Original subtitles

Michael, since it is your 15th anniversary at the company,

I thought it might be appropriate to begin the

festivities with a 15 minute round of applause.

I like it.

Followed by a 15 minute moment of silence.

I don't know.

Is it classy enough?

Jim, enough with the classy, okay?

Dwight, I'm very sorry that my wearing a tuxedo

is annoying you.

Last week, Dwight sent out a memo about the dress code,

so this is me showing him that I'm taking it very seriously.

You know what, I would like to know

what Jim has to say about this.

I just feel like after 15 years at this company,

bravo, by the way, that we should celebrate

with a very classy event, a night to remember.

I think you're right.

This party has to have all the excitement, drama,

and intrigue of my time here.

- And of course, classy. - And classy, yeah.

Michael, you're just agreeing with him

'cause he's wearing a tux.

Don't you see what he's doing here?

I think Michael's a little too classy

to fall for something like that.

Thank you, Pamela, I concur.

Okay, fine, moving on.

Next idea, oh, here's one, a string quartet

playing classical music.

(Jim inhaling)

Hmm, you know that's good, but it's not classy.

I, I need something classy,

like the opening of a car dealership.

- That's it, or Mr. Peanut. - Yes.

- Mr. Peanut is not classy. - He is.

He is a regular peanut, he just happens to have a cane,

a monocle, and a top hat.

That's what makes him classy, am I right?

Whoa, sushi-grade Tuna, very classy.

Meeting in progress, scram!

Okay, how about this, an ice sculpture shaped like you,

covered in chocolate covered strawberries.

- Mm. - Aw, Dwight,

you're trying too hard, and that's just not classy.

See, the thing about classy is it's a state of mind.

Well, I'm sorry, I just don't know what classy is then.

Okay, let's just try this one on for size,

and I apologize 'cause it's right off the top of my head,

(inhaling) an ice sculpture of you,

completely surrounded by a variety

- of chocolate covered fruits. - Strawberries?

- That's inspired. - I said that!

(door thudding)

- Not classy. - Not classy at all.

- Declasse. - French, classy.

(bright upbeat music)

(keyboard keys clicking)

(Charles sighing)

(door clicking)

Hi, can I help you?

Uh yeah, I'm Charles Miner, here to see Michael Scott.

Sure, just one second, please have a seat.

Thank you.

(phone ringing)

[Michael] Yes?

Michael, there's a Charles Miner here to see you.

Miner? I hardly know her.

Hello?

Yeah, are you coming out now?

Uh huh.

(phone clanking)

Well, well, well, who have we here?

Ah, it is Prince Charles Miner, at your service.

Everybody, this is Sir Charles Miner,

and he is the new VP for the Northeast region.

So just give it up for this big guy, right?

Give it up. (people clapping)

- Here he is. - Hey.

- There he is. - Hi.

- Hi everyone- - Wow! Hold that thought.

You know what?

I want everybody to go into the break room,

I have a little surprise for you.

Go ahead, you too.

Dwight, would you escort our guest in there?

Come on, here we go, don't be shy, don't be shy.

You're one of us.

Dwight, stall him a little bit,

I wanna get the fish.

- Hey. - Yes?

Really wish you would've told me

the new boss was coming today.

What? No, I didn't wanna make everybody nervous.

Nope, I mean I could've brought a change of clothes, or-

You looked dynamite, what are you talking about?

Very slick.

Okay, let me get the fish.

Originally founded in 1866,

Scranton quickly became one of Pennsylvania's

largest anthracite coal mining communities.

The nation's enormous need for energy during World War II

was slaked by extensive strip mining in the region.

Although in 1959, the Knox mining disaster

pretty much put an end to the industry.

- Abandoned in is mission- - Surprise!

There is nothing in here.

The real surprise is in the conference room.

Let's go! (hand thudding) Ow!

God, okay, come on, come on.

I'll finish it up later,

but essentially what we're talking about is...

Surprise!

As you can see, I turned the bagels from Os

into Cs, for Charles.

- Thank you. - Took me all night.

This is what you did last night?

I met this guy at corporate last week,

and we were just digging each other's vibe.

I was totally grooving on him, and vice versa.

And besides, the last two people to have his job

were Jan and Ryan.

The former was my lover, and the latter, my best friend.

So who knows?

I do.

It's gonna be met-o.

It's going to be mental.

Oh my God, he's like a Black George Clooney.

Really? I don't see it.

I mean he's okay, he's not unattractive, he's...

Hey, how you doing?

- I'm Jim Halpert from sales. - Hey.

Just wanted to say if you need anything, let me know.

Why are you wearing a tuxedo?

I didn't think you'd notice. (chuckling)

Uh, it's funny, actually, there's another salesman out here,

Dwight Schrute, he sent out this memo,

as he always does,

and it was about professionalism in the workplace.

And of course he singled me out.

So I just had to mess with him.

Uh.

Oh, you'd understand it if you read the memo,

which I should probably get you,

there's probably one in the drawer.

It was pretty crazy,

but not more crazy than wearing a tux at work-

- Right. - I grant you that.

- Okay. - So I'm gonna uh-

- Your name's Jim? - Jim Halpert, yep.

So just gonna let you get back to it, so...

He just had to wear his tux today.

I thought I'd be funny.

Took 'em 40 minutes to get ready.

In business school, they told us how to assess operations

and identify waste.

It is rare that the waste so readily identifies itself.

I'm telling you, when corporate sends somebody,

it is big trouble, or really good news.

And then again, sometimes it just means business as usual.

Okay, what are you thinking?

- Well, it's- - Why are you asking him?

I just told you why he's here.

The real question here is who's this guy work for?

Dunder Mifflin.

Oh, it's all starting to make sense now.

All right, let me introduce you to some of the troops.

Accounting, front and center, come on up here.

I'd like you to meet somebody.

This is the accounting department.

Hey, hey, I come from accounting too.

- Oh, nerd alert. - Not-

- This is Oscar Martinez. - Hey.

He is Latino,

and he just got out of a long term relationship,

with a man, Gil, who broke his heart,

but he didn't bring any of that into work.

It did not affect his job performance whatsoever,

and I'm very proud of him for that.

Hey Oscar, it's good to meet you.

- Nice to meet you. - Okay.

This little hell raiser is Angela.

She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office.

Right over there, the orange.

- Ay Yo. - Ay Yo, where's the other?

You know, Michael,

I don't need to know everyone's sexual history.

- Well. - Thanks.

Perfect, because we have now arrived at Kevin,

and he has no sexual (laughing) history.

Hey, I have had way more sex than you.

No, you have not. How many have you had?

- You say first. - Same time.

- Three. - 100.

Seven.

How 'bout I just say hi to everyone at one time?

Good, good good good.

Everyone, please give it up for Charles Miner.

(people clapping)

- Thank you, uh- - Hey.

Dwight, Dwight, cool it, come on.

Thank you, Michael.

Thank you for the C-shaped bagels.

- Bro, well. - Great, that's great.

Above and beyond.

Hey, you know, we're in tough times,

and we're not immune to this economy.

That's true.

But the goal is to, you know, fight our way through this.

(throat clearing) Stanley Hudson,

are there gonna be layoffs?

No, absolutely not.

Uh, hold on Michael, thank you.

Uh, Stanley, you know, we can't make any promises,

but we'll try everything in our power to avoid that.

Do you have specifics?

Spec, well, Michael should have filled you in last week.

Well, due to the economy,

there's a lot of worry going around,

- and I didn't wanna worry- - You didn't tell?

- People, well. - No.

Why don't?

Yeah, I, what I told Michael last-

Charles is gonna tell you.

Is that we are cutting 3% across the board,

which means we will no longer be matching

401k contributions, and all overtime requests

will need to come through the corporate office.

Fantastic.

Well, I am looking for ways to cut that 3%.

I think we should all start by all coming together,

and giving 103%.

Actually, Michael, it's not open for discussion.

- Well, it's not official. - It is official.

- Well, er. - It is official.

- Maybe. - And actually guys,

I'm encouraging branches to consider a freeze

on discretionary spending.

Such as salary, benefits, et cetera, et cetera, insurance.

Not salaries.

- Petty cash. - Right.

Supplies, and you know, parties, things like that.

- Well- - What about your party?

No, well then, okay, okay.

You know what?

I think this has been great.

I think this gives us a lot to think about, doesn't it?

Charles Miner, ladies and gentlemen,

he has a long trip home. (people clapping)

Thank you for coming in, we have to get back to work.

Michael, I'm gonna stay for the day.

Oh no, no, no, you don't have to do that.

I've got this covered, this was just a meet and greet.

You don't need to-

No, this is a little more involved than that.

I'm gonna set up in here, okay?

I am thrilled that the new boss

has taken such an active interest

in all of the responsibilities that I'm supposed to have.

David, it was my understanding

that I was not going to be managed.

[David] What gave you that idea?

- It was my understanding. - I see.

Listen, why, why don't we just leave that position vacant?

Truth be told, I think I thrive

under a lack of accountability.

[David] Look, Michael, Charles is very qualified.

Get to know him, I really think the two of you

are gonna make a great team.

But the branch is still mine?

[David] You're still the branch manager, yes.

I'm going to need to see that in writing.

[David] It is in your contract,

your branch manager contract.

But I will need that in writing.

I'm just kidding. (chuckling)

But it would actually give me comfort

if, if I could see it.

[David] Okay then, and if you need anything else at all,

just let Charles know.

Ask him about the party.

Oh right, David, are you coming

to my 15th anniversary party?

[David] I'll give it my best shot, Michael.

No, no, no, no, the other thing.

Oh, okay.

If we hire Cirque Du Soleil as salaried employees,

will that help us with the year-end tax stuff?

You think he hung up?

[David] No.

I am nothing if not professional.

And if Charles is going to be my boss,

then it is my job, no, it is my profession

to get to know him and to show him

exactly what I bring to this branch,

which is competence and success,

and above all laughter, and professionalism,

and above all, a sense of whimsy.

So we're considering upgrading company-wide,

it's a live chat for customer service.

What kind of cologne is that?

What?

What kind of cologne are you wearing?

Oh, I'm not, uh, wearing cologne.

Are you telling me you just smell like that naturally?

I'm wearing my son's cologne.

(knuckles tapping)

Meredith, "Slum Dog Millionaire?"

Charles, may I have a minute of your time?

Uh yeah, I have one minute.

Why don't you guys leave?

Okay, nice to see you again, Charles.

Okay, Kelly, thank you.

Uh Meredith, thank you.

(throat clearing) (sighing) What's up?

- Hi Charles. - Hi Michael.

Chow-we.

"Chow-we bit my finga, Chow-we bit my finga.

Ow, ow, Chow-we bit my finga-"

- Michael- - YouTube, classic.

- Okay. - Oh, still raining,

can you believe it?

So much rain.

It's humid also.

Is there something I can do for you?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

I just got off the horn with David Wallace,

and he said that you and I

should try to get to know each other better, and I agree.

So what I would like you to do

is tell me something that you've never told anybody before.

- No. - Come on,

what's your wife's name?

Where did you work before you came here?

- Saticoy Steel. - Beautiful.

See, African Americans have such a rich history

of unusual names.

No, I worked at a company called Saticoy Steel.

Ss, you're, you're not from paper?

- No. - Does David know this?

Yeah, he knows, he just wants a good manager.

Oh, well that actually is a excellent segue

into really what is my only point.

- Yeah, what is that? - And that is,

I, I don't need to be managed, Charles.

And if you wanna pick up some tips,

observing here, and take 'em to the other branches,

it's all good.

But Jan would mostly come by when she was super horny,

and Ryan would come by to visit his parents and do laundry.

So, are we clear?

That's not how I plan on doing things.

Okay, okay.

Well, I'll just bounce that off David,

see what comes back.

I'll tell David what he needs to know.

David wants it this way.

- Well, whatever David wants. - Okay.

Michael Scott calling for David.

Well, just tell him to call me ASAP as possible, thanks.

Oh, Michael, come on.

No, you have to charm 'em.

(phone ringing)

[Stephanie] David Wallace's office.

Hey there, gorgeous, how you doing today?

[Stephanie] I'm good, thank you.

- How's it hanging? - All right?

Good, listen, my name is Michael Scotch,

and just wanted to say that I've got David Wallace's son

in the trunk of my car.

If he doesn't get on this phone-

- My God, no- - In five seconds,

- I'm gonna start- - Idiot, idiot, idiot,

- what are you doing? - You've got to-

God!

Oh my God.

(phone ringing)

[Stephanie] David Wallace's office.

Hi Stephanie, it's Michael Scott again.

I just spoke with Michael Scotch,

and the son's going to be returned, everything's fine.

[Stephanie] Michael.

And I really, really need to talk to David.

[Stephanie] Please hold.

[Charles] Charles Miner.

Hello?

Hello, who is this?

- Who is this? - I was never given a name.

(Michael exhaling)

(Jim yawning)

(blinds rattling)

Oh, look at me in my pretty tuxedo.

I'm so pretty and carefree, and I don't need glasses,

and oh, what's that?

An objective outside observer doesn't find me amusing?

(snorting) Hysterical.

Uh, hi, can I help you?

- I don't think anyone here- - Oh, um, Pam?

Uh, hey, everyone, uh, lunch is on me today.

- Wow. - Hey.

Here you go, just put it with that-

- Wow, that is so unnecessary. - Are you kidding me with this?

On the day that I bring in breakfast?

I mean, it's no big deal.

- I wish you had told us sooner. - Right.

Because I was going to go to the vending machine,

- and get an egg salad. - You still have that option.

(Michael sighing)

- Thanks again, Charles. - You're welcome.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

- Nobody thanked me. - Thanks Charles.

For breakfast, except Charles.

(Charles sighing)

You say no more parties,

and then you spend all this money on lunch.

I think it's a little hypercritical.

Hypocritical, you mean hypocritical, Michael?

No, I mean hypercritical,

because it's even more accentuated.

I do this for every branch I go to.

If you do not like it, then I think there are some bagels

leftover from this morning.

David, Stephanie, put me through to him.

Is that him in the background?

David?

David, David, pick off the phone.

Oh, excuse me, Charles.

Just gonna grab one.

Um, pardon me, just so crowded in here.

Just go.

Yeah, sorry.

Oh my gosh, should I seduce him?

No, no one wants to see that.

Charles doesn't like Kelly.

Charles is looking for someone more like him,

serious, competent, someone who shares his background,

accounting, I'm gonna find someone great for him.

- Michael. - Okay, yep?

I just realized that I used the 2008 calendar

to do the spreadsheets for January and February.

I may need to come in this weekend to fix it.

Do some overtime, wanna do some overtime this weekend?

You know what, Kevin?

I applaud your initiative.

- Yes, you may- - No, sorry Michael.

No, Kevin, right?

Gonna need you to do that during office hours.

- Okay. - Okay, thank you.

Kevin, this is my branch.

You don't ask Charles, you ask me.

I say approved.

That's not the way it's gonna work.

- Yes it is. - No, it is not.

No, it is not.

Okay, so we're on the same page, great.

Okay, so we're on the same page, great.

- Okay, Michael. - Okay, Michael.

- No, seriously? - No, seriously.

- How old are you? - How old are you?

- Oh, no. - Okay, (chuckling).

I can tell Michael's mood

by which comedy routine he chooses to do.

The more infantile, the more up upset he is.

And he just skipped the "Ace Ventura" talking butt thing.

He never skips it.

This is bad.

- Five years old. - Five years old.

- Dude, stop. - Michael.

- Michael! - Michael!

- That's great, that's great. - That's great.

- Stop it! - Michael!

- Stop doing that. - I'm gonna walk away.

I'm gonna walk away.

- You need to stop doing that. - I'm kidding around, wow!

Relax, everybody, it's just a joke.

Note to self, new guy cannot take a joke.

Oh, I can take a joke, I can take a joke.

Yeah, I know, I know, I know,

- we're just kidding around. - Right.

It's fine, it's fine.

Oy, so touchy.

PPC, let's continue our morning meeting

in the conference room, let's get to it.

- Michael, let's- - PPC.

You know what?

No, I don't have a problem being micro managed.

Just don't come into my branch,

and tell me exactly what to do.

That's micro management, and I will not stand for that.

Is it just me, or does Charles seem sort of weird?

No, it was weird how he was saying everything

- right before you said it. - Yeah, that was weird.

He's, oh, it's just nice to be with friends,

not have somebody barking at you.

This silence, it's nice to hear the silence.

Maybe we should talk about your party.

Shh, yes, let's talk about my party.

Hey Phyllis, I have a question,

what exactly is the PPC?

Oh, that's the Party Planning Committee.

They spend hours planning parties.

- Hours? - Mhm.

I built that house.

(laughing) I can burn it down.

And then out of that cake pops another stripper,

holding a smaller cake,

and then an even smaller stripper pops outta that one.

What is that smaller stripper holding?

- A cupcake. - Nice.

It's cupcakes and strippers all the way down.

- Okay. - Excuse me guys.

- What's going on in here- - Party Planning Committee,

not your concern, Charles.

This doesn't seem like a good way to spend company time.

Oh, all right, well, the Party Planning Committee

is an institution in this institution.

It is something that I incorporated in the mid '90s

to celebrate the laser disc release

of "A League of Their Own."

It has become a tradition here.

It is something that is important to all of us.

What did we do for "League of Their Own" party?

- A pizza of your own party. - Exactly.

Make your own pizza.

I didn't even work here then, I just heard the stories.

Okay, thank you, Dwight.

That should take five minutes of one person's day.

- Really? - Five minutes.

Well then how would we come up with great ideas like Jim's?

Go ahead.

No, I'd like to get back to work, actually guys.

[Charles] What you got, Jim?

No, I...

What is a two-way petting zoo?

You pet the animals, they pet you back.

That's a great idea, and we have a cake

in the shape of a bale of hay.

It's really just a regular shaped cake.

But it's cool, and it's, it-

This isn't a good use of company time, Michael.

Whoa, you're talking about my anniversary party, so.

Okay, everyone except for Michael, go back to your desks.

- Yeah, why don't you do that. - Thank you very much.

- Yeah, here we go. - Okay.

- Okay. - Okay, Michael,

I'm dissolving this committee.

- What? - Yeah, I mean, come on.

This is a workplace, it isn't designed for your vanity.

Newsflash, I've been here for 15 years.

Headline, you have been here one day, end of story.

You have no right to cancel my 15th anniversary party.

- End of story. - I don't care-

- End of story, end of story. - If I've hurt your feelings,

or you do not agree with my methods, but it is over.

Okay, no, no, no, no, no.

You know what?

I'm going to New York,

and I am going to talk to David Wallace.

I'm going to tell him everything.

And I'm sorry to say, you're screwed, and you know what?

You are gonna be through, and I'm sorry,

- I'm sorry to do that to you. - Right.

Do you even know how paper is made?

It's not like steel, you don't put it into a furnace.

If you put paper into a furnace,

do you know what would happen?

You'd ruin it.

(door slamming)

Well, on the plus side,

Michael's taken some of the heat off Jim, maybe?

Kendall had a 15-year party at this big club in New York,

that I heard was great, and he's a dick.

15 years, you know?

You're gonna take away a man's 15-year party?

It's a long time.

I met Ed Truck, I met Todd Packer.

Truck is dead.

If I had planted a tree when I first started,

you could turn that into paper by now.

- He really doesn't like me. - But you look so dapper.

Thank you.

I'm working so hard, I was hitting the phones,

I closed a sale, I updated my contacts-

- Busy day, Jim? - What, I?

Hey, go tell him you updated your contact list.

I would tell him if it...

You're mocking me?

Really, today, like I don't have enough going on?

- I'm sorry, have a candy. - Thank you.

Sweetie, do you mind eating that at your desk?

I don't want him to keep seeing us together.

(knuckles thumping)

Come in.

- Hey. - Hey.

All right, Charles, I gotta be honest,

I think we really got off on the wrong foot here.

And truth be told, I'm a pretty smart guy,

and a hard worker,

and I'm a great number two for the office.

Number two?

Second in command to Michael.

Oh, I, I didn't know that position existed.

Oh, that's because at first

it was a made up position for Dwight,

just to make him feel better,

assistant to the regional manager.

But then he lost that, and Michael gave it to me.

So you're the assistant to the regional manager?

Assistant regional manager, yeah.

Any responsibilities come with it?

Mm, no, not exactly.

Do you want to keep this made up position?

It's important to you?

All right, I will just,

I'm just gonna let you get back to that.

- Yeah, would you? - Yep.

Thanks.

Hello, Stephanie, okay, where is he?

Don't tell me he's in a meeting.

Why don't you just have a seat, he'll be with-

- Is he in the bathroom? - He-

Just tell me, is he in the bathroom?

Excuse me, is this new?

(Sighing) Oh.

(door clicking)

Oh come on.

Hey, do you have the code?

(door clicking)

Michael?

What are you-

So is this the meeting you've been in all day?

How did you get here, Michael?

I drove.

Okay (sighing).

Canceled my 15th anniversary party,

just pulled the rug out from under me.

He said no figs, I've already bought 'em,

and I don't have a place to store 'em.

So I feel like I've been sort of boned.

Michael, yes-

Did you talk to him about this?

Yeah, I-

You've talked to him all day, obviously.

[David] Right.

Did you talk to him about this?

Well, I didn't know about the figs specifically,

- yeah, and- - No, okay,

then I don't get it.

It doesn't make any sense to me,

because I thought in the new system

that I was supposed to talk to Charles,

and then Charles was supposed to talk to you,

and that would dilute any need from me

to ever talk to you that again.

That's not exactly the new system

I, clearly, that's what you wanted.

- No- - 15 years I've been here,

and I have sacrificed a lot.

Yes.

I've put having a family on hold.

We didn't ask you to do that.

And I've never gone hang gliding,

and I've never driven my car to the top of Mount Washington.

Okay, nice meeting everyone.

[Jim] All right.

And I'll see you in a couple of weeks.

- Cool. - Excellent.

It was very nice meeting you, Charles Miner.

Okay.

See ya.

See ya.

Bye!

And for my next trick, I will make my career disappear.

I could see our kids facing obstacles,

being half Black and half Indian,

but it's so worth it, you guys.

There's just me here.

I am gonna get him to buy me a prime rib tonight.

- I think he left. - What?

Move!

[Angela] Hello, Charles.

Charles?

Hey, is that his scarf?

No.

Charles and Kelly, absolutely not.

He is a sophisticated man.

He does not need to go dumpster diving

for companionship, okay. (sighing)

I don't understand that after 15 years of service here,

I have to get in the car and drive to New York

in order to talk to you.

That doesn't seem right to me.

That doesn't seem fair, and I think

that I've earned more than that.

Yeah.

You're right, yes, I get it, I get it, Michael.

- Okay. - Here's what I'm gonna do.

(sighing) Okay.

We will move some money around,

and I will personally see to it that you have your party,

you have your figs.

I will be in attendance, it's gonna be great.

How's that?

(Michael sighing)

- I quit. - What?

Michael?

You have no idea how high I can fly.

(door clicking)

No, Mom, I don't know if I did the right thing.

It's just, it's just what I did, okay?

Don't put Jeff on the phone.

I don't, please, I don't wanna.

Hello, Sir, how are your trains?

Uh huh, yes, I'm fine.

I have a savings account, I,

I don't know.

Uh huh.

I will.

Okay.

Dork.

(bright upbeat music)