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[gentle piano music]

[indistinct noises]

[toilet flushes]

Thanks.

Nervous pee.

[dramatic music]

Sarah.

[Sarah] Oh my gosh! Hey!

Oh, my God. Angie?

So, how'd it go?

She looked so good. Like, so good.

-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.

I think I might maybe get it.

How much money have you donated to the kids' school?

Well, I don't know.

My kids are never going to be as smart as yours.

Anyway, I gotta go, but.

Bye.

[both giggling]

Oh, someone's coming upstairs.

[footsteps clomping]

Welcome, welcome.

Make sure you close the door

behind you, please.

Thank you so much for having me.

All of you. My name is Lila.

Well, these are my cohorts, Olivia.

And Kate.

You're new to the community, correct?

Or are you just a new mama?

Oh, both.

I'm eight weeks pregnant.

Oh, congrats.

Thank you.

I know it's kind of early for me,

but you guys only interview once a year, so.

I understand.

James and I wanted to be in the perfect place for her,

or him, to grow up. Somewhere

that's just as family oriented as we are.

So I really wanted to make sure

that I could make it on time to apply.

Great.

Yeah, that really makes sense.

So then you've researched

the Elk Creek Mothers' Association?

You understand what it is that we do?

Yes. You organize

events for mothers mostly, and you keep the community

-safe. -[Trish] Right.

And what are you going to do

to support your own new little home?

Have you been able to find work?

Recently, I was an accountant

for a car company, and now I'm

looking for something similar in the area.

But I've also been prioritizing baby setup.

While I can still sort of

stand straight. Unpacking, babysitter

shopping, sending Facebook hi's to all the moms.

And what about your husband?

He works at a hospital in the city.

He's a doctor.

Oh, nice.

-What kind of doctor? -[Trish] Ladies.

She's the one interviewing for us,

-not him. -[all laughing]

So, Lila,

have you ever been part of a group structured like ours?

I mean, I've always looked for positions

where I get to bounce ideas off of other people.

I mean, like, my last few jobs.

Well,

they weren't really like that,

but I still have to get

information from a billion people at once.

You know?

Emails.

You know that

feeling of wanting to create something with other people

and getting to share that joy with them.

You mean via email?

Well, that's just kind of been

the nature of my field, really.

But this is why I'm trying to do stuff

that's more hands on and not just sitting in an office.

[Trish] Sure.

In that case, I just

have one more question for you, if that's okay?

I'll just need to know

what kind of attitude

would you bring to the group if you were chosen?

Well.

I love kids more than anyone.

Anything, I mean. [chuckles]

More than anything.

I've known forever that

I want to be a mom.

And I read stuff about community

child raising and how it's done in some cultures.

And in a way,

that's sort of what you're doing here,

I think. I just think that's amazing

because that way the kids get exposed to so many different

perspectives and personalities and

being a newcomer

I think I could bring a lot of new things

to the table in that sense.

[dramatic music continues]

Well, Lila,

we would love to offer you the place to join us.

-What do you think? -[Lila] Wow.

That's, that's, really?

Of course.

That's amazing.

-That's so good-- -Will you be available

next Saturday to help set up for my quarterly bake sale?

Oh. What time on Saturday?

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

I'll have the car on Saturday.

Great.

Wow, I can't wait.

This going to be a lot of--

Oh, I also read that

you guys do carpools.

I was wondering, because my husband is at work

a lot.

[birds chirping]

[Lila] Somebody help me!

Somebody.

[soft music]

[water running]

In celebration.

A little nonalcoholic gift for my new little council member.

Thank you.

Finally, the homecoming gift

that won't kill my child.

[glasses clink]

[soft music continues]

This is great.

I'm exhausted.

Are you sure that you're not making yourself

too overwhelmed?

I mean, yeah, but it'll be worse

next year, so.

I don't know if it will, by then

we'll be way more settled in.

And, I don't know,

maybe your parents will be around to help us out.

You think they'd travel all the way here to babysit for us?

I mean, emotionally.

I just want to make sure that joining this intense of a group

you know, isn't putting too much

on your plate right now.

I'm not even working yet.

No, but they say that moving is the third

most stressful life event

anybody can ever go through besides death in the family.

-And divorce. -Then don't die

and don't divorce me.

And I think I'll be okay.

Lil. Come on.

What? You know out of everyone I know about moving.

I know, but, yeah, well,

you don't think that it's weird that they made you interview

-and everything from-- -They have to.

[both speaking over each other]

Enough!

Okay, fine.

How is it that this group is so elite,

that I didn't even hear about them

when I was looking into this town?

You're not a mom.

-And? -I mean,

who else is going to decorate the nursery with me, James?

Okay.

What gives this head woman, though?

What's her name?

What gives her the right to be bossing you and everyone around?

Her name is Trish Barton.

She's 29,

with three kids, and she's raising them

to become vegetarian athletes slash musicians.

She basically built ECMA.

ECMA?

Elk Creek Mothers' Association, James?

It just really sounds like eczema.

When you put it like that.

Look, it's this social status thing,

and I'm not getting it, I guess.

It's weird because I, you know, I didn't think that we cared

about that sort of stuff.

I know what I'm doing.

Okay. I trust you.

You better.

Oh. I better?

[soft music continues]

[gentle music]

[phone dialing]

Hey. So I'm kind of bleeding.

Yeah, but I--

But I still am.

And we had sex last night.

Okay. All right.

Thanks.

I love you.

[phone clacks]

[insects buzzing]

I need help.

-Help me. -[dramatic music]

Oh. Hi, Lila.

Come meet everyone.

Hello. Where did you come from?

[Lila] Oh. Just out.

No. Sorry, hun.

She means, where did you come from?

Lila here has lived

all over the country, but she just moved in from Michigan.

Wouldn't you know? She's at that house on Collingwood.

That house is just made for kids.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm only thinking about one so far, but maybe--

Oh! I almost forgot.

We have to get a photo of this moment.

Okay loves, to celebrate this moment,

everyone say,

kombucha.

-[all in unison] Kombucha! -[camera shutters]

So, have I met your hubby yet?

What's his name?

I don't know. His name is James.

Do you have any names picked out?

Right now, I'm really thinking about Madeline for a girl.

Oh, my God, Madeline. So pretty.

-What if it's a boy? -Don't jinx it.

Well, no matter what,

you won't have to worry.

All of us will help you through the whole thing.

We'll come over, set everything up.

Stay over if we have to.

You'll be fine.

[Lila] Oh. For the? Yeah.

I don't know if we're going to be doing it at home.

Trish hasn't talked to you about that?

-No. -Oh.

[Amelia] We always have

home birth parties in a little group.

We found that it really helps the baby feel truly

part of the community.

Otherwise, we just worry

she might grow up

feeling like she's different.

You know?

I, I just mean because you're new here and all.

But I think if everything goes well,

I mean, between you and your husband, your baby

is going to be just so, so beautiful.

But how do you know my--

Oh, I hard stalked both of you on Facebook.

But I thought you said--

And he works at the hospital, right?

So I totally understand where your head's at.

I was just thinking

it'd be a shame if you put chemicals in

both of your bodies. Like your baby

probably wouldn't want that.

[Lila] And when will I get to meet

your little angels?

[Amelia] You'll know when it's time.

-[balloon pops] -[shrieks]

-Don't worry! -That's no good, Olivia.

They have to be even.

[dramatic music]

Come on.

Let's get moving everyone.

[Lila] I need help!

I need help!

-Hi. -Hi.

It's Layla, right?

Yeah. Hi.

Have we met?

Yeah, we have. In here, waiting for the interview.

And we heard about your acceptance into the association.

And we just want to say congrats, girl.

Thank you so much. That's so nice.

Yeah, right after moving here too.

That is so amazing.

Oh, well. Thank you.

I hope you guys don't hate me now.

[all laughing]

Anyway,

we'll leave you alone now, but we'll see you around, okay?

We just finished our assigned time slot

upstairs, so, you know, got to make room.

-Assigned? -Yeah.

You know, it's like her self-care ritual

not to have too many people in her space at once.

Right. Great.

-See ya. -Bye.

-Bye. -Bye.

Hey, Layla, There you are.

We're all upstairs doing the transaction stuff, actually.

-Okay. -You feeling okay?

Yeah, I'm just a little tired.

When are you due?

Just another seven months.

Yeah. I was going to say. You're already glowing though.

Thank you.

So are you.

I guess I'm just a little stressed

you know?

I just had kind of a weird encounter.

Really?

You know your gossip is safe with me, right?

So I ran into

these two ladies and I knew them.

I had seen them at an interview

for this,

and they wanted nothing to do with me.

But now they were suddenly acting like we're best friends.

[scoffs] Oh.

It was definitely fake.

You think?

I'm sure they're both totally

burning with jealousy for you.

But you don't have to worry about that

because they're never going to let it show,

cause they're never going

to ruin their chances of getting in.

Wow. It's really that serious, huh?

ECMA is kinda

like being royalty for all the moms here.

Seriously,

it's pathetic.

But most moms would give up their firstborn

for a spot with us.

Honestly.

She's on the list.

Is that why there's no kids around here with them?

[people chatting indistinctly]

Okay.

Should I be worried then?

Lock my windows at night?

Don't worry.

The only way you'd lose your spot is

if you got kicked out for some reason.

But, you know, as long as you

continue to contribute. And,

take all of Trish's suggestions.

If there's anything else I can do,

-just let me know. -Sure.

I mean,

we take a lot of photos for social media,

so maybe just put a little more effort into your makeup

every day. And your hair.

You know, before Trish says anything.

It'll show her that you're really happy

to be here.

I understand.

Did you all receive the marketing plan

I sent last night?

I also hope you received

the vegan recipe instructions I sent?

-I'm so sorry. -Mh-hm?

I'll go make new ones.

Okay. These tables aren't for leaning on, okay?

We already don't want any kids crawling

all over them.

[gentle music]

[James] Baby?

What's wrong?

Why are you still sitting here?

I might throw up, too.

You're stressed.

I think there's something wrong with the baby.

No there isn't.

Look, this, this happens at this stage.

I just really think you've been killing yourself lately

over that interview and over doing other people's bidding.

For what? To impress those rude bitches?

It's not that.

This all started right after they took you in.

So? That doesn't mean anything.

I just don't like the way they've been talking to you.

I've worked many high stress jobs,

and I've never felt this exhausted.

Okay, I'm gonna say it.

I know you're not going to like it,

but that mom group really behaves like a cult.

You've already told me that.

It's still just as fucking ridiculous.

You can't say that you don't see it.

What kind of a mom group never has any kids around?

Why haven't you seen any kids?

Everything that you've told me

about them, it just weirds me out, okay?

They're just self celebrating and,

and you.

What are you doing this for? For the honor of it?

Because how else is my kid gonna fit in in a town

like this one, James?

How is she going to have a normal life?

No, no.

Now you're just projecting your own traumas onto our child.

Don't do that.

Our kids are going to look

and fit in just fine.

You know they will.

Easy for you to say.

How about this?

How would you feel about just pausing the job search?

Just for a bit?

Okay? Just to reduce some of your stress.

At least until I can get you in for an ultrasound.

I don't know.

Does ultrasound liquid

have chemicals in it?

I'll call you if it gets worse.

-Okay? -Why not go in?

Why wait?

Don't tell me they've convinced--

I do want an ultrasound.

It's just...

It's just. This is all just...

Too much. What if...

Okay.

Then you need to stop the job search.

Something's got to give.

Okay? You're going to be on mat-leave soon enough.

And you know that I can support us both.

You can't keep putting all of this

pressure on yourself.

There has to be a limit.

[gentle music]

[Amelia] How you doing?

How's she doing?

Are you giving little Madeline enough to eat?

I wonder which one of us is

going to get to be the godmother?

[dramatic music]

You're giving us a lot of attitude, Lila,

but I'm confused.

It's not exactly the kind

you said you would in your interview.

[dramatic music continues]

[eerie music]

[Lila groaning]

[phone dialing]

[phone clacks]

-[dramatic music] -[phone dialing]

Hi, is this Amelia?

Sorry, it's Lila. Yeah.

I was just calling to ask if you might have a moment

to give me a ride to--

Oh. Right.

Right.

Sorry.

No, no, no, no, it's nothing urgent.

I'll wait till James,

till James gets home.

It'll be great.

Okay. See you soon.

-[phone clacks] -[Lila groaning]

[door thuds]

[footsteps clomping]

[James] What the fuck is this?

Is this what's been going on?

This is what you've been doing during the day?

Now I understand why you've been so fucking sick!

What kind of mother are you?

Christ.

[Lila] James,

I'm bleeding really bad.

Please,

I need to go to the hospital.

No, I don't think you do.

[Lila indistinctly]

You're the one that said you care

about your reputation here so much.

What will they say?

They'll say you're a fucking drunk.

-No. Get off! -Won't they? Get up!

Get off of me!

-[eerie music] -[whispers] So much blood.

-[Lila indistinctly] -[James grunting]

Oh, shit.

Shut up, you're drunk. I'm not letting you kill anybody else.

[Lila] Oh, no!

[Lila groaning]

[James] Get back in the tub. Get back in the tub.

[Lila screaming]

-[Lila] Get off of me! -[James] Stop kicking!

-Just calm down. -This isn't your specialty.

You don't know what you're doing!

I'm just going to take a look up there.

-Stop it! No, no! -I'll just take a little look.

No!

-[Lila] Get out of me! -[James] Hey!

Stop kicking.

[Lila whines]

What kind of mother are you?

Why don't you do something?

[Schuester] As long as she's diligent with the antibiotics,

and she doesn't put too much strain on herself.

[James] How long do you think?

[Schuester] Probably eight weeks, at least.

And please, absolutely no sex at all.

Hey. Sweetheart.

How are you doing?

What?

What's happening?

We got back from the hospital last night.

-Remember? -Hospital?

We didn't go to the hospital.

Yeah, we did.

I'm sorry.

We were in the bathtub.

What happened?

No, no. You were, you were having fever dreams.

You were talking in your sleep like crazy.

My love. There was a complication.

[James] You're on a lot of pain medication right now, okay?

So I totally understand

if you don't know what's going on.

[Schuester] Hi, there.

I'm Doctor Schuester.

I work in the gynecology department

at your husband's hospital.

Hope it's okay I'm here.

He let me know about your situation.

And he just wanted me to come for a quick appointment

-to check up on you. -Why?

Well, he thought I'd be better equipped

to talk you through what you're experiencing.

I'm here to help.

-I'm like a doula, but-- -I lost it. Right?

[sobs] Oh, my God.

It's because of where your fetus was, Lila.

I'm so sorry.

Do you know what an ectopic pregnancy is?

Well, the word ectopic

essentially means that something is in the wrong place.

And so your fetus had gotten

stuck growing in there

in the wrong spot.

It broke your tube and

I'm so sorry to say

that they had to remove it.

I still have the other tube.

Well, your tubal pregnancy had gotten

untreated for so long,

so you were bleeding

for a really long time.

Your uterus sadly

became open to infection.

So they found some significant damage.

I'm so sorry.

-I really, really am. -No, that's not what happened.

This is bullshit.

Take me back there.

I want to get a real opinion.

I need a real one.

I know.

This can be really hard

-to get through. -I don't understand.

I don't understand.

James?

[footsteps clomping]

[gentle music]

[James] She's my wife. Hey, hey. It's okay.

It's okay.

[James] Hey love.

Thanks.

How are you feeling?

A little better.

A little clearer.

Hey. I'm scared too.

Okay? I'm just as confused.

[whispers] I know.

I think I want to move back home.

You can't be serious.

I want to be with my family.

I've been thinking

I should swallow my pride

and just reach out.

I know you miss them.

Okay? I know you do.

But is that really a good idea right now?

I mean, aren't they just going to use this

to shame us even more for moving in the first place?

I don't think we need that right now.

No, they would be here for me.

They would have been there for my baby.

If they just knew about her.

They should be more supportive of you.

Okay? Especially seeing as how much

they made you move around as a kid.

I mean, Jesus Christ.

They haven't even called you.

I didn't know.

I didn't know what I said was that bad.

[James] We wait a little bit.

Okay? Until you're feeling a little bit better

and you're able to handle things

a little bit better, and we will sit down

and we'll write an email up.

We'll write an email to them, and we'll work on it together.

I'm just not ever gonna fit in here, James.

Especially not now.

I thought you might say that.

And so I called Trish,

and I asked if you could stay in the group.

Wait, what?

Why the hell would you do that?

I thought you'd appreciate it.

Look, this is the first time in your life

where you've really been able to make friends.

Wow.

You know I don't mean that as an attack.

I just....

We, you know, you have actually been somewhere

long enough to to grow some friendships.

But obviously, I'm not going to be allowed

in the group for mothers anymore.

Do you understand?

This is so fucking embarrassing.

I thought you'd be more embarrassed

if you did it yourself.

Why should I be embarrassed?

Because this is all my fault?

-No, I never said-- -But, is it my fault?

For taking on too much stress?

For trying to get a job and a social life?

Maybe I'm just afraid that that's what your family

-would say. -Really?

What about my drinking, then?

What do you think they would say about that?

Drinking? You weren't drinking.

[eerie music]

What are you--

I don't like what you're doing right now.

[scoffs] I'm on your side.

Against who?

I'm on your side.

[footsteps clomping]

[soft music]

[phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

[Lila] Hello?

Oh, hi.

Yes. Of course.

Where should I--

Over here's fine.

[footsteps clomping]

[Trish] Lila?

We all wanted to apologize to you.

We talked about it

just this morning, and we've all been kind of tough.

We were asking

for a bunch right away,

and we really didn't know

what was going on with you.

I really wish you would have told me.

I didn't really know what was happening to me either.

Do remember we are a support group,

and I got a call from your husband

about your status in the association.

Oh, we talked about that as well.

and we all feel that we would like

to give you another way to get involved,

since you didn't really get a proper chance.

And we came up with a compromise

that could be good if you accept it,

but only if you feel ready.

-What kind of compromise? -[kettle whistling]

You probably know that we have that official page,

and I like to keep it active.

You know, with engagement and everything

just in between the pictures I put up.

I post easy stuff,

you know, parenting articles

and funny quotes about being a mom and all that.

To keep proving that you're the authority on

motherhood.

[kettle whistling winds down]

[Lila] Sorry.

I'm still not all there.

Well,

if you do feel like you can handle it,

I really wouldn't mind that job being taken off my back.

And it could be perfect for your situation.

Since you're homebound at the moment. Right?

Right.

I mean, since it's

all online and you'll be posting under the group

name, it'll be like any one of us is posting,

so no one will know who you are and that you're...

Not pregnant anymore?

[keyboard clacking]

[Jacob] Hey, this is Jacob

from Parent Helps, and this is for the parents

that are past diaper changes. But I'm here to ask,

-have you thought of a-- -[mouse clicks]

[James] I was daydreaming about this all day.

[James] Had this patient, they just--

This all looks amazing. but no thank you.

-Thanks. -[James] Why?

You can drink it now.

[liquid pours]

What is this?

I wanted to make sure that

everything was okay between us.

Things have been

challenging lately.

I thought maybe we could do something together tonight.

Catch up on some old shows?

I'm still really tired.

I think I just want to finish my book.

Okay.

That's fine.

How about this?

How about

we go upstairs?

You can lay down.

You can read your book.

I'll give you one of my famous

back massages.

You know I can't have sex right now.

Seriously?

I'm not stupid enough to think

that you can actually do that yet.

I was trying to be gentle

with my tone, because I know that you've been

misunderstanding me

a lot lately.

What did you mean when you said

I could drink the wine?

You said I could drink it now.

What did you mean?

Because you weren't drinking when you were pregnant.

No, it was more than that.

No, it wasn't.

I just thought that you more

than deserved a night of relaxation and

a little bit of wine.

That's it.

Okay, but I'm realizing now

how that must have affected you.

So I'm sorry.

This change has been tough

on both of us.

Okay?

Now, do you want to

complain about your day, or should I complain about mine?

Because I can certainly do that.

I did a little bit of that

social media stuff for the group.

Yeah? How'd that go?

Just kind of boring.

You're recovering from surgery,

I don't understand why they're expecting so much out of you.

It's not for them.

I told you it's for me.

You were the one who called Trish.

You were.

I didn't think that they were going to actually take you in

right away.

Or at the very least,

I thought that maybe they would--

Keep including you in the newsletter or something.

I don't get it. It's, it's this dedication to the leader,

and it's nonstop attachment to anybody in the group

-or anybody who tries to-- -Stop, stop!

You're just like her.

You're just like her.

[keyboard clacking]

[ominous music]

[door clicks]

[door slams]

[James] Hey, honey.

How was your day?

[Lila] Not trying to fuck me, huh?

I found your fucking porn, James.

You knew I was going to be at the computer.

-Do you think I like that? -No.

No, that would be absolutely insane of me.

You're trying to leave me a message

showing me which young little unscarred

blondes you're going to be looking at

now that I'm not available anymore.

Jesus Christ, Lila.

Do not talk to me like that.

Excuse me? Don't talk to you like what?

I'm thinking about dinner.

And you're over here talking about porn?

Oh.

Is this grossing you out?

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Maybe you'll start to know how I feel.

Because that's exactly the stuff that did this to me.

What did you just say to me?

I think,

I think you should get used

to your porn, James,

because I don't want your jizz anywhere near me again.

Why would you say these things to me?

These fucking cruel things.

You were saying it was my fault.

You were saying it was all my fault.

-No, I didn't. -You were. You did.

You could have saved me on time.

-[James] You don't think-- -You could have known.

You said it was my fault.

You don't think that I feel guilty

for missing the signs?

Missed the signs?

You feel guilty because it was you.

It was your sperm that went up into me.

It was in me.

And it was ripping me

from the inside.

It was you.

[dramatic music]

Tell me you don't mean that.

Admit it.

-I won't. I won't! -Admit it!

You ripped me from the inside!

You were ripping me from the inside!

Sit the fuck down! What are you talking about?

Get away from me! No!

Sit the fuck down!

[body thuds]

And have some humanity

and think about what you're saying to me.

Why don't you have some humanity and tell me the truth?

That's really interesting, Lila.

Because you didn't seem to give a fuck about the truth

until just now.

You didn't seem to care how I felt

in any of this.

Oh, what is that supposed to mean?

You know what it means.

You keep talking about this drinking

when you were pregnant.

Like that was the reason.

Like that was the fucking reason.

Why do you fucking do this, Lila?

What are you doing to me, Lila?

It's like you're saying these things

just to fucking deliberately set me off!

I don't know what you're talking about.

You know what?

This is abusive behaviour.

You've been verbally fucking abusing me,

and I'm not going to stand for it anymore.

[whispers] Baby.

I want to ask you a question.

Listen. Listen to me.

Did you do something that night?

It's okay. You can tell me.

I won't tell anyone. I understand

if we didn't have time to go to the hospital.

I understand if we

didn't have time to go to the hospital.

I understand if you just tell me.

I need to know.

Just tell me.

You've been verbally fucking abusing me.

Shut up, James. Shut up!

See? This is what I'm talking about.

It's this right here.

You keep talking to me like this,

and I'm going to make sure that everybody knows

how you've been treating me.

I'm going to tell your friends.

I'm going to tell your family.

You won't have this house.

You won't even be able to adopt once they look into you.

[footsteps clomping]

-[door clicks] -[door slams]

[bed creaks]

[door clicks]

[Lila] Get out of me!

[Lila] Get out of me!

Stop, please!

Just leave me alone!

[James] It's you.

You're leaving me alone.

You've been leaving me alone.

[keyboard clacking]

-[mouse clicks] -[keyboard clacking]

[phone ringing]

-Hello? -[Lila] Doctor Schuester.

This is Lila.

I, I need to be hospitalized.

[Schuester] What's going on?

-Is it an emergency? -[Lila] No.

And please don't tell my husband.

[Schuester] What happened?

Are you okay?

[whispers] Something's wrong.

Something feels so wrong with me.

[Lila] I don't know. I've--

I'm sorry.

This was stupid.

[Schuester] Lila.

You can call me Aileen.

[Schuester] Have you been taking care of yourself

since our last visit?

Yes. I'm fine. I'm,

I'm being good.

[Schuester] I also mean for your emotional needs.

I have James. Of course.

How about friends and family?

[Lila] I can't.

They're angry.

-Angry? -[Lila] At me.

For moving so far away.

They said it's stupid.

So they called you stupid?

They called James stupid.

They called me selfish.

It got pretty nasty.

[Lila] But it's not like they even knew I was expecting.

Oh, that's not fair to you.

[Lila] What if it is, though?

Like, my parents did everything they could for me.

They changed jobs so many times

so they could eventually give me a good life.

[Lila] For me to move so far away

to a whole other state than them?

and to start my family without them?

You have James, but I worry...

[Schuester] That he might not be

in a position to support you as much as you need.

What I mean by that is that...

I've run into him

a few times at the hospital, and I've noticed that

he seems to be quite drained.

[Lila] Well,

it was his baby too, obviously.

-Of course, I know that it was. -[Lila] So...

You work with my husband, you said?

[Schuester] No, not at all.

We've only spoken

for a little bit.

I told him what I do, though.

Because he mentioned that he

used to be in gynecology and all.

What?

[Schuester] I said that he used to be in

gynecology?

[Lila] What do you mean?

Well, he knew to track me down.

James has never worked in gynecology.

[Schuester] Oh, well...

Yes. I mean, he has.

James has always been a nephrologist.

What are you saying?

[Schuester] I'm sorry.

I shouldn't be confusing you more

while you're on your medication.

Now, I do have to go.

[Lila] Doctor Schuester?

I have an appointment.

But please.

[Schuester] Do call 911

if you have any serious side effects.

You can't be serious.

[phone clacks]

[footsteps clomping]

[James] Hey love.

How you feeling today?

[soft music]

[cabinet clicks]

[Lila] Thanks for coming back to see me.

I wasn't sure.

Did you say you were the one who operated on me?

Oh, no. No.

I don't do that.

I do more of the consulting, the aftercare

talk with patients who need it, and such.

Which is why your husband approached me.

But do you have any records

from my surgery?

Well, no.

It's all confidential to you, hun.

But none of the hospitals I

called have been able to find any records

for me either.

So you just trusted James

that I went into surgery and all?

You just trusted his word on that.

Of course I did.

Why are you asking me these things?

Because I wanted to ask you about my surgery.

What about it?

But if you're not a surgeon, would you know?

Would you know if it's possible?

Is it possible?

Is it possible that his sperm is still inside of me?

What do you mean?

Is it possible that

it's still up there somehow?

And he's still

messing with me?

-Messing with my insides? -No.

Of course not, Lila.

It's not the sperm that hurt you after all.

Because something is still hurting.

Something is still wrong.

It just feels so wrong.

You have no family

history of feeling wrong.

-[Lila] What? -[dramatic music]

Think of it as sort of a game

of Whac-A-Mole.

A baby'll pop up for you real soon.

I don't understand.

It's just anxiety.

This is a very stressful thing you just went through.

If you don't want to hear

from my expertise, Lila,

then why did you call me?

Because you told me to sleep.

[Lila] Because I can't come talk to you for real.

All I can do is have these dreams.

These fucking fever dreams.

I can't get out!

[soft music]

[phone ringing]

[phone dialing]

Hi, Lila.

It's Trish.

[Trish] I just wanted to call you up

and see how you were doing.

Yeah. Good. Okay.

I also wanted to let you know

you've been doing a really great job on the page.

I noticed you haven't really been posting that much,

but I totally understand.

[Lila] I can try to look for more--

No, listen, if it's too much right now,

if you're too overwhelmed right now,

you can just forget about it.

[Trish] It's fine. Just rest.

No, don't say that, please.

[Lila] It's not too much.

[Trish] Are you sure?

[Lila] No, I'm the same.

I'm just stuck in here without all of you.

I miss you guys.

Oh, well, we miss you too, of course.

You know, if it helps.

Everyone's been responding so well

to what you've put up so far.

[Lila] Yeah, I can see in the comments.

No! Babe, can you go grab him?

He's on the thing again. [chuckles]

-[child yelling] -So sorry.

Anyway,

I also wanted to tell you

there's this one Pinterest account I found that you can

totally take some more easy content from.

Yeah. Yeah. They have really cute quotes

about motherhood, tips and stuff.

You know?

[Trish] Some relatable memes and things.

I'll just send you the link. Okay?

[Lila] Sounds great.

Anyway,

is there anything else I can do to help you

while you're stuck in there and everything?

Do you want me to come around and bring you anything?

Some groceries?

Oh, Olivia and I made cranberry bread,

and we could totally come around with some.

-[Rick] Got you! -[child giggling]

Rick?

Oh. What are you two doing over there?

You're so dumb, I swear to God.

[Trish laughing]

[insects buzzing]

[Lila] What are those two rascals up to now?

[gentle music]

[door clicks]

[door shuts]

[somber music]

[ominous music]

[throbbing whirr sounds]

[dramatic music]

Push.

Come on, girl, you can do it!

You're almost there!

Yes, girl!

Yes, girl! Yes!

[Kate] Shame she won't be able to sing to her baby.

Actually, I've heard they can sew your lips back tight together

nowadays.

[Lila groaning]

But the scars though.

[Olivia] So sad.

-She'll look like the joker. -[all laughing]

[Amelia] That's what happens when your lady organs

are too messed up--

[Lila groaning]

[stovetop clicks]

Hey.

What's up?

Are you full already?

What? Oh.

[Lila mumbles]

Hey, are you all right?

What's up?

I haven't been here for you.

I'm not here.

Hey, you think you're ready

to talk about it?

What if it was my fault?

[gentle music]

What?

Losing our baby.

Why do you say that?

Tell me.

Because...

Because what if I did?

-Don't tell me you were-- -No, I didn't need to

be drinking.

Or do anything drastic like that.

All I needed to do...

All I needed to

do was to be insecure.

So insecure.

I just wanted my kid to have what I couldn't.

To stay in

one stable place her whole life.

So she did.

And what if I wanted it too hard?

So she did it.

She got stuck in just one place.

In me.

Because of me.

For her whole life.

Because of me.

[somber music]

I messed up too.

I should have taken you in.

When I knew you needed it.

For an ultrasound

and to the hospital

sooner. Okay?

I was embarrassed.

It was me who was embarrassed in all of this.

I was afraid that I was going to look like less of a doctor.

None of that matters now, okay?

Because...

I mean, the type of miscarriage you had.

There was nothing we could do.

There was no preventing it.

You understand that, right?

There's nothing we could do.

It's fine because you got your surgery.

Okay? You got it.

And now you're recovering.

And now we can,

we can forgive each other

for how we handled this.

-[mouse clicks] -[computer chimes]

[keyboard clacking]

[gentle music]

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

You're getting so big.

How did you get so big?

[door knocking]

[door knocking]

[door knocking]

[door knocking]

Oh, hi.

You came anyway. [chuckles]

What's going on?

Can I come in?

Sure.

Come on in.

[door slams]

[footsteps clomping]

[Lila] Sit.

[Trish sighs]

So, I don't know if you've heard,

but a lot of women from the community received

a really nasty message this morning.

Oh?

No. What do you mean?

Lila, I came to ask you

if you were the one who sent it.

Why would you think it was me?

I'm just asking.

And why would you think that?

Because you misspelled Lillian's name.

And because I had a miscarriage

once, too.

Yeah.

I was pregnant once before Noah.

And no one in the world knows about it.

Except for my husband and my doctor.

I didn't come for your pity either.

I know how you really feel about me.

I bet you really hate me right

now, don't you?

I was majorly depressed

for a full six months after it happened, I think.

But I wasn't so depressed

that I couldn't feel angry, too.

I know there's this huge drop

in endorphins after it happened, but at the time,

I didn't understand what the fuck was happening to me.

I hated every pregnant woman I saw,

seriously.

And all moms.

I was having so many

thoughts.

And I was so, so ashamed.

[somber music]

I thought about it.

And maybe having you do the admin

wasn't the best idea.

I'm sorry you didn't

feel like you could tell me.

I have no one else.

Except James, of course.

[somber music continues]

Okay, how about we agree to something then?

I can keep your secret.

If you can keep mine.

Fuck, Trish.

I mean, I'm still going to kick you out of the group,

but you'll be welcome to all of our social events.

And you should bring your husband, too,

because having mine around was really helpful.

Will I have to pretend to be pregnant?

No. That would be cruel and really weird.

Everybody already knows about your situation.

Just think about it.

I'm having my summer bake sale on Sunday

and everyone will be there.

And I'm sure they'd all really appreciate

hanging out with someone who isn't a mother for once.

How can you be sure?

Because they're all snorting Adderall half the time anyway.

How else do you think they stay so chipper

with 18 kids?

You won't be needing the bathroom

a lot, will you?

No.

But I still shouldn't be walking around too much.

Luckily, I own chairs.

[chuckles]

[computer chimes]

[soft music]

[gentle music continues]

-Hi. -[women] Hi. Hi, Lila.

There's so much.

[phone chimes]

[dramatic music]

[insects buzzing]

[Trish] Hey there.

So glad you could make it.

Oh, hi.

Well, come on over, silly.

Kate and I are just decorating one of the cakes.

Now, we're still sort of setting up, so.

Close the door behind you.

[soft music]

Oh, Lila, you first met Kate

at the interview, correct?

Yeah. We've spoken.

It's so amazing to see you again.

How are you feeling?

I'm all right.

I'm so happy to hear it.

If you need anything, I got you.

Okay?

So where's your hubby, Lila?

I still haven't met him.

Did you invite him to come?

He's busy.

-[Trish] Oh. That's too bad. -[insects buzzing]

He's a really busy dude, huh?

Yeah.

Oh, this might have been too much too fast.

Lila,

there's something else I wanted to ask you.

[insects buzzing]

Is there a reason you didn't invite your husband

to come today?

I didn't tell him where I am.

[Kate] Oh, no.

Okay.

You know, if there is something going on

at the house, you can tell us, you know.

You know, that's part of what we do.

We're all here to help one another.

Don't take this the wrong way, but you have been looking

more exhausted every time I see you.

I haven't been sleeping.

I can't let him get me sleeping.

Can you, please just stay over there?

She's fine. She's just recovering from surgery.

Just give her some space.

I keep having these dreams,

-these dreams that I-- -[Lila laughs]

I don't know if they're dreams--

Lila, has James hurt you?

I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know.

[Trish] I don't...

I don't want to get anything

in your head or anything.

But when he called me,

he just sort of gave me a weird vibe

because he kept insisting that

you were still totally fertile.

At first, I thought he was just trying

to keep you in the group.

Fertile?

In my head.

He's been in my head.

He's been in my head all this time.

He has been, he's been in my head.

What makes you say that?

What do you mean, "In your head"?

Look.

You don't have to answer everything right away.

You've already said so much.

You've been so, so brave.

I don't know about this, Trish.

Are you all right?

Well. No.

She needs a break.

This is giving me so much anxiety.

-I don't-- -[Trish] It's okay.

You're right.

Sweetie.

We can take this as slow as you want.

Okay?

Come on, let's get you some cake.

I think you can treat yourself.

Or we have plenty of other options, if you prefer.

You can have whatever you like.

Look over there.

Maria brought Ginger cookies.

Do you like those?

[Kate] Yeah.

And Stephanie brought Madeleines.

I remember I heard you say you like these.

[dramatic music]

-[items clatter] -[women scream]

[Lila] I need help.

I need help.

[somber music]

[somber music continues]