Original subtitles

It was Aunt Faith's idea.

Come on, Hope. It was a joke.

Seeing my daughter's stomach explode is not funny.

Oh, yeah? And how come I peed in my pants?

Those are my pants.

Correction. Your pants.

And your underpants.

And a couple of drops in your running shoes.

Oh, God.

And I really like that pin. What is that, a pumpkin?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a pumpkin.

Look.

Lights up.

That is just neato, Mom. Hey, maybe I could wear that to Vanessa's party

tomorrow night.

Oh, sure, that'd be... Wait a minute.

You can't go to any party. You're grounded.

But you can wear it to school today if you like.

Pass.

believe this.

Mrs. Racket invited us to a party.

Crazy Mrs.

Racket? You're kidding. Let me see that.

Who's Mrs. Racket? This nutty woman who lived down the street from us when we

were kids.

She lived in this spooky old house and she always wore a new coat whenever

somebody's dog went missing.

Oh, wait a minute. That was 101 Dalmatians.

Your aunt.

tortured this poor woman. Ding-dong ditch, prank phone calls.

Hey, you helped me TP her elm tree that one Halloween.

We used 50 rolls.

Really?

Two-ply.

Well, we have to go to the party.

I mean, she's all alone.

She probably doesn't have any friends.

All right. I suppose we could stop by for one poison apple.

And hope. I promise no more pranks.

And it was wrong of me to use one of the kids.

Swear. Swear.

Oh, and I got up extra early this morning and went to Zinman's Bakeries

for those pumpkin cookies that you love.

Nice, Faith.

But I'm not falling for it.

More for me.

But I can't imagine my life without you.

Sisters with a brand new start.

Sisters who've come so far.

Sisters, there's no better way to be.

You and me.

Wow! I can't believe it!

Miss Racket's house is the same as it was when we were kids!

Boy, she really went all out for Halloween.

I want to try.

Hello. Hope Schnowski and Faith Fairfield.

We're here for all the party fun.

I'll alert the mistress you have arrived.

He was probably very nice when he was alive.

This place looks a lot spookier than I thought it'd be, huh?

Hey, handsome.

My, what a long sword you have.

Smells like old lady.

Old lady cooking cabbage.

Old, rotting, baggy-skinned lady cooking cabbage in her stinking underpants.

Actually, it's chimichangas.

Mrs. Racket, we didn't see you there, sitting in the dark with your back to

us. And my stinking underpants.

You thought we were talking about your underpants.

No, no.

We were talking about Hope's underpants.

Woo!

So anyway, I guess we're the first ones here.

And the last, no one else was invited.

So... We were just saying how wonderful your Halloween decorations are.

Is it Halloween?

Oh, dear, I've been so distracted since my favorite cat died.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Yes, well, at least I still have Medusa.

Want to hold her?

Yeah, she's so soft.

Yes, I had her stuffed with down.

Maybe Faith would like to hold her. That's okay.

I'm more of a dead dog person.

Come on, Justin.

Let's go get one million pieces of candy.

and pieces of candy.

Come on, Hailey. It's your last chance to join us. I don't know how you people

can run around filling your bags with candy when millions of people are

starving in the world. Good times, Hailey.

Besides, Edwin's coming over. He just got the new edition of Ultimate Brain

Banger. This is Candyman.

Do you read me, candy lad?

Roger that, Candyman. Let's go get some candy.

Roger that.

Behave, babies.

All right, let's get this straight. The living room is mine. You can hang out in

the kitchen with Nerdy McLoser.

Edwin is not a loser.

He's president of the Geography Club and student council sergeant at arms.

Stop. I'm getting hot.

Brain Bangers was a black tie affair.

No, it's not really a tuxedo.

It's a t-shirt.

Hey, forgot your game. Oh, hi.

Who are you?

I'm Henry, Edwin's brother.

Oh, I love this kid.

I didn't even think you knew my name. Are you kidding? I know your name as

well as I know the fact that I'm not currently seeing anyone.

Oh, we were surprised, pleasantly surprised, to get your invitation.

We haven't thought about you in years.

Really? I think about you every day.

See, Hope told you she was a fan of the soap. Oh, no, I don't have a TV.

Not since my husband departed.

Aw. I'm sorry to hear that.

Yes, it was 20 years ago this very Halloween.

Some neighborhood kids toilet papered our house.

They must have used 50 rolls to ply.

Anyway, he was up on the ladder trying to take it off our old elm tree, and

that's when he fell.

On your TV?

No, on his hip. He died from a broken hip? Oh, no. He didn't die. He ran

off with the nurse from the hospital.

Oh, that is so romantic.

Well, not for you, of course.

My point is that if those neighborhood kids, whoever they might have been...

Hadn't toilet papered our house, my life might not have been so empty.

Aw, don't say that.

Your life seems full.

You're obviously a party person.

With a suit of armor.

And a cat that will never run away.

Well,

I think what my sister's trying to say is that...

We've had a lovely time, but if we don't go now, we'll never want to leave.

Oh, stay.

For one drink.

Name your poison.

Arsenic. No.

No, no.

Cyanide.

It's hard to say. I like them both.

We'll just have whatever you're drinking.

Snooping. The woman carries around a dead cat. Can you imagine what she

doesn't want us to see?

Door's locked.

Probably her torture chamber.

I feel terrible.

I can't believe you talked me into TPing her house.

Do you think she knows that we ruined her life?

Don't be so paranoid. There's no way she knows it was us.

Faith and hope rip.

Edwin, I can't believe you never told me you have an older brother.

This is the first time you've ever spoken to me.

Well, that's because I'm shy.

Well, I should get going.

Okay, see you later. Wait!

How did this picture of me in a bikini get down here?

Wow.

I know, right?

It's a beautiful sunset.

So, I'll pick you up at 10, all right?

Wait, wait, wait. You can't go.

Um, we're all going to play that brain banger game, and we need four to play.

Well, can five play? Yeah, sure. Okay, great.

Where are you going? I'll get my girlfriend.

She's out in the car.

If she's pretty, you're dead, Edwin.

We have to get out of here.

Going somewhere?

Hope has diarrhea.

Good night.

Oh, wait.

Just one toast before you go to living every day like it's your

last.

Oh, dear.

Okey-dokey. Well, we've got to...

I've been planning this since April Fools', ever since you put that spot on

my lung x-ray.

That was good fun.

This was just plain mean.

Well, payback's a bitch.

It certainly is.

Oh, okay, now you're just messing up my hair.

But, Miss Racket, the prank's over. What are you doing?

You girls have tortured me for years.

Now at last I get to have my revenge.

Always dies last.

Shoot!

I'm not wearing any.

Inventor of the cotton gin. Eli Whitney. Jinx.

I'm Jinx.

So, um, where did you two crazy kids meet?

At the co-ed scouting jamboree. I'm a girl scout and Henry just made Eagle

Scout. You know, I can't be a boy scout.

Because I'm allergic to grass, bees, and 11 kinds of bark.

So, you guys are a scouting couple. Do they have a special name for scouts who

date?

Trail mixers.

Trail mixers.

That is so adorable.

So, how long can you be a scout before you just start to feel ridiculous?

Sydney. Will you help me with something in the kitchen? We'll be right back.

Scout's honor.

What is wrong with you?

Nothing. We're just having fun.

You just can't stand it that there's a guy who isn't interested in you.

Oh, please. He is so interested in me. He can't take his eyes off of me.

Nobody can. You're acting like an idiot.

It's a little thing called the art of seduction, okay?

Now you just watch and learn.

Cool.

Um, where's your brother?

Oh, they left.

So, who wants to be quiz master?

You go ahead, Sydney.

I'll just watch and learn.

Hey, Edwin, there's a bee on you.

I'm sorry.

I had no idea she was really crazy.

What are we gonna do?

I don't know.

The last time I was shackled by my wrist to a wall, all I had to say was,

Senator, you're a bad, bad boy.

On the soap?

Uh, yeah, right, on the soap.

Well, now, is there anything you'd like to say before?

Before what?

I kill you.

All right, Mrs. Racket. You've made your point.

And we're sorry.

But you're not really crazy enough to kill us because 20 years ago, we TP'd

your house.

I have something I'd like to say.

Age before beauty, so kill hope first.

This is for my long-lost husband!

He's not lost.

He left you. And I can kind of see why.

Axe me.

Faith!

Behind you!

Yeah, right, like I'm going to fall for that again.

I mean it!

Oh, wait, let me guess. Mrs. Racket is behind me with an axe in her hand.

Ow!

That really hurt. It was supposed to be lower, Cornelia.

I'm sorry, Faith. I misplaced my distance glasses.

I don't know.

What are you... What?

We hope you enjoyed this evening's performance, ladies and gentlemen. Drive

home safely and enjoy the fish.

Wait a minute.

This was supposed to be my prank.

How did you know?

Hope, if you don't want...

you shouldn't leave it on the top shelf of your closet, underneath those four

blankets, and inside that lockbox.

Cornelia, why did you double-cross me?

A chance to act with Faith Fairfield.

I mean, she has a daytime Emmy.

And plus, she threw in these sneakers.

Those are mine!

Don't worry.

They're the ones I peed in.

Where's Dad?

The man's obsessed.

This is Candyman to Candy Lad.

We have king-sized bars at the Himmelhaus.

I repeat, king-sized bars.

Hey! Hey! Give me back my candy, you punk!

I'm going to bed.

Me too.

hi hi uh edwin said he left his inhaler said it was on the coffee table really

well uh come on in oh gee that's that's

strange you know i i don't see it there anywhere are you sure that's what you

came looking for what do you mean look we both know

there's no inhaler you just came back to see me so

Why don't I just make this a little less awkward for you?

Hey, Henry.

Here's Edwin's inhaler.

You know what?

Why don't I make this a little less awkward for you?

Good night.

What was that about?

That guy is so into me.

explode. Who put my son's head in a box?

Who hid in a closet with ketchup all over her neck after we saw that vampire

movie? I was 10 years old, Faith. Get over it. I can't.

Every night of my life, I still look in the closet and check under the bed.

You do?

Yeah. And I spin around three times.

Why? I just like being dizzy.

Look, I scared you. You scared me.

Let's make a pact to never scare each other again.

What do you say?

All right.

Oh,

turn out the lights and lock the door. The seven dwarfs are after my candy.

And that dopey is a kicker.