Original subtitles

Watch me runnin' up the place

I'm already stuntin' And my girls are on the way

Watch me open up the place…

Just imagine. This will change everything.

The lights come up, and we walk out on stage like two sexy gladiators.

Our technique, flawless. Our timing, perfect.

Phones are out. Minds are blown.

And guess who blacks out from jealousy because we just took home first place.

Tanya?

Tanya. Future nursing school dropout Tanya.

So, you ready to do this?

-Nope. I'm out. I bail so hard. -Whoa!

Anj, hi, hey. Everything's in place. The plan is perfect.

The plan is insane.

Maya, just let it go.

After graduation, we're never gonna see Tanya again.

Jump…

Yeah, but she's never respected us as dancers.

I know, I know.

If we're going to win, we have to do something unexpected.

Please.

You're my best friend.

I can't do this without you.

Watch me runnin' up the place…

Fine.

-I'm in. -Yeah!

Watch me open up the place

Wanna see you bumpin', baby Bouncin' to the bass

Good luck.

-What a bitch. -Her legs are so smooth.

-How does she never get razor burn? -Hey, hey, Anj. Look at me. Lock in.

Remember.

-Whew. -Whew. Okay.

You win the crowd,

you win your freedom.

What?

And good luck, Tanya, next year at the Touro School of Nursing.

Now, seniors Maya and Anjali with a cultural dance

from the country of India.

They're actually pretty good.

No.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

I can't. Let's go.

-What's happening? -Maybe something with the sensors?

-Look out! -Maya, watch out!

Shit!

Don't worry. Anj! It's all good. Everything's--

Maya!

Is she okay?

Maya!

Maya!

Maya! Maya!

-Topic of the day. -Patil twins.

-Harry Potter, Yule Ball. -Messed up.

Ugly outfits, objectively bad.

And then the boys ditch them.

What's up with that?

-My aura? -Yeah. Ready?

Then take this.

-Oh, photo. -Oh, photo, okay.

You look so good.

-Look over here! -Smile, girls!

One, two, three.

UCLA!

Ah, rumors are true. Lot of Asians.

Whee! We're, like, at college! Like, right now! Can you believe it?

-Mm-hmm. -Maybe I should try out a new nickname.

How about Anja? Jaja?

No. Jelly? Jelly Cat?

-We could think about it. -I love him.

Oh my God. I can be whoever I wanna be.

The name's Leelee, babes. I think we'll have really good banter.

I'm good.

You realize we can go out, like, whenever we want.

-And come home whenever we want. -Mmm.

-So late I forget to take out my contacts. -Dude. Don't do that.

That's gonna hurt so bad. But it'd be so worth it.

Please don't be that weird sheltered girl who has to get her stomach pumped

because she can't handle freedom.

-That's exactly who I wanna be. -Heads up!

-Oh shit! -Got it!

Ugh!

-Hey. -Yo.

-My bad. -Hey.

That was a terrible throw.

Yeah, some would say deliberately bad.

Okay, well, this is embarrassing. Um, we're gonna go.

You know what? No Frisbee. You've both been banned.

Well, call us when the ban's been lifted.

I know guys throw themselves at you like you're the last flight out of Kabul,

but this has got to be a new record, hmm?

-Stop moving! -They wanna keep stonewalling, fine.

-We'll just move… -See, if you had just worn something nice.

The way Anjali always does…

I don't look nice. I look like a seat filler at the Latin GRAMMYs.

-Zero patience… -A little black dress works.

-Career fairs, parties, SASA mixers… -Call me when you know.

Oh my God. Stop with the SASA mixer.

-What's a SASA mixer? -Seriously, Shree? SASA?

See? Even Rekha Auntie agrees with me. She thinks SASA's cringe.

-What's this? -Bathroom stuff.

There's nothing cringe about celebrating your culture.

Okay, what is a SASA?

South Asian Students Association.

And they don't celebrate our culture.

It's a bunch of cornballs trying to pad their résumés to get into med school.

Sounds pretty Indian to me.

I already told Arjun Singh you will both meet him tonight at the SASA mixer.

Arjun who? Arjun the incel?

He's not an incel! He's a sophomore, and he'd love to show you around.

Show me around what? His collection of feet pics?

Shree, why are we introducing weird boys to the equation?

-What's this? -Bathroom stuff!

A bad freshman GPA is impossible to bounce back from,

especially if you're a bad test taker.

My GPA will survive one mixer.

-Anjali, it's a miracle you got in. -But I did, didn't I?

Off the waitlist. You need to stay focused.

-Ahem. -Bathroom stuff!

Uh, how much bathroom stuff is there?

A normal amount!

-Cool. Cool. -Okay.

-The IG is way too curated. -I know.

-So fun. -Cool.

Nah, bro. She's like a Santa Monica eight.

-Which is like a Malibu five. -Oh my God. Hi!

It's a pony, not just a bend. Uh…

The hook step, you guys shouldn't lock your arms.

Instead, you should pivot from the elbow.

Sorry, who are you?

I'm sorry. You guys are great. It's just I used to dance…

Oh my God! I know you.

-You're the girl from that video. -Wait, what video?

Who hit herself in the face with the flying thingy!

-That's not me. -You have to see!

-Are you kidding me? -Sorry.

I just gotta go.

-Look out. -All right, you know what--

Oh my God, you're Drone Strike Girl!

Wait, you're, like, famous!

But, like, bad famous.

You mean infamous?

-Can I have that purple top of yours? -Yeah, sure.

I can make more room in that closet.

Wait, Mom! Don't!

Oh!

Ooh.

Yeah. There's more bathroom stuff in the car.

I'm coming too.

It was just for…

-To… -For what?

For getting high. For having a couple of one-night stands.

Can you please stop acting like I started an OnlyFans?

Do you realize if UCLA still had an SAT score,

there is no way you would have gotten in?

Let alone for a major that is only getting harder.

-A major you picked for me! -'Cause you couldn't decide.

Computer science is gonna give you a shot at real money.

While we're at it, you wanna walk me to the bus stop?

-Pack me a Lunchable? -I'm not gonna babysit you.

But I will stop paying your tuition if I find out you're slacking off.

Wait. What?

Mom, are you serious?

I know you think I'm being a bitch.

But you'll thank me when you have a degree and a career

and you don't have to depend on anyone for anything.

And how's that working out for you?

If you got a full ride like Maya, you could do anything you want,

but as long as I am footing this bill,

you don't get to be some aimless pothead

having shower sex in an en suite that I am paying an extra ten grand for.

And you wonder why Dad left.

Ooh!

Damn, that echoed.

They ran out of ice, but I got the next best thing.

Someone's favorite.

How are you feelin'?

I got slapped on my first day of college.

Let's go with, pfft…

suicidal?

Aah.

The slap wasn't even that bad.

None of the Asian kids even flinched.

The white kids almost called the cops.

Yeah, well, at least you didn't get hit with the Green Card mom slap. Right?

Remember when Charu got her belly button pierced?

I mean, she got hit so hard, the sound turned on the Alexa.

Hmm.

Does it still hurt?

No, it's honestly fine.

Good.

I want you nice and healed.

-Before I slap the shit out of you again! -Oww!

-Maya, what? -Not gonna tell me you're on the pill?

You were gonna what? Disconnect our Bluetooth without telling me?

I'm not on the pill!

Then… why have you got all these… pills?

I don't know! I just… It… Ugh.

it was just… eleutheromania!

It's, like, doing something just for the sake of freedom.

I just needed to figure out if I could be someone different for once in my life.

I'm not sure if that makes any sense.

Two girls down the hall called me Drone Strike.

Ugh.

Maya, I'm so sorry.

They would have clowned me, too, if I'd been there.

Anj.

The most upvoted comment is a guy asking for your number.

The second most upvoted is a guy asking the first guy to pass it along.

-This is Half Baked. -Hmm?

-My favorite's Cherry Garcia. -Yeah.

I said I got someone's favorite. And that someone is me!

All right.

Today sucked a butt.

-So I say we go to Taco Bell. -Mmm.

And we watch 90 Day Fiancé.

You wanna stay in and watch ugly men marry Latvian immigrants?

And get Taco Bell. That part's key.

No!

It is our first night of college. We need to go out.

You cannot be serious.

Dude, I survived child abuse!

Whoa! Look at all these clubs!

Sticky Wickets Cricket Club.

Hookah Brother Up.

I love how all brown dudes smoke hookah like they're Drake

and they just end up at dental school.

Come on! Just admit this is way cooler than you thought it would be.

All right, you're right. It's pretty cool. It's pretty cool.

-Oh! A club I could get behind. -Wait, which one?

Freshman 15, baby. I'm starving!

Ooh, Maya, look! There's a Bollywood dance club.

I told you. I'm down to try new things. Just not dance. Not right now.

Come on, it's a club. It'll meet, like, an hour a week.

-But don't get your hopes up, okay? -Hi!

90% of Bollywood dance is just dry-humping the air.

Do you really need a club for that?

Sorry. Sorry.

See? Handyman with no boundaries agrees with me.

Well, I'm gonna check it out 'cause it seems cool,

and trying cool shit's the whole point of college!

-You know, she's not wrong. -All right. You are still talking.

Bollywood dance is a very big deal here. K-Pop level fandom.

All right, brown Ted Bundy. What's your deal?

This one's a coincidence. I'm working. I don't know if you can see?

And for the record, the whole number on the Frisbee thing,

that was my buddy's idea, not mine.

-Cool story, bro. -Don't believe me? Call the number, Maya.

-Okay. Seriously? How do you know my name? -I had a feeling you didn't recognize me.

It's me. Arjun.

"Arjun the incel."

-That's what the kids used to call me. -Kids are so mean. Mm-mm-mm.

Also, the name made no sense.

We were ten. We were all virgins.

It would have been weird if I wasn't a virgin.

-And probably also illegal. -Definitely illegal.

You know, your mom called.

-Said you weren't coming. -Uh… Anjali dragged me.

-So… -Yo! What up, Drone Strike?

Pfffft!

You're goated!

Okay. What was that about?

Don't act like you don't know. It was the biggest meme of the summer.

Oh, well, I'm not on socials, so I must have missed it.

-Bullshit. -No. I'm serious. Here.

No Internet, no apps. No more noise.

Oh, so you have a burner phone, like cheaters and meth dealers.

That's comforting.

Better than letting Big Tech track you.

It's not Big Tech that tracks me. It's my best friend.

-Oh, great. Mm-hmm. -All right? Yeah.

In the event that some rando from my past decides to drown me in a lake

and then no one can find my body.

-That would never occur to me. -Yeah, no shit. You're a man.

No, I mean I'd dissolve you in acid. No loose ends.

It's like an instant social life, and the after parties are crazy.

Last year, we went to Vegas, and I totally puked in the Bellagio fountains.

Stop. That sounds so fun.

Minus the puking part.

When's the next meet-up?

-You can't just come. You gotta audition. -Sorry, wait. Audition?

We're a competitive dance team.

We compete at competitions all over the country.

That sounds like a big time commitment.

Oh, it takes up your entire life. No. We're like a cult.

Uh, yeah. I really have to focus first semester…

You know what I just realized?

Ronak is gonna love her.

Oh! Love her. She's total lead material.

Who's Ronak?

You'll see. We're about to go on.

Welcome to the South Asian Students Association Fall Mixer!

I'm Ayesha Khan,

proud Pakistani American.

-President of the South Asian Student-- -Co-president, actually.

We split the vote.

I'm Preethi Shah, proud Indian American.

The South Asian Students Association puts on events like Diwali night, Holi--

And of course Eid one and Eid two.

Sometimes Preethi forgets that the diaspora contains many faiths.

How can I forget, Ayesha, when you're constantly trying to convert me?

I'm not trying to convert you, Islamophobic bitch!

Okay, thank you so much.

Uh, please give it up for Preethi and Ayesha.

That was something.

Thank you, ladies. I am Hamza Latif.

I am the faculty sponsor.

I'm here to make sure it's a safe space for all the students.

We got three rules.

And this is mostly for the guys.

Consent.

Consent!

Number three.

Your future employer will see your Halloween costume.

I'm talking to you, Ragav. I don't know where you got the shoe polish.

-My bad. -Okay.

Now for the real reason why we're all here.

They are the three-time winners of Best of the Best.

Give it up for our very own UCLA Agni!

Welcome to the party

Hey, hey, welcome to the party

Hey, hey, welcome to the party

Hey, hey, welcome to the party

-Waking up, waking up -Hey, hey, welcome to the party

Fly with my dogs Ridin' high when we pull up

When we ride, when we pull up

We be high when we pull up

Top down, no ceilin'

Rocks on the watch now, armageddon

Roof on fire, fire

We ride wild

Pull up in a tank, 'bout it, 'bout it

Hey, hey, welcome to the party

I love you, Ronak!

Love you, Ronak!

I love you, Ronak!

Hey, hey, welcome to the party

Hey, hey, welcome to the party

You don't have to be The last one standing

Oh, show me you could be The one, one, one

You've got me like crazy

-That you call to me -Bom-diggy-diggy bom bom

Oh, baby, give me one more dance

UCLA! UCLA! UCLA!

Yo.

How extra was that dance team?

So crazy.

They literally said they were a cult. Oh my God, and their captain?

Such a cheeseball.

He was unironically wearing a fedora.

-Please tell me you're gonna burn it. -Oh, for sure.

Love you, Anj.

Aww! Love you too.

Night.

Night.

Welcome to CompSci 31, Introduction to Computer Science.

I am Professor Latif.

Just so you guys know, the course structure…

I did something fun.

-You signed me up for the dance team? -I signed us up for… tryouts.

I thought you'd be excited.

Yeah, I thought it was a club that met, like, once a week.

It's a huge time suck.

If my grades slip, my mom's gonna shoot me in the face.

Ladies. We're literally two minutes into day one.

So sorry, sir. Professor… Man?

Oh my God.

Look. All your mom cares about is that you get good grades and granny panties.

You keep both of those up, she can't get mad.

Yeah, it's a big if.

Okay. Okay.

Then stop stalking Ronak's Insta.

-I was perusing. -You liked a photo from two years ago.

-That is a problem. He posts too much. -Okay, Maya.

I'm not you. I actually have to try at school.

If you try out for the team with me, I won't let you fail.

You know what? Idea. Let's share what we're talking about.

That way, none of us feel left out. Y'all are vibin', and we'd love to vibe.

She won't try out for the dance team with me.

Okay. No, this is a learning lesson, guys.

Uh, see, this is what's known as a dependency error.

You have one piece of broken code that can't function without the other,

so it sends out a very annoying, disruptive error message.

Well, dance is the one thing that we're good at

and is our best shot at a new life.

-We have new lives. We're at college. -No, you have a new life.

I'm still Drone Strike.

I told you that was her.

Hey, hey.

No side betting.

If I can lead the team to a championship, then everyone will stop giving me shit.

And if you do it with me, you'll also be living a whole new life.

And maybe even use that new stash of condoms.

-Maya! -Okay, pivot. Do it for…

uh… urethramania.

Veryanamania.

Eleutheromania.

That's it. That's what I said.

Do it for that.

Please, Anj.

Welcome to tryouts for UCLA Agni.

You'll notice we're in a parking garage.

That's 'cause dancing on concrete will rule out the weak.

And because the pickleball team took the gym from us.

Pickleball sucks.

You all should have learned eight eight-counts of choreo

from the videos we sent.

Here's the part we didn't tell you.

You're gonna perform this routine ten times.

-Each time, the music is gonna get faster. -Ten times? Dang.

And you gotta keep up. If you don't, you're gonna get hit with this.

-Six of us have laser pointers. -Really?

If you get three lasers, you're cut.

Whoever's left makes the team. Line up!

Easy.

Hey, I wanted to give this back to you.

So you can give it back to Bruno Mars.

Oh, actually, he gave it to me as a gift

'cause, you know, he was gonna call it "Midtown Funk,"

and I was like, "No, no."

"Uptown Funk."

Good luck.

Hey, stop!

Damn!

Oh my God!

Congratulations! You all made the cut.

Yes!

Thank you, my king!

All right. You're the king. Easy. All right.

Whoa. Are all these people on the team?

Yeah. Kind of looks like a flash mob.

It's for formations.

You need lots of dancers to make complex formations.

You guys new? Okay, okay! Yeah! I'm Nirbhay.

Not to brag, but this was my fourth time auditioning for the team,

and I made it.

Is that a brag?

I didn't make the cut last year, but I lured Ronak into a storage closet,

locked the door, and then made him watch me dance again.

-And he ate that shit up. -Wow, that's dedication.

Or it's a felony.

Look, every Bollywood team has a few staple characters, okay?

I'm the die-hard superfan with no chill, and I'm owning that.

Over there, you got the FOBs, Fresh Off the Boat students.

They're rich. Like, make a hit-and-run disappear rich.

Then you got your Brown Baddies.

Their entire personality is giving people side-eye.

Next, the Adrenaline Junkies.

They're like Adderall. Concerning, but clutch in competition.

Last but not least, every Bollywood team has one random white person

who knows more about Indian culture than everyone else.

How's it going?

I'm Harry. So, what part of India are you all from?

I'm Tamil. My family is from Sri Lanka.

Greetings, little sister!

No. Don't… don't do that.

There are over 100 dance teams in the country,

but only the top ten make it to Best of the Best.

We cannot allow a repeat of last year.

And the winner of Best of the Best is…

USC Tamasha!

This video will play on loop at every practice.

I want you to live in that pain.

Like when we applied to Stanford and didn't get in.

-Mm-hmm. -USC's number one for a reason.

-Why is he so obsessed with beating USC? -…she goes, we go…

He's obsessed with beating her.

Selena Joshi, captain of USC and Ronak's ex.

Our next competition is in eight weeks. Let's get to work.

The first thing to know about competition dance

is that it is not objective.

The only performance that matters

is the one that people remember.

Which is why our goal is simple.

Be unforgettable! That's it.

Thirty-one more! Let's go!

We are not here to have fun.

We are here to win.

If you wanna have a good time with a bunch of losers,

join an a cappella team.

No more junk food.

Cheetos came out in 1948.

Since then, we've never won a war.

Here's the truth. AI is here.

Your degree is worthless, and you'll never own a home.

Back to practice!

Facial expressions are critical!

Tell the story with your face.

Harry, you're goin' to war!

Dimple, he cheated on you.

Anjali, they freed Luigi.

Deepica, your boyfriend is 5'4".

Maya, you're broke, but you want guac.

Vishal, Pakistan beat India in cricket.

Sumi, the edible is hitting.

Nirbhay, you're losing your virginity!

What's our goal?

Be unforgettable!

I said, what's our goal?

Be unforgettable!

I think I'm gonna vom!

I can't keep going. My nipples are bleeding.

Anyone bitching is gonna get 20 more burpees.

Okay.

That wasn't the worst.

-Just let me die here. -Oh, I can't feel my ass.

There, there.

Every great routine starts with great leads.

But it's not just about being the best dancer.

You have to be the total package. We're talking effortless confidence.

Infectious energy.

Raccoon agility.

-Undeniable charisma. -And the sex appeal of your first cousin.

But first, let's talk about this year's routine.

The theme is…

Bollywood Shaadi: Greatest Hits!

-Yeah! -Ooh!

An epic love letter to South Asian weddings.

A classic love story about forbidden romance.

Sorry. Sorry. Keep going.

No, please. You clearly have thoughts.

Well, I'm not trying to be whatever or anything. It's just…

-Isn't this kind of super predictable? -Maya.

I mean, it just sounds like something a white person would think is a good idea.

No offense, Harry.

None taken. I freakin' love it.

I'm not trying to be whatever, but what the hell do you know?

-You've never even competed. -Yeah. Weddings are kind of our thing.

So is dominating the spelling bee, but you don't see that being a dance theme.

Whoa, spelling bee dance.

Our culture is bigger than Bollywood.

If we wanna win Best of the Best, we have to do something that feels singular.

Like what? Taking a robot to the face?

Whatever. Anjali agrees with me.

Uh… well, I mean, Maya's right. It is a little expected.

Uh… but…

there is a lot of potential there,

so there's a world where a wedding theme might work.

Anj, are you seriously going Switzerland on me right now?

I dig the passion, Maya, but nostalgia scores, on average, 60% higher.

The judges will love this.

Or they'll think we're cliché and extra, so…

Ooh…

Okay. All right.

I see. You think all this is beneath you.

You think that Bollywood is too flashy,

too over the top to be worth your time?

Thing is, extra isn't an insult in this world, Maya. It's the point.

-'Cause life is extra. -Mm-hmm.

You're not sad when your mother dies. You're… you're shattered, right?

You're not happy when you fall in love. You're euphoric!

That's how it actually feels.

Bollywood is a celebration of being extra,

because to be extra… is to be human.

If you think that's tacky, I don't know what to tell you.

But, look, the floor is open if you got a better idea.

Bollywood Shaadi it is.

Two leads, bride and groom.

Hands up if you wanna be considered for the groom.

Oh!

Really? The white boy?

And hands up for the bride.

Deepica. Sumi.

Maya.

Anjali. Seriously, get that hand up.

-Oh, I'm good. -Come on. Don't be boring.

Dude. Go for it.

There we go.

Perfect. Voting ends after our dry run at Beta Sigma Eta.

-That's what I heard too. -Harry.

Mmm?

Don't tell anyone, but you got my vote for lead.

-For real? -Yeah.

You've been crushing it.

Thanks, bhai.

What the… That's actually racist. Harry, don't listen to his bullshit.

Yo, newb. You really want Ted Lasso leading the Bollywood team? No offense.

Better than Indian Tupac.

We all know those are glamor muscles, useless in real combat.

Okay! That's enough!

Five, six, seven, eight.

Ah, ah, ah.

Drop top, pawn shop Will I sell it? Hell, nah

Stop. Stop!

-Christ, we look like a Zumba class. -The newbs were all over the place.

Okay, well, that half of the team is being geriatric as hell.

Come on. No fighting in front of the white people.

Bossman, half the team's out for midterms. Why are we doing this show?

We need the money.

-Let's steal the recycling and go to Vons. -Okay. Uh… I'm gonna cancel.

-We can't be seen like this. -What? No…

Oh! Look at these losers.

I couldn't agree more.

Selena.

-What the hell are you doing here? -Okay, hostile.

-Always so serious, this one. -You better not be filming.

You think we came here to bite your choreo?

Stole everything else I showed you.

And won a championship and a microbrand deal with the Gap,

so maybe I'm just,

I don't know, better?

I knew this was a rebuilding year,

but this is just pathetic.

Taking in TikTok leftovers.

Mmm. You must be really desperate.

Not as desperate as driving to a school you don't even go to

to spy on the competition.

Ooh!

But I'm not seeing any competition.

How about you guys?

All I see is a jackass trying really hard to be cool again.

The hell did you call my friend?

Hey, white boy! You deaf?

Or is your Hindi not that good?

My Hindi is perfectly fine, jerk!

Piece of shit!

-Get him! -Hey, hey!

Stop!

What the hell is goin' on here?

I didn't pay you to fight. I paid you to dance,

so the university thinks we're welcoming to students of color.

Yeah, we got suspended because they think we can't tell you guys apart.

Y'all ready to go up or what?

If not, you better Venmo me back the money.

-Oh, we're different teams, man. -Oh, no! Please, don't.

We're super poor, and we really need the money.

Is it okay if just the three of us go on and perform?

I don't care. Just make it look cool.

This is insane. We gotta respond.

-Let's put bleach in their water bottles. -What? No. I meant with a routine.

Yeah, me too.

Look, our routine is nowhere near ready.

If a half-assed version of it leaks online and a judge sees it, we're screwed.

"We're screwed."

-You're not gonna let it go, are you? -Nope.

-We're going rogue, aren't we? -That's right.

-I can't talk you out of it? Okay. -Nah.

-Yo, what are they doing? -Hey. Where are you guys goin'?

Watch out.

Hey, my turn.

All yours, Anj.

Got you.

Ooh-hoo!

We gotta see this.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Genius! You took advantage of a frat guy while he was passed out. Legends.

Oh, and the look on Selena's face. I mean, she was speechless.

Steak night, baby!

-Yeah. -I can't tonight. I have that problem set.

Oh. Uh, you know what, guys?

We'll rain check. We're gonna have a ramen night tonight.

Ooh, ramen noodles? Send pics.

Send "noods." Get it?

Nerds.

Hey, Anj.

Thanks for sticking by me tonight.

I got you! Always.

But my bladder is about to burst. I'm gonna go look for a restroom.

All right. Okay.

But didn't it feel so good to beat Selena's ass?

Of course it did.

But I specifically asked Maya not to engage, and she did it anyway.

Like, literally, she finds every opportunity to undermine me.

Okay. The votes are in.

Five votes for Vishal,

six for Harry,

and 11 for Ronak.

Ronak is the groom lead.

And for the bride?

Uh… one for Deepica.

Two for Sumi.

-Sumi? -Four for me.

Seven for Anjali.

And eight for Maya.

-You're kidding me. -Seriously?

No, check it again.

Drone Strike is gonna be the face of our team?

Okay, Ronak, who'd you vote for?

-Anjali. -Deeps, how about you?

I voted for myself.

You know, Deeps, it's not against the rules to change your vote to Anjali.

If you did, she and Maya would be tied, and the captain is…

…the captain is the tie…

The captain is the tiebreaker! Ronak, you can make Anjali lead.

I mean, technically, that is all aboveboard.

-Totally not breaking any rules. -Uh-uh.

Anjali, she just feels like a lead. She's so positive and so--

So beautiful! So elegant! Just looking like a wow!

I mean, Anjali does have lead energy.

And Maya's impossible to control.

Plus, if the judges have to stare at Maya's goofy ass front and center,

we're never gonna win.

I've thought about this deeply. I'm changing my vote to Anjali.

Hey!

Whatcha doin'?

Nothing. Just sitting on this soft, soft grass.

That was so fun.

Oh, you were incredible, Maya, really.

Thanks.

Hey. You okay?

It's nothing.

I just, um…

I just overheard the team, uh, talking.

Sorry. Let me make sure it's not my mom.

Oh, yeah.

Oh my God, Ronak just emailed the team.

I made lead.

I made lead!

Oh my God!

-Dude, congrats! -Really?

-Are you sure you're cool with this? -Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?

I don't know. I mean, you wanted lead too.

Yeah, but

you got more votes.

Still, I just wanna make sure…

I am so happy for you. Okay?

Oh my God!

But there are more pressing matters to discuss,

such as you owe me some mother-F'ing Taco Bell.

Pay up. I'm hungry.

Check your e-mail. I think you've got a committee assignment.

Hmm?

Hello?

Yeah, I just saw. I'm so pumped!

You know what the best part is?

You only need one coat of this sealant to get that really nice sheen.

Not the semi-sheen. Full gloss.

Ain't that a bitch.

-Thank you, young man. -Hey, you are welcome, sir.

I say this with great respect.

You look like a Minion.

And I say this with great respect.

A-banana!

-No, honestly, it's a pretty sweet gig. -Hm.

The boomers treat me like a genius,

and they even let me work on my own projects.

Oh! What kind of projects?

-Uh, ever heard of Nunya? -Mm?

Nunya business?

Oh, mm! Mm-mm-mm!

So, we talking chicken coops or bird houses?

Which technically, in theory, is also a bird house.

Tsk. Come on, tell me. What projects?

-Okay. Come on. Come on. -Yes.

This is a Chandigarh chair.

So, after the British left,

Nehru wanted India to move forward, andnot be stuck in the past,

so he commissions all this cool, modern furniture for the government to use.

And some of these babies sell for, like, two grand a pop.

All right, settle down, Bob the Builder.

Unfortunately, this makes you… the perfect person for me to bother.

I need to make this doli for our corny-ass routine.

Wait, hold on a second.

Ronak put you on props? I thought you were trying out for the lead.

Emphasis on "tried."

Shit. I'm sorry, dude.

Well, hey, listen, I'm sure whoever did get it sucks, like, as a person.

I'm sure they dip their pizza in ranch, and use speakerphone in public,

and complain about subtitles.

-They picked Anjali. -Oh my God. That is amazing.

We love her. Okay.

You know what? I say let's pimp this thing out a bit.

But, first of all, we are gonna need some special pins for these hinges.

Your team is gonna lose their shit.

Maya, we were filming the intro video. What are we doin' here?

Dude, just breathe and unclench before you get your boxers in a bunch, hm?

Not possible. They're heavily starched.

Okay. Anyway, I've got something cool to show you guys.

Something that's gonna make those trust fund losers at USC cower.

Presenting…

the doli!

Ooh!

Maya, this looks nothing like the pictures I sent you.

Okay, well, just…

Here.

When Anjali gets on… Right?

Huh?

This is fire.

If we're stuck doing a wedding theme, we might as well do it with some panache.

Absolutely not.

But why?

We asked for something traditional and elegant.

Not a vaping tiger.

It's a fog machine blowing flower petals. It's not that deep.

We haven't even practiced with this thing.

Okay? I can't have unknown variables messing us up.

Come on! We need to stand out, Ronak.

That's why Anjali's the lead. It's her job to make us stand out, not yours.

We leave for San Diego in 24 hours. Let's go. Back to rehearsal, everyone.

This is also the easiest exam of the year.

It only gets harder, so plan accordingly.

I'm not trying to put a target on your back, but you set the curve.

Sleep with one eye open.

Anjali…

Stay as long as you need.

It's time to strap in.

Competition season starts now.

Over 100 teams.

Over 2,000 dancers.

But tonight,

only the best move forward.

UCLA, on deck!

All right!

Vishal! Last look on costumes. Come on, man!

Maya, don't forget to check the doli.

-Dude, I am right here. -Oh.

Yo, is it true that Selena got some crypto billionaire to fund their team?

Yeah, but he made them redo their entire routine to be about climate change.

-She's so cooked. -Good one!

Next up, we've got the coldest killers on the circuit,

the reigning champions, USC Tamasha!

What the hell?

This is the story of the first man who climbed Mount Everest.

This is not the story of the first man who made it back alive.

Mount Everest Ain't got shit on me

Mount Everest ain't got shit on me

'Cause I'm on top of the world

I'm on top of the world

Yeah

Wait a minute Get it how you live it

Ten toes in When we standing on business

-Get him! -He's escaping!

I'm a big stepper, underground methods

Top-notch hoes get the most Not the lesser

We have the human.

Bring him to me.

Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute Get, get, get, get it how you live it

Ten, ten, ten, standin' on business

USC Tamasha!

She just murdered you, Ronak. That's crazy.

-They are really good. -Ready for the next dance?

Come on. Let's just let this thing rip.

We should be pulling out all the stops, hmm?

Could we just stick to the plan this time?

I'm just really nervous about this. I want it to go well.

Okay, yeah, totally.

Hey.

You're gonna do great.

Coming to the stage, last year's Best of the Best runners-up,

UCLA Agni!

Their love was forbidden.

She had everything to lose.

He had nothing to lose.

But desire doesn't ask for permission.

He keeps me guessing

-Guessing -Spontaneous

-That's how he is -He's so persuasive

-So persuasive -And I'm his lady

Will you be mine in this life and the next?

Any life without you isn't worth living.

But they were too late.

Asha's parents had already betrothed her to the diplomat's son.

Fantastic dress.

Choose honor, Asha.

Choose passion.

Thinkin' of a master plan

You know anything you need, baby Ask your man

What the…

Oh!

I love you, Asha!

I love you more, Rehan!

Can anyone see?

-I have asthma! -Dimple, where are you?

-Mummy! -Oh! Harry, watch out!

Oh my God!

Aah!

-Shit. -Anjali!

Oh! No, no, no, no!

-No! Ow, ow, ow! -No! Stop!

-Stop! -Ow!

Keep dancing!

Oh no!

No! Wait, hold on!

Stop, stop!

No! No!

-I got it. Go. -No, no, no! No!

-That was so embarrassing! -No, that was so, so bad.

-Who messed up? Harry, was it you? -What the hell happened, everyone?

Guys, I… I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry.

I genuinely have no idea how that happened.

-Oh, my… -What?

Anjali…

What?

I was raised not to comment on women's appearances, but goddamn!

-Uh… -Nirbhay, what?

Nirbhay…

Oh, where's my hair?

My God, where's my hair? Where did it go?

Why is there a hole right here?

-Where is my hair? Where did… -It was the only way.

I, I, I… It's, uh, interesting. It looks good.

-Shit, shit. -Okay. It's just hair.

It was an accident, and maybe I can make it look cool.

-I can make it look cool, right? -Yes.

-Tell me it'll grow back! -Very chic…

This is so bad.

-But you're so pretty. -We can make it nice…

-You turned it on, didn't you? -No, Ronak, it was an accident!

It was an accident. Right?

Right?

I'm sorry.

I'm so, so sorry.

-That wasn't meant to happen. -What were you thinking?

It is a miracle that she's not in the hospital!

And you completely screwed our chances at placing.

I didn't want us to just place, you know, I wanted us to win--

Well, congrats on doing neither!

We weren't gonna beat USC.

That's not your call to make!

You're off the team.

-What? -What?

I said,

I'm kicking your ass off the team.

Are you serious?

Look, every team has one, okay?

The ball hog with the big attitude.

Big opinions and zero solutions,

and the mistake that most captains make is they give them a pass

because they're talented.

And you are talented, Maya.

But not enough to be worth the trouble.

-Okay, let's see what we can… -It's okay.

This is devastating.

UCLA plummets to 54th place.

With finals next month, it's safe to say their season is over.

Ronak, is getting back in this even possible?

Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

If we get first or second in Berkeley, we technically would have enough points.

Yeah, but Berkeley is an overnight trip.

-We don't have the money. -Is SASA doing the date auction this year?

Yeah, next weekend.

We'd need, like, the whole team to sign up to raise enough, but…

Hey, can we talk?

Yeah. Yeah.

-Yeah. What's up? -Okay. Um…

So I think you should reconsider kicking Maya off the team.

Not happening.

I'm furious, and you should be too.

I look like a flea-market Barbie doll.

Trust me, I'm pissed.

I know she messed up, but kicking her out is not the move.

She's the most creative dancer on the team, and everyone knows it.

If they were smarter, they would have voted her lead to begin with.

No. Listen, you're an amazing dancer,

and you deserve to be the lead.

Then don't I deserve a say in who's on the team?

You didn't see everyone. Chaos and confusion.

Just fog everywhere, flower petals everywhere.

It was a lot, man.

That's no reason to kick you off the team.

We're in 54th place.

Oh my God! That is bad.

-I'm sorry. Ronak's got a point. -What?

-Honestly. -Okay. Hey, hey! Come on. Come on.

Okay, well, they'd be in first place if they'd just made you lead from the start.

Yeah, well…

-Well, what? -No, nothing.

Sounds like somethin'.

I overheard Ronak, Deepica, and Dimple tallying up the votes.

I won lead, but then they switched it to Anjali

'cause she has more, uh… lead energy or whatever.

Are you serious?

You're only lead energy.

Your stage presence is magnetic.

Okay? When you're up there, locked in, hittin' those moves, doing your thing--

Oh my God.

-I am so sorry. -Are you okay?

There is actually a surprising amount of hair in this wheel, okay?

It is like a locker room shower drain. Look at that.

Jeez.

You need to tell Anjali.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I cannot do that to her. Okay?

She really likes Ronak, all right? I mean, look.

She has been fawning all over him

because he got her this weird Paddington knockoff.

-Oh my God. -What?

Wait. You don't know what this is?

A bear?

I'm sure that's supposed to be the Koh-i-Noor diamond.

The diamond the British stole from India that is famously known for being bad luck.

Every ruler who has ever owned the Koh-i-Noor diamond,

from Shah Jahan to Duleep Singh, they all saw their empires crumble.

That is not a cute teddy bear.

That is a cursed colonial diamond.

So that's what you do without a phone.

You read and shit. You think you're better than me?

Honestly, yeah. Kinda.

I get why you don't wanna tell Anjali, but you deserve to be lead.

I need to get back to wrapping this gift.

I'm a killer I'm a killer, I'm a killer

Bang, bang! Gun fingers in the mirror

I won't get caught this time

Commit the perfect crime

I'm a killer I'm a killer, I'm a killer…

Yo, yo, yo.

-Mmm? Mmm? -Oh, you didn't have to do anything.

All right, come on. Open it. Open it.

I sewed in some of your hair to it, so it should match.

Oh, also, I did get you a sexy leg dress,

so Ronak will be too busy looking down there instead of up… here.

I'm really sorry.

I really appreciate it. But no more surprises, yeah?

Mm-hmm.

I like brown girls with an accent…

Hey, baby girl!

Get that cute butt and fugly hair over here!

What are you guys doing here?

Kidnapping you for a spa day at the Hinoki salon.

Are you serious?

We have to do something about that hair. You look like you licked a car battery.

-Safeties gotta stick together. -The hell's a safety?

If no one bids on us at the date auction, we bid on each other for safety.

I can't right now. We have class.

So skip it.

Anj, you do have to do that online quiz too, remember?

Yeah, I know, I…

Could you just do it for me? Just this once?

-Dude… -I know. I've said that before.

But, hey, you… kind of owe me. I spoke to Ronak.

-He said you could rejoin the team. -Really?

-Wait, what? -Ronak said that?

Yeah! All you have to do is sign up for the date auction.

Oh yeah, no. No. Nope. Not doing that.

Why? I thought you'd be pumped.

Look, if you come, I promise I'll be your safety.

-There's nothing to be scared of. -Okay.

I'm not scared. I just don't wanna do it.

I'm really grateful that you talked to Ronak for me, but… I'm good.

So…

Uh, I can do your quiz for you. Seriously.

Go have a fun spa day with Double D.

Are you sure?

-Yeah. Have fun. -Brown boys with no brown friends

-Think they light-skinned… -Okay, Anj, get in.

Double D. I kind of like that.

Absolutely not.

Don't tell me that.

I mean, that is top-notch choreo. They were crisp. They were sharp.

Wow. You look…

-Stunning? -Hot?

-Gorgeous? -Dare I say, the moment?

Be honest. Do I look like Dora the Explorer joined a sorority?

I mean… vamonos.

Hmm. Okay, stop flirting. Everyone, let's get to the ballroom.

We're at tables six and eight.

Make sure to fill out your questionnaires, okay? Let's go, chop-chop.

Wait, hold on.

Did you speak to Maya?

Who won our little wager?

Unfortunately, you did.

Sorry. I mean, I hate to say I told you so,

but I knew she wasn't coming back.

But now you…

you owe me a mojito.

I can tell you miss me I can tell it hits, hits, hits

Not tryna be romantic I'll hit it from the back

Just so you don't get attached…

I just gotta say you guys look great, and I appreciate you doing this.

The number we're trying to hit tonight is three grand, so…

-Ooh, can you make it loud? -Loud

'Cause I'm so proud Baby, I'm so proud of you

Nice to have you back, Maya.

Nice to be back.

I mean, who doesn't love selling their body for bus fare? Right?

Oh my God, I love your sari.

Your hair. Dude, awesome.

Welcome to the 25th annual SASA winter formal and date auction.

Unfortunately, the board decided not to have us host this year.

Which is absurd!

Welcome your new host for this evening,

Professor Latif.

Have fun.

-Hey. Thank you. I, uh… -That girl's scary.

I don't love the optics of this either.

Let's try to get through tonight as quickly as possible

and let's not have a lawsuit.

Up first, he is captain of Masala, the all-male Hindi a cappella team.

Give it up for Gaurav Sen-Gupta.

Gaurav likes capoeira,

and he thinks Timothée Chalamet is a psyop.

Okay. Let's start at $20, and I'm being generous.

Sold for 20!

He is into mysticism, hexes, and curses.

Yes! There we go! Sold for $30!

There's someone for everyone here, folks.

Guys, she's pre-med. Buy the stock low.

Thank you! $60!

Sold for $30.

Sold to the pervert in the back!

Okay, we're moving. Let's give it up for Team Agni.

All right, it is a school event. Let's stand up, please. Thank you.

-Take it off, white boy! -No, keep it on, please.

And now for the men over six feet.

We start with 20. 30. 35. I'll take 40.

40… 70!

They're into it.

I know. Imagine what his mirror is like.

He is really into himself.

As Indians, we have a problem staring.

But, uh, this is a lot.

But it could be good.

In the sense that she will see you for who you are.

There we go. Thank you. I haven't seen her blink yet, but you did the right thing.

Guys, you get two women for the price of one.

Don't think… Scratch that.

320! 320!

-340! 340! -Yeah!

360 up here.

400!

Sold for 400!

-Maya, you're on deck. -We gotta close out big.

-Sorry. Okay. -Here we go. Let's keep going.

Up next, we have Maya Krishnaraj.

-Maya. -Huh?

Maya Krishnaraj, you guys.

Uh, Maya is a freshman comp sci major,

and her favorite snack is Flamin' Hot Cheetos.

So…

Let's start at $20.

Um… Sorry, sorry.

Uh, sorry.

One sec. Can… can I just say real quick, like, real quick…

Um…

This is weird, right?

Like, what are we doing?

I thought date auctions were canceled, like with plantation weddings and stuff.

Uh… so, you know, I… I just think we should maybe do a little soul-searching

and ask ourselves,

why are we so okay with this?

Are we not a part of the problem?

Is this

our plantation?

-Yeah. -Thank you so much, Maya, for that… poem.

Let's start at $20. $20.

The princess has arrived!

-Whoo! -Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Okay, why don't you do this every time I come into a room?

'Cause you just brought our total haul to $3,020! We're going to Berkeley!

We're gonna give the University of Spoiled Children

something they should've gotten growing up.

-A proper ass-whoopin'! -Aaah!

Whoo!

Fifteen. Let's do fif--

-Okay, can we please just stop? Please. -Guys, repeat after me.

"I bid $50 for a date with Maya."

Eww!

Okay. That's not what I meant.

That is something I would say if I weren't her teacher.

You can bid on her because she's an adult.

In the sense that she's barely… legal.

-Uh, scratch that. -Jesus Christ.

Someone please bid, for the love of God.

A thousand dollars.

I'm sorry, how much?

A thousand… dollars.

A thousand dollars, going once, going twice…

Maya, sold for a thousand dollars.

Uh…

Whatever you have recorded on your phone, please just delete.

Maya! Maya.

I thought you had work.

Yeah, I got off early.

It was either date auction or Frisbee on the quad.

But my Frisbee privileges haven't been reinstated yet, so…

Okay, well, you didn't have to drop a thousand dollars.

I don't know what to tell you. It was more fun than I thought, you know?

Right. Then you know what?

You can just go back in there. Get a refund.

I'm pretty sure they said all transactions are final.

Well, then, you know what?

I think you got a pretty raw deal.

Yeah, well, you know what I think?

I think you are an absolute steal.

So, how about that date?

Like… like, now?

-I'm sorry, did you wanna go back inside? -No. I just…

Don't let me forget. I have to do a comp sci quiz before midnight.

Oh, I was actually gonna suggest that as our date night activity.

-Oh, were you really, huh? -Mm-hmm.

Who knew Minions had money?

It's a collective fund.

We're unionized.

Okay, I clearly need another drink.

Well, you're in luck, 'cause I owe you one.

For what?

For losing our bet. I gotta give Maya credit for showing up.

-Oh crap. -What?

-Crap! -What?

-Crap! Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap! -Anjali?

Maya.

Maya! Hey!

What's up?

Uh, I saved you a seat.

Oh, I came late, so sat up front.

Yeah. You got home pretty late last night.

Yeah.

I… I was just worried, is all.

It's all good. I gotta run.

Maya! Okay, Maya. Maya, I am so, so sorry about the date auction.

-I don't know what happened. -You bailed on me. Not complicated.

No, no, no, I was planning on coming back, but everyone kept going--

-I just-- -You promised to be my safety.

-But got smashed with your friend group. -Maya, I'm sorry! I know, I'm sorry, okay?

Uh…

Anj? Hey, hey. What's wrong?

I don't wanna make this about me. I'm sorry.

Hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay. Come on. It's okay.

I don't understand how this happened. I aced this week's homework.

You did my quiz, and then I wake up to this email.

No, yeah, totally. I mean, it has to be some kind of mix-up.

-Sure. -Right? It has to be.

We just gotta fix it before my mom finds out.

When your dad left, everybody in the family blamed me.

I was too intense, too controlling.

I drove him away.

The world is not forgiving to women.

It judges us on how we look, how we talk,

how ambitious we are.

The only thing that allows you to not give a shit what anyone thinks

is your degree.

It's your leverage.

And I won't let you squander it.

You have until the end of the quarter.

And if you don't get your grades up,

you're gonna be finishing the year at community college.

-I'm so sorry. -Mm-mm. It's not your fault.

I think it might be my fault.

Hmm?

I forgot to do your quiz.

I am so sorry. It was a complete accident, I swear.

It's just… Arjun wanted to hang out late, and I lost track of time.

Anj, look. Seriously, I am so sorry.

Mmm.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Uh… Hey, uh, where… where are you going?

I just…

I just need some air.

Breathe out, deep breath.

-This will center you. -This is so good.

You've been using it for a while now.

Okay, a little bit higher. To the left.

All right, listen up, everyone.

As you may have noticed, Anjali is not here,

and she won't be for the rest of the year.

Because she quit.

-Oh my God. -It's Lyme disease, isn't it?

Academic probation.

That's real?

Obviously, this puts us in a tough spot with Berkeley a few weeks out.

Who's gonna fill in?

According to the rules,

the person who came in second for lead gets bumped up.

In our case, that person is Maya.

Six, seven, eight!

One and two and three and four!

Ronak, work that entrance!

-Little present for holdin' on so long -…where you change M…

I could not bear the thought of it

-Two days ago… -…you would calculate…

-Five, six, seven, eight! -Don't think I would forgive myself

…and then calculate F based on this new value.

Dimple, be on time for once, yeah?

Bro, this is not my job. This is Harry's job.

-Shut up, Vishal. I got it. -You sure, bro?

-Bro, your legs are shivering. -Oh my God.

Go in. You know what, go in…

Man, I tried to find someone to sub in for my shift, but…

-Dude. Stop. -No.

You're all good.

Yeah, but you're finally lead. I wanna see you on stage doin' your thang.

Mm. Well, if you wanna see me "doin' my thang,"

then you can watch the live stream.

No. No, no. That made me sound like a cam girl.

You know what? It did, but I would watch it anyway.

Okay, now Harry shows up.

-When we're almost done. -Go!

-Think fast. -Says the guy who isn't under…

-Um… -The reason we were late…

I'm not really good at the PDA thing.

Cool. Yeah.

-But… -It's fine.

-I will call you when I get there? -Yes.

-All right. -Okay.

-Kick some ass at Berkeley. -Will do.

…this right now…

-Hey! -Hey!

-Oh. -Oh!

-Here you go. -Oh.

Dude, you did not have to get it dry-cleaned. Thanks!

-Are you kidding? It was gross. -Rotate.

Well, I will see you when I get back.

-It's a square. Doesn't matter. -Break a leg.

-Only one direction it can go. -Thanks.

-Come out. -Is that everything?

-One more thing. -What?

Wait.

Yo, what the fuck?

Idiot.

See ya!

Open the door. This is trafficking!

UCLA brought it this time!

Let's go!

-Hey! -Hey!

It wasn't our best, but should be good enough to place

based off of the teams we've seen.

Come on, that was more than good enough! That was fantastic!

Let's go! Yeah!

Good job, guys. Good job.

UCLA! UCLA!

Okay, y'all. We got one final act.

They've got Wranglers on their booty and spurs on their jutti.

Make some noise for UT Dallas!

Praise the Lord For Southern women, crispy chicken

Praise the Lord for East Atlanta

Country Grammar and my nana

I might turn up on Saturday

But first thing Sunday morn'

I praise the Lord

Praise the Lord for Southern women Hemi engines, crispy chicken

I might turn up on Saturday

But first thing Sunday morn'

I praise the Lord

Holy shit, these guys are good.

And kind of hot.

Their smoke too tough, their swag too different.

Yeah, only 'cause they got their swag from somebody else.

What are you talking about?

They totally ripped this choreo from Quick Style. We gotta say something.

You should file a complaint!

Maya, I'm not in the mood for one of your crusades, okay?

Dude, you're the team captain.

You're the only one who can do it, so just talk--

Maya, just drop it.

Okay.

UCLA's season is over!

They ended up taking third place! Let's go!

But nationally, they're 11th,

just shy of the top ten, which means, despite a killer show,

UCLA will not be going to Best of the Best.

Second place went to the Dallas Bandits,

I'm here with the fools who took first place.

No surprise, it is USC Tamasha!

-How do you feel? -Amazing.

But first, I wanna say none of this would have been possible

without my friends at the Gap.

Get 10% off with the promo code Selena.

S-E-L-E-N-A.

Everybody move

Everybody

Everybody move

Everybody…

Johnnie Walker Black.

The only sensible drink for a sad Indian man.

What's up? Shots!

What's going on?

We still got third! We should be celebrating!

-Maya, come here! -Guys.

Scoresheet from tonight.

I need to kill a part of my brain to make this make sense.

Dallas got a nine for their choreo,

that they stole!

And we got, what, a seven? How does that make any sense?

I mean, I crushed my solo.

Yeah, your solo hit, but the team also killed it.

We got a nine on formations.

Totally. You and Harry finally hit that center formation.

You missed it all week but you showed up when it mattered.

Okay, thanks.

And, Sumi, your face, so much better.

Usually, you look like you're trying to pass a kidney stone, but it was good.

-It was good. -You're too kind.

Okay, let's hit the dance floor. I'm done feeling like a loser.

Guys, guys, come on. Don't be butt-hurt.

Guys! Harry, you did it.

Maya.

Noice. That's some top-notch leadership.

-I was just being real. -Oh, we're being real now?

All right, let's be real. This was my last chance to beat USC.

-And you blew it for me. -Dude, what the hell are you smoking?

You're the reason why we fell so far in the rankings.

Really?

'Cause we would have gotten first in San Diego

if you had just let me turn on the doli carriage, but no.

No. It's always your way or no way at all.

That is so rich coming from the person whose only setting is open hostility.

'Cause I don't fall in line like your kiss-ass groupies?

No. 'Cause you don't even try to be a team player, Maya.

Mmm.

Yeah.

Nah. See,

what you actually said was that I don't have lead energy.

And that I'm impossible…

to control.

Yo! No way, no way!

Dallas has been disqualified for plagiarism. They're out. We're in.

-What? -Can't be real.

-Wait, what? -We got in!

Dallas got disqualified!

Oh my God!

You reported them. You actually listened to me.

I didn't think it would even work! But you were right!

-You were right! -Guys!

We just got into Best of the Best!

Leave it with delusions There's one more appealing

One that could save us both

Strangers can't do this Turn your pain into music

I'm your solution One that could save us both…

I'm sorry.

I should've never taken the lead from you.

We… we wouldn't be here without you.

UCLA is going to Best of the Best!

Whoo!

They spent the night getting shwasted.

But I was lucky enough to get some one-on-one time

with Agni's newest badass, Maya,

formerly known as Drone Strike,

and, girl, you've come a long way.

That is right. Head bitch in charge over here.

-And let's just say it's about time. -You just became lead, right?

There was that other girl, Anjali. Super cute, by the way.

But she had that whole prop mishap.

A lotta followers wanna know, is that why you replaced her, or…

No, she's on academic probation.

Which is not to say she's dumb.

She's super smart. It's just, you know, you get a bad quarter.

For sure, yeah. Well, Horny4Dance wants to know,

"Will Anjali be back for the championship? She's so hot."

Okay, yo, Horny4Dance, stop being a horndog. Okay?

It's not a beauty contest. It's about talent.

I know what you need

You talk in your sleep…

-Hey. -Hey!

What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be celebrating?

Oh, I did enough of that last night. I just came by to drop off some tools.

Thanks.

Hey.

Hey! What's up?

I don't know what this is.

You're saying you wanna hang, but then you're always pulling away.

And then you're all over Ronak.

What are you talking about?

I saw the video, Maya.

What video?

The one of you and Ronak… dancing.

All over my socials.

But you're not on socials.

I used my old iPhone to live stream your competition.

Okay, listen. Everyone else was also there. Ronak actually said sorry.

He shits on you all year.

Kicks you off the fricking team, and what?

One apology and now you're his biggest fan?

-Great. -Hey, Arjun.

Okay, just listen. Okay, look. Ronak means nothing to me.

Yeah, but his approval means everything to you.

You care so much about what everybody else thinks,

except for the people that actually care about you.

So, you know what? Good luck with Best of the Best.

But I gotta get back to work.

What's up? This is Jelly Cat! Leave a message.

Anj?

That's it.

That's it. I need to see you turn.

Was this in the dorm room that you guys shared before you put it on?

Honestly, you should take off anything that touched her, that she wore.

Let's just cleanse the energy of Maya. You know?

You want me to take my clothes off?

Anj? You there?

What do you want, Maya?

-I just wanna talk to Anjali. -She's not here.

-She doesn't wanna talk to you! -Shut up, Deeps!

Sorry.

Please, Anj. Okay? I just wanna talk. Okay? Just let me explain.

I don't need you to explain shit to me. I can understand a video.

Nothing happened between Ronak and me.

Oh, please! That is so not what I'm mad about!

Is it the interview? Anj, I'm sorry, okay?

She hit me with a weird question, and I was just trying to defend you.

You basically said I'm an idiot who can't dance to the entire world.

That's not what I said.

God, you always do this!

You screw things up, and I'm the one that gets left holding the bag!

Okay, so I'm the only one who's making mistakes?

You haven't left me hanging? You haven't had my back all year!

All year?

Ever since you got lead, you have ditched me for Ronak

and Thing One and Thing Dumb over here.

-What the hell? -Whoa!

Of course, there's always someone else to blame!

You never, ever take accountability!

Enlighten me, Anj. What have I not taken accountability for?

How about stealing lead from me?

What are you talking about?

Yeah, sure, you accidentally forgot to do my quiz,

which coincidentally made you lead.

I mean, how stupid do you think I am?

I would never do that to you.

That's what I thought.

I thought my best friend would always have my back.

Till I saw you all over Ronak.

Oh my God, I knew you were still pissed about that!

I didn't love it!

I'm telling you we were all just dancing. We were drunk.

We were celebrating, okay? It meant nothing!

Obviously, Ronak would never have done that sober!

Right. Because how could someone like him

ever dance with someone like me in the right state of mind?

Oh my God, that is so not what I said! Don't turn this into a pity party

to distract from the fact you just can't handle that I won lead over you.

You were never supposed to be lead in the first place!

-What are you talking about? -Why don't you ask your best friends?

Maya, don't.

I was never gonna tell you,

but I got more votes than you.

But they made you lead because you have more lead energy.

Wonder what they meant by that, huh?

That's why you got lead.

That's why you get everything.

That's not true.

Is it?

It is so exhausting having to stand next to you.

You are so easy to like. I'm not.

I have to work so much harder to get far less.

But the worst part is,

the part that really sucks,

is that my own… best friend can't see that.

You were always telling me to let shit go.

Okay.

Fine.

You can have lead,

because I… quit.

That's our show, everyone.

Yeah? Have a great break.

And I felt what you did

And I heard what you said

And I felt to my core

But I couldn't believe The words I read

I read

Ooh

The force froze me in time

While you cling to the past

And you missed how I've changed

So you could never know

Who I am

I am

Am

Did I ever know you?

I can't be sure

We saw a different side

What a difference time shows

Did I ever know you?

I can't be sure

Somewhere between what was

And what will be

Not sure they know how to play.

-Get off! Aah! -Don't you just love child labor?

Smile, Maya! Smile, kanna!

Like Anjali, kanna. Try to look like her.

-Oh, food's here! -Oh!

-Thank you. -Thank you so much!

You're such a beautiful girl, Anjali.

Rekha, you have such a lovely little girl.

What is this?

What? I like it. It's cool.

Tsk! My eye! I just wanna take one good photo.

And there they are!

-Mom, stop! -Oh gosh, you guys look amazing!

Everybody get in the car. Come on.

Why do I always have to play the man?

Yo. Welcome back from break.

You missed nacho night. Do you want a nacho?

-No. -Okay. You sure?

Chip to cheese ratio is… mwah! Michelin.

Oh, look at that.

If you're trying to get me to join back on the team, it's not gonna happen--

Why would I do that?

You chose to quit.

And I respect a woman's right to choose.

All right, look.

You guys are better off without me, anyway. I'm a shit lead.

You're not a shit lead, you're just a shit leader,

'cause you wanted lead for yourself so you could show up some Internet trolls.

No, no, no. You don't know what it feels like

to never get the respect that you know you deserve.

Dude. Be so for real. This isn't about Anjali.

It's about this.

-Ha-ha. A chip on my shoulder, really? -Yeah, it is. Okay?

It's big and delicious, and it's the truth.

And you can't see it sitting in front of your face.

You won lead, remember?

We voted for you.

But you're so focused on being wronged

that you can't even see what's going right.

We chose you because you have vision. You have drive. You follow your gut.

You trust your instincts. You have a total inability to shut up.

And we went, "Yeah, we want more of that."

And now you're choosing to bail on us.

From the top!

-One, two, three, four. -What are we even doing?

-We won't win. -Feel the romance.

-Okay! Where are you, Harry? -Coming, bhai!

-Oh! -Whoa!

Sorry. Oh, I'm sorry, bhai.

What the hell is your problem, white boy?

Hey! Do not come at him like that.

I'll say whatever I want to the white boy.

Yo, I have had it with this fool!

Call him white boy one more time, see what happens.

Stand down, bro. I'm not trying to steal your boyfriend!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa! -Whoa! That's not cool.

Love is love.

Yeah. We accept all people, you dumb immigrant.

-That's not either. -No one is illegal.

Let's refocus.

What the hell is this gora even doing on this team?

-He's not even Indian! -Oh!

Harry is the most Indian dude here. Harry, don't listen to him.

Vishal's feeble mind cannot comprehend

that South Asian culture is not a static artifact,

but a living palimpsest,

immune to the parochial gatekeeping of fragile men.

I don't know what she said.

She called you a dumbass, dumbass.

Says a loser who only made the team on his fourth try.

-Put 'em up! -Whoa! Hey, hey, hey, hey!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa! No! No! -Finally, it's happening.

Violence is not the answer.

Time to go night-night.

What the hell is going on?

My God! Sumi! Where did you get a taser from?

-I won it. Church raffle. -What?

Uh… what are you all doing?

Okay, what are you doing here? I thought you quit.

I came to apologize.

I've been a prick.

Definitely not the easiest to work with. And I am really sorry for bailing on you.

That was a shitty, shitty thing for me to do.

But I want back on the team.

If you guys will have me, of course.

Okay. So, you got an idea for a new routine?

What is the plan? What is the plan? Okay.

Um, first, I just wanna say I…

-Anjali! Come in! -What are you doing here?

-I got off probation. -We missed you!

Thanks for coming.

Uh, I just wanna say,

I totally understand why we went all-in on nostalgia.

Bollywood runs on nostalgia.

And skin-whitening creams, but… mostly nostalgia.

And we copy the greats because it's safe. And memories are incredibly powerful.

Even the ones

we wanna forget.

We have got to stop obsessing over the things we have lost.

We have to stop chasing what was stolen from us.

And start focusing on the things that no one can take away from us.

Well, then I think the only way we pull this off

is if you and Anjali are the leads.

-Oh. Um… -That's not--

-I don't know if logistically that-- -No. There's no time, okay?

You two are the only ones who can pick up a routine that fast.

So let's put it to a vote.

All those in favor of Maya and Anjali…

Hey, so just so you know, file I/O and search engines will be on the final.

That's it.

Maya, Anjali, hang back.

So I heard you made, uh, championships. Congrats.

Look, I don't know what's goin' on between you two

and, frankly, I'm embarrassed that I even care.

But here's what I do know.

In 15 years, a grand total of no one will be talking about the drama

of collegiate Bollywood dance.

Because when you have a mortgage and back pain,

all you can remember is the good times.

I don't even remember our routine.

But every single one of those people was at my wedding.

Except that guy. That guy is in prison for wire fraud.

Look, whatever it is, just fix it.

Otherwise, you're gonna miss out on 15 years of memories,

and you're not even gonna remember why you fought in the first place.

Welcome to Best of the Best!

Tonight, we crown the top Bollywood dance team in the nation.

Okay!

Last looks on costumes! Thank you.

-Ronak. -Yeah?

-Check props. Sumi. -Okay.

Oh! You are HPV! We just can't get rid of you.

I'm sure we're not your first STI.

Just remember, you're not here 'cause you deserve to be.

You're here 'cause you complained.

UCLA on deck!

I'm gonna kill her.

-Let her go, killer bee. -Makeup lying around…

Where's Maya?

I need my lip gloss. Where's my lip gloss?

No, Mom, I promise you they're there.

She's saying there's nothing under my name.

Can you please check again? Hang on, Maya.

Hey. We're about to go on.

Yeah. One sec.

Is that Anjali? How is she doing?

Chill. She's fine.

Then why is she dropping out of computer science?

Wait, wait. Okay, she found the passes! We'll talk after the show.

Oh… okay, yeah. Bye.

I just wanna say, you're doing good…

So, my mom said you dropped out of comp sci?

Oh, yeah.

You know, actually learning the material made me realize how much I…

How do I put this?

Hate it?

So, what's your new major?

Uh, undecided.

I've spent so much of my life doing whatever you did,

I just… need some time to figure out what I actually want, you know?

Can't keep copying off you forever.

Anj, look, I am so sorry

for all the awful things I said about you, okay?

-I-- -Maya, stop.

Okay? I'm not upset about what you said.

I'm upset about what you didn't say.

I mean, how could you not tell me about lead?

What was I supposed to say, Anj?

You were so happy to be lead. I could never take that from you.

But I can't be happy if you're not.

And I hate that I didn't see it.

I've just spent my entire life always being the weird one.

Or the difficult one. And when they made you lead…

I don't know.

It felt normal.

But look. You didn't know that, okay?

But I should have.

I should have.

It was happening right in front of me.

Y'all ready for more show?

Next up, UCLA Agni!

So,

are we still best friends?

We were never best friends, Maya.

We've always been sisters.

Uh…

Front row.

On the left.

I couldn't let her miss this.

For centuries, the Koh-i-Noor diamond was our greatest treasure.

Until it was stolen.

But our wealth was never theirs to take.

Now it's time to settle the score.

And take back what's ours.

To all museum security…

…this is your only warning.

Stay out of our way.

Museum security breach. Museum security breach.

We're not here to steal the diamond.

We don't need it.

We're enough without it.

-Wassup? -Huh?

-Wassup? Wassup? -Bitch, wassup?

-Huh? -Wassup?

-Wassup? -Wassup?

-Huh? -Wassup?

Wassup?

Oh, come on!

-What happened to the power? -Please stay calm.

-We'll check circuit breakers. -Keep dancing?

-We're about to win. -What do we do?

There's no way we did all this for nothing.

We've always been sisters.

Maya, what are you doing?

I got you! Always.

Wait.

Power's back!

Five, six, seven, eight!

Whoo!

UCLA! UCLA!

-UCLA! UCLA! -Yes! Yes!

UCLA! UCLA!

-You never know. -No, I know. I know.

-I think you would. -I totally do. Oh yeah.

Hey.

That was incredible.

Thank you.

We won!

Ah.

There's a lot of people around.

Yeah. Let 'em watch.

I gotta go.

Hey. Where you goin'?

Longtime tradition.

I got someone's favorite!

-Dope. Sour cream? Extra? -Oh!

-Yeah! -Come on!

This is not amateur hour.

I am so hungry, I could eat ten of these.

Here we go.

Come to Mama.