Original subtitles

Where's Vito?

- Vito! - On stage!

- Huh? - He's on the stage!

Now, I know a lot of you are wondering about tomorrow night's show.

Just who are these youngsters from Liverpool who call themselves the Beatles?

Just what can we expect? Well, let me put it in perspective for you.

You know, a few years ago we had a young vocalist on our stage

by the name of Elvis Presley.

He ‒ A few of you may remember, he caused quite a sensational reaction

among the youngsters in our studio audience.

Well, tomorrow night, right here on our stage, we're going to have Elvis Presley times four.

Are you kidding? I don't get paid enough ‒

Oh, all right. Simmer down.

Simmer down. Simmer down.

I know. A few weeks ago, I went to England, and I saw these four youngsters perform.

Both Sylvia and I agreed that what they do to an audience is truly remarkable.

So I want you to be prepared

for excessive screaming,

hysteria, hyperventilation, fainting,

fits, seizures, spasmodic convulsions,

even attempted suicides.

All perfectly normal.

It merely means that these youngsters are enjoying themselves.

Now, I want you to remember that tomorrow night we're going out live,

coast to coast, to 90 million viewers in the United States and Canada.

So remember,

nothing must interfere with our really big show.

♪ Oh, yeah, I'll tell you something ♪

♪ I think you'll understand ♪

♪ When I say that something ♪

♪ I wanna hold your hand ♪

♪ I wanna hold your hand ♪

♪ I wanna hold your hand ♪

♪ Oh, please, say to me ♪

♪ And let me be your man ♪

♪ And please, say to me ♪

♪ You'll let me hold your hand ♪

♪ Now let me hold your hand ♪

♪ I wanna hold your hand ♪

♪ And when I touch you ♪

♪ I feel happy inside ♪

♪ It's such a feeling ♪

♪ That my love, I can't hide ♪

♪ I can't hide, I can't hide ♪

♪ Yeah, you got that something ♪

♪ I think you'll understand ♪

♪ When I say that something ♪

♪ I wanna hold your hand ♪

♪ I wanna hold your hand ♪

♪ And when I touch you I feel happy inside ♪

♪ It's such a feeling that my love ♪

♪ I can't hide ♪

♪ I can't hide, I can't hide ♪

♪ Yeah, you got that something ♪

♪ I think you'll understand ♪

♪ When I feel that something ♪

♪ I wanna hold your hand ♪

♪ I wanna hold your hand ♪

Rosie, I don't know why you're dragging me in here.

- I can't be spending money on Beatle records. - Hey, listen. Stereo.

- Rosie, are you listening to me? - Come on, Pam.

Rosie!

All right, baby.

- This is Murray the "K" with the #1 song... - Rosie, wait a minute.

- ... on the morning show in radio... - Excuse me.

Rosie, did you hear what I said?

I've gotta start saving my money for more important things.

I mean, for God sakes, tomorrow night I'm getting ‒ you know.

All right, I'll buy it for you as an elopement present.

Shh!

Do you want to tell the whole world?

Anyway, if you're gonna get me something,

get me something practical that I can use, like Tupperware.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God, it's Paul! Oh, I'm gonna die!

- Oh, my God, it's Paul! - Rosie!

It's Paul! Oh, I'm gonna die right here!

He ‒ He's so cute, so sexy.

He's cardboard.

♪ I know you never even try, girl ♪

Yeah. Well, yeah, I know I did.

Yeah.

The Beatles are fakes!

It's all a plot, a plot to make you waste your money!

- Don't fall for it! - Herb, lemme ‒

- Lemme call you back later. I ‒ - It's a gimmick!

You don't really wanna buy these albums. You only think that you do.

Punch her out!

Rosie, you're not buying another one.

- It's not for me, it's for Pam. - Oh, I don't want it.

...give away two tickets to The Ed Sullivan Show.

Did you hear me, baby?

If you can answer this question ‒

- What's Ringo Starr's real name? - Rosie, are you listening to me?

- Oh! - Did you hear what I said?

♪ Please, please me, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Like I please you ♪

Janis, what are you doing?

You are picketing in my store. You are driving my customers away.

- Why? - All I see around this store is Beatle albums.

What about Bob Dylan? Joan Baez? How come they don't get equal floor space?

The Beatles sell. "Jane" Baez doesn't sell.

I deserve a little more respect from my own daughter.

You are embarrassing me.

I'm embarrassing you? I feel like I'm talking to a walking publicity stunt!

Hey, Janis!

Janis! Have you seen Rosie?

- Hey, just a reminder... - Rosie!

Rosie, it's your 12th busy signal. You're not gonna get through. Rosie!

Excuse me.

Rosie, I got something to tell ya.

But I want you to promise me that you're not gonna scream

and you're not gonna yell and you're not gonna faint.

- Oh, my God, Grace, what? - You promise?

I figured out a way to get into the Beatles' hotel.

Damn, Rosie. Control yourself.

There's still a hitch. We gotta raise $23.

Twenty-three dollars?

See, we have to hire a limo, a limousine.

It's the only thing that can pull up to the front of the Beatles' hotel

without get stopped by cops.

- How much money you got? - Uh...

- I got three dollars' worth of dimes. - That's not enough, Rosie. Damn!

But it's enough to hire a cab. We could drive up in a cab!

No, I already found out the cops are checking the cabs.

See, we need a limo, and we need it tonight. I mean, I got a deadline to meet.

Tonight? We can't go tonight.

Aren't you guys forgetting about something?

Aren't you forgetting about this?

Oh, yeah, that.

This is my last night as a single woman. We were gonna do something special.

We were supposed to spend the night at Rosie's,

and it was going to be like my shower or something.

Oh, hey, Pam,

what could be better than for all of us to drive up to the Beatles' hotel together

and see the Beatles in person?

Yeah! Right, Pam. How much money ya got?

I'm about to be a married woman. I can't go chasing after the Beatles.

And it's not fair to Eddie.

Pam, I want you to know something.

You don't seem to understand how important this is to me.

I mean ‒ I mean, I have got to get through to the Beatles.

My entire career depends on it.

If I could get exclusive pictures of the Beatles ‒

I mean, they'd run my story on the front page of the Suburban.

I mean, I might be able to sell it to Life magazine or something.

Can you imagine that?

Jesus Christ. I'm gonna suffocate in here.

Hey, Janis.

Hey, Janis. You got any money?

- What do you want money for? - Don't worry. It's for a good cause.

Grace, there's Larry Dubois!

- So what? - So, don't you know who Larry Dubois is?

Yes, I do. He's the boy that threw up in biology.

His father's got lots of limousines. He's an undertaker.

Hi, Larry. I didn't know you played a musical instrument.

- Yeah. - Oh, you're so musical.

This is ridiculous. He'll never do it.

Um, Larry, are you busy tonight?

I don't know.

He'll do it.

I just ran over a casket.

- What was it doing out with the garbage? - Is that where it was?

- Uh-huh. - Oh, whew. Well, it's okay.

It's one of those discontinued models my father's throwin' out.

You know, nobody was in it, so the garbage man will come and pick it up.

Goodness, Larry, didn't you even take drivers ed, for goodness sakes?

I told you I didn't have a driver's license. All's I got is a permit.

Look, Grace, we just better turn around right now.

It's against the law to drive with a permit unless there is a licensed driver in the car.

- I've got a license, Pamela. - You do?

- But, Grace, I thought your birthday wasn't ‒ - I don't have any insurance either.

Relax, Larry.

Look, I have absolute confidence in your ability to handle machinery.

Any kind of machinery.

I mean, I've seen you threading up those projectors in the AV room.

- You're just the best. - Thanks.

- Yeah, I'm pretty good on those Bell & Howells. - Yeah.

Rosie, are we gonna have to listen to the Beatles all the way to the city?

You know, I swear, Janis, every time something popular comes along

you automatically think they can't be any good.

I don't know why we let her come in the first place.

She's helping to pay for the gas, Rosie.

Besides, someone's gotta be there to speak the truth.

Say, Rosie, what do you think of my new sign?

I think it's disgusting. Who do you think's gonna look at that anyways?

The press, Rosie, the press.

Hey, Larry, you like the Beatles, don't you?

- Yeah, they're all right. They got a good beat. - Aw, they're the greatest.

- I mean, "gearest." Here, have a jelly baby. - Yeah, what?

A jelly baby. You know, jelly beans. They call them jelly babies in England.

It's the Beatles' favorite food.

You know what their favorite drink is? Coke. With a little bit of Scotch.

Yeah.

What am I doing here? Eddie is gonna kill me. He's gonna kill me.

Eddie hates the Beatles. He's gonna think I'm immature. I just know it.

Do we have to hear about Eddie all the way into the city?

Pam, can I see your ring? Please, just for a minute.

Well, all right, but be careful with it.

What do you keep it in your boobs for? You're gonna lose it that way.

You want my mother to see it?

- Pam, you're so lucky. - Yeah, I guess.

No, I mean it. I'll probably never get one of these.

Oh, don't be silly, Rosie. It's no big deal.

Yeah. Well, there's really only one guy I wanna marry anyways.

- Paul. - Paul? Paul who?

Never mind. You don't know him.

- Larry, I think we're being followed. - Oh, God, not the cops. Not the cops!

It's Tony Smerko!

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪

♪ I wanna hold your glands ♪

Hey, Janis, how do you like my hairdo?

Oh, it's really fab! It makes you look like Paul!

Oh, you like it? You got it!

- Hey, where you guys goin'? - Oh, we're gonna go see the Beatles!

Beatles? Ah, the Beatles are a bunch of crap. Hey, Janis, why don't you come with us?

We got a whole case of Miller's High Life beer, the champagne of bottled beers.

What do ya say, gorgeous?

Here, open this one.

Ohh!

Come on! Janis!

- Hey, hey, pull up! A little closer. - Hey, Tony, they ain't worth it!

Pull in closer. Pull in closer!

Hey, Dubois, how ya doin'?

Pull in closer!

- Pull in closer here! - Are you crazy?

You don't mind if I come along with you, now do you?

I don't know, Tony. I haven't got no insurance or nothin'.

Ah, that's okay. Neither do I!

♪ I been told when a boy kiss a girl ♪

How ya doin'?

♪ Take a trip around the world ♪

- ♪ Hey, hey ♪ - ♪ Bop-shoo-wop, m'bop-bop-shoo-wop ♪

- ♪ Hey, hey ♪ - ♪ Bop-shoo-wop ♪

- ♪ M'bop-bop-shoo-wop ♪ - ♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Yeah, she say ya do ♪

♪ My girl says when I kiss her lips ♪

Damn it, Smerko, what are you tryin' to do? Kill us?

Hey, lighten up!

No harm done here. Everybody's in one piece.

- Mmm. - So help me, I hate that jerk.

Oh, ooh! Want a swig of this stuff?

Say, what is that? Wait, let me see this.

What ya got? "Beatles..."

What does this say?

- "Beatles undermine artistic ‒" - Integrity.

Well, I never would've figured on you for a Beatles fan.

- I loathe the Beatles. - Not me. I hate 'em.

Ugh, I can't stand them Beatles.

- Hey, Dubois, get up. - What?

I think you're sittin' on my comb.

You got it, Tony?

Yeah, thanks. Easy.

Ooh-hoo-hoo!

Say, you got some collection here.

Ann-Margret. We got Patty Duke. Tuesday Weld.

Jackie ‒ Jackie Kennedy! Jesus, Dubois. You got the hots for Jackie Kennedy?

- Hey, where'd you get my wallet, Tony? - Fastest hands in the West.

Yeah, well, you give it back.

Look! Now look! No more screwing around here, Smerko.

We have serious business to take care of in New York.

- Hey, well, I'm a serious guy. - Right.

- You just keep your hands off of Dubois. - Hey, me and Dubois are old pals.

- Ain't we, Dubois? - Yeah.

Hey, Dubois, about what happened in the cafeteria Friday ‒

Look, I guess I must've slipped or something.

Did you get all the applesauce out of your hair okay?

- No problem, Tony. - Hey, I'm sick of those limey fairies.

Do you mind, Smerko!

Hey, switch that back!

That was Peter, Paul and Mary.

You and your stupid protest music. That's just boring.

Did you ever listen to the words? You ought to try listening to the words sometime.

Did you ever listen to the words to "Louie Louie"?

- Oh, Smerko, leave me alone! - Who's still up at this hour?

I'm gonna find out by givin' away two Sullivan Show tickets

to the first caller who can tell me which Beatle is left-handed.

- All right! - Oh, my God! I know it! It's Paul!

It's Paul! I know it!

There's a phone booth! Stop the car! Stop the car!

Oh, please, stop the car! Stop the car!

You either stop the car, or I'll jump out!

Keep driving, Larry!

Jesus Christ, Dubois!

What the hell are you trying to do, Rosie, kill yourself?

No, but I know the answer! It's Paul! I know this!

Jesus Christ!

I don't care! It would've been worth killing myself if I could've won!

- God, I ‒ - Listen to me!

This is my only chance to get exclusive pictures of the Beatles.

And I don't want anybody screwing it up, so everybody please cool it.

- ♪ I'm talkin' about boys ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah, boys ♪

- ♪ Don't you know I mean boys ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah, boys ♪

♪ Well, I'm talkin' Talkin' about boys now ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, boys ♪

Wake up, New York. It's Murray the "K" on 42 cups of coffee,

on 1010 WINS all night and all day,

'cause we're not gonna let you miss a single second of this fabulous Beatles weekend!

And we're goin' all the way, because we're mobile today, baby,

from in front of the Beatles' hotel.

And girls, I got a special personal message for you from John Lennon.

- John asked me to tell you to ‒ - ♪ Well, shake it up baby, now ♪

- ♪ Shake it up, baby ♪ - ♪ Twist and shout ♪

♪ Twist and shout ♪

♪ Come on, come on, come on Come on, baby, now ♪

♪ Come on, baby ♪

- ♪ Come on and work it on out ♪ - Dubois, wake up!

What are you doin'? Falling asleep on me here?

♪ Yeah, work it on out ♪

♪ Work it on out ♪

- ♪ You know you look so good ♪ - ♪ Look so good ♪

Hey, everybody, wake up.

Wake up, everybody! Hey!

I think Dubois here deserves a big round of applause.

As you can see, he got us to New York safe and sound.

And in record time too.

Well, only took him, uh, seven hours.

Usually takes me only 20 minutes,

but then I generally don't go by way of Philadelphia.

I thought the sign said north.

Hey, just keep your eyes on the road. The hotel's right around the corner.

- Where? Where? Where is it? - Over there.

- ♪ Shake it up, baby, now ♪ - ♪ Shake it up, baby ♪

♪ Twist and shout ♪

♪ Twist and shout ♪

♪ Come on, come on, come on Come on, baby, now ♪

♪ Come on, baby ♪

- ♪ Come on and work it on out ♪ - ♪ Work it on out, ooh ♪

- ♪ You know you twist it, little girl ♪ - ♪ Twist it, little girl ♪

♪ You know you twist so fine ♪

♪ Twist so fine ♪

♪ Come on and twist a little closer now ♪ ♪ Twist a little closer ♪

- ♪ And let me know that you're mine ♪ - ♪ Let me know you're mine, ooh ♪

♪ Well, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby, now ♪

♪ Shake it up, baby ♪

♪ Well, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby, now ♪

♪ Shake it up, baby ♪

♪ Well, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby, now ♪

Keep driving, Larry, around the corner and pull up to the front of the hotel

like you know what you're doing, okay?

Here, put this on.

Pam, you comin' with us?

Yeah, I just hope Eddie doesn't find out about this.

Right. Okay, so Rosie and Pam with me.

The rest of you guys, we'll meet you later in front of the hotel, okay?

Everybody duck down. I don't want this car to look like a school bus.

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

I said move back. Move back!

Go on and get your cheers! Go ahead! See all you want to!

Get back! You can't go any further than this!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

- We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! - What's this?

Get that car. Check that car.

- He's all right. - Okay, let him through.

Yeah, pass him on. Remove that transom.

- We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! - Come on, move it, move it.

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

This isn't gonna work, Grace. This isn't gonna work.

Shh. Just tell me when we get to the front door.

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

Okay.

Come on.

Come on.

Why aren't we there yet?

Yeah, Larry, why aren't we there yet?

There's a bunch of old people in a cab up there.

Well, so what? Why don't you just beep your horn?

You crazy?

There's about a thousand girls to ride through.

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

Back these guys up! Back these guys up!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

Come on.

Come on!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

- Come on. - We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

- We're moving. - We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪

♪ I wanna hold your glands ♪

It's ‒

The crowd's going nuts. Let's get out of here!

Larry, drive. Get this thing out of here. We're gonna get killed.

Oh, my God, Larry, go!

You know, you almost got us killed?

- Hey, Dubois! Leave the heater on! - It's not funny!

- Well, I guess we gotta make our own heat. - Jesus!

Hey, wait a minute! Where ya going?

I came here for a purpose, Smerko!

- Hey, where ya going, Tony? - I came here for a purpose, Dubois!

Come on. Let's go.

Oh, my God, Grace, my purse. I left it in the car.

Forget your purse, Pam. You wanna get caught?

- Hey, you kids! Hold it right there! - Come on! Come on!

- Hey, stop there! - Come on! Come on!

- Where youse goin'? - Over here!

- Oh, God! - Stop!

Hey!

- Rosie! - Pam!

- Come on! Come on! - Hey!

Hey, you kids ‒ Stop!

Hey! Stop!

Arah-bey!

Arah-bey!

Ooma-zama-zama!

Murray the "K" Swinging Soiree!

Let's get it on.

All right, listen. I ‒ I'm out here only to let you know about one thing.

We don't want you to move. We want you to stay here.

We like the vibe that you're giving off.

- But you've been yelling ‒ - Look!

And you broke a couple of windows.

Oh, he's coming!

In here!

- Now the elevator's here. - The elevator's here.

The ‒

- He's gone. - He's gone. Let's go.

- Come on! - My ring! I lost my ring!

- Come on! - I can't hold the door!

Well, then go without me. I've gotta find it.

I've got it. Oh.

Why'd you push 11 for?

They're on 12. Room 1232.

I know they're in 1232, but we've gotta go up to 11 and walk up the stairs.

That's dumb. If they're on 12, we should get off on 12.

Don't be stupid, Rosie. There's gonna be guards up there on 12.

And they're gonna be watching the elevators.

But this is a service elevator.

Besides, how do you know there are not gonna be guards on 11?

If I'm gonna get caught, I'm gonna get as close to the Beatles as I can.

If you wanna go to 12, go to 12, Rosie. I'm not gonna argue with you.

- You're never gonna make it. - We'll see.

Hey, you, come on. Let's go.

- Come on! - Wait, let me go!

You gotta listen to me. I can explain!

Come on, just listen to me!

Hey, Sarge, I just found another lost lady.

Okay, Lou, take her down the other elevator.

Oh. Oh, wait. I can explain. Really, I can ‒

Don't tell me. Let me guess.

Your grandmother from Alaska is staying in the hotel, and you got lost trying to find her.

- Come on. - Paul! Help me!

If Paul finds out about this, you're gonna be in a lot of trouble!

- Come in, Harry. - I read you, Sarge.

- What's the situation down there? - All quiet here.

Okay, we'll be coming down in a few minutes. I'll check with you later.

Right. Over.

Hey, Irving, check that, uh, exit door, will ya?

We got another one, Stanley.

Take her down to the lobby and turn her over to Sergeant Bailey.

Okay, Lou.

Never in my life have I seen such a disgusting display of vulgarity

as I've witnessed in this hotel.

Young girls screaming and running about... helter-skelter.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

And as for this hotel, I was not aware its clientele included such riffraff.

We apologize for the inconvenience ma'am.

You can rest assured that in the future I shall take my business elsewhere.

Your floor, madam.

You dropped something, ma'am.

Okay, pull right up here.

Right ‒ Hold it! Hold it right there. That's good.

- Would you catch the door? - Yeah, sure.

That's terrific.

Okay, Sarge, you can bring 'em out.

- It's not when you're snoring. - So, Sullivan, that's an Irish name.

We got a complaint from the hotel manager about it.

- As bad as the rest of them. - Who orders all this rubbish?

Nothing better than a scenic back alley, I always say.

Get in the car or I'll cripple you.

- Quit shoving me then. - Hey! You stepped on my hand.

Hey!

Don't you know breaking and entering is a very serious offense?

You're making a mistake. This is my room. I just lost my key.

Oh, 1232. I'm-I'm on the wrong floor.

I'm looking for 1332. My mistake, Officer.

What do you take me for? Some kind of an asshole?

And little lady, you have come all the way from?

- Buffalo. - Buffalo.

I stole the money from my mother so I could come here because I love John.

Actually, I love all the Beatles, but I especially love John.

Someday I'm gonna marry John.

Isn't John already married?

Yeah, but he can get a divorce, or his wife could get in a plane crash.

Or she could drown, or anything could happen, because John has to marry me.

He has to, or else I'll kill myself!

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Beatlemania.

This is Sam David reporting from WGSL in front of the ‒

- Exterminate the Beatles. - Get out of here. Harry, cut it.

Why did you shut off that camera? Turn it back on!

- Haven't you ever heard of unbiased reporting? - Yes, unbiased report!

- There's two sides to every story. - Two sides. Sam, you know that.

- Whatever happened to objective reporting? - Whatever happened to that? You tell me.

What are you beefing about now?

It doesn't matter. This is only a local news station.

I know what I have to do now. I gotta find the national news reporters.

Then the whole country can hear what I have to say.

Talk, talk, talk. That's all you want to do is talk.

"I want the whole country to hear what I have to say."

Shit! When did beating your gums ever mean anything? You gotta do something.

Well, I don't see you doing anything except for following me around.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah!

Oh, you wanna see me do something? Uh-huh? What ‒

All right, I'll do something!

♪ In misery ♪

- ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ - ♪ In misery ♪

Look, I'll find my own way out, okay?

Make me happy.

Hey! Hey, you! You're not supposed to be here.

This is a restricted area. You don't belong here.

Don't you know this entire section of the hotel's completely sealed off?

- Paul. - You can't get in there.

- Paul! - I already tried.

Those guys already left.

- When? - About five minutes ago.

Oh!

Well, actually, it was closer to four minutes ago.

Crazy broad.

What? What?

That means they walked on this rug.

Don't jump to conclusions! I'm a collector! Please, don't get a stain on it!

- Oh, Paul! Paul! - In the name of human decency!

- This is valuable merchandise! - Hey!

- Oh! - What are you doin' to the rug?

Come on, run! Run!

Gangway, copper!

Put me down. I got friends on the force!

Put me down!

Take that, you bully!

- Come on! - Where are you taking me?

I know where I'm going. Just come on!

- Where are we going? - Come on!

- Ooh! Take me with you! - Come on!

I can't go in there. This elevator isn't lined up properly.

Ooh! Aah!

- Take me to the 7th floor. I got a room there. - Right!

- Come on. Let's go. - Can't you get these floors lined up?

Come on!

This way.

- ♪ There was music ♪ - This is my headquarters.

♪ And wonderful roses ♪

♪ They tell me ♪

♪ In sweet, fragrant meadows ♪

♪ Of dawn and dew ♪

Hey, hey, don't touch anything.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ But I never heard them singing ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ No, I never heard them at all ♪

Hey, Larry, where have you been? I've been looking all over for ya.

We've gotta get over to CBS right away.

I just found out the Beatles are rehearsing over there.

Yeah, well, I got news for ya. After this I'm gonna be takin' my car straight home.

Sure, Larry, anything you say.

I mean it, Grace. This time I'm putting my foot down.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! What's happening?

Hey, they stink. They got no talent at all. They look like a bunch of girls.

Yeah, man, we hate the Beatles, man. They're foreigners from another country.

And they're here to take our women away from us.

- Man, send them back! Send them back! - Yeah!

Yeah, the Beatles are a bunch of wimps.

And everybody who listens to their music are wimps too.

And what're they trying to prove with this long hair?

And I don't know what these chicks see in it either!

- It's just a gimmick! - Yeah!

- And another thing, Murray. - Yeah?

WINS used to be the best radio station in town

until you started playing all this Beatles junk.

Now that's all I ever hear.

Whatever happened to the Four Seasons? Elvis?

I ain't ever gonna listen to 1010 WINS again, ever.

Never gonna. Never ever.

- You know something? - What?

You're a deranged person.

But... keep your chin up.

Yeah, Harry, my eyes were bothering me a little, with the reading I'm doing around here.

So I went and I picked up this lamp. It's a real great lamp.

I mean, it's got, like, three switches on it to make it bright.

Great for reading.

Yeah, that's right, Harry. Yeah, did they change ‒

What the hell's the matter with you?

Why don't you watch where you push that thing?

Harry. Hello, Harry?

Stupid kid.

He broke my lamp.

Oh, my God.

Oh!

Oh. Oh, God.

Oh... God.

I don't believe this.

Oh, my God.

Oh. Oh!

Oh.

♪ Love, love me do ♪

♪ You know I love you ♪

♪ I'll always be true ♪

♪ So ple-ee-ee-ease ♪

♪ Love me do ♪

♪ Whoa-oh, love me do ♪

♪ Love, love me do ♪

♪ You know I love you ♪

♪ I'll always be true ♪

♪ So ple-ee-ee-ease ♪

♪ Love me do ♪

♪ Whoa-oh, love me do ♪

♪ Someone to love ♪

♪ Somebody new ♪

♪ Someone to love ♪

♪ Someone like you ♪

Hey, lookee what I found.

- A midget Beatle. - Hey!

- Hey, what is it? A boy or a girl? - Hey!

I think it's a girl!

It's doctor's orders.

- I'm very susceptible to head colds! - Anybody got a razor blade?

I wanna give Goldilocks here the Yul Brynner look, huh?

Ow!

Ooh! All right!

- Hey! Wait a minute! I'll make you a deal! - What?

I got tickets to The Ed Sullivan Show, and you can have 'em if you let me go.

Tickets? What the hell do I want tickets ‒ I don't want any tickets.

Hey, wait a minute! You can scalp 'em for a lot of money!

- Well, I'm gonna scalp you for free. - Ow!

All right, Tony, you've had your fun. Now let him go!

Hey, remember, I said you gotta do something. So I'm doin' something.

I ain't just shootin' off at the mouth.

You're completely ignoring the real issue.

You're merely attacking a symptom instead of going to the real root of the problem.

I'm gonna get to the roots, all right. With these!

Hey, Smerko, here comes a cop.

I should've known this all along. You ain't nothin' but a Beatles lover.

Here. You take him.

Here's some great snapshots I got when the Beatles arrived at Kennedy Airport.

Oh. Did you get any pictures of the Beatles?

Yeah, well, I didn't exactly see the Beatles, but I got some great shots of their suitcases.

Wow.

You know, you're the first boy I ever met that I could really talk to.

I mean, really talk to.

Yeah, well, if you think these are fab, I'll show you something that's really gear!

♪ I'm in love with you ♪

Hey, don't they ever make the beds in here?

Nah. The hotel doesn't know I'm in here.

Then how'd you get this key?

I found it. Someone left it in a door, and I found it.

Then I took over the room.

The hotel doesn't know I'm here. If they knew I was here, they'd throw me out.

Now here. Look at this, look at this, look at this, look at this, look at this, look at this!

Let me open this. This is my masterpiece.

Know what this is? This is actually a clump of grass that Paul stepped on.

I'm not exactly sure which blades he stepped on, but it's all in there.

- That's why I got such a big clump. - Oh, wow. Can I have some of this?

- What are you, crazy? - Just a little bit. I'll buy it off of ya.

No, I'm sorry, but it's not for sale.

Say, kid, do you really have tickets to The Ed Sullivan Show?

Yeah. I sorta lucked into 'em. My uncle's got connections.

Would you sell one to me?

Oh, no, I couldn't do that.

I mean, heck, you just helped me out of a real jam.

I'll give you one for free. It's the least I can do.

- Thanks a lot. - Oh, here.

That's funny. I thought I had 'em right there.

I don't even have 'em!

Peter! Hey, Peter! I got your tickets to The Ed Sullivan Show!

- My tickets! How'd you get them? - Never mind how I got 'em, but I got 'em!

If you wanna get 'em back, you're gonna have to get your goddamn hair cut!

I found a barbershop that's open, so let's go!

You can't do that. It's extortion!

I can do any goddamn thing I want to! I'm your father!

And no kid of mine is gonna run around looking like a goddamn girl!

Wait a minute, will ya!

- Well, I'm not gonna cut my hair! - And I'm not gonna argue with you!

If you want these tickets back, you're gonna get your hair cut!

- Now, you think about it! - I don't have to think about it!

For all I care, you can take those tickets and shove 'em!

What's your name anyway?

- Ringo. Ringo Klaus. - What?

Well, actually, it's Richard. Richard Klaus.

This is my official Beatles talcum powder.

Anyway, like Ringo Starr, you know,

he changed his name from Ringo ‒ from Richard to Ringo?

Well, that's what I did. My real name's Richard, and I changed it over to Ringo. See?

You know how the real Ringo has lots of rings? Well, I got my own ring too, see? Just like Ringo.

Good. I know all that stuff.

Listen, I know everything there is to know about the Beatles!

There's nothing I don't know about the Beatles!

I'm the greatest Beatles genius in the history of the universe. Ask me anything about the Beatles.

Ask me how tall John is. And the answer come back ‒ 5'11".

Ask me when George's birthday is. And the answer come back ‒ February 23, 1943.

There's nothing I don't know about the Beatles. Ask me anything there is to know about the Beatles!

Who is the youngest Beatle?

- Oh! - I know the answer! Give me the phone!

- Get away! I know it too! - It's my room, and it's my phone!

- Hand it over! - Get away! Let me!

It's ringing!

- All right, who's the youngest Beatle? - Ringo!

- George! - Aww!

It's Ringo! Ringo, you crackpot!

You ‒ You stupid idiot! It's George!

Ringo's the oldest! Ringo's 23, George is 20!

Well, it's a trick question.

George is the youngest in age, but Ringo was the last to join the Beatles,

therefore he's the youngest Beatle.

The question was, "Who is the youngest Beatle?" And that means it's Ringo. See?

You're an idiot. You're a fink.

You lousy rat fink! I could've won those tickets!

Waaah! Aah! Aah!

Ah, now I got you, you little shitheads!

Who you calling little?

Oh, my God! He's a maniac!

Waah! Take that, copper!

Oh, shit!

- Stay back! - Watch it! He's got a lamp!

- No! - And it's lit!

- Hyah! - Give up, kid! You're surrounded!

I'll jump! I swear I'll jump!

- Put me down! - Stop it! Knock it off!

- Put me down! Are you crazy? - Quit that kickin', will ya!

Put me down, you maniac!

- Stop! - Come on!

Hey! What the hell do you think you're doin'?

There ain't no cameras allowed in here.

I'm just taking a couple pictures. I'm with the press.

Yeah? And I'm Captain Kangaroo. Come on, get the hell outta here.

Please, sir, I just gotta get some pictures of the Beatles.

- I'd do anything to get in here. Anything. - Yeah? What's it worth to ya?

- Ten bucks? - Ten bucks? What, are you shittin' me?

I tell you what. Fifty bucks, and you got a deal.

Fifty bucks? Look, I just don't have that kind of money.

Hey, you wanna get in and see 'em? Fifty bucks.

- You don't like it, get the hell outta here. - All right, all right, I'll find the 50.

Then what do I do?

All right, listen now. Here's what's happening.

The Beatles are the last act. Right?

All right, you wait till the show starts, you come to this door and knock like this.

I open the door, you give me the 50, you're in.

Right now, get the hell outta here. I gotta eat.

Fifty bucks?

Where am I gonna get 50 bucks?

Mmm.

Mmm!

Mmm.

- I'm saving my fries for George. - He doesn't like them.

He does like fries. I read he likes fries.

Is this seat taken?

Say, how's the food around here? You guys eat here often?

Oh. Well, then I take it that you're not from around here, huh?

- Brooklyn. - No kiddin'.

Me, I'm from Jersey.

Hey, hey! Way to go! Nice play, Shakespeare!

Say, you girls ever been on top of the Empire State Building?

Well, I was thinking about going up there later on this afternoon.

And, uh, maybe you'd like to join me?

Hey, what's the gag?

She thinks you look like Paul.

Oh, yeah. Lots of people tell me I look like Newman.

Not Paul Newman.

Paul McCartney!

Paul McCart ‒ Never heard of him.

He's one of the Beatles!

Oh!

What's with you?

You got something against the Beatles?

Who, me?

Besides the fact that their music stinks, that I hate their guts,

and they're nothin' but a bunch of candy-ass pansies?

No.

Listen, greaseball, nobody asked you to sit here, so beat it.

Now, wait a minute. Everything was going fine here.

We were having a nice, leisurely lunch and over a little chat,

and then you had to go and mention the Beatles and make me choke on my goddamn food!

Let's get out of here.

Hey, wait a minute! What about the Empire State Building?

Why don't you jump off it?

Hey, you know what I do to Beatles? I stomp on 'em!

- Oh! - Oh!

Smooth move, Ex-Lax!

Oh!

Oh, wow.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

♪ Surfin' ♪

♪ Surfin' USA ♪

On the downbeat.

♪ Everybody's gone surfin' ♪

♪ Surfin' USA with Murray the "K" ♪

Hey, baby!

And his Swingin' Soiree!

Hey, who's this Johnny Carson that Ed wants us to dedicate our songs to anyway?

Probably a baseball player.

That must be the mayor.

They've got ice cubes in their pockets!

I'm really disappointed about that rehearsal. I'm mean, I think we sound crappy.

Oh, come off it. All you gotta do is smile. Twinkle in the eye, you'll have 'em all screamin'.

Hey! Hey, what do you know? It's still playin'. Murray's still talkin'.

Hey, looks like somebody's been messing with me bass.

Yuck. There's sticky stuff all over it.

What'd you do that for?

Why'd you put that picture of yourself in me closet?

I thought it might brighten up the place.

- Oh, that's it, then. - Well ‒

...right here on 1010 WINS, right after The Ed Sullivan Show.

Can somebody call the porter up here? I need me trousers cleaned.

Take 'em off then. We can't clean 'em with you standin' in 'em.

Good idea.

My stockings! My official Beatles nylon stockings are missing.

Those jerks from the hotel stole my stuff. And you know why?

They know even half my stuff's worth $500.

I'll sue 'em. That's what I'll do. I'll sue 'em.

I just think we're lucky they didn't throw us in jail.

They can't throw us in jail.

We're both under 18 years old, therefore we're both minors, therefore they can't throw us in jail.

And that's the law. And if there's one thing I know, it's the law.

Anyway, I gotta get back in the hotel and get my stuff back.

- Hey, Rosie! - I know! I'll steal an elevator!

I'll hijack one like you did.

Rosie! Come here! I gotta tell you somethin'!

Grace, Grace, where have you been? Did you get pictures of the Beatles?

- Grace, you know it's illegal to park here. - We're not parking, Larry, we're just stopping.

- Where have you been? Did you get the pictures? - Not yet. I need to borrow some money. Okay?

- Grace, I don't have that much left. - What did you spend it on?

- On these. - Well, what are these?

- Beatles bedsheets. - Beatles bedsheets?

Those are the actual bedsheets the Beatles slept on Friday night.

Only two bucks per square inch.

You paid two bucks for this little piece of nothing?

- They're worth at least five! - What time do you think we'll be going home?

Oh, yeah? How do you know these are the real Beatles' bedsheets?

'Cause the guy that sold 'em to me said they were authentic.

And you can't lie about a thing like that. That would be against the law.

We should be getting home. I don't wanna miss The Ed Sullivan Show.

Hey, tell me somethin'. Were there a lot of kids buying these things?

Oh, heck yeah. You want me to show you where the guy is that sold 'em to me?

Here, take these. Come on, let's get out of here.

Wait. I'm the only one who knows where the guy is that sold me this stuff. You gotta take me with ya!

What is wrong with you? Who is this guy? Where'd he come from, Mars?

Oh, this is Richard Klaus. He's my boyfriend.

- Your boyfriend? - Oh, here.

Grace, wait a minute! What about The Ed Sullivan Show?

Well, you'd better find a TV set around here because I still have to get my pictures.

Your boyfriend? What's the idea of telling that broad I'm your boyfriend?

I'm not your boyfriend!

But I thought ‒ You and me, well, we seem to get along pretty well and all.

Yeah? I thought you were in love with Paul.

Well, I am!

But it's different with Paul.

I mean, Paul, he's a Beatle. It's just different.

Yeah, I get it. You're just like all the rest.

You're in love with a Beatle until somebody better comes along, huh?

Well, I got news for you. Where I come from they got a name for people like you.

You're a traitor, and I don't associate with traitors.

So you can just quit tagging along with me.

Am-scray, sister!

I am not a traitor!

I do love Paul! I'll always love Paul!

I'll never love anybody else, ever!

♪ I love you ♪

You know, you'd make things a lot easier if you'd just cut your hair.

Hey, wait a minute. I think I got it.

- Hey! - Let's get outta here!

Hey, you kids! Come back!

- Come on! This way! - Come back here!

- Come on! Let's get 'em! - Oh, shit!

- Ow! - You all right?

- To keep security... - This way!

...at times the Beatles had to dress themselves up as the fuzz

- in order to go from place to place. - Excuse me.

- No cuts in line! - Get outta here! You don't belong here!

- Which way did they go? - Down here.

All right, baby, we've got another one that you haven't heard yet

from that great British import album.

You're hearing it first with the "K" in what you call the Swingin' Soiree.

In fact, I think I'm gonna mail it out to you.

- Gotcha! - Aaah!

- ♪ Wait a minute, Mr. Postman ♪ - Hey, Reese, I got the one with the hair.

- Let him go! He wasn't doing anything! - Grab her too.

You're just picking on him because he's got long hair!

Ah, shut up.

- Hey, let that kid go. - Yeah, let him go!

- Just because he's got long hair ‒ - He didn't do anything!

Let go of him!

- Hey, what's goin' ‒ - Come on! Get back!

Get back! Get back!

Get back in line! Get back!

Get back! Get back! I'm warning you! Now get back!

Go on!

Let's go, all of ya!

Get that crowd back! Go on back in there!

All right, get back!

Reese! Foley! Let 'em go!

But, Sarge, they were trying to break into the studio!

Goddamn it, I said let 'em go! I don't want a riot on my hands!

All right, go on, get outta here. Beat it.

Did you hear me? Get back!

Wow, did you see that? Do you realize what just happened here?

Yeah. We almost just got thrown in jail.

You were right all the time. The only way we're getting in there is to get my hair cut.

- You can't. - What?

You can't cut your hair. Not now. Not after all this.

I just don't get ya. Don't you wanna go in and see the show?

Look, all this time I've been wrong about the Beatles.

I'll figure out some other way to get those tickets back.

What? From my old man? No way.

The only way you're gonna get those tickets from him is to take 'em.

Genuine squares of Beatle bedsheets! Only one dollar!

Ladies, they're huggable. They're kissable.

Unwashed, girls. Unwashed Beatles bedsheets!

And they're only one dollar! Bigger and better Beatles bedsheets!

- Can I have a John? - A John. Here's your John. One dollar.

- Can I have a George? - Here's George. One dollar.

Are you sure these are real? It doesn't look like the ones they're selling over there.

That's 'cause they're newer. They just came off the Beatles' beds this very morning.

Look how wrinkled it is! Okay, anybody else?

I wanna buy 40 dollars' worth for my whole fan club!

- Ten of each Beatle. - Ten of each Beatle?

Well, look, I only have about 23, but I can get some more.

- I'll meet you back here in 10 minutes. - Okay!

Hey, you wanna buy some Beatle bedsheets? They slept on 'em.

For one dollar?

Hey, would you like to buy some Beatle bedsheets for one dollar?

For Chrissakes, Dubois, what the hell are you doin'?

I'm selling some Beatle bedsheets.

I can see that!

Geez, is this what it's come to?

You standing in the street with a handful of rags like a goddamn beggar?

Ain't you got no self-respect? Get rid of this shit!

Damn it, Dubois, how could you let yourself be pussy-whipped like this?

You know she's made a fool out of you. You know that, don't ya? A damn fool!

Yeah, I was just trying to get pictures for her, Tony.

- I mean, she needed ‒ - Yeah, yeah, I know it ain't your fault.

It's that limey scum.

It's like the whole goddamn world's flipped or something like that.

You know what happened to me today?

I tried to pick up seven different chicks. Seven.

And they all gave me shit. They gave me shit!

A week ago this couldn't have happened. I'm fed up. I've had it up to here with this crap.

Something's gotta be done. Something's gotta be done to stop it.

I don't know what, but it's gotta be done now before it spreads any further.

It's like a goddamn disease, for Chrissakes.

- Do you understand what I'm saying here? - Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I'm gonna get back to the car, Tony, so...

Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead.

I gotta think this shit out.

♪ We love you, Beatles ♪

♪ Oh, yes, we do ♪

♪ We don't love anyone ♪

♪ As much as you ♪

♪ When you're not near us ♪

♪ We're blue ♪

♪ Oh, Beatles, we love you ♪

♪ We love you, Beatles ♪

♪ Oh, yes, we do ♪

Well, if nobody wanted to buy 'em, then where's your sheets?

Well, I, um ‒ I don't know. I dropped 'em?

Goddamn, Larry!

Oh, come on. Here, help me rip this sheet up.

Only 17 more pieces, and I'm home free.

Okay.

♪ ...arms to hold you ♪

♪ And keep you by my side ♪

♪ I got lips that long to kiss you ♪

♪ And keep you satisfied ♪

- ♪ If there's anything that you want ♪ - Hi.

♪ If there's anything I can do ♪

- Grace. - Would you cut it out!

Grace.

♪ With love from me to you ♪

Hand it over, skag.

What?

Our money. These are fakes.

There must be some mistake.

Damn right. Look at this.

I know for a fact they don't use sheets from JCPenney's at that hotel.

I swear to you, I was told these sheets are genuine. They really are.

Give us our money back, or we'll beat your brains out.

Hey, hey, come on, girls.

Let's ‒ Let's be reasonable.

Listen, pencil neck. I'll kick your face in.

Grace, I think they mean it.

♪ If there's anything that you want ♪

♪ If there's anything I can do ♪

♪ Just call on me And I'll send it along ♪

- ♪ With love from me to you ♪ - Looks like you're out of business.

♪ To you ♪

♪ To you ♪

This is Murray the "K", and we're still TCB-in' ‒

takin' care of business as we cover this fabulous Beatle weekend.

And you probably don't hear as much going on as, uh, there was ‒ not as much shouting.

It's because 33 minutes ago

everybody that was here with this big crowd left

because the Beatles are going over to The Ed Sullivan Show

to, uh, do the first telecast in the United States.

And you wanna watch that. I'm gonna be there myself.

Mr. Joseph Cusamano,

please come to the hotel desk.

Mr. Joseph Cusamano.

Hey, Grace. Did you hear about the valentine's dance at school Friday night?

I know all about it, Larry.

- Why don't you just have a drink. Okay? - Uh, I-I'd better not.

I mean, you know what they say about drinking and driving.

- Frankie? Uh, yeah. - I-I was thinkin'.

I'm glad I finally got in touch with you.

I got a few hours to kill before I have to go out of town,

and, uh, I could use a little companionship.

You know what I mean?

- You see, it's hard to put into words. - Uh, yeah. Is Ginger available?

- I was thinking about all we've been through. - Well, how about that little redhead?

- What's her name? Judy, yeah. Is she ‒ - We've kinda gotten to know each other better.

No. Well, whatever you think, Frankie.

As long as she's on the young side. You know what I mean?

- Friday night, if you're not busy, I'm not busy. - A college coed?

And ‒ Well, you'll probably be busy,

- So forget it. - Shh!

Hey, no kiddin'.

Hey, yeah, that's right. Room 909.

Oh, well, that's great. Why don't you send her over.

Yeah. Oh, how about, uh ‒ about an hour?

Yeah.

Half hour would be better, Frankie, yeah.

Thanks, Frankie.

Grace, it's gettin' kinda late. Maybe we'd better get goin'.

Larry?

How old do you think I look?

I don't know.

I mean, uh...

you think I could pass for a college student?

Sure. Sure. You get good grades.

Larry, there's something I gotta do.

I want you to meet me back here in about one hour.

Well, wait. Where you goin'?

I just thought of something I could sell.

Why don't you tell me? Maybe I can sell some too.

I don't think so, Larry. You just wait for me, okay?

Oh, no. Grace! You can't!

I won't let you do it.

Do what?

- Well, you know. - What?

You know!

Larry, I know exactly what it is I'm doing.

So just relax.

Go back to the table and finish this up. Okay?

And meet me back here soon.

Well ‒ Well, Grace, think of what you're doing.

I mean, it's ‒ it's a sin.

Oh.

It'll never come off.

Aw, geez. Dropped my pneumonia.

So we'll do that ‒

Hey. Wait a minute.

All right, you stay out here.

Are you crazy? That guy hates my guts.

- He's not gonna do anything. Not for me. - No, but he might do it for me.

Three Beatles took a tour of Central Park yesterday while George...

- Hey, turn that crap off. - ...stayed in bed nursing a sore throat.

Reports are that George ‒

Hey, what are you doing? I was watching that.

Sorry about that. It's showtime.

But you don't seem to understand. The Ed Sullivan Show is gonna be on.

Honey, we all got our problems.

When that show goes on in there, that tube goes off. It's union rules.

Oh.

- Well, how long does this go on? - Midnight.

Want another?

He looks better than they do!

Oh, the hell with this. I don't wanna hear about it.

Wait! I'll tell you! Just listen!

This guy is the kid's father. In his wallet are tickets to the Beatles show.

- That's all we want. You can have his money. - What did you say?

- I said you can have all his money. - No, no, no, you said something about tickets.

Tickets to The Ed Sullivan Show. That's all we want.

- How many tickets has he got? - Three.

I'll do it. But I get one of the tickets.

I'm sorry. Really I am. It was just an accident.

I didn't want to come up here and get in trouble or anything like that.

I didn't even want to come here today. They made me do it.

This is very unlike me. I mean, I just don't do things like this.

It's all just very confusing for me. You've gotta believe me. Please.

I believe you. It's okay, it's okay.

Look, everything's gonna be all right.

Now, you got somebody you can call to come and pick you up?

Well, there's a phone over there.

Why don't you go over and use it?

Sergeant.

Look at this crap.

- Is that the bird that was under Lennon's bed? - Bird?

- Girl. - Girl, girl. That's her, yeah.

Well, I just spoke to Brian, and it's very important we keep her here for a while. Okay?

- No sweat. - I beg your pardon.

Uh, no problem.

Hello, Eddie? Can you come and get me, please?

♪ The best things in life are free ♪

♪ But you can keep 'em For the birds and bees ♪

- ♪ Now give me money ♪ - ♪ That's what I want ♪

♪ That's what I want ♪

♪ That's what I want ♪

- ♪ That's what I wa-a-a-a-ant, yeah ♪ - ♪ That's what I want ♪

♪ That's what I want ♪

♪ Your lovin' gives me a thrill ♪

- ♪ But your lovin' don't pay my bills ♪ - Damn it.

- ♪ Now give me money ♪ - ♪ That's what I want ♪

♪ That's what I want ♪

♪ That's what I want ♪

- ♪ That's what I wa-a-a-a-ant, yeah ♪ - ♪ That's what I want ♪

♪ That's what I want ♪

What?

Okay.

Yeah.

Forgive me!

Huh?

Trapped like a rat.

Hey, now, wait a minute. I said I'd get my hair cut.

But you don't expect me to pay for it, do ya?

Okay.

And don't forget to bring the tickets.

It's all set.

♪ And there's no time ♪

- ♪ When I'm alone ♪ - Going up.

- ♪ There's a place ♪ - Seven, please.

♪ There's a place ♪

- ♪ There's a place ♪ - Hey, baby, this is the "K."

I'm interrupting my own show to bring you an important Beatles bulletin.

I just discovered another pair of Ed Sullivan tickets I forgot to give away.

Now, even though we're only a few minutes away from show time,

the folks over there at CBS tell me you can still get in even if you're a few minutes late,

provided, of course, you answer our countdown question correctly.

Please hurry! Get me to seven!

If you live out on the island, Westchester County, Jersey, wherever,

don't call in if you can't make the show.

All right, here we go with a very tough Beatles question.

Which particular Beatle is at the same time the oldest and youngest member of the group?

Oh!

♪ I wanna be your lover, baby ♪

♪ I wanna be your man ♪

♪ I wanna be your lover, baby ♪

- Ow! Ooh! - Sorry.

♪ Love you like no other, baby ♪

♪ Like no other can ♪

♪ Love you like no other, baby ♪

♪ Like no other can ♪

♪ I wanna be your man ♪

Oh, please, God, let me get through. Please let me get through!

♪ I wanna be your man ♪

♪ I wanna be your man ♪

Yo, which Beatle is the oldest and youngest?

Ringo?

- Wait a minute. Ringo? - Yes.

That's right!

I got two passes waiting for you at the Ed Sullivan Theater. What's your name, baby?

Rosie! It's Rosie Petrofsky!

All right, Rosie, you're our winner! Congratulations!

Oh, thanks! Thank you very much!

Thank you for letting me use your phone!

- ♪ I wanna be your man ♪ - I won!

♪ I wanna be your man ♪

♪ Oh, ohh ♪

Lobby, please!

♪ I wanna be your lover, baby ♪

♪ I wanna be your man ♪

♪ I wanna be your lover, baby ♪

♪ I wanna be your man ♪

♪ Love you like no other, baby ♪

What's wrong?

What's wrong with this elevator?

- You! - Hi, Rosie.

You busted it! You broke the elevator!

Calm down and relax. I'll have it fixed in a jiffy.

I know everything there is to know about elevators.

You broke it. You broke it on purpose!

Wait a minute. I know how. Just let me fix this here.

Help! Get us out of here!

We're trapped! Oh, I'm ruined!

My whole life is ruined!

Don't worry. I'll get us out of this mess.

Somebody from the hotel's bound to save us. They'll rescue us, just like the cavalry.

Don't worry!

It's not like we're gonna suffocate.

We got plenty of fresh air.

Oh, before I forget, here's a little something for you on behalf of the boys and myself,

just to show there are no hard feelings.

It's a pass to the boys' performance on the telly tonight.

Oh, my God! Thank you.

Oh, by the way, there's some members of the press downstairs.

They'd like to chat with you a bit.

You don't have any objections, do you?

Reporters? Well ‒ Well, what do they want to talk to me for?

They just want to ask you a few questions.

- And of course... - You must be Al. Hi. I'm Cindy.

Hi, Cindy. I'm glad you could make it.

- Can I, uh ‒ Can I take your coat? - Yeah, sure.

- Can I fix you a drink? - A Coke, please.

...struggle almost endlessly for their freedom.

Well, uh, what kind of party did you have in mind, Al?

Well, uh, actually, Cindy,

it was more like a ‒ a picnic.

Look at that!

She's probably gonna end up in one of those houses.

She is gonna end up in one of those houses.

And it's all your fault.

Hey, here she comes. How 'bout a big smile for the cameras, baby?

Look over here, sweetheart. There you go!

How does it feel to be in the limelight? Would you do it again if you had the chance?

I don't know. I ‒

Hold it right there. Thank you.

What is it about these, uh ‒ about the Beatles anyway?

Different generation, yeah. That's what I mean.

Have you heard their music?

Okay, could the people in the front please sit down for the benefit of those in the back?

Thank you.

Now I'd like to introduce you to the young lady I told you about,

Miss Pam Mitchell.

Miss, how does it feel to be the number-one Beatle fan in New York?

Did you talk to them all? What did you talk about?

- Miss Mitchell. Miss Mitchell! - Did you talk to them all?

Millions of young girls across the country dream about what you've done today.

Perhaps you'd like to tell them,

how did you feel actually being in the Beatles' hotel room?

W-Well, I, um ‒

It's kind of hard to put into words, but...

I guess it ‒ it ‒ it was...

It was wonderful.

It was the most wonderful feeling I've ever had in my life.

Al, would you mind if I switched to Ed Sullivan?

- 'Cause the Beatles are gonna be on. - I don't care. Anything you want.

- Mmm. Thanks. - Try to land one of these.

Thank you. Thank you very, very much.

Uh, something really, really, really nice just happened

and, you know, the Beatles got a real, real kick out of it

because we received a wire ‒ or they did ‒

from Elvis Presley and Colonel Tom Parker

wishing them the most tremendous success in our country.

I think that was really, really, really nice.

Now, you know, this particular season has seen many, many exciting acts,

like the little Italian mouse, Topo Gigio,

Belgium's singing nun, Sister Sourire ‒

Well, kid, looks like your old man really stuck it to you this time.

The Sullivan show's already started. You may as well go home.

Oh, no, they'll let us in even if we're late, just as long as we got the tickets. Okay?

I'll give you one of my genuine Beatles bedsheets. Here, you can have a Paul.

I'm gonna miss The Ed Sullivan Show.

No, no, there's no way we can miss The Ed Sullivan Show.

I know where there's a TV. And besides, the Beatles are the last act.

They always save the best act for last. That way you have to sit through all the commercials.

I got tickets to see 'em in person!

I won 'em on the radio.

Yeah, well, that's what I was saying ‒

You ‒

We're ‒ No ‒ W-We're trapped!

Oh, please, get us out!

Somebody save us! We're trapped like rats!

- Back off. - All right, girls, get back there.

- Hold it! - All right, hold it down.

Pam! Pam, did you touch them?

- Can I touch you where they touched you? - I didn't touch them.

- Oh, can I have your autograph? - Sure.

Can we have your autograph?

Can I touch ‒ Were you in the room?

We'd better hurry if you wanna see the show.

Can I touch you?

- Excuse me. - Bye.

- Bye-bye. You take care. - Bye.

- Who's that guy? - Oh, that's Neil. He's really nice.

- You'd like him. - Yeah, let's go.

- You had me worried. I hope you know that. - Oh, I'm sorry, but today was so incredibly ‒

Look, I'm gonna let it go this time, but you are gonna have to start acting more responsibly.

You're hurting me!

Pam.

- Where's my ring? - What?

My ring. I paid a hundred and ‒ I paid $175 for that ring.

Where is it?

It's, um ‒ I-It's in my shoe.

- I put it in my shoe. - Well, get it the hell out of your shoe.

I thought that would be the safest place for it when I was running around here.

I couldn't think of anything else to do with it.

Because I lost my purse on our way here.

It was just in the car and ‒ I'm sorry, I ‒

Come on. Let's get outta here.

Hey. Psst. There he is.

- Hey, watch where you're walking! - This is a free country. I can walk where I want.

Then walk on the expressway.

- Come on. Let's go. - Wait a minute. Got the tickets?

Of course I got the tickets.

Come on! Let me see 'em!

There ain't no tickets in here!

Look!

Now come on. Let's go.

No.

Dad!

No.

No. No.

- Dad, no! Put me down! - Now, sit in there!

I said sit in there!

Oh, Jesus, no.

I said stay in that chair! Do you want to see that show or don't you?

Look at that.

- You ever see a haircut like that before? Huh? - Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm.

Isn't that somethin'? How would you like to have a kid like that?

Mm-mmm.

Got into town last night, saw him from the back, I thought it was my daughter.

Hmm.

I told him, "If you don't get a haircut, you'll have to wear a sign."

- Isn't that somethin'? - Mm-hmm.

All right then, go to work.

All right, now just take it easy. Nobody's gonna hurt you.

Now, be a man and everything'll be fine.

Ah.

All right, kid, how do you want it?

I want him to look like a marine.

Oh, my God! He's just been hit by a bus!

I ‒ I think he's in shock!

Mister, please, can I use your coat? We've gotta keep him covered!

He looks bad! You better give him some mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!

Uh, right. Uh, could you call an ambulance, please?

- There's a phone booth right outside. - Okay, okay.

Give him some mouth-to-mouth, huh? Did you hear what I said? Mouth-to-mouth.

More oxygen!

Come on.

Oh, great. Come on!

What the ‒

Hello? Hello?

Aw, it's dead. It's completely dead.

Just like everything else in this roach trap.

I knew it. I knew this would happen.

It's because I'm being punished.

I'm being punished because I missed mass this morning.

Hey, a trap door. Of course! A trap door!

All elevators have to have trap doors. That's the law.

With this, you can crawl up through the fifth floor.

Oh, no, you'd better not. That looks awful dangerous.

Dangerous? Why, this isn't dangerous. I'll tell you what's dangerous.

The time I got thrown off the Long Island Railroad.

Now, that was dangerous.

This isn't even moving!

Oh, that's what I was afraid of. A safety interlock.

- We'll never get these doors open. - Oh, it's hopeless.

The show's already started. We may as well forget about it.

Forget about it? Forget about the Beatles? What's the matter? You screwy or somethin'?

What else can we do? We've tried everything else.

It's only two-eighths-inch plate glass.

These doors are pretty flimsy, like everything else in this fleabag.

So?

Come on!

What are you waiting for?

Just think. In a couple of hours you're gonna be Mrs. Eddie Lupus.

Mrs. Eddie Lupus.

I like the way that sounds.

Hey, it's gonna be a great life for us, Mrs. Lupus.

And why shouldn't it be? I've got a great job.

Heck, I'm in on the ground floor of something really big.

These plastic furniture covers are the thing of the future.

Yeah, we'll have to skimp the first few years and we won't be able to go out much.

But, uh, who cares?

We'll have each other.

Mr. and Mrs. Eddie Lupus, till death us do part.

I'd rather see the Beatles.

- What? - Eddie, stop the car.

- I wanna get out. - What are you talking about?

I've got this ticket to see the Beatles and I don't want to miss it.

W-We're getting married!

I can't do it, Eddie.

I can't marry you.

What did you say?

I just can't marry you. I don't want to anymore.

Pam, what the hell have you been doing here in New York?

I've just realized that there are more things in life for me besides marriage.

- Like what? - Like the Beatles!

Pamela. Pamela!

You come back here! Did you hear me?

Did you hear me? Come back here!

Your luxurious sweetheart bath.

- More, more. Oh, yeah. - In pure, mild SweetHeart soap.

Faster, faster, faster!

When it's least expected, you're the star.

Don't miss Candid Camera tonight at 10:00, 9:00 Central, here on CBS.

Candid Camera. That's it!

Come on, Larry.

Come on.

Hey, Tony, what are you really gonna do with that ticket?

I told you. I'm gonna scalp 'em. Do you mind?

You know, Rosie could really use that ticket, if you're just gonna sell it to some stranger.

Look, how am I supposed to find Rosie?

You want Rosie to have a ticket, you go find her and give her yours.

Oh, my God! That's her! She's here!

- Rosie! Hey, Rosie! - Janis!

Wait a minute!

I won tickets on the ra ‒ You won 'em too!

Come on!

- And right now, from Paris, France... - Good. Rub it. Faster. Faster!

...here is Pierre Poullier and his performing poodles.

Let's bring him on with a nice welcome, shall we?

Yes!

Oh-oh-oh! Get a little on the back.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me. I'm sorry. Excuse me.

- Hey! - Excuse me.

- Pam! - Rosie!

- What are you doing here? - I got an extra ticket!

Hey, get these mongrels off the stage! We wanna see some real entertainment!

- Shh! - I hate dogs. I always have.

Oh, that's good. Oh, good, good, good.

That's good ‒ Ooh! Faster. Faster.

Faster! Oh, that's good.

Uh, get the ketchup. Get the ketchup.

Put a little ketchup on the side. Ketchup.

Smile! You're on Candid Camera!

- Hey! - Watch the birdie!

- Say "cheese"! - What the hell are you doing?

Don't worry. I'll have these proofs sent to your house.

You and your wife can select the prints you'd like at your own convenience.

What are you doing to me? What do you want?

However, if you prefer to have the negatives processed somewhere else,

I'd be more than happy to sell them to you at the incredible discount rate of only $50.

Fifty bucks? That's blackmail!

- Look, Al, I happen to be in a hurry. - All right, okay. Okay. Fifty bucks.

Smart move, Al.

You're never gonna regret this. You know, I'm letting you off easy.

Here's your film, Al.

Hold it, you little bitch!

- You're not going anywhere with my money! - Oh, no! No! No!

Get your goddamn hands off her,

you big hot dog.

Oh, Larry, you were just wonderful!

- Let's get the hell out of here. - Come on. Come on. Come on, hot dog.

Just ‒ Just ‒ Just stay tuned.

- We'll be right back with the Beatles... - Down, Larry. Down, Larry.

...after this word about Aero Shave.

Now, ladies and gentlemen here in the studio audience,

right after these commercial announcements we're going to bring out... the Beatles!

All right, now, just simmer down.

Simmer down. Relax.

Let's just try to take it easy.

Shit!

Hey, this thing handles pretty well.

Now, I wanna remind you, all you people,

to keep your seats.

Remain seated for the entire show.

All of you, stay in your seats,

especially you folks up there in the balcony.

Now, you. Young man up there. Would you please sit down there, please?

- Who, me? - Yes, you.

Now, will you please take off that ridiculous hat?

Okay, Ed!

How are people behind gonna be able to see with that ridiculous hat on there?

All right, Ed.

So please, let's have no more outbursts like that.

- Let's set a nice example for ‒ - Would you like me to take my coat off too?

All right, take that off too. But sit down.

Please!

Jesus Christ!

Whoo-hoo!

What do you think this is, a funeral or something?

- Uh, Larry, it's a red light! - I don't see no red light.

- We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! - Now, you promised.

- We want the Beatles! - You promised!

So far you've all been very well behaved. Now, let's not spoil it.

I don't wanna have to bring a barber out here.

That's why I have a barber station just in case.

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

♪ Brylcreem, a little dab'll do ya ♪

♪ Brylcreem You'll look so debonair ♪

♪ Brylcreem The gals'll all pursue ya ♪

♪ They'll love to run their fingers Through your hair ♪

- Get me safe, please, all right? - A near miss!

Hold on!

Serves you right, you moron!

Pain mounts up. You feel dull, depressed.

Would somebody out there get those title cards in focus? You can't read this shit.

- How do I know which one's Ringo? - I think he plays the guitar.

What guitar? There's three guitars.

I've got a headache that's gonna slam through my ears. Where the hell is Ed?

- It's a one-way street. - I'm only goin' one way.

You got the 50?

- Yeah. - Come on.

All right, kid, you're going down a one-way street the wrong way.

Let me see your license.

I haven't got a license.

You don't have a license, huh? Then who belongs to this car?

It's my father's.

You're gonna have to go down to the station house. You can call your old man from there.

- Out of the car. - Excuse me.

Excuse me, Officer. This kid here.

This kid, he's ‒ he's my boyfriend,

and, um, I was just wondering

if there was any other way we could take care of this.

Well, driving without a license is a very serious offense.

I know, Officer, but, um,

do you ‒ do you think his fine would be more than $50?

Well, that sounds about right.

Well, um,

Officer, my friend and I, we're both really in kind of a hurry,

and I was wondering, if we were to pay you the fine right now...

do you think you could take care of it for us?

Well, it's, uh, an irregular procedure, but in this case I'll make an exception.

Thank you.

All right, kid, I'm gonna give you a break this time.

Thank you, sir.

But let this be a lesson to ya.

Whew. Hey, thanks a lot, Grace.

Forget it.

Now, all day yesterday and today the theater's been absolutely jammed...

Oh, my God.

- ...with newspapermen and photographers... - I'm gonna see Paul.

- ...and they all agree there has never been... - I'm gonna see Paul right here.

Stand by. One minute.

When they come out there, keep that audio down, mister. I don't wanna see that needle ‒

Tony, Tony, don't do it!

Janis! What the hell do you think you're doing?

- What do you think you're doing? - I know what I'm doing!

I'm putting an end to this Beatles bullshit once and for all!

That's crazy, Tony! You could get electrocuted!

You could ‒ You could blow this whole building up!

You might even get killed!

Yeah? Well, what about that scuzzy hair?

What if everybody starts running around, looking like that?

Oh, please, Tony, please, just listen to me for a minute!

Forget it, Janis!

Fifty million TV sets are all gonna go black,

and there ain't a damn thing that you or anybody else can do about it!

Okay! All right!

You want 'em, you got 'em! You got 'em.

Oh, shit!

So now, ladies and gentlemen, here they are...

the Beatles!

♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ You think you've lost your love ♪

♪ Well, I saw her yesterday ♪

♪ It's you she's thinking of ♪

♪ And she told me what to say ♪

♪ She said she loves you ♪

♪ And you know that can't be bad ♪

♪ Yes, she loves you ♪

♪ And you know you should be glad ♪

♪ She said you hurt her so ♪

♪ She almost lost her mind ♪

♪ Now she says she knows ♪

♪ You're not the hurtin' kind ♪

♪ She says she loves you ♪

♪ And you know that can't be bad ♪

♪ Yes, she loves you ♪

♪ And you know you should be glad ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ And with a love like that ♪

♪ You know you should be glad ♪

♪ You know it's up to you ♪

♪ I think it's only fair ♪

♪ Pride can hurt you too ♪

♪ Apologize to her ♪

♪ Because she loves you ♪

♪ And you know that can't be bad ♪

♪ 'Cause she loves you ♪

♪ And you know you should be glad ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ With a love like that ♪

♪ You know you should be glad ♪

♪ With a love like that ♪

♪ You know you should be glad ♪

♪ With a love like that ♪

♪ You know you should ♪

♪ Be glad ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

We love you, John!

I can't believe this.

Now, I wanna dedicate all those guitar songs to Johnny Carson,

Randy Paar and Earl Wilson.

Just a reminder, the Beatles will be back next week from Miami Beach.

Also, the fabulous Budapest Ballerinas.

There's a young impressionist, does an impression of me, Will Jordan.

A host of many, many fine acts.

So drive carefully. We'll see you next week. Good night!

- Rosie! Rosie! - Good night!

Rosie! Rosie!

What happened?

What happened?

Rosie, you fainted. You missed the whole show.

- I know. - Come on. Let's get outta here.

- It's all my fault. It's all my fault. - Forget it. Forget it!

- You coulda got your pictures. It's all my fault. - For goodness sakes, let's just forget it.

Let's not even talk about it anymore.

Why don't we talk about something else.

Why don't we talk about that dance Friday night, Larry?

What time you wanna pick me up?

You wanna go to the dance with me?

- Sure. - Oh, yeah?

- So, didn't you ask me? - Yeah.

Yeah! Yeah, the valentine's dance, huh?

Yeah, it'll be a gas.

- Hurry up. - Oh, God, it's the fuzz.

I'm gonna be sick.

Much more of this mucking around and I'm gonna pack it in.

- I think I lost me ring. - You're on my hand again.

- I'm not on your hand! - This isn't the right car.

- This isn't the right car! - They're in that car!

Never mind. I say there! You! Get these boys out of here!

Sure, mister, sure.

For God's sake, get these boys out of here before they're trampled to death!

Drive, Larry, drive!

Oh, great!

- Come on, come on, drive on! - Would you give me a break?

Look! There they go!

Hey, wait a minute! That limo's got Jersey plates!

Nah, it couldn't be.

♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ You think you've lost your love ♪

♪ Well, I saw her yesterday ♪

♪ It's you she's thinking of ♪

♪ And she told me what to say ♪

♪ She said she loves you ♪

♪ And you know that can't be bad ♪

♪ Yes, she loves you ♪

♪ And you know you should be glad ♪

♪ She said you hurt her so ♪

♪ She almost lost her mind ♪

♪ Now she says she knows ♪

♪ You're not the hurtin' kind ♪

♪ She says she loves you ♪

♪ And you know that can't be bad ♪

♪ Yes, she loves you ♪

♪ And you know you should be glad ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ And with a love like that ♪

♪ You know you should be glad ♪

♪ With a love like that ♪

♪ You know you should be glad ♪

♪ With a love like that ♪

♪ You know you should ♪

♪ Be glad ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪