Original subtitles

We never have the pleasure of your company this early. Hey, Debbie. I had a

cancellation. Oh, well, you're in luck, because... I finally got off the waiting

list for the disco-tie-boat class?

No, but your wife is here.

Oh. Hope's here? Great. Seriously, where am I on that list?

Charlie! My adoring and loyal husband!

Pretend I'm your wife, or I will crack your ribs!

Isn't it corny? Still so in love after all these years?

Oh, Faith!

You hurt my back.

Now I have to do push-ups girl style.

Shh! Charlie, call me Hope.

Why?

Because, Rambo, I'm using her gym membership.

The one I gave her for her birthday?

Newsflash, she didn't like it. She said she loves coming to the gym. Oh, come

on, Charlie.

You've felt Hope's ass. Surely you've had your suspicions.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with the junk in Hope's badonkadonk.

Listen, badorkadork.

The point is, you always give Hope terrible gifts, and she doesn't want to

hurt your feelings, so pretend like you don't know, okay?

Your disco time-out class is starting. Hey, how'd you get off the waiting list?

I gave her this really ridiculous umbrella hat.

Hope didn't like the umbrella hat?

I sent away for that.

You and me.

Oh, come on, Mom. Chinese food again?

Sydney, we are honored to have the first violinist of the Beijing Orchestra

staying with us. Besides, you'll like it this time. I remembered to take the eyes

out of the fish.

She's upstairs practicing. She's got some big audition with Yo Mama.

It's Yo Yo Ma.

Really? Because yo yo, I don't give a crap.

Hey, Sydney, that is not very nice.

Look, Mom, she's really sweet, but she takes that violin everywhere she goes,

and she barely speaks any English.

I've been teaching her a few words.

Yeah, well, so far all she can say is yes, and do you know Brad Pitt?

Ylon, I made bean shoots and curd cubes. Yes.

No, Ylon, say, mmm, yummy.

Mmm, yummy.

Oh, well, thank you, Ylon.

I have been working out.

So, uh, what movie you want to see tonight?

I don't know. Why don't you pick? Oh, no.

You pick. I might pick something you don't like, and then I don't know what I

do. Next thing you know, the girl at the gym has a new umbrella hat.

What? Nothing.

Hello,

Wylon.

Aren't I the most beautiful girl in the planet?

Yes. Are you being honest?

Yes. Do you want Faith to shut up? Yes.

It's Friday night. What movie are we going to go see?

Oh, I have to work late tonight. In fact, you know what? I better go right

now. Work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work.

Well, it looks like it's just you and me, kiddo.

Actually, I have my knitting club tonight.

I thought you quit knitting club. No, no, no, no. You quit knitting club. I

was suspended six months for your behavior. Oh, come on, Hope.

Janice had to know it was coming. I yelled sword fight.

Anyway, that's where I'll be, and I need you to watch the kids.

Oh, that reminds me.

Weilong, would you like to go to the zoo tomorrow?

There's visiting pandas from China.

The zoo?

The zoo?

I

don't

know, Charlie.

I feel kind of guilty about lying to Faith.

It's the only way we can get any time alone, honey. The last movie we saw

without Faith was Seabiscuit. And that's only because she thought I had sharks in

it.

Debbie, look at that cute guy in the blue sweater over there.

He smiled at me. Oh, I know him from the gym. Is he single? No, he's married.

The other good thing about us being all alone is we can do this.

Look at that.

Isn't it sweet he loves his wife so much?

Uh, yeah, except that's not his wife.

Great, so I still have a shot.

Mrs. Shanowski!

Where? I mean, here. I mean, hi, Debbie.

Can I have a word with you?

Look, if this is about the situation in the steam room, I don't see why you

can't tell a woman of a certain age that she needs a second towel.

No, no, it's not about that. Look, my ex-husband had an affair, and I only

wish somebody had told me.

Okay, Oprah, 20 words or less, disco table.

I saw Dr.

Shnowski at the movies last night kissing another woman.

No, Charlie was working last night. I wouldn't tell you if I wasn't certain.

Really?

At the movies?

Tell me, what did this other woman look like?

She was tall, blonde, beautiful, thin.

Did you say thin?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, my God, Charlie's having an affair.

Hope is going to be devastated.

I mean...

I always refer to myself in the third person when I'm about to be devastated.

And Hope is really upset.

Hope has to go.

Hope thanks you for your candor.

Bye-bye, says Hope.

Hope!

Hope! What are you yelling about, Faith?

Me? Nothing.

Where's Hope? You haven't done away with her.

Hope's at the zoo with Wylon.

Good.

I'll give us a... Chance to chat.

So, seen any good movies lately?

Not since Seabiscuit. Oh, you should have seen Tobey Maguire ride that shark.

Scary.

Yeah, I guess who has time for movies when you're working late? Come to think

about it, you've been working late a lot lately.

So?

So that's pretty good for, you know, a man your age, wouldn't you say?

I have to go.

Change for work. Oh, so now we work on Saturdays too, do we?

Wow. You're a real animal.

Okay.

Hope.

Dear Hope.

How are you?

Great. We had a wonderful time at the zoo, didn't we, Wailon?

Yes. A monkey threw mud at me.

That wasn't mud.

Awesome.

Wailan, I have another big surprise for you later.

Yes, a surprise later.

Brenda Pitts?

It's bigger than that.

Mom rented a Chinese movie with English subtitles.

All right, then. Everyone upstairs, you have homework.

Wailan has to practice.

I kind of have a random question to ask you that has nothing to do with you or

anybody you know and really isn't even that interesting.

I'm on the edge of my seat.

So there's this situation on my soap.

See, this one character has a sister whose husband is cheating on her and she

doesn't know if she should tell her sister. What would you do?

Well, if it were me... It's not you, my god woman, you're paranoid.

As I was saying, if it were me, I would want that person to be... absolutely

sure before they told me.

Good point.

Well, I have to go to the office. I might be late, honey.

All right, I'll see you when you get home.

You know, Hope, even though the odds on women over 40 getting remarried aren't

that good, you'll beat them.

Because you got great junk in your badunkadunk.

Well, this is beautiful, and it's in your price range.

Yeah, yeah, I don't seem to get my wife very good gifts.

So this time I want something really special.

Hey, can I ask you something?

What would you think if your husband gave you a gym membership?

Maybe we should go right to the more expensive stuff.

Wow.

That's beautiful.

You know, um...

You have the same coloring as my wife. Would you mind modeling it? Me?

I'd love to.

Thank you.

Wow.

I'm going to surprise my wife this afternoon.

That is so romantic.

No, not only that. I've planned this whole romantic rendezvous at the Glen

Falls guest suites. Oh.

I'm even sending a limo for her.

All the good men are taken. How about throwing a watch in?

I'll probably never find someone who'd do all that for me.

Oh, I'm sure there's some men out there just waiting to meet someone as lovely

as you.

Oh, you're sweet.

I have something to tell you, and I'm going to put it as gently as I can.

Charlie's boinking some blonde bimbo behind your back.

What are you talking about?

Debbie from the gym saw him last night with a tall, thin, beautiful woman.

That was me.

Hope, Debbie is a personal trainer. She does not toss the word thin around

lightly.

No, Faith.

I was at the movies with Charlie.

We lied about having something else to do so we could...

Have a night out by ourselves.

And I assume by ourselves didn't include me?

That would be a safe assumption.

Fine. I'll make you feel guilty about that later. But that doesn't explain why

I just saw Charlie at the jewelry store buying a necklace for some hot blonde

babe.

Well, maybe he was buying it for me.

And she was just trying it on for him. And maybe I'm Queen Tata Crap Island.

No, this is Mrs. Shanowski.

Yes, I guess that's right.

Bye, then.

Who was that?

The flower store.

Double-checking that the roses Charlie sent were to be delivered to the Glen

Falls Guest Suites and not his billing address.

See?

He's taking his hoochie mama to one of those Glen Suite love nests.

Now, come on. We gotta get over there and put a stop to them before they

figure out the sheets in that place give you major rub burns.

I've heard. Let's go.

I'm not going anywhere.

Come on, Hope. Aren't you a little suspicious?

Huh? The hotel room, the necklace, the flowers.

You've got to... I've had her all day, small fry.

Are you Hope Chinowski?

Hope Chinowski.

Yes.

This is for you.

Come with me, please.

Your husband has a surprise for you.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Could you tell us what room Dr. Charles Chynowski is in, please?

I'm sorry, we can't give out that information.

This is Dr.

Chynowski's wife.

You can ring Dr.

Chynowski's room on a house phone. We can't do that. What if his girlfriend

answers?

You can either tell me or not tell me. Now, what's it going to be? Are you

going to tell me? No.

Okay, fine. So you're not going to tell me? Yes, that's correct.

Fine. Fine. If you won't tell me, perhaps you'll tell the father of our

great country, Sir Abraham Lincoln.

George Washington was the father of our country.

Fine. A bucket is then, but you don't drive a very hard bargain, do you, sir?

Do you?

Here we are, ma'am.

Dr. Shanowski has taken care of every detail, ma'am. He's even arranged for a

scented bath to be drawn for you. I hope you find that to your liking.

You are crazy.

Charlie and I have a wonderful marriage.

This is just another one of your screwed-up ideas.

And what about my idea for the information superhighway?

Okay, for the last time, the Internet was not your idea. I'll show you my

diary. It's got all the sketches.

There he is!

Is everything all right? Yes, your wife is upstairs enjoying her bath right now.

Great. Thanks so much.

There you go.

He is cheating.

Look, they stopped on the second floor. Come on, we'll knock on every door until

we find their room. If things get out of control, I know Disco Tybo.

Hope?

Room service.

Is someone to order an appetizer?

Room service.

Hey, it's my line.

Hope.

What are you doing here?

We're in town for the convention.

Oh. What do you think we're doing here? Shut up!

Because not only are you cheating on my sister, you had the gall to go to the

movies without me? How do you live with yourself?

I'm not cheating on Hope.

I sent a limo to the house to pick you up, honey, as a surprise.

Really? Yeah.

That's so sweet.

Oh, please, Hope, don't fall for it.

I sent a limo for you, but our visiting violinist from China got in instead.

That's like the oldest line in the book. Shut up, babe.

Hoylan, why don't you go in and put your clothes on?

Yes.

How could you think I'd have an affair?

I didn't think that.

Faith just got me so confused.

Hey, none of this would have happened if you two hadn't cheated on me.

Cheated? You went to the movies without me, and I just hoped that the cheap,

dirty thrill was worth it.

Okay, look.

The reason we lied about our date is because every time we try to go off on

our own, you get your feelings hurt. You sulk and make a hurt face.

There it is. There it is right there. See it? Oh!

But he could have just told me that.

You didn't have to lie.

I can take a hint.

We're sorry.

We apologize.

Apology accepted.

Charlie, this was so sweet.

I'm really sorry.

These strawberries are so juicy.

Uh, Faith?

I'm sorry, do you want one? No.

Some champagne? No.

Olive? Nuts? Little bottle of booze? Get out!

Fine.

I know when I'm not wanted.

I am out of here.

I think we forgot something.

You and me.

Don't go in there! Don't go in there! The guy with the gun just went in there.

Oh, God!

Oh, God.

See? In this fun, we can have our own little movie club. Just us girls.

You and me, while on faith.

Two young hot... Shut up!

You're so annoying!

I can't wait... I want to go back to China.

Wow. Your English is getting pretty good.