn't.
460
00:24:05,930 --> 00:24:07,568
I would. You wouldn't.
461
00:24:07,570 --> 00:24:11,048
And she really got the wrong
end of the stick. Well, not...
462
00:24:11,050 --> 00:24:13,648
Not... But I didn't do anything,
for goodness' sake.
463
00:24:13,650 --> 00:24:15,648
And then she said she's not
doing it, this, the interview,
464
00:24:15,650 --> 00:24:17,768
so I'm doing it,
and I'm not prepared.
465
00:24:17,770 --> 00:24:22,608
Not that I don't love your work
and your books, Judith, I...
466
00:24:22,610 --> 00:24:25,448
I... I do. Er... No, I do.
467
00:24:25,450 --> 00:24:28,608
You inspire children to read in
a way that's...
468
00:24:28,610 --> 00:24:31,328
that's breathtaking.
I'd have reread them all
469
00:24:31,330 --> 00:24:34,848
if I'd known that I was going
to, but... So it's shoddy.
470
00:24:34,850 --> 00:24:37,808
And it's not fair on you,
it's not fair on the students,
471
00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:40,128
it's not fair on me,
because I've not prepped,
472
00:24:40,130 --> 00:24:42,368
and I've been made to feel
like some...some...
473
00:24:42,370 --> 00:24:44,450
Well, I don't know what.
Some kind of a...
474
00:24:45,970 --> 00:24:47,688
And I'm not, am I?
475
00:24:47,690 --> 00:24:49,688
Or maybe I am?
Jesus!
476
00:24:49,690 --> 00:24:51,368
No, Caroline.
477
00:24:51,370 --> 00:24:54,608
Whatever's gone on, this person
needs their arse kicked.
478
00:24:54,610 --> 00:25:00,490
You are the most decent
person I know.
479
00:25:06,010 --> 00:25:07,088
Is that vodka?
480
00:25:07,090 --> 00:25:08,530
No!
481
00:25:11,090 --> 00:25:12,610
Could I have a swig?
482
00:25:23,290 --> 00:25:25,808
Listen, babe, we can do this.
483
00:25:25,810 --> 00:25:28,848
We can knock this little fella
outta the ball park.
484
00:25:28,850 --> 00:25:32,008
Yeah, don't swear when you get out
there. Yeah. Don't swear.
485
00:25:32,010 --> 00:25:33,770
Yeah. I won't swear.
486
00:26:05,570 --> 00:26:07,568
Oh!
487
00:26:07,570 --> 00:26:10,168
I thought they'd be here all day.
488
00:26:10,170 --> 00:26:11,248
Who?
489
00:26:11,250 --> 00:26:12,810
What d'you mean, who? Oh.
490
00:26:14,490 --> 00:26:16,888
Oh, hell!
Now what?
491
00:26:16,890 --> 00:26:19,808
I've got to pick our Flora and
Calamity up from school.
492
00:26:19,810 --> 00:26:22,208
So don't get settled. Oh, I'll be
all right, I'll stop here.
493
00:26:22,210 --> 00:26:24,288
You will not!
494
00:26:24,290 --> 00:26:26,330
I can't have you wandering
off again.
495
00:26:35,690 --> 00:26:38,448
Oh, er, here we go!
Bristol Live.
496
00:26:38,450 --> 00:26:39,928
"On his Instagram account,
497
00:26:39,930 --> 00:26:41,008
"the artist known as Banksy
498
00:26:41,010 --> 00:26:42,168
"has finally denied..."
What? What?
499
00:26:42,170 --> 00:26:43,928
What's he saying? Eh?
"Denied.
500
00:26:43,930 --> 00:26:46,688
"Denied being behind
the striking giraffe image
501
00:26:46,690 --> 00:26:49,528
"that appeared on a barn at Far
Slack Farm in Soyland, West
Yorkshire,
502
00:26:49,530 --> 00:26:52,808
"over the weekend."
Oh! Well, that sucks!
503
00:26:52,810 --> 00:26:56,528
What an A-hole! Is that definitely,
definitely, like,
504
00:26:56,530 --> 00:26:58,008
how he tells people stuff?
505
00:26:58,010 --> 00:26:59,888
Is that... Is that, like, for
definite?
506
00:26:59,890 --> 00:27:01,448
Dunno, dunno. I dunno.
507
00:27:01,450 --> 00:27:03,608
Yeah, looks like there's a
whole, like, gallery of stuff
508
00:27:03,610 --> 00:27:05,610
he's denied being
responsible for.
509
00:27:08,410 --> 00:27:10,928
That's a big load of
old pants, innit?
510
00:27:10,930 --> 00:27:13,608
Yeah, he could've
pretended, hey? At least.
511
00:27:13,610 --> 00:27:15,850
It's no skin off his nose.
512
00:27:19,970 --> 00:27:22,208
SHEEP BLEAT
513
00:27:22,210 --> 00:27:25,770
What's happened?
What's happening?
514
00:27:30,930 --> 00:27:34,450
What's she doing, angel?
Dunno, babe.
515
00:27:38,530 --> 00:27:40,328
GILLIAN GROANS
516
00:27:40,330 --> 00:27:41,688
Gillian?
517
00:27:41,690 --> 00:27:43,050
What's happening?
518
00:27:45,370 --> 00:27:51,928
There were 30 ewes and
nearly 60 lambs in this field.
519
00:27:51,930 --> 00:27:55,530
And now some
rubber-necking, trespassing...
520
00:27:56,770 --> 00:27:58,970
..has gone and left the gate...
521
00:27:59,930 --> 00:28:01,608
..wide open!
522
00:28:01,610 --> 00:28:02,690
Gillian.
523
00:28:10,970 --> 00:28:12,728
Yeah, right.
524
00:28:12,730 --> 00:28:16,130
Obviously, that's exactly
what needs to happen next.
525
00:28:30,930 --> 00:28:32,168
Aye-aye.
526
00:28:32,170 --> 00:28:34,048
What do you want?
Come on, I'm busy,
527
00:28:34,050 --> 00:28:34,048
I've got stuff to...
528
00:28:34,050 --> 00:28:35,690
PHONE RINGS
529
00:28:39,490 --> 00:28:41,330
In your own time.
530
00:28:42,610 --> 00:28:44,248
Afternoon?
531
00:28:44,250 --> 00:28:45,648
BOTH: Hello.
Fred.
532
00:28:45,650 --> 00:28:47,210
Have a load of your sheep got out?
533
00:28:48,450 --> 00:28:50,728
Yeah. Yeah, they have.
534
00:28:50,730 --> 00:28:53,008
I've just found t'gate open,
just now.
535
00:28:53,010 --> 00:28:55,128
Who is it?
Old lad lives down t'road.
536
00:28:55,130 --> 00:28:57,728
Right, because they've been
at all them cannabis plants
537
00:28:57,730 --> 00:28:59,848
that were fly-tipped down Hollin
Lane,
538
00:28:59,850 --> 00:29:01,608
and they've been on t'main
road.
539
00:29:01,610 --> 00:29:05,528
Oh, God. OK. Er, thanks, Fred.
Thanks for letting me know.
540
00:29:05,530 --> 00:29:07,448
You want to get down there
and round 'em up, love,
541
00:29:07,450 --> 00:29:09,328
before they cause an
accident. I will, I am doing.
542
00:29:09,330 --> 00:29:10,530
Ta-ta. Ta-ta.
543
00:29:11,850 --> 00:29:13,408
Yeah, so...
544
00:29:13,410 --> 00:29:15,488
..we've got half a tonne of
mutton off their tits on cannabis
545
00:29:15,490 --> 00:29:17,368
down in Millbank.
546
00:29:17,370 --> 00:29:19,328
Have you ever seen a sheep
off its tits on cannabis?
547
00:29:19,330 --> 00:29:22,008
No. No. No.
548
00:29:22,010 --> 00:29:24,128
Lose all their inhibitions.
549
00:29:24,130 --> 00:29:28,368
You see, normally, your average
Swaledale is fairly docile.
550
00:29:28,370 --> 00:29:31,848
Meek. Self-effacing. Shy.
551
00:29:31,850 --> 00:29:34,768
Not disposed to create anything
much in the way of drama.
552
00:29:34,770 --> 00:29:36,368
They've terrorised the pre-school.
553
00:29:36,370 --> 00:29:39,368
Six of 'em got on a bus,
held the driver up at gunpoint,
554
00:29:39,370 --> 00:29:41,528
made him drive 'em into Halifax.
555
00:29:41,530 --> 00:29:43,688
Six more went into the Old
Bridge Inn,
556
00:29:43,690 --> 00:29:45,288
trashed the place with
baseball bats.
557
00:29:45,290 --> 00:29:46,648
No, they didn't.
558
00:29:46,650 --> 00:29:49,048
They've been mugging
pensioners. Fuck off, Cheryl.
559
00:29:49,050 --> 00:29:52,168
Well, one of 'em got on a bus
and shat everywhere.
560
00:29:52,170 --> 00:29:55,928
Several people's gardens have been
trashed, aggressively,
561
00:29:55,930 --> 00:29:58,888
including the beer garden
down at the Old Bridge Inn.
562
00:29:58,890 --> 00:30:02,248
One very unhappy 6'3",
18-stone landlord
563
00:30:02,250 --> 00:30:04,808
who was formerly very proud
of his geraniums.
564
00:30:04,810 --> 00:30:07,928
And, yeah, a couple of 'em
got into the pre-school
565
00:30:07,930 --> 00:30:10,848
and upset the little 'uns. Really
upset them. We're talking tears.
566
00:30:10,850 --> 00:30:14,568
Vomit and shit everywhere.
And...
567
00:30:14,570 --> 00:30:17,368
..a pensioner's been knocked to the
ground outside the post office.
568
00:30:17,370 --> 00:30:19,130
That's when I got called in.
569
00:30:20,330 --> 00:30:25,248
So I suggest you get down
there with your trailer ASAP.
570
00:30:25,250 --> 00:30:28,128
Then I suggest a few snivelling
apologies might not go amiss.
571
00:30:28,130 --> 00:30:29,330
INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER
572
00:30:31,650 --> 00:30:33,608
I'm going to have to sort this
out.
573
00:30:33,610 --> 00:30:36,208
Yeah. No, it's fine.
We'll, er, we'll help.
574
00:30:36,210 --> 00:30:37,930
I'll bring my camera.
575
00:30:41,170 --> 00:30:42,290
This gate...
576
00:30:44,570 --> 00:30:45,728
..was left open...
577
00:30:45,730 --> 00:30:47,570
..by some...
578
00:30:51,570 --> 00:30:56,528
..coming to goggle at the vandalism
someone's done to my barn,
579
00:30:56,530 --> 00:30:58,288
which I haven't even bothered
reporting to you lot
580
00:30:58,290 --> 00:30:59,608
cos I know how not interested
you'll be.
581
00:30:59,610 --> 00:30:59,608
SHE SCOFFS
582
00:30:59,610 --> 00:31:02,408
And, also,
583
00:31:02,410 --> 00:31:04,168
why aren't you lot doing anything
584
00:31:04,170 --> 00:31:06,768
about the outlaws
that...that fly-tip the contents
585
00:31:06,770 --> 00:31:09,248
of their nasty little cannabis farms
everywhere?
586
00:31:09,250 --> 00:31:10,648
Happens all the time round here!
587
00:31:10,650 --> 00:31:12,648
It's a... It's a weekly occurrence!
588
00:31:12,650 --> 00:31:16,168
And you never catch 'em, because
they always seem to know
589
00:31:16,170 --> 00:31:19,168
when you're going to bust 'em,
cos they always get tipped off,
590
00:31:19,170 --> 00:31:23,168
probably by one o' your dippy
lot, and then this happens!
591
00:31:23,170 --> 00:31:25,328
SHE SIGHS
It's a good job it's me on duty
592
00:31:25,330 --> 00:31:26,928
and not Sergeant Cawood,
593
00:31:26,930 --> 00:31:29,288
cos she'd rip your spleen out
through your nose for you,
594
00:31:29,290 --> 00:31:30,930
speaking to a police officer
like that.
595
00:31:32,930 --> 00:31:34,608
Ooh, scary.
596
00:31:34,610 --> 00:31:36,650
Shaking. Look.
597
00:31:38,210 --> 00:31:41,490
Go and get your trailer, and I'll
meet you down in Millbank.
598
00:31:49,570 --> 00:31:51,530
You murdering bitch.
599
00:31:53,890 --> 00:31:55,130
SHE SNIFFS
600
00:31:59,850 --> 00:32:01,530
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
601
00:32:22,250 --> 00:32:24,128
JOHN: Well done! Well done!
602
00:32:24,130 --> 00:32:24,128
That was terrific!
603
00:32:24,130 --> 00:32:25,328
CAROLINE SIGHS
604
00:32:25,330 --> 00:32:27,648
Both of you, absolutely splendid.
605
00:32:27,650 --> 00:32:29,568
Oh, shut up. Was it?
606
00:32:29,570 --> 00:32:33,368
I've heard it all before, obviously,
but somehow, I don't know,
607
00:32:33,370 --> 00:32:37,808
it all came up fresh.
Well done. Well done, Caroline.
608
00:32:37,810 --> 00:32:40,088
You didn't mind me dropping that
into the conversation, did you?
609
00:32:40,090 --> 00:32:41,170
Sorry.
610
00:32:42,130 --> 00:32:43,288
About you being gay.
611
00:32:43,290 --> 00:32:46,208
Oh!
It just came out.
612
00:32:46,210 --> 00:32:48,088
I assume they all know anyway.
613
00:32:48,090 --> 00:32:52,048
Oh, yeah. Yeah, they all... Yeah.
And they all cheered
614
00:32:52,050 --> 00:32:53,448
and applauded when I said it.
615
00:32:53,450 --> 00:32:56,488
Oh. God, they love you,
don't they, those kids?
616
00:32:56,490 --> 00:32:59,608
God, they do! They really do,
Caroline.
617
00:32:59,610 --> 00:33:01,488
Yes. Yes.
618
00:33:01,490 --> 00:33:02,570
And I love them.
619
00:33:03,650 --> 00:33:05,368
What super kids.
620
00:33:05,370 --> 00:33:07,010
Oh, yes, they are. They...
They are.
621
00:33:08,650 --> 00:33:12,048
Did you say that you wanted
me to do some photographs?
622
00:33:12,050 --> 00:33:13,968
Oh, if you wouldn't mind.
Oh, I'd love to.
623
00:33:13,970 --> 00:33:16,130
Oh, that would be so
generous of your time.
624
00:33:22,490 --> 00:33:23,570
BELL DINGS
625
00:33:55,850 --> 00:33:57,690
BELL DINGS
626
00:34:00,370 --> 00:34:01,610
DOOR OPENS
627
00:34:03,490 --> 00:34:06,930
Granny, wake up.
Grandad's here.
628
00:34:10,330 --> 00:34:12,568
HE CHUCKLES
629
00:34:12,570 --> 00:34:13,928
SHE GROANS
630
00:34:13,930 --> 00:34:16,090
TED SNORES
631
00:34:19,090 --> 00:34:22,408
We're going to have to get
some fish and chips for tea.
632
00:34:22,410 --> 00:34:25,008
Can you pick some up on your way
back from Gillian's
633
00:34:25,010 --> 00:34:27,448
when you take Calamity home?
634
00:34:27,450 --> 00:34:29,488
I shall sleep well tonight!
635
00:34:29,490 --> 00:34:31,128
Well, I hope I will.
636
00:34:31,130 --> 00:34:34,648
It's been nonstop since you walked
out of that door this morning.
637
00:34:34,650 --> 00:34:37,008
And I've had him
to trail round with me again.
638
00:34:37,010 --> 00:34:38,368
All day.
639
00:34:38,370 --> 00:34:40,488
Shh-shh! Oh, he's asleep.
640
00:34:40,490 --> 00:34:43,048
And then I've been trying
to get hold of Martin,
641
00:34:43,050 --> 00:34:44,928
but there's no reply.
642
00:34:44,930 --> 00:34:47,530
We got back here at ten to
three, and they'd gone.
643
00:34:49,050 --> 00:34:51,008
I assumed they were coming
back, but they haven't.
644
00:34:51,010 --> 00:34:53,408
I'll have to have a sit-down
and a cup of tea
645
00:34:53,410 --> 00:34:56,568
before I start taxiing people
about.
646
00:34:56,570 --> 00:34:58,248
You used to be able
to rely on workmen.
647
00:34:58,250 --> 00:34:59,888
He said ten days - max -
648
00:34:59,890 --> 00:35:03,128
and we'd have a fully
functioning kitchen.
649
00:35:03,130 --> 00:35:07,168
If he doesn't stick to that,
he's for the high-jump.
650
00:35:07,170 --> 00:35:11,208
Where's t'kettle?
It's outside the bathroom.
651
00:35:11,210 --> 00:35:14,688
Is it on?
Oh, you want me to put it on?
652
00:35:14,690 --> 00:35:16,128
No, I'll do it.
653
00:35:16,130 --> 00:35:17,608
Where are the mugs?
654
00:35:17,610 --> 00:35:19,128
In the bedroom.
655
00:35:19,130 --> 00:35:22,368
And the teabags are on the
windowsill in the living room.
656
00:35:22,370 --> 00:35:24,968
And the milk's in the bathroom.
657
00:35:24,970 --> 00:35:27,408
There's some teaspoons
chucking about somewhere.
658
00:35:27,410 --> 00:35:29,408
Oh, I'll do it.
No, I'll do it.
659
00:35:29,410 --> 00:35:31,010
No, you sit down.
660
00:35:32,890 --> 00:35:36,128
You see,
I hadn't budgeted mentally
661
00:35:36,130 --> 00:35:39,208
for me having to start picking
them two up on my own.
662
00:35:39,210 --> 00:35:43,328
They're no trouble,
but they just never stop,
663
00:35:43,330 --> 00:35:46,568
and it's easier to manage
them when there's two of you.
664
00:35:46,570 --> 00:35:50,008
And Ted - bless him -
he's clueless with 'em.
665
00:35:50,010 --> 00:35:53,208
And what was that in the cafe?
666
00:35:53,210 --> 00:35:56,248
Him saying that you said he could
stay here indefinitely.
667
00:35:56,250 --> 00:35:59,808
That, I'm telling you, is not a
conversation we've had.
668
00:35:59,810 --> 00:36:01,488
He's come up with that himself.
669
00:36:01,490 --> 00:36:02,808
He's in a world of his own.
670
00:36:02,810 --> 00:36:04,848
You need to talk to him.
671
00:36:04,850 --> 00:36:07,168
You need to find out what's
happening.
672
00:36:07,170 --> 00:36:10,330
If I start digging for
information, he just grunts.
673
00:36:11,810 --> 00:36:13,328
Who are you ringing? Gillian.
674
00:36:13,330 --> 00:36:16,330
See if she can come over
and fetch Calamity.
675
00:36:17,450 --> 00:36:20,728
Well, we'll still need to fetch
some fish and chips.
676
00:36:20,730 --> 00:36:20,728
Caroline's here now, see?
677
00:36:20,730 --> 00:36:22,848
CAR APPROACHES
678
00:36:22,850 --> 00:36:24,848
Flora! Your mother's here.
679
00:36:24,850 --> 00:36:26,608
GILLIAN: No, no. Right, listen...
PHONE BUZZES
680
00:36:26,610 --> 00:36:29,368
No, no, no, the buck does
stop wi' you,
681
00:36:29,370 --> 00:36:31,288
because if there's a right o'
way through your field,
682
00:36:31,290 --> 00:36:34,168
you know you're more than likely to
get idiots leaving the gates open.
683
00:36:34,170 --> 00:36:36,008
Oh, my God,
they're so fast, angel!
684
00:36:36,010 --> 00:36:38,168
This is for your benefit,
not mine.
685
00:36:38,170 --> 00:36:41,568
As a responsible landowner, you need
to be anticipating that.
686
00:36:41,570 --> 00:36:43,328
You should be providing a stile,
which will allow them easy access,
687
00:36:43,330 --> 00:36:45,688
and not let these evil little
bastards escape.
688
00:36:45,690 --> 00:36:48,488
And look at Mrs Peacock.
She's traumatised!
689
00:36:48,490 --> 00:36:49,810
She's distressed.
690
00:36:53,570 --> 00:36:53,568
Oh, blimey.
691
00:36:53,570 --> 00:36:55,450
HE CHUCKLES
692
00:36:57,130 --> 00:37:00,008
Another few days,
and you won't recognise it!
693
00:37:00,010 --> 00:37:01,528
It's gone to voicemail.
694
00:37:01,530 --> 00:37:03,128
Are you all right, Alan?
695
00:37:03,130 --> 00:37:05,368
Mm. He's exhausted.
696
00:37:05,370 --> 00:37:06,808
..Flora!
697
00:37:06,810 --> 00:37:08,928
TV ON
698
00:37:08,930 --> 00:37:10,330
Are you all right? Yeah.
699
00:37:11,530 --> 00:37:13,368
Yes.
700
00:37:13,370 --> 00:37:14,648
Yes, I hope I'm fit to drive.
701
00:37:14,650 --> 00:37:16,088
I was knocking back the
vodka this afternoon.
702
00:37:16,090 --> 00:37:18,008
You were? At school?
703
00:37:18,010 --> 00:37:20,128
It was only a nip.
Well, it was two nips.
704
00:37:20,130 --> 00:37:22,288
The second was an accident,
but it's Judith.
705
00:37:22,290 --> 00:37:24,288
You know what Judith's like.
706
00:37:24,290 --> 00:37:29,008
Judith? Oh, she, erm...
Yes, she came to do this talk.
707
00:37:29,010 --> 00:37:30,808
Well, it was a Q&A.
708
00:37:30,810 --> 00:37:32,448
And somehow, God knows,
709
00:37:32,450 --> 00:37:35,168
she managed to replace the
water in the jug
710
00:37:35,170 --> 00:37:36,808
on the stage with vodka.
711
00:37:36,810 --> 00:37:38,088
How?
712
00:37:38,090 --> 00:37:41,408
So that took me by surprise about
halfway through the proceedings,
713
00:37:41,410 --> 00:37:43,288
when my throat got a bit dry...
714
00:37:43,290 --> 00:37:45,768
Anyway, it went very well,
vodka or no vodka.
715
00:37:45,770 --> 00:37:47,290
Maybe because of the vodka.
716
00:37:48,370 --> 00:37:50,208
Come on!
717
00:37:50,210 --> 00:37:50,208
FLORA: Uncle Ted's snoring.
718
00:37:50,210 --> 00:37:52,448
SHE CHUCKLES
719
00:37:52,450 --> 00:37:55,608
You couldn't take Calamity back to
Gillian's for us, could you?
720
00:37:55,610 --> 00:37:58,968
Yeah! It's the opposite
direction. ..Shh.
721
00:37:58,970 --> 00:38:00,648
Well, not if you went over
the tops.
722
00:38:00,650 --> 00:38:02,248
Yes, but I never go
over the tops,
723
00:38:02,250 --> 00:38:03,648
because it's another 20 minutes.
724
00:38:03,650 --> 00:38:06,168
It's all right. I'll take her.
I think, realistically,
725
00:38:06,170 --> 00:38:09,728
we're going to have to rethink
this arrangement.
726
00:38:09,730 --> 00:38:12,648
What arrangement? Us picking them up
after school.
727
00:38:12,650 --> 00:38:14,288
BOTH: Why?
728
00:38:14,290 --> 00:38:18,408
Because it's not us any more,
is it? It's me, on my own,
729
00:38:18,410 --> 00:38:22,848
lugging him, Ted - bless him.
You know, since his escapade...
730
00:38:22,850 --> 00:38:26,848
And then no kitchen to come home to
- not this week, nor next week.
731
00:38:26,850 --> 00:38:28,728
Right. OK.
732
00:38:28,730 --> 00:38:30,888
Well, that's going to be...
733
00:38:30,890 --> 00:38:33,448
What?
Difficult. But, yes. Yes. OK.
734
00:38:33,450 --> 00:38:35,208
I'll sort something else out,
then.
735
00:38:35,210 --> 00:38:37,930
Come on, Calamity. Get your
stuff. I'll drive you home.
736
00:38:40,770 --> 00:38:42,568
It's this damned job.
737
00:38:42,570 --> 00:38:45,490
I've said everything I'm going
to say to him on the subject.
738
00:38:47,690 --> 00:38:49,050
Come along, Flora.
739
00:38:57,450 --> 00:38:59,648
Judith.
740
00:38:59,650 --> 00:39:01,768
Judith. Judith!
741
00:39:01,770 --> 00:39:03,288
We're back.
742
00:39:03,290 --> 00:39:04,450
Oh.
743
00:39:14,010 --> 00:39:15,568
I was thinking...
744
00:39:15,570 --> 00:39:18,048
What? Well...
745
00:39:18,050 --> 00:39:21,568
Do we NEED to get married?
746
00:39:21,570 --> 00:39:24,488
I mean, I just think, you know,
747
00:39:24,490 --> 00:39:25,808
aren't we all right as we are?
748
00:39:25,810 --> 00:39:28,248
You mean, carry on? Yeah.
749
00:39:28,250 --> 00:39:31,088
Like this? Yeah.
750
00:39:31,090 --> 00:39:33,288
It works, doesn't it?
751
00:39:33,290 --> 00:39:35,328
DOOR CLOSES
752
00:39:35,330 --> 00:39:38,208
I realised something today.
753
00:39:38,210 --> 00:39:40,808
Did you? Mm.
754
00:39:40,810 --> 00:39:45,168
Something really quite...profound.
755
00:39:45,170 --> 00:39:47,010
What?
756
00:39:50,970 --> 00:39:52,530
I don't love you.
757
00:39:53,970 --> 00:39:55,170
Never loved you.
758
00:39:56,170 --> 00:39:59,248
We just...drifted into this
mess together
759
00:39:59,250 --> 00:40:01,050
blindfolded, didn't we?
760
00:40:02,810 --> 00:40:05,608
So yes, you're right -
761
00:40:05,610 --> 00:40:07,770
we shouldn't get married.
762
00:40:13,090 --> 00:40:14,648
In fact...
763
00:40:14,650 --> 00:40:16,408
..you should leave.
764
00:40:16,410 --> 00:40:19,048
Should I? What?
765
00:40:19,050 --> 00:40:20,688
Well, I can't leave.
766
00:40:20,690 --> 00:40:22,850
It's my house.
767
00:40:31,170 --> 00:40:32,448
Was anyone hurt?
768
00:40:32,450 --> 00:40:35,488
No. No, it was PC Nitwit
exaggerating.
769
00:40:35,490 --> 00:40:37,048
ALAN CHUCKLES
770
00:40:37,050 --> 00:40:39,808
I just had to spend
the afternoon apologising.
771
00:40:39,810 --> 00:40:43,408
And people were kind, on the
whole, considering the damage.
772
00:40:43,410 --> 00:40:45,488
Even the bloke at the pub...
773
00:40:45,490 --> 00:40:46,608
..eventually.
774
00:40:46,610 --> 00:40:50,248
I offered to do a couple of
hours in his garden for him.
775
00:40:50,250 --> 00:40:53,408
And then I said I'd pop in on
Beryl, the pensioner,
776
00:40:53,410 --> 00:40:56,448
and do a bit of shopping for
her, summat.
777
00:40:56,450 --> 00:40:58,968
She wasn't hurt,
she was just shaken.
778
00:40:58,970 --> 00:41:00,688
And the school, er, they...
779
00:41:00,690 --> 00:41:03,248
..they want to bring a bunch
of kids up to look at the lambs
780
00:41:03,250 --> 00:41:05,368
next season. So that's all
right, I can do that.
781
00:41:05,370 --> 00:41:07,608
If I'm still here.
782
00:41:07,610 --> 00:41:10,728
What do you mean?
Seven of 'em are still missing.
783
00:41:10,730 --> 00:41:12,728
That's not including the two that
were knocked down and killed
784
00:41:12,730 --> 00:41:15,168
on the main road, so that's...
785
00:41:15,170 --> 00:41:16,650
..600 quid. It's gone.
786
00:41:18,090 --> 00:41:20,008
And it isn't like I ever make
any money on the sheep.
787
00:41:20,010 --> 00:41:22,450
Even at the best of times,
they only ever break even.
788
00:41:23,570 --> 00:41:23,568
But that's...
789
00:41:23,570 --> 00:41:26,848
SHE SIGHS
790
00:41:26,850 --> 00:41:30,048
Oh, I thought it was such a good
move buying those ten acres,
791
00:41:30,050 --> 00:41:34,168
but, of course, obviously not.
792
00:41:34,170 --> 00:41:36,250
600 quid down and...
793
00:41:38,010 --> 00:41:39,810
..I just can't face...
794
00:41:42,970 --> 00:41:46,048
..the debt, the stress every day.
795
00:41:46,050 --> 00:41:48,448
I could sell up, pay it all off.
796
00:41:48,450 --> 00:41:51,048
Get a little place
down in Ripponden, little flat.
797
00:41:51,050 --> 00:41:52,768
Couple of part-time jobs.
I'd be all right.
798
00:41:52,770 --> 00:41:54,808
What about Raff and Ellie?
799
00:41:54,810 --> 00:41:57,208
Hmm. They earn more than I do.
800
00:41:57,210 --> 00:41:58,888
Not just between 'em.
801
00:41:58,890 --> 00:42:00,048
Each.
802
00:42:00,050 --> 00:42:01,848
You'd be miserable.
803
00:42:01,850 --> 00:42:05,768
Not waking up to that view
every morning?
804
00:42:05,770 --> 00:42:08,370
I think it only ever worked
before because you were here.
805
00:42:09,650 --> 00:42:10,810
Before you married Celia.
806
00:42:12,050 --> 00:42:14,490
Then Robbie came. And now...
807
00:42:15,610 --> 00:42:18,168
..I feel like it's all
slipping through my fingers.
808
00:42:18,170 --> 00:42:21,528
It's like every day
I'm fighting a losing battle.
809
00:42:21,530 --> 00:42:21,528
And that...
810
00:42:21,530 --> 00:42:23,290
VEHICLE APPROACHES
811
00:42:24,450 --> 00:42:26,368
..barn...
812
00:42:26,370 --> 00:42:28,008
VEHICLE STOPS
813
00:42:28,010 --> 00:42:30,248
Oh, I wouldn't be sad
to get away from that.
814
00:42:30,250 --> 00:42:31,368
ALAN STAMMERS
815
00:42:31,370 --> 00:42:33,048
DOOR OPENS
816
00:42:33,050 --> 00:42:35,688
Have you seen Instagram?
Yeah, yeah.
817
00:42:35,690 --> 00:42:39,128
Right. Come on, you two. We can get
off now they're here.
818
00:42:39,130 --> 00:42:40,688
There's no tea cooked -
819
00:42:40,690 --> 00:42:43,088
I've been rounding up
escaped sheep all afternoon.
820
00:42:43,090 --> 00:42:46,208
And I've said I'd drive these
two over to Caroline's.
821
00:42:46,210 --> 00:42:47,728
How... How did they escape?
822
00:42:47,730 --> 00:42:51,168
Folk coming to gawp at that
daub, leaving t'gate open.
823
00:42:51,170 --> 00:42:53,968
Two of 'em are dead,
knocked down.
824
00:42:53,970 --> 00:42:57,688
I've reported it now anyway,
officially, to the police,
825
00:42:57,690 --> 00:42:59,248
as an act of vandalism.
826
00:42:59,250 --> 00:43:00,848
RAFF: See ya. Bye.
827
00:43:00,850 --> 00:43:02,328
MIA: Thanks for having us.
ELLIE: Pleasure.
828
00:43:02,330 --> 00:43:04,328
Bye, Grandad. Thanks for
driving me home.
829
00:43:04,330 --> 00:43:06,568
Bye-bye, love. Ta-ta.
830
00:43:06,570 --> 00:43:07,930
See you.
831
00:43:09,250 --> 00:43:10,608
DOOR CLOSES
832
00:43:10,610 --> 00:43:14,250
I wish I could do something
for you. Yeah. Well...
833
00:43:15,370 --> 00:43:18,168
How's your kitchen? Oh!
834
00:43:18,170 --> 00:43:20,808
Are they an item?
835
00:43:20,810 --> 00:43:24,208
Come on! I haven't got all week.
836
00:43:24,210 --> 00:43:26,368
See you. Bye-bye, love. Don't work
too hard.
837
00:43:26,370 --> 00:43:29,650
I enjoy it! They're nice folk.
It keeps me young.
838
00:43:31,290 --> 00:43:33,370
Gets me out of the house.
839
00:43:38,410 --> 00:43:39,690
CAR DOOR SHUTS
840
00:43:42,610 --> 00:43:43,690
Right!
841
00:43:48,450 --> 00:43:50,250
Let's try again, shall we?
842
00:44:18,650 --> 00:44:20,570
PHONE RINGS
843
00:44:26,850 --> 00:44:29,888
Hello? Celia? It's Nadine.
844
00:44:29,890 --> 00:44:31,368
Oh, Nadine!
845
00:44:31,370 --> 00:44:34,608
Hello, love! How are you?
846
00:44:34,610 --> 00:44:36,850
Is it your dad you're after?
He's in the garden.
847
00:44:37,930 --> 00:44:40,128
No, no, look. Listen, Celia.
848
00:44:40,130 --> 00:44:44,168
No, I'm just, er, just phoning
to see if he's OK, that's all.
849
00:44:44,170 --> 00:44:45,488
Yeah, he's fine.
850
00:44:45,490 --> 00:44:47,288
Well, he's all right.
851
00:44:47,290 --> 00:44:49,408
Well, he's a bit vague.
852
00:44:49,410 --> 00:44:52,608
He wandered off the other
day, but we found him.
853
00:44:52,610 --> 00:44:55,288
Well, a fella and his dog did.
854
00:44:55,290 --> 00:44:57,368
Shall I fetch him?
No, no, no.
855
00:44:57,370 --> 00:45:00,890
Celia, he won't want to talk to
me. Just, erm...
856
00:45:02,570 --> 00:45:06,488
I just want to know, you know,
what the arrangement is.
857
00:45:06,490 --> 00:45:09,248
Just so that I know he's all
right.
858
00:45:09,250 --> 00:45:11,368
What arrangement?
859
00:45:11,370 --> 00:45:12,728
There.
860
00:45:12,730 --> 00:45:14,608
With him.
861
00:45:14,610 --> 00:45:16,168
And you and Uncle Alan.
862
00:45:16,170 --> 00:45:19,768
Well, there isn't one, as such.
863
00:45:19,770 --> 00:45:22,368
I mean, he's said he wants to
stop.
864
00:45:22,370 --> 00:45:24,808
And he can, but, er,
865
00:45:24,810 --> 00:45:26,688
if it's going to be more
permanent,
866
00:45:26,690 --> 00:45:29,568
well, you know, I mean,
867
00:45:29,570 --> 00:45:31,850
I'm assuming he's not short of
money...
868
00:45:34,770 --> 00:45:36,010
Nadine?
869
00:45:37,890 --> 00:45:41,370
And he'll be able to buy
himself a little house.
870
00:45:42,730 --> 00:45:45,088
You need to ask him about
Angelina.
871
00:45:45,090 --> 00:45:46,928
Who?
872
00:45:46,930 --> 00:45:48,250
He should tell you himself.
873
00:45:49,650 --> 00:45:52,008
SHE SIGHS
You should hear his side of it.
874
00:45:52,010 --> 00:45:55,730
Just ask him to tell you about
Angelina.
875
00:46:03,570 --> 00:46:06,728
So, she's saying she's not
going to pick them up any more.
876
00:46:06,730 --> 00:46:09,008
Either of them.
How's that going to work?
877
00:46:09,010 --> 00:46:10,248
I've got a shift at Patterson's.
878
00:46:10,250 --> 00:46:11,928
Me dad never said owt,
and I've just seen him!
879
00:46:11,930 --> 00:46:13,288
Well, because he'll be in
denial, won't he?
880
00:46:13,290 --> 00:46:16,448
Because he knows she'll be
saying it to guilt-trip him.
881
00:46:16,450 --> 00:46:19,568
So, so... Sorry, is it OK
if Mia stays...
882
00:46:19,570 --> 00:46:21,608
..here as well? As well as me?
883
00:46:21,610 --> 00:46:23,288
Mm? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
884
00:46:23,290 --> 00:46:25,570
Yay! I'll show you upstairs.
885
00:46:27,050 --> 00:46:28,408
What happened to Alyssa?
886
00:46:28,410 --> 00:46:32,248
Oh, erm, went to York with Angus.
887
00:46:32,250 --> 00:46:34,528
FLORA: This way.
Yeah, we know where we're going!
888
00:46:34,530 --> 00:46:36,648
I'm showing Mia! Mind the step.
889
00:46:36,650 --> 00:46:38,928
My room's at the top of the
stairs.
890
00:46:38,930 --> 00:46:40,928
Why's your dad got this job?
891
00:46:40,930 --> 00:46:42,650
Oh, I think...
892
00:46:44,970 --> 00:46:46,728
..to get out of the house.
893
00:46:46,730 --> 00:46:48,330
To get away from my mother?
894
00:46:52,290 --> 00:46:53,848
Are they an item?
895
00:46:53,850 --> 00:46:56,128
She's about ten years older
than him.
896
00:46:56,130 --> 00:46:58,530
Mmm. Three.
897
00:47:07,570 --> 00:47:10,008
It's since Brexit, isn't it -
me dad and your mum?
898
00:47:10,010 --> 00:47:12,488
They were never going to see
eye to eye about that,
899
00:47:12,490 --> 00:47:14,768
and then it's just gone from
bad to worse,
900
00:47:14,770 --> 00:47:16,728
as the months
have dragged on and on
901
00:47:16,730 --> 00:47:18,368
into years.
902
00:47:18,370 --> 00:47:19,888
The whole world's unravelling.
903
00:47:19,890 --> 00:47:21,248
Mine is.
904
00:47:21,250 --> 00:47:22,768
Is it? Is it? Mine is!
905
00:47:22,770 --> 00:47:24,928
John and Judith are getting
married.
906
00:47:24,930 --> 00:47:24,928
SHE CHUCKLES
907
00:47:24,930 --> 00:47:27,128
Wow.
908
00:47:27,130 --> 00:47:29,488
That's a special kind of crazy.
909
00:47:29,490 --> 00:47:32,288
Why? It's her. It's her idea.
910
00:47:32,290 --> 00:47:34,928
I think she's deluded.
911
00:47:34,930 --> 00:47:36,728
I think she thinks
they're like that couple
912
00:47:36,730 --> 00:47:38,408
out of Who's Afraid Of
Virginia Woolf.
913
00:47:38,410 --> 00:47:42,248
You know, the ones who hate
each other and drink a lot.
914
00:47:42,250 --> 00:47:45,608
The weird thing is, I think she
thinks it's romantic, or desirable,
915
00:47:45,610 --> 00:47:47,288
or inevitable, or...
916
00:47:47,290 --> 00:47:49,768
SHE SIGHS DEEPLY
917
00:47:49,770 --> 00:47:50,770
OK.
918
00:47:51,930 --> 00:47:53,208
I need a wife.
919
00:47:53,210 --> 00:47:55,208
I need a husband.
920
00:47:55,210 --> 00:47:56,768
It's odd.
921
00:47:56,770 --> 00:47:57,928
When I saw John today,
922
00:47:57,930 --> 00:48:00,808
it's the first time since we got
divorced that I realised
923
00:48:00,810 --> 00:48:01,890
that...
924
00:48:03,610 --> 00:48:07,488
..that just now and again
I almost miss him. Do you? Hmm.
925
00:48:07,490 --> 00:48:09,208
Well, he was very sensible,
occasionally.
926
00:48:09,210 --> 00:48:11,648
Occasionally, he'd put a
perspective on something
927
00:48:11,650 --> 00:48:14,648
that made you realise
it was nowhere near as...
928
00:48:14,650 --> 00:48:16,288
..worth committing suicide over
929
00:48:16,290 --> 00:48:19,408
as you'd worked yourself up
into thinking it was.
930
00:48:19,410 --> 00:48:21,930
So why's your world unravelling?
931
00:48:24,170 --> 00:48:25,290
SHE SIGHS
932
00:48:26,570 --> 00:48:27,970
Isn't it stupid how...
933
00:48:29,650 --> 00:48:32,490
..one thing can undermine
your whole sense of...
934
00:48:33,890 --> 00:48:37,408
..who you are, however smart you
think you are,
935
00:48:37,410 --> 00:48:40,128
however resilient you
try and be?
936
00:48:40,130 --> 00:48:41,368
Yeah.
937
00:48:41,370 --> 00:48:42,890
Yeah! Yeah, that's me.
938
00:48:47,370 --> 00:48:50,648
I don't know how much longer
I can do this,
939
00:48:50,650 --> 00:48:52,448
being a single parent.
940
00:48:52,450 --> 00:48:55,848
Even with them picking her
up every day, it still feels like
941
00:48:55,850 --> 00:48:58,968
it's just... It's juggling...
942
00:48:58,970 --> 00:49:01,488
..too many things all the time.
943
00:49:01,490 --> 00:49:04,970
And you cope, and you cope,
and then one thing...
944
00:49:09,490 --> 00:49:10,888
How was your date?
945
00:49:10,890 --> 00:49:12,810
It wasn't a date.
946
00:49:14,090 --> 00:49:16,368
Ah. I see.
947
00:49:16,370 --> 00:49:17,610
Is that...?
948
00:49:18,930 --> 00:49:21,130
Move on. Rise above it.
949
00:49:22,210 --> 00:49:24,130
You liked her. No, I didn't.
950
00:49:25,730 --> 00:49:27,650
What happened?
951
00:49:30,170 --> 00:49:32,088
You need a night out.
952
00:49:32,090 --> 00:49:35,488
No. That's the last thing
I need. You do, you need...
953
00:49:35,490 --> 00:49:37,848
No, I'm not going to Hebden
Women's Disco,
954
00:49:37,850 --> 00:49:39,168
I've told you. Don't.
955
00:49:39,170 --> 00:49:41,168
Why don't we just get pissed
together one night?
956
00:49:41,170 --> 00:49:44,848
Because we'd wake up
the next day feeling worse.
957
00:49:44,850 --> 00:49:47,170
I can't even afford to get pissed.
What am I talking about?
958
00:49:48,250 --> 00:49:49,808
Oh, it's not a Banksy, then?
959
00:49:49,810 --> 00:49:51,210
Mm.
960
00:49:53,010 --> 00:49:54,848
I'm the same as you.
961
00:49:54,850 --> 00:49:58,328
I was doing all right - coping,
managing,
962
00:49:58,330 --> 00:50:00,488
even convincing myself
I was halfway to being happy.
963
00:50:00,490 --> 00:50:02,448
And then just...
964
00:50:02,450 --> 00:50:04,530
..one thing, one...
965
00:50:05,970 --> 00:50:09,168
..dumb, random, idiotic thing.
966
00:50:09,170 --> 00:50:10,370
And it's not even a Banksy!
967
00:50:16,050 --> 00:50:17,290
I'm thinking I might sell up.
968
00:50:19,530 --> 00:50:20,928
And do what?
969
00:50:20,930 --> 00:50:22,410
Nothing. Just...
970
00:50:23,730 --> 00:50:26,690
..call it a day,
find something else to do.
971
00:50:29,330 --> 00:50:30,730
You can't do that.
972
00:50:32,130 --> 00:50:33,130
No, I can.
973
00:50:40,570 --> 00:50:43,570
CAR APPROACHES
974
00:50:55,170 --> 00:50:56,728
CAR DOOR OPENS
975
00:50:56,730 --> 00:50:58,290
He's here.
976
00:50:59,970 --> 00:51:02,208
Do you want me to tell him?
977
00:51:02,210 --> 00:51:03,370
Yeah.
978
00:51:13,690 --> 00:51:15,128
We've had a phone call.
979
00:51:15,130 --> 00:51:18,688
Oh? Nadine. Ringing to see what
the "arrangement" was.
980
00:51:18,690 --> 00:51:20,088
I said, "What arrangement?"
981
00:51:20,090 --> 00:51:25,968
And she said, "Tell him to tell you
about Angelina." He has no money.
982
00:51:25,970 --> 00:51:29,288
He did sell the house for 1.5
million, but it's gone.
983
00:51:29,290 --> 00:51:31,128
All of it. On a woman.
984
00:51:31,130 --> 00:51:35,728
Eh? He met her on a dating site
for older folk.
985
00:51:35,730 --> 00:51:38,248
Except that she was 54.
986
00:51:38,250 --> 00:51:40,208
30 years younger than him!
987
00:51:40,210 --> 00:51:42,968
It sounds like he went silly
over her.
988
00:51:42,970 --> 00:51:45,648
She persuaded him to sell the
house
989
00:51:45,650 --> 00:51:48,928
and buy somewhere smaller
to free up some money.
990
00:51:48,930 --> 00:51:50,408
Only she liked spending -
991
00:51:50,410 --> 00:51:52,568
holidays, cruises...
992
00:51:52,570 --> 00:51:57,928
And then she asked him to invest in
her brother's business - boats.
993
00:51:57,930 --> 00:52:01,208
And that was when the rot set
in, apparently.
994
00:52:01,210 --> 00:52:02,928
Anyway, it's all gone.
995
00:52:02,930 --> 00:52:05,288
Got about 20 grand left. 20?!
996
00:52:05,290 --> 00:52:08,528
And Nadine's had her fair share.
997
00:52:08,530 --> 00:52:12,008
Before they tell you any
different, the little bastards.
998
00:52:12,010 --> 00:52:13,968
And then there's none of 'em
will have me!
999
00:52:13,970 --> 00:52:17,928
So you've got nothing left -
at all -
1000
00:52:17,930 --> 00:52:20,650
except this 20 grand?
1001
00:52:21,770 --> 00:52:23,408
And where is she,
1002
00:52:23,410 --> 00:52:26,328
this...Angelina?
1003
00:52:26,330 --> 00:52:29,730
Well, it all ended rather
acrimoniously.
1004
00:52:30,810 --> 00:52:32,050
She moved on.
1005
00:52:33,970 --> 00:52:35,650
So...
1006
00:52:37,410 --> 00:52:38,410
..can I stop?
1007
00:52:40,490 --> 00:52:42,248
ROCK MUSIC BLARES UPSTAIRS
1008
00:52:42,250 --> 00:52:44,930
BED THUMPS
1009
00:52:50,850 --> 00:52:52,968
CAR APPROACHES
1010
00:52:52,970 --> 00:52:55,930
DOG BARKS
1011
00:52:57,930 --> 00:52:59,370
DOG WHIMPERS
1012
00:53:06,090 --> 00:53:07,728
Hello.
She's thrown me...
1013
00:53:07,730 --> 00:53:10,168
Well, she asked me to leave, so I
wasn't going to hang around.
1014
00:53:10,170 --> 00:53:12,688
I thought you were getting
married.
1015
00:53:12,690 --> 00:53:13,888
HE SCOFFS
1016
00:53:13,890 --> 00:53:16,328
And so why are you here?
Well, because she's thrown me...
1017
00:53:16,330 --> 00:53:18,568
Asked me to leave!
1018
00:53:18,570 --> 00:53:21,168
Well, so can I come in, then?
It's freezing!
1019
00:53:21,170 --> 00:53:21,168
But why are you here?
1020
00:53:21,170 --> 00:53:23,088
PHONE RINGS
1021
00:53:23,090 --> 00:53:24,248
Sorry?
1022
00:53:24,250 --> 00:53:27,448
They have hotels. Who do?
1023
00:53:27,450 --> 00:53:30,728
People.
People have hotels. For people.
1024
00:53:30,730 --> 00:53:32,128
Hello?
1025
00:53:32,130 --> 00:53:33,208
I'm coming in. Caroline?
1026
00:53:33,210 --> 00:53:34,448
Hello?
1027
00:53:34,450 --> 00:53:36,168
It's Judith.
1028
00:53:36,170 --> 00:53:37,288
Oh, hi.
1029
00:53:37,290 --> 00:53:38,568
..I am not your mother.
1030
00:53:38,570 --> 00:53:40,648
Sorry?
Yeah, listen.
1031
00:53:40,650 --> 00:53:42,768
I'm just ringing to say thanks
for today.
1032
00:53:42,770 --> 00:53:44,968
I really enjoyed it.
1033
00:53:44,970 --> 00:53:47,728
And I don't always,
doing things like that.
1034
00:53:47,730 --> 00:53:50,608
And I just wanted to say thank
you.
1035
00:53:50,610 --> 00:53:51,808
Oh, well, it was a pleasure.
1036
00:53:51,810 --> 00:53:53,008
..You can't just turn up here
1037
00:53:53,010 --> 00:53:55,128
thinking you've got a
God-given right to move in.
1038
00:53:55,130 --> 00:53:56,288
Yes, but...
1039
00:53:56,290 --> 00:53:57,408
No, I know that.
1040
00:53:57,410 --> 00:54:00,370
Yeah, and I just wanted to,
erm... Oh, why did I ever...?
1041
00:54:01,730 --> 00:54:03,328
Listen.
1042
00:54:03,330 --> 00:54:05,448
I realised something...
1043
00:54:05,450 --> 00:54:06,770
..really big today...
1044
00:54:08,050 --> 00:54:09,328
..when I saw you.
1045
00:54:09,330 --> 00:54:10,968
What?
1046
00:54:10,970 --> 00:54:13,928
Why did I ever look at anyone
else when I had you?
1047
00:54:13,930 --> 00:54:15,728
You wouldn't like to go...
1048
00:54:15,730 --> 00:54:17,610
..out for dinner with me,
would you?
1049
00:54:22,570 --> 00:54:24,810
She was a lovely person.
1050
00:54:26,930 --> 00:54:30,328
She fair cheered me up.
1051
00:54:30,330 --> 00:54:35,848
I'd got that used to being lonely,
I'd forgotten about being happy -
1052
00:54:35,850 --> 00:54:38,850
how it changes you,
lifts you up.
1053
00:54:41,090 --> 00:54:44,810
She liked doing stuff,
living life...
1054
00:54:46,090 --> 00:54:48,410
..having adventures.
1055
00:54:49,570 --> 00:54:53,048
It was my idea to put the house on
the market.
1056
00:54:53,050 --> 00:54:54,368
It made sense -
1057
00:54:54,370 --> 00:54:57,568
it was worth so much by then.
1058
00:54:57,570 --> 00:54:59,448
And the only cash I had
was my pension,
1059
00:54:59,450 --> 00:55:02,250
so it seemed daft sitting on it.
1060
00:55:04,330 --> 00:55:06,728
So...
1061
00:55:06,730 --> 00:55:08,210
..we were happy...
1062
00:55:09,330 --> 00:55:10,570
..for, what...
1063
00:55:11,850 --> 00:55:14,050
..about 18 months or so?
1064
00:55:15,890 --> 00:55:19,288
Until that business with her
brother cropped up.
1065
00:55:19,290 --> 00:55:20,728
KNOCK ON DOOR
1066
00:55:20,730 --> 00:55:21,930
I'll go.
1067
00:55:23,930 --> 00:55:26,048
Well, did you go to the police?
1068
00:55:26,050 --> 00:55:27,210
Yes.
1069
00:55:30,970 --> 00:55:33,928
Turns out, they think
it's not the first time
1070
00:55:33,930 --> 00:55:36,888
that they've taken someone
for a ride... Oh...
1071
00:55:36,890 --> 00:55:41,530
..these two. Do you mean, right from
the beginning, it was a scam?!
1072
00:55:45,090 --> 00:55:49,008
Hello, Rick. Mrs Buttershaw, erm,
I'm sorry about this,
1073
00:55:49,010 --> 00:55:51,568
but we think he's gone bust -
Martin.
1074
00:55:51,570 --> 00:55:56,568
He owes us six weeks' wages, me and
Adam, and he's disappeared.
1075
00:55:56,570 --> 00:55:57,970
We think he's gone bust.
1076
00:56:02,290 --> 00:56:04,448
Morning! Is this a bad time to
be calling?
1077
00:56:04,450 --> 00:56:06,208
Starting a relationship with an
alcoholic
1078
00:56:06,210 --> 00:56:08,968
is not at the top of my list
of things to do.
1079
00:56:08,970 --> 00:56:11,448
500 grand, all in.
All 35 acres, the house...
1080
00:56:11,450 --> 00:56:14,648
Is that what it's worth? I am
worried you're going to regret it.
1081
00:56:14,650 --> 00:56:17,488
I'd like to go to Bridlington.
I could drive you. I have a car.
1082
00:56:17,490 --> 00:56:19,528
We'd have to get the bus down to
Sowerby Bridge,
1083
00:56:19,530 --> 00:56:21,408
though, to pick it up. Ted?
1084
00:56:21,410 --> 00:56:23,448
HARRY: Ted's gone AWOL again.
1085
00:56:23,450 --> 00:56:26,208
He is not all there, is he?
Hey...
1086
00:56:26,210 --> 00:56:27,848
I don't remember any of this.
1087
00:56:27,850 --> 00:56:29,768
As well as that,
they think he's vulnerable.
1088
00:56:29,770 --> 00:56:32,250
We need to find him. Yes, I think
that's why we're all here.
128515
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