Original subtitles

Okay. Open.

Nine pounds of nails.

Fifteen sheets of wood-like paneling.

Six weeks of hard labor, and my man room is complete.

Aunt Faith's not going to like this.

Charlie, how could you?

How could I not? I hit nothing but bullseyes.

Ow!

Faith has been trying really hard to find a job. Don't you have a friend who

could hire her? Hope. Friends don't let friends hire Faith.

But believe me, if there was anything I could do to help, anything, I would.

Hey, how weird is this? There's another orthodontist named Charles Shanowski in

Glen Falls, and he's looking for a receptionist.

Hey, I'm a little overqualified, but I'm going to give him a call.

I can't believe you.

Hello.

Is this Charles Chanowski?

Yes, it is.

Charlie, do you mind? I'm on the phone.

Yes, I'm calling about the receptionist job.

Faith, you can start tomorrow.

Thank you so much.

And the lady said, out of a thousand applicants, I was the best.

Faith, that was me.

And that's Charlie's ad.

You'll be working for him.

Oh, no, she won't.

Fine.

Like your man room.

You know, with some work, this would make the cutest little apartment.

Then I'd never have to get a job or move out.

Monday morning 9 o'clock welcome aboard

Is that your top secret project for the science fair?

Yes, and you can see it tonight with the rest of the general public.

23 hours of labor with no epidural, and I'm the general public?

Ah, there's the best husband in the whole world. I made waffles.

Wow. Morning sex and my favorite breakfast.

Great. Could I have $100 for therapy?

I just want you to know how much I appreciate you giving Faith a job.

But promise me you'll be patient and encouraging.

So not only do I have to feed and shelter her, now I have to be the wind

beneath her wings?

Faith realizes you're giving her a great opportunity.

She's taking this job very seriously.

Dr. Shanowski, we've got a gunshot wound to the head. Pulse ox is up. BP is 90

over 40. I think we need to incubate.

Just call me Horace Nightingale.

It's Florence Nightingale.

That's not what it said on the costume when I bought it.

Dr. Shanasky's office. The only thing crooked about us is your teeth.

Could you hold, please?

Well, hello.

Is my son almost done?

I'm Kevin Webster's dad.

I'm Faith Fairfield, RN.

Real naughty.

Faith, could you come in here, please? I'm with a patient.

Faith!

I'll be right there.

He's such a primadontist.

What's up, Doc?

Look, Maggie went home sick. I'm working three rooms all by myself, so when the

timer dings, could you just take out his mold, set it on the tray, that's it?

Do I rinse it? No. Wash it? No. Just shampoo and a set then?

Just stand there, don't touch anything, and wait for the ding, okay?

Hey, you're Kevin Webster.

You're the cute guy's kid.

Says you're here for an impression.

Not a day goes by that I don't miss on her.

He usually kills.

So, I didn't see a ring on your dad's finger.

Are your parents divorced?

Awesome! I mean, aw, someday.

Maybe he'll meet somebody new.

Has he?

I'm a nurse.

You can tell me.

So?

What's your dad look like naked?

Never mind. I'll find out for myself.

Wow, this is a nice spot.

I think they gave you the best table. Not really. I have to stand next to

Ronald Beeman all night.

What's wrong with Ronald Beeman?

Mrs. Chinoski, I wanted to schedule a time to get together with you and your

husband to talk about Haley.

What about me?

Is this about the A-minus I got on my calculus extra credit work?

Because the only reason I got an A-minus is because I didn't show my work. But

that's because I did it all in my head. And I really don't think I should be

penalized just because I can do it all in my head.

Maybe you should tell me right now.

As you know, your daughter is an exceptionally bright young lady, and I'm

afraid she's become bored with the seventh grade curriculum.

She needs to be challenged, which is why the faculty is suggesting we skip her

head. Wow.

Eighth grade?

Not eighth grade.

High school.

High school?

I'm already doing high school work. I could take eight classes and go away to

college by the time I'm 16.

All right, all right. Slow down.

I really don't think Haley's ready for high school. She hasn't even started her

period yet.

Mom!

What?

Can't you just give her some extra, extra credit work?

She's too advanced for our curriculum.

And the fact that she's constantly correcting us is hard to put up with.

Um, Mrs. Olsen, are you sure you want to end that sentence with a preposition?

I just don't think throwing a 12-year-old into high school is the

solution. Maybe you should discuss this with your husband.

I will.

But I really don't think he's not going to agree with me.

Mom, don't not. That's a double negative.

Okay, I can see how that could get annoying.

Your divorce must have been so painful.

Sometimes it's best just to jump into the arms of another woman.

Speaking as a medical professional.

So, how long do you think my son's gonna be in there?

Nine months, starting from tonight.

Here's our popcorn.

Wait a minute.

A ding.

Something about a ding.

Take this out? What are you, an idiot?

What am I saying? Of course you're an idiot.

Charlie!

No, he's right. I screwed up. I'm sorry.

I promise, from now on, I'm going to be the best nurse you ever had.

You're not a nurse.

You're promoting me to dentist?

Just go answer the phones.

Don't worry, Kevin.

I'll have this out in a second. And then I'm going to fire my receptionist.

Charlie, everybody makes mistakes the first day on the job. You can't fire her

over this.

And she admitted she screwed up.

You know what amazes me, Hope?

Your optimism.

No matter how many times she messes up, you keep thinking the next time might be

different.

Okay, fine.

Chance number 2011 coming up. Now, look, I'm totally swamped.

You need something?

I was just going to talk to you about Haley, but it can wait.

There we go. Ah, that's it.

You alright, Kevin?

Oh, I'm fine.

But I have to go stop my dad from making the biggest mistake of his life.

Godspeed.

Charlie?

Look, I know I got off to a rocky start, but I think you're going to be very

pleased when you see what I've done.

I cleared out all your files.

You had stuff in there from months ago.

Now we have room for as many new patients as we can get.

Where are the files?

In the dumpster. Ka-ching!

Come on, say it with me. Faith!

Those are patient's histories. I need those files. Go to the dumpster and get

them and put them back the way you found them.

All right, I will. First thing in the morning. No, now. Tonight.

Uh, I don't think so. I have a date tonight with Kevin Webster's dad.

Don't say no to your boss. This is your job.

Well, in that case, this job sucks and I quit. Don't wait up.

Unbelievable. You have to be the most ungrateful, selfish quitter I've ever

met.

Hey, where do you get off calling me a quitter?

You just quit.

Face it, Faith, the only thing you've ever stuck to is not leaving my house.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Fine. Then I unquit. It's too late.

No, no, no.

You don't work here anymore.

Yes, I do. Dr.

Shinnoski's office, the only thing crooked about us... Stop it!

You quit, quitter. Now let go.

No, I'm not a quitter, and I'm not letting go of this phone.

Oh, yeah.

That should take about five seconds.

I bet I can hold on to it longer than you.

Fifty bucks says you can't. Fifty bucks. That's less than I stole from petty

cash.

Let's bet something that really hurts.

Okay. When I win, I get your Emmy to proudly display

in my man room.

When I win, I get your man room

to proudly display my Emmy.

You're on.

Your eyelids are drooping.

The phone is getting too heavy.

You're getting very sleepy.

I'm up, I'm up!

I suppose closing the car door on me the second time was an accident too.

Dad, this is my science teacher, Mrs. Olsen.

And guess what? They want to skip me two grades to high school.

What? What?

My little genius is going to high school? That's incredible.

No, no, no. It's not.

What do you mean? I think it's great.

Mom thinks I'm not mature enough to go to high school.

Charlie, could I speak with you alone?

I need to talk to Charlie alone.

But I care about what happens to, um, Haley, too.

If Faith wants to listen in, I don't see the harm.

All right.

What is going on here? Why are you holding that sports coat and that phone?

She quit. But then I unquit. Yeah, now she's trying to prove something by

holding the phone longer than me.

What is wrong with you two?

Well, he's about to demonstrate her project.

For my project, I built a nitrogen-based dye laser in the hopes of discovering

which organic dye produced the brightest beam.

7-Diethylamino or Rhodamine 6G.

Rhodamine 6G won.

Could someone hit the lights?

High school.

Maybe she should go to college.

I'll tell you what's impressive.

That Ronald Beeman's potato clock.

I mean, really. How did he teach a potato to tell time?

Look, I admit Haley might be advanced for her age, but there's no reason to

throw her to the wolves.

She's 12 years old.

She hasn't even started her period.

Mom!

Hope, I think you're being a little unreasonable.

I agree.

So do I.

I'm unreasonable.

I'll show you unreasonable.

What are you doing? There! How's that for unreasonable?

I'm not letting go either.

Oh, no!

I'm never letting go! Get your own man!

And I'm not mature.

I'm very sorry.

Here's your... Jupiter?

That's Uranus.

Uranus. That's hilarious.

That was the best seventh grade science fair ever.

Ronald Beeman is making me a potato wristwatch.

I'll be in the main room where it's safe.

Hope you two are proud of yourselves. You ruined Haley's science fair. Hey,

wide load. You're the one that backed it up into the solar system.

None of this would have happened if you'd let go of the phone.

Actually, Hope, none of this would have happened if you'd let go of Haley.

Kids grow up so fast, Charlie.

Why would we want them to leave the nest any sooner?

That's it.

How often are we going to see them then?

Oh, empty nest syndrome.

Don't you worry, Hope.

I promise I'll never leave.

Hope.

Look, I know it's...

I know it's hard to see them grow up.

And they don't always grow at a pace that we're comfortable with.

But do you really want to hold Haley back from being the best she can be?

Haley!

Would you come down here a second?

Honey.

I'm so sorry about tonight.

And I'm sorry I said you weren't mature enough for high school.

The truth is, you are, I'm sad to say, the most

mature person I know.

So, if you really want to go to high school, I think you should go.

Really?

Really.

I'm so proud of you.

Thanks, Mom.

I'll see you in the morning.

I'm proud of you too, Hope.

Hope, you were right.

We're acting really immature.

So, Charlie, what do you say, on the count of three, we both let go?

One, two, three.

Four. Five. Nice try.

All right.

Then I guess I should tell you that your man room's on fire.

Oh, please. That's the oldest trick in the book.

Dad, our man room's on fire!

Oh, nice touch getting the boy involved.

Oh, my God!

Charlie! You too?

My main rooms are-

No peeking, no peeking, no peeking.

And... open!

Welcome to the woman room.

You

call

yourself a man.

Dancing, anyone?