Original subtitles

I just want to say thank you so much for your bids and donations.

You have all been absolutely amazing, and the church tower will be saved!

She really knows how to raise money, does that one. Well, she's a dynamo,

alrighty.

Vicaretta, she must be pleased. She didn't look it.

I'd better get back.

I'll walk you.

How about a quick visit to Valhalla and chips?

Warm the cockles.

Come on, put your arm to bed.

Stella must have drummed up some dosh there tonight at the auction.

I calculate from the sales and the cash-o-meter that they will be in excess

of 40,000 and 16 pence.

She'll be bob on as well.

What a brain.

You're going to make it, baby.

Where did the vicar get to? She left pretty darn sharpish.

What?

It's not Sunday.

Help! Help me!

Help me! Take a step back, please. Take a step back.

Well, there they are, Robin. The bells.

Just about holding up.

Like four shabby ancient rugby lads, shoulder to shoulder, encouraging each

other on.

But for how much longer?

I've seen for years it's crumbling.

Mum was always commenting on it. She was church cleaner, you know.

Those cobwebs wouldn't have been there back in her day.

Sometimes I think the spiderwebs are the only thing holding it up.

People keep saying that we need a social media campaign.

And I'm hopeless, and we have no money.

So I cannot thank you enough for offering up your computer skills.

Well, since Mum passed, I spend all my time online.

I'm no expert, like.

Quite frankly, anything will help.

Did you get time to look at my booklet?

A short introductory history of the churches of Blossomdale.

No. Sorry.

No. Looks really interesting, though.

Shall we?

I can't get a peep out of the library.

Are you all right?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm overcome.

Vicar, I hope you don't mind. I'm taking a record of my late, late ancestor,

longtime vicar and founding father of this church, the Right Reverend Sterling

Tobias Norris.

Stella Tobias Norris. Pleased to meet you.

This is Robin.

He's in charge of the website for our Save the Tower Fund.

I heard about this.

It would be sacrilege for my ancestor's church to go to ruin.

I have a calling to help, and I will, though I must return to the States in a

few days.

What little time I have is yours.

Oh, and yours.

Great, great, great, great Grandpappy. I will not lay you down.

Here, the first step in stone.

Mercy?

10,000 pounds?

I don't know what to say. Say nothing, Vicar. Get the word out. Get the church

hall ready for an auction.

Friday, Friday, make a miracle.

The town has until Friday to save the tower.

Get on it, Ruben. Yes, my new right-hand man.

So she is from Dixieland, this fiery fundraiser? Oh, yeah, all the way

through. She's tall, too. She's like a stretched-out Dolly Parton, but with jet

-black hair, you know, like Elvis Black. Piled up to the sky. Yes, she's all over

town. She's drumming up cash and contributions for the auction.

You know, I was in Cats Calf having a decaf.

Bet you can't say that again.

Anyhow... I'd just missed Estella, but she went out with a cake stand, a cash

donation and a free meal by all accounts.

So did Kath muster up a southern delicacy?

Oh, no, no, no, no. She wanted spam peas, a fried egg and chips.

The kind of belly buster you might need to save a church tower.

Mm. Well, last I heard, she was in Roonord.

Good luck with that mustachioed miser.

He still owes me for my granny's Victoriana condiment flange. We all know

about your granny's flange.

You sure have some beautiful things here, Mr. Race Renard. Well, thank you.

I find they are even more astoundingly beautiful when in your orbit.

Why, thank you, kind sir.

My pleasure.

Now, about that matter of donating one of your precious artifacts.

I only hesitate because... Do not tell me I have to leave your heavenly

emporium empty-handed.

Oh, dearest, uh-huh, is here.

Yet another side he's trim.

No, I actually have an important announcement.

There is an escaped convict on the loose.

Say what?

No, not to panic anyone, but as we're within a 50-mile radius of the prison,

we've been requested to ask that residents just keep on alert, that's

all. But I can't really tell you much more, apart from the fact that he does

have quite a distinctive scar down his cheek.

Does anyone have any questions? Is he good-looking?

Is he dangerous?

Let's just say it's probably best not to approach him if you do encounter him.

What's his name?

Well, he's not likely to give you his real name, but it is Ricky Matthews, but

he goes by the name Zag.

How long has he been at large for?

Since this morning.

Her hair's still wet.

Nothing stops the Pony Express.

Oh.

You know that chant?

Couldn't say.

Instinct, maybe.

My mama and my daddy had their DNA done.

Daddy, nothing.

But mama, it came back, well, 100% Viking.

No Odin in way.

So a Viking stands before you. Or a Viking princess, as my daddy liked to

brag. He was right.

Stan.

Now, if I take that, you're not going to throw me over your shoulder, are you,

and sail away with me?

No. With his back, are you kidding?

And he gets seasick. Oi, watch it.

I'm collecting cash and donations for the church tower.

Oh, well, so no more.

Kev, empty that tip box into our handbag.

Thank you, kind Norseman.

Oh, excuse me, boys.

Seems like a well-established business you have here.

You own it outright.

He does.

This year is his final mortgage payment.

Valhalla!

It weren't so easy, but it is all mine.

You are to be congratulated.

You never know who you're going to kiss.

i never thought she'd come hey i've been waiting for a viking princess all my

life

locks

of hair that's all the famous people that she's cut for look

here robin look naughty holder ozzy osbourne and cilla black it's very good

yeah

This is an amazing collection.

Might it be something that you could donate to the church auction?

This would command a pretty penny.

Oh, I... Wait a minute.

Interesting place.

Suspended in the 70s.

That's our Lily.

How about this?

Left in the yard since 1972, it seems.

Falling apart, but a chopper bike all the same.

What? It swept the nation in the 70s. It's roughly based on the Hell's Angel

chopper bike, with its lean back seating and its... Please, Tandle Bars. It's

true, I caught up the 1970s style and rebellion.

What she said.

Robin, dear, will you please wheel it out and place it with the other

offerings?

I have commandeered him away from the computer screen for

the day. Many hands and all that.

Now, can I give you a tidy up? Oh, no, not at present.

But might you be able to give dear Robin a tidy up?

To be an effective right-hand man, he needs styling.

Thank you so, dear girls.

Y'all put me in mind to steal Magnolia's.

Have you seen that? There is Grace Renard right on cue to pick up today's

haul.

Can I presume to put Robin's coiffure down to a donation?

Take a seat in Sir Swivel.

Where do you go for a cut usually, Robin?

Myself. I see.

Short back and sides.

Me and Mum have electrical hair clippers.

How do you know Stella?

Church met her.

I'm to help her.

What's your name?

Robin L. Tring.

Did you write a short introductory history to the churches of Blossomvale

in an educational pamphlet?

Yes. Oh, it's very interesting.

I've never met anyone who's read it before.

Well, I found it online.

And I printed it out.

You printed it out?

All right.

There's quite a bit of Mr. Dan here.

Huh? That pesky Mr. Dandruff.

Dandruff. Right.

It's my constant problem. Sorry.

Sorry. Hey, we can cut through it.

Please don't worry.

And later I've some products I can recommend.

So, do we know which part of the USA Stella is from?

Er, not sure.

The south.

Do we know where exactly?

Down the south.

Well, she certainly knows how to persuade, all right.

Is that her field?

Think back in the States. Yes, lots of that type of thing. She's rich, I think.

Gave a massive donation to help kick us off.

Really? She's always travelling the world.

Not like me. I haven't really ever left Blossom Vale.

That's part of the haircut, she said. To have it done for a passport.

I have never seen so much dandruff.

And he's like an adoring lapdog, did you see?

You couldn't hide it. Oh, there's something off-kilter here.

Like a bobcot that isn't truly aligned.

It's the accent.

You know, there's not just one southern accent. There are many.

Made for a study when I did Street Camping Desire at A-level.

Bet you did.

And Stella?

Inconsistent. And you know how I feel about that.

I do, I certainly do.

Well, maybe she travelled all over Southern States.

Hmm, was a bit gone with the wind and Dolly Parton pastiche.

Hey, did you notice?

When I so much as glanced at her hair, she moved away from me across Salem.

I did notice.

There was no touching that construction, was there? So high.

Oh, that's better.

Yeah, Bab, come out of the corner.

Let's have a proper look at you.

I've got you some gear from the charity shop.

Gratis, of course.

Try this jacket on.

There you go.

See?

Clothes maketh the man.

Right, where we at? How much we got?

Well, the accounts you said I had to open, I can hardly keep track.

Get it together.

We got about...

2,500 so far already?

That's no good. Not enough.

Not enough by a long chalk.

Oh. Look, it's because I'm desperate about our future.

I told you.

I love you.

We're going to run away together.

You still love me, don't you? Yes.

You mean everything.

You see, we need more money.

I miscalculated.

When we first met online, you said you owned an house, that you were an author.

See, now you live in your mum's old rented cottage and wrote a pamphlet

nobody wants.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I wanted you to want me.

Thank God you told me about the church fund and raising money.

We have our plan now, haven't we, Bab?

I'm terrified.

We have to go abroad and sue my love.

I told you about my ex. He's in prison right now, but that's not enough for me.

Knowing him, he could appear any time. Any time.

Any time!

He's beyond dangerous.

Anything could happen to me.

Don't worry.

Speed is of the essence, though. As long as I can keep switching between

Birmingham and Birmingham, Alabama, we'll be all right.

Uncle Stan, a battered sausage, buttered barm cake.

Just take a seat, will you? Where are

you

going?

I need to find her.

Uncle Stan, you only met her once.

We did not meet.

We were destined.

Here we are.

Thank you for the lift. Well, as you know, I'm constantly at your service,

dear, one day and night.

Why, thank you, kind sir.

Oh, just admiring that ring.

May I try it? Of course you may.

Ah, lovely.

Mercy, I can't remove it.

Oh, never mind. You can return it at our next rendezvous, which is tonight,

before you even answer. Just call, and I'll appear in a little puff of magic.

You are listening to your local radio station, Blossomvale FM.

I don't know why she bothers. She's always away behind our Winston.

The escaped convict, Richard Matthews... Thank you, James.

Thank you very much.

Citizens are warned to be vigilant.

Tomorrow, the auction for Save Our Tower begins at 6.30 in St Bartholomew's

Church Hall.

So what are you feeling, Ella Clary? There's just no mention of Stella

anywhere.

Hello.

Oh, Vicar.

Hi. Howdy.

Any of you seen Stella?

Not since earlier.

I've been waiting at the church for her for over an hour. Given up and gone in

search. Hey, Wincy, have you seen Stella?

Oh, she was empty in the charity shop last night. I saw her.

Oh, thank you. Oh, nice to see you again, Vicar Etta. Yeah, you too.

You know, it's Vicar, then Etta.

Her name is not Vicar Etta. Oh, what a relief.

She sounded like an ice cream.

Stan.

Why, thank you.

Suddenly able to look you in the eyes like this.

Why, how kind they are.

Can I help?

Well, I must complete this for my ancestor.

Ancestors is everything to us Vikings.

I need to descend.

I have something for you.

It's the most precious thing that I own. Oh, Stan.

It means everything to me.

I want you to have it for your auction.

Valuable?

Priceless. Oh. It's the thing that I've built my entire life on.

Oh, I see.

The Lady Bird Book of Vikings.

Well... I'm sorry, I've craned a few other birds in, but I was just a young

kid when I first got it.

Stan, to me, Philanthropy is the mark of a great man.

It melts my heart every time.

I have my chippy and my nephew and the Viking Reenactment Society of

Blossomvale and surrounding districts, but I am so, so lonely.

Oh, Stan.

I know that feeling.

You do?

Yes. We are in the same longboat, you and I.

I pledge my allegiance and service to thee.

What does thou need?

Well, at the moment, money.

Loads of it if I'm to save this tower.

You will have it, I swear, before Odin.

Are you troth to another?

Sorry? The Wraith.

Oh, that's Wraith Renards.

That one, that one be best there.

Can you just put that one on the table over there?

Oh, and you, handsome man, right over there. Thank you.

Renard!

Yes?

I've come to fathom your intentions.

I'm sorry?

Towards the Honourable Stella.

What the heck is this?

In my tradition, this calls for a contest.

Man against man.

Now, listen, Mush.

I'm sorry to break it to you, but you run a backstreet chippy. You're not a

Viking. Man against man.

What?

Ludicrous. Oh, it's a duel, is it? Oh, well, why don't we just fight with

these? You know, they're here already. Might as well use them, eh?

No need.

I have my weapon of choice.

Oh, my God. No, please, keep calm, dear boy, and mind me artefacts.

I'd keep a tight eye on your artefacts, if I were you.

No, no, listen, I am no threat to you at all. I'm not interested in her,

actually. You gave her a ring.

Yeah, no, you just...

Put your big weapon down and I'll explain.

Thank you.

See, the thing is, the ring is a fake.

It's a worthless trinket. I gave it to her as a test. It's a trap.

Because I am watching to see if she pulls the oldest grift in the book.

Pretend the ring will not come off. And then you come back later with it, but

swapped with a counterfeit.

I'm expecting her back any time soon, you see. It was just a ruse. I don't

want her hand in marriage, but I would like her to come and work here in my

shop. You don't often find one as polished as she. You know, she'd be a

great saleswoman, but also she'd spot a fraudster a mile off.

Oh. All right.

Bye-bye.

Ring, ring.

Congratulations.

Y'all having a good time?

Keep on drinking.

Why, hello, Mr. Restaurant.

Hello, my dear.

Stella, I need to talk to you. Dearest River, not now. We press forward.

Stan.

Blossom Veilers, you are doing great.

Let's hear it for yourself.

I want you all to push that cachemita through the room.

Fantastic. Now for our next lot.

What am I bid for this pretty little parasol?

Protect yourselves from the sun and the rain or over attentive admirers.

Can someone start me off with 50? 50 pints. Jill, did you put vodka in this?

Do I hear 60? Two and a half bottles.

One hundred. So did I.

Sold to that cute little man.

Congratulations.

Now, before we move on to our next lot, remember to keep those cash donations

rolling in.

Robin, where is Monday, Robin?

Robin is passing among you.

Yes, sirree. The bells.

Oh, the bells.

Like what I put in here. No, no, the church sounds.

Bing bong.

There we are.

Now for our next lot, a giraffe.

Yes, full size.

Could someone start me off?

£12.10.

Any advance?

No?

Sold to the lovely PC Addams.

I can't be mental.

Bloody donate. It's from the lost property.

Would you leave it?

Where's Kevin tonight?

He's minding the fort.

I had to be here. Bit of a controversial lot here.

Me!

Green tea with little old me.

Can I hear 50?

50. Ooh.

60. 70.

80. 100 pounds. Shush your mushing for take.

150. 200.

Steady on, old boy. 300.

350! 400!

Sold! That lovely hug from Anne.

Congratulations, Stan.

By the way, the ring did come back. Half-decent copy.

And her contacts are quick. I'll give her that. As to value, as I predicated.

Could do better out of a lucky bag.

Can you come and give me a hand? I need a little help. Just a teeny bit.

Yeah, I'll bring it with me.

Okay.

Wow.

So, we've been asked to announce lot 25.

What am I bid for this clockwork cake stand that plays, if you like, pina

coladas and getting caught in the rain?

Is that what we're bidding?

Don't let up on the cash donations either. Keep them coming in.

10 pounds 10 pounds amazing 10 pounds and 12.50 12.50 anything else anyone

else 12.50 15 15 amazing anyone else

20 pounds 20 pounds

Pity. Could have had our very own chippy.

I'll settle for a villa in Thailand.

Tonight's the night. Just need to get the pay off.

How much?

Around 40 grand, maybe more.

Did you get that passport for me?

Of course.

The plane's booked.

We travel tonight.

Stella!

It's been so long.

What about that mug, Robin?

You give us any trouble?

Leave him to me.

I just want to say...

Thank you so much for coming and all your bids and donations.

The church tower is going to be saved.

I love y'all. I love you.

Hey, that went well.

She really knows how to raise money, does that one. She's a dynamo, alrighty.

Oh, good old Stella, saving the church tower.

Does that rhyme?

Or is Winston Shell's punch sent me woozy?

Woozy. Got you.

Well done, Stella!

There she blows.

Vicaretta, only been here five minutes and ready on the way to getting her

tower saved.

She must be pleased.

She didn't really look it.

Stella, I want to talk to you, if that is your name.

What are you talking about?

What are you up to?

Saving your tower if you hadn't noticed.

I've rumbled you.

What? Well, for a star. That £10,000 cheque you gave me went on a bungee jump

bouncing in and out of the bank.

I haven't got time for this. Well, make time.

Also, according to this, the pamphlet that Robin wrote, Sterling Tobias

Norris, your ancestor, was childless and unmarried.

OK, OK.

We've both got a few secrets, haven't we?

Wasn't sure at first.

That grip tells a story.

What? A little place called Bronzefield Prison.

You were young, but you were the big I am, though, weren't you then?

Coming back now, is it, Reverend?

I want answers, not a diversion.

Where's the money?

What, are you after your cut? Do you want to watch your mouth?

Yeah, that's more like it. You're a bigger scammer than I could ever be.

Thought I recognised you.

I wasn't on a minor fraud charge.

You were on a much more serious wing.

A known leader of a notorious girl gang.

Grievous bodily harm, wasn't it?

Robbery, wasn't it?

Drug dealing, wasn't it?

Blimey, I could go on and on.

You'd better watch your back.

Unless you want your precious parishioners to know the truth.

I'd better get back.

I'll walk you.

No! You've two buses to catch.

I know a shortcut.

How about a quick visit to Valhalla and chips?

Warm the cockles.

Come on, put your arm to bed.

Shame. What is? Me poor old chopper didn't sell.

Ciao, girls.

Where did the vicar get to? She left pretty darn sharpish.

What? It's not Sunday.

Help!

Help!

Help me!

No, no, no.

I

think

we've... I'll have to take it from here.

One of the lads might be able to give you a lift. Oh, sorry, I need to take

this.

Hello?

Yeah.

For what it's worth, I didn't do it.

What happened?

I suspected a scam.

£10,000 was never paid over as promised.

I confronted her about it.

Yes. Let's just say this isn't the first time I've been in cuffs.

You can talk to us, Vicar.

Still calling me Vicar?

If only you knew how much that title means to me.

I have a checkered past.

Girl gangs, violence, jail.

It's where I found God.

I lost my liberty and found my liberation.

But I couldn't tell people that.

I wanted you to get to know me.

To trust me.

All I can say is follow the money.

The auction money has just been found hidden in your office.

Ann Robbins reported that all the charity bank accounts that were set up

through the church have been emptied.

Shall we have a chat down the station?

There's been a sighting of the prisoner.

I've got to go.

Adam?

Yeah? Be careful.

Yeah, will be.

Everything all right, mate? Yeah, all good.

Car's not looking great.

Stop,

police! Stop where you are!

Back off!

Move! Stay down!

Stay down!

Grab him!

Get off, get off!

Get off!

Think of what Etta said. Follow the money. Where is the money?

It's vanished.

Save our tower page. Gone. The lot.

I just can't bear to think of the image of that dead body swaying in the ropes.

Yeah, I see it too.

And all that flying dust in the stream of the moonlight.

Yes. Settled on her velvet suit.

Yes. And on the shoulders of it.

Was it dust from the bells above?

Oh, Lily.

Oh, I can see it now.

Oh, it was... Dandruff.

Why he gets the velvet?

And you can't get Dandruff from her wig.

Save our tower page. Gone. Bank accounts.

Empty.

Robin! Robin.

Solway! Please let us in.

What happened, Robin?

She did it.

That vicar.

You will have to tell us the truth, Robin.

Clary, tell him.

Your DNA will be in the dandruff found at the crime scene.

What happened?

You can tell us.

I was always a loner.

But since she, mum, passed, it's been so lonely.

I began to live life online.

Started looking at online dating.

Suddenly, she came into my life.

Stella? Rita, she was called at first.

I could not believe she could be interested in me.

It's like I began to...

For the first time, I have a life.

Shall I get you a drink?

Thank you.

It was all a scam.

When she found out about the church tower, she hatched this plan to set it

up, then take off with the money.

She will come in the guise of Stella, a southern belle.

All I have to do is to pretend I don't know her and follow instructions.

I was scared to death.

We were so in love.

Here you go, Robin.

She told me to drain the account and meet her at the bell tower with the cash

from the auction.

Where is it? Here.

The account?

All done. Good.

The worst was when we went to kiss her.

Oh, get away!

God! We love each other. You disgust me.

You kissed that man?

Course I kissed him. He's my partner and lover.

Haven't you woken up yet?

Think I'd be with you?

I do this all the time. It's my living, taking people like you.

I lost control.

I lost control.

Later.

cash in the vicar's office knowing it would frame her told the police it had

gone missing from the whole so sorry sorry robin

uh we're here to um you

just so

phase

one for the work is raised

Thank you.

Thank you.

And thank you for accepting me. I couldn't have asked for a more welcoming

and loving parish.

Let the girls be laughing thanks.

Come on, old lads. Ring out.

Well, thank God you're safe.

Yes, all in the line of duty.

We returned Zaggy. He kind of gave up any fight when he heard about Stella, so

we won't be seeing him for a very long time.

Lovely it worked out.

The money was recovered.

Robin gave us all the help he could.

Well, I'll say it again.

I'm very glad you're safe. I was very worried.

I... I... I was... I was... What are you doing on

Saturday? Saturday's our busiest day.

Oh. Right.

But Sunday... Sunday's not, though.

Uncle Stan?

Bye, back soon.

So good of you, Rupert. Sorry.

To give such a generous donation, matching what's raised.

You are a good man.

Thank you.

It's the Agricultural Society's annual Rose of the Year Award next month, and

I'm... Submitting Billy Rose, and I just wondered if perhaps you'd be my guest of

honour.

I will look in the appointment book.

Only joking. Of course I'll be there.

Well, that's very good.

Well, let's continue with the celebrations.

There's plenty of food and drink. No fear. My sweet 70s playlist is here.

Love is in the air.