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1
00:00:25,001 --> 00:00:27,801
- So, you're sure you'll be all right?
- What, Basil?
2
00:00:27,881 --> 00:00:30,961
- You'll be all right?
- Will you get me my bed jacket?
3
00:00:31,561 --> 00:00:32,881
Bed jacket.
4
00:00:32,961 --> 00:00:35,961
In the drawer, the blue one, in the drawer!
5
00:00:37,601 --> 00:00:39,801
Now, you won't forget
the fire drill tomorrow?
6
00:00:39,881 --> 00:00:42,201
I won't, dear. I can cope, you know.
7
00:00:42,281 --> 00:00:43,641
This one?
8
00:00:43,721 --> 00:00:46,121
- That's not blue.
- It's got blue things on it.
9
00:00:46,201 --> 00:00:49,041
They're flowers, and I didn't ask
for the one with flowers, did I?
10
00:00:49,121 --> 00:00:50,281
No, you didn't.
11
00:00:50,361 --> 00:00:55,041
I only picked that one up to annoy you.
What have you got all this stuff for?
12
00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:56,721
- What?
- You're only here three days,
13
00:00:56,801 --> 00:00:58,961
you gonna play charades every night?
14
00:00:59,041 --> 00:01:00,281
- This one?
- Is it blue?
15
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:02,241
Bluish, I suppose.
16
00:01:02,921 --> 00:01:05,601
Now you will remember to collect
the stuff from Thomas's, won't you?
17
00:01:05,681 --> 00:01:07,161
Yes, I will.
18
00:01:07,761 --> 00:01:11,081
And I forgot to scrape the mould off
the cheddar this morning, so remind Chef.
19
00:01:11,161 --> 00:01:12,601
Right.
20
00:01:13,161 --> 00:01:15,921
And try to find time to
get the moose's head up.
21
00:01:16,001 --> 00:01:17,001
Oh.
22
00:01:17,521 --> 00:01:21,081
- It's been sitting there for two weeks, Basil.
- Yes, yes, yes.
23
00:01:21,161 --> 00:01:22,841
I don't know why you bought it.
24
00:01:22,961 --> 00:01:27,521
It will lend the lobby a certain ambience, Sybil.
It has a touch of style about it.
25
00:01:27,601 --> 00:01:30,401
- It's got a touch of mange about it.
- That is not so.
26
00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:33,041
It's got things living in it, Basil.
It's nasty.
27
00:01:33,121 --> 00:01:37,201
- It is not nasty, it is superb.
- I'm not going to argue with you, Basil,
28
00:01:37,321 --> 00:01:40,961
just get it up out of the way.
I don't want to snag any more cardies on it.
29
00:01:41,041 --> 00:01:43,041
And will you get me my phone book, please?
30
00:01:43,121 --> 00:01:45,361
Like I don't have enough to do.
I mean, I'm on my own,
31
00:01:45,441 --> 00:01:47,441
- the Germans are arriving tomorrow...
- Not till lunchtime.
32
00:01:47,521 --> 00:01:49,841
- You could do it in the morning.
- I've got the fire drill in the morning.
33
00:01:49,921 --> 00:01:52,361
That only takes ten minutes. In the bag!
34
00:01:52,441 --> 00:01:54,961
I thought slavery had been abolished.
35
00:01:55,721 --> 00:01:59,081
Don't you ever think about
anybody but yourself?
36
00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:02,121
- In the bag!
- Oh, in the bag. Let me do it.
37
00:02:02,201 --> 00:02:03,481
You just lie there with your feet up
38
00:02:03,561 --> 00:02:07,241
and I'll carry you up another
hundredweight of lime creams.
39
00:02:07,321 --> 00:02:10,321
I am actually about to
undergo an operation, Basil.
40
00:02:10,401 --> 00:02:12,881
Oh, yes, how is the old toenail?
41
00:02:12,961 --> 00:02:16,201
Still growing in, still burrowing
its way down to the bone,
42
00:02:16,321 --> 00:02:20,121
still macheteing its way through the nerve?
Nasty old nail.
43
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:23,321
It's still hurting,
if that's what you mean, Basil.
44
00:02:23,401 --> 00:02:25,921
It'll be out in the
morning, poor little devil.
45
00:02:26,001 --> 00:02:29,081
I wonder if they'd mount it for me,
just for old times' sake.
46
00:02:29,161 --> 00:02:30,361
I'm sure it's worth asking.
47
00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:31,921
You could hang it on the
wall, next to the moose.
48
00:02:32,001 --> 00:02:33,841
- They'd go well together.
- Ha, ha, ha.
49
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:37,121
There you are. Come along, out you go.
50
00:02:38,401 --> 00:02:40,921
Oh, were you talking to me?
I'm sorry, I thought there was a dog in here.
51
00:02:41,001 --> 00:02:44,001
- No, no dogs in here.
- I wouldn't bet on it.
52
00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:46,441
Not allowed.
Now come along, you're in the way.
53
00:02:46,521 --> 00:02:49,801
- Fawlty's the name. Mr Fawlty.
- Let's sit you up a bit.
54
00:02:49,881 --> 00:02:53,801
- Thank you, Sister.
- Now pop that under your tongue.
55
00:02:55,001 --> 00:02:57,321
- You still here?
- Apparently.
56
00:02:58,361 --> 00:03:02,521
- The doctor's coming.
- My God! A doctor, here in the hospital?
57
00:03:02,601 --> 00:03:06,281
- Whatever can we do?
- You can leave.
58
00:03:06,361 --> 00:03:09,321
Why do they call you "sister"?
Is it a term of endearment?
59
00:03:09,401 --> 00:03:11,881
Now look, Mr Fawlty,
I'm not going to ask you again!
60
00:03:12,001 --> 00:03:15,961
Presumably you wouldn't mind if I said goodbye
to my wife? She is under the knife tomorrow.
61
00:03:16,041 --> 00:03:19,881
- It's an ingrowing toenail.
- You know, do you? That'll help.
62
00:03:20,041 --> 00:03:23,601
Just take care, and if you think
of any more things for me to do,
63
00:03:23,681 --> 00:03:25,201
don't hesitate to call.
64
00:03:26,041 --> 00:03:28,241
- Finished?
- Just. Thank you so much.
65
00:03:28,321 --> 00:03:31,321
- Not at all.
- Ingrowing toenail. Right foot.
66
00:03:31,681 --> 00:03:35,281
You'll find it on the end of the leg.
Bye, darling.
67
00:03:37,681 --> 00:03:39,681
- Mr Fawlty?
- Yes?
68
00:03:40,161 --> 00:03:41,401
Dr Fin.
69
00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:44,841
- How do you do, Doctor?
- You've just seen your wife?
70
00:03:44,921 --> 00:03:47,761
Just said goodbye, well, au re voir.
71
00:03:47,841 --> 00:03:52,961
Yes, it is a very simple operation,
but it will be quite painful afterwards.
72
00:03:53,161 --> 00:03:54,801
Will it? Oh, dear.
73
00:03:54,881 --> 00:03:57,361
Just for a time, but don't worry.
74
00:03:57,961 --> 00:04:00,161
I'll try not to.
75
00:04:00,481 --> 00:04:02,841
- Quite painful?
- Yes.
76
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:14,121
- Evening, Major.
- Evening, Fawlty. Hampshire won.
77
00:04:14,201 --> 00:04:16,801
Did it? Oh, isn't that good? How splendid.
78
00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:20,281
Oh, Fawlty, how's, erm...
79
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,641
- My wife?
- That's it.
80
00:04:21,721 --> 00:04:24,681
Fine. Absolutely fine.
They're taking it out tomorrow morning.
81
00:04:24,761 --> 00:04:26,161
Is she? Good.
82
00:04:26,241 --> 00:04:28,641
Not her, the nail.
They won't have operated till tomorrow.
83
00:04:28,721 --> 00:04:31,521
- What?
- The nail. They're taking it out tomorrow.
84
00:04:31,601 --> 00:04:33,961
How did she get a nail in her?
85
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:36,721
I told you, she's having her toenail out.
86
00:04:36,801 --> 00:04:40,361
- What, just the one of them?
- It's an ingrowing one.
87
00:04:40,561 --> 00:04:43,841
- If it's causing you pain, you have it out.
- Exactly.
88
00:04:43,921 --> 00:04:46,841
So I'm on my own now,
start running this place properly.
89
00:04:46,921 --> 00:04:49,801
- So you're on your own?
- Apparently, yes.
90
00:04:49,881 --> 00:04:52,161
- She won't be away for long, will she?
- No, no, no.
91
00:04:52,241 --> 00:04:55,721
- Not unless there's a serious mistake.
- You've always got Elsie to help you.
92
00:04:55,801 --> 00:04:57,241
- Who?
- Elsie.
93
00:04:57,801 --> 00:05:00,561
She left a couple of years ago, Major.
94
00:05:00,761 --> 00:05:04,921
- Funny, I thought I saw her yesterday.
- I don't think so. She's in Canada.
95
00:05:05,001 --> 00:05:08,321
- Strange creatures, women.
- Well, can't stand around all day...
96
00:05:08,401 --> 00:05:12,921
I knew one once.
Striking looking girl, tall, you know.
97
00:05:13,001 --> 00:05:14,641
- Father was a banker.
- Really?
98
00:05:14,721 --> 00:05:17,441
- Don't remember the name of the bank.
- Never mind.
99
00:05:17,521 --> 00:05:23,161
I must have been keen on her
because I took her to see India!
100
00:05:24,201 --> 00:05:28,481
- India?
- At the Oval! Fine match.
101
00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:32,641
A marvellous finish.
Now, Surrey had to get 33 in half an hour,
102
00:05:32,721 --> 00:05:36,121
and she went off to powder
her hands or something.
103
00:05:36,201 --> 00:05:40,001
- Women... Never came back.
- What a shame.
104
00:05:40,081 --> 00:05:43,081
The strange thing was that
throughout the morning,
105
00:05:43,161 --> 00:05:45,881
she kept referring to
the Indians as "niggers".
106
00:05:45,961 --> 00:05:50,601
No, no, I said,
niggers are the West Indians,
107
00:05:50,681 --> 00:05:52,561
these people are wogs!
108
00:05:53,281 --> 00:05:57,281
No, no, she said,
all cricketers are niggers.
109
00:05:57,761 --> 00:06:01,001
They do get awfully confused.
They're not thinkers. I see it with Sybil every day.
110
00:06:01,081 --> 00:06:05,361
I wish I could remember her name,
she's still got my wallet.
111
00:06:05,641 --> 00:06:08,961
As I was saying,
no capacity for logical thought.
112
00:06:09,041 --> 00:06:10,881
- Who?
- Women.
113
00:06:11,361 --> 00:06:14,001
Oh, yes. I thought you meant Indians.
114
00:06:14,081 --> 00:06:18,081
No, wasn't it Oscar Wilde who said,
"They have minds like Swiss cheese"?
115
00:06:18,161 --> 00:06:20,161
What do you mean? Hard?
116
00:06:20,241 --> 00:06:23,561
- No, full of holes.
- Really?
117
00:06:24,201 --> 00:06:26,281
- Indians?
- No, women!
118
00:06:26,361 --> 00:06:27,441
Oh.
119
00:06:28,041 --> 00:06:29,921
- Can we help you?
- Hello.
120
00:06:30,001 --> 00:06:32,921
You see? Three years at college,
she doesn't know the time of day.
121
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:36,121
- About two minutes to six.
- What are you looking for?
122
00:06:36,241 --> 00:06:39,681
- My German book.
- We've got some Germans arriving tomorrow,
123
00:06:39,761 --> 00:06:42,201
so Polly's brushing up another one
of her languages.
124
00:06:42,281 --> 00:06:45,801
- Germans? Coming here?
- Just for a couple of days, Major.
125
00:06:45,881 --> 00:06:49,161
- I don't care much for Germans.
- I know what you mean, but...
126
00:06:49,241 --> 00:06:53,641
Bunch of Krauts, that's what they are,
all of them. Bad eggs!
127
00:06:53,721 --> 00:06:57,881
Forgive and forget, Major.
God knows how, the bastards, still...
128
00:06:58,561 --> 00:07:00,521
I'd better put the moose up.
129
00:07:00,601 --> 00:07:03,681
Well, you've got to love them,
I suppose, haven't you?
130
00:07:03,761 --> 00:07:06,121
- Germans?
- No, women!
131
00:07:06,201 --> 00:07:09,641
I hate Germans, love women.
132
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,521
What about German women?
133
00:07:11,601 --> 00:07:15,841
Good card players,
but I wouldn't give them the time of day.
134
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:18,241
Found it.
135
00:07:18,321 --> 00:07:20,001
I don't know what you're
bothering with that for.
136
00:07:20,121 --> 00:07:23,961
- They said some of them didn't speak English.
- Well, that's their problem, isn't it?
137
00:07:24,041 --> 00:07:26,561
I don't know why she's
got to complicate everything.
138
00:07:27,641 --> 00:07:29,601
Got her cardy, did you?
139
00:07:36,921 --> 00:07:41,801
- By Jove! Nearly 6:00, Fawlty.
- Is it?
140
00:07:41,881 --> 00:07:45,681
Yes, well, when you're ready,
I might have a fruit juice or something.
141
00:07:45,801 --> 00:07:50,561
- I'll open up the moment I've done this, Major.
- No immediate hurry.
142
00:07:51,441 --> 00:07:53,001
Drunken old sod.
143
00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:54,281
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
144
00:07:54,361 --> 00:07:55,961
Polly!
145
00:07:57,321 --> 00:07:58,561
Polly!
146
00:08:00,761 --> 00:08:03,121
Manuel! Oh.
147
00:08:09,441 --> 00:08:11,841
Yes, Fawlty Towers, hello?
148
00:08:12,721 --> 00:08:14,601
I was just doing it, you stupid woman.
149
00:08:14,721 --> 00:08:18,161
I just put it down to come here to be
reminded by you to do what I'm already...
150
00:08:18,241 --> 00:08:21,361
What's the point of reminding me
to do what I'm already doing?
151
00:08:21,441 --> 00:08:24,641
What is the bloody point?
I'm doing it, aren't I?
152
00:08:25,801 --> 00:08:28,201
Yes, I picked it up.
153
00:08:28,321 --> 00:08:31,961
No, I haven't had a chance yet.
I've been at it solidly ever since I got back.
154
00:08:32,041 --> 00:08:33,441
Yes, I will.
155
00:08:34,001 --> 00:08:39,121
No, I haven't yet, but I will, yes. I know it is,
I'll try and get it cleared up. Anything else?
156
00:08:39,201 --> 00:08:42,721
I mean, would you like the hotel moved
a bit to the left, or...
157
00:08:42,801 --> 00:08:45,921
Enjoy the operation, dear,
let's hope nothing goes wrong.
158
00:08:46,681 --> 00:08:48,521
I wish it was an ingrowing tongue.
159
00:08:49,841 --> 00:08:54,241
- Yes?
- It's the Admirable Crichton. Well?
160
00:08:55,161 --> 00:08:58,441
- You called, sir?
- Last week. But not to worry.
161
00:08:58,721 --> 00:09:02,921
- Qué?
- Oh, Buddha. Look, go and get me a hammer.
162
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:05,121
- Cómo?
- Hammer.
163
00:09:05,201 --> 00:09:07,401
"Ham-a". Oh, ham-a sandwich!
164
00:09:07,481 --> 00:09:11,641
Do I have to go through this every time?
Look, a hammer!
165
00:09:11,721 --> 00:09:13,881
- My hamster?
- No, not your hamster.
166
00:09:13,961 --> 00:09:17,201
How can I knock a nail in
with your hamster? Well, I could try.
167
00:09:17,281 --> 00:09:20,041
No, it doesn't matter, all right,
I'll get it, you come here and tidy.
168
00:09:20,121 --> 00:09:21,801
- You know, tidy?
- Oh, tidy, sí.
169
00:09:21,881 --> 00:09:25,521
I get hhhammer and hhhit you on the
hhhead with it hhhard.
170
00:09:25,841 --> 00:09:28,601
Hammer. Hammer. How are you, sir?
171
00:09:28,681 --> 00:09:32,961
You see, I speak English well.
I learn it from a book.
172
00:09:33,521 --> 00:09:36,761
(UPPER CLASS ACCENT) Hello. I am English.
173
00:09:37,281 --> 00:09:38,801
Hello.
174
00:09:41,001 --> 00:09:43,401
How are you, sir?
175
00:09:45,521 --> 00:09:47,881
MANUEL: I can speak English.
176
00:09:50,961 --> 00:09:53,921
Oh, hello, Major. How are you today?
177
00:09:56,081 --> 00:09:59,321
(STUTTERING) I'm fine, thank you.
178
00:09:59,401 --> 00:10:01,841
MANUEL: Is a beautiful day today.
179
00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:05,321
Is it? Yes, yes, I suppose it is.
180
00:10:05,401 --> 00:10:08,001
Yes, I can speak English.
181
00:10:09,201 --> 00:10:12,561
- I learn it from a book.
- Did you?
182
00:10:12,641 --> 00:10:17,121
- Did you really? There you are, Fawlty.
- Yes, I'm just going to open up, Major.
183
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:22,241
Oh, fine. I say, that's a remarkable animal
you have there, Fawlty.
184
00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:25,081
- Where did you get it?
- Samson's, in the town.
185
00:10:25,161 --> 00:10:27,681
Really? Was it expensive?
186
00:10:28,321 --> 00:10:30,801
- £12, I think.
- Good Lord.
187
00:10:31,361 --> 00:10:33,241
Japanese, was it?
188
00:10:34,841 --> 00:10:36,241
Canadian, I think, Major.
189
00:10:36,321 --> 00:10:40,081
I didn't know the Canadians were
as clever as that. My God.
190
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,001
He's started early.
191
00:10:46,361 --> 00:10:49,441
- Polly, what's that smell?
- Flowers.
192
00:10:49,521 --> 00:10:52,481
- I just got them from the garden.
- What are you stinking the place out for?
193
00:10:52,561 --> 00:10:55,881
- What's happened to the plastic ones?
- Being ironed.
194
00:10:57,601 --> 00:10:59,001
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
195
00:10:59,081 --> 00:11:01,921
Will you answer that please?
I'm trying to put this up.
196
00:11:02,001 --> 00:11:04,761
Fawlty Towers. Oh, hello, Mrs Fawlty.
197
00:11:04,841 --> 00:11:08,481
I'm doing it! I'm doing it now!
Tell her I'm doing it now!
198
00:11:08,561 --> 00:11:10,801
He says he's doing it now. How's the nail?
199
00:11:10,881 --> 00:11:13,281
I wish it was this one.
200
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:18,081
There. Tell the tyrant queen
her cardies are safe forever.
201
00:11:18,161 --> 00:11:19,721
Mr Moose is up.
202
00:11:19,801 --> 00:11:22,881
- It's done, done, done!
- It's up.
203
00:11:25,441 --> 00:11:27,121
It's down again.
204
00:11:27,681 --> 00:11:30,161
- Did you use a wall plug?
- Give it to me! Give it to...
205
00:11:32,241 --> 00:11:37,481
No, he just fell over Manuel, and he seems to
have got himself jammed under the swivel chair.
206
00:11:37,561 --> 00:11:39,921
And the flowers have just fallen on him.
207
00:11:40,001 --> 00:11:42,161
No, everything else is fine.
208
00:11:47,201 --> 00:11:50,041
Up. Up. Easy. Very good.
209
00:11:50,881 --> 00:11:53,001
Right. Good.
210
00:11:58,681 --> 00:12:00,441
MANUEL: Is good.
BASIL: Is good.
211
00:12:02,281 --> 00:12:03,801
Oh, what is...
212
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:09,321
Right, well, go on, get back to your work.
213
00:12:09,401 --> 00:12:10,801
£12...
214
00:12:13,961 --> 00:12:15,481
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
215
00:12:15,561 --> 00:12:17,761
You know there's a fire drill
in a few minutes, do you?
216
00:12:17,841 --> 00:12:20,361
- No, no, we didn't.
- You hadn't read the notice?
217
00:12:20,441 --> 00:12:22,281
- No.
- Right, well, when you hear the bell
218
00:12:22,401 --> 00:12:25,161
if you'd be so kind as to get out for a few
moments, we have to clear the building.
219
00:12:25,241 --> 00:12:26,601
Thank you so much.
220
00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:29,001
- Mr Fawlty, you know it's nearly 12:00?
- Yes?
221
00:12:29,121 --> 00:12:31,841
- Well, the fire drill?
- Yes, I hadn't forgotten. I just told somebody.
222
00:12:31,961 --> 00:12:34,801
I can cope.
I mean, you know what you're doing, do you?
223
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:39,361
- Help get people out of the bedrooms upstairs.
- While learning two oriental languages.
224
00:12:39,441 --> 00:12:40,561
- Mr Fawlty?
- Yes?
225
00:12:40,641 --> 00:12:43,241
- Who else is doing the upstairs?
- Only you, it doesn't take a moment.
226
00:12:43,321 --> 00:12:46,121
- Yes, but I'm only here at mealtimes.
- So?
227
00:12:46,241 --> 00:12:50,641
What happens if there's a fire when I'm not here?
Who does the upstairs then?
228
00:12:50,761 --> 00:12:53,241
Well, we'll worry about that when we come to it.
What's the panic?
229
00:12:53,321 --> 00:12:54,961
Always an argument about everything.
230
00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:57,041
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
231
00:12:57,121 --> 00:12:58,441
Hello, Fawlty Towers.
232
00:12:59,641 --> 00:13:02,641
Oh, what is it now?
Can't you leave me in peace?
233
00:13:02,721 --> 00:13:06,001
Yes, we're just gonna have
it, I hadn't forgotten!
234
00:13:06,081 --> 00:13:09,441
Yes, I know I need the key.
It's on the top of the...
235
00:13:09,841 --> 00:13:11,801
Well, where is it?
236
00:13:12,121 --> 00:13:15,801
Well, what'd you put it in there for?
Nobody's going to steal it, are they?
237
00:13:15,921 --> 00:13:20,561
Yes, yes, I know that you know, but I don't...
Yes, I do now, thank you so much.
238
00:13:20,641 --> 00:13:22,641
Why's she got to complicate it?
I put something down,
239
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:26,761
I know where it is, so she has to come along
and move the damn thing so I can't find it.
240
00:13:26,841 --> 00:13:28,401
(ALARM RINGING)
241
00:13:28,721 --> 00:13:31,401
Well, what'd she put that on...
Oh, I might've guessed.
242
00:13:31,481 --> 00:13:34,801
- Sorry, Major, only the burglar alarm. Sorry.
- What?
243
00:13:34,921 --> 00:13:39,201
Sorry, Miss Tibbs. That was the burglar alarm.
Fire drill's not for a couple of minutes. Sorry.
244
00:13:39,281 --> 00:13:40,761
- Excuse me?
- Burglars, Fawlty?
245
00:13:40,841 --> 00:13:43,841
- No, no, my wife left... Excuse me?
- Yes?
246
00:13:43,921 --> 00:13:46,241
Sorry, that wasn't the fire bell...
That was just the...
247
00:13:46,321 --> 00:13:49,201
- I thought there was a drill.
- Yes, there is. At 12:00 but not yet.
248
00:13:49,281 --> 00:13:51,961
- But it is 12:00.
- Not quite, thank you. Excuse me?
249
00:13:52,041 --> 00:13:54,401
- Well, I make it 12:00.
- I'm afraid that wasn't the...
250
00:13:54,481 --> 00:13:55,761
What time do you make it, Major?
251
00:13:55,841 --> 00:13:57,481
- Look.
- Burglars about, I think.
252
00:13:57,601 --> 00:14:00,041
It doesn't matter what time he makes it,
it hasn't started yet.
253
00:14:00,121 --> 00:14:02,161
- What?
- It hasn't started yet!
254
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:04,321
- But that was the bell, wasn't it?
- No!
255
00:14:04,401 --> 00:14:08,121
- He means the drill hasn't started yet.
- What drill? We didn't hear a drill.
256
00:14:08,241 --> 00:14:11,921
- No, no, look, look. That was the burglar alarm.
- See!
257
00:14:12,041 --> 00:14:13,361
- The burglar alarm?
- Yes!
258
00:14:13,441 --> 00:14:15,001
- Are there burglars?
- Evidently.
259
00:14:15,081 --> 00:14:17,641
No, what's the matter with you all?
It's perfectly simple.
260
00:14:17,761 --> 00:14:22,081
We have the fire drill when I ring the fire bell.
That wasn't the fire bell, right?
261
00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:24,361
Well, how were we supposed to know
that wasn't the fire bell?
262
00:14:24,441 --> 00:14:26,961
- Because it doesn't sound like the fire bell!
- It did!
263
00:14:27,041 --> 00:14:28,201
- It didn't!
- It did!
264
00:14:28,281 --> 00:14:30,521
No, it didn't!
The fire bell's a different...
265
00:14:30,601 --> 00:14:32,801
- It's a semitone higher!
- A semitone?
266
00:14:32,881 --> 00:14:36,361
At least! Anyway, the fire drill
doesn't start till 12:00!
267
00:14:36,441 --> 00:14:38,001
It is 12:00!
268
00:14:38,081 --> 00:14:42,401
Well, it is now, because we've been
standing about arguing about it!
269
00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:46,561
How on earth can you expect us to tell
which bell is which?
270
00:14:46,641 --> 00:14:49,961
- We haven't heard them yet, have we?
- You want to hear them? Suits me.
271
00:14:50,041 --> 00:14:52,241
- Here's the burglar alarm.
- Ought we to catch them first?
272
00:14:52,321 --> 00:14:53,321
(ALARM RINGING)
273
00:14:53,401 --> 00:14:56,201
- There aren't any!
- Then why does the alarm keep going?
274
00:14:56,281 --> 00:14:59,761
- All right? Got that? Right.
- What's happening now?
275
00:14:59,841 --> 00:15:03,761
Now here's the fire bell, right?
It's a completely different sound, listen.
276
00:15:03,841 --> 00:15:05,361
(ALARM RINGING)
277
00:15:08,201 --> 00:15:11,321
- Well, where are you going?
- Well, there is a drill, isn't there?
278
00:15:11,401 --> 00:15:14,961
No, no, no, no, no, don't be...
This is so that you can hear the bell
279
00:15:15,041 --> 00:15:17,321
so you know in a moment
when I ring the bell!
280
00:15:17,401 --> 00:15:19,641
What are you doing? Will you come back?
281
00:15:19,721 --> 00:15:23,081
- We're going outside.
- No, just listen to it, you old fool!
282
00:15:23,161 --> 00:15:25,521
- What?
- Listen to it!
283
00:15:25,601 --> 00:15:29,121
Fire, fire, everybody out please, fire!
Out, out.
284
00:15:29,201 --> 00:15:31,801
- Will you shut up? Will you shut up?
- Is fire.
285
00:15:31,921 --> 00:15:36,161
- Is not fire. Is only bell. Where are you going?
- Upstairs.
286
00:15:36,281 --> 00:15:40,001
There isn't a drill yet,
I'm just showing them what the bell sounds like.
287
00:15:40,081 --> 00:15:42,441
- Now will you go in there? Go help Chef.
- Chef not here.
288
00:15:42,521 --> 00:15:44,281
- Well, go and start the chips.
- Chips?
289
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:47,961
Yes. When bell go again, stay.
No fire, only practice.
290
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:51,841
Tell him, Polly. Thank you, thank you,
ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much.
291
00:15:51,921 --> 00:15:55,481
- Perhaps they're upstairs.
- What's happening now?
292
00:15:55,881 --> 00:15:57,081
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
293
00:15:57,161 --> 00:15:58,721
We're having it!
294
00:15:59,801 --> 00:16:03,561
Now, are we all agreed
on what the fire bell sounds like?
295
00:16:03,641 --> 00:16:05,081
- Yes.
- Splendid.
296
00:16:05,161 --> 00:16:07,321
Well, now that's settled,
we'll have the fire drill,
297
00:16:07,441 --> 00:16:11,761
which will commence in exactly 30 seconds
from now. Thank you so much.
298
00:16:17,441 --> 00:16:19,201
What are you doing?
299
00:16:20,641 --> 00:16:23,481
- I mean, are you just going to stand there?
- Well, what do you suggest?
300
00:16:23,561 --> 00:16:26,281
Couldn't one or two of you go in the bar
and a few in the dining room?
301
00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:28,401
- Use your imagination!
- Why?
302
00:16:28,481 --> 00:16:33,001
- Well, this is supposed to be a fire drill.
- There's only a few seconds.
303
00:16:33,081 --> 00:16:36,401
Right, right. Well, stay where you are
because obviously if there was a fire,
304
00:16:36,481 --> 00:16:39,401
you'd all be standing down here like this
in the lobby, wouldn't you?
305
00:16:39,481 --> 00:16:41,681
I don't know why we bother.
We should let you all burn!
306
00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:47,801
No, no, no. Please. No, no, no, no.
307
00:17:00,761 --> 00:17:02,561
(FIRE ALARM RINGING)
308
00:17:03,561 --> 00:17:07,081
Fuego! Fuego! Fuego! Fuego! Aah!
309
00:17:07,201 --> 00:17:10,241
No, no, there aren't any, Major,
it went off by accident.
310
00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:13,801
- Oh, come on, Angina.
- Oh, thank you, thank you so much.
311
00:17:13,881 --> 00:17:16,681
- Fire! Fire! Fire!
- No!
312
00:17:17,241 --> 00:17:20,401
- Yes! Sí!
- Look, will you get back in there?
313
00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:25,041
Shut up! I mean,
just get on with your work!
314
00:17:25,121 --> 00:17:27,841
- Please, Mr Fawlty, is fire!
- Did you hear what I said?
315
00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:30,801
- No, but is fire.
- Is no fire. Is only bell.
316
00:17:30,881 --> 00:17:32,881
Is fire, is fire, is fire!
317
00:17:35,081 --> 00:17:37,561
(MANUEL BANGING ON DOOR)
318
00:17:37,641 --> 00:17:40,761
- He thinks there's a fire.
- Everybody's out upstairs.
319
00:17:40,841 --> 00:17:43,761
No, Manuel, listen,
de nada, de nada, there is no fire!
320
00:17:43,841 --> 00:17:45,361
MANUEL: Is fire!
321
00:17:45,921 --> 00:17:47,161
Is fire!
322
00:17:47,841 --> 00:17:50,561
Well, that'll keep the fire department
happy for another six months,
323
00:17:50,641 --> 00:17:51,961
- why we bother...
- MANUEL: Fire!
324
00:17:52,041 --> 00:17:53,321
Will you shut up?
325
00:17:55,481 --> 00:17:57,841
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,
you can come back in now.
326
00:18:01,361 --> 00:18:02,361
(MANUEL BANGING ON DOOR)
327
00:18:02,441 --> 00:18:04,801
- Yes, we've just had it.
- Shut up!
328
00:18:04,881 --> 00:18:08,921
Yes, I will.
Have you told Chef about the cheddar?
329
00:18:09,001 --> 00:18:10,721
- Mr Fawlty! Mr Fawlty!
- Yes?
330
00:18:10,801 --> 00:18:14,481
- There's an awful row.
- Yes, I know. Right, right, I'll deal with it.
331
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:18,161
Thank you so much
for poking your nose in where...
332
00:18:20,401 --> 00:18:23,561
- If you don't stop this...
- You save me!
333
00:18:24,121 --> 00:18:26,081
(COUGHING)
334
00:18:27,761 --> 00:18:31,561
Right. Ladies and gentlemen,
could I have everyone down here in the lobby?
335
00:18:31,641 --> 00:18:35,161
Yes, sorry, sorry to disturb you like this,
336
00:18:35,241 --> 00:18:38,761
but there is something
that I think I ought to mention.
337
00:18:38,841 --> 00:18:41,721
I'm not quite sure how this happened,
338
00:18:41,841 --> 00:18:46,601
in fact, it's never happened at this hotel before,
and I'm not quite sure how it's started now.
339
00:18:46,681 --> 00:18:50,401
- What is it?
- Well, the point is, can I put it this way?
340
00:18:52,921 --> 00:18:55,041
- (IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Fire.
- What?
341
00:18:55,121 --> 00:18:57,561
(STUTTERING) Fire. Fire.
342
00:18:57,641 --> 00:18:59,081
- Fire?
- Fire!
343
00:18:59,161 --> 00:19:02,681
- Where?
- There! Fire. Fire!
344
00:19:03,121 --> 00:19:04,681
Fire!
345
00:19:04,801 --> 00:19:09,321
Fire! Fire! Fire! What do we do?
I'll call Sybil!
346
00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:10,681
- Ring the alarm.
- What?
347
00:19:10,761 --> 00:19:12,681
- Ring the alarm.
- Right.
348
00:19:14,881 --> 00:19:17,601
Where's the key?
Where is the... I mean would you believe it?
349
00:19:17,681 --> 00:19:21,001
I mean, would you believe it?
The first time we've ever had a fire here
350
00:19:21,081 --> 00:19:24,041
in this hotel and somebody's lost the key!
351
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,161
I mean isn't that typical of this place?
352
00:19:26,241 --> 00:19:29,481
Oh, thank you, God!
Thank you so bloody much!
353
00:19:30,041 --> 00:19:31,961
- Smash the glass!
- What?
354
00:19:32,041 --> 00:19:33,681
Smash the glass.
355
00:19:41,201 --> 00:19:42,721
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
356
00:19:42,801 --> 00:19:44,241
Hello? Thank you.
357
00:19:44,321 --> 00:19:45,881
(FIRE ALARM RINGING)
358
00:19:45,961 --> 00:19:48,241
Right, right, out the door.
359
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,281
Quick, I remember. Manuel!
360
00:19:57,961 --> 00:19:59,881
Pull, pull, man, pull!
361
00:19:59,961 --> 00:20:01,921
Right, open the door.
362
00:20:19,441 --> 00:20:21,441
(MUTTERING)
363
00:20:37,201 --> 00:20:39,841
Well, thank you for coming to see me.
364
00:20:42,561 --> 00:20:45,641
- Not at all, I was just...
- How are you feeling?
365
00:20:46,001 --> 00:20:47,721
- The fire!
- It's all...
366
00:20:47,801 --> 00:20:49,921
- The fire!
- It's out. There's not much damage.
367
00:20:50,001 --> 00:20:52,681
- Where is it, where are they?
- What are you doing?
368
00:20:52,761 --> 00:20:55,401
- Got to get back.
- Basil, will you get back into bed?
369
00:20:55,481 --> 00:20:56,921
Yes, what is it now?
370
00:20:57,001 --> 00:20:58,801
I'm going to call someone
if you don't get back into bed.
371
00:20:58,881 --> 00:21:02,241
Listen, Sybil, please,
I'll handle this, if you don't mind.
372
00:21:02,321 --> 00:21:04,801
- Now, what sort of a room do you want?
- Basil!
373
00:21:04,881 --> 00:21:08,241
Oh, there you are, I can't stand around
chattering all day, I've got to get back.
374
00:21:08,321 --> 00:21:11,801
Basil, you are not well. The doctor says
you've got concussion. You must rest.
375
00:21:11,881 --> 00:21:14,721
- I'll rest when I get to the hotel.
- I've just spoken to Polly,
376
00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:18,121
- they are managing perfectly well.
- Do you know what that fire extinguisher did?
377
00:21:18,241 --> 00:21:22,721
It exploded in my face.
I mean, what is the point of a fire extinguisher?
378
00:21:22,801 --> 00:21:25,481
It sits there for months,
and when you actually have a fire,
379
00:21:25,561 --> 00:21:28,201
when you actually need the bloody thing,
it blows your head off!
380
00:21:28,281 --> 00:21:29,921
I mean, what is happening to this country?
381
00:21:30,001 --> 00:21:31,321
It's bloody Wilson!
382
00:21:32,441 --> 00:21:33,841
What a lot of noise.
383
00:21:33,921 --> 00:21:37,921
- Now what are you doing out of your bed?
- Going home, thank you so much.
384
00:21:38,041 --> 00:21:40,681
- We'll let the doctor decide that now, shall we?
- No, let's not.
385
00:21:40,801 --> 00:21:43,441
- Now, come along.
- Don't touch me. I don't know where you've been.
386
00:21:43,521 --> 00:21:46,841
Yes, yes, we must have our little jokes,
mustn't we?
387
00:21:46,921 --> 00:21:50,921
Yes, we must, mustn't we?
My God, you're ugly, aren't you?
388
00:21:52,201 --> 00:21:54,361
- Mind-boggling.
- Basil?
389
00:21:54,441 --> 00:21:56,401
- BASIL: Hmm?
- I'll get the doctor.
390
00:21:56,481 --> 00:21:59,921
You need a plastic surgeon,
dear, not a doctor.
391
00:22:00,521 --> 00:22:02,801
How dare you talk to Sister like that.
Get back into bed.
392
00:22:02,881 --> 00:22:05,721
You do not seem to realise
that I am needed at the hotel.
393
00:22:05,841 --> 00:22:08,081
No, you're not.
It's running beautifully without you.
394
00:22:08,161 --> 00:22:09,561
Polly cannot cope!
395
00:22:09,681 --> 00:22:14,161
Well, she can't fall over waiters, or get herself
jammed under desks, or start burglar alarms,
396
00:22:14,281 --> 00:22:17,921
or lock people in burning rooms, or fire
fire extinguishers straight in her own face,
397
00:22:18,041 --> 00:22:20,681
but I'd think the hotel can do without
that sort of coping for a couple of days.
398
00:22:20,761 --> 00:22:22,761
What do you think, Basil, hmm?
399
00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:25,001
- What?
- Oh, hello, Doctor.
400
00:22:25,081 --> 00:22:27,321
- Out of bed, Mr Fawlty?
- Sort of. Oh, there they are.
401
00:22:27,401 --> 00:22:30,881
Well, better get back into bed.
Oh, feel a little bit woozy.
402
00:22:30,961 --> 00:22:34,681
- You will for a time, Mr Fawlty, you will.
- Yes, quite, quite.
403
00:22:35,281 --> 00:22:39,921
You should get as much rest as you can.
As much rest as you can.
404
00:22:40,321 --> 00:22:42,121
As much rest as you can.
405
00:22:42,201 --> 00:22:44,161
(MUMBLING)
406
00:22:58,361 --> 00:22:59,841
(DOOR CLOSING)
407
00:23:04,841 --> 00:23:08,961
Gnädiges Fräulein, können sie mir sagen,
wann das Mittagessen serviert wird, bitte?
408
00:23:09,041 --> 00:23:11,161
Um ein Uhr. Fünf Minuten.
409
00:23:11,241 --> 00:23:13,121
- Vielen Dank.
- Bitte schön.
410
00:23:18,721 --> 00:23:21,001
- Manuel?
- Oh, Mr Fawlty.
411
00:23:21,081 --> 00:23:22,801
- Ah, good evening.
- Are you all right now?
412
00:23:22,881 --> 00:23:25,081
Perfectly, thank you.
Take this to the room, please, dear.
413
00:23:25,161 --> 00:23:29,521
- Are you sure you're all right?
- Perfectly, thank you. Right as rain.
414
00:23:35,241 --> 00:23:37,721
- You okay?
- Fine, thank you, dear.
415
00:23:37,801 --> 00:23:39,681
- You go and have a lie down.
- Qué?
416
00:23:39,761 --> 00:23:41,041
Ah, there you are.
417
00:23:41,161 --> 00:23:44,761
- Will you take my case... How did you get that?
- What?
418
00:23:45,481 --> 00:23:48,321
- Oh, never mind. Take it, take it upstairs.
- Qué?
419
00:23:48,401 --> 00:23:50,761
- Take it, take it.
- I go get Polly.
420
00:23:50,841 --> 00:23:55,561
I've already had one. Take it. Take it now.
God, the people I have to deal with.
421
00:23:56,961 --> 00:23:59,801
- Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
- I beg your pardon?
422
00:24:00,201 --> 00:24:02,481
Entschuldigen Sie bitte.
Können Sie Deutsch sprechen?
423
00:24:03,441 --> 00:24:06,921
- I'm sorry, could you say that again?
- Do you speak German?
424
00:24:07,041 --> 00:24:10,361
Oh, German! I'm sorry.
I thought there was something wrong with you.
425
00:24:10,441 --> 00:24:13,801
Of course. The Germans.
426
00:24:14,081 --> 00:24:16,801
- You speak German?
- Well, a little, I get by.
427
00:24:16,881 --> 00:24:17,881
Ein bisschen.
428
00:24:17,961 --> 00:24:18,961
(SPEAKING IN GERMAN)
429
00:24:20,161 --> 00:24:22,401
- Well, why not?
- Bitte.
430
00:24:22,521 --> 00:24:24,881
- Little bit tricky, would you mind saying it again?
- Please.
431
00:24:24,961 --> 00:24:27,241
Could you repeat, amplify.
432
00:24:27,321 --> 00:24:29,041
- You know, reiterate, yes?
- Wir...
433
00:24:29,121 --> 00:24:30,561
Wir. Yes, we'll come back to that.
434
00:24:30,641 --> 00:24:33,121
- ... wollen...
- "Wollen?" "Voluntary?"
435
00:24:33,201 --> 00:24:35,721
- ... ein Auto mieten.
- "A uto..." "Out to..."
436
00:24:35,801 --> 00:24:39,081
Oh, I see, you're volunteering
to go out to get some meat.
437
00:24:39,161 --> 00:24:42,081
Not necessary. We have meat here.
438
00:24:43,641 --> 00:24:46,601
(IN GERMAN ACCENT) We have
meat here in the building.
439
00:24:47,961 --> 00:24:49,841
(MOOING)
440
00:24:52,881 --> 00:24:56,161
- Ah, Polly, just explaining about the meat.
- We weren't expecting you.
441
00:24:56,241 --> 00:24:58,921
Oh, weren't you?
They're Germans, don't mention the war.
442
00:24:59,001 --> 00:25:00,481
I see.
443
00:25:00,601 --> 00:25:04,361
Well, Mrs Fawlty said you were going to have
a rest for a couple of days, in the hospital.
444
00:25:04,481 --> 00:25:08,921
Idle hands get in the way of the devil's work,
Fawlty. Now...
445
00:25:09,001 --> 00:25:11,481
Right. Why don't you go have a lie down?
And I can deal with this.
446
00:25:11,561 --> 00:25:15,281
Yes, yes, good idea. Good idea, Elsie.
Yes, bit of a headache actually.
447
00:25:15,361 --> 00:25:17,401
We don't think you're well, Mr Fawlty.
448
00:25:17,481 --> 00:25:19,881
Well, perhaps not,
but I'll live longer than you.
449
00:25:20,841 --> 00:25:22,881
You must have hurt yourself.
450
00:25:22,961 --> 00:25:25,841
My dear woman, a blow on the
head, like that...
451
00:25:27,321 --> 00:25:28,721
is worth two in the bush.
452
00:25:28,801 --> 00:25:33,401
- Oh, we know, but it was a nasty knock.
- Would you like one?
453
00:25:33,481 --> 00:25:35,161
Next please.
454
00:25:35,241 --> 00:25:38,041
- Polly, are these Germans, too?
- Oh, yes, but I can deal with it.
455
00:25:38,121 --> 00:25:39,641
Right, right. Here's the plan:
456
00:25:39,761 --> 00:25:44,401
I'll stand there and ask them if they
want something to drink before the war.
457
00:25:44,481 --> 00:25:46,281
Before their lunch!
458
00:25:46,361 --> 00:25:48,921
Before their lunch. Don't mention the war.
459
00:25:51,921 --> 00:25:53,241
Ja, ja.
460
00:26:01,761 --> 00:26:03,401
Can we help you?
461
00:26:05,881 --> 00:26:07,921
- Oh, you speak English?
- Of course.
462
00:26:08,001 --> 00:26:10,681
Ah, wonderful! Wunderbar! Ah.
463
00:26:10,761 --> 00:26:15,001
Please allow me to introduce myself.
I am the owner of Fawlty Towers,
464
00:26:15,081 --> 00:26:19,241
and may I welcome your war...you war...
you all, you all,
465
00:26:20,081 --> 00:26:22,921
and hope that your stay
will be a happy one.
466
00:26:23,001 --> 00:26:27,201
Now, would you like to eat first
or would you like a drink before the war?
467
00:26:27,281 --> 00:26:31,441
That trespassers will be
tied up with piano wire.
468
00:26:31,521 --> 00:26:36,601
Sorry, sorry, trouble with the old leg.
Got a touch of shrapnel in the war.
469
00:26:36,681 --> 00:26:39,561
Korean! Korean war! Sorry, Korean.
470
00:26:40,121 --> 00:26:43,081
- Thank you. We will eat now.
- Oh, good, please, do allow me.
471
00:26:43,201 --> 00:26:47,641
May I say how pleased we are to have some
Europeans here now that we are on the continent?
472
00:26:47,721 --> 00:26:49,721
Can I speak to Dr Fin, please?
473
00:26:49,921 --> 00:26:52,201
I didn't vote for it myself, quite honestly,
but now that we're in,
474
00:26:52,281 --> 00:26:55,161
I'm determined to make it work,
so I'd like to welcome you all to Britain.
475
00:26:55,281 --> 00:26:58,201
The plaice is grilled, but that doesn't matter,
there's life in the old thing yet.
476
00:26:58,281 --> 00:26:59,681
Wait a moment, got a bit confused there.
477
00:26:59,761 --> 00:27:01,121
Oh, yes, the plaice is grilled...
478
00:27:01,241 --> 00:27:04,081
In fact, the whole room's a bit warm, isn't it?
I'll open a window, have a look.
479
00:27:04,161 --> 00:27:06,881
And the veal chop is done with rosemary.
480
00:27:07,281 --> 00:27:09,401
That's funny,
I thought she'd gone to Canada.
481
00:27:09,481 --> 00:27:14,001
And is delicious and nutritious,
in fact, it's veally good.
482
00:27:14,081 --> 00:27:16,881
- Veally good, ha ha!
- The veal is good?
483
00:27:16,961 --> 00:27:18,721
Yes, doesn't matter, never mind.
484
00:27:18,841 --> 00:27:22,721
- May we have two eggs mayonnaises, please?
- Certainly. Why not? Why not, indeed?
485
00:27:22,801 --> 00:27:25,121
- We are all friends now, eh?
- A prawn cocktail.
486
00:27:25,241 --> 00:27:30,121
All in the market together, old differences
forgotten, and no need at all to mention the war.
487
00:27:30,201 --> 00:27:33,241
- Sorry, sorry, sorry, what was it again?
- The prawn cocktail.
488
00:27:33,321 --> 00:27:36,721
Prawn, that was it. When you said prawn,
I thought you said war.
489
00:27:36,801 --> 00:27:41,281
Oh, the war! Oh, yes, completely slipped
my mind, yes, I'd forgotten all about it.
490
00:27:41,401 --> 00:27:46,121
Hitler, Himmler and all that lot.
Yes, completely forgotten it, just like that.
491
00:27:46,881 --> 00:27:49,321
- Sorry, what was it again?
- A prawn cocktail!
492
00:27:49,441 --> 00:27:53,961
Oh, yes, Eva Prawn, yes, and Goebbels, too,
another one I can hardly remember.
493
00:27:54,041 --> 00:27:55,521
And a pickled herring.
494
00:27:55,641 --> 00:27:59,161
Hermann Goering, yes, yes.
And Von Ribbentrop, that was another one.
495
00:27:59,281 --> 00:28:03,721
- And four cold meat salads, please.
- Certainly, I'll just get your hors d'oeuvres.
496
00:28:03,841 --> 00:28:08,961
Hors d'oeuvres which must be obeyed at all times
without question. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
497
00:28:09,041 --> 00:28:11,361
Mr Fawlty, would you please call
your wife immediately?
498
00:28:11,441 --> 00:28:14,641
Sybil! Sybil.
She's in the hospital, you silly girl.
499
00:28:14,721 --> 00:28:17,201
- Yes, call her there.
- I can't, I've got too much to do.
500
00:28:17,281 --> 00:28:18,721
Listen, don't mention the war.
501
00:28:18,801 --> 00:28:21,801
I mentioned it once,
but I think I got away with it all right.
502
00:28:21,881 --> 00:28:25,161
So, it's all forgotten now
and let's hear no more about it.
503
00:28:25,281 --> 00:28:30,721
So, two eggs mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels,
a Hermann Goering, and four Colditz salads.
504
00:28:31,161 --> 00:28:32,841
Wait a moment, I got a bit confused here.
505
00:28:32,961 --> 00:28:35,641
I got a bit confused
'cause everyone keeps mentioning the war.
506
00:28:35,721 --> 00:28:37,481
So, could you... What's the matter?
507
00:28:37,561 --> 00:28:40,161
- It's all right.
- Is there something wrong?
508
00:28:40,241 --> 00:28:41,801
Will you stop talking about the war?
509
00:28:41,881 --> 00:28:44,801
- Me? You started it!
- We did not start it.
510
00:28:44,881 --> 00:28:47,961
Yes, you did, you invaded Poland.
511
00:28:48,041 --> 00:28:50,801
Here, blow, here, this'll cheer you up.
You'll like this one:
512
00:28:50,921 --> 00:28:54,321
There's this woman, she's completely stupid,
she can never remember anything,
513
00:28:54,401 --> 00:28:58,561
and her husband's in a bomber
over Berlin. Oh, sorry.
514
00:28:58,681 --> 00:29:01,001
She'll love this one, she'll laugh.
515
00:29:01,081 --> 00:29:02,801
- Leave her alone.
- No, this is a scream.
516
00:29:02,921 --> 00:29:05,241
- I have never seen anyone not laugh at this.
- Go away!
517
00:29:05,321 --> 00:29:07,681
Look, she'll love it, she's German.
518
00:29:08,441 --> 00:29:10,041
- No, Mr Fawlty!
- What?
519
00:29:10,121 --> 00:29:12,041
- Do Jimmy Cagney instead.
- What?
520
00:29:12,121 --> 00:29:13,921
- Jimmy Cagney.
- Jimmy Cagney?
521
00:29:14,001 --> 00:29:15,721
You know, "You dirty rat."
522
00:29:15,801 --> 00:29:18,761
- I can't do Jimmy Cagney.
- Please try. "I'm going to get you."
523
00:29:18,841 --> 00:29:21,921
Shut up. Here, watch. Who's this then?
524
00:29:22,321 --> 00:29:24,361
(SPEAKING FAKE GERMAN)
525
00:29:26,241 --> 00:29:28,401
I'll do the funny walk.
526
00:29:35,761 --> 00:29:37,241
- GERMAN MAN: Stop it!
- What?
527
00:29:37,361 --> 00:29:41,481
- GERMAN MAN: Stop it!
- I'm trying to cheer her up, you stupid Kraut!
528
00:29:41,561 --> 00:29:44,841
- It's not funny for her!
- Not funny?
529
00:29:45,001 --> 00:29:48,921
- Not funny? You're joking!
- It's not funny for her, not for us,
530
00:29:49,041 --> 00:29:53,521
- not for any German people.
- You have absolutely no sense of humour, do you?
531
00:29:53,601 --> 00:29:55,321
This is not funny!
532
00:29:55,401 --> 00:29:57,801
Who won the bloody war anyway?
533
00:29:58,401 --> 00:30:01,681
- Mr Fawlty, you'll be all right, come with me.
- Fine.
534
00:30:22,921 --> 00:30:27,721
- MANUEL: Oh, he hit me on the head!
- No, you hit him on the head.
535
00:30:28,161 --> 00:30:29,841
You naughty moose!
536
00:30:31,361 --> 00:30:32,761
However did they win?
46504
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