Original subtitles

Ministry of Culture and the Art of Ukraine

And the Film Service of the ministry of Culture of RF

present

Georgy Deliev

Alla Demidova

Renata Litvinova

Nina Ruslanova

in the film

Piano Tuner

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You don't happen to be waiting for me?

Could be.

- I'm Lyuba. - Nice to meet you.

Please, sit down.

Wonderful weather today.

Strange.

What is?

I find your behaviour rather strange.

- Why? - It was you who placed the ad.

Yet you force the woman to start

the conversation.

I'm sorry.

You see, I'm absent-minded by nature. Once I engross in thought,

or in reading, I forget about the world.

I'm sorry.

Forgive me.

You are extremely handsome. Are you aware of that?

You have this genuine Russian kind of beauty.

- It's good. - I'm Georgian.

- Beauty is good. - You've convinced me.

And what do you think of me?

I know you saw my photos. But how do you like the real me?

- I find you very attractive. - Really?

Are you being sincere?

It's a good deal, interesting and profitable.

I can't tell you everything now - out of superstition.

And I will need some financial support.

I have to gather the necessary papers, but I'm out of money.

The deal is worth it. It'll be a shame to waste the chance.

- How large is the sum? - It's peanuts really.

If you bear in view the prospects. I made some arrangements.

I wouldn't want to blow it.

- How much? - 300-400.

- I could lend it to you. - No!

- We don't know each other so well. - No, wait.

Through our correspondence I formed an opinion of you.

For now I think

that you are a somewhat strange but decent person.

And I also think life was rough on you.

How long do you need it for? 2 weeks? 2 weeks is fine with me.

Well, all right.

Take it and count it.

- I'm much obliged. - Count it.

You need medicine? I met this character.

He can get anything. A burning deal to Istanbul.

Non-ferrous metals.

- Where to now? - Home.

I'd give you a lift, but my car is no good.

- Something went out of order. - Don't worry.

I'll walk, it's not far. 13 Sevastopolskaya St...

Up in the penthouse. Warehouse of the theatre workshop.

So far they let me stay there out of pity.

- What is this here? Pardon me. - Knitting.

My favorite color. It will be a scarf, English Type rubber?

- I wish. - So what's the problem?

Here, let me show you.

- Careful not to let it loose. - Don't worry, I won't.

This is the first stitch. You simply slip it.

You don't work it, you slip it.

Let's see now. We work 2 loops.

One loop, then yarn over, then slip 2 loops.

- Now work through? - Work one loop, yarn over, and bind off.

2 loops... Then work.

1 loop, then yarn over, then slip 1.

Work 2,

work 1, yarn over, slip.

Work 2, and work even.

Here, now go for it, young lady.

Lena, I know nothing about it, but Lyuba gets nervous.

She says the sound is wrong, and a key is leaping.

She is not a professional, but she loves playing the piano.

And I love to listen to her playing.

Because, even though she is a doctor...

- I must be distracting you. - No, not at all.

- Can I help you, young man? - Thank you, I'm just looking.

Anna Sergeevna, I can call my friends from the conservatory,

And get back to you. But as far as I know,

every pianist has his own tuner.

Your lady friend must have one too.

She had one, but he died 6 months ago.

There's another one, but Lyuba doesn't want to see him.

I don't know why. I think it's something personal.

I placed an ad in a newspaper, but do ask your friends.

All right.

They're relieving me today, I'll be staying home the next week.

Thank you, Lena. Yes, I haven't forgotten about your vet doctor.

You haven't forgotten!

He was away on vacation, but will be back tomorrow.

We'll castrate your cat out of humaneness.

The animal needn't suffer. Do you remember my phone number?

Remind me, just in case.

- 996... - 8-4-5.

8-4-5, that's it. There's your cheese.

It's 8.45. Anna Sergeevna,

look, what a coincidence:

The cheese costs 8.45 -

same as the last 3 digits of your phone number.

Consider that the tuner is a settled issue.

I believe in coincidence.

Yes. Thank you and good by. Have a good rest.

It's outrageous! They sell opened bottles.

If you please.

Raise your arms, please.

Shall I take off my trousers too?

There are gruesome things in life people prefer not to talk about.

They are always unwelcome. For instance, death,

smell of old age, smell of old people's dwelling.

Yes, smell of old people's dwelling...

Chechnya, sick animals.

It's impossible to cross that barrier and get closer.

But we have already crossed it. I beg your pardon.

Cashier, we're out of mutton!

Good day, Maria Ivanovna.

Your breakfast, madam!

The mirror.

Give me the mirror.

- You reading papers? - I need to check something out.

What were you reading at night?

- Stories. - Tell me.

I read about this woman.

Woman-Pope.

There was an Italian hit 'Mama Roma'. Neorealism.

- Don't remember the director. - It's not a film.

You know the Pope. And this was a Popess.

A woman became the Pope.

Only a few chosen were let in on the whole thing.

She hid everything under her fluffy garb.

But then some dude made her pregnant,

and she started to give birth during a ceremony.

Can you believe it?

The choral service, cardinals -

and in the middle of all this she's giving birth.

Interesting, isn't it? Are you asleep?

The Pope had given birth.

Those are unproved facts. No one knows for sure.

- I see. An Apocrypha. - Something like that.

Listen, how's our budget?

Not too good. Why?

I need to pay the fitness club.

I already fixed it. Look, I've become fat as a cow.

And if I quit smoking, it'll be a catastrophe.

Besides I want to take up German.

German?

Yes, why does that surprise you? It's a beautiful language.

And I've been wanting to for a long time.

I heard a song in German on the radio the other day.

And now I want it even more than before.

That happens. It's good to know a foreign language.

This must be it. That's right.

Last numbers: 8-4-5.

What is it?

Nothing. Just an ad. A little job on the side.

You make things roll. Good for you.

I think I'll live with you for a while longer.

Yes. It's me again.

An interesting fact.

Yes. My ex-husband is buried at the 3rd cemetery.

I have a nice 2-room apartment in the downtown area.

And I can't swap this wonderful apartment of mine

for one closer to the cemetery, to my ex.

I'd be willing to take a single-room flat.

I consulted several real estate agents.

No, no one. Strange fact.

Who are you talking to?

Yes, such an unusual situation.

I weighed it all thoroughly.

It's a practical joke.

- Who are you talking to? - Wait!

Seriously...

I decided to leave Andrei, and buy an apartment for myself.

- Who are you talking to? - What?

Yes. Especially so that he

wants to move in with his ex-wife in her 1-room apartment...

And I don't have the money, And he doesn't have the money.

What?

Imagine?

Such an interesting combination.

A very strange story.

Who were you talking to?

No one. I was talking to myself. It was a joke.

I'll live with you for some time longer.

You know my mother doesn't like Jews, half-Jews, quarter-Jews.

She thinks I marry non-Russians especially to spite her.

In part she is right.

I do it subconsciously. I hate my childhood.

You don't love your mother, and I do love my mom and dad.

And they love me. These are the Shah of Iran and princess Soreyah.

The Shah is so cute! Don't you think he looks a bit like me?

Not Armenian, not Georgian. Perhaps a Jew? Mother's mirror.

Oh, my god.

I'll live with you

for a while longer.

I'll live with you for a while longer.

You are good.

I'll live with you for a while longer.

Hello, is this...

996-845?

Do you still need a tuner?

Who are you talking to?

Of course I do. What instrument?

A Zimmermann! Wonderful. A piano or a grand piano?

A piano. Very well. No, the color doesn't matter.

What time would be suitable for you?

Give me the address, please. One moment, I'll write it down.

All right.

Thank you. See you soon.

Who is this Zinner? Zimmermann?

Zimmermann is a German fellow. Uli Henrich Zimmermann.

- Are you fixing me up? - Could be.

It's cold.

I'm off to the club.

Don't use the main entrance, we don't want them to see you.

Give it to me.

Brilliant!

- He�s been bruised by life. - You see anyone who wouldn't be?

True.

You didn't give him money, did you?

Anna Sergeevna, why should I?

All right. What does he look like?

Tall, rather well-preserved for his age.

You may say, quite handsome. Sad eyes.

Mikki, it doesn't hurt.

Stop faking it.

Well, with God's help. But Lyuba, be careful.

Watch out for rascals.

Lyuba, do me a favor, open the door. Or shall I get up again?

No, don't. You need to lie for a while after the injection.

Hello. Does patient Zimmermann live here?

- What patient? - Uli Henrich Zimmermann.

I'm sorry, I'm the piano tuner.

Anna Sergeevna, the tuner is here!

Please follow me.

Anna Sergeevna!

Anna Sergeevna! It's the tuner!

Lyuba, why all the yelling! I'm not deaf yet.

Hello. I'm Andrei.

Hello. My name is Anna Sergeevna.

And this is my friend Lyuba.

Nice to meet you... Lyuba.

And this is my dog, Mikki.

Forgive me, I won't show affection. After my own dog

died, I can't bare to look at other people's dogs.

Wonderful instrument, and in good condition.

Only one damper is leaping slightly.

And H in the 2 octave is a bit... It's been like that for a few days.

- You hear? - Yes.

Just a little.

I'll show you.

- See? - Lyuba, that's enough. The man is...

It seems to be OK right now, it was worse earlier.

- That's enough, Lyuba. - I know, but...

It's a good sign. A mouse!

It's a she-mouse. A young one. Must be thirsty.

You should be afraid of people!

How awful!

- Calm down. - A piece of cloth.

Lyuba, get him a duster.

Did you study at the conservatory?

That's right. One moment. I'm sorry.

Sorry, it's a client.

I'll be there soon.

Yes, soon.

Bye. I'm sorry.

It's OK. So, Andrei, did you study at the conservatory?

That's quite right, my lady! However I'm on a very

protracted sabbatical leave. The poor student

has to earn his daily bread somehow.

Oh, my God.

I didn't join the club after all.

I hated it there. Everyone�s so sweaty.

So I say to her:

I don't see myself in this corpse de ballet.

And she says to me: 'Oh, really? '

And I say to her:

Do you have anything less energetic?

And she shrugs her shoulders and says: 'I don't know! '

And then I say:

Do you have anything less jolly and more efficient?

And she says: 'Go and join a chess club.'

And I say: 'I'll think about it.'

I was starving, so I went to grab a bite at this cafe.

And out of greed I ordered too much, it seems. I was starved.

Can you come and help me finish it? What a shame.

I think I just saw someone whom I can treat to all this food.

Yes, I did have a little drink. And I'm tipsy, yes.

All right, chiao. I will. Come here.

Woman, come up here.

Come here.

Yes, you.

You, come here.

Yes. Here!

Come here.

Come here!

Come here, you!

Yes, I'm talking to you!

Woman, will you come up here?

Go on!

Come! Come here!

Here! Here!

Sit.

You hungry? Are you hungry?

My mom and sister were killed in a car crash.

And my dad's an alcoholic.

- Alcoholic? - Doesn't get out of hospitals.

- I'm sorry. - That is, if he's still alive.

We're so sorry.

It's all right, such is life.

Besides, that happened very long ago.

It must be difficult to live alone?

Show me one person who'd live an easy life nowadays.

You're right.

Pardon me,

as I understand it,

you are alone too.

Yes. My husband died, and God didn't give us any children.

- You've been a widow long? - It's been more than 8 years.

So sad, such sad stories.

Really very-very sad and mournful.

That's enough.

- I love stories in minor key. - And I love...

- He bit me! - What can I do now?

Mikki bit me! Mikki! You'll be given a spanking!

That's enough.

- With this thing. - Lyuba, stop it.

I can't tell you how I love stories in minor key.

I love both - minor and major keys.

Lyuba, stop it, will you!

The minor key is more in harmony with my character.

I agree with you.

Even though I try to think positive.

I've arms & legs, the rest is a matter of time.

You are quite right. People complain too much.

By the way, are you planning on getting married?

To Lyuba?

There is one good match.

Only her parents are very well-off. They suspect

everyone of hankering after their money.

They're impossible to convince it�s not the case.

Yes. The stratification of society nowadays is terrible.

Luyba! Darling, keep Andrei company, see if he needs anything.

I'll make a snack in the kitchen.

Mikki, let's go make some sandwiches.

My guess is that you graduated from the conservatory?

That's right, madam.

But I'm on a rather protracted sabbatical leave.

I see. Sabbatical. Tell me about your parents.

I already did tell you.

Oh, yes. What a sad story. Yes, I'm coming!

Anna Sergeevna!

What?

In general I have nothing against Jews.

He's good-looking, even though not quite Russian.

Could he be Chechen? Or Armenian?

- Why did you leave the room? - I'll help.

He's in the room alone, and we don't even know the man!

I'll do everything myself. Go!

Mikki, sweetie!

I wasn't yelling at you.

What is it, boy?

You want some cheese? No, baby. Cheese is not good for you.

An Uzbek!

Anna Sergeevna! He's an Uzbek!

You hungry? Here.

Eat, eat.

Leave now!

Leave.

Eat, eat.

Eat.

I'll leave some ice-cream for you. You're not squeamish?

Drink.

Woman!

Woman, are you deaf?

You're deaf, right?

Then I need to speak more distinctly.

Don't be afraid, eat.

I'll wait. You eat.

In ancient times they caught

your likes when they needed to make human sacrifice.

They caught homeless vagrants like you.

Then they stopped wasting their own people.

But that was much later, during the transitional period,

when they already started having doubts

as to whether they were doing the right thing.

What? Why are you sighing?

Don't sigh.

What?

There's a blue stripe here, a blue stripe.

And a blue stripe here.

And another blue stripe here. I like that.

It's beautiful.

Great, so you're color-blind too.

Great.

Drink up.

Sit down, Andrei, join us for a snack.

- Tea? Coffee? - Coffee. I tuned it.

But I need to fix the damper and...

I will have to bother you again.

It's not a bother at all!

Come again, you played so beautifully with Lyuba.

Thank you.

Of course, you may find our company boring.

You, Lyuba and Zimmermann. What can be better?

Looking for a prize?

Yes. I mail them all the labels. You never know.

You may get lucky and win a trip abroad or a present.

Yes, I won a set of cups the other day.

But I didn't go to collect them.

The place is in the back of some boondocks.

You should have. It is these little things that brighten up our life.

- You must have thrown away the lid? - No, no.

Lyuba, there must be a bottle near the table someplace.

- What table? - In the kitchen.

It's a green bottle. Bring it here.

Just a moment.

Anna Sergeevna, I have to go. I'm sorry.

- Of course, Andrei. - I've got a client.

Come again, I'll be happy to see you.

Thank you, thank you so much. Careful, watch your step.

There is a step here. Here, this is for your work.

You did it well, we delayed you. Don't argue.

- But that's way too much. - Don't be stubborn, Andrei.

Thank you. As they say,'let the generous hand always be full'.

That was precisely my intention.

Why do you think she offered you snacks? Out of sheer egotism.

So that there always be abundance in this house. Here is the bottle cap.

- What do you mean? - I mean, so the fridge is always full.

My God!

Good bye. I'll bring you the cups. All the best.

Good bye, come again.

- Charming young man. - Indeed.

Did you notice his touch?

Delicate, yet sure.

His hand doesn't hit the keys, it seems to drown in them.

That's how they wrote about Mozart.

I don't know, his speech seems a bit outdated.

'My lady', 'madam'. As though I were 100 years old.

Aren't you 100 years old?

- A little younger. - Yes, 99 and a half.

The old broad is rich.

Bronze pieces, old furniture,

marble, chinaware, antique stuff.

I don't know much about these things, but enough to tell.

Help me put lipstick on. I forgot my mirror.

- Does she have any children? - No, she lives all alone.

Maybe I should ask her to adopt me? I think she liked me.

Maybe you should just kill her?

Just kill her. As simple as that.

We can work out a plan.

Why didn't I think about that! But how?

Cut her throat? Strangle her with a rope? Throw her off the balcony?

- No children. - No children.

- No children. - No children. So what?

- No children. - Diamonds, paintings.

Must be a lot of money there. No children.

- How old is she? - Don't know. Around 60. Why?

How many abortions do you think she had?

What kind of a question is that? How do I know?

I'm 32. I made 3 with you. And with the others...

I'm not interested!

I'm not trying to get you interested. It's about that woman.

I think she must have killed around 30 people.

I don't know. Maybe she took contraceptives.

I know. She had to kill 20 at least.

What are you saying?

The Hand of God. You know what that is?

No, I don't.

You will. Everyone learns about that sooner or later.

Hello.

I've come about the prize.

That's right.

I said, I've come to collect my cups.

I thought he was your guy.

No, that's not him.

No, I'm not him! What about my cups?

- What is it you want? - I want my cups.

Listen, maybe he's your other guy?

No, it's not him either.

- What do you want? - Just my cups, that's all.

- Why didn't you say so in the first place? - I did!

There, your cups.

I don't like these.

Oh, really?

Which ones do you like? Maybe we can offer something.

- I don't like any. - That�s quite interesting!

You think that�s interesting?

- What if I do? - I'll take the cups and get out of here.

So get out! Don't be a nuisance for us and for yourself, got it?

There're some more over there.

Thank you.

I want those.

- These? - No, those.

All right. A complete set?

Yes. How many are there?

- 6. - I'll take them.

You know how much they are?

Approximately.

This one's cracked.

- It can't be! - But it is.

Kuzya. Kuzya.

Kuzya, don't come in here. You know you shouldn�t.

I'm sorry.

Eat, Kuzya.

You can't come in here.

You know that.

Bon appetit, Kuzya-the-dog. How's life?

Kuzya. Does that stand for Kuzma?

I read that a dog distinguishes 50 thousand different smells.

And it made me think:

How on earth did they figure that out?

Did they break into a dog's mind?

If the dogs can distinguish that many smells,

how can they live with us?

Just think how people stink!

They reek of yesterday's booze, tobacco,

perfume and lots of other things. What do you think?

Children don't smell nice either.

But their mothers love them, and kiss them everywhere.

That means they find that unpleasant smell pleasant.

That was not my point! See, this dog is grown-up,

around 50. But if a drunk picks him up in the street,

the dog'll come to love him. Question is: Why?

There, this one's OK. Anything else?

Thank you. I want to know: How can they love and tolerate us?

The answer is contained in your question. They love and tolerate.

- Isn't it one and the same thing? - I don't know. Maybe.

Love and tolerance. Indulgence.

That's why they call brothels 'indulgence homes'.

- Young man. - My name is Andrei.

Very well, Andrei, you've paid for your cups.

Thank you for your purchase and good-bye.

Good-bye.

Don't worry, I'm not with the tax police.

Kuzya.

What people are you talking about?

- What? - What people?

What do you mean?

'What people? ' How am I supposed to know that.

I am asking you, you are asking me.

Stop confusing me. What people are you talking about?

These people!

God.

Oh, the divine one! I've come to the meeting place 10 minutes late,

and the mistress of my heart was not there.

Lyuba, wait, I'll see what's going on downstairs.

What can I say?

By Italian standards I have a bass-cantanto,

or tembral bass. I have no problems with

either the low or the high register.

You need to work a lot.

And some don't work. Even soloists.

I laugh at them: Some soloists!

To produce a decent sound

some have to open their mouth this wide.

Others are afraid to open their mouth, and when

they do, they sound like a carp, when it bites.

Lyuba!

Anna Sergeevna.

Anna Sergeevna, please, we're waiting for you.

Beautiful!

Burning ashes Of a passion long gone.

But a ray of your eyes Strikes like a lightning.

No strength to resist it, I'm in your power.

I love you, I love you.

I love you, And I'll be forever yours.

Why in plural?

Why 'people'?

If you're talking about that shabby type, use singular form.

Yes, I am talking about that shabby individual.

How could he pretend to be someone else?

He meets a woman, double-crosses her, takes away her money.

You yourself offered him money!

How many times did I tell you that the world is full of rascals.

But you wouldn't listen! Now learn your lesson!

You want to stay?

I waited for a week.

I thought he was very busy, but that he will call soon.

Then I lost patience and called him myself.

I didn't know where to look for him.

I trusted him and my own intuition so much

that I didn't even ask him to show his passport.

Then I get this letter, saying

that we never even met.

I read it and nearly fainted.

I made such a fool of myself.

It had been a totally different man sitting on that bench.

Yes, I was a fool.

I couldn't understand why he acted so strange.

I was stupid, I came half an hour early.

And seduced an innocent man.

Stupid.

Lyuba, want me to bring you tea? You sit here with Mikki.

Mikki, sit!

Guard Lyuba, the stupid idiot. I'll be right back.

Wait.

You know, these cups you're drinking from -

Andrei won them in a lottery.

Oh, for God's sake! I only brought them!

No, no.

There is a kind of music, that scares you.

Oh yeah, sure as hell.

Concert symphony by Wolfgang Mozart.

- There is no such symphony. - For violin and viola.

- No! - Andante.

- Want me to play it? - Yes.

But please don't threaten us.

I warn you, my dog passed away to that music. How is she?

Terrible. Crying. I feel a mixture of pity and anger for her.

Terrible. Bon appetit.

- Was it good? - Very.

It is instant soup. I'm a bad cook.

Present from Paris. Onion soup, contains lots of calories.

Andrei, these are musicians. They have nowhere to rehearse.

- Go ahead, rehearse, please. - Thank you.

Andrei, can you imagine? The simplest situation.

She came half an hour early.

- Where? - On a date.

There was an attractive young man sitting on a bench,

reading the agreed paper.

But it was someone else, just a passer-by!

He swindled her!

And she thinks she seduced him.

- Funny. - The letter.

It's from the man who was supposed to come on that date,

but who was late. The fool!

Oh, the divine one! Are you laughing at me?

I came as was agreed, though 10 minutes late.

But, alas, the mistress of my heart was not there.

Never trust women. They are frivolous

and unreliable. From your letter I see

that your heart had been stolen by some Romeo.

- Maybe I should talk to her? - Go ahead, Romeo.

Listen, Lyuba.

Yes, I do want to get married. I dream of getting married.

You think I'm stupid?

Not at all stupid, just overly temperamental.

- Was that sincere? - Absolutely.

Only you have to be more careful in the future.

You know, I want to trust people so much.

What gets me is the total inability

to tell the truth from a lie. Not so much the lie itself,

but the absence of any visible distinction

in the person's behaviour.

A spanish consul had a cat. And this cat was a flaneur

and adventurer. Could loaf about for a week.

The consul loved him.

Once when the cat was out partying, the consul was replaced

by a new one, and he left home to Andalusia

The new consul unpacked, made himself at home,

and then the cat showed up - worn out and hungry.

He screams and demands attention, and the consul is at a loss.

This is the Shah of Iran and Princess Soreyah.

Well isn't the Shah cute! Don't you think he looks like me?

Not Armenian, not Georgian, not a Jew. Or is he?

Thank God, it's not misfortune yet, but only bad luck.

A slightly dragged out period of bad luck.

Now imagine a single young man,

middle-aged, who had been almost an orphan long enough.

He had to do everything himself and rely entirely on himself.

He is poor and lonely, but proud, industrious and full of hopes.

One day, when visiting a well-off family,

He meets an enchanting creature

and falls head over heels in love, then notices suddenly

that the creature returns his love.

Everything seems so wonderful.

One day, when tuning her parents' piano,

he tells her of his feelings.

He even kisses her to the sounds of Chopin's nocturne.

And then the revelation: No one needs him except her -

with his pride and industry -

especially her parents.

To them he is a nobody, a worthless little musician.

They hint to him that he is unwanted,

and forbid him to set foot in the house and see her again.

He is an outcast.

But he can't live without her.

Feverishly he rushes about between the joy of true love

and the anguish of the inability to be with her.

He knows there's nothing he can confront

the enemy forces with, except his love,

And that he will never come out the winner.

Life looses all meaning,

and with each passing day he gets more convinced

that there's only one thing left to do:

Get it over and done with.

Because there is no hope,

and the anguish becomes unbearable.

Because...

- Andrei... - Why did I get attached to her?

- Claire! - Don't.

Her mother took her away to France.

Take the handkerchief. It's new and clean. Andrei, don't.

Please, Andrei. It's going to be all right.

Anna Sergeevna! Andrei, please don't!

Anna Segeevna!

Andrei, dear! Here, drink this.

- It's all right. - Andrei, take a sip.

Take a sip, and you'll feel better.

- There, that's better. - I'm fine, thank you.

Perhaps I need to call a tuner myself.

Andrei, you know, everyone needs a tuner.

Especially my poor Mikki.

Listen, Andrei, I've been thinking.

I've always wanted to ask you, but couldn't make myself do it.

You like games of chance.

Here, why don't you write down the numbers...

...of my bonds. - No problem.

I don't know what they're called. Certificates? You must know.

Perhaps you will find a paper with the drawings.

Please do this for me, I am so forgetful lately.

And Lyuba with her absent-mindedness is of no use.

Of course, I'll do that.

I copied the numbers several times,

but each time I lost them. Would you do me this little favor?

Lyuba, put that away. I'll open it.

Fold it neatly.

Series: 13771,

ticket: 22.

- You need help? - Thank you.

Thank you, Lyuba.

I've come about the census. I'm an agent. May I come in?

But they were here already.

There was a fire, and all the papers were destroyed.

Now we have to do it all over again. Is this your scythe?

No, our neighbour Gennady Vassilyevich keeps goats.

- May I come in? - Yes, please.

Come in.

You can sit over there.

Thank you.

I copied the numbers. Anna Sergeevna!

That must be your son?

- No, he's not. Why did you... - Your passport, please.

I'll be right back. Andrei, make yourself some tea.

- Is there a phone here? - What for?

When she comes back, call me. Dial my number.

Here's my passport.

Can you tell me, why is it that I got scared when I saw you?

I don't know.

Oh, my God.

Strange.

One moment, please.

This is confidential. Is there a place I can talk in private?

Yes, you can use that room.

Thank you.

I'll be back in a minute.

Strange woman.

Hello. Who is that?

I can't hear you.

- Who is that? - She's so strange.

Didn't even say hello to me.

I'm not at home at the moment.

Do you understand?

I find this very suitable.

Amazing.

I just thought, you...

But you have to understand me too. You know I...

You know I am very...

attracted to you too.

Do you understand?

I know you do. I will call you later, darling.

- Anna Sergeevna, do you like this one? - Please!

- He's unbelievable! - That's all you can think of.

I think it's great.

- No. - This one's even better.

I'll be there soon.

Yes, my love.

Everything will be fine. I'll call you later,

so that you wouldn't worry. A lot has happened, you know.

And I will...

Later...

I'll get it later. Make yourself some porridge or something.

Bye, can't talk any more.

Who are you, if you're not her son? Maybe I should register you?

I'm a tuner.

Tuner? What do you tune?

Grand pianos, pianos.

By the way, my husband is a famous pianist.

- Andrei. - His name is also Andrei.

Namesakes too, what a strange coincidence.

I'm Lina.

- Andrei. - Lina.

Tell me something. My husband couldn't explain it to me.

Why is it that all pianists are such terrible poseurs?

What do you mean?

When they play,

they roll up their yes, grimace,

and throw themselves at the poor piano like animals.

God knows what they do.

It's not just the pianists.

Especially them. What are they trying to prove?

If it's the music, why doesn't it influence listeners in the same way?

Did you notice how you pull a thread through a needle?

Like everyone else.

You see an imaginary eye of a needle,

then you imagine that you are the thread,

that is pulled through that eye.

You run the whole process through your imagination.

Charming.

You mean to say, a musician imagines the music,

and that helps him to actually produce sounds?

So it seems.

But that is indecent.

If you think about it, music is indecent.

Even rather obscene.

But it is a high obscenity.

My God, Lyuba.

What a stupid thing to say! My head is splitting.

Or take murderers. They enact the anguish of their victim,

when they stab or strangle. You think it helps them?

I don't know.

Andrei plays very well, and he doesn't grimace.

And doesn't make faces. Am I right, Andrei?

And he tuned our instrument.

Specialists say,

he did that expertly.

Andrei, will you play for us?

- I will. - There, you'll see...

- Play, Andrei. - That he doesn't grimace.

When you listen to your andante, you always sob violently.

Especially when you're drunk. You think of your dog and you

understand that the death of a dog and a human are equally terrible.

A man's death isn't any graver than a dog's.

I know you can't say anything against that.

I could. Only I don't want to.

Then maybe I could say something against what I had just said.

You know why? Simple: Because I'd want to.

A person's wish - is all that matters.

Right now I want money.

There are other ways to get money.

- You go ahead, I can't drink. - Where? How?

- How much? And when? - I won't ask for money.

- Go away! - Rose wine.

Anyone want rose? Good for high and low blood pressure.

Rose wine, tastes good.

You are so difficult, Lina.

Very-very difficult.

Well?

Where shall we get the money?

What about Anna Sergeevna?

All right. When?

Maybe soon.

How much? Maybe very much?

I want a drink. Hey, what's your name! Cup-bearer!

At your service, madam.

I am so clever. And beautiful. But I am completely broke.

I am penniless. It is so unjust.

Have you ever killed anyone, except mosquitoes?

Could you kill a chicken or a calf?

You want to know if I could cut Anna Sergeevna's

throat or chop off her head? No, I couldn't.

What for? People invented poisons, fire-arms,

God knows what else. As they say, nothing personal.

- Lina, you are bluffing! - No, I'm not, damn you!

You know, Andrei,

we've been friends with her for 10 years. We're both widows.

But sometimes she gives me the creeps.

All her problems with men, you know.

I was afraid to come here on my own.

So I asked you to help. I call her, but she hangs up on me.

I don't understand.

Get off!

I said, get off me!

Give me that.

Arkady.

Andrei! It is Lyuba's neighbour, a constant bother.

Hello, Lyuba.

Aren't you inviting us in?

Lyuba!

Step inside, Andrei.

Andrei, please sit down. Tea? Coffee?

Thank you. We just had some at Anna Sergeevna's.

Lyuba,

we have to talk seriously.

I brought Andrei with me because

I understand that it would be a bad idea

to talk t�te-�-t�te.

Talk?

I don't want to hear any more of your dirty hints.

My God! What hints?! What dirty hints?

I just shared my observations with you as my best friend.

What was I to think?

- You think I hinted that? - Precisely!

You poured dirt and shit all over me, that's what you did!

Thank you very much, I didn't deserve it.

No one ever did this to me.

I was just surprised

when all of a sudden

things started to disappear.

What?! Anna Sergeevna!

And these musical sessions on Sundays!

You mean to say that Petr Borisovich or Vera Borisovna

sneaked into my room and stole the clock?

I just want to say that crowds of people come to your house.

- Thank you very much. - You're welcome.

Special thanks for the word 'crowd'.

And thank you for calling me a thief.

You said a piece of cheese disappeared from your fridge.

It was me. I sneaked in at night

and stole your cheese,

then I ran back home and gobbled it up under my bed.

Definitely, you have sclerosis!

I'm telling you as a medical nurse.

You sold your clock to a junk-dealer,

to pay the plumber.

First of all,

I didn't call you a thief.

Secondly,

then I sold my Chinese vase.

Mikki, do you remember? I remember it clearly!

The old sclerosis patient!

She remembers!

See, there's your t�te-�-t�te! What should I do with her?

- I don't know. - I just remembered something!

- Lyuba, come quick! - I don't want to.

I think I know who stole the clock! The agent!

Agent?

When I was at your place, this girl came, the agent.

That's right! The skinny blond with affected manners!

She didn't say hello to me.

Didn't say hello, but wanted to see my passport.

Someone called her, and you let her use the other room.

The clock was in that room!

And census agents never ask for passports!

- They never do! - That's right, they never do!

And you were lucky,

you were not alone. It could've been much worse.

Yes, I forgot about that completely.

- You see, you forgot! - It is sclerosis!

I'm telling you, it is sclerosis.

Anna Sergeevna! You want me to give you an injection?

I do.

- This clock was special to you? - Of course it was.

It was rather expensive, besides it was my father's.

Father said it was a rarity.

Handmade. And he knew about these things.

My late husband also collected old things.

Mikki, don't you have legs?

But I do remember that cheese clearly.

A boy named Sasha comes to visit us every Sunday.

He loves cheese.

10 days ago, before his supposed visit,

I bought 300 grams. Not to forget afterwards.

I put it in the far corner of the fridge, on the right.

Where did it vanish?

A young man is writing a thesis.

The theme is rather exotic:

Casting of church-bells, secrets of the chemical composition.

I prepared some literature for him in French.

My late husband's friends sent it from Paris, I'm translating.

He's my god-son. I have many.

And I'm responsible for all of them.

Find a job, help him make it up with his wife.

The daughter of my late husband's friend got married.

A nice decent man, works at the docks,

adores her. And out of the blue - a drinking-bout.

I tried to become a vegetarian. I feel sorry for the animals.

But I couldn't make myself. I like the taste of meat too much.

- What has that got to do...? - Nothing.

Andrei, have you been baptized?

I love to baptize. I could be your god-mother.

That is a responsibility. You have to remember all the Birthdays.

Then a can of caviar disappeared.

Leonid Petrovich brought a bottle of liqueur.

Where did all that disappear?

Olives... I don't know.

Andrei, you think our Lyuba could be a lesbian?

What?

Oh my God! I'm sorry.

Andrei... God, what did I say! It's all those papers and magazines.

Kleptomaniac.

I'm sorry, I meant: Kleptomaniac. Maybe it's the nervous strain?

With all the bad luck in her private life. Because

she is not in need of money. Can it be her nerves?

I don't know, Anna Sergeevna.

Andrei, what if I do have sclerosis?

An old woman with sclerosis, losing her mind!

I don't think so. You are

plain absent-minded, like a lot of people. It's not old age.

And you are overly trusting.

Me - overly trusting?

Just so that you know - I don't trust anyone.

You included.

That makes sense.

Do you think she will come again?

Of course she will. I'll talk to her.

Cries of unborn babies tear my heart apart.

Why am I playing black? I should be playing white.

Cries of unborn babies tear my heart to pieces,

doesn't let me sleep at night, and calls for revenge.

You know what's the most dangerous job in the world?

A gynecologist in America.

They often get killed by extremists who are against abortions.

And what is the poor doctors' fault?

You can make an abortion with a knitting needle.

It would be far more logical to kill

those that come to have the abortion.

I decided to launch a new movement.

- Lina, stop it. - I took the money

to promote that cause, in case I get caught.

I am an avenger. I could do that just for the money -

in the higher providential sense of the word.

I told you: The Hand of God.

That's it. I said: The woman is mine.

You're wrong. She belongs to both of us.

By the way,

how many abortions did your wife have?

I don't know. I don't remember. She had none.

That's why she dumped you.

Because you don't know anything.

She didn't dump me. We split, and then divorced.

And now you have no place to live. You're homeless.

Boor!

Could you just help me instead of getting on my nerves?

Just help me?

And who do you think wrote this?

I spent a whole day. And I got you an envelope.

Is that not helping?

Without you everything seems dull and boring - all these concerts,

parties, picnics, French landscapes.

Often, when I see or hear something interesting,

I catch myself at the thought that I want

to exchange glances with you, as if you were somewhere near.

We have a new acquaintance - he's one of the emigrants.

Kirill, a funny fellow.

He made advances at me. But you should see

how ridiculous he is in that role.

But I am grateful to him anyway, for bringing in some joy.

That's all I can say for now. I miss you and await your letters.

By that letter, even by the handwriting, you can tell,

she is a very nice, kind and decent girl.

That's true.

I didn't want to frighten you...

But I am a bit worried by this - what's his name? - Kirill.

It is a very dangerous type of admirers.

They seem so ridiculous, and everyone laughs at them.

But then a day comes when the woman suddenly realizes she'd

gotten so used to him, she can't live a day without him.

And she starts to look at him with different eyes.

And then - it's finished! I hope that is not the case,

and most likely it isn't.

But you should bare that in mind.

- What can I do? - Remind her of yourself.

Write more often, once in every 2 days.

And what is there to write about?

Went here and there, wasted time on trifle matters.

Write about that. Lyuba, quiet, will you!

Write about where you went and what you've been doing.

Write about me and Lyuba.

Or about Mikki. Send her our best regards.

Don't let the situation get out of hand.

I know from my own experience. Right, Lyuba?

Yes. Regards to Claire from Lyuba.

Regards to Claire from Lyuba.

Andrei, there should be cups somewhere there.

Vadim decided to title it...

Or is it the sub-heading?

'Confession of the Son of the Century'.

'Confession of the Son of the Century'?

It's a temporary name. However it does reflect the essence.

I want to throw it in their faces - of all those loathsome pigs,

so that they couldn't deny it.

Everything I had to endure...

In a few months we will be able to read that?

No. With the money that were graciously given to me by Lyuba,

first I will invest it, and when I make enough profit,

I'll start publishing.

I'm not going for a circulation of a few thousand copies.

I need 100-150 thousand! 5-6 thousand would

be a drop in the ocean.

I need 100-150 thousand!

So that no one can ignore it, or pretend not to notice it.

I see. Are you leaving on that same day?

No. Yes. In the morning, before we go to register the marriage,

we'll drop our things off at the left luggage room.

Our train is at 2 p.m.

- I'll bring the dessert. - I'll help you.

No need for that.

- Stop picking on him. - I'm just curious.

Don't be. I know what you and Anna Sergeevna think about me.

We don't think anything. We are simply worried about you.

How does Vadim plan to invest your money?

He says one needs to find one's own niche.

Oil and gas - that market already has its owners.

Of course, you can get your little share from that tap.

But he wants to find something original.

A place where there's no competition yet.

For instance, one man we know started breeding ostriches.

And he's alone in this market.

See the future prospects! Brilliant, isn't it?

By the way, what is his surname? Vadim's.

- Mikhailov. - Where is he staying at?

Hotel 'Victoria'. I inquired.

All right, let's go.

No photos!

I said, no photos!

For you to remember.

All they think about is stripping us.

Vadim, one second.

Anna Sergeevna, the keys are here.

I left instructions on when to water the flowers.

- Darling, I'm coming. - Lyuba.

A telephone bill will come.

It's time to go.

I'll return the money for the bill later.

The car's waiting.

I'll come back in a month, maybe sooner.

Be happy! All the best!

To remember!

I almost forgot,

I packed your slippers. They're in the suitcase.

- I'm fine. - Don't be embarrassed. Put them on.

I will - eventually.

You want some juice? You thirsty? I packed some juice.

I don't want to drink.

I want to smoke.

There'll be a station soon.

I used to smoke, but I quit. You don't want to quit?

I will. Eventually.

I'll close the door, and you can smoke in here.

I got something for you!

I got something!

I got you a present!

Here.

Hello, Lyuba.

- No, it's a lighter. - A lighter?

You press here.

Lyuba, thank you for everything.

For being so considerate.

Considerate? I thought I was �the divine mistress of your heart'.

One doesn't

contradict the other.

Station.

Buy a doggie!

Buy a tiger!

Look how cute he is!

- Did you ever have a teddy bear? - No.

Look, a doggie.

A hippopotamus! I want a hippopotamus!

- A hippopotamus? All right. - I want it.

Here. There's money in the bag. Hurry up.

Be careful.

And buy some water too.

Hurry! Be careful!

My god, you're so helter-skelter!

What ways, what tastes!

- Here's to our Lyuba. - To Lyuba.

I don't trust these marriage ads.

They give me this unpleasant feeling, it's disgusting really.

In the old days they used to have matchmakers.

They had their clientele, they bore the responsibility.

And these ads -

they're more fit for our four-legged brothers.

A cute little she-cat will meet a handsome tomcat.

Right, Mikki? Would you like to meet a pretty she-cat?

Anna Sergeevna, it's getting late. I'd better go.

Yes. I feel sleepy myself.

It was a tiring day.

Don't you forget me.

Especially now that I'm left all alone. Come visit me often.

- I will. - As if I didn't know that.

He ran away.

Anna Sergeevna, he dumped me.

The cheat.

The cheat.

Lyuba, darling.

- Don't be upset. - Please don't.

Do you have any vodka? I think I caught a cold.

Would you care to explain what this is all about?

I meet my mother, and she hands me a pile of letters addressed to me.

I rush to answer your call.

I am a writer and a journalist.

My soul is tired of everyday turmoil, we have to meet.

I placed a seductive ad in a newspaper,

and sent them a letter with your photo. He swallowed the bait.

There is an incurable illness - greed.

Just meet with him, and leave the rest to me.

After all, he double-crossed me too.

This agitates me. Listen to this:

An emancipated blonde with an impressive bust,

who runs a restaurant, will meet with a man,

who knows how to handle an expensive car.

Will answer a letter with a photo attached.

What do you say? Shall we unmask them?

You want that?

Does it ever happen to you that you take a random position,

and suddenly you know you want to stay like that,

and it feels so good that you want to stay like that forever?

All right, you don't find that convincing.

Remember this famous line: 'Individualism without freedom'?

It's said about the Byzantine Empire, but

there were 'God's fools' even then. And you can't deny them freedom.

This line is convincing

with its laconic beauty and beautiful laconic brevity.

You can put this phrase in front of an imaginary mirror

and read it backwards: 'Freedom without individualism'.

Please, don't interrupt me now.

Say, in America you can't drink your beer in the street.

But a man can hide the bottle in a paper bag,

and no one can tell what he's drinking.

He could be drinking whiskey - then he's an alcoholic.

But maybe he's just drinking his beer because he�s thirsty.

And maybe they were thinking

about this man. Because it's his private life.

On the other hand, it could be plain hypocrisy.

Individualism without freedom - that is total hypocrisy.

Which can not be said

about freedom without individualism.

Pushkin: There's no happiness. Only peace and freedom.

Which is absurd, because one denies the other.

But it only seems that way.

There is a 3rd state: Peaceful freedom. The merging

point where individualism and freedom come to a balance.

Yes.

Go on, it's very interesting.

The American film director Woody Allan wrote a story:

A banker fell into a trance and stole diamonds from his own safe.

He called the police and said it had to be an employee,

because no one else had access to the safe. Funny!

It was a comedy. Cool, isn't it?

People have many mentality problems. As a result:

Destabilization, claustrophobia, turbulency. Let's go.

- Where to? - To jail. Or to Vadim.

- We did it. - Is this where he lives?

- Go. - Works and sleeps.

Go ahead, bastard.

Go on.

- Oh no, you don't! - Bloody 'writers'!

- Serpent! - I'll destroy you!

He robbed the poor woman!

He has no place to live.

I can't walk that fast.

Wait, I can't keep pace.

We've come on behalf of all those cheated!

Idiot!

Such dirty doing!

- I am sorry. - Here we are, we're family.

Of all the arts the most important is Cinema.

It�s an old maxim.

I'll be damned if I ever marry! Stupid broads!

I'm sorry.

What a hopeless idiot.

The piano is out of tune!

I said: The piano is out of tune!

I don't get it. What is this?

- The piano is out of tune. - Stupid broads!

Leave the piano alone, and beat it!

- Not until I get Lyuba's money. - What money?

- The money you stole! - What do you care?

She's like a sister to me.

Well, she's a wife to me. Want to see the marriage certificate?

We were on this train together,

and we got into a fight, and I left.

Of all the arts the most important is Cinema.

It�s an old maxim... by Lenin.

Return the money before it gets worse.

I wonder how.

You know what's bugging you now? You don't want to lose face

in the eyes of your lady-friend.

But it's not gonna work that way.

Get out of here!

I want everyone to get down on the floor.

- Where did you get that? - You heard what I said!

That goes for you too. Everyone get down on the floor!

Didn't you hear me? Get down!

Now!

I've been itching to kill somebody for a long time! He knows!

Great.

Please, Lina!

Please.

Don't be stubborn!

I'll bring you more, you'll see!

I don't want more!

Think well. You must agree, you're just acting stubborn now.

It is my money! I got it!

Of course it's your money.

But if you give it to me now,

I'll have a better chance of bringing you more.

Maybe I don't need more!

Maybe I like these banknotes better! They're mine!

Maybe I want to spend my own banknotes!

Please, Lina!

Here's what we should do.

You take that money to Korolev,

get other banknotes from him, and ask him not to spend these.

Then when you will get new money,

we'll exchange it for our own.

Please.

No.

Can you give me a small sum? He could squander some, couldn't he?

Only just a little.

Here!

I've scanned this page for you.

What now?

Central bank, we have to change the phone number.

There, Central bank.

We�ll change the real phone number to...

Change it to: 295-586.

The paper has to be exactly like the one in telephone book.

- All right? - Money first.

- What's all this about? - Just a prank.

See, you're lucky.

Same color, same shade.

- Who's number is this? - Paid restroom stalls.

Here's a lottery table. Need to change a few numbers here too.

Work on it, Leonardo da Vinci!

- Excuse me, is this the ladies' room? - It's the men's room.

Is this the ladies' room, please?

- Is this the ladies' room? - It�s the men's room!

- Then why are you going in? - Don't worry, she's my colleague!

Darling, you want to take a leak, or just visiting?

- I heard you got married? - You can say that.

Can I call someone from here?

Or rather, someone will call me at your number.

- Here? - I'm covering up tracks.

- I don't even know my phone number. - I do.

Look at her! That's just like you!

You knew my number all along and you�ve never called me once!

Have you seen Tanya? There she is!

Tanya!

How do you like the dress?

Tanya!

- What is it here, a night club? - Right. Called 'Tanya'.

Is it the men's room?

You got married? That's what I heard.

- Well... - What does he do?

A lot of things.

- Me too. - You do his things or he does yours?

I can't talk when he's listening.

I bumped into your ex the other day. You know, the Jew?

He�s so cute! He gave me a lift in his car.

You should have seen his sad eyes.

He kept asking about you. Wanted to know everything.

He thinks you are with the one who was before him.

And I am with the one who is after him.

He said you told him

that your relationship has not been exhausted.

Don't know, maybe there are still some resources left, maybe not.

- I don't know. - Honestly, should I buy this dress?

Definitely not. It's ugly. Who the hell made it?

Hello, Anna Sergeevna!

I'll come by and explain everything.

Is Lyuba there? Wait for me.

I'll try to get there as soon as possible.

Great!

Can you try the high notes?

Charming.

My dog even eats nuts. Remember Chekhov's 'The Cherry Orchard'?

Of course I do!

The doorbell!

Someone's coming! A guest!

Hello, Anna Sergeevna!

You missed your bus. We're leaving. You're late.

Something came up.

What's with your voice again?

Last night I took in too much beer. Couldn't resist it.

You have to be careful. Your voice belongs to the public.

Beware of a guest standing.

What's gotten into you? Kissing everyone's hands?

- I almost kissed Leonid Petrovich's hand. - You did!

Come right in, darling.

Guests first.

We had so much fun today!

Lyuba, he's acting strange. What happened?

There is a reason. Today may be the happiest day of my life.

Really? Tell us all about it, don't let us lose patience.

Please sit down.

But first...

Lyuba, here's your 2 thousand. Almost 2 thousand.

He squandered a little.

Don't ask me where I got it. I'll tell you some day.

My advice: Don't go to the police.

It's useless, you won't prove anything.

Don't drag me into this. Forget about the bastard, erase him.

You don't need him to get a divorce. And be careful.

Andrei! You are wonderful!

- Thank you. - You're welcome, Lyuba.

It's all right.

- It's all right. - Calm down.

You need to be happy.

You said: 'first...'. Is there anything else?

Do you have anything else to tell us?

Indeed. And you won't believe it!

Today's the day of big surprises. I'd say, HUGE surprises!

I don't know where to begin.

Remember, you gave me this sedative? Can I get it now?

- Lyuba, go get it. - I'll be right back.

I'm too nervous and agitated, I need to calm down a little.

What makes you so happy? Tell us what happened.

It's not about me. It's you I feel happy for.

I'm happy that at last I have an opportunity to

repay you for your hospitality, for the warmth,

for all the good I saw in your house.

Maybe I'll get my commission of 7 thousand too.

What are you talking about, Andrei? I don't understand.

What 7 thousand?

There's an expression:

Darkness thickens before dawn.

It is exactly my case.

Anna Sergeevna, if you only knew how awful I felt last night.

I got a letter from France,

and I was so overwhelmed with anguish when I read it.

She writes that she misses me,

and wants to see me.

It's her birthday soon, but that doesn't make

her happy because I'm not there. But what can I do without money?

You know, I am a very religious person.

But this night something turned in me.

In the morning I went to church and said a prayer.

But my soul was still heavy.

After I left the church

I wandered around the city, to clear my thoughts.

And then a miracle happened.

But before I go on, I have to ask you something.

I'm not asking you a favour. I'm making you a business offer.

Would you agree to lend me, for an indefinite time,

7 thousand dollars. On one condition:

That I show you a possibility to get

100 thousand dollars?

Andrei, today's not April Fools Day.

I wasn't joking. 100 thousand dollars, tomorrow.

You frighten me. You're not drunk, by chance?

I didn't have anything to drink except your medicine.

Then I lost you completely.

As you know, I never get involved in shady dealings.

I don't trade in oil and drugs.

I don't get it. How would I get 100 thousand?

You frighten me.

Do I look like a swindler,

who would offer you a tricky deal?

You should go to a bank tomorrow,

take the money and deposit it on your account.

I don't get it still.

Anna Sergeevna, dear, let's listen to Andrei.

Listening won't hurt. And then you do as you think proper.

All right, but it is still strange.

Let him go on. Go on.

Give me your honest word that if what I'm telling you

proves to be true, - you won't fool me,

and you will give me my 7 thousand?

- Well, if what he's saying is... - Very well.

If that appears to be the truth, I promise.

But I still don't see where I would get so much money.

I got around 3 thousand. These earrings must be

worth about 2 thousand. That's all I got.

Andrei, take it.

Take it, Anna Sergeevna will give it back to me later.

Yes, Anna Sergeevna?

Of course I will, Lyuba. If that proves to be the truth.

- Don't talk nonsense. - It's a deal.

So as I said, I was wandering around the city

and found myself near the Central Bank.

And I just walked in.

I remembered there was a drawing yesterday, and they

post the winning numbers there before they get printed in the newspapers.

To make the long story short... Dear Anna Sergeevna,

I offer my congratulations.

Your ticket: Series 13771, number 22.

It won exactly the sum I quoted earlier.

Let's see. Mikki!

Here's a xerox I made for you. See for yourself.

The ticket...

To disperse all doubts, call the bank and ask them yourself.

Where's the telephone book? Should be in the hall.

It's a small fortune!

Today's Sunday. But there should be someone there.

My head is spinning. There.

The phone number of your bank.

Go ahead, call them.

I will, I will.

Wait for me, I'll call them.

29-55...

86.

Get it.

- Central bank. May I help you? - Quiet!

Is this Central Bank?

Who am I talking to?

I'm calling about the lottery prize.

I'm not a bank employees. We're just cleaning the premises.

- Today's Sunday and the bank�s closed. - Try to be polite.

Is it something urgent?

I don't know. There's one employee here.

An accountant or a manager.

- Elena. Patronimic? - Alexandrovna.

Elena Alexandrovna.

Call back in a minute.

Call this number. I'll tell her, and she'll get it in her office.

You're welcome, good bye.

All right, I'll call back in a few minutes.

Great performance.

Good work.

They told me to call back in a couple of minutes.

All right.

Hello.

Yes, this is Central Bank.

Yes, it's me.

Are you an accountant? Elena Alexandrovna? Good day.

You see, I have a lottery ticket,

and I gave it to a friend of mine.

Today she happened to walk into your bank

and she saw the table of the winning numbers.

She said she saw that the ticket won.

My number won a big amount of money.

I'm sorry, I am very nervous. But she's not quite sure

she remembered the number correctly, you see.

Only the first few digits.

So I wanted to check with you.

I can read the whole number to you.

13-77...

4.

That's right, there was a drawing yesterday.

What do you need that for? Why make yourself suffer?

I'm just curious to know,

where she made a mistake.

Can you tell me which number won?

13-77-1?

Thank you!

Don't be sore.

It's always painful when someone wins, but not you.

And take my advice: Never ever

tell anyone the numbers of your lottery tickets.

Not even the closest friends.

Don't tempt them.

All right, good-bye and good luck.

All the best.

We won!

I didn't doubt that.

There was a very polite woman there.

I told her a little lie. I named a wrong number.

And she told me exactly mine.

Tomorrow at 10 we go to the bank,

I get my money, and I give you your 7 thousand as agreed.

But... we made a deal.

I need the money today. It's today or never.

So that I get my passport and board a plane tomorrow.

To be there in time for her birthday.

Otherwise, the money

will be useless for me.

I can't insist. But you promised.

But Andr...

I don't know really.

All right, forget it.

Andrei! Won't my money be enough?

No, I calculated everything. The air fare, the stay...

No, Lyuba, thank you.

Well, you must forgive me,

I'm so overwhelmed today.

With everything that's happened...

Since I promised - there's your money. Take it.

And a present for your girl, on her birthday.

- You happy now? - Thank you.

I knew you'd keep your word. Can I tell

my friend to make the travel arrangements?

Why, of course. The phone...

Where's the phone? Oh yes, it's in the bathroom.

Lyuba!

Mikki! We won, Mikki!

How unbelievably strange.

Such big money - all of a sudden.

I need to calm down.

I'm so happy!

Is the old cow happy?

Everything's fine.

I'll buy it.

I'm happy for her.

Bring me something sweet,

some candies or a cake.

All right. See you soon.

Andrei, is everything all right?

When will we see you again?

I understand, you won't be in a hurry to come back.

But please let us know if you decide to stay there longer.

By all means.

- Thank you. - And thank you too.

Well, let's sit down for the road.

- Who wrote that? - Silvestrov.

I thought it was you.

BANK

No dogs allowed.

I'm coming.

- Lyuba! - I'm here.

The entrance used to be here.

I'm here, don't worry.

- No dogs allowed here. - What shall we do?

Lock him in the car.

Lyuba, remember what I told you about the bass school?

No, I'm keeping all the money!

Can't find a worthy follower.

Coming, coming!

Hurry up!

- You forgot the bag. - For the money?

There's a man with us to help carry it.

We'll put it in the trunk.

- Mikki must be crying. - It's all right.

- Good day. - Your tea.

Where do I go about the prize?

- What prize? - The lottery prize, of course.

It may be a bit out of the ordinary. Where can I get it?

- What? - The money.

The money that I won.

- When? - Yesterday. Don't you know about the drawing?

- Where? - Here, at your bank.

When?

I just told you: There was a drawing.

By the way, where do you post the winning numbers?

- What numbers? - Maybe Andrei was wrong?

Don't you see, he doesn't know a thing. Must be a new recruit.

Why hire kids! Lyuba, I don't know what to do.

- Calm down. - Tell me...

- I don't know! - Oh my God!

Everything's closed.

Can anyone help me?

- Perhaps you know?.. - I don't!

There's a man.

Here, this is a photocopy of your lottery table and my ticket.

I'm sorry, this is some kind of misunderstanding.

We haven�t had a drawing recently.

What do you mean, you haven�t had a drawing?! What's this then?

- I don't know what this is. - It�s your drawing!

- Where did you get this? - Andrei brought it.

- What Andrei? - The piano tuner.

Anna Sergeevna! We need to go to the police.

What has the police got to do with this?

Would you please call

your accountant Elena Alexandrovna.

I don't know anyone by that name.

Does anyone know anything in this bank?

I spoke with her on the phone last night.

I'm sorry, this must be a mistake.

The bank was closed yesterday.

Lyuba is right, we need to go to the police. And the sooner the better.

Bloody madhouse. I don't understand anything.

- I'm going to the car. - Madhouse!

Lyuba, I'm starting the car.

Tell me, did you have a drawing?

Anna Sergeevna.

I don't understand. How do you like that? Strange.

Let's go. We will sort everything out later.

Andrei said there was a drawing.

He must have made some mistake.

It's a madhouse, Lyuba! Bloody madhouse.

He had a long nose.

Did he? I think he had a normal nose.

He had a long aquiline nose.

Aquiline?

I remember his profile clearly,

especially when he sat at the piano. His nose wasn't aquiline.

You didn't pay attention. I did.

And his lips were

plump and flabby - the kind I hate.

Weren't they thin?

Listen. I'm very good with faces.

By the way, he had a round-shaped face, rather than thin.

And he had thin eye-brows.

We'll be late for the marriage registry office.

You see, I have clients.

You getting married? Congratulations.

No, I'm the best man.

Go on, please.

- Go on, please. - I will.

His face was round, rather than narrow.

And he had thin eyebrows.

My God, Anna Sergeevna. Round face? What are you talking about?

If you know better, tell them yourself.

You got me a little confused there, ladies.

Are you talking about the same person?

Go on, please.

Are you talking about the same person, God dammit?

Go on, please.

Anna Sergeevna, go on.

Round face, aquiline nose. Who were you talking about?

- You know, you tell them. - Yes. And I will.

Anna Sergeevna, keep quiet, you don't remember anything.

I told you, you're senile.

- I'm keeping quiet. - Good for you.

Go on, please. I'm all ears.

Now. He had a straight nose.

The face was not round-shaped. What else did you say?

Lyuba.

It is all my fault.

Why did I ask him

to copy the bloody numbers!

I'll never forgive myself.

You can't subject a man to such a temptation!

What was he supposed to do? Poor boy, an orphan,

running around giving lessons - just to make ends meet.

He could make a good musician.

It's the same as to put money on the sidewalk, and expect

no one to take it. And whoever does - is a thief.

It is immoral and unjust to people.

Just think, he masterminded the whole combination!

Exactly.

He had a brilliant plan. Someone else could have simply robbed us.

I'll never forgive myself.

People... People are weak.

We have our expectations.

But they are weak. Poor defenceless creatures.

He was such a good boy.

It was all my fault. I won't forgive myself ever.

It was all my fault. He was such a good boy.

A good boy, Anna Sergeevna.

And what amazing touch!

His hands didn't hit the keys, they drowned in them.

It happened to me once. I dropped a banknote.

It fell on the ground. I bent and started groping about for it.

All of a sudden I hear footsteps. A passer-by.

I say to him: Please, would you kindly help me pick up my money.

And he says to me in a pleasant voice:

I'll sure pick it up, only I won't give it back to you.

I ask him: Why?

And he answers: Because right now I need it more than you do.

- Mikki, what? - It's my bench.

I always sit here.

Producer - Sergei Chliyants

Script - Sergei Chetvertakov

Also Evgenyi Golubenko and Kira Muratova

Free interpretation of stories by Arkady Koshko

Director - Kira Muratova

D.O.P. - Gennadyi Karyuk

Production designer Yevgenyi Golubenko

Music - Valentin Silvestrov

Song in a streetcar - written and performed by Natalia Demitrova

Music consultant and pianist Felix Lyubarsky

Editor - Tamara Denisova Sound director - Efim Turetsky

Starring: Georgy Deliev Alla Demidova

Renata Litvinova Nina Ruslanova

Cast: Sergei Bekhterev Natalia Buzko

Jean Daniel Uta Kilter, Vladimir Komarov

Leonid Pavlovsky Anatolyi Paduka, Irina Panova

Nikolai Sednev, Lila Stikhina Yuri Shlykov

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