Original subtitles

Mom, waffles? Can't we have oatmeal?

I don't want oatmeal. Mom, can we have pancakes?

I'll have an omelet. Egg whites only.

Mom, I thought you sewed this button back on. It's still dangling.

You heard me say omelet, right?

Hope, you didn't iron my blue shirt.

For heaven's sakes, woman, what do you do around here all day? Yeah.

What do I do around here all day?

Absolutely everything.

You people have no idea how lost you'd be without me.

You're right, Hope.

If only there was some way to get us all to appreciate you more.

And, at the same time, get me some exposure on national television.

What are you talking about?

Faith.

What did you do?

Faith.

Each week, from across America, two families are chosen.

This week, the Melvilles, rich, spoiled New Yorkers who live in a Park Avenue

penthouse.

Wife Cynthia is a pampered princess, and 16-year-old daughter Madison is an

unbelievable brat.

Husband Aaron is a workaholic who never spends time with his kids.

Living with them is Cynthia's sister Kathy.

In exchange for rent and board, Cynthia forces Kathy to do all the cooking,

cleaning, and childcare.

And the Shanowskis, a middle-class family from Glen Falls, Ohio.

Uptight stay-at-home mom Hope and her orthodontist husband Charlie were

raising three kids in an orderly home.

Until Hope's sister, a washed-up soap opera diva, moved in and demanded

everyone's lives revolve around her.

But now, each wife is about to get a new husband.

No! You idiot!

New children. I hate you!

A new sister.

Cynthia!

And a new life. Okay, okay, okay.

Hope Shanowski, an anal retentive homemaker, is leading her husband, kids,

and slightly unbalanced sister to trade lives with Cynthia Melville, a rich,

lazy New Yorker who treats her sister like a slave.

What do the women hope to gain from the swap? My family doesn't appreciate

anything I do for them.

For instance, well, I can't think of anything I do, but I haven't run off

with my trainer yet.

And believe me, I have been tempted.

I definitely like my family to appreciate me more.

Not that they don't not appreciate me.

I mean, do. Not do.

They do do.

Not do do.

Although they do do do.

Why did I want to do this? I didn't. Cynthia said I had to or else I could

just go live on the street.

Why am I excited about doing Life Swap?

Well, I think it will give me an opportunity to laugh and cry

and be surprised.

You know, really just express my whole broad range of emotion as an actress.

Play somebody real, which is a stretch for me.

After a thousand-mile trip, the wives get to see where they'll be living for

the next two weeks.

Wow.

Fancy.

Cynthia arrives in suburban Ohio, where there's no one to carry her bags.

Hope is thrilled with her New York penthouse. Look at these ceilings. What

is that, 50 feet high?

Cynthia, however, is not as thrilled.

What a dump.

This is funny.

Where's the real house?

And now it's the moment of truth. The two wives come face to face with their

new families.

Cynthia likes what she sees.

I'm Charlie.

Yum. I'm going to give your new wife a hug.

Oh, okay.

Oh, wow.

These are my kids.

Oh. Yeah. Hi.

I'm Sydney.

Hi, Sydney.

Hi, I'm Hayley. Hi, Hayley. And we... I'm Justin.

Hi, Justin.

Back at the Melvilles, Hope's reception isn't nearly as warm.

Hey, I'm Aaron. I'm Hope.

What's that?

I said, I'm Hope. Not you.

I'm on the phone.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Where are you from?

Hello?

I'm from Lincoln. No! You idiot!

I said sell!

Sell!

Adieu, adieu, adieu!

Cynthia!

I'm Faith Fairfield.

And this is for you.

And yes, this is my Emmy. And yes, it's real.

And no, you can't hold it.

But I want to hear all about you.

Now, how big a fan are you of mine? So far, not very big.

You're not intimidated by me.

I like that.

And America will like the fact that this Emmy award-winning actress is now

available for TV, film, and commercials.

But no feminine hygiene products.

Unless it's overseas.

Mi tampano es muy absorbiento.

I'm Kathy.

I'll unpack your bag.

Oh, no, no, that's not necessary. No, no, no, no, I insist. No, I have it. No,

I've got it. No, I can do it. I've got it. Oh,

look what I've done. My stupid, clumsy idiots.

Oh, gosh.

Oh, nice nightie.

Oh, thank you.

I was kidding.

This is lovely.

You're not an idiot.

Yes, I am. Trust me.

Back at the Shanowskis, it looks like Faith went to design school and got a

degree in tacky.

This is my room, which I decorated myself.

Now, my daily routine is I like to wake up around noon and then hope, well, now

you, gets to make my breakfast and clean my room and do all my laundry.

Then I like to go for a power walk, and you get to ride next to me in the car

with the windows rolled down and the radio on because headphones really mess

up my hair. You know, normal stuff.

Let me ask you a question. Do you rent this room out by the hour?

No.

How much do you think I could get?

Back at the Melville's, Hope is a little surprised to see how Kathy lives. This

is my room.

It's also the laundry slash pantry.

Well, that's good, then, in case you ever want to get a midnight snack.

Oh, that's not allowed.

So how long have you been living with your sister?

Ten years.

But I earn my keep by doing all the housework and the child care.

Does Cynthia ever get to spend much time with kids?

Oh, sure.

At least an hour a week.

Usually during her colonic. She likes to multitask.

I'd like to meet this Hope.

I mean, what kind of woman would cook and clean and take her kids to school?

Mommy, I'm hungry.

Oh. So, Brianna's your daughter? No, no, no. She's Cynthia's. I just gave birth

to her because Cynthia promised me a car.

But since it was a girl, she just got me a bike.

Ah. Hello there. Aren't you adorable?

So which one are you, Bradley or Brent?

Oh! Oh, oh. They all seem very nice.

I'm sure Bradley or Brent only hit me because he misses his mommy.

Even though she only sees her kids one hour a week when she's getting her

bowels flushed.

I'm not going to have to do that, am I?

I did find it a little odd that Cynthia makes her sister live in the pantry.

Slash laundry room.

I like my room.

It's warm and cozy.

Especially when the dryer's on.

Excuse me, I have to fold the towels.

And the sister?

I guess every village needs an idiot.

Cynthia and I had this instant connection.

I'm sure when this is all over, we're going to be best friends.

Forever and ever and ever.

And ever.

Coming up next, the wives live each other's lives by each other's rules.

Would you like me to massage your breasts as well? What? Oh, oh no.

99, 100.

Just get out, get out, get out!

She hit me.

Prim and proper housewife, Hope Shanowski.

Fabulous. Has traded lives with rich, obnoxious New Yorker, Cynthia Melville.

What a dump.

It's the first day of the swap, and Cynthia Melville has to get up at six,

make breakfast, and get the kids off to school. Where's our breakfast?

Right here.

And I don't know how you kids like your coffee, so I left it black.

That's how I take mine.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Uh, this isn't really how we do things around here. Well, the rule said to feed

the kids and get them off to school.

Well, what are we supposed to have for lunch?

Oh.

Nope.

Oh.

Here's your cab money.

Oh.

Best mom ever.

Charlie,

honey, let's go back to bed.

What? No, no, I'm up.

Did she say back to bed?

Because I wasn't in bed with her.

And in New York, Hope, an early riser, struggles to stay in bed until noon.

10.49.

This is ridiculous.

I'm getting up.

But she just can't bring herself to break the rules.

71 minutes, Hope.

You can do it.

Meanwhile, at the Shanowski household, the domestically challenged Cynthia must

deal with the former soap diva's demands.

Okay. Hand wash, cold water.

Hand wash, warm water.

and hand-washed hot water. Oh, and this isn't dirty, but it smells kind of

funny, so I thought maybe you could spray it with some perfume and then

twirl it around outside for a while.

You gotta be kidding me.

I wish I was.

Here, smell it.

Whoa! Whoa!

It's a very different world back at the Melvilles, where Hope gets pampered by

Cynthia's sister.

Would you like me to massage your breasts as well? What? Oh. Oh, no. No.

They're loose.

Way loose.

Well, not lose-lose.

Although I do have three kids, and I breastfed every one of them.

I breastfed all of Cynthia's kids, too.

In the afternoon, Cynthia must suffer through Faith's acting exercises. Well,

I do declare what a beautiful day it is outside.

Okay, give me another one.

Irish. Well, top of the morning to you. What a beautiful day it is outside.

That sounds southern to me.

Ah, to the untrained ear.

Give me another one.

Uh, Indian.

Well, tandoori morning.

What a beautiful day it is outside.

Are you guys getting this?

And Hope tries to stay awake during a late dinner with Aaron.

What's wrong?

Oh, I'm just tired. Not you.

Fine.

What were you saying?

Hello? Oh, me?

I was just saying that I'm tired.

See, at my house, 10 p.m. means jammies on. Speak up.

At my house, 10 p.m. means jammies on.

Is it good?

Hello? Oh, yes, it's good. It's very good.

Almonds, they're good.

It's good.

As the week progresses, tempers flare when Hope, desperate for something to

do, tries to pitch in with the housework, which is clearly Kathy's

domain. All done?

No, I got it. No, I got it. I have it. I have it. I have it. Okay.

It was just an accident.

Just get up! Get up! Get up!

Okay. Go!

Every single thing about this family is wrong.

They don't spend time together. They don't communicate.

And they treat Kathy like a slave.

Did you mop the kitchen floor?

No, just a little damp mop. But I didn't even use soap.

That doesn't count.

Why do you hate me so much?

Tensions are just as high at the Chanowskis, where Faith is driving

Cynthia crazy.

Cynthia!

Cynthia!

Give me the phone. No.

Cynthia! No!

Yes! You've been on it for almost a half an hour. I just painted my toes and

they're still wet. Could I get a refill?

Sure.

Oh,

sorry.

Sensing some hostility from Cynthia, and I really don't know where it's coming

from.

Wait a minute.

Of course.

She's jealous.

I'm a beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, sizzling, hot celebrity.

And she's a big nobody.

A nothing.

A no one.

You know, I'm going to go share this insight with her. I really think it'll

help clear the air.

Be right back.

She hit me.

Coming up next, the rules are about to change and everyone is at their breaking

point. That is it.

No!

I don't know how you put up with her.

That was really bad.

She's a selfish dingbat. I'm out of here.

The rules are about to change, and after a week living each other's lives, the

wives are ready to snap.

Cynthia!

Hope can't take it anymore and confronts Kathy.

Kathy. Yeah?

Can I ask you a question?

Do you ever feel like your sister takes advantage of you?

What do you mean?

Well, for example, you gave birth to her baby, and...

All you got was a bike.

It is a 10 speed.

Please don't do this.

Camera's right there.

Things go no better when she tries to connect with Cynthia's snotty daughter,

Madison. I like your sweater.

You do?

I do.

It's really nice, sparkly.

So if there's anything I can do, just...

Let me know.

Oh, actually, I lost my diaphragm, and I need you to take me to the gyno to get a

new one.

Your what?

My diaphragm.

It's a birth control device.

I know what it is.

Does your mother approve of you having a diaphragm? Oh, God, no. She wanted me to

go on the pill, but I didn't want to get bloated.

I see.

You're 16, right?

Right.

Right.

Back in Glen Falls, Cynthia has had all she can take from fame. That truck

didn't hit you. It clipped you.

I've had it with her.

I don't know how you put up with her.

She's a selfish dingbat.

And you know what? You can't do an accent to save your life.

What the hell I can't, Governor.

Put that on the barbie.

I hope you're getting this.

Okay, Charlie, let's get you out of those wet clothes.

What?

Those wet clothes.

The rules change tomorrow, and as far as Hope is concerned, it's not a moment too

soon.

I have followed all the rules, except I did do a little mopping, but without

soap.

I even bit my tongue while I watched all of you. You treat Kathy like a slave.

By the way, I saw that bike.

And I'm no math whiz, but I only counted five speeds.

However, it will be a cold day in H-E-double-L before I ever take a 16

-year-old girl to get a diaphragm.

That's a good point.

Thank you.

Not you.

See where the Nikkei opens and then take care of it.

Are you on the phone?

That is it!

No!

I can't wait for a rules change.

This family needs help, especially Kathy.

Sisters just shouldn't take advantage of each other.

I suppose some people might think Faith takes advantage of me, but that's only

because I let her.

So really, I'm taking advantage of myself, which is really kind of

empowering in a demeaning sort of way.

I'm just really scared that she's going to take over and do all the chores.

And then Aaron is going to tell Cynthia and Cynthia is going to get really mad.

This could be worse than the time I opened a new jelly when there was still

some old jelly left in the jar.

That was really bad.

Look, I'm not saying that it's my goal to make Faith cry.

Well, maybe it is.

I have treated Cynthia exactly the way I treat Hope. And for some reason, she is

taking offense.

But I'll tell you one thing. That woman has an ass to grind, and I'm nobody's

ass.

I'm not letting her tell me what to do.

I'm out of here.

Coming up next, the rules change and all hell breaks loose.

Give me that! You're breaking the rules! You give me that!

What are you doing for birth control?

Tomorrow I'll take you to get a diaphragm.

Why don't you leave the f*** alone?

I want my mom now.

I will bite you.

Okay. Cynthia Melville and Hope Chanowski swapped lives and spent a week

living by each other's rules.

But now, everything is about to change as the new wives take control.

It's the first day of the rules change, and after some serious contemplation,

Okay, now the blood is starting to rush to my head.

Faith has decided to stay.

I'm just going to think of this as the greatest role I've ever played.

So, Sid, what are you doing for birth control?

Uh,

nothing.

Well, that's totally irresponsible.

Tomorrow I'll take you to get a diaphragm.

See, actually, I'm not sexually active. I'm a virgin.

What are you, chicken?

Cynthia, I really don't think that's very appropriate. She's only 16.

New rule for you.

Shh!

But I really... Shh!

At the Melville's, Madison has already violated her new curfew.

It's two in the morning, young lady.

What do you have to say for yourself?

Off. Why don't you leave it alone?

Hope appeals to Aaron to enforce the rules.

She was two hours past her curfew. You're kidding. And she cursed at me.

What a bitch.

Now, now, Aaron.

Two wrongs don't make a right. She can dump the 10,000 shares for all I care.

Are you on the phone?

I told you, no cell phones in the house. Give me that. Give me that. You're

breaking the rules. You give me that right now. Aaron!

Aaron! Get back here!

Open this door right now. No!

All right.

I don't want to have to do this, but you left me no choice.

Tomorrow, you're both getting brownie faces on the fridge.

What?

Brownie faces. Not you.

Tell her to dump the shares.

Faith isn't over her head when she takes on the role of a lifetime, that of a

homemaker. Aunt Faith, have you seen my math book?

It's in your backpack.

No.

Just someone's garbage.

Is something burning?

It's probably me. I haven't showered in nine days.

Yeah, we know.

Oh, it's just Hailey's math book.

All right, everybody freeze. If the garbage is in your backpack and the math

book is in the oven,

I know where the chicken is.

Dinner's ready.

Oh, wait. The vegetables.

You are an idiot. You cooked my math book, you threw the chicken in the

garbage, and now you're serving frozen vegetables?

I hate you!

Faith, you have got to do my laundry. I have no clean underwear.

I turn mine inside out.

Madison and Aaron aren't the only ones breaking Hope's rules.

Kathy is supposed to be sleeping in the guest room, but she refuses to leave the

pantry slash laundry room.

Kathy? Kathy, I know you're in there.

I can hear the dryer.

Kathy?

Unhappy with the way things are going, Hope thinks a family meeting might draw

the Melvilles closer together.

Now, you're probably wondering why I asked you to draw pictures of your

family.

Just to guess, because you're lame?

No, because I thought it would be a better way to tell how you feel about

your family.

Aaron, tell us about your drawing. Well, this is my attorney, this is my

accountant, and this is the guy from my cellular phone company.

It's my calling circle.

So this is your family?

The people you care most about in your life?

No.

Oh, my gosh.

Aaron, this is what Brianna thinks about her daddy.

Is this what you want, Aaron?

To be a phone head?

To be a stranger to your own kids?

Wouldn't you rather have a thousand anytime minutes with your daughter?

Please, Daddy.

Oh, no, no.

Aaron, it's okay.

Look, we can start with unlimited nights and weekends.

I have to admit, I was a little surprised by Aaron's breakdown.

Madison said he hasn't cried like that since the tech bubble burst.

And the Melvilles aren't the only family unraveling. I need to talk to my mom.

Sure you do. So you can tell her about the math book. Well, guess what? I got

stuff on you you don't even know about.

I want my mom now.

She knows I got nothing.

Haley, sweetie, what's wrong?

Nothing.

Hey, what's going on?

I think Haley's still upset about dinner.

Yeah, well, a lot of us are still upset about dinner. It's not about dinner.

I just need mom.

What is with her?

She's moody and cranky. She's crying for no reason.

I think it might be her period. Oh, don't be ridiculous. She's nine years

old. She's 12.

What?

Turn that camera off.

Now. I said now.

I will fight you.

Next, Charlie gets more than he bargained for when Cynthia suggests they

enjoy a nice dinner out on the town.

I would love for you to work on my mouth.

And Hope gets a surprise from Aaron.

And a Cynthia-style makeover.

Why we're not ones to go around spreading rumors.

And Kathy breaks out of the pantry cabaret-style.

Hope and Cynthia have taken control of their new households, leaving everyone

in crisis.

Haley, sweetie, what's wrong?

Turn that camera off.

Kathy, I know you're in there.

Kathy!

Since Haley's mom is away, Faith steps up and reveals her maternal side.

My mother gave me a French manicure when I got my first... upper respiratory

infection.

Thanks, Aunt Faith.

I love you.

I love you too, sweetie.

And don't worry about anything.

That cough should clear up in five to seven days.

And Hope inspires breakthroughs of her own.

Come on, Kathy.

There's got to be something you've always wanted to do. Oh, there is.

Sometimes... I fantasize about leaving wet clothes in the washer overnight.

And maybe drying them in the morning.

Okay.

Bigger than that.

Well, Mrs. Hildebrand, my second grade teacher, once told me I had a pretty

voice.

So why don't you start singing?

No, I couldn't.

No, I do not believe there's anything you can't do if you just put your mind

to it.

You have to follow your dreams.

I've made a decision.

I'm quitting my job and selling the apartment.

I never wanted all of this.

How are we going to live?

Off the land.

I'm good with my hands. I can sell driftwood sculptures at sawdust

festivals, and in the winter, I'll work the Renaissance fairs.

I feel so free.

What?

Meanwhile, Cynthia thinks Charlie needs to spend more romantic time with Hope,

so she's arranged a night out, away from Faith and the kids. This is nice, isn't

it?

It really is. It really is. You know, from now on, once a week, we're going to

go out and have a nice dinner, just me and Hope.

Oh, let's forget about Hope, shall we?

So, you're an orthodontist. Yeah.

I would love for you to work on my mouth.

Yeah, I think maybe you've had enough to drink, huh? Come on.

Oh, I can't help it if you're so cute.

Can we get some coffee over here?

Is that your foot?

Check, please.

Well, I'll tell you one thing. After living with that woman, a very

aggressive woman, I have never been more in love with my wife.

Later, when Charlie returns home from his dinner with Cynthia, Faith fills him

in on the crisis with Haley.

How was your night?

Oh, you know, that was yours.

My baby.

Faith really impressed me. Although I will never give up my dream of her

moving away to some very remote, possibly hostile country with no

phones or visible means of escape, she really came through.

Thanks, Faith.

What are you thanking her for?

She's nothing but a lazy, ungrateful mooch. Hey, that's enough.

I don't know how they do things in your house, but here, Faith is not the maid.

Yes, she may be selfish. She may be self-absorbed and incredibly self

-centered. And I realize that all those things may be the same thing, but with

her, it is worth repeating.

Nevertheless, she is a member of our family.

Oh, Charlie.

Hope's family.

Let's not forget that.

Thing that makes me proudest of all is that I got through the night without

telling the whole world that Haley got her period And that makes me feel really

good about myself

Look I

just want to get out of here and get back to my life And now that it's over

and Charlie clearly is in love with his wife for whatever reason I just want to

say that the whole coming on to him thing was just a joke.

You're so pretty

Such a pretty boy.

The truth is, I left my husband.

And I really miss Madison and the twins and... Brianna.

Brianna, yeah.

Cynthia is a classic narcissist who probably wasn't breastfed.

Which explains why she can't see the world beyond her own needs.

Much like an infant.

Of course, so is Aunt Faith. But I mean, I like her much better. Me too.

And Cynthia's kind of creepy.

Very creepy.

Very, very creepy.

Even Madison comes around when Hope agrees to undergo a Melville-style

makeover. I've never had a makeover before.

How do I look?

Not nearly as dorky as when you got here.

Whoa! You like?

Yeah, I look hot.

Hot.

Smoking. Okay, let's not get carried away.

You know, you remind me of my daughter.

Are you guys close?

I try, but she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. At least you

try. That's how she knows you love her.

Well, I'm sure your mother loves you, too.

Very much.

She wouldn't love me if she knew I was a virgin.

She'd start going, What?

She thinks I'm chicken.

But I thought you had a diaphragm. I only got it because everyone else has

one.

You listen here.

You're 16 years old.

There's no need to hurry.

The longer you wait, the better it'll be.

You know, you're not as rank as I thought.

You're like a real mom.

Your kids are lucky to have you.

You know, when I first got here, I felt lost.

I didn't know why I was doing this.

But now I can see I've had quite an impact on this family.

You see, one of the things I've always been good at is encouraging people to

follow their dreams.

Can I wash this off?

I'm feeling a little trampy.

But I'd like to take a picture first.

My husband will like it.

He likes it when I, you know, never mind.

That's private.

Before I start, I would just like to thank Hope for making me realize there

is nothing I can't do.

Feeling, nothing more than feeling.

Trying to forget my feelings of love.

Teardrop rolling down on my face.

Remember when I was talking to you about, you know, encouraging people?

Trying to forget my feelings of love.

Well, seeing Kathy sing tonight.

Maybe I'm a little too encouraging.

Like with Faith.

It could be partially my fault that she's, well, you know, delusional.

I'll tell you one thing.

I really do have a whole new respect for what Hope does around here.

And what amazes me is how she was able to do it all before I moved in to help

out.

Like when she came to me and she said it was her goal to win an... Emmy, Oscar,

Anna, Tony, all this year.

Maybe I shouldn't have said, go for it.

Next,

the wives reunite with their husbands and sisters.

Why don't you just zip it? I'll zip it when you shut it. I'll shut it when you

zip it. Shut it. Zip it!

Both families have gained a lot from the swap.

I have never been more in love with my wife.

I feel so free.

I love you.

I love you too, sweetie.

Your kids are lucky to have you.

Before I start, I would just like to thank Hope.

I'm really proud of me.

After two weeks apart, the couples are reunited.

I

love

you. I missed you

so much. I learned my lesson. From now on, I'm more alone.

Just you and me.

What are you, Paul Bunyan?

I missed you so much.

And it's judgment time, as the couples

finally come face to face.

First, I'd like to say...

I think your parenting style is a bit, well, harsh.

And I think you totally take advantage of your sister.

Well, at least I'm not a doormat like you.

And your sister is a freak.

She hit me. Look, right there. What?

Are you wearing my clothes?

Yours, mine. What's the difference?

Excuse me? Hope made me realize that family are the people you're supposed to

take advantage of.

That's not exactly what I said.

So I'm moving out of the pantry, moving into the guest bedroom, and I need $5

,000 to cut my first album.

What? And Hope made me realize that money doesn't matter, family does.

That's why I put our penthouse on the market, and we're going to move to

Mexico and live in a yurt.

A yurt? Yes.

What have you done to my family?

Okay, hey, hey, hey.

What have you done? Hey, okay, all right.

It's been six weeks since the swap.

And both households have undergone significant changes.

I think we all learned a lot from the swap.

I mean, Faith's been pitching in around the house, which is a good thing.

I guess.

Actually, it means a lot more work for me.

Hope has encouraged me to revise my goals for 05. She was very frank.

Wasn't easy to hear.

But I've decided that I'm going to have to be realistic, so...

No Oscar, Emmy, Tony.

Instead, I'm just going to go for the People's Choice Award.

Because let's face it, anybody can win one of them.

And they tell you in advance if you win, so you don't have to go if you don't.

But I think I will.

But the most dramatic changes have been in the Melville household.

Look, get off my back, mother. I don't want a diaphragm.

I like... being a virgin.

Cynthia, I've decided that I'm too old for a pop career. So listen, I'm going

to go country.

Check out this song I wrote.

Don't give me no hand to hold.

Don't give me no man to scold.

Just give me, give me that pot of gold.

You know, Kathy, it might sound a little better if you hit it twice and hold it

at the end.

Don't give me no hand to hold.

Don't give me no man to scold.

Just give me, give me that pot of gold.

Give me that pot of gold.

Like that.

Yeah, Cynthia, singing, it's really not your thing. Thank you.

Join us next week for another episode of... No, I need that. I still haven't

carved the feet.

Wife Swap.

So, what did everyone think?

I think I look as good on TV as I do in person.

She came on to you?

You told the whole world I got my period?

You think I'm delusional?

You think you help out around here? Oh, why don't you shut it? Why don't you zip

it? I'll zip it when you shut it. I'll shut it when you zip it. Shut it! Zip

it! Shut it! Zip it! Shut it! Zip it!