Original subtitles

Wakey wakey frosted flaky.

Hey brought you a special present Come on Storytime chicken

nugget Rise and shine. Here we go.

Clear eyes full hearts. Can't lose Welcome back What's

going on? Wait a minute?

Where am I?

Who dressed me? I did.

I'm a big fan of bears

I'm not wearing pants.

When's the last time you saw a bear wearing pants?

What the f... Easy now. Hey, the only F-bomb we're using around here is Fred

Savage.

Now, I want you to take a deep breath and listen to me very carefully,

Frederick. You're in a PG-13 version of Deadpool 2, which means we only get two

s***, one f***, and a glass of white wine.

Are you bleeping yourself?

You bet your f***ing voice and little f*** I am.

That seems weird that you would do that yourself.

Please stop that.

Sorry.

Did you reconstruct the bedroom set from the Princess Bride?

Inconceivable! Oh, God. Yeah, I always wanted to say that.

Felt real good.

Why am I here?

Well, the reason that you're voluntarily here is so I could read you the story of

Deadpool 2, filtered.

through the prism of childlike innocence.

I'm a grown man. And nobody does childlike innocence like you, Fred.

Nobody. I need you almost as much as you need me. I don't need you at all. You

need me to untie you once we're done.

Hey, easy, sugar mouth.

This thing will go all day, all right? Lithium ion batteries.

Hey, you are going to love this story. I promise you. It's got fencing, fighting,

revenge, giants, monsters, true love, and miracles.

Now.

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Deadpool who starred in a surprisingly

popular movie, which, in an industry dominated by the exploitation of

existing brands, demanded an immediate sequel.

And believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. True story.

And every good family film starts with a vicious murder.

Bambi, The Lion King, Saw VII, really anything from Disney.

And this family film is no different.

Anyway, you know I get paid to take out bad guys, right?

Well, this guy... He was one of the worst of them.

A panic

room?

Really? Can you come out?

I really have to go. It's my anniversary.

Over and over I hear people say, I just don't have enough confidence.

Listen, confidence is not something you have. It's something you create.

And you can create it at any moment in time.

A sense of confidence is nothing but a sense of power within yourself. Start

that car!

Start that car!

Do Pinder!

Start that car!

Oh,

I shit my pants. Actually,

that may have been me.

Oh, mission accomplished?

Well, let George W. sort away.

Can't stay in a panic room forever. Oh, you're living the dreams, DP.

It has been quite the run, Dopinder. And who'd have thought?

Now I'm talked about in the same sentence as Jesus.

And it.

Passion of the Christ, then me. At least domestically. We beat them overseas,

where there's no such thing as religion.

I do want to live the dreams, pool boy.

Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks.

I want to fill my... Pockets?

What's your poison?

Little, uh, Instagram?

Can't maintain focus without buying shoes online?

Never experienced that last one.

Talk to me, Goose. I was going to say soul.

I want to fill my soul. I want to belong to something like you, Pulsar.

Lavender? You never cease to surprise me.

You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary.

We all need a sense of belonging. We all need a genuine sense of home, a place...

I want to become a contract killer. I'm sorry. What did you say?

Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu and threatened him with great violence? You

kind of killed him. And then remember the movie interview with the vampire?

Don't want to. When Tom Cruise fed 10-year-old Kirsten Dunn's blood for the

first time and she looked up at his smooth, handsome face and said,

I want some more.

Oh, fool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.

I'll never not picture that.

But I can't wait to never speak of this as soon as possible.

We're here.

You're my Tom Cruise.

And you're my Kirsten Dunst.

Kirsten? Kirsten?

Sorry I'm late.

There was a bunch of handy, capable children stuck in a tree. Nope.

You're right. I was rounding up all the gluten in the world and launching into

space where it can't not hurt us ever again.

Try again.

Diarrhea?

We can't be sure till I get the suit off, but all signs point to yes.

Kiss me like you miss me, Red.

Well, come here.

Aren't you going to say it?

Say what?

You know, the... The thing.

What? Part.

You know.

You want to say the thing? Oh, you want to say that from the... No. Is this a

kissing part? I'm not going to say that. Why?

Because I don't think that's gross anymore. I'm not 12, and I think a kiss

is a very sweet, loving gesture between two people.

Unlike taping someone to a bed and kidnapping.

I did not kidnap you! All right?

I like to call it unsolicited location enhancement.

Whatever. Yeah. Ball gag.

I'm just saying that if you're gonna force me to sit here and listen to this

crap, I'm gonna have thoughts, okay? I'm gonna opine about things, all right? I'm

an actor. I'm a director. I know. I love Modern Family so much.

The point is, you need to anchor the story in believability, and I just don't

believe that she'd be kissing you. I mean, she's gorgeous, and you're like,

you know, if Rocky Dennis had a baby with lava.

Hey.

Zip it.

All right, we already pay someone to say stuff like that to me, okay? And you're

wrong, because she would kiss me. She loves my insides.

Trust me.

We all saw the first movie.

You know, I didn't.

I kind of prefer Marvel movies.

We are Marvel. Yeah, but you're, you know, Marvel licensed by Fox.

It's like if the Beatles were produced by Nickelback.

It's music, but it sucks.

Let's check on the nose for blood there.

I love Nickelback.

You get your dirty mitts off Chad Kroger, and the joke's on you because

Fox is being bought by Disney.

Mouse ears.

I think that puts the joke on you.

Ears closed, mouth open. You were nicer as a kid.

Now, where was I?

Right.

Wade swept Vanessa into his finely toned arms, and she kissed him with an

expression that could mean only one thing.

True love.

I want to shower and get out of this suit.

In that order.

Don't you want your surprise?

Do I look like a patient burn victim?

I got one for you, too.

Happy anniversary, baby.

Open, open, open, open, open.

It's a skee-ball token.

Our first date.

Yep.

That's genuine, high-grade lead.

Open yours.

Well, that's... That's just the most beautiful thing that I've ever... I

don't know what this is.

My IUD.

A bomb?

No, dick for brains. My birth control device.

You mean your... Baby factory's open for business.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! I want a boy or a little girl. Definitely one or the other.

Oh, and I want our kid to have only one name.

Like Cher or Todd.

You gotta put a baby in me first, cowboy.

Yes, I do.

Let's watch some porn and show that bed to his boss. Let's do that.

Papa, can you hear me?

Papa, can you see me?

Does this song sound familiar to you?

May.

Connor, if it's a boy.

May, if it's a girl.

So weird.

Family was always an F word to me.

Pile of shit father took off and bailed.

I mean, it's not like I have a lot of strong role models to draw off of for

Todd.

Hey, look at me.

You are not your father.

Besides, I will never, ever...

Let our child be named Todd.

But here's the thing. Isn't that how it always works?

Like in Star Wars, men are destined to become their father.

And then have consensual sex with their sister.

I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie.

No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her.

Maybe that's Empire.

The point is, kids, they give us a chance to be better than we are.

Better than we... used to be you're a lot smarter than i look i'm gonna go

make dessert then let's make a super baby what

about crystal but with a k it's too strippery kevin with a k

no too strippery too uh earl he's gonna go straight

to jail if you name him earl

What about Bruce, you know?

Get down. What?

Baby?

Baby?

Okay.

Thank God I didn't have to use the cream cheese spreader.

Wait, wait a minute.

You fridged Vanessa?

Fridged? I don't know what that means.

It's a comic book trope in which the wife or the girlfriend of the hero dies

in order to further said hero's motivation or story.

Well, that sounds misogynistic. Yeah. It reduces the woman to a plot device,

existing in the film for no other reason than to serve as a source of pain for

the hero.

Like Mufasa in The Lion King.

Yeah, that's right. Like Mufasa from The Lion King.

You got it.

Ha-ha!

Papa, can you hear me?

Is this just me, or do you want to build a snowman from Frozen sounds

suspiciously like Papa, can you hear me from Yentl?

Papa, can you hear me?

Wait, you've been here for three days, okay?

Go home, take a shower. You smell like Rush Limbaugh's couch cushions after

Shark Week. I love Frozen.

I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water.

An ocean is water.

More importantly, I liked her.

I really liked her, you know?

George Michael's right. I'm never gonna dance again.

Oh, God.

He's dead, too.

We still have Bowie. Mr. Paul David Bowie is... Still with us.

We do.

We still have Bowie.

I'm sorry.

Shot after shot, it's not gonna change the fact that I think you're... Are you

pissing? Are you urinating right now? You're making the face that you make

when you urinate.

Is he pissing? I'm on it.

There you go. It's open there.

If you want to be a contract killer, you gotta handle a mop before you handle a

gun. Although I don't quite understand how they are at all similar.

Well, they both have handles. Now leave me.

Go home, Wade.

I don't have a home. You know, I'm gonna... Okay, I'm fine. I'm fine.

You know what fine stands for, Wade?

F'd up, insecure, needy, and emotional.

According to the... Kubler-Ross?

Yeah. According to the Kubler-Ross model, denial is just one of the five

stages of grief. Jesus Christ, Buck.

No more speaking lines for you.

I'm thinking it over.

Mother!

What the hell are you doing here?

Don't you know how to knock?

I thought you saw me.

With your ears.

Lucky I didn't shoot you in the... The wall?

The refrigerator?

I heard the news, sweetie.

I'm very sorry, I am.

What am I gonna do, Al?

Probably something terrible.

Knowing you.

It was my fault.

I did this.

And all I want to do is grab her and see her and tell her that I'm sorry and I

can't.

She's gone.

Now look, sugar.

You need to just keep living.

Thank you.

Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure.

Listen to the pain.

It's both history teacher and fortune teller.

Pain teaches us who we are, Wade.

Sometimes it's so bad, we feel like we're dying.

But we can't really live till we die in a little county.

Precious, aren't they?

Whoa!

Are you a superhero?

You bet your pigtail, sweetie.

What's your name?

Captain Delicious Pants.

Who's Captain Delicious Pants?

No, no, no, no, no. Come on. There's like a hundred benches around here. Go

find enough. Beat it.

It's a free country.

You're right.

It is a free country. Hey, I wanted to say I loved your working up.

I'm sorry?

No.

I'm sorry.

Whoa!

What? You don't like up?

There's got to be some way to die.

I just need to die harder.

Trademark Fox.

Ness? Ness?

Ness!

Ness, there's something here. I can't get to you.

Your heart's not in the right place.

Wait, hold on. What?

Your heart's not in the right place.

What do you mean my heart's not in the right place? Turns out I can die a

little. I just can't stay dead.

I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade.

You were broken.

Oh, I know that voice.

Heart's in the right place.

Hartzner, what does that mean?

You've been asleep for three days.

I took the liberty of dressing you. No kidding.

Why can't I finally die?

Take your mask off, Wade.

We must talk.

You need fresh start.

With training, you can be X-Men.

You're wasting your time, Shiny Jesus.

I'm not X-Man material.

Understatement of the year.

Wade, Yukio.

Yukio, Wade.

What in the fudge-sicle is this?

She's my girlfriend, you intolerant sh... Whoa!

Whoa! Pump the hate brakes, Fox and friends.

I'm just surprised anyone would date you. Especially Pinkie Pie from My

Little Pony.

I like this guy.

Give him a chance.

It's great seeing you like this.

Yeah.

Now, some ground rules while under our roof.

Rule number one.

No killing.

Anyone. Ever.

No matter how bad.

Rule two.

Label everything in the refrigerator.

Wade?

Wade?

Wade! Don't try to chase me!

I'm ready to be touched again.

All these elderly white men on the walls.

Should have brought my rape whistle.

Those were already damaged after they fell there!

What am I supposed to do around here anyway? Sit in a share circle, talk

about my feelings?

And how would I do that exactly?

Because... Where the hell is everyone?

It's always just you and Negasonic Teenage Longest Name ever.

I said no touching.

You'd think the studio would throw us a bone.

One that doesn't end up in my mouth.

The first movie made more money than the guy who invented pants.

Okay, they can't just dust off one of the famous X-Men. How about that putz

with the giant pigeon wings?

What do those do anyway, huh? Carry him three feet off the ground to snatch up

the nearest muffin crumb?

No, no, no, no, no.

No. I am not X-Men material at all.

First off, I'm not even a virgin.

Second, and more... I should have left you in a self-pitying mess I found you

in. But this is what friends do. They show up.

Not when convenient or easy.

Went hard.

And you always make it hard.

You are unwell.

I'm sticking my neck out bringing you here. Wait. One of the assholes who

killed Vanessa got away.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I thought you were gonna kiss me for a second there.

Please, no, I wouldn't be able to stop you if you did. Wait.

Whoever they are, we track them down and bring them to justice.

It was me.

I'm the asshole who got away.

I killed every last one of them, except me.

Couldn't kill me.

We were gonna start a family.

You know, we were, uh... We were gonna be a family.

Wait.

Vanessa is gone.

She's not coming back.

This may not be family you want, but it's family you need.

You have a good heart. It belongs here, where it can grow.

What did you say?

About my heart?

I think I'm in the right place.

Whoa, Cable?

You got Cable?

If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you're getting into this.

You know Cable?

Uh, the biological son of Cyclops and Madeline Pryor, Jean Grey's clone, half

-brother to Rachel Summers and Nate Grey, raised as the Asgani son and

genetic template for strife.

From a possible alternate timeline, having been taken as an infant to the

future and infected with a techno-organic virus, I hope you have

given this deeply nuanced and richly layered backstory its due.

Yeah, we're covering the time travel stuff.

We have eight weeks of boot camp ahead of us, men.

That'll get us toned and prepared for all manner of combat.

Not working out at all.

Masking tape.

It is no friend to chilled aluminum.

Velcro. Color-coded, efficient, environmentally friendly.

Who is he talking to?

Why is he dressed like a registered sex offender? Can we focus for a moment,

ladies? Please, we need to talk about next month's meal plan.

Obviously, everyone hated the ceviche. I read the suggestion box.

That's on me. I'm gonna stop you right there.

I see through this weak act.

You may have fooled Colossus with this nice guy shit, but not me.

Don't be mean.

Back off, NTW.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Let her go.

Let her go. It's okay. She has a right to be skeptical.

Look at me.

I'm an easy target.

You know, historically, mischief has been my mistress.

So I understand.

But I like to think that you guys have really rubbed off on me.

I like to think that I've rubbed off around you, too.

A lot.

And for the first time in a long while...

I accept your apology.

I never apologized.

I was talking to your heart.

See? You're not lost cause you thought.

I'm proud.

You're everything I knew you can be. Thank you, Colossus.

Just trying to be the world's best X-man. Sorry, X-person.

Hmm. Something wrong with the soap.

It's fine.

I just filled it. Give it a few more pumps there.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's dust bunny season.

And I'm hunting wabbits.

Bye, Wade.

Wade.

Wade.

Wade. Wade, I was just taking Cerebro for a spin here. Looking deep into the

future. This thing.

That's not how Cerebro works.

Yes, yes, it is.

We have mission. We have mission.

We do.

You do. You guys be safe out there. No.

I want you to join. No, you want me to join.

I'm sorry, what?

You are ready.

That's a terrible idea and it's gonna end badly. Be at the exit in five.

Irene Merriweather, WHIT News, live here at a breaking news situation at the

Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation. A mutant boy is appearing to have some

sort of an incident with police here behind me.

There are two police vehicles that are overturning the three open fires.

I'll burn you!

You stay back!

it appears as if the x-men are arriving with scatter what appears to be a

trainee everyone calm down the pros are here i were the x-men dated

metaphor for racism in the 60s so respect at ease officer

what are you doing my job you're the one who said i was ready and i

frankly disagree with you But here we are, trying to overcome our differences.

Like Beyonce says, please, please stop cheating on me. Hey, this is the fifth

incident. This kid needs to be in the icebox, not here.

Russell belongs in our care, not in prison.

I assure you, we have everything under control.

Not getting a real under control vibe here, Marty. It is Glenn, isn't it?

Daniel. I'll ask the questions, Miguel.

Let me talk to the kid.

You stay here with your weird...

Secret sex lips.

You want to die! This kid's adorable.

I don't know why I packed the hollow points. I'll burn your arms off! First

day. I'm so nervous.

Did you just say hollow points?

Yeah. Probably should have brought a super soaker.

Hi there.

Stay back or Justin Bieber dies.

Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber.

Hold on. Wait, wait, wait.

Okay, let's not do whatever that is.

Okay? Let's just talk. It's Russell, right?

Fire fist.

Fire fist. Ooh, that's a great name. Where does it burn? Just the fist or all

the way up to the elbow?

Definitely all the way up to the elbow.

Come quietly, or there will be trouble.

You stole that from Robocop. It's Robocop. Just stand down.

You're embarrassing me. Look.

Fire fi...

I can't say it. I'm so sorry.

Oh, my God. That does it.

Put your hands behind your knees and get down on your head now.

Wait. What was first rule? Label everything in the refrigerator.

Do not escalate.

Rules are meant to be broken.

That's the exact opposite of what they're meant for.

Come on. Fine.

I'll start from the beginning.

My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man. Trainee!

Shut it!

Look, I get it.

All right, you're scared, alone, you got no family. What, I didn't have a family

either, and you live in this dump. Well, guess what? I used to live in a shithole

just like it.

But you know something?

To make matters worse, it's a confusing time in your life right now. Your body

is going through some fiery changes.

Too far. I went too far.

That was effervescent.

Stay in school, kid.

Or don't. I didn't.

I'm an X-Man.

Trainee.

Superhero landing.

Coming up!

Ooh!

Oh! Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch. Oh, God, that hurts.

Get used to this X-Man shit.

Trainee! Trainee!

Got a power restraint on him, now!

Calm down, Squirt. It's over. We got you.

What's that do?

Power dampening collar.

Shuts down all mutant abilities.

Can't get it off.

Unless you've got a grenade.

Huh.

Could've used one of those in the first act.

Thank you.

That was absolutely thrilling.

True heroism in action.

We are in your debt.

We can take it from here.

Take me to the icebox, please.

Anywhere's better than here. Believe me, son, you do not want to go to the

icebox. Let's get you inside, young man.

No, no, wait, wait, wait.

You just... You guys stay there.

Those guys hurt you?

Who?

Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?

Both of them?

Ah, screw it. Four or five moments!

I'm sorry?

Four or five moments.

That's all it takes to be a hero.

People think you wake up a hero.

Brush your teeth a hero.

Make love to a soap dispenser a hero.

But no, being a hero takes only a few moments.

A few moments doing the ugly stuff no one else will do.

No!

Boom!

What?

What did you do?

That kid was abused.

You can tell. You can always tell. We have rules.

You are not judge, jury, or executioner. Forget your rules.

I fight for what's right.

And sometimes you gotta fight dirty.

You've let me down for the last time, boy.

Get these guys in the pod.

Take them to the icebox.

Wonder what gang I'll be in.

Is there like a sorting hat?

I've always seen myself as more of an East Coast Hufflepuff.

I've made a critical error on my Airbnb reservation.

This is not what the website looked like at all.

I love the decor, though. I had no idea hopeless was a color. Hard left,

douchebag.

Please, after you.

Another disgusting minority off the streets.

We'll sleep well tonight. Let's get a bagel.

Nighty night, you annoying prick.

But I'm going to tell you what the big lie is.

Toilet paper.

Toilet paper is a plenty fine appetizer.

But then, Huggies Natural Care Wet Wipes.

That's your main course.

They're soft. They're moist.

They're for babies.

Finally, one more pass with toilet paper. Maybe clear out that excess

moisture. Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go if you can get you a hair dryer.

Just about 30 seconds will do you good.

What?

What year is it?

What kind of dummy question is that to ask?

You're a

long

way from your superpowers.

Yeah.

I wanted to be a superhero.

Always wanted a real super suit.

What happened?

When was the last time you saw a plus-size superhero?

Never.

The industry discriminates.

Forget superheroes.

The first thing I want to do when I get out of here, burn that headmaster alive,

and then take a savvy with a smoldering corpse.

Who says prison isn't reformative?

What did he do to you?

He thinks we're evil.

I said I'm a wicked...

Your abilities.

I know how seductive they are.

Tomorrow,

we'll find the biggest guy in here.

And we'll make him out, but... What was that?

That is the biggest guy in here.

Fun fact about the icebox.

Though no one's ever seen it, they keep a monster in the basement, right next to

a huge steaming bowl of foreshadowing.

Look, I can't protect you with this collar on. My superpower is just

unbridled cancer.

Give me a bow and arrow, I'm basically Hawkeye.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got tumors to grow.

Vanessa awaits.

I'll start by making us a shank.

Good listening.

i saw that god's pen and stashed in the old prison wallet if you know what i'm

saying prison wallet i really hope i don't know what you're saying

and to update you

on the story reported earlier after a lengthy standoff outside the essex house

for mutant rehabilitation two mutants were arrested and transported entering

repair mode

Don't do that.

What? Why are you winking at me?

I got your back.

Oh, my God.

You're sick. I gotta protect you.

Just leave me alone, kid.

Oh, great.

Well, hello there, new fish.

It's nice to see some fresh faces around here.

I've done some light catalog work, but really, modeling is just a stepping

stone to acting.

I'm stopping to act. Oh.

We met?

Can't place your mustache.

Black Tom Cass.

White Wade Wilson.

What's your superpower?

Cultural appropriation?

You're supposed to be the toughest con in here.

You don't look like much to me.

First rule of the yard.

Find the biggest guy and make him your... Second biggest

guy.

Last thing I need is more hepatitis. Oh, it's slippery, too.

This table needs a wipe down.

You get a wipe down on the table?

Kid, I think you picked the wrong side.

No, I didn't.

He's my friend.

Zip it. We're not friends.

Take a seat, shit dick.

I had

so

much fun. You were like, and I was like, let's take a seat, shit dick. Just let

me die in peace.

a great team.

We're not a team.

Why'd you say that back there?

We're friends.

Partners. We're not partners. We're friends.

This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset. It ends with me dying of cancer

and you winning the icebox award for most pinchable cheeks.

There's only one person in this world that I care about and she's gone.

You know, you want to survive?

Stop trying to shake the biggest guys in here.

And make friends with them.

Make friends with someone.

Anyone but me.

Maybe even Black Tim.

Black Evan. I don't know. All I remember is he was African American.

Everybody radio in at this moment.

System malfunctioning. Cell 7, 12, 14, 17.

Get in there! 1, 3, 7, 8.

Searching.

Cell 0, 4, located.

That was our cell.

What did I do to piss off a grumpy old guy with a winter soldier arm?

Get away from me, kid.

Listen.

Russell.

Hello, superpowers.

Who are

you?

It's got some zip.

Don't feel bad.

Even I can't show me.

Talk! What kind of spineless shitstick tries to kill a 14-year-old boy?

You might want to start talking, because I've got a long history of firing at

times like this.

My name's Cable.

I'm from the future.

Just walk away.

Oh!

So you're from the future.

I have a question then.

Is dubstep still a thing?

you're so dark these are you know from the dc universe

Is that a fanny pack?

I used to have one of those in 1990. Never.

Something to remember you by.

Give me that back.

It goes with me everywhere.

Like a memory or fanny pack.

Why are you protecting the kid?

He's just some kid with an R.U. my mother complex.

I don't give a damn about him.

What's this one do?

In every film, there's a moment when the hero hits rock bottom.

In Cool Runnings, it was when John Candy's prize bobsled broke.

In Human Centipede, it was when those people signed on to be in that movie.

But in this film, well, you're looking at it.

Meet Bottom.

Ness?

Hey, Ness!

Ness, can you let me in, please?

Please.

You're not giving me a lot of direction here. I'm at the end of my rope.

Then I joined the X-Men.

Went to prison.

The kid.

Kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be.

The kid.

That's exactly what she meant. Your heart needs to be in the right place.

I'm not gonna abandon this kid.

He's never had anyone, ever.

I need to be selfless.

Yeah, but what does that mean?

It means... I'm gonna save Russell.

Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa, but maybe I can save a robust teenager from New

Zealand. Yeah, but what I mean is, like, that word, selfless, I literally don't

know what that means.

Jesus Christ.

Okay. Look, according to my guy... Okay, those muties are being transferred to a

supermax 80 miles away. Great, I'll pick them off along the way. Hold your

testicles there, buddy, okay? We're talking about an armored convoy and a

vicious super soldier from the future who's dead set on turning your skull

into an ashtray. You know what we need to do?

We need to build a team. We need them tough.

morally flexible, and young enough to carry this franchise 10 to 12 years. We

need Ocean's 14 stuff. The mother of all teens. John Wick 3. Cheap. With the

original director. My body is an instrument of death.

Not now, Dopinder.

I could be of great use.

What's your superpower?

Courage. That's adorable.

All right, I'll put out a call for resumes, but we're not paying medical or

dental.

It's time to get back on LinkedIn.

Attention all inmates.

Transport to Crosford.

Maximum security maintenance containment facility will begin in 0800 hours.

Inspection of your cells and out-processing will begin in 0600.

Attention all inmates.

Transport to Crosford.

Maximum security maintenance containment facility will begin in 0800 hours.

I know you're in there.

Must be hard being the biggest guy in here.

Lonely at the top, eh?

They're moving us tomorrow.

Maybe I can get you out of here.

We can make the whole world our bitch.

We need a secret code.

I can't know that. Stupid Russell.

Idiot.

We're a team.

We're like thugs. We're like gangsters.

I'm like Tug Park and you're like Ice Cube.

I suppose he should rap.

Terrific. You're all terrific.

Meet Bedlam. Cool name.

Superpowers? I can distort electrical fields, including the one inside your

brain, causing anxiety, confusion, pain.

So basically, you're Dave Matthews. We can use him.

I'm a zeitgeist.

Cool. I like to say you have the power to put your finger on the pulse of

society. No.

No, I spit acidic vomit.

Oh. Do you want me to demonstrate? No, thank you.

Listen, we've all eaten at Arby's. Okay.

This is the Vanisher.

But... Vanisher!

Nice!

Right?

He's not here, is he? He may be running late.

My name's Rusty, but I go by Shatterstar.

That's good.

Yeah, Rusty is... Tuffy. Terrible.

So, where are you from? The planet Mojo World.

So, you're an alien, I guess. How does that help us? I'm basically better than

you at everything.

Just once, I'm going to find a planet of people that are worse than me at

everything. A whole bunch of functional idiots.

I'm going to go there and I'm going to be their Superman.

Isn't that Canada? You shut your goddamn trash mouth.

Meet... Domino. What's your shtick?

I'm lucky.

That's not a superpower.

Yeah, it is. No, it isn't. Yes, it is. No, it isn't. Yeah, it is. No, it isn't.

Yes, it is. No, it isn't. Yeah, it is. Really isn't. No, it isn't. Yes, it is.

Told you.

Get out of my head!

I'm not in your head. Looks like I'm in an 11-year-old's bedroom.

If you're so lucky, then what are you doing here with us? Oh, well, I don't

know yet.

What's that supposed to mean? There's a reason why I'm here, and I'll know when

I know. Everything usually just kind of works out for me. You're hired. You're

hired. Oh, lucky me.

She's great.

And last but not least, Peter.

Are you getting catfished here?

Any powers you want to tell us about?

No, I don't have one.

I just saw the ad. No superpowers at all?

I have both type 1 and 2 diabetes.

Ow! Oh, that's all the diabetes. Right, yeah, you got them all. If you find a

type 3, let us know.

Yeah, you're in.

It's fulfilling work.

This is convoy 17, departing the icebox. We're en route.

Peace time makes people soft.

I was born into war.

Bred into it.

Okay.

What's the most pain you've ever felt?

These restraints are pretty. You got a list.

We're gonna work down it.

Together.

Number one, I'm gonna bend something.

Something that was not meant to bend.

I'm gonna stop you right there, because I'm not gonna make it to two. I won't

even make it to one. I don't do well with pain, you know. I stub my toe, I'm

done for the day. I cried when they canceled Felicity.

I don't want you to hurt me, and I'll tell you anything you want to know.

Except for where they are.

Russell's in a convoy heading southbound on Jerry Duggan Parkway. The monster's

with him. I wouldn't mess with him.

Intercept the convoy. Grab the boy. But not inappropriately. You know what? I

wouldn't mess with Deadpool either.

Because he's built a team. He's unstoppable.

He has an ass pen. He'll stab you with it. Watch out for this guy, Cable.

He's very short. 5'11". Not like in the comics.

And if we succeed, we all go home early. So you go after them, Cable. I warn you.

There's a wind advisory in effect

I

don't

know much about this cable fella, but I guarantee he hasn't killed as many

people as melanoma has

We're getting close. As a former X-Man... Trainee.

Thank you, Bedlam. I was always appalled by the blatant sexism in the group's

name. X-Men?

Men? The point is, our group will be forward-thinking.

Gender neutral. From now on, we'll be known as... X-Force.

at 1,300 feet, intercept the convoy, and grab the boy. Let's bring on the

carnage, baby.

Get me on the ground, watch me go.

Yeah!

I can't wait to kill.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I just, I just want to say how proud I am of this team.

You know, you guys look amazing.

Vanisher, I have no doubt you look amazing, too.

And this is a family that I've always dreamed of having, and I, darn, I just,

I just get a little chipped up sometimes. I hate to interrupt.

Is anybody nervous about the high winds? Gary.

My name's Peter.

I realize that you're new to this, but relax.

You've been chosen by a higher power.

Did he just call himself God? I think he did.

I'd like to go home. I spent ten years at Special Forces. You think we didn't

jump out of the plane because of a light breeze?

You're in the shit now, mustache!

I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. I've never let anything happen to

you, sugar bear.

Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches.

Oh, yeah. That's right, Medlum.

No!

Dripping billies!

Shatterstar. Okay, you got this.

Left!

Left! No, stage left, you idiot!

Well,

I guess we found something you're not better at.

Vanisher. Maybe the wind can't blow, but it can't see.

Really?

Wait, wait, wait. Was that Benjamin Button?

Brad Pitt?

How'd you get Brad Pitt?

You're here, aren't you? Yeah, but I didn't agree to... Oh.

See, Brad, he's still locked in my storm cellar along with Celine Dion and Matt

Damon. It's like Shawshank down there.

Matt Damon's in this shit? Yeah.

It's just you go down there first thing and just punch him as hard as you can.

You want to establish dominance or that guy will own you.

And quit burning our S-words.

Fools wanted to fight Matt Damon.

Sorry, what did you say?

What did I say? I thought you said Matt Damon.

I did. I want to f*** Damon.

You want to what?

I want to f*** him and I want him to f*** me.

And then if I'm doing a good job, I want all my friends and family to come watch

me f***.

Tell me more about that. Well, I feel like if we each other, you know, in

private, kind of work out our moves, then we kind of sell some tickets, and

we get an arena, you know? And then we each other in the arena. We get outfits,

you know, like, cool outfits.

And we each other, and everyone's cheering and betting on who's gonna each

other the hardest.

And then, when it's all done, there's gonna be a champion.

And it'll be like, I think I'll win, because I'm, like, a really strong...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they'll be like, wait, no, lay off Matt Damon.

You've him too hard.

And I'm gonna say, no, I got a little more... left in me and then i'm gonna

come in i'm gonna come in i'm gonna why are you buzzing that because i feel like

you're making it sound like i'm saying something i'm not saying what are you

saying i'm saying i want to fight matt damon oh you should have said so i

thought you were saying matt damon no that's crazy crazy why did he ask about

me no okay all right we could do this with four sugar bear

you got this buddy that's the stuff that's the x4 spirit

Never underestimate a man with a mustache.

Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.

You're a goddamn superhero, you.

X-Force!

X-Force.

Woo-hoo!

Yes!

Oh!

Thunder!

Peter. I got you, buddy.

You're gonna be fine. You got this, big guy.

Here we go, Peter.

Look at me. We're X-Force, right?

We're X-Force. We're X-Force.

Oh, my God!

What the?

Acidic vomit!

Oh, God.

You're gonna throw up in my mask.

Okay, I'm over the convoy.

Where did the rest of the team land?

Good news and bad news.

Bad news is the whole team is dead.

The good news is I don't think anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar. He was a bit of

a prick.

Oh, but Paul!

Peter! Peter!

I miss him most. The whole team?

Only the main ones. We're stupid.

You are so dumb.

Even after all this time, I still can't talk about it. Who knew these winds

would be so strong?

Everyone. Everyone on the helicopter.

And everyone not on the helicopter.

Looking good, Vanisher.

They're headed into the tunnel.

I'm that kid's only hope, so sit tight, wait for my word. I'm dropping in.

That's a negative, Soul Survivor. Luck is not a superpower.

We are so screwed.

No, we will certainly not screw.

Seriously, I don't get it. What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes?

It's just, it's hard to picture. And certainly not very cinematic.

I mean, luck?

What kind of cat feet, tongue, and diet soda-swilling trick show comic book

artist came up with that little chestnut? Probably a guy who can't draw

feet.

Once again, it all falls on my shoulders.

It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act. Wander the earth... I'm in. I'm sorry,

what did you say?

I'm in. How in the name of Satan are you in already? Oh, shit.

It's Cable, 12 o'clock.

Okay, new plan!

Use all of your imaginary powers to stop Cable from killing that kid!

I'm coming up on your six!

Okay, let's take the wheel.

Eat

me,

mutant!

Ouchie!

Get me back my skee-ball token.

I guess dubstep never dies.

Tom, you racist son of a bitch!

That's unfortunate.

We got no brakes!

Figure it out!

There's nothing I can't kill.

Ooh, somebody knows.

Could I take?

Hey, give me your best shot, one-eyed Willy.

Those bullets are like super fast.

Here we go

That's my boy.

I'll be first to admit, this did not go according to plan.

I'll also be the first to admit that that plan was written in crayon.

Looks like Russell found a new friend.

Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass and maybe possibly mildly lucky.

But Cable, that guy's in a mood. A mood that is about to get significantly

worse.

Something is so terribly, terribly wrong.

Ow.

Oh, man, that hurts.

Russell?

Russell?

Where are you?

Russell? Russell, you're okay.

Oh, thank God. Oh, my God!

Juggernaut!

I thought that was you.

I should have worn my white pants.

You probably get this a lot, but I am a huge fan.

Uncanny X-Men, one of these three, Thor 411, X-Men Unlimited 12. You know, it

has always been a dream of mine to see my face reflected in your helmet as you

charge at me with murderous intent.

I don't mean right now.

I'm gonna rip you in half now.

That is such a juggernaut thing to say.

Oh my god!

Oh my

god, I can't feel my legs!

I can't, I can't feel!

Oh no, they're right here.

Got them.

Wrestle. I have a mission.

To get my revenge.

I'm going to burn that headmaster alive.

You're not the revenge type.

Take it from a friend.

Friend? You said it yourself.

I'm not your friend.

Find someone stronger. So I did.

Russell,

I couldn't protect you back then. But I can now.

What do you want me to say, huh?

I care about you because I care about you, Russell.

What's Juggernaut got that I don't have? Don't you say legs.

I know you're going to say legs.

Legs. Still hurts to hear out loud.

What is that?

That's not a real rope.

You get back here, young man.

Dobbs.

Dobbs, get me out of here, please.

Use my arms as backpack straps.

I think we may have found your cosmic reason for being here.

I'm pretty sure this isn't it.

No child is hopeless.

Don't give up on the boy. How could he just walk away?

It was the coldness in his eyes.

He should have heard it.

His family really is an F word.

Rub my legs, Mama.

Why would I rub your legs? Please.

They hurt. I have growing pains.

Why is your hand so tiny again?

That's not my hand.

Oh, Mary Mother of Joseph!

That was nice for me.

Wait! I heard what happened with the convoy. I... Why

wouldn't you cover that up?

A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of.

How about you do?

I mean, look at you. You're just straight... Just full of Winnie the

Pooh.

Just toddler style?

Yes, sir.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

If... The top half of Deadpool is growing baby legs.

Does that mean the bottom half is growing a baby head?

Well, I don't see why that matters. I think it matters a lot.

I mean, if you want us to buy the regeneration thing, you got to address

it. Are there two Deadpools now?

And if so, what's the other one doing? And is he like you? Does he have the

same personality as you or the same memories? And if he does, then is he

going to reenter the plot later? Because he should.

You're really freaking me out right now. And if that one got cut in half, then

it'd be three Deadpools. I mean, you could see what all falls apart.

And quite frankly, why I prefer Marvel. We are Marvel.

Hilarious. You're Fox.

Describe it. I wouldn't ask him to do that. It's like... Here we go. It's like

he's a Muppet from the waist down, but this time, you can see the Muppet's

twig. Grover's gonna suck. I've had three tickets already.

No,

no, no. DP, not again.

Has this happened before?

Dobanir either vomit or don't. The indecision is killing me. Why couldn't

God take my hearing?

Oh. Wow.

Cool your pits.

They're going back.

I'm talking about your face.

I've never seen you without your mask before. Jesus Christ.

Looks like an avocado.

Your legs, though. They're cute.

You want to borrow a pair of pants?

I'm glad everybody dropped by. You must be wondering why I didn't call you here.

I'll tell you why I'm here.

The time traveler's wife's husband beat me within an inch of my life. He was

torturing me.

But all I told him was everything he wanted to know.

So, I'm here to help us gear up so we can go after him without me. No.

I'm doing this alone.

The Juggernaut will kill you all.

Fair enough.

I don't care what the kid did to me. I ain't letting Cable get to him. I just

need a couple of hours to get some legs under me. What will you do?

The first order of business is to get me in front of Cable so I can pull all the

blood out of his body and fashion his bones into holiday jewelry.

Then, I'm gonna take his skin and stretch it out over a homemade mating

drum.

He's standing right behind you, isn't he?

What in the ass?

Is this apartment listed on Tinder?

Grindr?

You're much taller in the comics.

Is that really necessary?

Why?

What can we help you with?

I'm here to proposition you.

Oh, boy.

He's really teeing it up, isn't he? Who gets to make the first joke? I think we

should all do it at the same time.

Good call. For 45, he gets... I only do over-the-pants mouth stuff.

God! Proposition has a wonderful Guy Pearce performance.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I want to do mine over.

Give us the line again. I need your help.

And trust me, I'm even less happy about this than you are, but you'll unleash

the juggernaut.

I can't bring him down alone.

So here we are.

Well, we're no longer accepting applications for X-Force, unfortunately.

We don't have a lot of time. Your friend's about to make his first kill.

No offense, but if you know so much, why not travel back to when he was a baby?

Kill him then.

He is a device to slide through time. The longer I travel, the harder it is to

control. I got two charges, one to get me here, one to get me home.

Well... That's just lazy writing. Oh, yeah, I get it. I see what you did there

What jokes about lazy writing to cover up actual lazy writing? Why don't you

just write better? Why don't you just shut up?

Your boy's gonna kill the headmaster of the orphanage tonight After that he gets

a real taste for it like a ten-year-old Kirsten Dunst. So he keeps killing and

killing Until one day he kills the wrong people

Relax. I'm retrieving something from my utility bag.

It's a goddamn fanny pack, and you know it, you sick son of a bitch.

The difference is night and day.

You remind me of my wife.

I'm sorry?

I said you remind me of my wife. No, I'm sorry that you said that while making

heavy eye contact and applying lip balm.

She always struggled.

She was funny.

Filtered her pain through the prism of humor.

Something I could never master.

It was my fault she died.

It was my job to stop people like him.

I came close a few times.

I wasn't too happy about that.

He was trying to hurt me and he knew exactly how to do it.

Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand.

You came into my home and took the only thing that made it a home.

Sound familiar?

I'm sorry.

No, I'm really sorry.

Dad isn't Russell.

Doesn't have to be him. But you knew what I knew. Yeah, he's got anger

issues. Maybe a small learning disability.

Splash of diabetes.

But nothing that can't be fixed. If you could go back.

And stop the people that took your girl, would you? Of course I would.

But I wouldn't kill a kid. I'm not asking you to kill a kid. I'll kill the

kid. I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids.

Russell's gonna burn down that orphanage.

And I can imagine your dead girlfriend would want you to do the right thing,

wouldn't she?

So what's it gonna be, handsome?

Give me a chance to save him.

What? You said.

Once he kills someone, he gets a taste for it. If we can get to him before that

happens, promise you'll give me a chance to put him on a different path.

Define chance.

I don't know. How long does it take to save someone's soul? That's not... I'll

give you 30 seconds.

That... What? No. Best I can do, take it or leave it.

He's doing it.

Look at the little fella. He's doing it. There he goes.

Jesus Christ.

There you go, little fella.

Go on. You're doing it.

That beautiful, hairless, twizzler-legged baby boy.

Jesus.

This is disturbing.

30 seconds.

Deal. Deal.

I have no idea what's happening. Probably for the best.

And that is why you never eat a raw starfish. It's just common sense.

Where the hell are we going?

You said it yourself.

Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. We need backup.

I will bathe in the blood of your enemies.

Can you turn off the music?

You'll do no such thing.

Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent?

I'm sorry.

Apology accepted. This is a side of you I do not like.

Let me guess, some of your best friends in the future are Indian.

Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head. I am so sorry. It gets better. I'm

not a racist moron.

Precisely what a racist would say. I'm with the old white guy on this one.

That's a twist.

So what exactly do you do in the future anyway, huh? Some kind of soldier?

Yeah, something like that.

I was a soldier.

special forces i bet 50 years from now we're best as buddies 50 years from now

you're very dead your entire generation failed this planet into a coma boom

spoiler alert planets there's a spoiler i should have finished

college you're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy well i got news

for you my heart is in the right place Russell's not gonna kill anyone.

Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like. We're all gonna die.

Because of you, I'll always know what a grown man with baby balls looks like.

I'm a grower, not a shower. God, I wish this were a bus where I could pull a

string and get out.

It's a good thing Cable's not driving, or you'd be in the back.

I am in the back. Right here!

I made mistakes.

I want to take them back.

You trusted me.

I took that trust and turned it into a toilet stall in an airport bathroom.

The one in Minneapolis.

You know the one.

But even you know I was once an X-Man.

Trainee!

You're still using my Velcro labels.

Aw. They do stick better than tape. Hi.

Please don't. Say whatever it is you're here to say. Make it quick.

Right. Quick.

It's this kid. Just like you, I let him down. And just like me, he's never had

anyone sacrifice anything for him because the entire world wrote him off a

long time ago. Look, he's teamed up with the Juggernaut.

The Juggernaut. Who's like my favorite Marvel character ever. And hi, Yukio.

That was really nice of you to say hi, so I'm saying hi back.

You guys make a super cute couple.

Yeah. Where was I? Oh, yeah. You should never meet your heroes because honestly,

he causes nothing but problems. Look.

You can stop the juggernaut. I know you can. Do you know what would happen to me

if I helped you?

I would be disgraced. You are a criminal, a fugitive, but worst of all,

you broke my heart, Wade.

And you know what? Your heart's in the wrong place, big guy.

Doing the right thing is sometimes messy and screwed up.

And not particularly convenient.

So stay here in Chateau Divergent while we go get our game on.

You're doing great.

So you wear that helmet because your brother tries to read your mind?

Yeah, but he's in a wheelchair, so even Steven.

Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir, and he's not alone.

Sure that you're...

They will not replace us.

Watch my back.

I got the old man.

Amen, brother.

Time to make the chimichangas. 30 seconds.

I finally know why I'm here.

I was raised in this place.

Well, not raised. I was tortured.

Wow. It's your cosmic reason for being here. Shall we? This is going to be fun.

Yeah.

Hey, I'm going to need to ask you, what's with the dirty, disgusting hobo

bear?

It's not dirt. It's the blood of my dead daughter.

Are you Bear God?

It's me, Margaret.

Get me some.

They say laughter heals anything, except, of course, that. We should just

cue the music.

We on fire. Step up in the party. Step up in the party.

Welcome home, Russell.

We missed you.

Russell! You don't need to do this. Let's talk.

Why are you dressed like the Unabomber?

That's why it was too far gone.

Zip it, Thanos. We have a deal and you forgot.

Hey, I'm going to chop that cab driver right up your tailpipe.

My body and my hands are so soft. You should probably head back to the car.

It works best when you pull the trigger.

That gun is amazing.

Say it!

You!

Now I'm gonna shove the red guy up the old guy. I believe him! Every man for

themselves!

Gotcha! Beat it, midget.

Hey, big guy! The sun's getting real low!

You came for me.

I'm not giving up on you, and you are not giving up on that boy. Who says that

rules aren't meant to be broken?

It's time to fight dirty.

Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.

Hey! Make on someone your own size.

That's such a you thing to say. Go get him, Tiger!

Big CGI fight coming up.

He's doing great.

Say it!

Awesome. Bingo.

Great.

A bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes.

Can I have one of those guns?

No.

That's fine.

I'm just gonna use this brick.

It says you can't go home again.

Say it!

Say it!

Blessed are the wicked who were healed by my hand!

Blessed are the wicked who were healed by my hand.

Best buddies execute pedophiles together.

I'll need a bus to get you all out of here.

Orphans? Oh, geez.

It's time to burn for you! A child should not be burdened with such power!

Russell! Wait!

Wait!

He hasn't killed anyone yet! What more do you need to see? No, he's just a kid!

Come on, tick-tock.

Peter's running.

I'm gonna make a necklace out of your teeth.

That's how we do it in Mother Russia.

Oh, they say millennials are the hardest to reach.

Oh, no, you're doing amazing.

Damn, it feels good to be a gangster.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

He dies tonight, Wade.

You can't stop me.

He even runs like a pervert. Like an online predator who lost his laptop.

One bullet left in that gun. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Just give me a second.

I got this.

Stay back!

Go on, wait!

Let's talk.

It doesn't have to go this way.

That piece of shit, he deserves to die for what he did to you. He hurt you

badly.

But look, if you kill him, he wins.

You become everything he says you are, but worse.

You're just a kid.

You don't want to hurt anyone.

It isn't too late. Don't do it.

I never should have left you there.

I never should have left you in that prison.

I

can't

trust you.

I can't trust any...

I got one more idea.

It's just a really bad one, even for me. Wade, what are you doing?

This is for all the marbles, kid.

You gonna kill someone today?

Listen, I'm the Wicked.

Then it's gotta be me.

Way out by my head!

The sun will come out.

It's your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun.

When I'm stuck with a day that's gray and lonely, I

just stick out my chin and grin and say,

oh.

The sun will come out tomorrow.

Until tomorrow come what may.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you.

Tomorrow, you're always a day away.

Tell me they got that in slow motion.

Oh, that's not good.

No, sir.

You sacrificed yourself for me.

Yeah, and it was the best thing I ever did.

I told you I care about you.

You're a good kid, Russell.

Hey.

The bear.

It worked.

Because of you.

No, Wade.

Because of you.

Stop. Stop!

Stop. Stop.

Just... Just let it happen.

Okay?

I guess... I guess my heart was finally in the right place.

Oh, that riddle is so messed up.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Don't be. I've been trying to make this happen for a

while. Yeah, please, just...

Don't leave me. I don't want to die without an audience. We are not going

anywhere. Oh, I know. I hope the Academy is watching.

Let's rest, okay?

Papa?

Papa, can you hear me?

Papa, can you find me?

Hey.

Before I go, sorry, I got a bit more in me.

Domino, I want you to have my Adventure Time watch.

Turns out that I'm the lucky one.

Thank you.

Hey, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, it has been a pleasure.

Hi, Yukio.

Hello.

And you, Chromebone.

I haven't always been the best friend to you.

But you've always been that to me.

So thank you.

Save the F word for me.

Just once. Come on. We'll do it together. It's no big deal.

Here we go. One, two, three.

Wow.

Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.

And you.

Gable, you get back to your family, you tell them Wade says hi, and promise me,

promise me one thing, that you'll start judging people not by the color of their

skin, but by the content of their character.

Jesus. Stardog!

Look, family is not an F word, all right?

There's one out there for you.

Just keep looking, okay?

Guys, for a second there, we made a pretty good team.

Can you see it?

Do you see that beautiful bright light?

There it is.

Oh, that's the sun. Don't stare directly into that.

I just have a few final words.

Do you want to build a snowman?

Talking away.

Oh, I don't know what I'm to say. I'll say it anyway.

Today is another day to find you shying away.

I'll be coming for your love, okay, and take on.

Sorry I'm late.

There's a bunch of handicapable children who are stuck in a tree.

No.

But I did have to help a kid.

Yeah. He's got a terrible name. It's just awful.

I tried to tell him.

Is this heaven?

I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

I

missed

you so much.

What is it? What's wrong?

It's not time.

What do you mean it's not time? I'm here. I made it.

You can't stay. No, no, no, no, no. I'm staying.

I'm not going anywhere without you.

It's okay.

There's a time for us. It's just not now.

They need you.

Who?

Your F word.

Why?

You'll find out.

I love you.

I love you.

I know.

Now go.

Go on, go. Get out of here.

Go.

Hey.

Kiss me like you miss me, Red.

Well, come here.

Hold the mustard.

Are you crying? No.

Yes, you are. No, I'm not. You got emotion juice coming out of your eye

holes. That's not me. I'm not crying. I think it's this dusty soundstage. Oh,

really? Or bedroom. It's a dusty bedroom. Thank you. That's normal.

Let it out.

Are you crying?

Yeah, you are.

And I'm caught off guard because the movie's so bad. It's complete garbage.

It's very compelling.

Yeah. There's something that really resonates with me. I gotta get to you.

There is more.

I would love to read it to you, Fred Savage.

Once again, Wade.

Picked up the love of his life in his approachably shredded arms.

It's all right.

I'll be waiting.

It's pretty awesome up here.

I can have anything I want.

Can every day be International Women's Day?

It is heaven.

Time to make the chimichangas. Hey, I needed to ask you, what's with the

creepy, dirty hobo bear?

He's my daughter's teddy bear.

Her name's Hope.

Well, what are you doing?

Somebody swiped right.

Tell me they got that in slow motion.

You sacrificed yourself for me. Yeah, with Steve, I...

Huh.

Genuine, high-grade lead.

You time-sliding son of a bitch. You did this for me?

Wait. You can't go back.

You used the last of your fuel. What about your girl, your wife?

No, my family's safe.

And I didn't do it for you.

No, I'm gonna stick around for a while.

Make sure the world doesn't shit itself into oblivion.

Oh, you did it for me.

No, I didn't.

You did.

I really didn't. Pretty sure you did. No, I'm positive I didn't. Fine. All

right, let's flip a coin, okay?

Heads, you did it for me.

Tails, you did it for me.

I'm not even going to look because you did it for me. We must get the call at

all. Forget it. It's no use.

These callers don't just come off. Wait.

I have an idea.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Let's not do that, please. I'd rather die of cancer.

Let's just... Oh, gosh, they do say the pen is grosser than the sword.

We need a code.

Try, uh, seven?

Settle down, Captain Lucky. It's not going to be one number.

God, that's lazy writing.

I still got it.

Put that back in your prison wallet.

I don't know how to thank you, but I do know how to hug you.

No. Yes. Here we go.

Bring it in.

Come on.

Pelvis to pelvis.

Let's go tummy to tummy. There we go. The kids call this tummying.

Is there a knife in my lower extremity? There's a knife in your leg, yeah. No

need to go full yentl.

Pretend like that never happened.

Let's go home, Russell.

All you dirty mutants are gonna rot in hell with a boy!

Your souls are beyond redemption!

Let's see your soul perv! No! No! No! No more!

We're better than that! We're better than him!

No more senseless violence! No more bloodshed! We'll let karma take care of

him! The day of reckoning is here!

I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great.

Woo! God, it's just my power!

Woo! I could hear you coming the last 30 seconds. I could barely keep a straight

face. I want some more.

I bet you do, Brown Panther. We should leave before Fudger now wakes up.

Good call. You guys coming with us?

No, we'll get the kids back to the mansion.

Besides, we're X-Men.

No, you're X-People.

You're exhausting.

I see what you did there.

Puns. Our door's always open. That's kind, but I'm not ready to date again,

let alone two women.

Bye, Nate.

Bye, Yukio.

What do you get when you take eight feet of chrome, one pinch of courage, a cup

of good luck, a dab of racism, a splash of diabetes, and a wheelbarrow full of

stage four cancer?

Answer, a family.

See? I didn't lie what kind of film this was.

If there's anything you take away today other than the need to Google, what the

heck is dubstep?

It's that we all need to belong to someone.

what to say maybe I just wouldn't know what to do with my strength

anyway have we become a habit do we

distort the facts now there's no looking forward now

there's no turning back when you say we belong to the light we belong to the

After-credits scenes. I love after-credits scenes. They feel so

private, you know? Because it's just you in the theater. Everyone's left.

But you know something.

You stayed.

Something so small generates enough energy to reverse time. Oh, just fix it,

Eleven, or I'll take it to the Genius Bar.

Cable's gonna kill you when he finds out. Never heard of him.

Why do you think I'm helping him?

The Lord works in mysterious ways, don't I?

A good day.

Bye, Wade.

Bye, Ukiyo.

That was probably a bad idea.

I hope you sharpened the cream cheese spreader.

I'll be right back.

We're definitely naming our kids Cher!

Peter!

X-Force! Walk away!

Just walk away!

X-Force is just a marketing tool designed by Fox executives to keep Josh

Brolin employed.

It doesn't exist.

All right, well, this has been pretty scary.

And I need to feed my cat.

Go home, Sugar Bear. Go home.

Okay. Will you give Domino my emails?

Wait,

is that you?

Stryker finally figured out how to shut you up.

Hey, it's me.

Don't scratch.

Just cleaning up the timelines.

Love you.

Welcome to the big leagues, kid.

You're welcome, Canada.

like someone took a nap and drove it deep in my heart and walked out that

door i saw that i didn't care but i lost everything darling too

strong to tell you i was sorry

too proud to tell you i was wrong

If I could turn back time If I could turn back time

If I could turn back time Oh,

baby

I

didn't really mean to hurt you I didn't want to see you go

What's left to say? These prayers aren't working anymore

Every word shot down in

flames What's left to do

with these broken pieces on the floor?

Cause I've been shaking, I've been bad

use these tears to put out the fires in my soul cause

I need you here cause

I've been

The end.

Just in time, because I've lost almost all feeling in my legs.

Ooh, they feel fine.

Can I go?

As you wish.

That must feel good. Yes, thank you. Yeah.

Come on. Whoa, easy now. Hey, easy now. Here you go. Come on.

Take it slow. Take it slow. Baby, I can't feel my legs. I can't feel my

legs. I know, yeah.

You've been asleep for three days, buddy.

Come on. Three days? Yeah, three days. I've been there for three days?

Yeah. Why so long?

That's too long.