Original subtitles

Where's Mickey?

Missing the phone.

Thank you, sir. No mention it, sir.

I missed the train.

So did I.

natural world.

If we're all fighting, there'll be no one left to look after nature.

Nature will go after itself.

We've got no time for nature.

Nature can take care of itself. We have a war to wage.

But if storms, floods, snow and summer, the leaves will wither and die.

foreign

So, did you see me before you decided not to get the train?

Or did you not get the train because you saw me?

I think I catch your drip.

I decided to stay anyway.

And what about you, Miss Kathleen?

Were you going to come with me, or were you just coming to see if I was going?

I had my bag tonight.

I've asked you to warn me. Sorry about that, Jack.

The lovely Kathleen.

Seamus.

So the spitting fish was your idea, was it?

Well, not directly, no.

But indirectly, yes.

All this crazy weather, was that you directly or indirectly?

You see, there's a bit of a disagreement going on between ourselves and the

trooping fairies. If you wanted to, you could describe it as a... Well, I...

Mary, how would you describe it?

A full-out war.

A full-out war.

Yes, well, that would just about do it.

A war?

What's it about?

Oh, the usual.

Everything and everybody, nothing and nobody.

So, can I ask you a question, Jack?

I guess.

Have you ever done any fighting? Been in the army, as it were?

I did some basic training in the military, but never saw any action.

Basic training?

Do you hear that, Mary? Jack's done basic training. I heard.

Seamus, I'm not going to fight in your war if that's what you're after. No, I

know that. I know that. The fairies wouldn't let you anyway.

They'd disappear as soon as they'd look at you. No, no. But you see, we

leprechauns are free spirits.

Thinkers and drinkers.

We're not built for marching in straight lines and complicated battle plans. They

need to be told what to do.

And you've done basic training.

And they're about as basic as it gets.

We'd give you the power to see them all.

Maybe you wouldn't leave empty-handed. We still have a few pots of gold left.

I thought those pots of gold were just fairy stories.

They are, but in case you hadn't noticed, we are fairies.

Yes, we still have a few pots put away for hard times.

What do you say, Jack?

It's a noble cause.

Whichever side you're on in a war is always the noble one.

Yeah, and surely it's not about taking sides. It's about getting peace, getting

things back to normal.

Right.

Right, so the quicker we win, the better.

I miss him so, Maggie.

I miss my first husband, Roderick Goodridge III.

A true gentleman.

When he stepped out of his bath, he always rang a small bell so I wouldn't

be alarmed.

In my day, you had to have impeccable manners.

You just couldn't make it in polite society unless you had impeccable

manners. Mickey's like that?

Never. He's a leprechaun.

Totally different case.

A leprechaun wouldn't recognise a gentleman if he was Robbie.

My second husband, Samuel van Pomeroy, he was even more refined.

He'd knock on an oyster shell before he opened it.

My third husband was a little delicate.

He was the only man I ever knew who was allergic to mathematics.

You only had to ask him to add two and two and he'd retire to bed with a

nosebleed.

Truth be told, he was a bit of a loser.

Things better than love and worse than love, but it's impossible to find

anything that's just like love.

It makes a man think almost as much of a woman as he does of himself.

You're right.

So, where are we going?

To the swampland, to see the Buddhist spirits of Aloysius Gentee.

He's a friend of my father's, and the swamp is neutral territory, so they

can't touch us there.

I can't see anything.

No, me.

We shall go the rest of the way on foot.

Yeah.

This way.

Why are they called butter spirits?

Because all they care about is butter.

Nothing else matters to them.

Mickey.

This, this town.

This is the most high-botter spirit. The one and only.

Sir Aloysius Genty at your service.

I'm delighted to meet you, Mr. Genty.

Mickey says that you're an old friend.

I've known him since he was literally knee-high to a grasshopper.

Now, you must be Princess Jessica.

Can you do anything for us, Uncle Aloysius?

Bust my...

Gators. Maddy, I can offer you sanctuary.

This way.

You wouldn't have any butter about, would you?

Irish, Danish, English, we're not particular.

Spread thick, Gad.

What delights, what decadence. No, sorry.

Ah, no matter. We've adapted.

Now this is our domain.

This is Little England.

Now, we'll get you settled, then you must join me for tiffin. What's tiffin?

Tea and cucumber sandwiches.

No butter, I'm afraid.

We've got mud.

Plenty of mud.

He spirited her away, Your Majesty.

It's the devil's work. Are you sure you were watching, Lady Margaret?

My... Eyes were open 24 hours of the day. I never slept.

I hardly ate.

And when I did, I didn't look at my food.

I'm sure Muldoon won't harm her. He needs her as a hostage.

I've just heard word that Michael Muldoon is taking Princess Jessica to

the Butter Spirits in the swamp.

We can rescue her. Don't worry, sir. It's in hand. Everything's under

control, being organized like clockwork. Nothing, nothing left to chance.

is under control, is it?

God is in his heaven and all is well with the world.

But is it?

Now you may ask me why.

Why is it that all these things are happening?

Why is it that the almighty God has deserted us and shown us the rocky

path to eternal damnation.

You may ask me, what can we do to stop these disasters getting worse and

worse so that our sins can catch us up and then we are pulled down into the

fiery pit?

I have absolutely no idea.

Any opinions out there?

It's the little people.

The fairies and leprechauns have stopped looking after nature.

Anybody with any sensible opinions?

Could it be the state of the economy, Father?

Or maybe the railways, since they changed the food... Sit down and shut

up, man.

You made it.

This weather is unbelievable.

Are you okay?

What's the matter?

You're not on vacation, are you?

You're here to buy up all these houses so you can turn this place into another

Disneyland.

Aren't you?

It wasn't going to be another Disneyland.

Kathleen, I tried to tell you.

I came here for work. They sent me here to buy up some vacation homes for

Americans.

You know, give people a chance to live out their dreams.

I wanted to tell you so many times.

So why didn't you?

Well, it doesn't really matter now because it's not going to happen.

But you were trying to take our homes.

No, no, I wasn't. I've just been down to the post office just now, calling New

York, telling them that this place is not suitable for them. All right.

Which particular lie do you want me to believe in?

I'm not lying.

Kathleen, I love you.

Yes, indeed, dear friends. Princess Jessica and Mickey Muldoon are here

under my protection.

Well, if we want them. Your tone, sir, is offensive.

You can't have her. We came under a white flag of peace.

Someone should have told you I'm colorblind.

We didn't say goodbye to Aloysius.

I know. I don't trust him. We'd better off far away from here. Can I speak

plainly? I'd prefer it devious, but be plain if you must.

I'd like to bribe you.

Bribe?

Never, sir.

The idea is offensive to my ears.

We are English to the bone.

Word given, word kept, an Englishman's word, enough said. Besides, what could

you possibly bribe us with?

Butter. Ah, butter, of course, yes.

What's the verdict?

Verdict? About joining our cause.

Well, to tell you the truth, Seamus, I haven't given it much thought.

Here we are, engaged in a war that could determine the future of civilization as

we know it, and you haven't thought about it.

I had a fight with Kathleen.

Is that all?

Women's rebel action.

I have that 24 hours a day.

Was it when she found out you were going to buy up the cottages?

How did you know that?

We're leprechauns. We know when there's mischief afoot.

I looked into your heart, and then I looked into your drawer inside.

Say, Seamus, could you talk to Kathleen?

Oh, yes, maybe. Maybe I could. Maybe I could.

Of course, it would be in return for a small favor you might do me.

Like if I help you out?

You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours, huh?

That's how the world turns, Jack.

Any way to take your mind off your troubles.

Okay, I'll do it.

But you've got to square things with Kathleen. She's as good as back in your

arms.

All right, down.

Now, I want you to turn this hairy rabble into a fighting machine.

What? I'm sure you'll do fine. You'll do fine.

Anyway, you've all day to do it.

By myself?

Now, wait a minute. Just let me explain. You promised.

What did you do to our sister?

She's been crying her eyes out all night. Stand still so we can fit you.

Listen, I've been trying to talk to her. You hold his arms, George.

I'll hit him. No, you hold his arms. I'll hit him.

You hit the fella the last time.

I held his arms the last time.

Are you sure about that? Yes.

Look, it's my turn. I never get to hit anyone.

You're too young, little Harry. You've got to learn how to clench your fists

first. Can I make a... That's right. You can't expect to go straight to the head.

No, you can't. Listen, listen, listen. Why don't we discuss this over a drink

like a gentleman? And if you still want to get physical, well, I'll oblige you.

What do you say? Come on.

What do you think?

Why not?

Yeah, the beer's in the, uh, well, the sea's founded.

Oh, that's okay. I wasn't thirsty anyway.

Do you have any chips at all?

Well, maybe, you know, some little nibbles.

No, no, I don't.

Um, Kathleen, is she okay?

I really want to talk to her.

She says you want her to turn our farm into a casino.

That's not true.

Are you calling our sister a lawyer?

Of course not.

I suppose you would have paid a fair bit for the, uh, the properties, you know.

Well, it doesn't really matter now. I'm not going through with it. Not once I

got to know this place.

Right. Sure.

The money would have been good, though, yeah?

If it's money you're after, how do you feel about getting some gold?

Some gold?

Well, that... Who said that?

Are you sure you want to go through with this, Seamus?

Who are you talking to? You need help, don't you?

Ask them if they've done any soldiering. What's going on?

Say, um, you boys know anything about drilling?

Army-type drilling?

Well, you know, me and the lads were in the school cadet corps.

Yeah. Without the shouting.

Giving orders.

Stamping. Really?

Yeah.

Well, maybe you'd be interested in helping out our leprechaun friends.

Commander Muldoon, front and center.

Holy... Mary! Father of God.

Commander Muldoon, meet the Fitzpatrick brothers.

Gotcha!

Then, little leprechaun, why don't you tell Uncle George where you've hidden

your pots of gold? What are you doing?

Don't worry about it, Jack.

It's what these flat-footed ignorant peasants do when they catch a poor

defenceless leprechaun. We are rich.

Where'd he go? Where'd he go?

I thought you might be able to behave like gentlemen, Fitzpatrick, so that we

can do something about all these disasters you farmers have been having

before it's too late.

And maybe get your hands on some gold for your troubles.

After we win.

Sounds like a pretty fair deal to me, lads, you know? Yeah.

Oh, um, Commander, um, you know, sorry about the grabbing and the throttling

and everything. You'll be wanting your little green coat back, there you go.

That's a lovely tweet.

Now, can you drill some discipline into this fine army of layabouts?

What army of layabouts?

Right, leprechauns. We're going to start a little bit of basic training.

At the end of the training, you're all going to become little green berries.

Now, I am General George.

Now, we're going to start like this.

Attention!

That means you have to stand up straight with your chest out and your shoulders

back.

That's very good.

Now, present arms!

No, don't wave at me.

That means you have to present your weapons.

Hold your weapons like they're sticks.

Very good. You especially. Very good.

Now, we're going to try a little bit of marching.

Leprechauns! Right turn!

I said right, right turn. To your right.

To the right.

Quick march!

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right. How about

face?

Left.

That means turn around.

I'm so glad you came.

I've been wanting to explain to you. Look, I want nothing more to do with

you, Jack.

You lied to me.

Okay?

But I need you to do something about this fighting. It's getting worse.

All our milk's turned sour. We've lost a whole field of wheat, and if it goes on

like this, we're going to be ruined.

What are they doing?

They're helping me help the leprechaun.

You shouldn't be fighting in the war. You should be trying to stop it. I am

stopping it, okay? I'm doing the best I can.

Oh, just great.

Big city boy comes to Ireland to help save the peasants from destruction.

Hold on just a minute.

I pulled somebody out of the river. That's all I did.

And suddenly I find myself a military advisor to an army of invisible people

two feet high. That was not in the brochure, and I'm having a little

problem handling it.

Okay? On top of that, I fall in love with the most beautiful girl I've ever

met, and even though she drives me crazy and so as not to upset her, I lose my

bosses of fortune, I lose my job, I lose my apartment, but does that mean

anything to her? No, no. She still thinks I'm lying to her. Meanwhile, the

world is probably coming to an end, and frankly, this city boy has just about

had it.

Ah, Kathleen.

Your brothers are doing a fine job.

Come on, you little ginger centurions! Keep on drilling!

That's what war's all about!

Drilling and killing!

Drilling and killing!

We're tired.

Our little legs aren't used to it.

We'll have to become invisible.

It's less tiring for us.

Invisible?

Okay, then.

Oh, it's all right.

It's all right. They're still there. Keep going, yes. Keep going.

Oh, okay, then.

Right. Marching on the spot!

Come on!

Come on, lads. You're sounding good.

I hear you and Jack have had a falling out, Kathleen.

Now, if you want my advice... I don't.

Right. Well, I'll give it to you anyway. It's no skin on my nose.

Forget about the troubles in your head, but listen to the joy in your heart.

He's a fine man, and you're as beautiful a flower as ever, Grace the Valley.

Well, I was 200 years younger, and three feet taller, I show you.

Oh, hello, there's Mary Muldoon.

Mistress Kathleen, what are your four Egypt brothers doing talking to

themselves in an empty field?

Well, they're drilling our troops, aren't they?

They've all gone invisible.

No, they've all gone for a drink.

Now, marching in double time.

Anything wrong, Jack?

Oh, nothing much.

Except that I have to stop a war, save the world, and win back the only woman I

ever loved.

Oh, is that all?

Yeah, that's about it.

I'm just an ordinary guy, Mary.

You're the first human in years to actually see us leprechauns and make

friends. You can't be that ordinary.

That was just luck.

Maybe good, maybe bad.

It makes you extraordinary.

So what do I do, Mary?

Sleep on it.

Ah,

yes.

Basic training.

Can't beat it.

Straight lines.

Nearly straight.

Marching magnificently.

I don't know what they'd do to the enemy.

They'd be scared to be jaded out of me.

Mickey.

Down there. Come on.

A bearer of bad news, sire. Mickey Muldoon's escaped our patrols and still

has your daughter.

The leprechauns will probably try and use her for blackmail. Dammit, we're

beaten. Beaten?

I'm sorry, I don't know the meaning of the word.

Means we're finished.

Done for.

Capote, sir.

We must try the same plan.

The princess is important to us, so we have to snatch somebody important to

them. Ah, Muldoon himself.

I wonder where he can be.

He's just outside.

Just going for a drink, Pookus.

Helps keep up morale.

Yours or theirs.

You've posted centuries.

Of course I have. And I've ordered them all to stay sharp.

They're about as sharp as billiard balls.

Mary, nothing will happen here tonight.

This is a stunt to give the troops.

But shouldn't we be having a bit of an early night, sir? You know, what with

there being a big battle and all that.

Jericho, sometimes I suspect you have a little trope of blood in you.

Sorry about that, sir.

Give me a nettle juice there.

I may get a double.

Two, three.

You shouldn't be here, sire. It's too dangerous.

I must lead.

I'm your king.

Who's that?

An owl, sire.

Look, would you like me to take over?

Oh, no, no.

You go in front, and I'll be right behind you.

Right, men.

Away.

It's for Commander Muldoon.

Where's Muldoon?

Oh, wait, wait, I'll get him.

I'll get him.

I'll get him. I'll get him. I'll get him. I'll get him. I'll get him. I'll

get him. I'll get him. I'll get him. I'll get him.

I'll get him. I'll get him.

I'll get him. I'll get him. I'll get him. I'll get him.

I'll get him.

I want my statue on a horse. I look so good on a horse. Capo bronze, I don't

mind. What happened?

We kidnapped the leader of the leprechauns, Seamus Muldoon.

My father won't listen. Not even to me.

He'll think that I'm under a spell.

Mine will think the same.

And now evil thoughts sit on their shoulders.

It's our fault.

If we hadn't run away together.

I may be the new guy on the block here, but it's my guess that you're just an

excuse for them to keep fighting.

But it's not just a fight.

The Grand Banshee's taking the lives of the soldiers.

We're not immortal anymore.

Who's the Grand Banshee?

She's the head, the chief, the grand arbiter of all things fairy and

leprechaun. Well, let's talk to her.

Talk to the Grand Banshee? Yeah, where does she live?

Top of Moatstone Mountain.

No, I think that's a good idea, Mr. Woods. I think that might work.

She has the power.

There you go.

I'd like Kathleen Fitzpatrick to come with us.

Why?

Well, another human.

She's from around these parts.

She's a woman.

You know, it'd show that we're all concerned, you know, that we're all in

it together.

All right.

What? Oh, no, no, no.

No time.

We're out to see the Grand Banshee.

Moonstone Mountains. How did you get the pony to come here?

That was me, I'm afraid.

Sorry.

Moonstone Mountain Firefly.

What are you going to do now?

Interrogator. This is an interrogation room, ma'am. I took the trouble of

turning it into one myself personally.

There's nothing in it except a chair. That's what makes it a... proper

interrogation room. You're going to interrogate me?

About what?

Seamus never tells me a thing. He just grunts when I ask him anything.

It's just the same with Boric.

That's husbands for you. You've got it in one.

Excuse me, could we get on with the matter in hand?

So, what are you going to do with me now that you've got me?

Spare me. Sperry and McGurk wanted me to look into some prospects.

That's it. That's all.

Well, no, no. If you want to know the truth, okay, it wasn't Sperry and

Sperry. It was McGurk who asked me. And do I care? Well, I'm just telling you.

So you decided you'd come to Ireland and ruin our peace and quiet.

I haven't seen much peace and quiet since I've been here. Well, normally,

it's much quieter than this, Mr. Wicks. Yeah, and anyway, it's about other

things as well.

Like I didn't tell you?

Yeah. He didn't tell you?

Not one word.

Ian, have you any idea where we're going?

Do you?

Er,

problem.

Looks like we'll have to swing around it. What, just like that?

Unless you've got a better idea.

Is that necessary?

I've done some climbing, you know.

Mountain or social?

Give us the rope there, Mr. Woods. I'll tie it off somewhere up there.

It will be a human-sized knot, won't it, Mickey?

Don't look down.

That's it. You're doing fine there.

Yeah, that's easy for you fly boys to say.

You need to stop shaking the rope.

That's not the rope. That's me.

Quick, come on to the sledge.

We've got to help them.

Thank you, Mickey and Jessica.

Thank you for all your help.

That's fine.

You see what happens when birds and leprechauns work together.

Oh, that's okay, Kathleen. No thanks necessary.

I was just about to thank you. Oh.

Oh, well, okay.

Thank you.

What, that's it?

Just thank you?

No small gift? No offer of adoption?

Well, thank you.

Very much.

Very much.

Thank you very much.

Okay, I'll take very much for a start.

Don't make anything of that.

Nothing gets to a lady's heart quicker than saving her from falling to her

death. Yeah, I've got her right where she wants me.

That's the entrance there.

It's tiny. We'll never get through there.

Okay. I'll go by myself. I'll deal with the Grand Banshee. And me.

No.

Jessica, it might be dangerous.

Mickey, we do this together so she can see that both sides want peace.

That makes sense, Mickey.

I know, but leprechauns have no sense.

Jessica, I... And come in whether you like it or not.

Flynn Esquire.

The fiery changeling of Moonsworn Mountain, if you please.

The one and only guardian of the cave of the High Council.

Killer of cattle, destroyer of towns, and general all around good fella.

We want to see the Grand Banshee.

Have you an appointment?

No, we didn't know we needed one. Well, you do.

So how do we go about getting an appointment?

From the Grand Banshee.

Oh, to see the Grand Banshee, we have to get an appointment.

From the Grand Ranch.

Not easy, is it?

What does mean?

It means I know a bag of hot air when I see one.

Are you talking about me?

I'll squash you flat.

You're not big enough.

I still think I'm not big enough.

Well, you're big, Flynn, but you're still nothing.

Funny looking fellas

Can

we

help you?

We've come to see the Grand Banshee.

Have you an appointment?

Do we need one?

No, but you can't see her without one.

So how do we get one?

Ask the Grand Banshee.

Oh, you know that routine.

From the fiery fool at the entrance.

Yes, you just can't get the staff nowadays.

Will you call her?

Please.

The plough word.

We don't hear that around here very often, do we? No, we don't.

Let's see what we can do.

Look, you're in luck. We've had a cancellation.

The Grand Banshee can see you now.

Welcome to the Hotel Splendide.

Would you like a drink?

No, thank you.

We're here to... I know why you're here.

This is beautiful.

Thank you.

Why are you living in a hotel?

Because I really like the room service.

Grand Banshee, we came here to ask you to stop this war.

We started it, Mickey and me.

We're in love, but our families don't approve.

Well, it's very good of you to come and try to take all the blame on yourselves,

but I know there are other reasons.

Well, perhaps, but...

People are being hurt.

Everything is being destroyed.

Can't you stop it, Grandpa Enshi?

No. No, I can't.

Well, why not?

Well, because you can't stop people doing what they really want to do.

And I warned them. And I warned you. But nobody listened.

I took away their immortality. And still, nobody paid a bit of attention.

But... If this war carries on, then there'll be no fairies left in Ireland.

If this war carries on and they don't take care of nature, there'll be no

Ireland or anything else for that matter.

Come, let me show you something.

From here, I can see Mother Nature herself.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Except that her leaves are usually green and growing, as they have been for

thousands of years.

And now they're brown and falling.

Because she's been neglected.

When the last leaf falls from the tree, all growth and all things will end.

Can we stop it?

I don't know.

I've never seen her look like this.

Perhaps if we could stop the fighting.

Maybe it's too late.

How long do you think we've got?

Not long.

What about us? What about us?

You know what I mean.

Well, I can't trust you anymore. Simple as that. No, no, it's not as simple as

that, Kathleen. You know I'm in love with you. So you say.

Listen to me.

I have given up everything because I want to stay here. I want to be happy.

Well, I'm not stopping you.

Well, as a matter of fact, you are.

I'm sorry. That was him. Stop that.

Sir, sir.

Where's Mickey and Princess Jessica?

I don't know. They're still missing.

Well, what's your orders, Commander?

Oh, uh, well, I suppose I'll have to do the honorable thing and rescue my wife.

We'll attack.

Great. They might torture her if we attack.

You're a good lad, Jericho, but you can't cheer me up that easily.

Come on.

Break in.

Impossible.

You'd better like to fly if you want to take me on.

Right,

my old she-friends.

Do your best.

All right now, lads.

Brace yourself.

I am braced, you fool.

Fire!

That's right.

All that we did was fall in love.

It was enough to sediment each other's throats.

There are hardly any leaves left.

The thorn tree.

Evil things sit on those twisted branches.

They say that lovers who lean against the taunt tree lose their love forever.

I don't want to lose my love. No, no, no, do I? But if we stopped caring so

much about each other, maybe we could return to our families and they'd make

peace. Mickey, are you sure?

No,

no, no, I'm not.

But shouldn't we at least try?

Yes.

so so

So, how do you feel?

All right.

And how do you feel about me?

All right.

How do you feel about me?

All right.

Oh, good.

Well, that's... All right, then.

Yes, yes, it is.

So, to test it, to make sure it's all over, it's all finished between us, if I

were to give you a little kiss like this, you'd feel... Nothing.

Oh, good, grant, nothing.

And, well, if I was to kiss you back...

Like this.

Not a thing.

Good. Yeah, same here.

And if I were to hold on to you like this... And if I were to put my arms

around you... Like this...

Maybe a little tremor there.

Just a little one.

You need to get the gold, I promise you.

Dad. Dad!

Seamus,

what's been happening?

Did you win?

It was glorious.

draw. So, does that mean peace?

Never. Total victory or nothing.

If you don't make peace, there'll be nothing left to fight over. But the

trooping fools will have to agree to peace as well.

They'll never do that so long as they think that Mickey has spirited Jessica

away. Well, then we'll have to get them to explain.

Yeah, where could they have gone, Seamus?

Oh, probably the swamp. It's neutral territory.

The swamp.

You know the way there, do you?

Yeah. I know there's a stupid question, but zero gold.

Told you there's more, there's more.

There's one there.

Well, and one over by the tree.

Yeah, keep going.

And you give us your word that you won't try to escape.

Of course I won't.

And even if I did, would you believe me?

This is a very bare-looking room, Your Majesty.

You could do wonders with a few flowers and some scatter cushions. And maybe a

small sofa.

Sire! Sire!

I think you should come and see what progress we have made.

Excuse me, ladies.

What is that idiot Bulstrode doing now? He's digging a tunnel under the palace.

Digging a tunnel to get out?

That's not right. We're besieging you.

We should be digging a tunnel to get in. Well, that's what I keep saying. But

they won't listen to me. They never do.

And you know, they've completely forgotten about my daughter. Oh, sweet

Jessica. Under that leprechaun spell.

I think you'll find it's the other way around.

Mickey has been bewitched by a chit of a girl. Well, of course you would say

that, wouldn't you? It's typical double-dealing leprechaun behavior.

Double-dealing, is it? Now you listen to me. I won't listen to someone whose idea

of having a wash is to stand outside and wait for the rain.

And I won't listen to someone whose only idea of a friend can be found in a

mirror.

Our engineers are working on the tunnels night and day.

And it had to be in the middle of the ballroom, did it? Yes, sir. It's a

direct line between here and there.

Has the Queen seen what you've done to the floor?

Not yet.

Well, make sure I'm there when she does, will you?

Certainly.

Come, Si.

I'm not going down there.

Out here.

Outside to see the rebel camp.

We're digging a tunnel under that field and under their camp.

They'll be surprised when we pop up behind them. If the tunnel doesn't

collapse. Good point.

Oh, that's a very good point.

See, it doesn't bolster. Oh, that's already taken care of, Sive. I've given

strict orders to it that it's not to collapse.

Oh, that'll work, then. We can all sleep easy in our beds tonight.

And English butter to boot.

This puts a whole different complexion on the matter. Butter changes

everything. I had a feeling it might make a difference, Uncle.

But we haven't come here for sanctuary.

We want your advice.

Really? Why me, lad?

This situation needs someone who's clever, devious, slippery and crooked.

Someone who can see around corners.

Flattery will get you everything.

What's the problem?

We want to put a stop to this war.

Bring our families together.

It'll have to be something really spectacular and shocking.

Have you

thought of dying at all?

No.

Well, if you think that it might...

Really help them. No, no, no, no, I don't mean for real I mean that might

succeed but you wouldn't be there to enjoy it that would defeat the whole

point of the exercise No, if your family's thought you'd go that far

rather than be parted That would do the trick just as well. It might

But how could it work?

Follow your uncle gently This is

poison

Or let's say it acts like poison.

Drink it, blood stops, you go into a coma.

Of course, a lot of people I know are in a coma without drinking this. No names,

no pack drill, what?

Anyway, to all intents and purposes, that's it. Now,

this... is the antidote.

Drink it.

And you'll be fine.

Provided you drink it within ten minutes of taking a poison.

If you don't, no more cricket on the green.

No more warm beer.

No more butter.

Thank goodness you're safe.

Listen, you have to come back and explain.

They all think you're under some magic spell.

We are.

We're in love.

We have a plan.

Listen.

Okay, that sounds good.

Well, yeah, I mean, if you think it'll work.

I'll need time to prepare, though.

Good luck, Mr. Woods. Good luck.

Good luck, Jack.

Thank you.

No!

You really should watch where you're going, Mr. Woods.

You know who I am?

Of course.

I'm the Grand Banshee.

You're the Grand Banshee.

You don't have to look so surprised. What were you expecting?

Two heads, fire breathing? I could do that, too.

No, no, no, no, no.

I've been watching you.

I'd like this war to end as much as you would.

Yeah?

We have a plan. I know.

You do?

I'm all seeing.

That's why I plucked you out of the twister.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

So will it work?

Your plan? Yeah.

I'm all seeing.

That's a little vague.

Well, I'm not a fortune teller, am I?

Good day.

So you wouldn't know by any chance if Kathleen and I were...

Whoa.

Troopers.

Seamus?

Seamus. Oh, Jack.

Oh, I'm glad to see you've decided to join the side of right and justice.

I need to talk to you.

Alone.

Listen, Seamus.

You've got to call a peace conference here now.

What? Mickey and Princess Jessica, they believe that their love is the reason

for all this fighting.

They'd rather die than be parted.

They wouldn't. Oh, they would. And they will. Unless you get in touch with King

Borg and at least talk.

I can't do it.

I can't. I just can't.

I have my pride.

What's that against your son's life, Seamus?

The white flag?

Devil does he want?

No, no, no!

And mine, Mickey?

Uh, together.

Unless both sides meet and talk.

I don't believe it!

I believe it! She wouldn't do it. She would!

She's in love!

Muldoon wouldn't think up a trick like that just to get you talking.

He only wants us to talk. If we don't talk, the two of them will do. Well, of

course we'll talk!

They have a human to fight for them. Don't worry.

They're docile, so long as you don't make any sudden movements.

And where's Bulstrode?

Underground, still digging.

Best place for him.

And who's this?

A neutral.

He's here as an observer.

I'm not fighting.

It wouldn't matter to us if you did.

Chamberlain.

On behalf of King Boric and the Trooping Fairies, we thought you might like to

say hello to your wife.

Hello. Now, let's get on with it.

Is that all you have to say, you half-gutted mackerel?

The man asked me if I'd like to say hello, and I have said hello.

Now, let's get on with the important stuff.

I am Seamus M- His plan for the Lord Demopoli, a thousand years

before his ancient majesty here, was even born.

Before a leprechaun had even thought of building a mud-

We're here to prove whose family's the oldest.

We're here to make peace for your children's sake.

Peace? What peace?

These trooping fairies killed Shaun the Vine and drove my son into exile.

These leprechauns have kidnapped my daughter, Jessica, cast a spell on her,

and killed my nephew, Count Grogan. Where's my daughter?

What have you done with her?

I have no idea where she is.

She... enticed my son away from his duty with our female magic.

We're here to make peace.

Okay.

It must be within ten minutes. Yes, I know.

Don't worry.

Over here!

Over here, quickly!

Hurry, take them to their parents.

Hurry!

Would you believe this?

With our husbands in charge?

Yes.

Jessica! Mickey!

What happened?

They took a potion.

No! I warned you.

They thought they were the reason for this war.

They thought this way it would end.

You can't let their sacrifice be in vain.

End this war, now.

There must be a peace treaty.

Later.

Right now, all you have to do is shake hands over the bodies of your children.

Shake hands?

A handshake between gentlemen is more binding than all the treaties in the

world. Ah, that's true. Do it.

Shake hands!

Now, Boric!

Jack?

Jack?

I didn't mean any of it.

I love you, Jack.

Hooray! We're here at last!

Come on, man!

We're there!

You're nowhere, you blundering fool!

It's happening!

No!

Save our children.

Save them. You must. Bring them back to us. And Jack, save Jack.

I can't save Jack.

He doesn't need it. He's only winded.

What?

Jack?

Jack?

Jack?

Ah,

but Mickey and Jessica, that's another story.

They're not so easily saved.

That's what comes from the stupid war. But it's over.

They shook hands.

There's nothing I can do.

Unless, of course, you really want peace in your hearts.

Gentlemen's agreement.

No more war.

Never again.

Don't take that, sir.

I'd be out of work.

Unless everyone wants peace.

We do.

What's happened?

What's happened?

It's Sean!

It's Sean! Sean!

Sean!

How's it going lads?

I must have fell asleep. I had a few and I was dead tired. Yeah, you were dead.

What's going on, Grand Banshee? It's a surprise.

I didn't know you could bring him back like that.

Well, if you knew, it wouldn't be a surprise now, would it?

Where's Count Grogan?

Oh, I'll be keeping him for the next hundred years or so, just to be on the

safe side.

Good thinking, Grand Banshee.

Wife's side of the family.

I'll get a drink before you go.

Oh, no, I couldn't.

Oh, yes, I could. Save me a branch. I'll be back. Drinks all around.

On me.

Ah, great idea.

Nothing.

Nothing. Hey, you!

You scurvy knickknacker.

There's no pots here.

There's no gold. You cheated us. You and that toddlin' tri-pound muldoon.

Somebody call?

There he is, lad. Let's get him. Now, hold on. Hey, hold on, hold on.

The gold is there.

Just haven't dug in the right places.

We've dug every place.

You haven't dug... There.

That looks good.

What's happening, lads?

What's happening, lads? It's an earthquake!

What's going on?

This morning, you're rich!

You're rich!

I want to get married here in Ireland.

All the words in the world won't make a marriage binding.

Only you can do that.

It's up to you.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

I have always been certain things are not always what

they seem.

Though the heavens stop turning, I'll be holding

on to our dream.

We can fly away, fly away. Drink up, Fuller Stroke.

What's the matter?

No more wars.

Ah, write your memoirs.

How I saved the world and other fairy stories.

Reached out and touched the real me Now there's no storm before us

As strong as the love we both feel We

can fly away, fly away If we give our

love, love will come our way

It is beautiful.

I can see it now.

I can.

It's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen.