Original subtitles

Say yes, sir!

Pathetic! Worthless! Little rot of a world!

I ask for a gladiator, and I got gladiators!

Move it, boy!

Faster! Faster!

Did Bobby Cuttings drop them in? Do they look like his?

Yes. He did what a blooming sweetie he is, eh?

Blooming being the operative word.

He does it for everyone.

Flowers, cuttings, he just spreads them all round town.

Yeah, I heard. Why does he do that?

Well, his wife passed away last year and she made him promise to spread the love

through their beloved garden.

Oh. Bless.

They're pulling out all the stops for that big do at the old theatre, aren't

they, Lil? Aren't they just?

What's that?

The celebration of Binky de Carmichael. Who is Binky?

He only ran the theatre for years.

You know, he gave many a big name their first break, did Mr de Carmichael? Huh?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, he had the biggest and bestest heart in the whole of Britannia.

That's why they're all turning up for him now.

There's an article in the Gazette, Lil.

Who needs the Gazette when we got our wincy faster than any newsflash?

You're not wrong there, Lil.

Keep this commotion down.

Others live here, you know. Oh, shut up.

And keep your eye on how much it's been in my yard.

Well, fix your fence then. I'll fix your dog first.

In fact, I'll pick it up and eat it.

If you ever touch her, I will kill you.

Molly, come on, go.

The showbiz are abundant, it seems.

I might go, you know.

Hi, hi.

Hello. Hi.

Don't adjust your sets. We're twins.

Oh, lovely.

Any chance you could give us both a crimping? Not too much and not too

little. Just right.

If you can wait till after Wincy. We can wait.

What are your names, please?

Brenda and Bonnie.

Or B&B Smith the best.

Rich. Move it.

We're here to take part in the testimonial for dear old Binky.

We're blown in from Blackpool.

Binky gave us a break when no one else would. We were singers in the day.

Retired now.

Two's company. That's our act.

That's after.

We were three, you see.

Three? We were triplets. All sang together.

Then we sadly lost our Betty.

She was the best of us.

She was.

Oh, man in uniform alert.

Lovely.

I've actually just called in to see Clary, if that's all right.

Hey, so I have got some tickets for the show tonight if you would

like to come.

Yes, of course.

Hey, Lil, we've got tickets for the show.

Oh, you'll see us?

Do you trim moustaches?

Oh.

Yeah.

We could, but a bit busy.

You tried the barbers?

Bad.

You used to blow hot water bottles up her face, didn't you?

Those days are behind me now.

Doctor's orders.

Not allowed to do it any more.

Oh, shame.

You could have done it at Binky's. Shame.

Working on an Indian club routine now, though.

If you care to come down to the gym.

I'll show you. I didn't know there was a gym in town.

Yeah, it's in my garage.

Not your sauna, pool, green carpet type place.

Come down.

I'll put you through your bases.

So you're a personal trainer then? 20 years in the army.

Hey, uh-huh, Elvis did karate.

Uh-huh.

Well, I'm waving garbage.

You get yourself killed.

Come down.

I'll show you some real self-defense.

Self-defense?

I would be most interested in that.

I could come too, you know, just tone up a bit, wouldn't go amiss, and a bit of

self-defense, you know, would be quite useful.

See, we mainly just do restraints, so... Restraints?

You might as well tie a ribbon on them.

That's each bone on bone tendon ripping.

What's wrong?

That's Ron, or Sergeant Shalbridge.

He settled here after the army with his wife, Marjorie. Yeah, she was lovely.

Marjories always are.

They had a teenage son, Mike.

Oh, he was hard on him. He ended up a right tearaway.

They called him Mad Mick.

He ended up covered in tattoos and ran off to work in the fairgrounds. That

didn't suit his dad.

Not blooming likely, no.

As far as I know.

They're still in strangle to this very day.

Estranged? Yeah, he was estranged. And strong.

Blimey.

By all accounts, it was Binky that saved him from the slammer, you know.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. He vouched for him and gave him a job backstage.

Right, with the love of Donny, sit down. All right. God stop her. Now I'm

driving.

Morning, gentlemen.

Jump to it.

Off you go, you mutt.

Oi!

What have I told you?

You're not allowed to block the thoroughfare.

I'm just waiting for my daughter.

She's parking up.

I tried that with me yesterday.

Get those trolleys in!

Formation, lad!

Formation!

I'm biding my time for one of these days.

This community service never ends.

Lad! Where is she?

Oh, not you.

Well, where's my... Where's my dog?

I don't know.

Must have slipped its leash.

Molly?

Molly!

You've done something to her, haven't you?

You've done something to her. Bobby, what's he done?

If any harm comes to her, I will kill you.

Do you hear me?

So you keep saying.

Molly!

Oh, we should be applauding you. We've never had such pompadours before.

Oh, masterful. Oh, hold on.

I'm really pleased with it.

Here she comes.

Oh, that's gorgeous. Oh, nice touch.

Blimey. Gotta go.

I have an appointment with the Lord.

Oh?

What?

I have an appointment with Mr... Yes, Lord Carl Walden, if you don't mind.

Carl Walden. What is that fragrance I can smell? It's lifted me in the air.

It's gorgeous.

And you are?

I'm Lily Petal, the hairdresser.

I shall let him know you're here. Thank you.

Go round the back entrance.

Right.

Oh, she's a rare bloom in sunshine.

Oh, it's roses.

It's roses, you newty.

No need to stone, my lord.

He's not been well of late.

Hello. This is Lily Petrel from the hairdressers.

Petrel. Hello,

and what's your name?

My lord, if you don't mind.

Rupert.

Rupert? Mm-hmm, Rupert.

OK, then, Rupert.

Let us begin.

Short back and sides, nothing fancy. Beard taken to short whiskers, eyebrows,

then nose hair, ears, hair, and that's it.

Right?

I think I have to remind you that we do not have all day.

I'm sorry, but if I am to do a creation, I do have to tuck it in first.

Weigh it up, like.

Yeah?

Feel what I have afore me.

Hear what it is saying to me.

Artist, now, is she?

Puts me in mind of Sister Ignatius from a combat high school.

Before I got...

Mike? Wow.

I would have got good hiding for that off you.

bench press alone.

What's up? Let me guess, no friends left to spot you, not even a workout partner.

Should have let that bar fall back and do us worse with your windpipe.

Oh, son, is it you?

Don't start any of that.

I'm here for Sponduli only.

What? The money, man, that you owe my mummy and me.

You don't appear for years.

Didn't you come with this? That's more like it.

The dad I remember.

Bouncing them off the walls, pasting me for my own good, terrifying us all.

Little skinny me, running for my life with GLODIOLINE echoing after me up the

stairwell. Mate, I don't want it like this.

It's her, innit, all this, turning you against me. You mean the only one that

stuck by you when no-one else would?

What do you mean?

They are me. What you did broke all our lives.

I was.

Exonerated! Stupid!

Now go!

Not without money. You always had some stash. Where is it?

I'm warning you!

The wind's by.

Crush. Remember, you always taught me.

Like a new touch, daddy-o.

Recognise bloody all I've done for him. Look at it!

Your nickname for everyone who wasn't on my...

Too bad, you!

That's all you're bothered about?

Big run!

Can't ever lose!

Well, you've won.

You've killed me, all right.

What do you want about her?

Looks like the upbringing I got got to me, according to the quacks and the

shrinks.

You put me in a long psychological stranglehold which lasts forever.

The drink and the drugs to heal the pain have took their strain.

Mike.

I'll be back.

If the money isn't given over, you know what will happen.

Good day, daddy-o-lie.

It's illegal, it's immoral, or it makes you fat.

Oh, it really doesn't matter what you're aiming at. If it's something you enjoy,

you can be certain that it's illegal, it's immoral, or it makes you fat. It's

illegal, it's immoral, or it makes you fat. Oh, it really doesn't matter what

you're aiming at. If it's something you enjoy, you can be certain that it's

illegal, it's immoral, or it makes you fat. It's illegal, it's immoral, or

it...

Marvellous, me turtle doves, take a little break, you fools.

Oi, my trilling twosome, stick close.

Don't disappear like last break.

We could be naughty, only out taking the air. Aye, and a blooming vape.

Well done, you two. I was listening at the back. Oh, here he is.

There has been a request for an old copper's helmet.

Well, just what I need, a bobby's helmet.

For me laughing policeman.

When I confess.

find him.

How come you're not in uniform, officer?

Oh, I'm just going down the gym. Gonna see Ron, meet Clary.

We'll come with you. He said we could.

Yeah, watch him swing his Indian clubs or something.

Don't you love a police escort?

Gladioli.

You should take well, Donna.

Thank you, Bobby.

It's keeping me going, keeping my mind off of things.

Bobby, I...

I don't know how to... The dog has been... Been knocked

over.

Lenny Cross gave me this to give to you.

He was pretty sure the dog was...

Is she still there?

The vets took her.

Do you want me to come over there with you?

No, no, no, no, no, please.

I want to be...

alone for a moment and uh and then there's something i have to do so

so sorry bobby

You alright?

Sorry.

No, I'm... Pull up there on the right, Brenda.

Oh, you're so commanding, officer.

Yeah, I forgot to take a protein shake before, but I usually will do one

afterwards as well.

Clary, give me a hand.

Oh, my.

Are we ready?

Mm-hmm.

What has she done?

Are you there?

Oh, my gosh.

Thank you.

Hey, you forgot something.

Your stick.

My lord, I've put your pills and hot milk in your study.

The power of a good haircut.

I feel ten years younger.

Do you play?

The piano?

Oh, no, no, I did.

Not anymore?

No.

I always wanted to learn, but my mother wouldn't let me.

Nothing of that sort allowed.

Very serious, she was.

She used to tell me off for being happy.

Ooh.

Stop makes her happy.

No, my mother was the opposite.

Lit-up rooms, always bringing joy everywhere, but we lost her about ten

years ago now.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Look, it's not been the same, really.

Did she like the piano?

Oh, yes, she loved the piano. Oh, yes.

I'm afraid to say the lid hasn't been lifted for quite a while. I was a

songwriter. Were you famous?

Well, I had my moments.

Oh, that's amazing.

Well, not as amazing as what you do.

Oh, I wouldn't put what I do alongside songwriting.

May I?

May what?

Oh, of course, of course, yes.

Oh, that's beautiful woodwork. Could I? I've brought your medication to you.

Lovely.

Come to the kitchen, we'll settle up.

Another car will be here soon.

You all right?

Look at the space beyond the lock.

Weights have been piled on haphazard and I would proffer rapidly.

Mm-hmm.

Well, no experienced weightlifter would do that.

The only time they may risk it is if they have a spotter and they're working

too quickly to stop, reload and lock the weights in, but they would not do that

alone.

What is that inside his mouth?

It's a gladioli.

Like the ones that Bob Cuttings delivers.

I saw him earlier.

He ran past me. He nearly knocked me over.

He lives next door.

And he works up at the house on the hill a few days a week.

He's a gardener.

I'm going to call this in.

There's more to this than meets the eye, I think.

Aha! You mustn't mind Mrs.

Rind.

She ever does the protection, but she does care.

I don't know where I'd be without her, really.

This is so, so beautiful.

And the fragrance.

It's lovely.

Puts me in mind of when I used to work in Soho, opposite the street market,

passing a flower store.

Oh, it was sweet.

And then...

Are you all right?

It was the stool next to his.

His?

Who? Oh, my husband. Oh, I see, right.

Oh, no, no.

Long ago gone.

Just scent takes you back at speed of light, don't it?

Sorry.

But these are just so, so beautiful.

Just perfect. Well, I blend them and then I create a new strand of my own. So

this one here, this is the latest.

It's just so exquisite.

Yes, I do think it is one of my best. I really do. But I don't... I don't know

what to call it.

Well, it wants to be something in keeping with its incredible beauty.

Something that means a lot to you.

Mmm.

Good Lord.

What's that?

Well, just be careful.

Bob, it's me.

What's going on? Calm down.

He's dead.

Bob, you're not making any sense. Bob?

Ron, he's dead.

Ron,

neighbour. Ron, moustache, big. Yes, I remember him.

Unsavory man.

Came up to the house once, trying to offer security.

I wanted him dead.

You killed him?

How I wanted to.

Don't think I did it.

He killed my dog.

Things were looking bad for me.

So I ran. I just... Just ran.

Army chum of the families was Ron Sear at the Rinsfield Barracks.

Something unsavoury there.

He killed my dog!

He killed my dog! He killed little Molly! You can explain all that down the

station, Bob.

Up you get.

I didn't do anything.

Well, Cuttings, I'm arresting you on suspicion of murder. You do not have to

say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when

questioned something which you later rely on in court.

Anything you do say may be given in evidence.

Do you want... Yep, my lord, let's get you inside.

I think with all the over-excitement, the visit to this evening's show might

have to be cancelled.

As said, service is no longer required.

Oh, it's looking grim for Bob.

I just can't believe it, of that caring man that gave me those flowers.

Something's not settling right.

Lord Rupert said Rensfield Barracks. Try that.

Sergeant Major Ronald Shalbridge.

Rensfield Barracks.

Aha. That'll be him.

Rensfield Bugle newspaper, nine years ago. Article on Rensfield Barracks.

Private Mark Jenvers took his own life. Family demand inquest claiming bullying

by a senior rank contributed to Mark's death.

Look here.

What?

An inquest into a suicide at Rensfield Barracks. Outcome, no blame attached to

any person and there's a photo of Ron Shalbridge with his lawyer.

Why would he need a lawyer if he had nothing to hide? Click on, click on,

Clary. Right, typing mark, Genvers.

Seems he was a trumpet champion by all accounts.

Genvers is a private, pride of the local boys' brigade.

Sometimes you just need to go back to the root.

Ron's house?

So this is Ron's house, eh?

What exactly are we going to do? I don't know.

Have a toot around, I'm not sure.

Right.

Window's broken.

Who are you, cops?

No. We're no one. We're just... You're going nowhere. Sit down.

We're just... Sit the hell down!

He's got money and it's here.

Maybe this is a job for the police. I ain't got time for that.

I did it.

All right?

32 quids worth of premium bonds and three medals.

Are you Mike?

Mad Mick to you.

I'm his one and only son.

And you killed him?

What am I gonna do now?

Just calm down.

Clara can go get you a drink. Nobody leaves!

Going nowhere.

You all right?

I'm drunk as a skunk, I know that.

You don't... You don't look well.

Damaged liver.

Kidneys. Other awful than that. All closing down.

Too many drugs.

Too many drinks.

Too many memories. My mum's on it though. She's going to get me to the

University Hospital of Nebraska or Alaska or Ayahuasca or some such.

I can't keep track.

They're the only ones that can do the necessary treatment.

A few premium bonds won't do it though, will it?

My childhood, you see, was unburied.

And I can't stop marching to his command. Up.

Two. Three.

I done it. Alright.

I've killed him a thousand times over for years and years and years

and years in my head.

Is that Bob's dog? Oh, Molly.

Molly? Oh, you're okay.

Molly!

She survived.

I bet managed to save her.

What a little fighter.

She bounced back.

That's lovely.

I've been to Bob's, but no sign of him.

Would you mind?

Just keep to your bell conditions, Bob.

Yeah?

Bob!

Bob! Look who we've got.

Yeah?

Molly. Oh, Molly. Oh.

Oh, my Molly, how are you?

Where have you been?

What did you do?

You just ran off, didn't you?

Oh.

Is there anything else you can remember, Bob?

Any detail.

It's important.

As I said, I gave Gladioli clippings to Donna at my front gate.

She told me the news.

I was really angry.

I went next door.

What, Bob? What did you do?

Nothing. He was already dead.

I just ran.

And that's when you ran into me. I didn't do it.

Wait, there was... There was one thing strange.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Sorry. The show will be starting shortly.

Lily!

Eric? No.

Guess what? There's a surprise 90s pop legend performing.

Is this what we're seeing?

So lovely to see you. Lovely to see you, Lord Rupert. You're looking well.

Smashing to see you, Lord Rupert. Hello.

Yes.

What?

No stick?

Woo-hoo!

Lovely. Lovely.

Lily!

Lily!

Lily! Mama!

Mama!

Oh, great baronets you gave the twins, by the way.

Everybody loved those two and had worked with them at some time, mainly as the

triplets, the Jenvers sisters.

Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats.

Oh, Ace!

Jenvers? Oh, yes!

Yes! Oh, Ace!

Jenvers.

Not Smith, as they told us.

No, Jenvers.

Like Private Mark Jenvers. Mark Jenvers, the soldier, took his own life.

Well, oh, Lil, have you come in to give us a little titivating?

She could do with it.

I want to talk to you about Ronald Shelbridge.

The big bloke? Had the accident?

What's this all about, Lily?

I saw your look when you first saw him.

I didn't fully twig it at the time, but it was a look of recognition.

Do you trim mustaches?

And we had something to do with it.

That's preposterous.

Doing for a big Titan like that, two Lilliputians.

Come on.

And why?

Anyway, we were here rehearsing this morning.

Not all the time, though, were you?

What? Well, I spoke to Lonnie. He told me what a tonic you were throughout

rehearsals, except when you vanished. You missed your slot. He wasn't best

pleased. We went for a walk. So what?

You were spotted in the vicinity of Ron's house that morning.

I was on our street, looking up and down it for Molly for hundreds of times.

An elderly lady hurried past me.

Excuse me, have you seen the little dog?

Excuse me?

She just ignored me and she walked on.

Molly!

But moments later, the same woman went past me going in the same direction.

Have you seen the little dog?

How could that be?

We know about Mark.

The tragedy at the barracks. Ron's involvement.

So what if we were there in that rotten, stinking gym?

Brenda. He killed himself.

His own bloated ego was the murderer. The big head did for himself.

Brenda, watch what you say.

That fiend, when he drove the life out of our Mark.

He killed us all.

And Betty never recovered.

Ended up dying of a broken heart.

Beautiful Betty.

We was like one.

Triplets. Our hearts ripped out.

Beautiful, beautiful Mark.

The best nephew in the world.

He was.

And the gift he had with that trumpet was something to behold. It was so

wonderful. And when that man walked out the tribunal, puffed up chest, grinning.

No! He couldn't get away with it, no.

We'd been searching for him for years till we saw a news item of a man blowing

up a hot water bottle for charity and we recognised him. We'll never forget that

face. And finally, we found him here and the show being on, what an alibi.

Bumped into him in your shop?

It all fell into place too well.

Betty had her hand in it. Even getting him alone like that. He was there with

the clubs, showing off to us.

Pathetic.

What do you think, girls?

I don't know how you do it, Ron.

Very impressive.

You defied all years.

You can't push things, can you, Ron? Surely not.

Soon as I started, Bonnie knew where I was heading.

No need to confer.

As one.

Just like in performance.

We never needed rehearsal.

That's no.

Pile a few more on.

Oh. Oh, yes. We just kept piling the weights on.

Here

you

are, Ron.

Just a few more pounds.

Nothing to a real man like you, Ron.

It's no trouble.

Get him off me!

Get him off me!

Our faces

were the last he saw.

We wanted him to go like our Mark went.

Least he choked. Now you know how it felt for Mark.

Good night, gladioli.

We knew this might happen. But we're not bothered.

We've had a good life and this was the last piece that had to be finished.

Justice had to be done.

Prison will be alright for two old-age pensioners. We ain't got long left

anyway. All we're bothered about is finishing the show.

Our motto has always been, the show must go on. Can we do our last song?

It's mayhem in there. You what? The pianist has fainted or something.

You can't go on.

And the special guest door's on next.

What are they going to do?

Come.

I'm not sure I can do this, Lily.

They need you to save the day.

Will you stay close?

Of course.

Ladies and gentlemen, the delectable, the iconic,

the one, the only, Heather...

Sometimes the river flows but nothing breathes

A train arrives but never leaves And it's a shame

Oh life, like love

that's walked out of the door Of being rich or being

poor

or shame.

But it's there, there that faith arrives to make

you feel at least alive.

And that's why you should keep on aiming high.

Seek yourself and you will shine.

You've got to search for a hero inside yourself.

It's a swivel for all your worth.

Thanks.

A new beginning, I prophesied.

So, is it all true then?

Yeah.

Binky made sure I was allocated some of the testament money raised. I can't

believe it.

He was a good man, that Binky.

Off stateside to get myself overhauled and ship shape and then, well, we will

see.

No, no.

On the house.

Again, I'm so sorry for how I behaved with you both.

We understand.

Yes.

Right then.

Better split.

I've got two trains and a plane to catch.

Bye, all.

Might find myself over this way again sometime.

Bye.

Have you seen it yet?

What?

It's Lord Rupert's rose.

I named it Lily Rose.