All language subtitles for Last Tango in Halifax S03E06 x264 RB58_bup

~ Gary!
~ Did Alan like the football?
~ He can't leave us alone!

He's a bit of a bloody
nuisance, Gary.

Three times he introduced me
to people - "This is my dad".

This little old man managed
to get his narrow boat wedged.

My dad has to make a decision.

~ You're getting married!
~ Can you

live with someone, sleep
with someone, knowing you

~ murdered his brother?
~ I think I've upset Gillian.

He thinks we haven't got two brass
farthings to wipe our arses with.

I offered to pay for the wedding.

Dad, you're not going
to believe this.

Morning!

~ Lovely morning for it!
~ Yes! Isn't it?

~ Morning!
~ That's nice.

A gay couple with a baby.

~ Who are they?
~ I've no idea.

What time are we leaving, Dad?

~ Can you field that one?
~ SHE SIGHS

Gillian!

~ Hey, is this here straight?
~ You're lovely, Alan. You're perfect.

~ What's she doing?
~ Give her another shout.

Gillian?!

~ We're going to be late.
~ Is she still in the bathroom?

I've no idea.

Gillian?!

Gillian?

Gillian?

What's up?

I, um...

I can't do it. You were right.

~ I can't marry him.
~ OK. All right. OK.

It's not, it's not, it's
not because of that...

Eddie... thing...

business, specifically. It's
all sorts, it's everything.

~ It's me dad.
~ Your dad?

~ It's our Raff.
~ How?
~ I didn't want a stupid big do.

I said that. I kept saying that,

and now here we are,

~ £10,000 later.
~ OK.

~ And what for?
~ OK.
~ Other people.

The only reason, the only reason

I accepted this is because
of all the arguing

~ after that stupid article in The Courier!
~ Mmm.

Guilt.

I accepted it. A - because it
was what everybody else wanted,

and... and B -

I felt guilty.

~ Why didn't he come and talk to me?
~ It's not how he does things.

Instead of just going silent on me
and not answering any phone calls?

He doesn't make a fuss.
It's not his way.

~ It's embarrassing. You've embarrassed him.
~ How?

It's like saying, "Here's this
little old fella who was

"unfaithful to his wife
all those years ago".

That isn't - that wasn't - that
isn't what it was about at all!

No, but it's implied.

It's fairly obvious what
the story behind it is.

THAT is going to get read
by everyone who knows him,

everyone round here,

and it's embarrassing.
You've humiliated him.

No, I haven't.

Fine. You asked me why he seems to
have stopped bothering with you.

Well, as far as I'm aware, that's
what seems to be the answer.

Well, if anyone should
be embarrassed, it's me.

Finding out that the man who I
thought was my dad wasn't my dad.

Age 46!

It's ME who's been humiliated
and lied to and God knows what.

Well, yeah, obviously.
That's your perspective.

~ My perspective?
~ Yes! That's...

I'm not making light of it, obviously
you're having it to deal with, but...

I didn't do the interview
to embarrass him.

~ Nobody's...
~ That isn't why I did it.

Yeah, nobody thinks that,
that's not the point.

I did it because I wanted to CELEBRATE
the fact that he's my dad.

I did it to EMBRACE the
fact that he's my dad.

I don't want any of us to
be embarrassed about it.

Well, that's very nice. Obviously.

But, from his point of view,

you can see, surely you can see,

that you've pointed out,
in public, that he

was unfaithful to the
woman he was married to.

~ My mother.
~ My granny.

I don't think that's
how people will see it.

It's how he sees it.

Is this Celia?

She's found an excuse to
go all funny about it again

and make him feel bad about things.

No!

If anything, she's the one
been trying to make out it's

~ not as bad as he thinks.
~ Really?
~ Yeah.

And...

I think me grandad's right
about me going to university

and getting a degree.

Not that I'm not grateful.
For the job. Offer. But...

I think...

.. on balance...

I'd rather stick to
the original plan.

He keeps going up to my mum's
plaque. At the chapel.

~ Up Blackley, where we scattered her ashes.
~ Why?

Because he feels guilty.

Look, Gary, no-one thinks
you did it out of malice.

Well, maybe. I dunno.

Maybe he SHOULD feel
a little bit guilty.

Yeah, well, he does. So...

~ Should I apologise?
~ Well, you could try.

I'm sorry.

I AM sorry. I don't know
what else I can say.

~ So what was the big idea?
~ There wasn't one.

They came to interview
me about the charity,

the fundraising that we do,

and I happened to
mention you, and me,

and the thing that's happened.

And, suddenly, the article
ended up being more about you

and me than about the charity. You
know what journalists are like!

You're talking about one thing and
they latch onto something else.

I don't think this is anywhere near

as bad as you think it is.

Most people wouldn't bat an eyelid.

Most people don't even
read The Courier.

They wouldn't publish the
thing if nobody read it!

Of course people read it!

People who know me read it.

People who knew Eileen read it.

It might only be a small
handful of people,

but they are still very much alive!

~ Most of 'em.
~ Did it not occur to you

to talk to Alan about it, at least,

before they published it?

Yeah, and don't talk to me
like I was born last week!

You knew damned well what you were
doing, talking to a journalist.

I know what it's about.
You're angry with me.

~ I'm not angry with you.
~ You're angry with me, because you think I

should've done something
to help your mum.

Well, if I'd known, I would've
done, but I didn't!

I didn't know about it,

but that doesn't help you, because
you're angry with me, as well,

for not knowing. For not knowing you
existed. So you want to lash out,

and, though, you probably
know that it's irrational,

but that doesn't matter either,

because all you want to do
is humiliate me, I suspect.

Well, well done, you've succeeded.

Hm.

Well, um... That's interesting.

It's rubbish, but it's
interesting rubbish.

Perhaps I should go.

I think we should
get on the internet,

and get those tickets for
Australia booked. Now. Today.

I think he touched a nerve. Me dad.

I think Gary's motives with that

newspaper article were a bit dubious.

So, they're not speaking to each
other. Our Raff's declined,

thank God, Gary's very generous

thank-you offer to stop him going
to university and take him

on full-time and train him to be
something he's never expressed

any interest in whatsoever.

Accountancy. So...

That's how I end up in this...

.. fix.

Peace-keeping.

My wedding is a glorified
peace-keeping operation.

OK. So...

OK, so, I think, to begin
with, it's not a fix.

If you stand back and look
at it, it's, it's...

bigger than you wanted, yes.
But, actually, what is it?

It's a few hours standing there,
smiling and then it's all over!

The chances are, I bet you anything,
you'll get to the end of the day -

earlier, sooner - once the
formalities are over and done with,

and you'll realise that, actually,
you're having a great time.

Or at the very least
it's just not that bad.

~ How're we doing?
~ What do you think?

~ Is it about something else?
~ No, no, no.

It'll be fine. Come on,
you don't want your dad

~ to think it's his fault.
~ Don't I?

It's really normal to feel
like this, at the last minute.

I bet you've got all
sorts of daft misgivings

buzzing around in your head, but
you've just got to keep telling

yourself that it's normal, yeah? OK?

You didn't want me to marry him.

Yeah. But we talked that through and
you made the decision, didn't you?

Hair of the dog.

~ Does that work?
~ I've never tried it.

I've no sympathy.

Yeah, Celia. You keep saying.

~ Try it, see if it works.
~ What do you fancy? I'll get it.

What were you doing drinking
till three o'clock this morning?

It was a stag night.

~ I've got a banging headache.
~ What do you fancy then, lad?

A brandy? A whisky? Doubles?

Aye, go on.

I think it must be summat else.

I'm wondering if I'm
coming down with flu.

~ Hello, Celia!
~ Hello!

Robbie, you looking
forward to Majorca?

You'll love it!

I've told Mariella, the housekeeper,
just to stay out of your way.

That's that lanky streak of
greasy shite I told you about

that she insisted on inviting.

You have got the ring
safe, haven't you?

No, Robbie. I've flogged it.

Hey. Are you going
to say "hiya" to Gary?

Course I am. I haven't
fallen out with him.

And, just going back
to the other thing,

I'm not overly impressed with Robbie.

Well, you're the one
that's marrying him!

It'll all be fine when we get there.

We've had more f-king arguments
about this wedding than

anything I can ever remember.

You see, I just think that's
really normal, too.

Yeah? Do you?

Gillian. It's agreed,
we've accepted it!

Yeah, because of me dad falling
out with him, and then our Raff

deciding he's not taking him
up on his stupid job offer!

It's booked, it's paid for! We've
sent out the invitations!

We've - you've been happily choosing
all the stuff you want.

Flowers, menu, decor.

Only because people have kept ringing
up and asking bloody questions!

You're being - you are being
irrational. Just relax.

Just enjoy it, for God's
sake! Just go with the flow!

~ Is this about something else?
~ It's about not being

in control of my own wedding.

It's about having my wedding
hijacked by Mr Moneybags

and turned into a circus.

And you - you - going
on and on and on at me!

It would've been weird
not to have accepted it!

It wouldn't! It would not!

It would've been...

~ normal.
~ Gillian!

Stop being a twat.

Sorry. I know I should've
done this sooner,

but I thought we'd be
setting off earlier.

~ I'll be two minutes, literally.
~ I'll pay.

~ No, Alan, it's my...
~ No, it'll be quicker.

There is more to it
than what I've said.

OK.

~ I shagged this bloke I work with.
~ When?

~ Ollie.
~ When?
~ At the supermarket.

Not at the supermarket.

~ In the back of his van.
~ So this is...?
~ Four weeks ago.

HE LAUGHS

~ Y'all right?
~ Why do men giggle?

Cos it's silly.

What is?

Sex.

Obviously, it shouldn't
have happened.

But, obviously, it was cos
of Robbie calling me a twat.

I just thought, "Right. Fuck you,

"that is going to have repercussions.

"Whether I like it or not,
I know what I'm like,

"THAT is going to
have repercussions."

~ Was it just that once?
~ Yes.
~ Lashing out.

~ If you like.
~ And this Ollie lad, he's someone you've...?

Had shenanigans with before?

Yeah, he's an old...

.. well, I say old - he's 24.

But, yeah.

Bit of an old pal, yeah.

~ Not, not, that, that...
~ No.

Except, it's not like you're
embarking on something new.

~ If it was just...
~ No, no, no.

~ An old...
~ Yes.

~ And that's how this lad, this...?
~ Ollie.
~ Ollie - sees it?

He's not likely to kick up a fuss?

No. God no!

~ Except he's, he'll be there.
~ To, to the...?
~ I invited him.

~ Today?
~ Yeah, well, I'd sent out the
invites, hadn't I? Before I...

~ .. with him.
~ But he's not - not - not going to...

~ say anything.
~ No. No. No.

~ I don't know.
~ Jesus!

I doubt it!

So is this... something you
want to tell Robbie about,

~ to get off your chest, before you...?
~ No. No. I just...

needed to tell someone... else.

Right.

I know you think I'm
a right old slapper.

No, I don't... I don't... think
things like that, I think...

you're an adult. People
are what they are.

I don't like feeling trapped,
owned. Chattel... ated.

~ That's not a word.
~ No.
~ But you know what I mean.
~ Yeah.

I think... you've got
to shoulder the burden.

The guilt, whatever.

Put it all behind you.

Tell yourself it happened,
it won't happen again,

and move forward. Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where are you?

We've just had to stop and put
a drop of petrol in the Jeep.

We'd have thought you'd
have been here by now.

We were delayed leaving the house.

Why?

~ Well...
~ Where are you?

Sowerby Bridge.

You'll be another 20 minutes
from Sowerby Bridge.

~ At least.
~ I think we'll be all right,
if she puts her foot down.

Why were you delayed?

Oh, she was in the bathroom.

~ Delayed?
~ They're in Sowerby Bridge.

They've just stopped
to get some petrol.

Gillian was delayed in the bathroom.

Listen, Alan, don't go
racing. Tell Caroline.

For the sake of five minutes,
you can be fashionably late.

None of us lot here are going
anywhere. Nobody will mind.

OK.

You want to get yersen
a drink, Ollie.

It looks like kick off's
going to be delayed.

And everyone's here.

More or less, I think.

Gary's here.

~ Is he?
~ And Felicity and the girls.

Right.

I hope you're going
to be civil to him.

It wasn't - it wasn't - it wasn't...
OK, it wasn't just, uh, Ollie.

OK.

Well, what else?

John. John. It was John.

~ And that was your fault.
~ My fault?

~ Indirectly.
~ Oh, I'm dying to hear this.

It was when he thought
you were shagging Greg!

~ Who thought I was shagging Greg?
~ He did! John did!
~ When?

When he moved in. At your house.
Greg, when Greg moved in!

~ John did?!
~ Yes.
~ John did?!
~ Me dad! Shut up!

If he stays out of my way,
I'll stay out of his.

Well, that's hardly civil, is it?

You need to put your foot down.

Well, it's the best
he's going to get.

Well, I think it's a shame.

Course it's a shame.

It's a shame he's the insensitive,
self-centred sod he is,

~ but there we are.
~ You see.

I think you need to get
over it and move on.

~ What? What do I see?
~ I am over it, I have moved on.

No, you haven't. You're still angry.

It's because of this Gary...

business that we've ended up
with this... bloody silly big do

~ that I never wanted.
~ Are you still there?

And I've got to go to
Majorca for two weeks!

~ Life's just full of crap, isn't it?
~ Alan?

I'm going to have to go now, Celia.
We'll be with you shortly.

~ Don't race, tell her.
~ Yeah, yeah, whatever.
~ Bye.
~ Ta-ta.

~ What are you talking about?
~ Who?

~ You. This Gary business.
~ You and Gary, falling out!

It's the only reason
I'm in this mess.

And, you know, the irony is it was me

that rang you up and told you
about this stupid article

in t'Courier in the first place.
Wish I'd never said owt.

You'd never have seen it!
You were in Harrogate!

~ Well, what's that got to do with this?
~ We're going around in circles.

Gillian, do you want me to
turn around and go back?

~ Eh, eh. Does she hell as like!
~ Oh, you see, this is it!

I'm not allowed to have my
own response to anything!

Of course you are.
Don't be so stupid.

It were YOU that wanted this big do.

No...! Oh...! Oh, shit!

Look, if you don't want
to go, just say so.

I'll turn around and we'll
go back. I'll ring someone.

My mum, and ask to speak to Robbie's
best man. What's he called? Dave?

~ And he can break it to
him gently, all right?
~ Are you serious?

I think personally, it
wouldn't be a great thing

to do to Robbie at this stage,

~ but if that is what you want...
~ You never wanted me to marry him!

You can't keep saying that, not now!

~ Who didn't want you to marry him?
~ She didn't! Caroline didn't!

~ Didn't she?
~ Why?

Just with Gillian having
been married to Eddie

and all the trouble... in the
past. That's just, you know...

~ That's... all.
~ Oh. Well, aye.

~ What were you saying about John?
~ John?! What about John?!

I went up to the farm.
There was no-one there.

Then I found Harry wandering
about with a baby

and he said you work here now.

~ The farm? You nutter. Robbie
could have been there.
~ So?

~ I thought we said you weren't
going to visit me again.
~ I know, but...

I don't know.

~ Couldn't think of anyone else, really.
~ Anyone else... for what?

To talk to.

~ What's up?
~ Do you get a break?

Um...

~ What are you doing here?
~ Hi, Gillian.

~ Is this fella bothering you?
~ No. You're all right. I can handle him.

I knock off at six.

~ A fella?
~ Greg.

He's the baby's father.

I don't think they're...
I don't think...

.. they sleep in the same
bedroom or anything.

Well, they don't. I know they don't.
Lawrence told me. But he's there.

He's in MY house with
MY son and MY wife...

.. and it's appalling.

He's actually moved in?!

They did a trial. And I thought,
yeah, whatever, that won't last.

He won't be able to stand that
for more than five minutes,

but they love him.

Lawrence loves him, Caroline loves
him, Celia loves him. It's all so...

I didn't mind, with Kate. Kate
was... You know. She was...

She was all right. Really.

But this tosser...

~ Who is he?
~ Well, if he's the baby's father...
~ Yeah, but, you know...

"What" is he? He could be anything.

My God, they... Maybe they
are having sex. I don't know.

Is this the bloke they fell
out about when Kate went off

and got pregnant?

~ Yeah. I suppose it must be.
~ I thought she couldn't stand him.

~ Caroline.
~ Yeah. Well, she seems very fond of him now.

Well, she will be, if it means she's
been able to get back to work.

He's such a... He's so...

.. gauche. He wears flip-flops.

~ Jesus.
~ In my house.

I thought they'd... bought you out.

The lesbians.

Yes, but one still has
an attachment, obviously.

To the old place.

I offered to do that.

~ I offered to move back in
and help out with the baby.
~ Did you?
~ Yes.

But course, she turns me
down. She'd rather have him.

This bloke in flip-flops, who
allegedly she can't stand.

Why?

I asked her if there was
an argument for me and her

getting back together.

~ Ah...
~ And she didn't...
~ So you weren't just...
~ No.

.. offering to look after the baby.

~ I thought it would be good for Lawrence...
~ Obviously.

~ .. seeing his parents...
~ Yeah.
~ .. get back together, but...
~ Mm.

And none of it should have
happened. That's the tragedy.

Bloody Judith!

I didn't know she was an alcoholic.

Not when it started.

And then when I realised, it was
too late. Caroline had found out.

Isn't it odd... how
one ridiculous mistake

can change so much?

I've got an idea.

Mm, but, Simon, I have to say, I
think he'd be more interesting if we

had more of a tribal thing going
on, like some sort of Aztecy name,

like, um...

Baron Nahuatl, or something
like Mixocolpec.

Or Quetzalcoatl.

~ KNOCK AT DOOR
~ Oh, the door.

If it was more a sort of Leia
- Han Solo thing, you know?

"I love you." "I know."

And then he goes off
and sacrifices himself.

~ Hi.
~ I'm just... Simon, can
I give you a ring back?

Terrific. Will do.

~ In a bit. Ta-ta. John.
~ Greg. How are things?

~ Good, good, good...
~ Just thought I'd...

Oh, she's at work, bossing
everyone around.

I shouldn't say that. Slapped wrist.

~ Yeah, I know, but... she can be a bit...
~ But we love her.

I, um... I came to see you, actually.

~ Oh, OK.
~ Sorry, were you...?
~ Oh, it's Simon. He's my partner.

My work partner, not my... I'm
not... Not that... Neither is he.

Not that it would matter if we were.

Either of us. Although... I don't
think I'd fancy him, even if I was.

Or vice versa.

But no, he writes the scripts
and I do the illustrations.

Wow.

Yeah, we're very collaborative,
um... I tell him what I think.

He ignores me! It works quite well!

Come through.

What am I saying? It's
your house. Well, it was.

See? Can't open my mouth without
putting my foot in it.

I think I've had too much
caffeine. That's the danger.

You get so involved, you don't

always realise how many
cafetieres you've got through.

Look, Flora. Look who
it is! It's Uncle John!

Although, you're kind
of her half-stepdad.

If Lawrence is her
stepbrother. Are you?

Aren't you? I don't
know. Can you do that?

Can you have a dad and a
half-stepdad? Probably not.

Because you and Caroline
are divorced, so...

I don't know what I'm talking about.

FLORA WHIMPERS

I've brought lunch!

You're kidding me! So
he insinuated himself.

They'd been having lunch together
and trips out with Flora

and all sorts for a week or two
before you twigged on, apparently.

~ What are you doing here?
~ Oh, Greg asked me.

I was passing and he
had to go to a meeting.

~ In Manchester. And he
was going to take Flora...
~ Greg did?

To Manchester?

~ He never told me.
~ No, that's the thing. He forgot.

So I said, "Look, why don't I look
after Flora for a few hours?"

And he thought you'd
be fine with that.

And you just... happened
to be passing?

Yeah. And she's fine.
She's absolutely fine.

We went to the park and
looked at the geese

and we had a conversation about Derrida
and Deconstructionism and...

Yes! Yes, we did!

I made a lasagne. It's in the oven.

And there's some salad and
a couple of bottles of wine.

That is so... Wow!

That bit, when they finally catch
up with Vex and he tells them

the plan and they're like,
"When are you going to do it?"

And he says, "I already have,"
and then all the bombs go off.

That took ages. That whole
attack on Flashpoint City.

~ It's like the biggest...
~ Isn't that like Watchmen?

In the inversion on the villain
monologuing cliche,

where it turns out they've
already done it.

~ It's... Have you read Watchmen?
~ When did you read Watchmen?

When it came out in the '80s.

~ Well, yeah. That's what we were going for.
~ Beautiful.

Beautiful illustrations.

Are you going travelling, Caroline?

Oh, I was thinking
later in the summer,

when Mum and Alan
go off to Australia.

I wondered about taking Flora
over to New York to see Ginika.

Ooh, aeroplanes!

Hey, it's half-past six.

Three days in a row.

No colic.

He just wanted to be part of
your life again, so it was like,

if you can't beat Greg, join him
and prove how invaluable you are.

OK. That's mad. But what's it
got to do with all this, now?

You shilly-shallying about
turning up at the wedding.

~ I thought you meant you'd...
~ Yeah.

Well, just after that, that was
when the... thing happened.

What thing?

Well...

OK...

Shit!

~ Idiot! Did you see that?
~ Jerk!

You tosser!

Oh, hang on...

Is summat up?

~ Oh, God!
~ That's all we need!

We can only be ten minutes
from the hotel.

We just need to ring someone
up to come and fetch us.

~ No signal.
~ No, neither have I.

We should have gone through Halifax
instead of coming over the tops.

Yeah.

OK. Well...

~ This is a sign.
~ What is?

~ From God. That I shouldn't turn up.
~ Oh!

I think between us, we can
change a wheel in ten minutes.

They're expecting us to be a little
bit late anyway, aren't they?

~ That's true.
~ So...

He's not changing a wheel.
You're not changing a wheel.

You've got a heart condition.

~ Well, where's the manual?
I can read instructions.
~ The glove compartment.

You realise we're going to
get covered in... cack and goo

and grease and... general shite?

Yup. But we're not
just standing here.

They'll all start crying. Would
you like some champagne?

Cheese. Oh, fascinating.

Yup.

I'm Gillian's stepmother.

Cool. Cool.

So, you've only known
her a few months, then?

~ Since she's been working at Pattersons?
~ No. No...

Me and Gillian go way back.

Oh, do you?

In what capacity?

So, what's this thing
then, that happened?

It's wonderful.

Well, potentially, it's wonderful.

You see... I don't know...

Even though she has...
come out of the closet,

I don't know that she
wouldn't, you know...

I mean, we were married for 18
years. We had sex for 18 years.

She can't... I mean...

She must be bisexual. Really.

Mustn't she?

So, if she can see that
I'm there, I'm around,

I'm part of the team,
part of the gang...

You know, who knows?

Eventually, she might, you know,
think... actually, he's all right.

I mean, she married me once.

Why is it too optimistic to imagine
she might want to do it again?

~ You all right?
~ Yeah.

No, you're not. What's the matter?

Well...

~ What?
~ You know...

~ You, going on about her, like...
~ Like...?

You used to come over to see me.

Now, you come over just
to go on about her.

I thought you didn't... You weren't...
interested in me any more.

I thought we were just friends.

I don't know if me marrying
Robbie is the right thing.

Why?

Just... me.

I sometimes think, you know, that
day... When you both proposed to me.

I sometimes...

I don't know.

What?

Well, I wonder if I chose...

Chose the...

Chose the wrong person.

I mean, I know you're a bit of a one

and that Robbie's probably
very good for me.

But... I don't know if that's enough.

I mean, I think sometimes you need
a bit of madness in your life.

CAR HORN

~ Ow! Ow! Ow!
~ Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!

Quick...

I knew it was a mistake before
anything even happened.

But it was why I wanted to do it
in the first place that haunts me.

So, his plan was thinking that
I'd have him back? Oh...

I think it still is, cos
obviously, after that,

~ I had to send him packing again.
~ That is SO misguided!
~ Mm.

So, hang on... So, you've shagged
Ollie and John in the last...?

It was more of a fumble with John.

~ The logistics were a bit...
~ OK.

~ But, yeah.
~ OK, this is impossible.

Is it?

You see, they screw them on in the
factory with a pneumatic thingy...

You need to stand on the lever.

~ Shift over, I'll do it.
~ No! We're keeping you clean!

~ Stand on it?
~ Yeah.

Yeah, then you've got
your whole weight.

Then, you need to jump
up and down a bit.

That's it.

Is it shifting?

Yeah.

Shit! Oh!

It's worked! It's worked, look!

There's just the other
four to loosen now.

Oh, shit!

You're doing REALLY well.

I get covered in crap every
day, as a matter of course,

and it's not that bad. Honestly.
It's just horse shit, that.

It's nice. It's friendly.
It's good for you.

They're not carnivorous, so,
you know... could be worse.

It's just grass. It's... It's
grass and bacteria, really.

You're a chemist.

Oh, no!

~ OK, let me...
~ No, no! You stand back.

One of us is going to get there
looking decent and obviously,

~ it isn't going to be me.
~ Are you all right?
~ She's fine.

One day, we'll look back
at this and laugh.

Or not. Possibly.

Were those shoes very expensive?

You don't think it's
going to rain, do you?

THUNDERCLAP

None of them's answering
their phones.

~ They must be stuck in traffic.
~ But it's ten past...

It's past ten past 11.

~ We knew they might be a
bit late, though, didn't we?
~ Did we?

You're surely not worried
she's changed her mind?

I wouldn't put it past her.

~ Don't be daft!
~ Are you drinking too much, Robbie?

I just want to get on with it, Celia.
I've got a banging headache.

Well, Robbie, brandy's
not going to cure that.

She'd better not have changed
her mind cos, you know,

~ two can play at that game!
~ Can they?

~ So, is it true?
~ Who told you that?

Little thingy over there
with the baby. Ellie.

Ah, OK.

You paid Harry's costs.

~ Well...
~ £46,000.

Does it matter?

You don't know these people.

~ God! You've spent ten grand on this!
~ I felt sorry for him

AND I thought it might make Alan
a little bit more, you know...

~ A little bit less ill disposed towards me.
~ And did it?
~ No.

He accused me of trying
to suck up to his friends.

You had better not tell
my father that you've

undermined his authority!

No, I'm going to tell your father
anything I like. It's my money.

Yeah, sorry, Richard.

I paid this 75-year-old
man's costs for him

because your ruling meant he wouldn't
have a roof over his head!

He damaged the lock. People
were inconvenienced for weeks.

He was drunk.

It was an accident!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

They're here.

Yeah, she had to change the... wheel.

~ How did that happen?
~ Talk about being fashionably late!

~ I mean, I know it's a woman's prerogative...
~ A puncture?

Yeah, right up on the tops.

Above Wainstalls. We
couldn't get a signal.

I started to think that
you'd changed your mind.

~ You've been drinking?
~ Hair of the dog.

~ Are you all right?
~ Yeah, I'm fine. I changed
a wheel. It's no big deal.

What have you done with your shoe?

I think we might need a few minutes
to freshen ourselves up a bit.

Is there someone's bedroom
or a bathroom we can use?

This whole thing needs to have
got started like 20 minutes since.

£10,000, they can hang on.

~ The registrar's got another do to get to.
~ Yes, well, I need a wee.

And some sympathy, actually,
might not go amiss.

You're lucky we're here.

Caroline, come on.

HE BURPS

There was something else.

What?

It was weird.

What was?

Yesterday.

Robbie, before he set off
up here to his stag do.

I'll be off in the next few minutes.
I was just coming to say ta-ra.

Have fun.

Don't overdo it.

There was something I wanted to say.

To tell you before... Before we...

Before tomorrow.

What?

What?

You know that night a
couple of months ago,

when you told me about our Eddie?

That he used to knock you about.

Yeah.

Well...

.. I knew.

I knew he did.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I pretended that
I didn't know, cos I did know.

Right.

I should have done something and
I didn't because he was my brother.

And then when you told me,
that night, I couldn't...

I pretended like I'd never known.

It was cowardly.

I was a coward.

And I'm sorry.

OK.

You see? That's why,
when he died and I...

When you were arrested
and questioned...

What?

That's why I was convinced that
you'd done something to him.

Because I knew what you were
having to put up with.

And I feel like I'd been living
with a lie, some kind of deceit,

if I married you, knowing that
and not saying anything.

So I've said it.

I knew... I knew and I did nothing.

And I'm sorry.

I'm ashamed.

So, if...

If I had... killed him...

.. would you have blamed me?

I lived in terror,
every day for years.

Terror for my life. My sanity.

And with a child to look after
in the middle of it all.

And there were times, and I
know how much he loved Raff,

but there were times when I lived

in fear of what me might do to him.

~ He was ill.
~ He was mad.

That's what I meant.

So...

.. could you have blamed me...

.. if I had?

No.

No.

But you didn't, did you?

Thank God.

Because murder's murder, he said.

And that was it.

I said I was glad he told me.

And that was it.

Which is why I don't think
I can go through with it.

It wasn't all that other stuff.
That was just... excuses, rubbish.

You see,

I've always imagined,

in some mad, alternative universe

that one day, I could
tell him the truth

and he would understand.

And he'd forgive me.

But now, I know

that he never would.

Ever.

He's a copper.

It's how he thinks.

I'm sorry.

I should have told you that in the
first place, before we set off.

That's why I couldn't
come out the bathroom.

I couldn't say it, so I came
out with all that other shit!

Wow!

Yeah.

But if you pulled out now,

what reason would you give him?

Ollie? John?

Gary paying for everything,

me being bull-dozed into stuff?

Or I could say I was upset
about what he'd told me.

That he knew Eddie knocked
me about and he did nothing.

~ I don't know what to say.
~ I wish I'd listened to you.

It was wrong. I should never
have got involved with him.

You were right.

~ You were right.
~ I don't know what to say.

You've been a really good friend

and I've just... dumped a load
of crap on you, as usual.

Don't worry about that. It's fine.
It's what friends are for. I just...

I don't know what to say.

On the other hand,
he's such a nice man

and he's had such a rubbish life.

He was orphaned, his
brother got murdered...

Died. And now...

How could I think of standing him

up at the altar in front
of all his friends?

Wouldn't that be worse? Now?
Now we've got this far?

You know,

you can always get divorced.

Afterwards.

Yeah.

I look ridiculous.

Yes, you do.

I, Gillian Alison
Greenwood, take you,

Robert Michael Greenwood,
to be my husband.

Bucket.

Thanks.

To have and to hold,
from this day forward,

for better, for worse,

for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in...

HE RETCHES

GASPS AND LAUGHTER

ROBBIE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

No problem.

I do think it's flu.

Yeah, yeah.

~ It's not like I'm somebody
who can't take a drink.
~ No.

To love and to cherish...?

To love and to cherish,

till death us do part.

~ Hi.
~ Hello, lad.

~ Alan.
~ How do?

~ Nice to see you.
~ Is it?

~ How are things?
~ Oh, fair to middling.

~ Well, you got here, anyway. So...
~ Yeah, looks like it.

You look very dapper.

~ What does he want?
~ OK, I want...

I wanted to talk to you properly
about what happened.

I wanted us to try and find a better
way of dealing with things.

I'm just going to...

.. go see if Robbie's all right.

~ Really?
~ One thing I did want to say

was I think that you might be right.

What you said about me wanting
to lash out. Maybe... Maybe I did.

Maybe there was something in that.

I didn't think there was when
you said it, but these things

aren't always obvious, even
to ourselves, you know, but...

.. you're right, I realised. There
are things I'm angry about.

And a lot of it probably
is irrational.

But that doesn't always make
it any easier to deal with.

Actually, it probably makes it
harder cos you keep on finding

yourself going round in these silly
little circles. And that's just...

That's stupid and irritating
and... annoying.

I'd like, for instance...

I keep wanting to say, didn't
it ever occur to you to find out

if my mother was pregnant before
you just wrote her off?

~ I didn't just write her off!
~ And I know you didn't just write her off.

~ Probably wasn't like that at all.
~ I tried to find her!

I stayed behind after five o'clock,
went through all the filing

cabinets, looking for her
address, I asked questions,

as well as I could, without
rousing anyone's suspicions.

I felt terrible when
she just disappeared!

You see? I do know all that.
I can imagine all that.

But then, there are so many
what ifs, whys, that haunt you

and I'm not normally like that, I'm
normally someone who can just get on,

but it's been a shock.

And I'm sorry if... I've
not handled it very well.

Well, for what it's worth, I think

you've both handled it
very well, on the whole.

I mean, it was never going
to be easy, was it?

Maybe, when you get back from
New Zealand and Australia,

we could have lunch. Together.
The three of us.

I'll leave you to it.

What do you think?

I want nothing to do with him.

Oh. This isn't like you, to be
so pig-headed about something.

Yeah, well... Happen it changes
people, a thing like that.

I don't want to be
constantly reminded by him

about that regrettable
part of my life.

No, I know, but to be fair,
it isn't his fault, is it?

~ I do think he's trying.
~ Oh, yes. He's very trying.

~ Give him another chance.
~ Why should I?

~ Kids are allowed to make mistakes.
~ He's not a kid!

They're all our kids, aren't
they, in one way or another?

We're the oldest. Shouldn't we
try to be bigger about things?

What, like you are with Caroline?

I know I'm not perfect.

There's two more over there you've
not met. Matilda and Rowena.

Gary's girls.

Hm...

Right, here we go.

What?

He wants to upgrade our
flights to first-class.

As a gesture, to say sorry.

And I know you think he's flashy
with his money, but I,

for one, would like to say yes, as
it's a bloody long way to Auckland.

I'm going to go home and
get changed and come back.

There's no point hanging
around looking like this.

I'm taking Flora, then Greg
can relax and enjoy himself.

Thank you. For today.

I'm sorry I'm such a...

~ .. liability.
~ Never a dull moment, eh?

How long are you going to be?

Cos we've got a taxi picking us up
at two. Our flight's at 20 past five.

~ Really?
~ Yup.
~ Today?
~ Good planning, eh?

~ I thought you were going tomorrow.
~ No, no.

~ The sooner I can get away
from this, the better.
~ OK. Well... have fun.

And you. Both of you.

New York!

~ When are you going?
~ Monday.

~ Same day they fly off to Australia.
~ Wow!

Aren't we all a bunch of jetsetters?

OK. Well, you have fun too and
I'll see you when you get back.

I expect you will.

I'll ring you.

I'm just... I'm coming back.

There's no point staying there.
Not looking like this.

And anyway, I just kept thinking
about the day we got married.

It's all we had.

One day.

That one day and I spent most of
it being angry with my mother.

Greg's been great.

I'm glad you persuaded
me to ring him.

I kept meaning to tell you,
I wouldn't be without her.

It's been tough...

But...

.. I love her.

I love her so much.

I love her more and more every day.

I couldn't imagine life
without her, not now.

I just wish you were... here to...

I wish you were here.

I've got to go.

I know.

LAUGHTER

Sorry, excuse me.

Hello.

Er, Celia... says that you want
to upgrade our flights and, well,

that's very generous
of you and, well,

we'd like to say thank
you and take you up on it.

Really?!

And you're right. We should
have lunch when we get back.

We should try and...
find a way forward.

I'm...

I'm really pleased.

~ Right.
~ Right!

What have you offered
to pay for this time?

I were wondering, when you get your
results, before you go off to Leeds,

perhaps... we should get married.

You think Gary'll fork out for us?

No!

Well done.

Anything for you, Mrs Buttershaw.

~ You can't put a price on
avoiding deep vein thrombosis.
~ No.

SHE CHUCKLES