Original subtitles

Messieurs, we must realize the portentousness of our problems.

It is necessary that all the big countries be represented.

The situation must be handled with the greatest delicacy.

No nation must be offended.

Messieurs, on your diplomacy and your astuteness rests the prestige of France.

- Uh, ahem. Russia. - I speak Russian fluently.

Monsieur Giraud, will you kindly be seated?

Monsieur Cambret. You shall go to Russia.

- Czechoslovakia. - I speak a beautiful Czechoslovakian.

Monsieur Giraud, will you please sit down?

Monsieur Rombeau, Czechoslovakia.

- Italy. - I was the best in my class in Italian.

Sit down, Monsieur Giraud.

Monsieur Carridet, you shall go to Italy.

- Greece. - My Greece has never been equaled, never.

Monsieur Callons, Greece is yours.

Ahem. The United States of America.

Whoo-hoo.

- Monsieur Giraud, how is your English? - Terrible, terrible. Oh-ho-ho-ho.

Monsieur Giraud will go to the United States.

Oh-ho. I do not want to go to the United States.

This is not the time for personal preferences.

How do you think America would feel if she knew of your attitude?

- Oh, don't tell them, don't tell them. - What are your objections to America?

Oh, I don't like those Indians. No, no, they cut your hair.

Monsieur Giraud, there are no longer any Indians in America.

Where did they go?

Where did your great-great-grandfather go?

Yes, but my great-great-grandpapa was not an Indian.

We are not here to discuss Indians or your great-great-grandfather.

Our purpose is to attract to our Paris Exposition...

...the greatest dance groups of all the world.

All that is required of you is for you to go...

...and bring back the Academy Ballet of America...

...so that they may appear at our Paris Exposition...

...in competition with all other nations.

But what about those Indians? Oh-ho-ho.

Let me hear no more about Indians.

You have your instructions. Remember, France stands behind you.

Yeah, and the Indians stand in front of me. Hoo. Hoo-hoo. Oh, no.

There's an island of Enchantment

Where the flying fishes play

And the lazy breeze Keeps nudging the trees

On a tropical summer day

It's a paradise for dreamers It's the land of missing men

For I understand that many who land

May never come back again

It's a long, long way ta Bali But it's there that I would go

For of all the South Sea islands

It's the only one I know

I wanna go back to Bali To that island of sunny skies

You can see those scenes in magazines But you never can see the flies

Oh, it looks like our back alley But still I love it more

For when the gals meet you Down at the pier

They wear less than the ladies do here

If the day and the vision is clear You can see the shore

Oh, I wanna go back to Bali

Where there ain't such a word as no

Where to hug and squeeze a Balinese ls always apropos

Oh, the Interlaken Valley May be the place to go

Still, I wanna go back And I'm gonna go back to Bali

I wanna go back to Bali To the land of sunny skies

You can see those scenes in magazines You never can see the flies

It looks like our back alley But I still love it more

For when the gals meet you at the pier

They wear less than the ladies do here

If the day and the vision is clear You can see the shore

Oh, I wanna go back to Bali

Where there ain't such a word as no

Where to hug and squeeze a Balinese is always apropos

The Interlaken Valley May be the place to go

Still, I wanna go back I'm gonna go back to Bali

I'm dreaming now of Hallie

Sweet Hallie, sweet Hallie

I'm dreaming now of Hallie

And the mockingbird is singing Where she lies

Listen to the mockingbird Listen to the mockingbird

The mockingbird still singing o'er her grave

Listen to the mockingbird

Listen to the mockingbird Still singing where...

Well, by gosh, they got him.

Cigars. Cigarettes.

- Hello, Dukie. - Leticia, I'm a very busy man.

Yeah, but this is about the show, you know. Lately, I been a-thinking.

Look, just let your mind go ugh! And your worries will be over.

Yeah, but I got a wonderful idea.

Know that spot between the trumpet solo and the tickle-my-back number?

- Remember there's a three-minute wait? - Yeah.

How about me hopping in there with my dummy...

...and doing my ventriloquist act?

Leticia, for the 500th time, no. We've got no room for a ventriloquist act.

We'd rather have the wait.

Yeah, but, Dukie, last night, I dreamed you kissed me.

What do you suppose caused that?

You probably went to bed with your shoes on.

Cigars, cigarettes.

Let's congratulate each other, partner. Look at that crowd.

If they wouldn't object to eating standing up, could we pack them in?

We'll pack them if we have to hang them from trees.

- You like the show? - We were terrific.

You were slightly sensational, as usual.

Your magnanimity overwhelms me.

Terry, that fella working in the office wants to see you.

Thanks, Jimmy. All right, Duke, let's go.

Good evening, Mr. Vail. What's the good news?

Well, I think I found the solution to your problem, Mr. Moore.

- Problem? - This is Mr. Dennis, my partner.

Mr. Vail's from the bank. They sent him over.

- Oh, the bank, that sounds like dividends. - Dividends.

Now, Mr. Moore, it's like this.

Your accounts are so involved...

...that it's been difficult to get a clear picture.

However, I've spent a long time computing.

Oh, never mind how you go back and forth to work.

All we wanna know is, how much money did we make?

You haven't made any. Mr. Moore, you're insolvent.

Insolvent?

But I don't get it. We've been packing them in.

Exactly. You've been doing too much business.

- That's what we're here for. ain't it? - But that doesn't make sense.

It's all very simple. Now, let me explain.

Your average customer spends $4.65...

...but that same customer costs you $4.83.

You mean, every time a customer comes in, we lose 18 cents?

Precisely.

Now, roughly speaking, you lose $117.62 each night.

- Now, by the week... - Never mind.

We don't wanna hear any more.

Boss?

A party of 12 people just came in.

Twelve people...

- That's a loss of $2.16. - That's terrible.

- Get them out of here. - Send them to the Swing Club.

The food's terrible here. Tell them to go home.

Night life's not good for them. It's all sham and tinsel.

Yes. sir.

- Well, that's $2.16 I've saved. - Wait a minute, Duke.

Mr. Vail, as a banker, what do you suggest we do?

Well, sir, your assets are hopelessly frozen.

Can't we defrost or something?

I suggest that you file a petition in bankruptcy, Mr. Moore.

At least, that is the best advice I can otter.

Good night, gentlemen. It's been very pleasant meeting you.

Good night.

Well, we're the first nightclub to do it.

- Do what? - Run a bank night.

Baseball extra. Get your extra paper here.

Read all about it.

- Extra, baseball paper. - Here. Indians scalp Yanks.

Here you are, mister. Indians scalp Yanks.

Ah-ah! Hey, start the boat. Quick.

Go, go, everybody, run, run.

Quick, go. Come on, quick, go, go.

- What's the trouble. sir? - Indians scalped the Yankees.

- The Yankees will murder them tomorrow. - They do?

- Sure. - Good, I don't like Indians.

Here you are, paper, paper. Get your paper...

Cab, mister?

Where to, buddy?

- What did you say? - Where do you wanna go?

Oh, I want to go to the finest hotel, the finest.

- Are you a salesman or a tourist? - I'm a representative.

No, no, I represent France.

I'm here to invite the American Academy Ballet to Paris.

- Academy what? - Ballet, ballet. The dancers, ballet.

Dancers? Ballet?

- Oh, you mean the Ballé. - Yes, the ballet.

- Yeah, why didn't you say so? - I did.

- We passed it on the way uptown. - You do?

Yeah, you wanna stop?

- They're not performing at this hour, eh? - Yeah, full blast.

- Every night till 4 in the morning. - Oh, these American people.

They are very peculiar. Hoo-hoo-hoo. Take me there, take me there.

Hello.

- Having fun? - Well, yes, up till now.

When did you decide to come to New York?

Just six weeks ago, sonny boy. When my last alimony check arrived.

Look, Mona. I haven't sent you that money, because I haven't had it.

Don't give me that. I saw your café seething with people.

And I heard your revolving door turning every minute.

Since we were divorced five years ago, I've sent your check every week.

I've done everything to make up for that mistake we made when we were kids.

Kids is right. I was only 16.

That isn't what you told the license clerk when he asked if you were my mother.

I was a mere baby.

And you looked so handsome in that Kansas City dance hall playing the fife.

Cut out the theatrics, Mona. What do you want?

I want six weeks' back alimony...

...that's what I want. - Well, I haven't got it.

Will you get out of here and leave me alone?

- Do you mean, then, you're really broke? - Yes, I'm really broke.

You haven't even enough money to pay for your hotel bill, I suppose.

That's right.

Well, sonny boy, you just stop worrying.

Because from tomorrow night on, you're going to be a guest of the county.

- What are you talking about? - Just this.

Tomorrow, I'm going to have you thrown into jail...

...for failing to carry out the court order to provide for me.

Oh, and by the way, you know, jails are just full of rats.

- Oh, a lady. - Well, what did you expect, a harem?

- What are you looking for? - That tube of rat paste that was here.

Rat paste? Call a doctor, call a doctor.

- What's the matter? - Last night, I spread some on a cracker.

- I thought it was cheese. - Take off your shoes.

Take off my shoes? Take off my shoes. Take off my shoes.

- Is this the ballet? - It ain't the Rainbow Room.

Oh, good. Hoo-hoo. Good evening, good evening.

No, it ain't, and you don't wanna go in here.

- No? - You wouldn't like it.

Right across the street's the Swing Club. Right down the block's the Wa-Hoo.

Whoa-hon. whoa-hoe. Hoo-hoo-hoo.

- But this is the ballet, no? - Yes, but the show here is very bad.

And the food is worse, and the prices are outrageous.

The management would have got arrested...

...only the cops is mad and won't talk to them.

I don't wanna eat the ballet. I wanna see the ballet.

I came all the way from Paris.

- Mister, will you please go away? - Oh, very well, good night.

Yes, sir. Good night.

- Now where to, buddy? - To the Wa-Hoo Club.

- Whoo-hoo. - Okay.

No, sir, this ain't the place.

Now, the food here is very bad.

The show is terrible, prices are outrageous.

Pardon, could you tell me where the director of the ballet is?

- Oh, Mr. Moore? - Yeah.

Oh, he's in there.

- Oh, thank you, mademoiselle. Hmm. - Yeah.

- Whoo-hoo! - Cigars, cigarettes.

- Gentlemen. Mm. - What do you want?

- I'm looking for the director of the ballet. - Who are you collecting for?

I'm Giraud, I represent the Paris Exposition. The exposition in Paris.

- Do we owe them anything? - Not that I know of.

You don't understand. I'm here in behalf of France.

Listen, mister, if you're trying to sell postcards, we don't want any.

- No, no, who's the director? - I'm the director of the Ballé.

- This is my assistant, Mr. Dennis. - How do you do?

I'm to invite you and your ballet to the exposition at Paris.

- I've heard interesting things about you. - Who's been talking?

- You mean you want to take us to Paris? - Yes, you and your marvelous ballet.

- A job, with pay? - Oh, a handsome figure, I assure you.

- Very handsome. - A chair for the gentleman.

Hmm?

So, what's the proposition?

Each year, France holds a dance exposition. You've been chosen to represent America.

- Dance exposition? - Yes, you will...

All expenses will be paid.

- You will receive a fee of 300,000 francs. - Three...

- How much in nickels and dimes? - About $10,000.

Should you win the contest from all the other countries...

...you will be given the grand prize of a million francs.

And, of course, a tour around the world.

Mr. Giraud, you better get up and let me sit down.

Quiet. What do we have to do?

Well, dance, you have to dance. Here, here, sign here.

There. You and your beautiful ballet.

- Ballet? - Yes, the entire ballet troupe.

Here, sign here.

- Sign, Telly, sign. - Not so quick, Duke.

Look here, all this is very sudden.

Give me a moment to talk with my assistant.

But of course. But I hope your decision will be favorable.

- I will wait outside. - No, you don't.

Hmm?

- You sit right there. - We'll step into Mr. Dennis' office.

- Shall we go into your office? - With pleasure.

- Right this way. - Thank you.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

- Thank you. - Make yourself comfortable, Mr. Giraud.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Fella has us mixed up with somebody else. He wants toe dancers. What'll we do?

Listen, this guy walks in of his own accord...

...and offers us a contract to take the company to Paris.

Is it our fault that he says “ballet“ and we say “Ballé“?

I know, we'll let him watch our show. Then if he wants us, we'll sign.

- That'll ease my conscience. - Wait a minute.

This is one time you're gonna be practical and like it.

Here's a chance to put meat on the table.

If this guy walks out and we lose this opportunity...

...it's a cinch. we close the joint in two days.

That will put the girls, the band, out on the street.

With no prospects for a job.

Are you gonna shut up and sign those contracts?

Our girls are not ballet dancers. They only know rhythm routines and swing.

That's easy.

Tomorrow morning at 10:00...

...we go find the best ballet master we can get.

On the boat going over, he can teach the kids all the ballet stuff they need.

- Am I right? - You'd better be.

If there are loose ballet masters, this is where we'll find them.

- Which one's the loosest? - You pick one.

That's easy.

Luis Leoni.

That's our man. He's practically on his way to Paris light now.

Anybody home?

This is one place that's not doing too much business.

According to our bank, they must be in the money.

Heh. Look, you go in that side and I'll go in here.

Hey, you.

Hey there.

Hey, look, look. Up here.

Help me down, will you?

Very interesting. Something impressionistic?

- Will you get me down from here? - Did someone hang you up there to dry?

Oh, if I only had something to throw.

- I'll see if I can find a spare discus. - Wait.

- I don't wanna interrupt your performance. - I'm not performing.

- I'm stuck up here. - Say, how did you get up there?

- I was practicing. - I know that.

But just for my own personal information, what were you practicing?

An acrobatic routine, but I pulled the wrong rope and it got caught.

Will you get me down from here?

Oh, that's no way to ask for assistance.

The smiling eye, the soft, silken voice, that's the proper approach.

Oh, you. If I could just get my hands on you.

All right, calm yourself. I'll let you down.

Oh, well, hurry up. Let me down here as fast as you can.

Here we go. Happy landing.

I've met a lot of girls in a lot of funny places...

...but never hanging from the ceiling. How do you do? I'm Terry Moore.

Sorry, I'm not interested.

- Aren't you going to thank me? - Thank you?

- I almost broke my back. - Can I do anything else for you?

Yes, you can get out and leave me alone.

All right, if that's the way you feel about it.

Careful, don't hang yourself. Heh.

- Oh! Help, help. - Now, now, that's nothing.

Soon we have you so limber you're like a rubber band.

Oh! You don't understand. I don't wanna learn ballet, it's the girls.

- But you'll like it alter a while. - Ha-ha-ha!

Terry, get me out of this. This guy's crazy.

Ah! Another pupil. Come light over here, my deal sir.

- Hold on. - Limber up and train.

Just a moment, professor. We don't want your invaluable teachings for ourselves.

- We have a troupe of girls. - A troupe. For a troupe, reduced prices.

- It'll be necessary for you to take a trip. - A trip?

- Out of town? - Well, a step or two.

We have a contract to present an exhibition in Paris.

- Oh, Paris. - Yes, Paris.

We've been chosen to represent America at the dance festival at the Paris Exposition.

It so happens that our girls are a little rusty on ballet.

They need some polishing, with a grindstone.

Oh, polishing is very easy.

An opportunity for the Academy Ballé of America.

Academy Ballet? I thought Padrinsky has the Academy Ballet.

Well, there is the Academy Ballet and the Academy Ballé.

- We are the second one. - All our girls are American.

- I see, I see. - That's fine.

When this heaven-sent opportunity arrived, we decided that none other...

None other than Luis Leoni shall be the ballet master...

...to undertake this tremendous job.

- You flatter me. - Oh, no, professor.

You're entirely too modest.

We hope you will flatter us by putting your an above mere money matters.

Money matters, this nothing at all.

- To rise to the greatest heights. - Professor, I can see that light in your eyes.

The light of creation, of artistic genius.

Ah. For years, I've dreamed of this moment.

This shall be the crowning achievement of my career.

Say no more, gentlemen. I'm at your service.

- Professor. - Professor.

I shall tell my class.

I think we got something there.

Whoo-hoo!

I want the ballet class in the rehearsal room immediately.

Gentlemen, my class.

- Some class. - You said it.

Well, we meet again.

Miss Morrow, I introduce to you the impresarios of the Academy Ballet.

Miss Morrow and I had a chance encounter before.

- Yes, how do you do? - Mister...

Mr. Moore. Mr. Dennis.

Moore and Dennis have done me the honor...

...of appointing me ballet master for their organization.

I go to Paris to compete in the dance contest.

So I'm sorry, but the class is pfft. She is no more.

- Oh. - Just a moment, professor. Not so fast.

Miss Morrow, do you do ballet as well as your trapeze work?

Yes, of course. Why have I not thought?

She dances divinely. Naturally, she is my pupil.

- Why shouldn't she go with us? - Thank you, monsieur.

Now, wait a minute, Terry. Don't get that contract-signing fever again.

Our ballerina. We need one, don't we?

Well, I'll admit we gotta have somebody that can do the ballet.

- Well, that's settled. - Miss Morrow, will you go with us?

Do you think I'll be all right? That I'm good enough?

- Oh, I'm sure of it. - Miss Kay, don't hesitate.

Knock, knock, opportunity's here. Embrace her.

- Very well, I'll go if you want me. - Consider yourselves both signed.

We sail tomorrow. Get packed.

Now, not so fast. I need more.

What ballets do we do? Where are the men?

Who is the premier danseur?

We'll leave the routines in your hands.

As for the premier danseur, I have the honor to present Monsieur Dennis.

But he is stiff.

- He needs some limbering up. - No.

You need practice, you must limber up.

- Go away. - Right now, get your things.

I have a job to do.

That's right, professor. Limber him up.

- Thank you, monsieur. - Get him out of here, Terry.

Oh, I'm awfully sorry, Mr. Smith.

I won't be able to go to Coney Island with you...

...on account of because I'm sailing for Paris.

Yes, Paris.

I'm telling you, Gertie, if I could go to Philadelphia...

...and come back with earrings, imagine what I'll bring back from Paris.

No, Pierre. I don't want you to come over.

All I want you to do is tell me how to say yes in French.

Yes, we are here.

Well, that's the last of them.

- Mr. Moore? - Yes?

- Is your first name Telly? - Right.

- I got a warrant for your arrest. - You can't do this to me.

I've got to take the company to Paris, I...

Oh.

- Mona, have you gone out of your mind? - Yeah, I'm just as dumb as a fox.

Got a contract to take the show to Paris at $10,000 and expenses.

And a chance to win a grand prize of $50,000.

- I'll tell you what I'll do. - Yes?

Hurry up, there goes the last call.

I'll call off this court stuff on the condition that you put me in your show...

...and take me to Paris.

How can you go? It will take you two days to pack.

Oh, you think so, huh? Look.

All right, you win.

Okay, boys, let's go. The wrong man, officer.

Beautiful.

- Absolutely beautiful. - Of course, it's Padrinsky.

But I'm glad you appreciate genius, my friend.

It's so inspiring to have such an art lover as a patron.

You said it, pal.

Perhaps, then, you have not forgotten...

...to bring me the check for the new costumes.

It's nothing, $5000.

You get me, pal, when you dance.

Something here, my ticker. It seems to ache.

Like when I last seen that play. What was the name of that play?

- The Face on the Barroom's Floor. - That's it.

When that artist drew his wife's picture on the floor...

...and then fell over dead, that was sad.

Please, let's not discuss that again. Padrinsky's an art by himself.

Sure. Sure, pal. Calm yourself.

Now, don't start popping off again. Calm yourself.

Master, master.

Master, look. Look, read.

- Look at that. - What, what, what?

Academy Ballet? What Academy Ballet?

There is only one, and it's Padrinsky's.

And it's here.

What kind of a double-cross is this? Who are these guys?

They're impostors, fakers.

Stealing our racket, huh?

Trying to cut in on us, huh?

Wait until I get a hold of these guys. I'll murder them.

France has invited Padrinsky and these pigs have gone.

We must expose them.

So they're on a boat, huh?

Okay, pal. How do we get to this boat?

We can't. They've sailed.

Radio the ship, get in touch with Giraud. Tell them a fraud's been pulled on him.

Good idea, send a radio. Padrinsky speaking.

There is no American Academy Ballet...

...but the American Academy Ballet of Padrinsky.

Go.

Wait until I get a hold of these guys. I'll murder them.

The dirty double-crossers.

That can come later. Now we must expose them.

You said it, champ.

Honestly, Terry, for the past two days...

...I've been afraid to move for fear I'd wake up.

Strangely enough, I feel the same way.

Yesterday, I was unhappy and discouraged.

And then you walked in.

Kay, dear, let's go on dreaming.

Let's not let anything or anybody wake us up and spoil it.

Sure you won't forget me?

Forget you?

Although a day with you is quickly gone

You have a way with you

That lingers on

And like a sweet encore

I see your face once more

For all night long

I'm daydreaming

Daydreaming of wonderful you

Constantly, I can see you before me

Then we kiss and you whisper You adore me

And though I know

I'm only daydreaming

Please tell me

I'm not play-dreaming

Tell me I'm not wrong

While I'm daydreaming

All night long

All night long

I'm daydreaming

Daydreaming of wonderful you

Constantly, I can see you before me

Then we kiss and you whisper

You adore me

- And though I know - La la la. la la la

- I'm only daydreaming - La la la, la la la

- Please tell me - La

- I'm not play-dreaming - La la la, hah hah hah hah

- Tell me I'm not wrong - La la la, la la la

- While I'm daydreaming - While I'm daydreaming

All night lung

Honest, it's just darling of you to give us this party.

- Oh, yeah. - It's fun.

It's nothing.

When France sees what beauty I bring to the exposition, then you will see a party.

Oh, Mr. Giraud, I wish I had a big brothel just like you.

Oh, you're fooling.

Why don't they make a law or something to have every American man born in Paris?

- Oh, yeah. - Oh, that's a perfect idea.

You know, for a Frenchman, your English is gorgeous.

- Yeah? - I bet you went to Vassar.

You're spoiling me.

If I was not a sensible man, I would lose my poise. Whoo-hoo.

Come on, girls. let's give three cheers for Mr. Giraud.

Hooray. Hooray.

Hooray. Hooray.

Hold it, kids. Hold it, hold it.

- Mr. Giraud, I've got a big surprise for you. - Huh? Surprise?

Give, boys, give.

Shh, shh.

Shh, shh.

Shh, shh.

Old Mr. Corn

Don't hesitate

Just blow that hum

And syncopate

Old Mr. Swing

Has had his day

But Mr. Corn

He's here to stay

Sure as I'm born

He's here to stay

As you'll agree

When you've heard him play

He's got that thing

It's hot

It's somethin' no one else's got

Who's that man? It's Colonel Corn

All aboard.

All aboard.

Minneapolis.

St. Paul.

Reno.

Another wreck in Reno. Mm-hm.

Omaha.

Waco.

There she comes 'round the mountain A-boilin' like a fountain

A-sweatin' an' a-steamin' in every pore

Her drivers was a-slippin' And old Hankie was a-grippin'

That old throttle as he never had before

Hankie felt dejected When he saw it was expected

Of him to make a freight train fly

So he jumped right out the window And the trouble he was into

And he let the fast express go by

Come on. Get him.

Now there was Hank a-lyin' As the train went by a-flyin'

He raised his head and softly said

"I may have shirked my duty But I got a sweet patootie

That would rather have me home instead"

Bravo, bravo. Marvelous, wonderful symphony.

That's just a clambake.

When Paris hears them, you'll get a medal for bringing us over.

Oh. Believe me, I do not want the medal.

But a kiss from the president that goes with it? Ha-ha.

As you Americans say, you have got something there.

Ha-ha. - Three cheers for Giraud.

Hooray. Hooray.

- Radiogram, Monsieur Giraud. - Oh, thank you.

Excuse me, please. Mm.

Whoo-hoo. Oh. Stop everything. Hey, stop everything.

Stop, stop everything. Here, stop the music.

Here, don't play no more. Put it down.

This is terrible, terrible. Oh, oh.

What's the meaning of this?

- Bad news? - Bad news. I will lead it to you.

“The Academy Ballet you are taking is fraudulent.

And to avoid complications, I demand these impostors be expelled...

...that you substitute the real American Academy Ballet, me, Padrinsky.“

This is terrible. You and Mr. Moore come to my room immediately.

The party is over. Go home, everybody. Go home.

Now, now, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Everything's gonna be all light.

I hope.

That was a lovely moon and a pleasant evening.

I hope we'll have many more of them.

Terry, before I say good night...

...I want you to know, I appreciate everything you've done.

Giving me this opportunity.

Giving you the opportunity? I'm the one who should be grateful. I am.

I'll never let you down. Kay.

You certainly did the first time we met.

- Am I forgiven? - Of course.

All we seem to do is apologize to each other.

Oh, hello.

- What are you doing here? - I came out for the morning milk.

Ha-ha. You know my roommate, I suppose, Mona Vere de Vere.

Yes, we've seen each other off and on.

- Are you girls rooming together? - Mm-hm. Mona suggested it.

We're gonna be pals.

She's gonna show me the ropes. Isn't she a dear?

She'll always be dear to me. I can see that.

Look. why don't you two chickadees come inside and say good night...

...instead of standing in the hall?

- Wouldn't think of putting you out. - You won't. I'll sit and read a book.

Do you read?

Kay, you have a very early rehearsal. Perhaps you'd better go to bed.

All right. Terry, do you mind if I say good night?

What else can I do?

- Good night. - Good night.

Oh, good night, Mr. Moore, and pleasant dreams.

Hey, you're in trouble.

You're telling me.

- Come on, give me a hand. - What's the matter?

You know what happened?

Giraud got a radiogram telling him we're fakes.

- Who tipped him off? - Padrinsky.

The real American Academy Ballet.

Giraud wants to see us in his room right away.

What are we gonna do?

Don't know what you're gonna do. I'm leaving.

Jump off right in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean?

I forgot we were on a boat.

We'll get at least 20 years in the Bastille.

They'll hold the company. They'll put us in irons.

I'm worried about the kids. We got them into this...

...we gotta get them out. - But how?

There he is. I'm not home.

Is Mr. Dennis in?

Where did you get that thing?

This is Von Whimple. I smuggled him on board in the fiddle case.

Yeah? You can smuggle him out of here, we're busy.

Yeah, but we wanna show you our act.

Get that dog out of here or I'll throw him overboard.

You and who else?

Wait a minute.

Isn't this the cigarette girl who wanted to do that ventriloquist act?

- Been talking to herself for years. - She's gonna have her chance.

It's crazy, but goofy enough to work. Bring that dog in.

Thank you. Come on, Von Whimple.

They have ruined me. Oh, they're frauds, impostors.

Oh, they have made a monkey out of me, Monsieur Giraud.

No, that cannot be done again.

- You know what to do. - You bet your boots.

Let's go.

They cannot do it the second time. They won't make two monkeys out of me.

Somebody coming. I think. Come in, come in.

- Good evening, Monsieur Giraud. - Good evening.

Very happy to see you.

No, it is not a good evening. No, no, read this, read this. Uh-huh.

- Oh, a radiogram. - Yeah.

Fine kettle of “how do you do?“ Hoo-hoo-hoo. Do I look angry?

- No. - I am terribly angry, terrible.

I see your point. You're worried. I don't blame you, but I can explain.

There's nothing to it.

- Padrinsky says you're a fraud. - The trick is to prove it.

I can prove it. I believe in radiograms.

You're a fraud, cheat, impostor.

I can never go back to Paris. I'm disgraced.

- I will cut my neck. - Let me explain.

No, you've pulled the grass over my face too many times. You're a fraud.

I'm gonna send you back in fishing smacks.

Get out, get out. And you too.

I think you're making a big mistake, Giraud.

Whoo-hoo!

What was that?

That was Von Whimple, our talking dog.

Oh. I don't believe it. Dogs can't talk.

That's what you say.

Woo-woo.

Keep up the good work, Leticia.

Come on out, Mr. Giraud.

He won't hurt you.

Amazing, terrific, marvelous. But I don't believe it.

A phenomenon that occurs every thousand years.

It's a throwback to the pterodactyl, scientifically known as hyter-morphycillius.

Is that so? I still don't believe it.

He's not only a talking dog, but a deep thinker as well.

We never make an important decision without first consulting Von Whimple.

We wouldn't think of it. Has a mind like a Chinese prophet.

You tell them.

- Ho-ho. Don't sound like Chinese to me. - Come on and shake hands with him.

- He's dying to meet you. - He's dying to meet me? Mm.

Von Whimple, this is Mr. Giraud.

- How do you do, Mr. Whimple? - Fine, thanks. How's yourself?

- He spoke to me. Did you heal him? - Naturally.

- I must have this dog. How much for him? - Sorry, we couldn't sell Von Whimple.

- He wouldn't like that. - He wouldn't?

To show our regard for you, we'll give him as a present.

You'll give him to me as a...? Thank you, that's fine.

Even though you mistrusted us, we'll give him to you.

You need guidance.

If you talk your problems with Von Whimple, you'll never go wrong.

I have a problem, about this Padrinsky. Who is who, what is what, and why is why?

I wouldn't fool you, Giraud. These guys are the McCoy.

Padrinsky's a fake.

Oh, I must wire this impostor. I must radiogram him immediately.

Aha.

Hello, give me the radio room.

Monsieur Giraud, one more thing.

I wouldn't ask Von Whimple any more questions tonight.

He's tired, been doing a lot of thinking.

Oh, no, not one word. not one word, no, no.

- Gonna run along, good night. - Good night.

- Good night, monsieur. - Good night, mademoiselle.

Hello, radio room?

I want to send a radiogram to Padrinsky. New York City. Mm-hm.

My dear Padrinsky.

You're a liar and a cheat. Hoo-hoo. Isn't that right, Mr. Whimple?

You see? You see. he knows.

- Oh. I'm so excited. I can hardly wait. - Look at all those people on the dock.

Look at all the French. Whoo!

- Oh, boy. - I can hardly wait to see Paris.

Girls, girls, stop your talking and give me your attention.

Now, Paris is a grand place. You're going to have a lot of fun there...

...but you'll have to be very, very careful.

- Why. Terry? - Be quiet and I'll tell you.

I hate to sermonize

But I surmise I could advise

A lot of guys who've never seen Paris

So should you take the tip And make the trip

When you arrive, before you slip

Just lend an ear to me

A drop of cognac, an aperitif

And then another and then you're stiff

If you ever promenade the boulevard Be on your guard

It isn't hard to stumble in Paris

Though for your protection They may have gendarmes

How can they keep you away From Mimi's arms

If you're lonely, you're in danger If you happen to be a stranger

In gay Paris

Ah, oui, oui

There are lots of famous places That you'll never get to see

When a pair of lips bonjour you And two beautiful eyes amour you

You will wonder why

So did I

I met her at the Martinique

There isn't much to tell

She was so chic and I was weak

And so I fell for the mademoiselle

And discovered That she was from New Rochelle

Her French was simply frightful But her kisses was so delightful

How she fooled me

Ah, oui, oui

If you're lonely, you're in danger If you happen to be a stranger

In gay Paris

If you're lonely, you're in danger If you happen to be a stranger

In gay Paris

There are lots of famous places That you'll never get to see

When a pair of lips bonjour you And two beautiful eyes amour you

You'll wonder why

So did I

I met he! at the Martinique

There isn't much to tell

She was so chic and I was weak

And so I fell for the mademoiselle

And discovered That she was from New Rochelle

Her French was simply frightful But her kiss was so delightful

How she fooled me

Ah-ha-ha-ha Oui, oui

If you're lonely, you're in danger If you happen to be a stranger

In gay Paris

In Vienna or in Venice There's no feminine form of menace

Like you can see

In Paris

The Frenchmen are so charming Gallant and debonair

You'll find when you are with them They've got everything else but rhythm

They do and dare

So, girls, beware

You may not care for pomme de terre

But their poulet is swell

And all their wine is very fine

You drink the bottle of sparkling Moselle And forget the way to your own hotel

You may be made of iron And resist a lovely siren

But wait till she

Says chérie

If you're lonely, you're in danger If you happen to be a stranger

In gay Paris

And in conclusion, mademoiselles and messieurs...

...France and I welcome the Academy Ballet of America.

France and I open our hearts to you.

And as for Paris, mademoiselle, Paris is yours.

Monsieur Giraud, sit down.

Say, Marge, did you hear that?

He gave us Paris. We own the joint.

My friends and our neighbors.

Seriously...

...I would like to express my, that is, our appreciation...

...not only for this delightful repast, but for the opportunity...

...of bringing to these historic shores the flower of American culture.

- You and who else? - Whoo!

Now, now, now. Don't be silly. Mr. Rambeau.

Of course I'll accept your wallet as a souvenir.

Happy, Kay?

Why shouldn't I be?

I've had a marvelous trip, I'm seeing Paris, and I've met, well, a lot of people I like.

Dukie, this is the swellest party I was ever at.

Them shrimps was just wonderful.

Those were snails.

Snails?

Aaaah-haaa-haaa-haaa.

Oh, but, Monsieur LeBrec, I mean it.

You have such dignity. Yes, you do.

Such a way of throwing out your stomach...

- Chest. Mm. - Ha-ha.

- Thank you, chérie. - Oh, but keep the change, monsieur.

The change? But I have given you nothing.

Oh, but you will.

- Excuse me. - Yes.

Oh. By the way, monsieur...

...I've taken the liberty of inviting your symphony orchestra...

...to honor us with a few selections.

Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

Yes.

We are now to be honored...

...with a selection from your famous American Symphony Orchestra.

Will you excuse me?

- I have business with Monsieur Giraud. - Certainly.

But I will see you all in the morning...

...when I will give myself the honor of attending your rehearsal.

I hope it will not prove embarrassing for you.

Not at all.

Certainly, not at all.

Will you excuse me? I have something to say to Duke.

Yes, of course.

Now we're in for it.

If that guy comes to rehearsal, we're sunk. What are we gonna do?

First, I'm gonna tell Kay the whole truth.

- Good. - What are you gonna do?

- The smartest thing I ever did in my life. - What?

Go out and get pie-eyed.

It's lovely. isn't it?

What?

- Oh, yes, isn't it? - Oh, Terry, look.

What beautiful fireworks.

Not half as beautiful as the fireworks you'll see tomorrow morning.

- Tomorrow morning? Where? - At rehearsal.

There'll be stars and sky rockets and things...

...shooting everywhere after LeBrec gets there.

LeBrec?

Yes, Kay, I've got to tell you the truth.

We're not a ballet outfit.

We never heard of the Academy of Ballet of America...

...until a few weeks ago.

- We've hoaxed Giraud into bringing us here. - Go on.

He thinks we're the Academy Ballet of America...

...when in reality, we're the Ballé Club from 43rd Street.

What's funny about that?

You really didn't think you were fooling me?

- You knew it? - From the first rehearsal.

I get it. Mona told you.

No. she's the only one who didn't.

Terry, did you honestly believe 24 gills could keep a secret like that?

- Oh. - Anyway, it was sweet of you to tell me.

Then you're not angry?

A little, that after you've carried things this far, you'd give up so easily.

What else can I do?

Don't be discouraged. At least, not until you're actually defeated.

We wouldn't be defeated if we'd keep LeBrec away from the rehearsal.

We've got to enter the contest.

We won't win it, but at least we'll get the guarantee for appearing.

Couldn't we call rehearsal off tomorrow?

He'd come to the next one.

- Terry. - Yes?

I've got an idea.

Tomorrow morning, confine the rehearsals to my dances.

We can do three or four routines that Leoni taught me.

And I'm sure I can impress LeBrec.

Kay, you're a genius.

You're a faker.

You're a lovely humbug.

You're an awfully nice fraud.

I'm gonna get a drink. and I'm gonna get that drink...

...if I have to tear this joint apart brick by brick...

...and pile it up on the other side of the street.

I don't know what you want. I do my best.

That's what I want. I'm not gonna tell you again.

I know what you want.

- You want what you want when... - That's it.

But, monsieur...

Mmm!

I don't know what you want.

You in trouble, buddy?

Plenty. This dope don't understand nothing.

- You American? - Sure.

Shake.

Speak this funny lingo?

Sure. Leave it to me.

Okay, skip it.

Why don't you give the man what he wants?

The gentleman don't want a drink.

Well. what does he want?

He wants a boilermaker and his helper.

Then why don't you give it to him, tout de suite?

Where am I going to find them this time of the night?

I get it. Leave it to me.

Funny people, these French.

- You got gin? - Oui, monsieur.

You got a little glass? You got beer?

- You got a big glass? - Of course.

A boilermaker and his helper, you dummy.

Oh, nix, nix.

Monsieur, next time, ask for a steam engine and the engineer.

Wise guy.

Pal, I don't know how to thank you.

Don't mention it.

Sit down.

For fixing me up, I'm indebted to you for life.

Am I right or am I wrong?

Always help an American in distress. That's me.

You're a real pal, all right.

The kind of a guy I'd give my right arm for, up to there.

Where you from?

Canal Street, New York City.

Yeah? I had a brother killed on Canal Street.

- No kidding, pal. - Yeah.

Hey, two more locomotives.

And a fireman.

- Hmm! - Hmm.

Pal, anytime you want help, just call on me.

If you want anybody shot up or anything, I'm your man.

Used to be my business. Triggerman for Baldy Baldwin.

It's confidential, of course.

Oh, I wouldn't mention it to a soul.

Fact is, I'm over here now to shoot a couple of guys.

The double-crossing rats.

There's nothing worse than a double-crossing lat.

Shoot them up good, that's what I say.

I'll make them disappear from the face of the Earth.

I wish I could make somebody disappear.

What's the matter, pal? You in trouble?

There's a guy over here gonna gum up our deal.

I'd like to get rid of him.

Pal, your troubles are over.

Just tell me his name and you're signing his death warrant.

Oh, no, nothing like that. I just wanna get him out of the picture for a while.

How long?

- Couple of days. - Heh.

For me, that's like playing croquette.

I'll clunk him on the button. What's he look like, the rat?

He's got a face like you see in a cigar ad and he talks in a contralto voice.

He's about...

Wait a minute, I got it.

You can't miss him.

When he leaves the hotel tomorrow morning...

...I will give him a brown leather briefcase full of music to carry.

He'll be turning into De Mere Alley. behind the Grand Hotel Du Midi at 10:00.

- Get it? - Sure.

A guy with a brown leather briefcase.

De Mere Alley, 10:00 tomorrow morning. Say no more, pal, I'll be waiting.

- Success. - Success.

He'll be coming

Down the alley when he comes When he comes

Ah. Good morning, Monsieur Dennis.

Mr. LeBrec.

I was just going to your room.

Are you not attending the rehearsal?

- No, I'm sick. Much too sick. - Oh, I am sorry.

- Is there anything I can do for you? - Yes.

Professor Leoni forgot his music and everybody else is gone.

- You mind taking it to the rehearsal hall? - With pleasure.

At your service, monsieur.

Good morning, monsieur.

It's a beautiful day, isn't it? Like spring?

It is spring.

Oh, yes, I'd forgotten. Spring.

Flowers and the bees, the birds in the trees.

If you do not mind, it's early for bad poetry.

- Besides, I've not yet had my coffee. - I can understand how you feel.

Supposing you have coffee, then join us at rehearsal.

Good idea, monsieur.

Here's Monsieur Leoni's music. Perhaps you will take it.

I'll be very glad to. Delighted.

Terry. Terry.

Oh. Professor.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

An important occasion, how can you forget your music?

- My music? But, no. - Yes. But, yes, here it is.

Where are the girls?

Don't worry. You run along, I'll round them up.

- Don't let them be late. - I won't. Goodbye.

Excellent, mademoiselle. Excellent.

Hail the queen.

Hail to the queen.

Hail to the queen.

Hail to the queen.

Come on, kids, break it up.

Go on, back to your rooms.

Make it snappy.

Here we go.

Well, Kay, we certainly did it.

We knocked LeBrec right off his seat.

We did it? All you did was knock your knees together.

Don't be like that, Mona.

I would have flopped if Terry hadn't been there.

Listen, Kay, darling...

...continuing my instructions on how to handle men:

Don't flatter our deal Mr. Moore. It'll ruin him.

You know, his idea right now of perfect contentment...

...is a seat in the hall of mirrors. Hmm.

Don't pay any attention to Mona. She's really very sweet.

Yeah, sweet like a cobra.

- Does she ever talk to you about me? - Well, not very much.

If she does, don't pay any attention. You know, she exaggerates everything.

Mona? Oh, Terry, don't be silly.

Hello.

Yes, just a minute.

Terry, it's for you.

Hello?

Yes, talking.

Who?

The emergency hospital?

What is it?

Luis Leoni?

I'll be right over.

Leoni's in the hospital. Some thug beat him up.

Oh, that's terrible.

- I'll get dressed and be right with you. - Yes, hurry up.

Well, how did you like the way I fixed things up?

Where have you been?

Out fixing things. Yes, that's me, the little fixer.

- It worked out okay, didn't it? - Didn't what?

- LeBrec, LeBrec. - Sure, but what'd you have to do with that?

What did I have to do with it? I kept him away.

You're crazy. LeBrec was at the rehearsal.

He couldn't have been. I had a guy beat him up.

- You what? - Last night, I fixed it.

This morning, I gave LeBrec the music case so the guy could recognize him.

The music case? You idiot.

LeBrec gave me the music case.

- Are you all right? - Yes, but Leoni isn't.

I gave him the case and he's in the hospital.

Hello? What?

Oh. All right.

- Who's that? - LeBrec.

He wants us in his office right away.

I wish we had another dog.

I am more than convinced.

Monsieur Padrinsky, we have been the victim of a gigantic fraud.

- It is most embarrassing. - Thank you, monsieur.

Padrinsky accepts your apologies.

And now, what happens next?

First, I find Monsieur Giraud...

...tell him to tie the Eiffel Tower around his neck and jump to the sea.

- And then? - And then... Ah.

Monsieur Moore and Monsieur Dennis, they are the ringleaders.

They're on their way here. We shall deal with them.

I wonder what old High Pockets wants with us.

He probably wants to give us a check in advance.

We can use it too.

- There's Mike. - Mike who?

Mike, my pal. The thug.

Oh, so that's the guy. I'll bet Leoni's crazy about him.

Look, don't make any cracks.

He's a gunman. a killer.

He likes to shoot people up, but he's a swell guy.

You know the nicest people. Come on.

Hey, buddy. How are you?

My pal.

This is another pal of mine, Terry Moore.

If he likes you, you're okay.

- Thanks, but don't break the hand. - Oh, ha.

- Well, pal, it went off like clockwork. - Yeah, so I heard. Thanks.

Don't mention it. Any time at all.

Want somebody out of the way permanently or temporarily, call on me.

- Thanks. - Let's go if we're going to see LeBrec.

- You guys going in here too? - Yeah.

- So am I. Come on, we go in together. - Yeah.

I didn't think I'd see my pal so soon again.

Monsieur LeBrec, how'd you like our ballerina?

Wasn't she charming?

Monsieur Moore, Monsieur Dennis, let me present Monsieur Padrinsky.

Moore.

Dennis.

Mike, what are you doing with them?

What are you doing with these two crooks who steal our ballet?

- My... - Let's go, let's go.

Stop.

My patron.

I congratulate you.

Call the hotel official.

I'm no longer responsible for Monsieur Dennis and company.

Ask them to kindly throw them all out into the street.

Call the Minister of the Interior.

I wish to speak to him concerning deportation...

...of foreigners who turned out to be frauds.

Tell him I would like him to do it in the most disagreeable way possible.

How do you like this?

Suppose we kidnap Padrinsky and his troupe?

And go to jail for 20 years?

In case you're in doubt, the contest is tonight.

Yes, and we'll be among the missing.

Hello, honey.

What's the matter, Kay?

I've just found out what a sap I've been.

Sap?

Oh.

Well, it's all there, divorce papers included.

I hope you've had a good time making a fool out of me.

I hope it's been a lot of laughs.

Kay...

Oh, no, Kay, wait a minute. Kay.

- Have you seen Terry? - Yes, he's right outside.

- Hello, dear. - You were once married to Mona?

- Huh? - You heard me.

It's the most contemptible trick you could've played.

Doesn't mean anything. We've been divorced for years.

Yes, I know that too, but why didn't you tell me?

I didn't think it was important.

It isn't having been married that I mind. It's being made the butt of a joke.

Being humiliated in front of everyone.

- There wasn't any joke. - Wasn't there?

I don't suppose there's a girl that doesn't know about it.

They've been watching us, laughing at Mona and me.

Waiting to see what happened, enjoying every minute of it.

Be reasonable. I wanted to tell you, but...

But you didn't have nerve. No, that's not your way of doing things.

Your way is to lie and evade and keep undercover.

I thought it was fun about the contest.

I didn't realize that cheating came natural to you.

I didn't know then that you couldn't draw a natural breath without lying.

Kay.

Kay, come here, please, darling.

Kay, you've got to listen to me. Kay, please.

Terry, I didn't tell her, honestly. She found my scrapbook.

That's fine. You certainly fixed things.

Gee, I'm sorry.

Not for you, you lug, for her.

She's one of the sweetest kids I've ever known.

I wouldn't hurt her for anything in the world.

If I could only do something.

You've done enough. You and your scrapbook.

Monsieur LeBrec, please.

Monsieur LeBrec is very busy, mademoiselle. He can't see anyone.

Oh!

Quiet. What is all this noise? What was that?

The lady, monsieur, she has fainted.

Quick. Bring her in here. Quick, quick, quick.

Quick.

- Put her down here, yes. - Put her right down here, yes.

Yes. yes, yes, thank you, thank you. Will you please leave?

Yes, thank you, yes. Mademoiselle, will you fetch a doctor?

Chérie, my poor little bird, drink this.

Oh, really, I'm so ashamed, putting you to all this bother.

Oh, mademoiselle, it is nothing at all.

Oh, but how can I ever repay you?

Why, you are so big and strong and powerful, and I...

I'm so weak.

If mademoiselle would relax completely, perhaps she would get stronger quickly.

No, don't move, please.

Because if you do, I'll pass out just as sure as you're a monkey's uncle.

Pardon, monsieur, if you have co-signed the order...

...from the Minister of the Interior for deportation of Americans...

...the police are here.

Tell them I'll be with them in a moment.

Pardon, Chérie. This is business.

Please, Monsieur LeBrec, you can't do this.

Can't? But why?

Because the dance festival's tonight.

Wait, mademoiselle. Now I place you.

You are one of the bogus American Ballet whom I intend to deport.

Well, it's true we're not the real Academy Ballet, but we're just as good.

That has nothing to do with it.

You and your ringleaders entered France under misrepresentation.

Oh, I know. but this means everything to us.

Just to dance in your festival...

...whether we win it or not will mean jobs for us when we go back home.

And think of me.

Do you realize if you deport me that I might even have to go to jail?

Oh, if only this Padrinsky...

...and this Mike Coogan hadn't already appeared.

And the newspapers.

Do you realize that it the newspapers get this...

...France will be the laughingstock of the world?

They must not laugh at France.

Now, you wait here, mademoiselle. I will speak with the police.

But I warn you.

They already have their orders and they are very strict.

Ah.

I have the honor to inform you it is too late.

The police already have their instructions and must do their duty.

Here are the orders.

Exquisite.

Absolutely exquisite.

It's Padrinsky.

- Pardon, we are looking... - What's the idea, you guys?

This ain't no service club.

What's the interruption? Padrinsky wants to know.

Oh, are you Monsieur Padrinsky?

Monsieur nothing. I'm Padrinsky, the artist.

And I'm Mike Coogan, his financial backer. Who are you?

A gendarme, monsieur.

I have orders to deport both of you along with the rest of your troupe.

- You are both under arrest. - There must be some mistake.

We are the Academy Ballet of America and we dance at the festival tonight.

You guys are crazy. You don't want us.

You want a couple of guys and a bunch of girls who are pretending they're us.

- You are Padrinsky? - The one and only.

- And you are Mike Coogan? - Correct.

And you're looking for two guys...

...by the name of Terry Moore and Duke Dennis.

Mm-hm. And in finding you two, we have found all four.

You girls please kindly dress and also come with us.

- Say, wait. There must be some mistake. - Enough of that.

You are under arrest.

Will you get dressed or shall I take you the way you are?

Now, look, let me handle this. I've been in spots like this before.

If we go along with you and convince them that everything's okay...

...you'll let us come on back and rehearse.

Absolutely, if monsieur can convince the authorities...

...that there has been a mistake, you will be released in 36 hours.

Thirty-six hours? Where are you taking us?

Authorities at Le Herve, first train tonight.

That means you won't be able to dance at the festival tonight.

I am going crazy.

I am going crazy.

Padrinsky is nuts.

Please, Kay, if you'll only let me talk to you for a minute...

...I can explain everything.

You see, Mona and I were married when we were kids.

We realized we'd made a mistake, so we were divorced five years ago.

I meant to tell you from the start. Don't you believe me?

Of course, darling. Stick your head through a keyhole, I'll give you a kiss.

For the love of France, will you kids lay off?

Kay, dear, are you listening?

All right.

I'm gonna sit here until you give me some sign that you understand.

That you'll let me talk to you and explain the whole thing.

Oh, please, Kay, just one little sign.

Hey. wake up.

- Is it raining? - Yeah, buckets-full.

I'm fed up with Paris, the dance contest, everything. We're going home.

What are you gonna use for tickets. banana skins?

They wanted to deport us, didn't they? Let them, we'll give ourselves up.

All right. It's okay with me.

But I'm gonna walk you around and dry you off.

- Maybe you'll change your mind. - Not a chance. Come on.

Don't go away.

Kids. Hey, kids.

Hey, come on down, will you? I wanna tell you something.

- I have to tell you... - I know.

You've been chased. I knew our luck was gonna change.

Padrinsky and his troupe have been arrested. Gonna be deported.

Where's Telly?

Went to see a cop about getting us deported.

Oh. the nitwit. What did he do that tor?

- I don't know. I guess he's fed up. - Well, we have one more chance.

I want you to get the girls together, round up the Schnickelfritzers.

Pile them in taxis and bounce to the exposition.

What are we gonna do without Terry and Duke?

Never mind about them. Do as I tell you. We haven't a minute to lose, go on.

Yeah, but we can't do any ballet without Leoni.

Forget the ballet, baby.

Whether Paris likes it or not, we're gonna do this our way. Now hurry up, go on.

Hello. operator. Give me the police station.

Before being so quick to give ourselves up, maybe we better try...

...being stowaways on a boat for America.

Nothing doing. We said we'd give ourselves up, that's what we'll do.

All right. have it your own way.

There's a cop now.

- Still wanna go through with it? - Absolutely.

- Let me do the talking. - Okay.

I'll get us arrested quick.

I been through this before.

Hiya, pal.

We're the two Americans that brought that phony ballet to the exposition.

Ah, ah.

The exposition? Oh, it is grand, indeed.

No, no, no. You don't understand.

I'm Terry Moore and this is Duke Dennis. We brought a fake ballet over here.

Ballet. Don't you understand?

Ballet.

Messieurs can dance?

This flatfoot doesn't understand us at all.

We got to get arrested somehow.

I got an idea.

Terrible. Very bad.

You see?

Dennis. Moore.

The American.

Now I remember.

Certainment, you are wanted. All the police in Paris are looking for you.

Taxi. Taxi.

Bravo.

Hurry up. One, two, three.

Keep on going, kids. Right.

Come on, kids, make it snappy.

Hey, wait, wait, wait. They're here, the Americans are here.

- They're here? - Yeah, they're here.

- Where's the dressing room? - How much time we got?

Here you are, monsieur.

- This isn't a jail. - It's a theater.

- What's the idea? - You will have to find out.

All that I know is that every gendarme in Paris...

...was ordered to bring you here soon as you are located.

Say, maybe it's a trap.

We'll soon find out what it's all about.

Come on, gals, it's only a few minutes longer.

- Mademoiselle... - Terry.

- Mona, what are you doing here? - Terry, there isn't time to explain.

- We go on next. - On next?

First call. American Academy.

- Go on, please. Make it snappy. - Come on.

Look, pal.

Listen, maybe you can understand me.

For the 9000th time, I been telling them they got the wrong guys.

I'm Mike Coogan, see?

These are the ballet dancers and he is Padrinsky, see?

I'm Padrinsky. I am America.

I mean, I'm the American Academy Ballet. I'm going crazy.

I'm insane.

- And phooey on you. - Hold it, champ.

Now, the other guys, the ones you want are Terry Moore and Duke Dennis.

- Right? - Right, monsieur.

- Then what's the idea of holding us? - It is you we want.

Oh, me, Padrinsky.

When I should dance, I'm surrounded by stupid oxen.

- Hold it, chief. - I...

Look. I'm Mike Coogan...

...these are the ballet dancers, and he is Padrinsky.

Right? Then we ain't Moore or Dennis.

Monsieur, you can't fool us. It says so in the papers.

I die immediately.

I no longer can breathe.

I am dead.

Look, pal, can see I those papers?

Look, it says “alias.“

Listen, there's been a mistake. We ain't alias anybody.

These two guys are two other mugs, and they wrote our names ahead of theirs.

Look, LeBrec can prove we are us.

Just take us to LeBrec. That's all we ask.

Perhaps there has been a mistake, monsieur.

We go to the exposition to see Monsieur LeBrec.

Thanks. Your Honor. You're a guy that understands.

Wait till I get those two mugs. We're going to the main event.

Come on, people.

Mike, wait for Padrinsky.

Last call, American Ballet.

Dance slow. Dance slow. Dance slow.

Oh. Ho-ho-ho. Leoni, what are you doing here?

Ah. Monsieur Giraud.

Oh, Monsieur Giraud, I'm so excited, I'm so nervous.

- My heart, she bleeds. - Hmm.

In the hospital, Leoni's in bed.

Suddenly, brr, telephone, she rings. Psst!

I'm up. I go to the phone. Who is it?

- I don't know. - Mona.

She says everything is fixed. Our ballet is on. So I take motorcycle.

- I come here. - Same thing...

...I'm in the wine cellar, glug, drinking wine.

Telephone rings... I answer it. It's Mona.

She tells me everything is all right.

- Oh, three cheers for our ballet. Hooray. - Hooray. Hooray.

They've come to stop the show. What'll we do?

I don't know, I don't know.

I'll murder them.

Overture, American Ballet, places.

Overture, American Ballet, places.

Hurry, hurry, hurry, girls, come on. On the stage.

Ah. Now we shall see something. The great American, Padrinsky.

On the roofs of Paris

What a view you can see

As you gaze silently far and wide

But perhaps I will drop

When I get to the top

So I think I'll stop and go inside

- I beg your pardon. - Yes?

I'm sorry, but this is my studio.

Please, don't apologize.

- Well, I hope I'm not intruding. - Not at all.

What are you doing here?

- I'm trying to find the roof. - What for?

I want to do Paris For there are things to see

And if you don't show me It would be a pity

But we don't need to go

For in my studio I'm all equipped to show the city

Come on and watch me

Closely

You'll see

Just what I mean

I'll paint you a scene

I think the place to start Would be the quaintest part

That section called Montmartre The Latin Quarter

I simply flick my wrist And give the brush a twist

There goes Ooh la la la

Ooh la la la Ooh la la la

Ooh la la la

I love the way you paint You take a gal who ain't

And paint her as a saint

For just a quarter

She poses just for art She does it from the heart

She does it a la carte

You taught her!

That gal from Armentieres Who's been around for years

Will show you souvenirs The soldiers bought her

She owes a lot of thanks To quite a lot of Yanks

For what a lot of francs they brought her

- Come on and parlez - Ooh la la

Ooh la la Ooh la la

- Their way - Ooh la la

Ooh la la

Ooh la la la

That's all the Frenchmen sing That's how they have their fling

That's how the Frenchmen swing The Latin Quarter

They're 50 million strong

And they can't all be wrong

Let's all

Ooh la la la

Ooh la la la la la la la

La Ia Ia

So this is gay Paris Come on along with me

We're stepping down to see

The Latin Quarter

Put on your old beret Let's sing the Marseillaise

And put our wine away

Like water

- Come on and parlez MEN: La la la la la la

Their way

Ooh la la la

That's all the Frenchmen sing That's how they have their fling

That's how the Frenchmen swing The Latin Quarter

They're 50 million strong And they can't all be wrong

Let's all Ooh la la la

Ooh la la la Ooh la la la

Ooh la la la Hey

It looks like our back alley

But I still love it more

For when the gals meet you Down at the pier

They wear less than the ladies do here

If the day and the vision is clear You can see the shore, oh

I wanna go back to Bali Where there ain't such a word as no

Where to hug and squeeze a Balinese ls always apropos

The Interlaken Valley May be the place to go

Still! wanna go back And I'm gonna go back to Bali

I wanna go back to Bali To that island of sunny skies

You can see those scenes in magazines

But you can never see the flies

it looks like our back alley

But still I love it more

For when the gals meet you Down at the pier

They wear less than the ladies do here

if the day and the vision is clear

I wanna go back to Bali

Where there ain't such a word as no

Where to hug and squeeze a Balinese ls always apropos

The Interlaken Valley May be the place to go

Still I wanna go back And I'm gonna go back

Wanna go back And I'm gonna go back

Wanna go back And I'm gonna go back to

Bali

Bravo.

Bravo.

Bravo. Bravo.

And now, it is my honor to inform you...

...that the committee have unanimously awarded the grand prize...

- ...to you and your American Bali girls. - Oh.

Bravo.

Just a moment, Monsieur LeBrec.

While I deeply appreciate all this, the honor belongs to someone else.

All the credit and glory for our success goes to Miss Kay Morrow.

Mademoiselle, congratulations.

Ah-ah. Monsieur, I'll take care of that.

Bravo.

Ha-ha. I'm glad to see you. We are big success.

Big success for Paris and big success for France.

Ho-ho. Come, my boy.

What's the matter, pal? You're not rushing away?

Oh, no, we're on our way to get a kiss from the president.

- Did you say something, then? - You heard me, beetle-brow.

Your ears don't meet.

Uh--

They couldn't fool us, could they, Whimple, eh?

Whoo-hoo.

- Whoo-hoo. - Whoo-hoo. Whoo-hoo.

Whoo-hoo.