Original subtitles

Amen.

So, who wants to carve?

I'll carve.

Mm.

We need more wine.

Jojo, breast?

-Breast or thigh? -Hmm?

Oh, um...

Jim, no phone at the table.

Both.

Well, someone's hungry.

This is the good stuff.

Costco had a sale.

Saving it for a special occasion.

Tonight is a special occasion?

Every Sunday dinner,

with my two precious babies,

is a special occasion, isn't it?

Say "yes," dear.

-Yes, dear. -Thank you.

Oh, no thanks, I'm doing a cleanse.

A heavy cream and cheddar cleanse?

Fatty-fatty-boom-boof?

Jim-jamin, leave your sister alone.

She looks happy.

Healthy.

Robust.

Mom! I'm just taking a break from booze.

Your blood is proof.

Well, addiction runs on your father's side.

-Good for you, sweetheart. -Great-grandfather.

Are there bacon bits?

Are there bacon bits?

Of course, I mean, is the Pope Catholic?

I'll get the bacon bits. Of course, they're right here.

Why would I not make bacon bits?

There's always room for bacon.

Here you go, Jojo.

Jim-jamin, red or white?

-Those crispy enough? -Yeah.

-Beer? -Uh, no, I'm good--

-We've got plenty in the fridge. -I know you like them crisp.

Fine, I'll have white.

It's plenty crisp.

All right.

That's uh, that's good, thank you.

Okay. Don't make me get my belt.

All I ask for is one evening a week

of your undivided attention.

Whether we like it or not.

A toast.

To a perfect night, with my precious little babies.

It's bad luck to "cheers" with water.

Okay.

This.

This is why Sunday family dinners are so special.

And I don't why her dog loves that back Mugo Pine

so much, but it's the third time this month.

So I call her on the phone, and I say,

"Ronda, if I find another mutilated rabbit back there,

I'm just gonna--"

Well, okay. The point of the story is,

it reminded of this time when the two of you were little.

And, well,

You know if I had my way,

I would just shrink you both down,

and stuff you back inside, and do it all over again.

- Gross. Gross! - Oh, my. Ohh!

I gotta pee.

Oh, forgive me for loving my babies.

Just 'cause they cut the umbilical cord does--

Oh, Jojo, use the one upstairs.

The doorknob down here is broken,

it locks you in from the inside.

Don't ask. Oh, this house!

Oh!

Jerry, we've gotta fix that.

Okay, what if I was pooping?

You're being weird tonight, right?

I can't, okay? I can't.

I can't just take another Sunday dinner,

where we just pretend we're this cozy family,

where we talk, and we talk,

while Mom talks, and nothing real is actually said.

Yeah, just put your head down, and it'll be over soon.

Of course you would say that.

What is that supposed to mean?

Because at the first whiff of conflict,

you always turtle back into your shell.

What, I'm supposed to be up here,

-pounding anxiety pills instead? -I wasn't!

And, yes, of all of us, you absolutely should have--

Okay, I'm sorry, I just don't understand what your problem is.

The problem is Mom can't get over the fact

that we're not babies anymore.

And I swear to God, if she says "babies" one more time,

I'm gonna murder somebody.

Pregnant.

What? No.

Did you not hear anything--

I have never seen you turn down wine.

You have baby on the brain.

And mosquito bites, your boobs look huge.

They do, don't they?

I'm not pregnant.

-Mm... -Where's Pete?

Wow. Okay?

Maybe you're avoiding the subject a little bit?

-I would say? -I am not avoiding the sub--

Mm!

I'm gonna be a guncle.

We have to tell them, Joy.

Ah, we will, when the time is right.

The deal was dinner.

Good memories in this house.

-Can we just promise-- -Kids!

- No dessert! - Dishes!

No, they can't handle it, Joy,

otherwise, they'll show up next Sunday, and--

And then it's Chickenfoot!

I mean, forget the spin cycle, do I do color?

Do I do stainless steel?

Okay, just buy a new one, you know?

It's been broken for--

Well, a dishwasher is an investment piece,

more research is required.

It's just not the right time.

And when will the right time be?

Well, if we bought it already,

we wouldn't be sharing this bonding moment

with our two babies.

Whoa, what's with all of the--

Costco had a sale.

-Honey, it's still dirty. -Oh, I got it. I got it!

-Let me do it. -Kids, your mother and I have--

Jerry, Christ on a cracker,

look what you made me do.

Give it to me.

Nothing is going to ruin tonight.

Nothing.

Pete works such long hours,

but Sunday overtime, though.

Ooh, tricky fours.

I love Pete, he's a second son,

but tonight it feels like old times,

just the four of us.

Yeah, it's too bad that Pete's missing out.

Tricky threes.

- Still feeling nauseous? - Oh, sweetheart,

you have the tummy rumbles?

I'm fine. Your turn, Dad.

I already know, Jolene.

I'm just waitin' for the right time.

Yeah, well, you just stay fine,

because it's pie next, and then a campfire.

It's freezing outside.

Well, it's a good thing your father spent all afternoon

chopping wood to keep us toasty.

We have to tell them, Joy.

Tell us what?

That this is a Sunday dinner to remember, that's all!

Oh, we have to rip off the bandage!

-Dad, what is going on? -Everything is fine!

Everything is not fine!

-Kids, we have to tell you-- -No, Jerry!

I want one last night!

Surprise!

Frank.

Jesus, Jerry, with a face like that,

people might think you weren't happy to see me.

Baby brother.

Whoa!

There's no fuckin' way I'm gettin' on a fuckin' plane.

Language.

Pardonnez-moi, Joy.

Gotta keep it loose.

Gotta keep Big Brother from guessing where I'm at.

So, one of the bus drivers, a lady driver--

Total smoke show.

She looks at my ID and says, uh, "Sanchez?"

I say, "Fuck yeah, Sanchez."

She gives me this deadly look.

Dear old Daddy-o, he'd have pissed his panties.

Been a quivering pussy since the day he was born.

But I got to admit, for a moment there I thought,

fuckin' balls, I'm cooked.

And I paid a little Mexican fellow mucho pesos

for that ID.

But it turns out, she just wanted a taste

of Frank's old... hot sauce.

So--

We spent three glorious nights kapow-ing in El Paso.

Ah, I'm still off the grid.

Life is grand.

But I says to myself, I says,

"Frank, you gotta get home by Sunday,

because, uh...

there might be a little slice of pie in it for you."

Am I right, Joy-less?

You got a slice of pie for me?

Thursday. We agreed on Thursday.

What in the Sam heck?

So, Uncle Frank, how's Mexico?

Oh, you know.

Tamale, tamale, tamale.

Got a couple of golf games in.

Ah! Just happy to be...

home.

-How's about you, Jimbo? -Oh, uh...

Still sucking the old "D"?

Oh, Banana Breeze.

Well, shit in my drawers!

Language.

Joy Jennings' world-famous Banana Breeze pie.

Only thing in your life you managed to get right.

If I was on death row, this would be my last meal.

Well, don't just stand there like an asshole, Joy-less.

Let's cut this fucker up!

What the fuck are you doing here?

-Jolene. -Jolene.

That's no way to talk to your uncle, Lady No-Jo.

You've been MIA in Mexico forever.

Honestly, your absence, thrilling.

And now you just suddenly show up on a random Sunday?

What the fuck do you want this time?

You haven't told them.

You haven't told them!

Oh, this is good.

This is too, too fucking good.

As if pie wasn't sweet enough,

now I get dinner and a show.

Fuck pie.

I'm gonna want popcorn for this.

-What is he talking about? -Jim, Jolene, serve pie.

Jerry, Frank, outside.

Now!

Four more days, we have. We have four days.

We're not even packed, Frank.

We're not even packed.

Why didn't you tell them--

It doesn't matter. They didn't need to know.

Stop with the pie!

Mom said to serve pie, and so I'm serving pie.

What could Pete be texting you right now

that is more important than this?

They're freaking out!

Yeah, everyone is freaking out.

Everyone is freaking out!

Are you okay?

Pete and I are getting a divorce.

- Oh my God! - Run, Joy, run!

No!

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, my babies.

Your father and I have something we need to tell you.

Do you want to start? Do you want to tell them how your--

- No, I'll do it. - Okay, all right.

-The truth is-- -Yeah.

Go on.

The truth is, your-- your father and I

may or may not have committed--

-no, committed is-- -Yeah, um, yeah.

It's too strong of a word to--

Yeah, what your mother is trying to say, is, um,

your mother is trying to say, I'm-- I'm-- I'm gonna try.

Ooh.

Oh. Oh, dang. Dang, dang, dang.

Pulling the bandage off is harder than I thought.

Mm!

Okay, okay.

Um, the travel agency, yeah, yes?

- Yeah. - Right?

Well, before we closed it and retired,

um, you know, I mean, it had been hemorrhaging money

for a decade, I mean, the apps, and the taps,

and it was just-- it was just terminal.

But-- but a-- a friend of Pop-Pop's,

an-- an old Navy buddy, he needed a hip replacement,

and he started a-- a-- a grow-op.

And you know I have a zero tolerance policy for--

for-- for drugs, and although we didn't handle,

personally, the merchandise, he, um, he-- he--

he-- he needed somewhere to hide--

-Yeah, not hide, uh, store. -Store.

-Shift. -Shift. Shift the extra money.

And, uh, using the, uh, the travel agency's books,

- we managed to-- - Yeah, well,

-we moved a decimal. -Or three.

Your father's so good with numbers.

And I'm very good with that, so we just--

You know, so we thought of creative ways

-of the travel agency-- -I mean, certain tax loophole...

to bring in income, and then, you know, spend said income.

...that technically speaking, weren't within the realm

-of legality, but-- -Yeah, mm-hmm.

The point of this story is--

Well, the point of the story is your Uncle Frank caught wind...

And he's blackmailing us.

Okay, it just sounded like you were laundering money,

and you had committed a federal crime.

A crime!

And that Frank was blackmailing you.

Blackmail!

Well, I don't-- I don't know what's so funny.

Uh, your father and I are losing our home.

You.

You're losing your home.

Frank's taking the house.

Tonight's our last Jennings' family dinner here.

Wait, you two are serious?

Would I make Banana Breeze for any old Sunday?

Huh?

- Uh-- - No.

No, no, no, no, no. This is not happening.

Yeah, it is.

He's taking everything.

Everything.

Including the nest egg.

I'm taking the nest egg, too.

What nest egg?

Five million dollars?

- Five million. - Yeah.

-Turns out, moving money-- -Laundering.

-No, shifting. -Shifting money can be

a very lucrative business.

And you-- and you--

And I am taking all of it.

You know, the hospitality tonight has been sub-par.

Ah!

I graciously let Joy host one final Jennings' family dinner

before all of this is mine.

But, uh...

I want you all out tonight.

That was not the deal, Frank.

I'm not going anywhere.

Oh, but you are, Lady No-Jo.

Because if you don't, I'm going to call a friend of mine

over with the po-po, and--

Your dear old Daddy-o here

goes away for a long, long time.

And maybe I'll throw Mom in there for good luck.

And there's nothing you can do about it.

This house,

the five mil,

it's all mine.

You can have it back over my...

dead... body.

-What if I was pooping? -Stop hiding.

-Mom told us to pack. -Ah!

We can't let him get away with this.

We can't let him just take it.

He's taking it. All of it.

Our home.

Our home!

Well, we knew this was coming. I've been saying for weeks.

Well, we've worked all our lives for this.

I mean, to finally have the life we've always wanted.

Where we wouldn't have to worry.

Where we knew that we had something squirreled away

when we died, to take care of our children.

Okay, this is more important.

More important than my marriage?

-Yes. -Okay.

Just because you and Carl weren't able to make it work

doesn't mean that marriage isn't actually an important,

-sacred thing to-- -Five million dollars.

This house.

Our fucking criminal parents.

Well, we're too old to start again.

-It'll be fine. -You're gonna pump gas,

while I bag groceries until we're 90,

living in some-- oh! Infested apartment,

uh, while our children, our poor children,

fend for themselves!

My retirement plan was this house.

Okay? And now, with this...

-Hmm! -Pete and I are so broke.

No, they're gonna be alone, and fend for themselves

with nothing, nothing!

Oh, who's gonna take care of them?

We can't even afford a divorce.

This is where I birthed our son, Jim, right here.

Ah, little bugger practically fell out.

Well, fucking what are we gonna do?

Pretend it's not happening?

We were supposed to grow old in this house.

Gone!

Gone.

Gone.

We were supposed to die here.

This is where we're supposed to die!

Oh!

Gone. Gone.

Gone, gone.

Gone. It's all gone.

Over my dead body.

Oh, I could just kill him!

I could kill him.

I really just wish that he would fuck off, and die.

Yes, he is an asshole,

so it's best to avoid him.

Okay, you can't negotiate with assholes.

Right.

Negotiate.

-We couldn't. -Obviously.

-I mean, we can't. -Of course, you're right.

-He's your brother. -I mean, sure.

And we aren't those kind of people.

Britney!

Britney!

Britney!

Britney!

Britney!

Britney!

Britney!

Three and a half. Shit.

Three and a half is just not wide enough for the plasma.

4K Ultra HD.

It's gonna be epic.

Porn's gonna look so good.

Yeah, porn is gonna look so good.

Yeah!

You're a good man, Jerry Jennings.

A good, good man.

And you are a good, good woman, Joy Jennings.

A good, good woman.

And I love you.

Love of my life.

Uncle Frank.

Hmm.

You're a reasonable guy.

Am I?

Maybe we can negotiate.

Negotiate, huh?

And what incentive are you bringing

to the table, Lady No-Jo?

Take the money.

All of it, just...

spend that five million dollars

on whatever wank palace you want.

But leave Mom and Dad the house.

It means everything to them.

It's-- it's a part of them.

It's a part of us.

I-- I can't imagine a future...

without it.

It would kill them to lose this place.

That was beautiful.

You convinced me.

You totally convinced me

that you...

are a shit-wipe, just like your dad.

You think I want this place because I need it?

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

I might burn this fuckhole to the ground

if the whim strikes me.

I'm not taking it because I want it.

I'm taking it because for the last 30 years,

your father has never missed a chance

to rub his happiness in my face.

And now?

Now it's my turn to be happy.

Is that your final decision?

Yes, indeed-y, Jolene-y.

I know how much this house means to Jer,

and Joy-less...

and you.

But now,

it's mine.

So, thank you,

because I'm gonna savor this.

I'm gonna savor watching you beg.

Yum!

Oh my God. I'm gonna be sick!

Huh.

Uncle Frank? Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Fine, just, uh...

Just, uh...

just a little tired from the trip, that's all.

Hey, Frank.

Frank, come on up here.

We have to sign the paperwork,

and Joy's got it all ready to go.

Okay, we're-- we're in the bedroom.

Are you sure you're all right?

Oh, for Christ's sakes!

Not everybody's a pansy cock-sucker like you.

I said I'm fuckin' fine!

Hold this.

Coming!

Destiny awaits.

Knock, knock, jackal fucks!

Die!

Die!

Dad!

Ohhhh!

- God! God! - Dad!

Joy.

You wouldn't-- you...

Um...

Jesus Jiminy Cricket!

Aah! Aah! Aaah!

Oh my God!

Ah! Aaaaaaah!

I-- I'm getting--

You think-- ah!

Dad.

Hey, are you okay?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

It's just, uh,

it's just that, uh--

it's--

I'm sorry. It's just that we--

It's just that--

We did it. We did it.

We did it. I mean, I--

I knew-- I knew we could, but I ju-- I mean,

and we did, we did it.

We really did it.

We-- we really did it.

I mean, I doubted it for a second.

But we--

Oh! Oh!

Ohhh-ho-ho!

Oh! Oh, this champagne,

I saved it for our final farewell to the house.

With-- you know, Costco had a sale.

- Right. - And, uh, but now,

but now we don't have to bid farewell to anything,

anything, other-- I mean, other than...

Other than--

Because-- Because we--

We did it!

Ohhhhh!

Oh, jeez, what a mess, here.

Oh, goodness.

Oh, look at all this.

I think there's one-- oh, look, one, two.

I've-- ah! Oh, good.

I think that works.

Hey! Ah!

Look at all that blood.

It's more than you would have imagined.

I know. I know, I know.

It's murder, murder, eee!

Oooh, yeeesh! We-- But I gotta be honest.

I gotta be honest, is--

Is what we did bad? Is what we did bad?

I mean, obviously. Obviously, it's bad.

But do I feel good right now?

I mean, I do. I got to admit, I really, really do.

It's like this weight,

this weight had been on my shoulders for so long,

and now I just feel-- I feel free.

I feel free! I feel free.

I mean, we're-- we're all free.

That is worth-- is worth celebrating.

Baby! Boom!

I am-- um-- I uh, I-- I--

Oh, son.

Oh, that stabbing.

I am so proud of you, kiddo.

No! No. It was self-defense.

-Here you go, honey. -No!

Oh, come on, just take a break from your cleanse.

What, no, it's not the cleanse.

It's that I just poisoned my uncle.

-Poisoned? -Yeah.

His slice of Banana Breeze.

I-- I crumbled my lorazepam up into it.

What? Pills are how white ladies kill themselves in movies.

I was just improvising.

Well, hot dang, Jojo!

Now we have to celebrate.

Way-- Way to hustle. Team Jennings!

-Dad! -What? My brother?

Oh, please.

He's been a-- a monster, an absolute monster

to me my whole life.

And he finally went too far.

He threatened my family.

Here you go, son. There you go.

There we go. And we--

What we did was banded together.

We banded together. Pardon me.

Banded together.

And now, now, we get to keep our home.

Hmm?

Our home.

-Cheers. -Cheers.

- No, I'm not toasting. - Come on.

One toast isn't gonna kill ya.

Kill ya.

-Kill ya. -We are murderers, okay?

-We are murderers! -No, no, no, no.

I-- I was acting in self-defense.

For fuck's sake, Jim.

- Oh, language, sweetheart. - Really, Mom?

If anyone killed him, it was you.

-Um, you poisoned him. -You stabbed him.

No! No!

I'm a conflict-avoider. It was the pie.

-The pie killed him. -Mom's banana breeze is deadly.

I'm on fire!

Well, if it was anyone, it was your father.

Oh, he got him good.

Oh, do not sell yourself short, love of my life.

Oh, you did such a number on him with that lamp.

Oh, and that push.

It doesn't matter, okay? It doesn't matter!

We are all guilty.

Teamwork makes the dream work!

No, that's not what I'm saying, Dad.

We're all guilty.

We're gonna be spending Jennings' family dinners

in jail, if we don't take care of this.

No one knows he's here... right?

No.

No one's gonna miss him, right?

Your Uncle Frank was widely disliked

by basically everyone who met him.

We're the only family he's got.

So?

So, we gotta get rid of the body.

We get rid of the body, and all of this is over.

I have some extra large garbage bags in the basement.

That's a start. Thank you.

Finally, we're dealing with the reality.

They're on the top shelf.

After you, milady.

No champagne until I get back.

I am just so proud of you two.

Okay. Okay.

-We need a plan. -Jail.

You said jail. I can't go to jail.

No one is going to jail.

I mean, I've watched a lot of prison porn,

but it's not the same thing.

Just listen to me, okay?

I'm not gonna give birth in prison,

because if I'm there, then Grandma's there,

and Pop-Pop's there, and Guncle Jim.

We're all there. So, who gets the baby?

This is not happening. This is not haaaa--

Hey! I'm not gonna let baby Judson

grow up with a mom in prison. We just need a plan.

-Did you say Judson? -Oh, my God!

There's more important things to worry about right now!

No, I'm just saying, I'm surprised you're sticking

with the "J" tradition, that's all.

Oh, here they are, these are them, right, sweetheart?

Uh, what's up?

Darling, it's freaking me out a little bit, there.

I don't give a hoot and a holler about the bags.

- It was all a ruse. - Oh.

Oh! Ah! Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, my.

Oh! Oh!

Oh. Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Ah...

I feel so alive.

Oh, uh...

Yeah, if I'd known murder was such an aphrodisiac,

I might have taken a little--

a little blue pill.

Oh! I might not need one.

I don't need one!

Oh... Oh!

Oh! Oh!

I haven't even decided if I'm keeping it yet.

Well, if you do, and we all go to prison...

-We won't! -...then the baby's

just gonna go to the next closest family member.

His dad.

Oh, my God.

Okay, I'm gonna go see what's taking them so long.

You don't know who it is.

-You don't know who it is! -Arghhh!

Mom? Dad?

What's taking so long?

-Jerry. -Yeah, that's my name.

-That's my name. -No, Jerry.

Jerry!

Oh? Oh.

Holy hell's bells.

Sweetheart!

Well, you think you'd be happy that, you know,

there's still a spark after 30 years.

-I mean-- -Sorry you had to see that.

Whoa! Ow!

No, get away!

Honestly, I think you're being a little dramatic.

-What happened? -Oh, I think I twisted my wrist.

How could you, at a time like this?

You know, it took me by surprise, too.

Oh, honey, at our age, it's--

I could pour bleach in my eyes, and never unsee that.

-Oh, God. -Sweetheart.

-Please. -No, stop, I can't--

I can't talk to you right now!

Oh!

Britney!

Britney!

Britney!

-Oh! -Are you okay, Jojo?

- Shit, shit, shit. - Oh! Oh!

- Steady, steady, honey. Steady. - Oh my, here, let me--

Oh, be careful with that.

-Here, get on your knees. There we go.

-Are you all right? Oh, honey. -There we go.

Honey, watch your step.

Yeah, just sit-- Oh, wait two ticks.

-Okay. -Wait two ticks.

Yeah. Yeah.

It's okay. It's all right.

Yeah, I just don't think blood...

and upholstery mix.

Oh, that's such a good idea. Yeah, okay, all right.

-Okay, honey. Okay, okay. -Okay, here we go, honey.

-Watch your step. -Three, two, one, plop-o.

Oh! You went down so hard.

Where does it hurt, your tailbone?

-Do you need some ice, honey? -Give her some space.

Oh, ice is a good idea.

-Coors chaser, and an Advil-- -Oh, we can put you--

I'm not hurt, okay?

I'm pregnant!

And I'm just crying, because I'm worried about...

The baby.

Of course, your boobs.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness!

Our baby's having a baby!

I'm gonna be a Papa!

Yes!

Could this night get any better?

Oh, God!

Oh! Come in here, Uncle Jim!

- Oh! - Get in, group hug!

-Ohhhh! -Get-- get off!

Get off, okay? Stop!

Stop! I haven't decided if I'm gonna keep it or not yet.

Oh, of course you're gonna keep it.

No, not of course.

I was a Fertile Myrtle at your age,

but that doesn't mean--

You're talking about an A-B-O--

Abortion? Yeah, an abortion, Dad.

Ugh! Okay, this is exactly why I didn't say anything,

because I knew this is how you were gonna react.

So I'm not gonna be a Pop-Pop?

Well, how else are we gonna react to the glorious news

that our beautiful daughter is with child?

Ew! Don't say "with child."

Hey, y'all!

Hello?

I know you're in there.

It's me. Ronda.

You left the lights on, and it's just--

It's Sunday, so that means Sunday dinner.

Go!

Oh, okay, well,

I'm just gonna sneak out back, and check your yard.

See if my Britney's back there, burying bunnies again.

Um, hey, there, Ronda!

Oh, howdy, Joy, sorry to bother you.

If you'll just wait two ticks, we're tidying up in here.

Oh, uh, no rush, but...

I know, I know.

It's kind of an emergency.

-And I don't want to alarm you. -Where?

The basement. The basement.

I've been walking the neighborhood...

Because I've been so upset, and I haven't really been...

Oh! Ow!

Hey, Jer, is that you?

Oh, hey there, Ronda.

Yeah, my hands are a little tied at the moment.

Oh, I feel ya.

Well, as I was saying, by golly, Britney ran away.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah? - She's gone! She's gone!

Lift him. Lift him!

- What? - Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Lift him! Lift him!

Lift him!

God knows which one is mine. It's like, uh...

Oh, it's like three, and...

- Come on, lift. - Uh-huh, uh-huh.

What?

Come on, baby.

Oh, I didn't know. I didn't know.

I told you about the diabetes!

Go, go!

You know, she's-- She's got the diabetes.

Oh my goodness!

Anyway, she's doing a lot better...

One, two...

Who's the father?

Oof! Oh!

She's got two knee places,

But her top-- no, her bottom-- no.

Her bottom knee place,

sometimes she gets a little hurt-y in there.

So I'm just gonna go check out the backyard.

I'm gonna take a real good look, if you don't mind.

Oh, my God.

Britney's gone? Oh, no!

Oh, yeah.

I took her for a pee, and I didn't realize.

Y'all okay in there?

Oh, sure.

-Sure, sure. -Yeah, I-- I just turned around,

and don't you know, she was gone.

Oh, dear. And with this cold snap.

-That's what I was thinking. -Well, why weren't you?

Truth is, we haven't seen her, though.

Oh. Are you sure?

I just know how she loves that Mugo Pine out back.

-I'm gonna take a peek. -Nope! No, no.

Um, she's not back there.

I just took a look.

Is that a Banana Breeze I smell?

Nighty-night, Ronda.

Yeah.

So I-- ah! Ah! Ah!

If you see Britney, you'll...

you'll call me, right?

Will do.

Britney!

Britney!

Come to mama, sweetie.

Britney!

Love you, good girl.

That was close.

Oh, my God. Are you smiling?

No.

What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you?

Do we even know who the father is?

Focus on the task at hand!

Oh, Jesus Christ, Jolene. He's not going anywhere.

-Who is it? -It doesn't matter, okay?

-It's my decision. -Well, sure, but who is it?

-Jim's getting a divorce. -What?

Nope!

Is that true, Jim-jamin?

-That's why Pete's been texting. -I am stabbing you next.

Oh, my poor baby boy. What happened?

We're not talking about this.

What happened was Pete.

Shifty Pete.

That's what your father and I call him.

- I mean, not to his face. - What?

A little help, please.

Roll him up in the carpet. It'll slide easier.

Oh, good thinking.

The first night we met Pete,

your father said, "You know, he's a bit shifty."

And the name just kind of stuck.

Why are you telling me this?

- You loved Pete. - Love.

Fine, love. So, we loved Pete.

No heavy lifting. Please help your sister.

Thing is, Jimmy-Jam, just because we love Pete--

Well, it doesn't mean we like Pete.

You don't like Pete?

No.

-No, no, no, no. We love Pete. -Yeah, yeah, yeah, we love Pete.

What? I don't like him or love him.

Oh, my God!

- And now a divorce. - Are you smiling?

What, sweetheart? No, I'm not smiling.

-Why didn't you tell us? -Well, I don't know.

I thought maybe you'd freak out,

like you did over Jolene's divorce.

But look at you, you can hardly contain yourself.

Well, that was Carl, though.

Yeah, Pete's no Carl.

Yeah. Apples to oranges.

Carl's not as great as everyone thinks he was.

-Yeah, but wasn't he? -No!

God forbid you listen to the person

that was actually married to him.

Well, you two have been so on and off over the years,

honestly, sweetheart.

You have a history of not knowing what's best for you.

Carl? This was never what was best for me.

Carl! Carl's the dad.

You're getting back together with Carl?

Wednesday night poker's back on the table!

-Oh, that would be so-- -No, Carl's not the father,

and even if he was, I wouldn't tell you.

Well, of course you wouldn't,

because, you know, it turns out neither of my children

tell me anything.

Yeah, because you think we're infants,

and you never tell us anything, either.

Yeah, the money, the travel agency,

the fact you hate my husband.

Lorazepam? I mean, why are you taking Lorazepam?

-Anxiety! -Why do you have anxiety?

Why do you think?

You two leave your mother alone.

- I didn't want you to worry. - I'm worried!

And the money? Well,

The money was supposed to be a surprise.

Yeah, that's right, a surprise.

We just always want to protect you,

and-- and do what's best for you.

What's best for us?

You've been lying to us for God knows how long,

and now we're going to prison.

And not the sexy kind!

You two aren't too old for my belt!

Well, isn't this just the best Sunday dinner ever?

Turns out we live in a house of lies.

A house of lies!

Ooh.

Well, that went better than expected.

-Good teamwork, team. -Oh, my God.

Now what?

I have a plan.

Why am I the one doing this, again?

Exactly. Let me do it.

Oh, absolutely not. Not in your condition.

Oh, don't say "condition."

Your brother's totally capable.

You've got this, Jim-jamin.

Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.

All right, attaboy, attaboy.

On the count of three, now.

I don't know, Jer.

No, on the count of three. On the count of three.

One, two, three.

- Gah! Oh my God. - Oh!

Oh, sweet baby Jesus.

I said start with an arm.

I know, I tried, I tried. I was aiming for the arm.

Oh, this-- this is a nightmare.

This is exactly the trouble you had with T-Ball.

You have to keep your eyes on the ball.

No, the problem I had with T-Ball

is that I never wanted to be in T-Ball.

There's nothing left in my stomach.

Oh, it's like the sword in a stone.

So what's Plan B?

Well, let's give him a second chance.

-No, Jer, I don't think so. -No, I mean, obviously,

he's not up for it.

Dad, he can't.

He just can't hit them... head-on.

Oh, my God. Get behind the plastic.

-Watch that tone, young-- -Now!

Now, just keep your eyes open,

on the point of contact, okay?

One, two...

I will go when I am fucking ready!

- Language, Jim. - No, Mom, not now.

I did it.

I did it!

Well, that, that is one clean cut.

Oh, baby boy, I'm so proud of you.

That was actually, like, not shitty.

-Oh. -Mm-mm.

Oh, that, yeah. Right. Yeah.

No, no.

Jesus, Mom.

What? Stop.

-Sweetheart. -I said stop.

- Oh, Mom. - I'm sorry.

I'm-- I'm sorry, but I'm just--

I'm so proud of you.

Well, here we are doing this, but together, as a family.

-It's nice. -It is.

It's nice.

Oh, you two. Lay off your mother.

This is what I always wanted Sunday dinners to be like.

Us. Together.

You two are so grown up.

You're just figuring that out.

Honestly, Jolene, to me, you've always been my baby girl.

I'm sorry your father and I lied to you.

I did not give you enough credit,

but I have to say,

it is kind of a relief to have it all out in the open.

And you two have been very helpful tonight.

Group hug. Group hug.

-No, Dad! -Come on.

No, come on, you. Jennings group hug right now.

And you know,

now that we're all in this together, I feel like...

it's all gonna be okay.

That's right.

It's gonna be okay.

It's all gonna be okay.

Jim!

I know you're in there, Jim! I just want to talk!

I swear to God, if I have to look at

those three little dots one more time,

I'm gonna fucking murder someone!

Ooh!

-Pete. -Shifty Pete.

I fucking love you!

You took my heart!

You ripped it out of my chest!

You ate it, then you're spitting it on my face!

Go, go, go!

Someone's gonna call the cops.

Open the door, Jim!

This little fucker's gonna wake up the whole neighborhood.

- Pardon my language, but he is. - I can't.

I cannot face him.

, 'cause I'm not leaving without you, so...

-Why not? -Get out here, you fuckface!

Because I cheated!

And it's my fault we're getting a divorce.

It's my fault, and I just...

I cannot face him.

Fine!

Where do you think you're going?

Well, someone's gotta do something!

Well, look at you!

Oh! Mother--

I have a plan.

Jim?

Jim!

- Jim! - Shut up!

You shut up!

You shut up, you stupid piece of...

Telling me to shut up!

-I don't wanna shut up. -Hey!

Where is he?

You're gonna piss off the neighbors.

Well, we wouldn't want that, now would we?

We wouldn't want anybody to be upset.

He won't give up.

Gimme-- You've had enough.

Stop being so grabby!

What? No, it's not for me.

I'm not drinking right now. I'm on a cleanse.

Oh, pregnant.

What the fuck?

I'm a pregnancy.

Pete, go home!

He's not going anywhere until he sees you.

Well, you know what? We can do it.

-Let's-- We can do it. -He can do it.

You said it yourself.

You underestimated them, Joy.

He's not a child.

You can do it.

You stabbed your uncle.

And chopped off his arm, and I'm proud of you.

-Where is he? -No, he's not in here.

I mean, let's face it.

If you can do that, you can do this.

- Just a little-- little more... - Liar!

- He's here! - No, he's not!

Where is he?

Put me down!

-Where is he? -Put me down!

You might have hurt the baby!

Where is he?

-Give-- give me this. -No! No!

If he's not here and he's not answering me,

well, then maybe he'll answer you.

Call Jim!

I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.

- Call fucking Jim! - Pete.

We need to talk.

Yeah. Talk. That's all I want to do.

Okay, okay. Um...

why don't you and I find somewhere private

we can quietly talk this through, yeah?

Okay, yeah, just right in here.

And I will be back in one minute,

and then we'll hash this out.

-Yeah, yeah, right back. -No, no, I'll be right back.

What are you doing?

Mom said the knob's busted.

The bathroom door locks you in from the inside.

Okay, yeah, but now Shifty's in our house.

Shifty?

Jim?

- I got it covered. - Oh, he's gone.

Attaboy, Jimmy Jim.

Well, he's not gone.

-Um, he's-- -He's locked in the bathroom.

Jennings?

Tell me he didn't.

Oh, he did.

Hey!

-I have a plan. -The plan was to get rid of him!

I'm locked in the bathroom!

What are we gonna do now?

There is an obvious solution.

We are not killing Pete!

- Jennings? - Oh, sweetheart,

- I-- I was kidding. - Jennings!

I was kidding.

I'm locked in the bathroom!

I was kidding.

-Jim! -I said I have a plan,

and I have a fucking plan, and I swear to God, Mom,

if you tell me to watch my language, I might explode.

Okay, out of those bloody clothes,

and we're gonna need more plastic.

No worries. Costco had a sale.

Help!

Anyone?

Nobody wants to help Pete.

I am pooping!

No, first-- first you cheat,

then-- then you don't text me back,

and then you lock me in this bathroom?

Like, I don't even know who you are anymore.

I can't trust you.

Please wash your hands.

Okay, yeah.

I just--

I just want the truth.

Okay.

The truth is...

I don't want to get a divorce.

I love you, and I am so...

I am so sorry about the...

Jim, you think I'm mad about the...

about the...

-Sex. I'm miming sex. -Yeah, I got it. I got it.

No, I'm mad you lied.

I'm mad that you didn't tell me that's what you wanted.

I'm mad-- Jim, when I married you,

I signed on for all of you.

But then I found out that there was this truth

that you didn't think that you could share with me.

When it happened, um...

I couldn't face it.

I, uh...

I couldn't face you.

Everybody makes mistakes.

-I can forgive that. -Oh, my God...

I can't forgive you for lying to me about it.

That made me feel so...

small.

It makes me feel too irrelevant.

I promise you,

I will never, ever lie to you ever again.

Okay?

Does your family like me?

No.

No, they don't.

Um, they really...

They really don't.

The truth is really harsh.

I know it is.

That's why I usually don't do it.

Why don't they like me?

I don't-- Honestly, I don't know. I don't know.

I like you. I love you.

-Okay? -Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm really, really drunk.

Yeah.

Okay.

We are leaving the bathroom.

Oh, my God, yes.

We are leaving that bathroom!

Oh. Oh, my goodness, Pete.

-Didn't even know you... -Stuff it, Joy.

You don't like me?

None of you?

None of you like me?

You know what?

Jennings, you're not so fucking likable yourselves.

Not very likable.

Time to go.

-We can talk about this later. -The thing is,

we all have something in common.

We love this man.

We love this man. Love you.

And I'd like to think that that would mean

that maybe we...

It's the po-po.

Officer-- oh, it started snowing.

-Ma'am? -Yeah?

I had a complaint about a domestic disturbance, ma'am.

Oh.

Are you an occupant of this residence, ma'am?

Yes, officer.

There's been complaints of...

public drunkenness, obscene language,

beeping persons, excessive noise,

parentheses, yelling, crying, shrieking, end parentheses,

and what can only be described as general tomfoolery.

-Were you aware of this, ma'am? -No, no, officer.

Do I have your consent to enter your home

so that we might continue this conversation

in less chilly conditions, ma'am?

Officer, we were just about

-to sit down here to... -Ma'am,

if you are currently under duress

or facing the threat of violence,

should you in any way feel unsafe,

and it is for these aforementioned reasons

that you are reluctant to invite me into your home,

I will take your blinking twice

as a sign that you require assistance,

and will take immediate action to remove you

from said situation, ma'am.

Have I made myself clear, ma'am?

I, uh--

Is that an execution of said signal, ma'am?

-No. Oh, no! No! -Ma'am. Ma'am.

Officer, I'm fine. Totally fine.

Everything's fine.

Well, then, I look most favorably

to being invited inside so that we might, A,

escape this cold, and B,

ensure that you and your loved ones are safe.

Well, officer...

It's the neighborly thing to do, ma'am.

Right. Right, of course. Um, Officer...

-Truman. -Truman.

-Officer Truman. -Truman.

Well, welcome, Officer Truman.

Officer Truman's coming in the house.

-Evening, folks. -Evening, officer.

And who do I have the pleasure of addressing?

Oh, this is my husband, Jerry, and my daughter, Jolene,

and my son, Jim, and I'm Joy.

Surname? Jennings. Joy Jennings.

Jerry, Jen, Jolene, and Joy Jennings?

Mm-hmm.

They have this whole J obsession.

It's tragic.

I'm Pete!

Yes, of course, Pete. How could I forget Pete?

-They're gay-married. -It's just married, Jerry.

Almost divorced.

But if this little handsome devil shapes up,

then we just might be able to tough it out.

He's hot! Ooh.

You folks having a party?

Oh, no, just our regular Sunday family dinner.

Then might I inquire about the...

Oh.

I just feel comfortable with that.

Yeah, I get to... Yeah, yeah.

What the fuck?

Sir?

Murder?

Mur-der?

Murder!

Murder!

Wow. You guys had a murder mystery dinner without me?

Oh.

Every Jennings family dinner for the last three years,

I have suggested that we just shake things up a little bit

and totally try a murder mystery dinner theme,

and you all look at me

like I've got 12 dicks growing out of my forehead.

I'm assuming this is the cause of the disturbance, ma'am.

It's-- it's-- it's fine

if you don't like me, that's fine.

It's fine that you locked me in a bathroom.

But this?

Oh, this is too much.

Too much.

I can forgive you for fucking a bartender,

but having a murder mystery without me?

I mean, come on.

Sir, please expand on being locked in the bathroom.

Oh, officer, he wasn't locked in so much as he was stuck.

He probably blacked out.

I blacked out?

Yep.

Folks, I'm gonna need to take a look around.

Are there any other persons on the premises?

No, no, no. No.

You folks doing some renovating?

- Yes, yes, yes. - New walls and things.

- You're renovating? - Mm-hmm.

Oh, thank God.

This ancient wallpaper is deadly.

What color are you going with?

Red.

And I assume this is the basement?

Oh, officer!

Uh, where are our manners?

Jim, why don't you give the kind, friendly officer

a grand tour?

Of course, of course.

The kitchen. We gotta start the tour in the kitchen.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph!

Ma'am?

Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

One should always start a tour upstairs.

Officer, please join me upstairs.

Holy fuck! Jesus!

Holy Jesus!

Fuck! Um, um, you're gonna love upstairs.

Folks, is there something going on here

that you're not telling me about?

Hey, Carl!

Why would you answer my phone?

'Cause it's Carl. I love Carl.

I can't talk right now.

Oh, 'cause it's not mine?

Jojo here is preggers, and I'm gonna be a pop-pop.

-Hi, Carl! -Hey, Carl!

Howdy, Jennings.

Y'all having a super Sunday dinner?

Oh, yeah, it's really great.

Hey, Carl, say hi to Officer Truman.

Hello, officer.

Carl?

Trust me, the baby is yours.

This seems like a family matter.

Why don't I lead you to it?

- Hey, Carl! - Howdy, Jim.

It's 100% yours.

I didn't want to do this in front of an audience,

but okie-dokie.

You can't be sure it's mine.

I mean, come on, we're talking about you here, Jolene.

We were both drunk, and to be honest...

you were a mistake.

But I'm happy to do the gentlemanly thing

and go halfers with you to get rid of it.

And I wouldn't want you all thinking I'm not a good guy.

Fuck you, Carl.

Mrs. Jennings?

Don't you Mrs. Jennings her.

My daughter is no one's mistake.

She and only she knows what's best for her,

so you can fuck off!

Thanks, Mom.

That?

That is not a good guy.

And to think, you liked to him more than you like Pete here.

Oh, no, puppy. You must be frozen.

Pete! Pete!

Officer, officer, see, this happens all the time.

The neighbor's dog, Britney, getting loose.

They got it.

The poor dog was.

That chew toy? Super realistic.

Ma'am, step aside.

This way?

Banana Breeze is my goddamn favorite.

This way.

Folks, I'm getting the feeling that tonight...

something fishy is going on.

Fishy? Hmm...

Fishy? No.

Fishy? - Fishy?

I don't know what you could possibly mean, officer.

Something ain't right.

Hey, my pie!

My shenanigans alarm is buzzing at a code red, folks.

No shenanigans here, officer.

Just a regular old Jennings Sunday dinner.

No, something ain't right.

And I'm not leaving here until I get to the bottom of it.

Wait, where'd the dog go?

Oh, no, she escaped out the front door.

She must have got out when you left the door open.

I did not move the door--

-Are you sure you didn't? -You absolutely moved--

Now, that's it.

Somebody better start giving me some honest answers

right now or I'm calling for backup.

-This is Truman-- -Wait, officer.

- ...go ahead. - I'm gonna need

-some backup over here. -I confess.

-Joy? -Mom?

Mom.

- 10-12, copy. - Sweetheart?

I confess.

I confess that tonight's been fucking awful.

-Ma'am, language. -I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

But we have been lying to our kids...

for a long, long time.

That's right.

We've been having some financial...

-hiccups. -Bumps.

And our finances took a, uh, serious... tumble.

And the reality of

suddenly losing our home really knocked us over the head.

And if we hadn't lied to our kids,

none of this would have happened.

See, officer, we had this huge fight,

and-- and I-- I poisoned the night

because I was keeping this big secret to myself.

And the final twist of the knife is I was lying, too.

I, uh, cheated on my husband.

And not only was I lying to him...

Giant asshole.

I was lying to all of them, too.

So if-- if you were getting the sense, officer,

that something fishy was going on, it--

it's just because, well, tonight's been, um...

well...

tonight's been murder.

Still need that backup, Truman? Copy.

That's an affirmative on that.

Girl! Enough with the backup, 'kay?

Like, just-- just get out of here already.

The only thing that's going on here tonight is family.

Fa-mi-ly.

I mean, you love 'em,

but some nights you just wanna kill them.

Cancel that backup.

That is a negativo on backup. Over.

I can relate.

Okay? Family, right? It's just like...

[all chuckling

You know, you just...

You know?

You know.

Well, if you're done with

the 4-25 on Pine Crescent Way,

We have a lady 'round there, Rhonda, won't stop calling.

Afraid she's in a panic about her dog, Britney.

Well, ain't that a dang coincidence?

I think I got a 10-20 on said dog.

Well, duty calls.

I'll leave you to sort out whatever family drama

you got going on.

- Good night, Jennings. - Good night.

Wait.

That still doesn't explain why

you're all wearing Halloween costumes.

Oh, oh, oh, oopsie-daisies.

You're very, very handsome.

I-- I probably shouldn't drive home.

Do you want to be my D.D.?

Drop me off at home after we get that dog?

I would totally blow over.

That's fine.

Good night, Jennings. Pete, you're with me.

Officer in hot pursuit.

Good night, Jennings-es.

Listen up, you fuckers.

I don't know what's going on with the dog

and the plastic and all you nervous Nellies,

but you better never forget that it was Pete,

Pete that got rid of the pigs for you.

You owe me, Jennings.

So next time I say we're having a goddamn murder mystery,

we're having a goddamn murder mystery.

-Shifty Pete. -Shifty Pete.

See? He's actually a really good guy.

Oh, my God. Can we lock the door?

Now what?

I have a plan.

You got this.

Mother's Day, '96.

A homemade masterpiece from my beautiful baby girl.

Mom.

What? I just dug around in my closet

and found some old stuff I thought might fit you.

-I can see what you're doing. -I--

I know, I know.

Eh. You had me model it up and down the hallway.

I'm not really sure if, um...

I know.

I know, Jojo.

You know, what I said to Carl is the truth.

It's your decision to make.

And whatever you choose...

it's gonna be what's best for you.

'Cause, even though you'll always be my baby...

you're not a child.

You're a grown-ass woman.

Ew.

Please don't say grown-ass.

Well, you are my baby.

And you're a grown-ass woman.

I'm terrified.

I-- I don't know if I can do it alone.

Jolene, you will never be alone.

I'd kill 10,000 Uncle Franks for you.

Watch out, give me the--

Whoa! That's awesome.

That's awesome.

Oh... Okay, here we go.

Good man, good man, good man. Cheers.

You may have surprised your mother tonight, but not me.

You're the bravest man I know.

Dad...

I'm serious. I'm serious.

I just, you know, I'm always surprised

at how much you doubt yourself.

Coming out in a place like this at your age,

I'm in awe of how much courage that took.

I mean, marriage-- marriage, man...

it ain't easy.

I mean, you look at your mother and I, you think...

you think after 30-odd years under our belt,

we haven't had our share of, you know...

Really?

Well, sure.

Sure. Me and your mom before you and your sister, that is.

You know, we'd go to these parties, and...

we'd throw our keys in a bowl and--

Oh, my God, Dad, no, no, no, no.

Not every truth has to come out tonight, okay?

Okay.

Okay. Okay, your loss.

Your loss.

Just saying that marriage, you know,

in order for marriage to work, you have to be brave enough

to not hide from each other.

Oh.

And you're...

you're braver than you think.

Ah, here we go.

Dad, I told you that I'm...

It's-- Christ's sakes, it's root beer.

Oh. Well, good.

That's more appropriate pop-pop behavior.

Number one mom. Stop.

Come in here.

Jennings group hug.

Jennings group hug.

I love you guys.

From now on, Sunday dinners come with leftovers.

Every week you burn them in a new place.

Until they're all gone.

Until they're all gone.

Until they're all gone.

Until they're all gone.

Okay, who's hungry?

-Me! -I'll get some orange juice.

There's nothing left in my body.

Yes, I know.

Christina. Christina!

No, Christina.

Christina. No, no, Christina.

Leave Brittany alone. Thank you. Thank you.

Aw...

Still got an upset tum-tum. Poor girl.

Oh, what's that?

Is-- is that a thumb?

Brittany, is that a thumb?

Brittany, is that a thumb?!