Original subtitles

And as we lay our brother to rest, we remember the man he was.

A proud Martian, raised in the northern lowlands. His parents named him Daryl, I

think? He might have actually told me Carol.

Or maybe even Daryl?

Bottom line, I didn't know him well. But because he was our only congregant, I

tried to engage with him. But he was so low energy. One time I made boozy

popsicles from the Sacramento wine. Fun, right? Well, he took one, but just one.

And he nursed it. I had seven, eight...

Anyway, let it say amen.

Sorry about the shallow grave, bud. This Mars gravity sucks for burying stuff.

Refill the wafers.

Charge up the holy water.

Now that's a high meniscus.

Pretty high. I'm sure you have seen higher, my lord.

Zero foot traffic and yet the dust keeps coming.

I'm a total pyro, so this is fun for me.

What do you say, Lord?

Showtime?

And God destroyed the Earth so he could bring us to Mars.

He saved one-sixteenth of the human race and taught us how to fly cars.

Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with another day on this barren planet.

I also thank you for all the tedious cleaning which you leave totally to me.

Then there's the Mars dust, which, like you, great Lord, is present all the

time, everywhere and in everything, in every orifice of my body.

Thank you.

But Lord, what I really want is a flock.

It's feeling like flock time. Or start slow. Send me one soul to save. Or ten.

Look, I'm not going to tell you how to do your job. Okay, that's it. I'm in.

What do you say, Lord?

And I'm ready, ready and waiting. Do I have time to pee?

Hello? Anybody here?

Sorry, I thought I just had to pee, but God is bountiful. I'm Father Roger, by

the way. Put her there.

Oh, that's nice.

Father Roger, I've been wandering a long time. I'm just so very tired.

Okay, well, that sack looks heavy. Maybe put that down? No, it's not that.

Have you tried resting?

Sleeping at night so you have energy during the day?

I'm tired in a spiritual sense.

Oh, okay. Then I'm your man.

I've never felt at peace.

I think because I never embraced the Lord. But I feel ready to walk his path.

Yay!

Okay, first off, yay.

Secondly, your wandering days are over. Now you're riding shotgun with me and G

.O.D.

Oh, that sounds nice.

But Father, can I ask, where's the rest of your congregation?

Oh, they're coming. Just taking a little longer than I thought. After they

terraformed Mars, this town was about to boom.

But then it just, it just didn't. Maybe because of the dust, which I love.

You get used to it.

Lousy dust ruining my life.

Anyway, welcome.

I don't mind the dust, actually.

Oh, well, then you're gonna love dust season. I've learned to love it.

Besides, I don't have the space bucks to go anywhere. You know how that goes.

Nice boots.

Tecovas? Space tecovas. So, what do you say?

Me, you, and the Lord? We build this congregation together?

I say let's do it.

That's just a taste of what's to come.

Lord, I know I often use this time to power cry, but today I want to thank

you. I asked for a soul to save, and that's what you sent me.

Are you sure about that?

Oh, not you again.

Just hear me out. Maybe the Lord hasn't sent you a soul to save.

Maybe he sent you an opportunity. I'm not listening. Go on. The man's rich.

Those boots.

Plus the sack he won't put down. I did notice the sack.

What do you think's in there?

Money. Our ticket out of here. I can't rob him. I'm a priest.

To no one. Think about it. We could leave Mars.

Go to a big city with lots of souls to save. A flock.

I'm so ready for a flock.

So what you're saying is, we would sneak in, grab the sack, and be gone before he

even woke up?

I didn't hear anything.

Get him.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

This crucifix is so jagged, there should be a warning label.

I feel so bad.

But this sack isn't going to look in itself.

Release the jewels!

What? Shoe polish?

And some book?

How to maintain shoes and dignity with no money.

I've read this.

And as we lay our brother to rest... We remember the man he was. A liar who

acted all rich when he was not.

And then something happened to him.

Amen. What can I say, Lord? I'm sorry. I made a mistake.

But everyone makes mistakes sometimes, right?

I guess now that I look at it, I have probably made a flock's worth of

mistakes.

But that was the old me. The new me is finally ready to do it right. But I need

your help, Lord. I'm asking you one last time.

Please send me a soul to save!

Oh, he killed them all. That's pretty cool.

Well, what's next?

Maggots, the collection train is here. Get those earth materials in your gravel

bins.

Rocks. Stones.

Metals. Gems.

Whatever we find, we hand to them. Guys, look what I found.

Oh, man.

Maybe I'll retire there when I pay off my debt to the company.

You'll never pay off your debt to the company. None of us will.

I just did.

I came here as a baby. But my life's about to begin.

Oh. Oh.

Dying is against the rules.

What's this?

Worthless trash.

William, you know you're to turn any materials you find over to the company

immediately, William.

Yes, but... Don't worry.

You'll receive a fair trial.

And the trial has concluded you've been sentenced to death. I respect the

court's decision!

The company thanks you for your years of dedicated service.

And on a personal note, I'd just like to say... Yakety yak! Don't come back!

My gems!

And he stole gems?

The punishment was too lenient.

What do you say, Jeffy? How about a song for the boys?

I don't feel like singing now. Our lives mean nothing to these people.

Wait, I might have found something.

What is it?

Never mind that. Just turn it in. You saw what happened to Billy.

A kaleidoscope, maybe?

Psst, kaleidoscope. It's clearly an audio device.

Hello?

Oh, duh.

It's a gag reflex trainer.

Huh?

What's this thing do?

What was that?

Maybe it was your whip?

Don't talk about my whip.

And don't eyeball my whip.

I was just admiring it.

Coveting my whip is a sin. Two more.

I think this is an old-timey weapon.

We could use it to escape.

Are you nuts?

They'd kill us if we got caught.

They're gonna kill us anyway, Al. We could use this thing to get past the

fish, then slip onto the collection train.

We don't even know where the train goes.

Anywhere but here.

Just think about it.

Hi-ya!

That's a karate-flavored whip step.

I invented that.

Good morning, Jeffrey.

Another beautiful day spent together on Earth Fragment 151822.

I dreamed of the beach last night, Al. I have to get out of here.

Okay.

Then I'm coming too.

Wait, really?

Well, yeah, you're my best friend.

Let's find this beach.

Start that shrimp business we've been talking about.

Tuttle Jeff Shrimp. Wow, this is great.

What, did I?

Did we?

I'm sorry, I don't remember the shrimp thing. Maybe I just thought it. Anyway,

what's the plan?

Maggots, the collection train is here!

What are you maggots doing?

We're escaping!

Yeah, this is a weapon!

Like a mini-whip?

No, like an old-timey space blaster. We'll shoot you with it! I'm skeptical.

Ow!

Come on!

Sorry, Dick.

Okay, I believe you.

What kind of sicko ties a fish up with his own beloved whip?

Quick, the train!

Big mistake using my own whip against me. It motivated me like crazy.

Unwhip, my friend!

You're not gonna shoot.

Nice try, maggot. Wait, why is my water draining?

My only regret is not whipping you even more constantly.

You did it, champ! We're free!

Sorry, Al.

When I fired this thing, it launched me into space.

Well, fire it the other way. Fire your way back to me.

It's empty!

Grab hold!

Hold on! I'm coming to get you!

No! If you step off that train, you're dead.

We were gonna find that beach together.

I know.

But hey, don't feel bad for me. I made it out of the mines.

What about Tuttle Jeff Shrimp Company?

Promise me you won't do it!

Oh. Did you not like the idea?

There are a lot of challenges in that business.

Sourcing the shrimp, fostering brand partnerships.

I mean, do we even know there are oceans left?

He's afraid of success.

But I would have loved working with you, friend.

Hmm, seems like something happened to Earth.

Breakfast service was a most honorable effort. Your lab-grown eggs were a

triumph, daughter.

And what of my potato croquette?

Good, but I believe a creamier interior is yet possible, son.

Father, I've been thinking.

Maybe it is time for me to grow a child.

You believe you're ready to take a baby out of the genetic recombinator,

daughter? Indeed, it feels like it were just yesterday that Mrs. Smith and I

were taking you out of the genetic recombinator.

I will think on it. I feel... I said I will think on it. Now, lunch service.

Mrs. Smith?

A summer corn salad followed by a corn salmon escabeche with blue corn

tortillas and a duet of corn desserts.

We've got a lot of corn right now.

We've just gotta put a dent in this corn.

There is the matter of the corn cutter and creamer tool?

What matter? It's broken.

The creaming edge is badly warped and must be replaced.

You'll check the spare parts drawer.

Or... perhaps we could ask for a new tool.

You could go upstairs?

Upstairs? We do not go upstairs, son. You say that, but why not?

Because it is not protocol.

I've never done it. My father never did it. His father never did it. We do not

call on the upstairs.

The upstairs.

Have they ever even thanked us for what we do down here?

I do not know the upstairs!

And you will not know the upstairs!

It is by design that we do not know them, and that they do not know us.

Go upstairs.

For a simple repair?

The boy just doesn't love protocol.

Which makes no sense, because loving protocol is protocol.

Although I've made great progress on the repair, the corn cutter and creamer tool

will not be ready for lunch service.

We must make do with the paring knives for now.

Paring knife to cream corn.

Give me strength, Space Jesus.

Okay. One gram too much parsley, but also okay.

Unseparated corn kernels? Have we standards here or no?

If I just had the proper tools, Father.

We'll speak of this later when I'm not trembling with rage.

Yes, I know. Lunch service was a disaster.

About that, Mr.

Smith. I was consulting the protocol manual.

Ah, the protocol manual.

Yes. And according to Article 14, Rule 322P...

The downstairs can go upstairs in cases of emergency.

So you will travel upstairs then and request a new tool?

Mrs. Smith, can we speak informally for a moment?

Certainly. I'm scared. I've never gone upstairs.

I do not know their ways.

What if I make a fool of myself?

Oh, you could never do that, Mr. Smith.

You are Mr.

Smith. What if... what if they're mean to me?

No, I cannot go.

Now please leave me. I have dinner service bearing down on me.

Oh, come on.

Guide me, fathers.

I will be traveling upstairs.

Yes. You must dress appropriately for the occasion.

I hope this is still the style.

An anniversary bow is always in fashion, Mr. Smith.

The protocol manual.

Thank the gods for Mrs. Smith.

The downstairs requests permission to enter.

By the power of Article 14, Rule 322P.

Hello?

Article 14?

Captain Jean-Luc Bullock-Mamori of the SS Ducalion speaking.

We're in year 284 of our 500-year journey to colonize New Earth.

That's over a century ago.

But our mission has zero chance of success.

I guess a scientist made a mistake.

And New Earth is actually an uninhabitable sphere of superheated gas.

And the closest habitable planet is well beyond our fuel reserves.

It's hopeless.

So we've made a difficult decision.

We're gonna kill ourselves!

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

We are going to kill ourselves.

Trust me, we tried to make a go of it.

Orgy after interminable orgy. But with the knowledge that we were heading

nowhere with no future, no prospects, no purpose.

Well, it got old fast.

The meals were particularly monotonous.

Monotonous? So here's to the bash to end all bashes.

Cap, you're missing the cyanide conga line.

Lunch service complete.

What did they say, Father?

They're all... Yes?

They thanked us.

Thank the gods.

And said what we do down here is critical to the mission.

And that our meals are not monotonous. Not monotonous?

Well, that's nice.

And what of the corn cutter and creamer tool, Mr. Smith?

Oh, the tool.

They didn't give me one. They hated the corn. They want it purged from the

garden. I shall go upstairs and apologize.

No! No.

They said our interpretation of the protocol manual was too liberal.

Oh, dear.

They've forbidden us from going upstairs ever again.

But... They did give us a gift to thank us for our years of service.

It's a device that produces pleasing sounds.

They suggested we might enjoy it while we cook.

Speaking of, dinner service is in two hours. Let's get to it.

These sounds really do help me work. Thank you, upstairs.

Pretty good story. It's pretty interesting.

Oh, a hovercraft.

That's good.

Good money is good.

Oh, now that's good.

I'd like to put that on my belly button.

Hello? I'm calling about the vibratile massage device.

Bye. Have a beautiful time.