Original subtitles

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-

♪ Love is in the air ♪

♪ Everywhere I look around ♪

♪ Love is in the air ♪

♪ Every sight and every sound ♪

♪ And I don't know if I'm being foolish ♪

♪ Don't know if I'm being wise ♪

♪ But it's something that I must believe in ♪

Yo, yo. What do we got?

♪ And it's there when I look in your eyes ♪

- Allie M. Allie M. - Yeah, we got one right here.

Let me see that. $50 tip?

Whoo! Everyone's in a good mood tonight.

$50!

- Have a good one. - Good night.

- ♪ Love is in the air... ♪ - Oh, oh.

Ah.

- Let me get you another one. - No, no, no, no,

- we're just trying to eat it real quick. -No, it's fine.

- It's... - Everything matters.

♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh ♪

♪ Love is in the air... ♪

To start the night...

off right.

You wouldn't want to join us, would you?

Nah, but you guys have fun. Have a great night.

- Appreciate it. Thank you. - Bye.

Make it count.

Yo, Owen.

It's 4:45, bro. You're killing us.

Yeah, come on, boss.

Yeah, you're right. The rush is over.

Ed, Ana, you're up.

- Let's get out of here. - Finally.

- Let's go, boys. - Let's fucking go!

Thank you for working tonight.

Ah, we're old married fuddy-duddies.

This is your day.

You go out there, and you leave it all on the field.

He's got a girlfriend.

I know. But it's a long night.

Just be careful, yeah?

Of course.

But try many, many things.

You don't want to wake up staring at a year

of what-could-have-beens.

- Have fun tonight. - Thank you.

Good job today. Thanks for working today, boys.

Lucky bastards.

No seas sucio.

- Hey, Will. - Yo.

- Good luck, all right? - You, too, man.

- We got to get a year's worth in 12 hours. -

♪ You can be amazing, you can turn ♪

♪ A phrase into a weapon or a drug ♪

- Hey, Owen. - I got you a pie.

♪ You can be the outcast or be the backlash ♪

- Oh. After you. - ♪ Of somebody's lack of love ♪

See you later. Have fun.

♪ Or you can start speaking up ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do ♪

♪ When they settle 'neath your skin ♪

♪ Kept on the inside and no sunlight ♪

♪ Sometimes a shadow wins ♪

♪ But I wonder what would happen if you ♪

♪ Say what you wanna say ♪

♪ And let your clear skin out ♪

♪ Say goodbye to plaque psoriasis ♪

♪ Say what you wanna say ♪

♪ And let your clear skin out ♪

♪ Honestly, I wanna use Leventave. ♪

-

Great. Let's just really make sure we hear "psoriasis."

That is a very hard word to sing.

Allie, it's a very hard thing to have.

"Pso-ri-a-sis."

Okay, yes, happily.

But, um, I do think that there could be something fun there

if we change the melody a little bit.

Just to subvert expectations. I think...

The clients have different expectations:

to make it easy for people to understand and remember

when they're talking to their doctors.

Yeah, but we could play with it and have fun with it.

We're shooting this tomorrow, Allie.

Let's just do it the way they're paying you to.

I really want to get out of here before the night starts.

- You do, too, right? - I'll give you a series.

- ♪ Plaque psoriasis ♪

♪ Psoriasis, psoriasis, say... ♪

Side effects may include dizziness,

internal bleeding, hallucinations, sweaty hands

and sometimes death.

- Hey. Hey. - Oh. Hi.

Mwah.

- You okay? - Yeah.

- You look amazing. - Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- You look great. - Well, so do you.

I-I haven't seen that shirt since Brittany's

- engagement party. - That's... Yeah.

It's your favorite, so I put it on.

Uh, this is so fancy.

I really thought we were gonna do something more casual.

I'm full of surprises.

No, you're not. You're, like, super programmed.

No, I'm not.

- All right. - Oh.

Bluefin tuna and mackerel.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

No soy sauce.

Wha...

Omakase.

Set menu.

- Exciting. - Yeah. Very.

-

This night's gotten out of hand.

Really? Like, there can still be love involved, huh?

Uh-huh.

No mandate can take that away from me and you.

I'm going to sleep with someone else tonight.

♪ Makin' my way downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' fast, faces pass, and I'm homebound ♪

Sorry.

♪ Starin' blankly ahead, just makin' my way ♪

♪ Makin' my way through the crowd ♪

♪ If I could fall into the sky ♪

♪ Would my vagina be just fine? ♪

♪ 'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles ♪

♪ To get some Vag-a-Clear ♪

♪ V-V-V-Vag-a-Clear ♪

♪ Vag-a-Clear. ♪

Hey-oh.

- Hi, honey. - What is happening?

What's wrong?

We said tasteful and elegant.

This is a tea-length.

Okay, well, this is a V-length because the boots go up...

- Jacinta, come on. - What?

We were gonna take our time tonight.

- And we were gonna find a good one. -We are.

No mandate meat for us.

This is about finding our prince.

Or just, like, a good guy.

We're gonna stick together. We're gonna make good choices.

Unlike last year.

We both took L's last year.

Yeah.

You had Sebastian, the ghoster.

I had Carl, the backpack guy.

He slept in a backpack.

He slept in a backpack.

Wait, wait, wait.

To finding true love

on the least romantic night of the year.

Just 'cause we failed the other 364

doesn't mean we need to lower our standards for...

For some dusty dick.

Honestly, the chance of having great sex

on a one-night stand is like 2.8%.

Actually, Eileen met her boyfriend last year.

And Sammy two years ago.

All right, I'm gonna pee. You scout.

But look.

- Don't touch. -Okay.

Where is this coming from?

In this new world,

in this government-decreed sexual climate,

it's hard to figure out how to navigate.

We're all in the same boat, Malika.

I'm navigating, too.

I owe it to myself to explore this.

Explore? You hate trying new things.

I had to beg you to come to this restaurant.

If I have to eat one more Little Gem salad,

my head is gonna explode.

Monkfish liver, sweet shrimp.

No soy sauce.

Thank you.

Chef recommends you eat right away.

- Thank you. - Does the chef also recommend

that my girlfriend have sex with someone else tonight?

- I will check. - Okay, great. Thank you.

Salvatore Schulhoffer-Lopez.

What?

- That guy from our building. - Yeah, I know who

Salvatore Schulhoffer-Lopez is.

I told him about the apartment for rent in our building.

I wasn't looking for anything.

I just kept running into him.

I keep running into Vladimir,

but I don't plan on fucking our super in 54 minutes.

This is an abnormal request,

but it's under abnormal circumstances.

It's not you.

I know. It's Salvatore Schulhoffer-Lopez.

You can explore, too.

I trust you, and... and I think it will be good for you.

I-I think that you need something

to help you get out of your box.

I also need the apartment tonight.

Why? He lives in the building.

Yeah, I just... I think it would be weird

knowing you're so close by.

Oh, that's the weird part of this?

You know what this means, right?

I choose to believe that

if we're supposed to work through this, we will.

I'm sorry, Owen.

Um, sea eel.

Uh, Hokkaido scallop.

And the chef doesn't recommend that your girlfriend

sleep with somebody else tonight.

Thank you.

♪ Get my boyfriend's attention ♪

Allie?

♪ This one's just for me, myself and I... ♪

Oh, my God, it is you.

Sebastian?

I-I know you're not gonna believe this,

but I've been looking for you all year.

I, uh...

- I could not forget you. - Oh.

All I had was your first name.

I thought you blew me off.

Never, mi amor.

♪ All of my body... ♪

Allie?

She's daydreaming.

Oh, yeah, she does this. She's a creative.

Allie?

- This is Tejan. - Hello.

We met in line for the bathroom.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

- I'm Tejan. - Don't kill me.

- Please don't kill me. - Oh, Jacinta, no.

It's not even 7:00.

- Mm-mm. - You're screwing me.

No, I'm screwing him.

I'm sorry.

What happened to taking our time

and finding our prince?

No offense, Tejan.

I actually am a prince.

From Wakanda.

-I'm kidding. -He's so funny.

I'm from Sierra Leone, and I live in Brooklyn now.

But I am a prince.

Soup dumplings.

- What? No. - Mm-hmm.

Yeah, he's a prince. Soup dumplings.

- No, not soup dumplings. - Is that your code word?

It was, Your Highness. It was.

I'm sorry. Come here.

Oh, my God, I am so pissed at you.

- Is your location on? - Yeah. Is yours?

- Yeah. - Okay. All right.

- I love you. - Yeah, I love you, too.

- It was very nice meeting you. - Mm.

And I truly do hope tonight you find your 2.8%.

You told him that?

In line for the bathroom?

It was a long line. We talked a lot.

So lovely meeting you.

- What is... Oh. - Oh, wow.

God, he smells good.

Yeah. He smells great.

- All right. - Let's go.

The American people wanted this mandate.

We wanted to go back to a time when sex was reserved

for the sanctity of marriage.

Since our resolution passed, teen pregnancy is near zero,

STIs are at record lows,

and now it's a badge of honor to be an incel.

- When the mandate

passed three years ago, your enforcement technology

proved to be faulty.

How have you rectified this?

As you know, the good folks at Rexton Labs,

a proud American company,

have helped us reestablish our values around intimacy

by outfitting every American with a biosensor.

Green if you're married, red if you're not.

Are you ready for your special drink?

- I'll bring them over. - No, no, no.

I'll just... I'll take them.

- You sure? - Yeah. Thank you.

Good luck.

You're gonna have a busy first year.

♪ Dopamine ♪

♪ Dopamine ♪

♪ I know it's just dopamine ♪

♪ But it feels so real to me... ♪

Right now in America,

people are counting down the seconds until it is legal

for nonmarried adults to have sex.

Why do you have an exception for this one night?

I guess that's what sets us apart from... other places.

Here, politics require compromise.

But on this night, we have made

the use of protection mandatory.

Xièxi.

Flavor Flav says,

let's go, New York!

Yeah, boy. Ten...

...nine, eight, seven,

six, five, four,

three, two, one.

♪ I know it's just dopamine ♪

♪ But it feels so real to me ♪

♪ I'm tripping on our chemistry ♪

♪ It's firing up inside of me ♪

♪ I just need to know ♪

♪ That I'm not alone ♪

-

♪ I know it's just dopamine ♪

♪ But it feels so real to me ♪

-

♪ This is one of those ones where ♪

♪ You've just gotta give in ♪

♪ I'm gonna give it my all ♪

♪ This time it's gonna be whatever ♪

♪ And that's cool ♪

♪ I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve ♪

♪ I need to get out of this rubber coat ♪

♪ Baby, round upside my mind ♪

♪ I know it's just dopamine ♪

♪ But it feels so real to me ♪

♪ I'm tripping on our chemistry ♪

♪ It's firing up inside of me ♪

♪ I just need to know ♪

♪ That I'm not alone ♪

♪ I know it's just dopamine ♪

♪ But it feels so real to me. ♪

Jesus, Owen.

You look like shit.

Hey, Ma.

" by Rocks & Pearls playing quietly]

What are you doing home?

Oh, Jacinta met a prince.

- Mm. - Literally.

Of course she did.

What are you doing home?

Babysitting.

- What? - Nothing baby about me.

And the only sitting that needs to be done

is on my face.

No. Give me this.

Uh, uh, how old are you?

He's 12, and he doesn't understand a word he's saying.

My name's Troy, but you can call me Tea Bag.

Sit.

Who?

He lives across the street.

His mom lost her sitter,

so she offered me $5,000 to watch him.

- $5,000? - Period.

Surge pricing, babe.

What about your night?

Tonight is for the straights.

We've been dancing around your laws

since before the Bible. Hey!

- Put it down. - Okay.

But both of you will look much hotter with this.

I hate this kid.

He sucks.

I never really liked her, if I'm being honest.

You don't have to say that. You're always being honest.

I just don't think she appreciated you

for all that you are.

You have to say that. You're my mom.

That's not true.

Your brother's kind of an asshole.

If I'm being honest.

I'm sorry, honey.

Oh, Christ, your hand is freezing.

And it's all red.

Have you been checked for Raynaud's syndrome?

You know it runs on your father's side of the family.

That and having a girlfriend on Long Island.

I had it all planned out.

Yeah, I know you did, baby.

Life doesn't work that way.

Really think you should get out there tonight.

Nah, I think I'm just gonna stay here.

No, you should go out. Just call your friends.

Call Devin, Luis, whoever.

But they're all married now.

- Really? - Yeah.

Since when?

Since they couldn't take the mandate anymore.

Goddamn mandate.

Well, you can't stay here, Owen.

Why?

I'm gonna be having sex with Rick tonight.

Rick?

Hey, pal.

You know, I didn't even know you were here.

- Right back at you. - Yeah, Owen's just leaving.

Sorry to overhear about your girlfriend.

He's gonna get back out there tonight.

It's the perfect night for it.

A million fish in the barrel, ready to get shot.

It's a blessing. She blessed you with this.

She's gonna be getting pipe,

- so you might as well lay some. - Rick.

That's what this night is. Don't shoot the messenger.

I didn't vote for the mandate.

No one voted for it. It was passed by Congress.

Which is a group of representatives

- that we all vote for. - See, that's what happens

- with one-issue voters. - Nobody keeps their

- campaign promises anymore. - It's passed by old men...

- Besides, Big Tech... - It's... No, Big Tech has

- nothing to do with it. - ...has its thumbs on vote--

It was an ideological grenade thrown by old men

- who are not affected by it! - Women voted for it, too,

Gloria Steinem!

You got to go, honey.

Ooh, yeah, you got to go.

Yep.

Love potion, ten dollar.

White boy, love potion for tonight.

- No, no, I'm okay, thank you. - Five dollar for you.

Five dollar. White boy, white boy.

Oh, no, no.

No, no, no. Stop.

No sad songs.

No "woe is me."

Woe is not you.

- Woe is kind of me. - Oh, get over it.

- Let's go. Come on. - I...

Get up. If you're gonna be doing this by yourself,

you need to look like a shiny object,

something that screams, "Hey, everybody, I'm down to clown."

I'm neither down nor a clown.

Wait, I know. Wait there.

Blow that out.

My ex left this.

Suzanne?

Mm-mm. Francesca.

Oh. But... - Uh... no.

Come on, get up. The night's already started.

Cuffing season's almost over.

Put your arms up.

- Let's go! - Oh, wow.

- Come on. - But Francesca was, like,

cool and confident and...

- And? - Hot.

Hey, so are you. Step into that.

This is tiny.

You just got to find someone creative and-and smart,

and someone who's not afraid to get a little...

Wait. Shoes.

Are you sure this isn't a top?

I feel like everything's out.

- You got to wear these. - Whose were those?

- Meghan's. - What happened to Meghan?

You know, she was acting, and then she met the guy.

I mean, she's always been a princess anyway.

- I mean, the shoes fit... - It's a lot of this.

No, no, if there's one night for it,

- it's tonight. - Ooh.

- You sure? - Yes. Let it.

'Cause maybe if it had a snap?

Wait. Let me see.

I mean, you look...

deserving.

But you need a purse.

Oh.

Do you have a condom?

- Girl. - Right. Sorry.

Jacinta took our stash.

If you want to holla at your boy, I'm holdin'.

- Get out! - Hey.

Jesus. Here.

"Wide fit"?

How you like me now, auntie?

5,000 isn't enough.

Uh-uh. You got duped.

- Oh, God. - Oh, I-I'm so sorry.

- I'm sorry. - Are you all right?

- Yeah, no, it's okay. - Are you? Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah. You?

Yeah. I'll make it.

I was...

Uh, yeah.

You headed out for the...

Uh, yeah.

- You?

Yeah. Yeah.

I guess so.

Someone in particular or...?

Or.

Or.

I'm Owen.

Allie.

Oh, my...

- God. Ugh. - I'm so sorry.

I ate two omakases, chef's choice sushi.

It was really expensive. I had to eat 'em.

- What? - My girlfriend left,

and I'd already ordered them.

Ugh.

She's not my girlfriend, actually.

She was meant to be my fiancée, but now she's neither.

Get it together, dude.

-

I'm sorry.

Get the... Get off!

Let go!

Help! Somebody help me!

Get off! My bag!

Hey, man, stop.

- Let go! - Hey! -MUGGER: Let go!

- What are you doing, man? Stop. -

- NYPD! - Police!

- Freeze! - Freeze!

- Hey. - Cut, cut, cut.

What do you mean "cut"?

- What? - Why are we cutting?

- Who said cut? -Why? - Got to go again.

- Who are you? - What?

What are you doing here? You didn't see all the cameras?

- What do you mean? - Cameras everywhere, bro.

We're shooting a movie.

You couldn't wait 30 fucking seconds?

Now we got to redo the whole thing, dude.

- My girl's waiting for me. - I thought there was a robbery.

You know what? I think we got it. We got it, right?

We paint this mook out VFX, right?

- We good? - Nope. Got to go again.

- What? -No! - Going again.

- Ugh! -Why would you make a movie today?

- Today's the night. - Yeah, dude. No paparazzi.

- Yeah. -Right? No kids with the fucking TikTok, right?

Everybody's in their houses, right, getting it done.

- It's nice to meet you. - Hi. I know. Thank you.

Well, I mean, you got to have someone, right?

Look at you. Fucking face.

No.

- Really? - What's wrong with you?

There's nothing wrong with me.

- I'm sorry, man. That sucks. - Yeah, sorry.

- It'll be okay. - Nothing wrong with me.

- I just... um... - I'm sorry. -Sorry.

- Sir, sir. - Yeah, sorry, man.

- Good luck. - Yeah, come with me.

I can't believe he doesn't have anybody.

- It's weird, right? - Yeah.

He's so hot, I thought...

I mean, I-I'd fuck that guy, you know?

-

You waiting on someone?

No.

Just taking a break?

Something like that.

So, what can I get you?

Something to help me forget

about the last three years of my life,

- in a dirty glass. - I get it.

Single bitches be crazy tonight.

Could always be worse.

Why do you think she would do this tonight?

I mean, that picture you showed me of the guy...

he's pretty good-looking.

It was on LinkedIn.

Those are all bullshit headshots.

Look. Is he really that much better than me?

Mm.

Look, sometimes you just want something different, okay?

And tonight's the night to explore.

See all these Doras?

They're all just looking for their Diegos.

They're cousins.

- Really? - Yeah. Their moms are sisters.

If anything, Diego would be getting with the map.

Or maybe Backpack, but later in college.

You know what? I bet you she thinks I can't do it.

That I'll be too upset.

Too upset. Yeah.

Yeah, that's her plan.

She gets with that bus driver...

I think it said that he's a pilot.

Right, she gets to have her one night

thinking I'm gonna be all by myself,

too upset to do anything, she gets her little fix

and then comes running back to me.

Well, fuck that. This dog's gonna hunt.

- Go off, king. - You know what she called me?

She called me a nice guy.

Do I look like a nice guy?

- Is... is she okay?

- I think she needs some water. - Listen.

You do seem like a nice guy.

- No, no, no, no. - But I swear it's a good thing.

No woman wants to be with a nice guy.

If you were single, would you want to have sex with me?

What makes you think I'm not single?

'Cause you're working tonight.

Until my shift ends in 30 minutes.

That mean you want to hang out?

God, you really have been out of the game, haven't you?

See you in 30 minutes.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Cool. - Cool.

You have protection, right?

- Yeah. - Okay.

I'm just gonna get some air.

Okay.

See you in a bit.

Hey.

Hey, you should drink that.

Just drink it.

Great. Now I'm getting roofied.

Hey, buddy. You have any condoms?

- That's it? - Nah.

- None? - Ain't got none.

Hi.

Hi.

Crazy night.

Andrew.

Allie.

I got a 1:40 available.

It's only a 20-minute block,

but your dress should save us some time.

Uh, no, thank you, Andrew.

♪ Get lost forever ♪

♪ Nice try ♪

♪ Get out the way ♪

♪ You're in our way... ♪

So, my firm was one of the first angels in on Rexton Labs.

Every sensor on a wrist,

that's five boodles in our pocket.

There are 266 million people in this country over 18.

You do the math.

1.3 billion.

Mama!

I'm bringing someone home for Thanksgiving!

- Yippee-ay-oh, K-Y! - Yippee-ay-oh, K-Y!

- Yippee-ay-oh, K-Y! - Yippee-ay-oh, K-Y!

- Make your one night smooth! - Try it. Yippee-ay-oh, K-Y!

- Yippee-ay-oh, K-Y! - Yippee-ay-oh, K-Y!

Yeah! Yippee-ay-oh, K-Y!

Yippee-ay-oh, K-Y!

It tracks dopamine, oxytocin and testosterone levels.

So if it spikes when it's close to another one

with elevated levels, bam!

It flashes red, and the authorities are alerted via 5G.

So we're developing a pill that masks dopamine.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but couldn't that also lead

to the cure for Parkinson's?

There's no money in that shit.

- Wow. - Enough small talk.

We swiping right, or what's the dilly?

I can palm that card in my hand like so,

and all I have to do is blow.

And the card dissolves...

...and disappears completely.

That's amazing.

I think you have something in your...

No.

You have something in your...

♪ I hope you're gonna get out soon ♪

Hi.

Do you have any more?

All gone.

Ay, mi pinga.

Be safe tonight.

I have to be honest, I've met a lot of crazy people tonight.

I have met lunatics.

It's like they all come out on this one night.

And they're like zombies, just preying on all of us.

- It's a literal nightmare. - Right?

Is there no normal person who hasn't found their person yet?

So, want to do him first, then me,

or me, then him, or maybe surprise us?

Or both of us at the same time?

- Oh, that's fun. - Yeah.

Sort of a human Jenga situation.

His top, my bottom.

Or we could do it hangman style.

- Or we could switch it up. - Both of us from under.

- With a little tickle. - The tickle thing?

Tickle from the back and front at the same time?

That sounds good, right?

On your side or on your back or...

- Side. Side. - Side.

That is sad.

Like, really sad, like...

You win the gold medal at the Sad Song Olympics.

Would you mind if I...

toss my hat into the ring?

Sure.

It's very sad.

Thanks.

My parents are German.

♪ I'm lyin' alone with my head on the phone ♪

♪ Thinkin' of you till it hurts ♪

This is a sad song.

♪ I wish I could carry ♪

♪ Your smile in my heart ♪

♪ For times when my life seems so low ♪

This is the saddest part.

♪ It would make me believe ♪

♪ What tomorrow would bring ♪

♪ When today doesn't really know ♪

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ I'm all out of... ♪

You know the song, right?

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ I'm so lost without you ♪

♪ I know you were right ♪

♪ Believing for so long ♪

- -You know what I'm gonna do, right?

- No. Oh, wow. - Key change. Higher but sadder.

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ I'm so lost without you ♪

♪ I know you were right ♪

♪ Believing for so long ♪

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ What am I without you? ♪

♪ I can't be too late ♪

♪ To say that I was so wrong. ♪

- It's a sad song.

So sad. Wow.

Have I heard you sing before? Your voice is so familiar.

Uh, n-no.

Probably not.

Well, I should have.

You're kind of amazing.

No, you're amazing.

No, I'm serious.

- I'm serious. - No.

I'm serious.

- Are you sure this is okay? - What?

I feel like we don't have to do this now.

You know, I don't think of you as just...

Mandate meat?

Oh, that term is disgusting, but, well, yeah.

God, you're sweet.

I have a condom.

I'll be right back.

You got to be kidding me.

Anyone here?

Yeah. Uh, what can I do for you?

- Do you have any more condoms? - Uh, sorry.

Um, we're all out.

-

-

-

Condoms.

Yes!

I will take it.

Thank you.

- 200. - What? That's gouging.

I feel awful about it.

Fine.

Cash only.

ATM in the back.

But somebody already beat you to it.

- That's crazy. - Uh...

Look, I'm-I'm really sorry about what happened earlier.

It's all good.

No, I-I want to explain.

I went for dinner with my girlfriend.

I'd ordered two omakases.

You vomit words, too?

Like I said, I'm really sorry.

Glad you found someone, though.

Looks like we both found our "or."

Is that him?

I like that jacket. Is that Buck Mason?

- That is my PIN.

- Hey, Tits McGee.

Sorry.

Let me see if mine works.

Oh, so you can get it? No.

- -Well, it looks like you've been here

a while now, and you don't seem to be yielding much fruit.

- They got 'em. - $200, cash only,

- ATM in the back. - Okay, look.

- I really need this. - So do I.

I have a window, and it's gonna close if I don't get back

in eight and three-quarter minutes.

I actually have a real connection with somebody, okay?

You're in a bodega trying to buy a condom.

What does he get on his pizza?

What?

Well, if you have a real connection with someone,

you know what kind of pizza they like.

It's coffee, not pizza.

- It's how they take their coffee. -Okay, okay.

How does he take his coffee, then?

He likes it how I like it: black with three sugars.

Well, that's gross.

He thinks it's adorable.

I'm sure you'll end up at the top

of the Empire State Building at sunrise,

pledging your undying love.

I would love that for us.

May I?

Just...

Ah.

Thank you.

I want to go now.

So hot.

- No, no, no.

That's not right.

- Ah, I just did payroll. - This sucks.

- Hey, my guy. Can I use that? - My God!

You guys have been here for a minute.

Aren't you guys a little old, too?

- What? - What?

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

- Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, literally.

Mwah.

I hate this night.

Sucks.

Got to get the key.

So hot.

What are you doing?

Making it happen.

Go.

- ♪ Let me go on ♪ - Oh!

- Oh!

♪ Like a blister in the sun ♪

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Oh!

♪ Let me go on ♪

♪ Big hands, I know you're the one ♪

Oh, my God, you are a crazy person.

- Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, God. - Oh!

- Bro. - Film it. Film it.

Oh!

What? How?

Hey! Stop!

Uh-oh.

- Every goddamn year. - Hey.

- What are you doing? - One of us should get it.

- Come on. - Motherfuckers!

- Go, go, go, go, go! - You fucking animals!

They're chasing us!

When that one condom gets stolen on Fuck Night!

Bro!

- Oh! -Oh, my God.

♪ Ow! ♪

- Hey. In here, here, here, here, here. -What?

- You can't just go backwards. - Go back, back, back, back.

- Down, down, down. - Oh, my God.

Okay, wait.

I know I just met the guy,

but I actually think he could be someone special.

I really need to get back out there tonight.

Flip for it.

Durex or warnings and instructions?

Warnings and instructions.

- Okay. - No.

Durex.

Okay.

Warnings and instructions.

You're warnings and instructions, I'm Durex.

I'm gonna change my mind.

Durex.

- One... - No, warnings and instructions.

- I can't... I can't... - Okay, how about I'm Durex?

You have to take in the conditions of the wind and,

like, how heavy this is and how long it was in the box.

- Fuck are you talking about? - This is a big moment.

And I've got someone waiting for me back at the bar.

She's gonna leave soon.

Durex, warnings and instructions.

No, no, no, no, no. Warnings and instructions, Durex.

- I can't look. - Oh, my God.

- One... - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

-

Okay, go a little lower.

A little lower.

Yep.

- Don't look. - I'm not looking.

- Ow! Look a little.

- I'm sorry. - Okay, little farther.

Little farther.

I got it.

- Got it? - Yep.

Ow!

I'm sorry.

Oh, my God. Whoa.

-

- You okay?

Yeah. And I got it.

It was warnings and instructions.

Thanks.

Did you get it?

Sorry.

♪ You're gonna take it ♪

♪ Oh, yes, you're gonna take it ♪

- Aw. - ♪ You are gonna take it ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ Penestra! ♪

-

♪ Cardamom and jade as your eyes streamed ♪

♪ On the night you showed your volcanic side ♪

♪ And I'm afraid to need... ♪

Do you live here?

Yeah. My spot.

- Is that a... - I know. It's a bit much.

He's an old friend.

And nothing says housewarming like a silhouette

of an old-timey boy holding a balloon duck.

- Want something to drink?

I make a mean glass of wine.

- Yeah, I would love something. - All right.

- Is that a... - Fake Basquiat?

No.

Go, make yourself comfortable.

♪ I don't wanna wait for you ♪

♪ I don't wanna wait for you, I don't wanna wait for you ♪

♪ But I need you, so I won't go. ♪

To the girl who's made my night.

How do you take your pizza?

What?

I'm, um...

Nothing.

-

-

Ah, fuck.

- Go! We'll take the back! -Yeah, fuck.

Wha... Hey.

- NYPD!

- -OFFICER 3: We know you're in there!

We followed your motorcycle!

It was just one condom!

Open up, or we're gonna knock your door down!

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ What am I without you? ♪

- Hey! - ♪ I can't be too late... ♪

Where are we going?

Max?

♪ I know you were right ♪

Max?

♪ Believing for so long... ♪

This way, this way.

Here!

- I see somebody! - Hey!

You!

You there!

♪ I know I was so wrong... ♪

Stop! Wait!

Damn it.

Stop!

Get...

Hey! Stop right there!

- Wait! - Wait, wait, wait. Whoa.

Whoa.

Goddamn it, honey, why are you running?

We're not after you. We're after him.

He's on parole.

♪ I'm so lost without you... ♪

He ain't allowed to have sex tonight.

-

-

Okay, how would you characterize your relationship

with Mr. McGuinness?

Uh, relatively new.

The officers reported that you were in your undergarments.

Your goons kicked down a door and violated our privacy.

I can't believe you expend all these resources on this.

Did he mention he spent time in jail for violating the mandate?

So, what, what, he had consensual sex

that the government didn't want him to?

He violated it 14 times.

- 14? - In eight days.

Eight?

You think we really want to be dealing with this shit?

Seeing who's playing slap-and-tickle

without a ring on their finger?

Then why do you? Seriously, just because we're living

in these crazy times does not mean

that you need to be on the wrong side of history.

Where's your conscience?

With my pension.

Give me your wrist.

We just need to confirm the integrity of your biosensor,

and then you can be on your way.

The data center's pretty busy.

You can wait outside.

- Really great work. - Mm.

Thank you for keeping our streets safe.

Just so you know, your relatively new boyfriend

is also being charged with real estate fraud,

property trespass, grand theft motorcycle,

stealing various wine and art, including a silhouette of a boy

holding a duck balloon, and a fake Basquiat.

I knew it was fake.

The bastards got me again.

I don't care how many times you arrest me.

I ain't wearing no love glove.

♪ We go up ♪

♪ And we go down ♪

♪ How we go up ♪

♪ And we go down ♪

♪ Yeah, I've been thinking about ♪

♪ We're hot and cold ♪

♪ The moon and sun ♪

♪ We don't know what it is ♪

♪ That we're both running from... ♪

I'm down by the water.

Make a left when you get to the clearing.

Right on the grass.

- Keep going. - Okay.

You're getting warmer.

Much warmer.

Getting hot.

♪ Manipulate ♪

Oh, my God.

- You're hot. - So are you.

It's nice to meet you.

It's nice to meet you, too.

You want to go here?

That's the one good thing about this stupid night.

No wasted time.

Y-You're right.

Okay, Felix.

It's Owen. I lied about my name.

I did, too.

I'm Sophie.

- Sophie. - Mm-hmm.

All right, well, you want to...

How do we...

Well, I-I think,

traditionally, it starts with a kiss.

There's nothing traditional about this night.

I still think you should start with a kiss.

I think you're right.

What...

All right.

Uh-uh.

I've never really done that before, but okay.

- ♪ We go up... ♪

I don't remember seeing this on your bio.

- Ooh. - Shh.

Okay, okay.

♪ And we go down ♪

♪ Yeah, I've been thinking about... ♪

Not too tight.

'Cause I'm into it, but I'm not that...

♪ And we go down... ♪

All right, I'm into it.

♪ And we go down... ♪

What are you doing?

Hey.

Are you robbing me?

No, don't rob me!

It's really too bad. You are so cute.

I wish we hadn't met at work.

At work?!

Hey, handsome.

Hey, where are you?

I'm almost at the bridge.

Okay, meet me there in 15.

Don't do it, buddy! She's a honeypot!

Fuck.

-

Are you following me?

- Am I following you? - Yeah.

It's a big city, so...

this feels a little convenient.

For who?

You stole my condom.

It wasn't my best moment. I'm sorry.

You didn't use it?

Oh, my...

After all that, you didn't use it.

Much ado about nothing, as the kids say.

Kids don't say that.

They say it. They say it all the time.

No Empire State Building sunrise for you.

It's a tired reference anyway.

Have you ever been to the Empire State Building?

You ride an escalator forever, and then you get up there

and you stare at a fence.

It's not romantic at all.

It's the worst place for it.

Where would you go?

I know exactly where I would go.

Where?

Why are you here?

Jaywalking.

They got me for jaywalking.

They took your clothes for that?

I, too, thought it seemed unorthodox.

- Hmm. -OFFICER: It's your lucky day, Romeo.

This never happens, but we found your stuff.

Great. Thank you.

Apparently, your sex worker was trying to pawn it.

She was not a sex worker. I told you.

- She was not a sex worker. - No judgment.

A lot of guys get conned tonight.

I mean, little bit of a judgment.

I was just surprised that you were trying to pay for it.

You know what I mean? Like, it's just out there.

Like, why buy the milk

when the cows are free and there are tons of 'em

and there's milk everywhere?

It's like, why are you paying for it?

- I was not paying for it. - Hey, take the win, buddy.

What'd you get into there?

- Thank you. - We're gonna need

that jacket back for the next john.

Wow.

Yeah. You came to party.

Respect.

Glad you're enjoying this.

I'm not not enjoying it.

Uh, yeah. You came back clean.

We might need you to testify.

I'll, uh... I'll let you know.

Testify?

How romantic.

The universe is obviously telling us something.

Maybe we shouldn't overthink this.

Overthink what?

You and me.

- Oh, God. Wow. Um... - What?

No.

Dude, you just want to stick your thing somewhere.

What do you want to do with your thing?

Or things or whatever.

Things?

What exactly do you think I have going on down there?

I don't know yet.

I'm not changing who I am

- for this mandate. - Come on.

No part of you just wants to have sex?

Of course, but not...

not sex that just leaves me feeling empty.

Well, how do you know that's what

it's gonna be like with me?

Years of anecdotal evidence.

I'm objectively good-looking.

You did not just say that.

I've been told a fair number of times

I'm squarely in the sevens.

Oh, by who? Your boy mom?

Nah. She thinks I'm a ten.

Well, you're not.

Your ears look like car doors.

Well, your nose... your nose is way too small for your face.

Your chin could plow a field.

Your legs don't make any sense.

Your hairline doesn't make any sense.

So we're two hideous people.

Let's lie together in our mutual revulsion.

We keep meeting up. Maybe that means something.

It-it might have, until I saw your P. Diddy party swag bag.

-

Good luck tonight.

This party's gonna be sick!

I know.

- Last year, it was wild. - All the Knicks were there.

Mm-hmm. Some random billionaire puts it on.

Oh, is that where Mafalda met her fiancé?

Yeah, and Mafalda put us on the list.

- Yeah.

- I need a drink. - Yeah, I need a drink, too.

I know. We need a billionaire and a drink.

You want to meet a husband?

I need a man!

Go, go, go, go.

Stand clear of the closing doors, please.

Oh, yeah. That'll work.

They won't see you like that.

We're not doing this together.

I'm doing this.

You're doing this. Parallel tracks.

Also, you're a little underdressed.

What are you talking about? This is Buck Mason.

Bro, I don't know what choke hold Buck Mason has

on all you boys, but they're not all hitters.

What about this?

- Here. - What?

Your biosensor-- what's the story?

What?

Look at mine. It's a bat.

They gave us a week to decide. I panicked, and I got this.

I don't even like bats.

Mine's a lighthouse.

I know. Why?

- You really want to know? - Yeah, I want to know.

It's just a kids' book my mom used to read to me.

Okay.

"Little Red Lighthouse and the Great Gray Bridge."

Well, usually, it's red, so...

There's this little red lighthouse

on the Hudson River, and...

It's actually real. It is there.

- Mm-hmm. - But, um, in the story,

it feels overshadowed because they built

the George Washington Bridge over it, and...

Anyway, one night, this tugboat comes along,

it's foggy, and it-it needs the light from the lighthouse

to help it pass.

So it has worth after all.

Yeah, it's sweet.

Kind of cheesy, but when I first moved to New York,

all the talent here, it was just...

Yeah, and you're the lighthouse. I get it.

- It's nice. -SIMON: Oh, my God, I can't wait to go to this

- party you guys talked about. - Yeah, I'm really excited.

I love going there.

And it just grounds me when I have to sing.

Are you a singer?

Uh... yeah.

That's cool. Would I have heard anything?

Not anything I'm proud of.

As long as you love it, that's all that matters.

Kind of. There is this component where, like,

someone's supposed to sing,

then people are supposed to hear, and then you connect,

but, you know, I, uh...

What?

I'm afraid to get up in front of crowds.

- I know. - That's a problem.

Yeah, yeah, it's a big problem.

- It's a big problem. - He doesn't have that problem.

Ezra Strong?

You don't get to play Radio City

unless you make people feel something.

And look at him.

He's a five.

- Six. - Oh, no, no, no.

- Yes, yes, yes. - He's a ten.

Girl, you got it bad.

What?

You need to put that back in your pants.

I would dump it all out of my pants for Ezra Strong.

- Trust us. - I've done that before.

Okay, well, this is gonna be amazing, so just believe.

So you're telling me that if Ezra Strong

went to your high school but was just really good at math,

you would be dumping everything out of your pants for him?

Maybe. Geometry's pretty hot.

Well, I'm really great at making a pizza.

Does that change anything?

Yeah, Claremont. I saw it on your key chain.

Is that your family's spot or something?

No, no, no, no, no. All mine. No.

I always liked pizza.

I saved up. I opened a shop.

If A equals B and B equals C, then A equals C.

Transitive property of geometry.

How you like me now?

Last year, I hooked up in like five minutes.

What took you so long?

Where is this party?

I think I bought a lamp off Facebook Marketplace here once.

Oh, uh...

-

Wait. No, no. No.

Come on.

To the party, right?

- Yeah. - All right. Let's go.

Come on.

Get...

Just come on, come on, come on.

- Let's go, let's go. - Thank you. Sorry.

- Don't do that. D-Don't bow. - Sorry.

Don't bow. It's weird. Okay.

Thank you.

You're cute when you're nervous.

I'm not nervous.

Ah, so then you're just cute.

It's not gonna happen, dude.

Oh.

I know. I know that.

How many times you want to tell me that?

Okay? And you know what?

I'm emotionally unavailable toward you now.

- Right. -I don't want to have sex with you.

No, I can't... Oh, no.

That's-that's out. That's done.

Nothing you could say

would convince me to have sex with you.

Nothing. Not one thing.

Not a secret word. Nothing.

Nothing you could say

would convince me to have sex with you.

Hey.

God, you're good.

Thank you very much.

What? What?

How are we gonna get in?

And the McGees.

Just act like you belong.

- I'm bad at that. - Then be good at it.

Hey, gorgeouses. How's your night going?

Name?

Uh, Owen.

Nice to meet you.

What's your name?

I don't see your name on here.

Could it be under something different?

No. O-W-E-N.

Um, someone put us on...

Mafalda put us on the list.

And what's her last name?

She only has one name, like a Brazilian.

Like Neymar or Pelé.

Xuxa.

- Xuxo. Xuxa. - Xu... That's a name.

- No. - No? -Wha...

- But you're good. She's good. - She's good?

- I'm good? - I'm not? Why?

Because she's not thirsty like you.

I'm not thirsty.

Well, we came together.

Oh, we're singles only tonight, guys.

You're together?

- Well, not together-together. - We're not...

- We came together. - Not, like, together.

- We just came here. - We are both single.

- We arrived now together. - Newly.

I'm sorry, guys. We're gonna need, like, a clear answer.

Together or not together?

Nah, we're just on parallel tracks.

Right?

- Yeah. - I'll see you around.

- Get in there, babe. - Come on. Yeah.

- Okay. Thank you. - Have fun.

She's wearing that, and you're in a polo shirt.

Woof.

♪ Mine now ♪

♪ Baby, you're mine now ♪

- Thanks. - ♪ You're mine now ♪

♪ Baby, you're mine now ♪

♪ Baby, you're mine ♪

♪ Now ♪

Sorry.

Oh. Excuse me.

I just...

Excuse me.

Thank you, New York!

-

Have a killer night.

See you guys at the benefit tomorrow.

And fuck each other!

And fuck the mandate.

Yeah, fuck the mandate.

Fuck the mandate.

Fuck the mandate!

Fuck the mandate! Fuck the mandate!

Hey.

Hey. Lost your sheep?

You heading in?

Yeah, I just got a phone call and...

Find me.

Sure. Sure.

Guys, come on.

You got to let me in here.

- Sorry. - Please.

- It's a private party. - You just let my friend in.

It's not up to us.

It seems like it's very much up to you.

Oi, ladies.

He's good.

- Great show, dude. - Hey.

♪ Do ya? ♪

♪ So I go out, I look for a guy ♪

♪ I look for a girl, I look for a mind ♪

♪ I look for a guy, I look for a girl ♪

♪ I look for somebody to pull down my hair ♪

♪ I look for someone... ♪

Allie. Allie.

Hey.

- Whoa. - I got in.

Hi. You did.

How you doing?

Uh, good. Hi.

You are gorgeous.

Thanks. So are you.

He said my legs don't make any sense.

This is Allie.

She ditched me at the door.

Oh, are you two together?

I don't want to kitty-block you.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

He just wants to stick it somewhere.

In a nice way.

She's looking for a real connection tonight.

You're a romantic.

- Well... -Oh, how cute. I could spread you

with marmalade and eat you up for brekkie.

- Thank you? - Did you see who was singing?

- Ezra. - I... Yes.

- Ezra! - Yes, Ezra.

Darling, can you come here?

- Hi, darling. - Oh, my God.

- Killer party. - Thank you for doing tonight.

- Keep it in your pants. - I appreciate it.

- Shut up. - Anytime.

- This is Owen. - Dude, pleasure, man.

The boy I'm gonna fuck tonight.

- Congrats. - Thank you, man.

I'm Ezra. It-it's nice to meet you.

I know. It's nice to meet you, too.

I didn't know that it was nice to meet me.

That's cool. I, um...

I-I know. I know who you are.

Okay. I-I thought I saw you out there, right?

- You did? - Yeah.

Her name's Allie.

You have to say your name.

My name's not Allie. It's Allison.

I don't know why I said that. My name's Allie.

- Um, I go... I go by Allie.

She's a singer, too, just like you.

- Can you stop? - Well, you are.

No way. Is Viv putting you onstage?

- You sing? - No.

- Yeah, you're a singer. - No.

- She's a singer. You are. - I'm not. No. No.

Do you or don't you sing?

She does.

- No. - No?

No. Yes, I sing.

I'm a singer. Yeah.

- I do that for a living, and... - Yes?

It's...

on a small basis.

Uh, just... the occasional...

♪ Psoriasis. ♪

Um, but not in front of people.

I don't do the-the stage thing.

That's a lot of people and absolutely terrifying.

And certainly not half naked.

Although there was this one time in...

in kindergarten, um...

You're hilarious.

You're going to sing tonight.

- It's been decreed. Come on. Come sing. -No.

- No. No, no, no. -Yes. - Oh, it's been decreed.

- No. Oh, God, no, no, no. - Come with me.

- I-I get what I want. - I can't. I can't.

- Go, go, go, go, go, go. - I don't like it.

- Think of those tugboats. Go, go, go... -I don't want to.

I wasn't being cute about it. I really don't like it.

- I really don't like it. I really don't... -Just go sing.

It's a feeling you can get used to.

It's all just butterflies, darling.

- Yes. - Oh, but I...

Oh, look at us. We both... we match.

Uh, do you know "Only You"?

Yeah.

I can't do it.

- I can't do it. I can't do it. - Darling.

That's a bad idea.

I am rapidly losing my fairy godmother buzz.

I just think, um...

- I just think maybe if-if... - Shh.

- Just... Shh.

♪ Looking from a window above ♪

♪ It's like a story of love ♪

♪ Can... ♪

♪ Came back only yesterday ♪

♪ I'm feeling farther away ♪

♪ Want you near me ♪

♪ All I needed was the love you gave ♪

♪ All I needed for another day ♪

♪ And all I ever knew ♪

♪ Only you ♪

♪ Sometimes when I think of her name ♪

♪ When it's only a game ♪

♪ And I need you ♪

♪ Listen to the words that you say ♪

♪ It's getting harder to stay ♪

♪ When I see you ♪

♪ All I needed was the love you gave ♪

♪ All I needed for another day ♪

♪ And all I ever knew ♪

♪ Only you ♪

♪ All I needed was the love you gave ♪

♪ All I needed for another day ♪

♪ And all I ever knew ♪

♪ Only you ♪

♪ All I needed was the love you gave ♪

♪ All I needed for another day ♪

♪ And all I ever knew ♪

♪ Only you. ♪

-

Whew. Thanks.

Thank you, New York.

- Bye, babe. - I will see you soon.

Have a good night. Have fun.

Oh, I will. I will.

In you get.

Just a quick... Okay, great.

Let's go.

Whew! Thank you.

Oh.

Thank you.

Wow.

The organizers of the benefit

rented it for me for the weekend.

I thought the pro-mandate side had all the money.

Sure would be easier to believe that.

- This is crazy. - I know.

Jimi Hendrix, Patti Smith, Taylor Swift.

- Well, yeah, the place, but... - "Fireflies."

Owl City.

- Yeah, the... - Right here!

I'm sorry to nerd out, but I think you're amazing.

- Stop it. - I'm serious.

- You really inspire me. - No.

You inspire me.

♪ Only you. ♪

I really thought this whole thing was gonna ruin sex.

Right? It-it kind of did,

but at the same time, it-it gave it new meaning.

You know, who do you choose to be with for this one night?

Yeah.

The choice itself is, like, romantic.

Just maybe the fascists were right about this one.

I'm really glad I'm here with you tonight.

Can I use the bathroom?

Yeah.

Down the hall, next to Adam Levine's pay phone.

Cool.

Mm. Oh, let's go back to yours.

I find it easier to orgasm in unfamiliar places.

- Tell Victor where you live.

Um, well, why don't we just go back to yours

and we can do it in the... in the... in the...

on the bathroom floor?

I said unfamiliar.

♪ Allie, brown hair ♪

♪ Beautiful face ♪

♪ Came from Ohio ♪

♪ And now New York is her place ♪

♪ Got up onstage ♪

♪ And didn't even think, yeah ♪

♪ You sang a few notes ♪

♪ Made the whole room blink ♪

♪ That voice ♪

♪ That's the thing ♪

♪ That's the thing ♪

♪ Allie lights up the night ♪

♪ She doesn't have to try ♪

♪ She just shines ♪

♪ She says, "My name's not Allie, it's Allison ♪

♪ I don't know why I said that" ♪

♪ Allie lights up the night ♪

♪ She doesn't have to try, she just shines ♪

♪ She says ♪

♪ "My name's not Allie, it's Allison" ♪

Shh. Not a duet.

Oh. Sorry.

♪ "It's Allison, I don't know why I said that" ♪

♪ Allie lights up the night ♪

♪ You could cut the power, turn off the lights ♪

♪ And she'll shine bright ♪

- ♪ Allie lights up ♪

♪ The night ♪

♪ I'm gonna fuck her in the face tonight ♪

♪ Ooh, fuck her in the face tonight ♪

♪ Ah-ah, fuck her on the floor of the studio ♪

♪ And I'm probably gonna film it on my phone ♪

♪ Push it in, pull it out, pour it down her spout ♪

♪ I'm gonna fuck the fuck right out this girl tonight ♪

♪ Sex tonight ♪

- ♪ Sex tonight ♪

- ♪ Sex tonight... ♪ - Uh, Ezra, you...

Whoa!

Oh, my God.

- Oh. - This is it.

All right. Wait here.

Okay. Ooh, I like this.

Now I can add "boy from the Bronx"

to my fucket list.

It's Upper Manhattan, and, uh...

Be back in a sec.

-

My shoes, my shoes, my shoes.

Get 'em off. Get 'em off.

- Could you help me? - Yes.

- Yeah. - Take it off, take it off.

Take it...

Whoo!

- Let me get my sock off. - Your sock?

- My sock. Sock, sock, sock. - Boxers off.

- Ow! - What? What now?

I don't know, something's underneath me.

Oh, what, that?

Ugh.

-

- The fuck?

- Jesus Christ, Owen!

- Hiya, buddy. - What are you doing?

It's my house!

Mom!

No.

No. Move.

This is weird, even for me.

I mean... bubbles?

- God, I'm out. - Who is that?

Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...

I don't have time for this weird shit tonight, mate.

- Owen?

Colleen Hoover signed that book!

Mom.

What are you doing?!

♪ I'm at a pay phone trying to call home ♪

♪ Sex in this place tonight... ♪

♪ All of my change I spent on you ♪

- Rock and roll, baby. - ♪ Where have the times gone? ♪

♪ Baby, it's all wrong ♪

♪ Where are the plans we made for two? ♪

♪ If happy-ever-afters did exist ♪

♪ I would still be holding you like this ♪

♪ All those fairy tales are full of shit ♪

♪ One more fucking love song, I'll be sick ♪

♪ Yeah, now I'm at a pay phone. ♪

-

Across the country tonight, the window is closing

for unmarried Americans during this year's exemption period.

In just under three hours,

the nationwide chastity mandate will take effect once...

I'm hungry.

Huh?

- I'm hungry. - Huh?

So hungry.

We're closed.

I know the owner.

What are you doing all the way up here?

Ordering a pizza, with extra cheese.

Hold the K-Y.

That's what we're known for.

Come on.

Put the flour down so nothing sticks.

This is how you make the crust.

Try that.

Thanks.

Ooh.

So?

So?

What happened to Ezra?

Didn't really click.

Does that hospital name tag have anything to do with it?

What happened with Beatrix Potter?

Just didn't feel right.

Try that.

Mmm.

Oh, my God, this is the best pizza I've ever had.

Truly.

I think it's better than sex.

No. Come on.

I mean it.

But I honestly don't remember.

- What's your favorite part?

- The cheese. - No.

Of sex.

The buildup.

- What? -That's just a typical lady answer.

- What? Oh, okay. - It is.

What's yours? Hmm?

Boobs?

Cowgirl? You like to jackhammer?

- Just fucking... - You're not gonna believe me,

but it's about the after for me.

- Mm-mm. No. - It is.

That moment after.

You're laying there, two people.

It's like you're sharing a secret.

It's never really about the sex.

It's kind of a good answer.

You were incredible at the party tonight.

No one was listening.

I was.

Uh, it's her.

My, uh... my girlfriend.

What do I do?

Um...

♪ Don't act so special ♪

♪ What I do ♪

♪ Is not for you ♪

♪ Forget about it ♪

♪ You made this mess ♪

♪ I'll knock at your door ♪

♪ Don't you ignore ♪

♪ Or forget about it ♪

♪ Every night♪

♪ Got you running in circles, I know ♪

♪ Touchin' me♪

♪ Get your paws off my Dolce cologne ♪

♪ Back it up♪

♪ Off my throne 'cause you know ♪

♪ You wanna make me♪

♪ Walk away and forget about it ♪

♪ Every night♪

♪ Got you running in circles, I know ♪

♪ Touchin' me♪

♪ Get your paws off my Dolce cologne ♪

♪ Make me♪

♪ Walk away and forget about it... ♪

What?

-

What do I do?

You should answer it.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right, one second.

Malika.

Yeah.

Yep, I'm at the shop.

I couldn't go through with it.

- Come home. - Okay.

All right, bye.

Uh...

she wants to see me.

Great.

She wants to see me now.

- Um... - Oh. Okay.

- I'll, um... - No. No, no, stay.

Please, um...

grab a drink, finish the pie.

- Um... - I don't...

I'm really sorry. Uh...

Would you mind...

...locking up?

Just throw the keys under the door.

Uh, is that okay?

- Uh, sure. - Yeah. Sorry.

Yeah.

Uh, yeah.

I hope you get your Empire State Building...

or wherever moment tonight.

Yeah. You, too.

-

♪ To find someone like that ♪

♪ It wouldn't be easy now ♪

♪ We go too far back ♪

♪ You wouldn't leave me now ♪

♪ 'Cause I've been thinking 'bout ♪

♪ Gettin' drunk again ♪

♪ At the same house where it all started ♪

You're here.

I'm here.

I was wrong.

♪ It's how it's gonna be ♪

Damn it.

♪ Face it ♪

♪ Loving me takes patience ♪

♪ Will you think about us as I'm leaving? ♪

♪ Think about us as I'm coming home? ♪

♪ You hate it, but loving me takes patience ♪

♪ So we lose touch when I'm faded ♪

♪ And it can get dark, but still I know ♪

♪ You're waiting ♪

♪ And loving me takes patience ♪

Let me close this.

I got to close this.

♪ You wouldn't leave me now. ♪

Sorry, I keep telling Vladimir to fix that.

Come on.

We only have like an hour left.

I need to go.

What?

I need to go.

- Is this about Sal? - Sal?

Salvatore Schulhoffer-Lopez.

I told you on the phone, nothing happened.

It's not about him at all, actually.

Do you want to get married?

Then we can have sex whenever we want.

It's never really been about the sex.

Well, we've only had it like two times.

- Thanks, Obama. - Obama?

This thing started like three years ago.

Yeah, well, y-you know what I mean.

The-the pendulum.

I...

I'm sorry for what I did,

but if you did something, I'm honestly proud of you.

- No, you-you...

you needed to get out of your box.

I should never have come.

I'm sorry.

Owen? Owen.

D-Did I mess things up?

No.

But I might have.

- Sorry, sorry. - Whoa.

Taxi, taxi! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Uh, Seventh, between First and, uh, Second.

And can you make it fast as possible?

Trying to squeeze some more juice out of the lemon, huh?

Yeah, some-something like that.

Here. Thanks.

- Hello? - Hey, I'm looking for Allie.

- It's Owen. - Hello?

- Does Allie live here? - Hello?

- Who? - Hello?

- Allie. Allie. - Who?

- What? - Allie.

- Yo! Hey, yo! - Who is this?

It's O... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- There's no Allie here. - It's 6:00 a.m., man.

- Get out of here. - I-I know. I'm so sorry.

But I-I'm just looking for Allie.

You know Allie?

She's tall, uh, brunette.

She's got big eyes.

Legs don't make any sense.

She also loves lighthouses, especially a little red one.

Get the hell out of here, man.

Allie!

Allie!

Allie!

Hey.

Hey.

Look, I-I'm sorry about that Bubble Wrap thing.

Your mom and I were looking at

ASMR videos on the YouTubes, and...

Okay. Good to see you, Rick.

Did you, um, patch things up with that tall,

British glass of water from last night?

Actually, I met someone else.

Okay, Mr. Swing Dick.

Nah, it wasn't like that. It was...

We just talked a lot,

and I just left like an asshole.

And now I have no idea how to find her.

Owen, when your mom and I...

- Nope. - Okay.

My two men bonding.

Warms my heart.

- He met somebody. - Oh, yeah?

But he can't find her.

Who is she?

Her name's Allie.

And, uh...

she's fun, and she's smart.

She's weird, and she can sing.

She got a great voice.

She got this big smile. I don't know.

I've never met anyone like her before.

What's the last thing she said to you?

"Good luck."

What's the last thing you said to her?

"I hope you get your Empire State Building moment tonight."

-

Allie, you have to come get me.

I don't know where I am.

Tejan took me and swept me off my motherfucking feet.

-That's right. - I found my prince!

I'm in love with your friend, Allison.

He took me to the Empire State Building

- at sunrise. -And now we're gonna get married.

- We're getting married. - Oh, my God. Okay, I love you.

Ooh, sorry.

- Did I wake you? - No.

Got to drop off the kid sometime soon.

How was your night?

Uh...

pretty wild.

I met someone.

- Oh? - And then he went away.

And I took a long walk.

Well, did you get with him at least?

No.

Still some time left, shawty.

Ever been someone's first?

Aah!

All right.

I'm gonna go sleep for a week.

Listen, I'm sorry, Allie.

- Thanks. - Wait.

Your name is Allie?

- Yep. - There was some guy

calling your name, looking for you.

- What? - Yeah.

Some weird guy with elephant ears

whining all about your legs and leghouses.

It was sad.

I was like, "Yo, bro, sack the fuck up."

- When was this? - A little while ago.

He's not gonna be there.

Probably not.

So, why am I doing this?

'Cause you never know.

♪ Settle down, settle in ♪

♪ Give it up, I'm giving in ♪

♪ Give me love, then give me something to get rid of it ♪

♪ Can I hold you? Can I hold you? ♪

♪ Can I hold you? ♪

♪ Can I know you? Can I know you? ♪

♪ Can I know you? ♪

♪ It is warm here in the light ♪

♪ So come in, the water's fine ♪

♪ You can join me if you like ♪

♪ You can join me, I don't mind ♪

♪ And the color of the sky ♪

♪ Is reflected in your eyes ♪

♪ As the green is flashing bright ♪

♪ As the green is flashing ♪

♪ Can I hold you? Can I hold you? ♪

♪ Can I hold you? ♪

♪ Can I know you? Can I know you? ♪

♪ Can I know you? ♪

♪ More ♪

♪ More ♪

♪ I will look upon your face ♪

♪ And I'll dream about the day ♪

♪ When I can see you when I wake ♪

♪ And I'll wish that I could stay ♪

♪ And I'll wish that I could ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ And when the sun has gone away ♪

♪ Can I hold you? Can I hold you? ♪

♪ Can I hold you? ♪

♪ Can I know you? Can I know you? ♪

♪ Can I know you? ♪

♪ More. ♪

We missed the sunrise.

Black, three sugars.

I hear it's adorable.

You're still following me.

Or are you following me?

I can't believe you're here.

Well, this is the only place for this.

Nothing can overshadow.

I'm sorry. I-I...

I shouldn't have left.

Nah. I shouldn't have let you go.

We still have time.

I might... I might know a place.

Come on.

You know, I'm not even gonna need the whole 11 minutes.

Oh, yeah. Me, neither, son.

What's wrong?

Nothing. Nothing's wrong.

Just, you know...

seems like this whole night...

I don't want it to dictate...

us, what we do.

We can't let the mandate win.

Maybe we should wait.

Get to know each other.

I think you're right.

Without the-the pressure.

Without the pressure, without all the noise.

A whole year.

A whole year. It's your favorite part.

The buildup.

Yeah, but what about the after?

It's gonna be hard, but I can wait.

Try to keep it in my pants.

Ah. Good luck.

I just don't want this moment to end.

♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh. ♪

Do... do you hear that?

♪ You can be amazing... ♪

Oh, my God.

Yeah, they're filming all over the city tonight

'cause there's no paparazzi.

- You didn't know that? - No.

No, no, no. Wow, that is my voice.

- This is you? - Yeah.

- Wow. - It's my day job.

♪ Start speaking up... ♪

It seems to me you sang,

they're hearing, you're connecting.

Shut up.

♪ And no sunlight, sometimes... ♪

Hey, guys! Guys!

Can you crouch down? We're filming.

- What? - Crouch down?

Oh, too late! We've already seen you kissing!

You have to keep doing it!

- Kissing? - Yes!

Okay.

You two, yeah. You're established.

- We're kissing. - I guess.

♪ Say what you wanna say... ♪

Now you have to dance.

- What? - Dance!

♪ Honestly, I wanna use Leventave ♪

♪ Psoriasis, psoriasis ♪

♪ Psoriasis ♪

♪ I wanna use Leventave ♪

♪ Psoriasis, psoriasis ♪

♪ Psoriasis ♪

♪ Psoriasis, psoriasis ♪

♪ Psoriasis ♪

ALLIE and OWEN: ♪ I wanna use Leventave. ♪

Eight, seven,

six, five, four,

three, two, one!

-

Oh, wow.

- We did it. - Wasn't even that hard.

- Ooh.

Mwah.

Wow.

- Oh, what should we do? - So...

I don't know. You want to get food?

- Yeah. Let's get dinner. - Chinese? Italian?

I'm not eating pizza.

Pizza? I didn't say pizza.

Omakase?

- ♪ Ooh♪ - ♪ I-I-I-I-I-I ♪

♪ I'm all the way down ♪

♪ Gotta get right witcha ♪

- ♪ Ooh♪ - ♪ I-I-I-I-I-I ♪

♪ I'm all the way down ♪

Wasn't even that hard.

♪ Gotta get right witcha ♪

So rude.

Finally.

♪ I'm all the way down ♪

♪ Gotta get right witcha ♪

- ♪ Ooh♪ - ♪ I-I-I-I-I-I ♪

♪ I'm all the way down ♪

♪ Gotta get right witcha ♪

♪ Sometimes I like holding my breath ♪

♪ Just to see how long I last ♪

♪ You say that it's dumb, and I know it ♪

♪ And I say, "Hello, hello" ♪

♪ I, I'm so addicted to whatcha doin' ♪

♪ I think I like it ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ You got that look ♪

♪ You're so kind ♪

♪ Guess I'm out of my mind ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ You're shining ♪

♪ And it's such a surprise ♪

♪ Guess I'm out of my mind ♪

♪ Ooh♪

♪ I'm all the way down ♪

♪ Gotta get right witcha ♪

♪ Ooh♪

♪ I'm all the way down ♪

♪ Gotta get right witcha ♪

- ♪ Ooh♪ - ♪ I-I-I-I-I-I ♪

♪ I'm all the way down ♪

♪ Gotta get right witcha ♪

- ♪ Ooh♪ - ♪ I-I-I-I-I-I ♪

♪ I'm all the way down ♪

♪ Gotta get right witcha. ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Okay, I wanna get back ♪

♪ Can't let you get around inside my head now ♪

♪ I wanna get back ♪

♪ Can't sit through another round ♪

♪ Oh, uh-uh ♪

♪ Okay, I wanna get back ♪

♪ Can't let you get around inside my head now ♪

♪ I wanna get back ♪

♪ Can't sit through another round ♪

♪ Oh, uh-uh ♪

♪ It's hot in New York ♪

♪ And I can't get away from pain ♪

♪ I'm losing my nerves ♪

♪ And you're losing the waiting game ♪

♪ I know it ain't true ♪

♪ The things you say and do to play cool ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Okay, do you really wanna do the old way? ♪

♪ Not today, 'cause I can't feel ♪

♪ The things that make me feel so hopeful ♪

♪ And I don't know what you're doing ♪

♪ But I'm not tempted ♪

♪ And I just write now 'cause I'm on empty ♪

♪ Okay, I wanna get back ♪

♪ Can't let you get around inside my head now ♪

♪ I wanna get back ♪

♪ Can't sit through another round ♪

♪ Oh, uh-uh ♪

♪ Okay, I wanna get back ♪

♪ Can't let you get around inside my head now ♪

♪ I wanna get back ♪

♪ Can't sit through another round ♪

♪ Oh, uh-uh ♪

♪ It's hot in New York ♪

♪ And I can't get away from pain ♪

♪ I'm losing my nerves ♪

♪ And you're losing the waiting game ♪

♪ I know it ain't true ♪

♪ The things you say and do to play cool ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh. ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh. ♪