Original subtitles

Friday.

Right down.

Oh, what

heat?

Hello.

Heat.

Heat.

Heat.

Heat. Heat.

Heat. Heat.

Heat.

Heat.

Heat.

Heat.

Cut it. Cut it. Cut it. God damn it.

>> One more life.

>> You've done this take 18 times. You've

missed your mark three times in a row.

What is your problem, man? It is you who

I nept sir, not me. Glass

cigarette,

you're not only talking to a horror

star, but an eminent actor.

I have played Julius Caesar on Broadway

before you were born. I did Oscar Wild

and George Bernard Shaw on the London

stage before you were a gleam in your

daddy's eye.

I will not get excited. my blood

pressure pills.

>> Please spare us the heart attack,

Conrad. I don't give a [ __ ] what you did

40 years ago. All I'm interested in is

whether or not you can do a commercial

today.

>> Why don't you get Orson Wells or Larry

Olivier? Sir Lawrence to you.

>> I wish to God I had because you

certainly weren't my choice, Conrad.

Oh crap. Let's take a break. Take 10

minutes. Take 20 minutes. What's the

difference?

I don't know.

He's dead.

Take 19.

>> Did you see the accident, sir?

Back to the mansion. Carfax.

Now

I can live in peace

like all other men.

I thank you on behalf of the City

College Cinema Department and my

students in the film society.

And now, without further delay, allow me

to introduce the man we've all been

dying to meet, the last of the great

giants of the horror cinema.

It's my great honor to introduce Mr.

Conrad Ragsoff.

Heat.

Heat.

Ladies and gentlemen, dear friends,

Professor Makave,

I thank you from the bottom of my heart

for inviting me.

The honor of

being here is entirely

entirely my own.

You know,

I thought the world had forgotten me a

little and I felt

bitter

and um

a little

disappointed

and sick at

heart.

What's going on?

>> I would like to say

>> I would like to

get some water.

Okay.

>> What's your name?

>> Me.

I am getting ready to die.

I have so much to do, Ed.

I have never died before

and I want to do it right.

Go and get Olive.

Conrad,

my old friend.

>> Stop acting. Do your job as a director.

Is everything ready?

>> Yes, everything. You better do a good

job or you're fired.

Especially the funeral.

I want it to be magnificent.

It's my last performance

and I want an Oscar. Do you understand?

I want to die like a star.

Are you dead?

Really dead?

Yes, Conrad.

I will direct your funeral,

your last performance,

just as I directed all the others.

You always said

the red carnation is your signature

there.

Perfect.

You are dressed for your greatest role,

death.

All my life I wanted to tell you off.

Now I can't.

The world is at last rid of you. And I

am rid of you too. In recess

and I found you. You were nothing but a

second rate waiter. I gave you your

first part

and your last.

You made millions and I got Dre.

But without me, you would be nothing.

Good night,

sweet prince of Ham. Go to hell. Go

straight to

it.

Take 20.

Yes.

Yes.

Great. Conrad Ragsoff

is dead and he will not allow his

remains to be cremated because he claims

he is coming back from the dead. Conrad

Ragsoff lived like a movie star and he

is buried like one too in a monument

that is a fitting memorial

$1 million.

>> Unfortunately, his old director friend

Wolf Gang Hamner suffered a fatal heart

attack to never live to see this day.

Jes.

again.

Goodbye my love.

Thank you, my friends, for coming to my

funeral.

I'm appearing before you today

in a pre-recorded tape, one of many I

did before my untimely demise.

You see, I didn't want anyone but me to

star at my own funeral.

Afterwards, please be my guests back at

the mansion.

Eat your fill of caviar

and enjoy

a cool glass of champagne.

Ladies and gentlemen,

a toast

to me.

I hope you won't find the moleum in bad

taste.

The board of cemetery directors objected

at first, but then they decided I was a

tourist attraction.

You see, a star in life

is a star in death.

Remember,

every time you see one of my films on

TV,

you're not only watching me, but I am

watching you.

Bravo.

It was a moving funeral. It was

downright unforgettable. Hundreds of

mourners, flowers filling the chapel.

Conrad gave his own farewell sermon from

a TV screen. Conrad's widow, Ederats,

obviously shaped, pushing away the

curious, those who came for a last

glimpse of this great actor. As the

funeral procession left the chapel and

headed toward the great mausoleum, the

mausoleum, something else had loomed

above the other gravestones, 100 ft

long, solid granite, a neon star

twinkling with the name Ratzoff.

>> Hey, what are you up to, man?

>> Yeah, you stone are just getting weird

on us. We'll find out.

You know, the whole funeral was just

like another scene in one of his flicks.

I mean, I could see him get up in that

in those Supreme Deluxe tales of his and

just go wandering around the streets of

Hollywood looking to suck some blood.

>> All fine around here are a lot of tacky

hookers.

>> He lives,

he talks,

he sucks.

Listen,

listen to the wolves.

They are the children of the night.

Their voices are like music to my ears.

>> Hey,

let's go visit him.

>> Tell me you're kidding.

Scoo, get the flashlights.

There's

>> got to be a way to get in here.

>> Sure you would.

>> You guys serious?

>> Here we go. Ready? Ready? One, two,

>> I don't like going in there.

>> He said he was coming back from the

dead. Getting sucked in by all that

supernatural [ __ ] I mean, his whole

life was a be movie.

What?

>> Wake me up when it's over.

Is that it? Yeah, I think so. Come on,

Oscar.

Come on.

Hey,

you know Star is buried here.

>> What?

No. No.

Hey. Huh? The roof. Do it. Do it. Do it.

You do it. You got it.

>> You got it.

>> Go for it.

>> Hey, Stew.

>> Guys, there's a skylight up here.

>> Can you get in?

>> Well, I I think so. I'll try. Okay,

>> do it. Do it.

>> All right. Come on.

You better come.

Open the goddamn door.

I bid you welcome to the castle rags

off.

>> Yeah.

Good evening.

This is Conrad Rakov coming to you from

the dead.

Yes, how kind of you to visit my crypt.

I hope you are staying a thousand years.

If you have broken in, you probably

will.

For at the end of the message, the door

to the tomb will slam shuts

forever.

Get the door. Get the door now.

Let me conclude. Remember,

I who am here was once like you and you

who are there

will one day

be like me.

>> What are you doing?

>> How do you open this thing?

Saint

Oh man,

look at that.

He's got his tails and his cape on just

like Bellosi.

>> Yeah,

everything except breath.

>> Look at his eyes. They're still open.

God,

>> they're not seeing [ __ ]

Good evening, sir. I enjoyed your last

performance very, very, very, very much.

Let's stop that.

>> So, what do we do now?

Why don't we uh

invite him home for dinner?

All right, let's

get

>> you got

And we are out.

>> Wait.

I feel good.

>> Well,

>> here we are.

The question is, why are we doing this?

>> Well, man, it's simple. I mean, uh I

mean, we love Conrad, right?

>> Did you hear that? Yeah. And uh Errol

Flynn did it to John Barrymore.

>> I bet. Yes.

>> And listen, it's very simple. I mean,

the plan is we're just going to keep him

here, right, tonight and uh take him

back in the morning. Right.

>> Right. Right. Right.

What a penguin. What a meal.

I just take this fantasy.

>> Oh no.

What about you?

What are you looking at? What are you

looking at? I'm hungry. Don't look at me

when I do that.

>> Order. Order.

>> Conrad, you've filmed here more than

once. You probably know this place like

the back of your hand. What can I say?

Welcome home.

>> No. And long life

>> speech speech

>> speech.

>> Oh yes,

speech

speech.

>> Your silence is most eloquent, my lord.

sick.

>> Oh, come on, Meg. Where is your sense of

humor, Pasadena?

>> That's my gal you're talking to.

>> I just don't think it's funny.

>> Oh, come on, Meg.

>> You know, I can hardly believe that's

Conrad over there.

It's It's pretty weird.

>> Conrad,

I always wanted to be your bride.

Once I stole a ring from my mother and I

secretly married you

on our wedding night.

We made love in your coffin.

It was beautiful.

Oscar, come on, let's dance.

>> I got it.

What about Conrad?

Huh?

>> Conrad, would you like to dance with me?

See, he does,

sir.

Okay.

All right.

I'm free.

I

Oh, that's that's nice. Let me uh let me

get a shot of that society scrap.

Okay,

great.

Okay, good.

Well,

let us call it a wrap.

It has been

A night to remember,

>> huh?

>> Yeah.

>> Easy.

>> He's going to sleep.

Right

in the middle.

I got him.

>> About an hour to go. And it's done.

Okay.

Good night, Conrad.

Come on.

>> We got our work set out through us.

>> It's like a biggie.

>> You choked the whole territory.

>> Yeah. From uh footprints. Looks like

there were about four people involved.

>> Mhm.

>> Any sign of uh cult activity like black

candles?

>> Red drapings, even incense ashes?

>> Not so far, sir. No.

>> And there's no ransom notes of any kind.

>> What do they want with his body?

>> What should I do, Mrs. Roman? Tell me.

What should I do?

>> Don't ask me, Eda. Ask comrade.

You must ask him.

He'll tell you.

>> Do you really believe there is life

after death?

The

>> soul lives after death.

Why not the body?

How do we begin?

>> Get me some articles of his clothing

and then get me his pyramid.

>> Carlos,

I'm trying to reach you.

Conrad Rags off

in the name of all holy and unholy

spirits. Listen,

I'm trying to bridge the gulf

between there and here. Life and death.

Where is your body?

Let my thoughts

pierce the great void.

Oh God, help me.

Help me to reach you.

We're in a dark tunnel

trying to get to the end.

I feel you now, Conrad.

Getting closer.

God,

I can feel his presence

inside my body.

He's close to us.

He's trying to speak.

Oh,

dear Lord, come in. Help him to break

through the wall, the wall.

What was that?

We're freaking out. He's dead as a fish.

>> Yeah. Yeah.

What was that noise? I don't know. I

don't believe the dead walk. I don't

believe in life after death. The dead

are dead.

>> They don't walk and they don't scream.

Those

words are tumbling up now

becoming sentences.

>> What is he saying? Ask him what he wants

me to do.

>> An eye for an eye.

>> A tooth for a tooth.

Ask him where he is.

Where are you, Conrad?

The house.

Big house.

House. Speak to yourself.

Conrad.

Conrad. Darling, dearest.

When you

left me,

where did you go?

>> Went into darkness,

then into flames,

then I came back.

You brought me back from

>> If that's where you've been,

then send them that stole your body

there, too.

Send them into the flames. Burn them.

Burn them.

Burn them.

Yeah.

Heat.

Heat. Heat. Heat.

Heat. Heat.

Trying to get you.

Heat. Heat.

Hello.

Who Who is this?

>> It doesn't matter who I am.

But them, the people who have your

husband's body.

>> What? What do you want?

>> I want to help you, Mrs. Ragsoff.

>> Someone's coming.

Saint

I just saw someone up there.

You blew it for me. Was really getting

into that. You're guilty of quitus

interrupts. You know, I I could suffer

deep psychological damage. I could

become a mental [ __ ] for life.

>> Shut up. I'm trying to tell you I saw

someone. Look, Donna, it's 3:00 a.m. in

the goddamn morning. Everybody's

crashed.

It's just a figment of your imagination.

But I'll go check it out anyway.

Okay. Okay.

>> Oscar,

I want you to look everywhere,

even in the attic.

>> Come on. There's nobody up there except

Conrad.

The attic's the one place I don't have

to check.

Saint

Donna.

Donna,

I'm locked in the attic.

Dada.

Who's there?

Saint

Look, if this is some kind of joke or

something, I don't think it's funny.

Saint godamn it. Would you just stop it?

Come on. You're scaring the [ __ ] out of

me.

Heat. Heat.

Again,

Oscar.

Oscar.

Come on. Stop fooling around.

Are you hiding?

Oscar.

Oscar.

Oscar,

are you up here?

Oscar, stop it now.

Scar the hell out of me.

Oscar

here.

Oscar back to bed.

Oscar.

No.

Heat.

Heat.

I'm going to have this phone monitored

24 hours a day and when she calls we're

going to have our answer.

>> Oscar. Donna,

>> I looked all over upstairs.

Nothing.

>> Found Oscar's uh headphones in his room,

though. He never goes anywhere without

these things.

>> I have looked upside down and backwards.

>> I mean, if they had gone somewhere, they

would have left a note or something for

crying out loud.

>> Has anyone checked the cellar?

>> I'm not going down there. They're not in

the cellar. Bo,

>> what the seller?

>> Oh, I'm not going down there.

>> I'll check.

Heat. Heat.

Get you. Get you.

Hey, get the hell up here.

They'll be back in a couple days.

Maybe.

In the meantime, we're left in the [ __ ]

up to our necks.

is probably very happily surfing in

Malibu.

Hello.

Hey, open the door.

Hey,

open a goddamn door.

Open the door.

>> Welcome to the rags of family saga.

>> Shut up.

>> You're not only locked in, but these

fumes will consume you within the next

hour.

>> I don't believe you. Shut up.

>> Goodbye.

See you soon.

the side of the river. River

He knows we got to move fast.

>> We got to find Bobo.

>> I know that.

>> Where the hell is he anyway?

Ow.

Heat.

No, not Lolita. Go away.

Help

me.

Where are they?

Help

me.

>> Donna, where are you?

Are you up here?

Where are you,

Donna?

Oh, so good. God.

Hey,

you need

I'm not

sorry.

Eveie,

>> you'll be back.

>> Eevee.

Eie.

She was here one minute.

She was gone.

First Oscar, Donna,

now Eve.

What's going on?

I can't take it, Saint.

>> Okay. Okay, honey. Going to get out of

this house for good.

>> When?

>> Now.

What are we going to do with Conrad?

We're

>> going to dump him.

>> No, we got to put him back where we

found him or he belongs.

>> Yeah. Yeah,

you're right.

It belongs there.

I own that. Saint, I'm not going back

there, man.

>> No way. Stew, don't give me a ton of

[ __ ] Just go upstairs and get the

flashlights and let me worry about the

details.

>> Saint, look, just

Sto

Heat.

Heat.

All right.

>> No.

Get away.

Get away from me.

Hey

strength Yes.

Another

Hey, have you seen Stu?

>> I thought he was with you.

>> God,

he's not in his room either.

Uh,

look, I know you're not going to like

this, but you're going to have to help

me take Conrad back to the cemetery.

>> I won't go near that place again.

>> Me, come on.

>> And I'm not staying here either,

>> I used to love this old house.

I hate this house.

>> Honey, the walls are so cold. Did you

know that a woman committed suicide here

once? Did you know that?

>> Yes, I did. I can feel their ghost.

>> I know that someone is after me.

>> Hey, come on, honey. Honey, come on.

Don't get crazy on me. Okay,

I love you. Everything's going to be

just fine. Okay. All you've got to do is

just come with me and wait in the

hearse. Come on, honey. Come on.

Come on. Come on, honey. Come on. Come

on. First, we got to try and find Stu.

Okay. I hope to God nothing's happened

to him. I'm going to go look in the

back. You look around the side of the

house. Please, M. We are running out of

time. It is going to be lights. Please.

>> Do you think that the dead can come back

to life?

>> No, I don't.

>> We did something bad. I know someone is

after me.

Stewie,

Still,

still

save.

See, I'm going to go to the police and

tell them everything. I'm sorry.

Look, I'm not trying to stop you.

Just see, I'm scared.

I don't know what's going to happen to

us.

You can't stop me.

>> Where's my husband's body?

>> Where'd you get this number?

>> From Conrad.

>> Damn it.

Look, I'm sorry, Meg, but time has run

out. I need you with me. I need you with

me. I don't have time for this nonsense

anymore. Look, I am going to get the car

and you are going to go running upstairs

and you are going to pack your stuff and

you're going to do it now. You are going

to go now. Go.

I knew they had the imagination, but I

didn't believe they had the cuts.

>> Okay, professor. Going to check it out

for you.

>> But you got to give me something more

substantial to connect Rats off.

Something with your kids.

I need something to work with. Do you

understand me?

Maybe

>> just a red carnation.

>> Frank,

we're going to need a search warrant

from Judge Stewart. Get it the first

thing in the morning.

Who's there?

Come here. Come here.

No. Oh,

no.

No.

Heat. Heat.

Oh my god,

Nick.

B.

I love you,

but I can't take you with me anymore.

I got to go make things right.

Heat.

Heat.

Where is St. Meg?

Where do you live, girl?

Come on.

great right there.

Welcome again to the rugs of saga

brought to you uninterrupted by

commercials.

I love a captive audience.

Is it getting hot in here? A trifle

stifling.

Don't breathe in those fumes. They're

really nasty.

Sh.

Heat. Heat.

Huh?

Come on.

Please.

Aha.

Hey,

hey, hey.

Oh [ __ ]

Hey.

[ __ ]

Come here.

Come here.

Let it out.

She

know

Heat.

Heat.

He was terrifying in life,

but even more so in death.

Come, Mrs. Roma. Let's go

>> in a minute. At uh wait for me at the

car. I just want to say goodbye to

Conrad.

>> As you wish, my dear.

I need these a lot more than you do,

Conrad. My love,

these are all the gifts you always

promised but never gave me.

I gave you everything.

You won't need to tell time anymore, my

sweet.

And you thought you could take it with

you.

Good evening, madame.

A pity you missed your chance of

watching the entire collection of Conrad

Ragoff Hollers films.

that other pleasures await you.

Come to me,

my love.

Hell. Well, it's not as bad as you

think. It's actually quite pleasant.

Maybe the food is a trifle overcooked on

the champagne Californian, but you do

meet the most interesting people.

I hope in future you will show more

respect for the dead.

Be ready.

Heat. Heat.

Are you ready?

Heat. Heat. Heat.

Are you ready?

Are you ready?

Fight Joe.