Original subtitles

Morning, Bumblebee.

Sorry.

Mr. Sinatra.

Mom, did you know Frank's middle name was Albert?

No, I did not.

Did you know he was born in Hoboken and won nine Grammys?

No, I did not. Did you even go to college?

I wish I was still rooming with Aunt Faith, because at least when she talked

in her sleep, it was about boys and not math.

Don't worry. It's just a matter of time before you're living in a trailer

waiting for your baby's daddy to make parole.

Be nice.

You may not realize it now, but your sister is the best friend you'll ever

have. Says the woman who threw her own sister out of our house.

I did not throw her out.

I merely invited her to leave.

I mean, it's been three days and we haven't even heard from her. Sydney,

relax. Faith is a grown woman.

She's perfectly capable of taking care of herself.

Hello?

Hey, Faith.

Where is she? Hospital? Prison?

Occult?

Sure, she's right here. Do you want to talk to her?

I found this fabulous place. You'll have to come visit.

Well, when can we hang out? Well, we could meet at the mall, say 4 o'clock,

by the pool with all the free change.

Awesome. Hey.

Is your mom there?

Yeah. Is she just standing there staring at you, biting her nails and tapping her

foot?

Yep.

Good. Now laugh like I've just said the funniest thing ever.

Is her foot going like a mile a minute?

Yep. Good work. Now put her on.

Aunt Faith wants to talk to you.

I knew she'd come around.

There's nothing more unbreakable than the bond between sisters.

Hey, you.

I'm sorry. The sister you are trying to reach hates you. Goodbye.

Wow,

CDs used to be huge.

Frank Sinatra live at the Sins.

I've been looking for this all my life.

This shouldn't be in the junk room.

It's not the junk room anymore.

When we're done in here, this is gonna be the man room, filled with man stuff.

Like your doll collection?

These are action figures.

You know what else? Tonight I'm driving eight hours. I'm gonna stay at a hotel

so I can be first in line to buy an original.

Space Invaders arcade game.

There's eight hours you'll never get back.

So, how's the men's room coming?

The man room. It's not a public toilet.

I'm really worried about Faith.

She told Sidney she's doing really well and everything's fine, but if she was

really doing well and everything was really fine, she would have wanted to

tell me herself and rub it in my face, right?

What do you think?

I think these are exactly the kind of conversations that aren't going to

happen in the man room.

Charlie. Hope, you enable her.

Every time you put your foot down, she makes you feel guilty and then sucks you

into some ridiculous mess that I have to clean up.

That's not true.

Okay. Yeah, that is true.

Look, if she can't make it on her own, then I'll buy her a ticket to Florida

and she can go live with your father until he buys her a ticket somewhere.

Or shoots her.

Okay, I gotta go.

I'm going bra shopping with Haley this afternoon.

Okay. Hit me abreast of any new developments.

Charlie, no cornball jokes. You did that with Sidney.

All right, I won't be a boob.

I'm serious, Charlie. All right, I know. I'm milking it.

And that is how you get a lady out of the man room.

Booyah!

Where are you going?

I'm going bra shopping with Mom.

Don't do it.

When she took me bra shopping, she started crying.

And then she asked the cashier to take our picture.

I think I can go another year with just undershirts.

You know what? I'm going to the mall to meet Aunt Faith. I'll pick you up a bra.

You just tell Mom you're not feeling well.

Sure, I guess I could bring some.

Okay, see you there.

Who are those for?

Not Aunt Faith.

Ready to go shopping? I'm not feeling well.

That's okay, sweetie.

We can go bar shopping tomorrow.

I'm not feeling well tomorrow, either.

It's okay.

No rush.

Every flower blossoms at its own pace.

So, you know where Sydney went off to?

To the mall to meet Aunt Faith.

Hmm.

You know what?

I could use a new bra myself.

I'm gonna go to the mall, too.

Are you going to spy on Sydney and Aunt Faith?

Hailey, don't be ridiculous.

I just happened to be dissatisfied with the current state of my bras and I

thought now would be as good a time as any to go spice them.

Buy some.

Maybe I'll do a little bird watching.

You know, we all really miss you, Aunt Faith, especially Mom.

Mom. Hmm.

Is that the woman with the moist brownies but the dry heart?

Warm apple pie but a cold, cold... nose.

You ever notice how cold her nose is? It's like a little ice cube sitting on

her face.

This is the final announcement.

The Glen Falls Mall is now closing.

Please exit the building.

Oh, thank you.

This was so much fun.

Well, I'm parked at the other side, so I'll call you tomorrow, honey.

Bye. Bye.

You cannot live in a department store.

Well, I have to. The grocery store was freezing.

Besides, things are really looking up for me here.

the neighborhood.

What's that?

Oh, it's a pimple. I squeezed it. Why does it look bad?

Shh.

You have a cotton swab?

No. Antiseptic cream? No. Why do you even carry a purse?

Oh, my God. We're moving.

Somebody bought us.

Cheer up.

Chances are we're going to a better home.

I

miss

this.

You look awesome.

Are you sure?

I feel self-conscious.

Well, you know what? You always feel self-conscious the first time you wear a

bra. Trust me, it's perfectly natural.

Hey, girls.

I'm off to get my arcade game, so, Sydney, you're in charge until your

mother gets... home.

So, Dad, what do you think of Haley's new bra?

Bra? Are you wearing a bra?

I didn't even notice.

See? It's perfectly natural.

Hello? Oh, Hope, thank God.

Where are you?

What?

You're trapped on a truck inside an armoire?

I just have one question.

Is your sister with you by any chance?

He wants to talk to you.

Oh, great.

Here we go.

Somehow this is all going to be my fault.

I don't want to go to Florida.

I don't even like Florida anymore.

Versace was killed there.

Get on the plane, Faith.

Can I at least get an upgrade?

I mean, come on, who am I going to meet and coach?

Go.

Charlie. Don't start.

I just had to track down a truck in the middle of the highway, get the driver to

pull over, pay him $200 to open up the back, and it wasn't even the right

truck.

It took me three trucks and $600 to get you out of that armoire.

Don't forget the $85 for the speeding ticket, Mr. Road Rage.

I love him.

I love you, too.

Call me when you get to dance.

I will.

Don't give me that look, Hope.

I really thought...

At this time, you're going to be strong and let Faith stand on her own two feet.

But guess what?

Enabler Magazine called. You made the cover.

Again.

Charlie, she's my sister.

And I'm your husband.

And if you can't do for yourself what you need to do for Faith, then I have to

do for both of you what Faith can't do for you.

Three trucks, Hope.

And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. So grow up, Hope.

If you'll excuse me, I have to drive all night to buy an arcade game.

I've always liked that picture. Me too.

So

we

sat on the tarmac for a half an hour, and then the pilot announced they were

having engine trouble, and they canceled the flight.

Well, you can stay the night, but you have to be out before Charlie gets home

in the morning.

Hey, that's my side.

What? I have to sleep as far away from the closet as possible.

Why? Duh.

Monsters.

This is nice.

Yeah.

You know what?

Maybe Charlie's right.

Maybe if I didn't bail you out so much, you'd have your own job, an apartment.

Maybe you wouldn't be so dependent on me.

I'm not dependent on you.

Will you tickle my back so I can fall asleep?

Just saying. Maybe we are dysfunctional.

Well, of course we're dysfunctional. We're family.

I don't want you to go to Dad's.

Well, I don't either.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm being sensitive, but lately I get the impression that Charlie doesn't

want me here anymore.

I can't sleep.

I'm upset about Charlie.

The first promise we made to each other when we got married was that we'd never

go to bed angry.

Disappointed, perhaps, but not angry.

I'm gonna go make myself some tea.

Wait, Hope.

Yeah?

Could you?

Please?

Monsters, monsters, go away.

Come again another day.

If you don't, you'll surely pay.

Monsters, monsters, go away!

Honey? Honey?

Look,

I'm sorry about what I said earlier.

I turned around and came home because we've never gone to bed angry and I

didn't want to start now.

Aww.

Hey, did you eat a bowl of soup in bed?

Uh-uh.

Are you sure?

Because I believe this is your spoon.

What was that?

Mmm.

Mmm.

So, are you happy with your spoon?

Or do you think you need a fork?

I shouldn't have kicked Faith out. I should have given her a month to get a

job and move out.

If I had the chance to do it again, that's exactly what I'd do.

Really?

Really. I swear.

Mom, can I show you something?

Honey.

I think it's important that we don't all overreact here.

I mean, what family hasn't had this happen?

Hey, Hailey.

Nice rack.

So?

How is everything?

These waffles are cold.

And really...

That's because they're frozen waffles, silly.

One month, Faith.

That's all you get. Then you're moving out.

Fine with me.

60 days is all the time I'll need.

Where's Hope?

Oh, she went to take Hailey bra shopping.

That looks nice.

Quickly, she blossomed into womanhood.

Could you please take our picture?