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Ms. Gregory on phone: Hello? Hi.

Is this, um... I'm looking for a Miss Gregory.

Ms. Gregory: Uh-huh.

That you? Ms. Gregory: Yeah. That's me.

Oh, cool. Uh, I'm Dunn. Ms. Gregory: That was fast!

No.

Ms. Gregory: I'm kidding... I'm just kidding.

My name is Dunn. Ms. Gregory: Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

Ms. Gregory: Sorry. Oh, that's fine.

It... it happens. Um...

Ms. Gregory: What can I do for you?

Oh, right. Yeah.

Uh, I'm calling on behalf of Macklin Medical.

Ms. Gregory: Oh.

Yeah, looks like you owe $667--

Ms. Gregory: Jesus! I already paid!

I explained this... Hey!

...to the last guy-- Hey. It's okay.

Ms. Gregory: No, it's not. No, I get... I get that.

I get that, but that's... that's why...

that's why I'm calling. Ms. Gregory: This is a mistake.

You know?

I'm calling to... to help you.

Ms. Gregory: Really? Yeah. That's right.

Ms. Gregory: Thank you.

I'm here to help you pay what you owe.

Let's go over some options.

Option-- Ms. Gregory: Dunn?

Yes, ma'am.

Ms. Gregory: Absolutely go fuck yourself.

Okey dokey.

Funny joke.

♪ It's been a really, really Messed up week ♪

♪ Seven days of torture Seven days of bitter ♪

♪ And my girlfriend went And cheated on me ♪

♪ She's a California dime ♪

♪ But it's time for me To quit her ♪

Let's go over your options.

Caller 1 on phone: I don't wanna go over options!

Option one, pay full amount today.

Caller 1: I'm not paying, dick head.

That's what I thought. Option two,

we can put you

on a repayment plan, okay?

That money is gonna come out the seventh--

Caller 1: I got a great idea.

How about I put you on a re-fuck-ment plan, asshole?

Please don't put your kid on--

Tiff on phone: Hi, Dunn! Yeah, hey, Tiff!

Hi! How you doing?

Are you gonna hurt my dad?

Caller 3: Six thousand dollars for a colonoscopy?

How about I shove a finger up your ass,

and swirl it around--

...swirl it around!

♪ We're goin' at it Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ There's a party on the rooftop Top of the world ♪

♪ Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ And we're dancin' on the edge Of the Hollywood sign ♪

♪ I don't know if I'll make it ♪

♪ But watch How good I'll fake it ♪

♪ It's all right, all right Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ You got me singin' like "Woah, oh, oh" ♪

♪ Come on ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ It doesn't matter ♪ ♪ Woah, oh, oh... ♪

Hey. Hey. Hey, man, what's up?

I think there's a portal to hell in your laundromat.

Shit.

I can see why you thought it might be a portal to hell.

Yeah? I mean, I hate jumping to assumptions

as much as the next guy.

Hey, Pete, what does that look like to you?

A portal to hell. Oh.

Thanks, Pete.

Pete knows his stuff. He seems great.

I'm Dunn, by the way. Ed.

You know, this is my favorite laundromat? I--

Happy to hear it.

Uh, so, should we call somebody, or...

Oh, I can't get shut down. No, owners would kill me.

Everyone's so sensitive after Covid, you know?

Everything's gotta be safe, safe, safe.

It's just-- You know? Totally.

Can I help? What?

I don't know, I-- Can I help?

Uh, what if somebody stumbles into it?

You think the mat could be liable?

Or someone could get hurt? Oh, f--

But, yeah, probably liable too.

Nice. Yeah.

Is she looking at me? Shit.

Morning, Mr. Bobshank. Hi, Mr. Bobshank.

Morning, Mr. Bobshank.

How are you? Hey.

How's it going?

How about this weather, huh?

Oh! Look out, caterpillar! What?

Right there. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ.

I almost missed her.

It's just a caterpillar.

Well, if I drown her, she'll never be a butterfly.

Are you okay, son? Why? Portal to hell?

What? No. I heard yelling last night.

Oh, I'm sorry. Really sorry.

That... that might have been work.

How's that going? It's great.

Sounds pretty fucking shitty to me.

Seeing people at their worst?

Yeah, there's some... bad people.

In my experience,

they're all bad people when they owe money.

Not the good ones.

You really think there are just good people and bad people?

Two big buckets?

Yes.

It's none of my business.

Life's too short to be miserable.

Oh, that reminds me. How's your, um...

how's your cancer going?

Still terminal.

It won't be long. I'm so sorry--

I shouldn't have brought that up.

That's just... I-- Can I...?

You know, can I... can I help with...

can I... can I help with it?

Can you cure cancer?

Oh, I don't--

No. I...

No. Then no.

Okay, right.

Um... I... I... I'm sorry,

I... I didn't... I didn't mean to.

Look, look, it's... it's fine.

I'm not offended. All right.

And even if I was, I'm gonna be dead soon

from the goddamn cancer. Because of the cancer.

Um, I'll... I'll text you? Yeah, uh, maybe.

Did you say...

a portal to hell?

♪ David Pepperdine ♪

♪ David Pepperdine, Pepperdine Make you mine ♪

♪ David Pepperdine Make you mine! ♪

David on phone: Hello? Hello?

Mr. Pepperdine? Yeah.

Hey, it's Dunn. Again?

I'm calling on behalf of--

Didn't I already tell you to fuck off?

Yes! You sure did. You told me that last week.

And looks like, uh...

Dammit. This fucking--

Pre... previous seven weeks you said the same thing.

You said, "Fuck you!" And I was like... I was like,

"No, but you owe this money still."

Yeah. Fuck.

Uh-huh, I'm following up on those conversations,

and just seeing if you have that money...

...that you owe.

You're calling from an L.A. area code?

What?

I'm in LA.

How's the weather?

Are you honestly dumb enough

to use your personal phone? What, are you freelance?

I'm an independent contractor, actually.

Legally, I don't know.

I'm a bad guy, you understand?

You live alone?

Do I--

I don't have roommates. Good.

So, here's what's gonna happen, Dunn.

I'm gonna find you, and I'm gonna fucking kill you.

Now, I just Googled your number,

and here's the first address that came up.

Five Six Two Seven Magnolia--

Anything new?

Nah.

Hey, you want my number?

Why? Oh, uh...

in ca... in case you need help with the...

Oh!

No, I'm not really a big texter.

Right.

Why is this even happening?

Why this laundromat?

Why me?

Should we figure it out?

You wanna throw something in? Yeah, yeah, I do.

Do you have something? Yeah.

Have you opened it yet? God, no, I don't go near it.

What?

You'll probably be fine, Dunn. Go.

Yeah, probably.

Okay.

Fucking do it. Okay, okay!

I don't think we should throw anything in.

Abort. Abort, abort, abort. Yeah.

So, I think that, like,

we sort of felt the portal out, you know?

Hmm. Yeah.

Like, it... it knows where we stand.

We know where it stands. Yeah.

Should we close it?

That depends. Are you fucking crazy?

Well, we can't leave it open. Someone could get hurt.

I'm not going near it.

You're scared? I'm not scared.

Then go close it.

Just go at it from, like, the side.

You go at it, like, from the side.

You're the sideler. I'm a what?

Yeah, you're a sideler. What is--

You come up... you come up on people's side.

What is that? Whatever.

Is that a thing? You're real, so it's real.

I think you should just go close it.

I think you should just go close it!

Just go close it. You go close it!

Oh.

I would have done it. I know you would have.

Ed, prelap: Sorry, why are we doing this?

Rules. Figure out the Portal Rules.

Why do we need to know the rules?

'Cause then we can figure out why is there a portal to hell?

What does it want? And how to get rid of it?

Oh, you... you wanna get rid of it, right?

I mean, it hasn't done anything to me.

What about the people doing laundry?

The people doing--

You think I could get fired? It's a portal to hell.

Allegedly. We don't know that for sure.

I'm glad you brought that up. 'Cause we don't know, do we?

It does kind of have an orange glow.

I think if it was a portal to heaven,

it would be, like, more, like, blue, white...

happy.

The screams are a big giveaway too.

Could be screams of joy.

Could be.

But if it is a portal to hell, and it does do something,

I think we should figure out these rules.

Backup plan. Yeah.

Love that. Okay, here's what we got.

It's an "alleged" portal to hell...

and it could open on its own. Mm-hmm.

That's it?

Oh, yeah, for now. What we don't know...

Fuck. ...is it a one way?

You know? Are things going in...

...or is something coming out?

Automated voice on voicemail: You have two saved messages.

Message one. Kevin on voicemail: Hey, bro!

Okay, just had an idea for the place.

What if we got, like, neon signs?

Like, everywhere.

Cause I've been watching a ton of streamers,

and they have them all over their walls.

It looks so sick, because I've been thinking...

I've been thinking, like,

what if I started streaming again?

You know, 'cause I... I... I... I think it's like, you know,

maybe that would be...

...something, you know, for me to do, so, um...

You know what?

It's probably stupid, or whatever, but, um...

Uh, anyway, I... I know you're busy,

so, just, uh... just give me a call back whenever,

um, I'm around.

So, love you. Okay. Bye.

You do a lot of laundry, man.

Thanks. That's not a--

Yeah. Okay. What?

Something came out.

Okay.

What is it? It-- Sulfur.

Definitely demonic. Oh, definitely.

I think it's better if I stay with the laundromat.

Are you sure? 'Cause I'd feel a lot safer

if you came with me right now. I--

Well, just in case it returns, right?

Protect the customers.

Customers?

I... I think I'm the only one here, um...

I mean, you never know, right?

So... Right. Uh, yeah, I just...

I really prefer not to be alone, you know?

Okay.

You'll be all right though. Just go ahead, okay?

Just go. Just go.

You know, I just don't think it's in here.

I know. Mm-hmm. I think it's out here, you know?

I think you're right. Just go for it. You got it.

I just... I just-- I need your help.

Go.

You're gonna s-- Okay.

Here we go. Ooh!

Oh, sugar fuck.

Are you from the portal to hell?

What gave me away?

Um...

how's--

I'm Dunn.

Okay. No, no, my name... Dunn.

Hi, I'm Chip.

What's all this about, Chip? What, you mean me?

Or, uh, life in general?

The portal. Oh, the portal!

Well, there's a man who lives up the street,

and soon he'll be dead.

And you're gonna...? Drag him to hell?

Okay, right. Sure.

Yeah, literally. It's my job.

Wait. What?

It's not Mr. Bobshank, is it? It is.

That's who I'm here for. How'd you know?

He's the best guy ever. I agree.

Why is he going to hell?

Well, he hurt someone bad, and he knows it.

He's a good person.

He smokes outside. He... Nice.

...has plants.

Names all of them. See? That's lovely.

He said "hello" to me four times, unprompted.

Well, really, three.

I think one time he was just saying

he was done with something, but I...

I still count it. You should.

He's full of information and advice.

He talks to me even though...

He doesn't wanna. I know he doesn't want to.

He doesn't wanna.

He's tough to crack, but...

If it's not hard, what's the point, you know?

He owes a debt.

Can I help him pay it?

You wanna make a deal?

Not really. I--

But, you know, I don't wanna leave Mr. Bobshank

high and dry.

Tell you what. Give me three souls. Three.

Three...

people? Three souls,

or Bobshank will burn, and the world will end.

The world's gonna end too?

If it makes you feel better,

sure, why not?

Can they be bad people? I don't give a shit.

I defer to you.

Actually, you know what? You know that song that goes...

♪ La, la, la, whatever ♪

♪ La, la, la, doesn't matter ♪

♪ La, la, la, oh, well! La, la, la ♪

♪ We're going at it Tonight, tonight! ♪

Yeah, that one! Who sings that? Ah, shit. Who is that?

Hot Chelle Rae. Hot Chelle Rae!

It's been stuck in my head. It's fucking earworm.

It's a banger.

You throw any of those guys in the portal,

we're good. Are they bad people?

They're musicians. So, yeah, probably.

Right, okay.

Hey Chip? Yeah, Dunn?

Why are you doing this?

Giving Mr. Bobshank a second chance?

Eh, why not?

Dunn. What's up, Mr. Bobshank?

You got, uh...

something on your mind? No.

Great.

Hey, you think it's okay to...

do something bad...

to help someone... good?

Ah, Jesus.

Look...

depends on how good the person is.

The best.

How bad the bad is? The worst.

Does this have anything to do with that portal to hell?

Uh, you... you want my advice? More... more than anything? Yes.

Find another laundromat.

I like that laundromat.

Let me tell you something that my dad told me.

Words to live by.

Sounds really deep.

"Watch your own dick, son."

Sorry, what? "Watch your own dick."

Don't worry about your neighbor's dick,

what the guy over there is doing.

We all got our own dick to worry about.

Ladies got their own dicks to worry about.

You can't go around trying to save everybody else's dick,

poking your dick into other dick's business.

What if... what if someone's dick

is in trouble?

Did they ask you for help? No.

Then watch your own dick.

What if... what if someone's... what if someone's dick...

doesn't know it needs help?

Are you talking about me? What? No, no.

You sure? 'Cause I swear to fucking God

it sounds like you're talking about me.

I'm not talking about you. Well, if it is me--

It's not you. If it is me--

It's not you.

You watch your own dick! It's not-- Okay, yeah, got it.

God dammit. It's not you.

Watch your own dick! Oh, God, he's so...

Dunn, prelap: I'm sorry.

I really am.

I can't kill people.

Not even for Mr. Bobshank.

I'm just not a bad person.

You know, I work in the debt business.

I would imagine it's similar.

And, uh, I'm my own boss.

Not really. But, you know,

sometimes we get bad information,

and maybe that's what this is. Maybe it's a mistake.

Dunn? One sec.

Yeah. That's me. What's up?

David. Hey, David.

David Pepperdine.

David Pepperdine? What are you doing here?

I came here to fuck you up.

Please don't.

Um, it's not safe for you here.

What... what is that? We should get out of here.

What are you doing?

Uh, uh, nothing, but we... we should go.

I ain't going nowhere, man. Let's go someplace safe,

and go over your repayment options.

No!

Oh, God, it hurts!

David! It hurts!

Hold on, Mr. Pepperdine! Oh, dear God!

His leg...

I don't know, I...

I just feel better.

Like, the... the cancer is eating away at you

less quickly. Hmm.

Fuck. I... I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have brought--

Uh, look. look, it's... it's okay, it's okay.

It... it is like the...

Like, "The cancer is eating away at me

less quickly." That's great.

About your cancer. Um...

did anything happen to you?

Lot of things happen to me.

I mean...

Are you all there?

If I can put you on this payment plan.

Twelve months, no interest.

It's gonna be cheaper in the long run.

Caller on phone: Um... I promise you that.

Okay. Yeah.

Let's do it. Yeah?

Yeah. If it's gonna save me money.

Okay, great.

I'll email you right now. Okay.

Thank you. Yup.

You too.

Hello.

Man on phone: Hello? Can-- Fuck. Can you hear...?

Hello? Fuck.

Come on! Oh! Oh, there you are, I gotcha!

Can you hear me? David Pepperdine?

No, it's Chip, man.

We met in the alley the other night.

The... the demon? You wanna talk to David?

No, no, I don't wanna talk to David.

No talk to David.

Here, I'll put him on. No, please don't put him on.

Please! Make it stop!

No, he'll be fine,

he'll be fine. What do you want?

Well, in the long term? Two more souls.

Was that not clear?

I'm just calling to say congratulations.

For what? Killing Davey.

I didn't think you had it in you.

I saw... I saw you... I saw-- Like, "This is a good guy."

"Definitely not a murderer." That was a big misread.

I'm not a bad guy.

It's fine, buddy. We're demons.

You don't have to lie, not to me.

I'm proud of you. One down, two to go.

It was an accident. Accident, shma-ccident.

Look, I mean, once you do one, you know?

Look, it makes no difference to us

after the first one.

It's kind of like losing your virginity.

You might as well go nuts. Sounds great.

We'll follow up with you next week.

All right.

Oh, my God. What...

What happened? I don't know.

I haven't checked the cameras yet.

This portal was fun at first, but... fuck.

Sorry. Cameras? Yeah.

That's amazing.

'Cause then you'll know exactly what happened.

Yeah.

I'll check the security feed once I'm done,

and just depending what's on there,

I will call the cops. You haven't called them yet?

I can't get shut down, man! Are we even sure this is blood?

Tough to tell.

What are you... what are you doing?

Nothing.

You gonna try to push me into the portal--

You just did it again! Okay.

Um... Uh, no, I wouldn't.

What the fuck, man?

Okay, okay. You're right, you're right.

Okay, listen, listen, listen. Fuck!

Uh, no, no, no. Okay.

Can we just please go somewhere to talk?

Sure. Okay.

Just stop trying to push me into the portal to hell.

I wasn't.

Three people. Three.

Or one of the members of the band, Hot Chelle Rae.

Oh. Who are you trying to save?

Just my neighbor with cancer and the whole planet.

Mr. Bobshank?

You know Mr. Bobshank? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he does laundry on Thursdays.

Thursdays?

He was, like, a big businessman

back in the day.

And he gave all his money to charity, and...

I don't know. He's the best. He is the best.

So, makes sense.

But, you know...

I don't know where I'm gonna find

two more bad people to throw into the portal.

Everyone in Los Angeles has been so nice and genuine.

Why don't you have them come to you?

What do you mean? Yeah.

Catch a predator.

Post some shit. See what monster turns up.

That's really smart.

Right? Like really smart.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey.

"Why don't you take a seat right over here?"

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Uh... "Oh, hey, how ya doin'? Uh, why don't you take a seat?"

"Um, hey, why don't you take a seat

right over here?" "Got you a stool right here."

"Take a seat." "Take a seat."

"Just take a seat."

"Take a seat right over here." "Take a seat."

"Take a seat, take a seat, take a seat."

Dude, that's such a good idea.

"Why don't you take a seat?"

You done?

Starving.

Sup, bud?

You, uh...

you wanna buy some coke?

Nope. You cool?

I think so.

I think you're pretty cool too, so, uh...

here's my card in case you change your mind.

Hey, tell them you wanna have sex.

Yeah. That's it-- Work. Well-- That's what.

Watch this. Yeah.

"Bring... flowers."

"I'm... classy."

That's really good but really gross.

Oh, looks like we got a little nibble.

That fast? Who is it?

VadgeBadger69. Vadge Badger.

Gross. Real sicko.

Sending our exact address.

Okay.

Hey, do you ever get, um, lonely?

No. Yeah.

I don't either.

You, um...

...you like that girl?

Which girl?

The girl with the hair.

And I think she does laundry on Tuesdays.

She seems kind of sad.

The woman from 2B?

Morgan. Morgan.

Why do you think she seems sad?

Oh, shit.

He's here.

Oh, shit. I think it's a woman.

Can confirm. It's a woman.

Vadge Badger makes a lot more sense now.

Yeah.

Are we, uh...?

I think so. No, I... I don't think so.

I think we have to abort. What? Why?

Because it's a woman. We can't kill her.

Honestly, man, I think it's more sexist

if we don't shove her into the portal to hell.

I don't know.

Would you kill a male pedophile?

Okay, right. Okay.

If we kill a male pedo,

it's only fair we kill a female pedo.

Equality and stuff, you know?

Yeah, equality, right. She's gotta die.

Okay, I'm gonna get into position.

Okay. Don't forget to say it.

Oh, no. I'm... I'm not gonna say--

Who are you? I'm Dunn.

Okay. What are you doing here, Dunn?

What are you doing here, VadgeBadger69?

What the fuck!

What... what the fuck is going on here?

And... and what is wrong with that dryer?

That's... that's not normal. Fuck.

Why don't you just take a seat? What?

Yeah.

Up here.

Yeah.

That was crazy.

Um, I do need to apologize...

...about earlier.

I hesitated, you know, and that's just...

Nobody dislikes sexism as much as I do, okay?

Just-- Don't worry about it. I just want you to--

You know we all make mistakes.

Okay. Good. Good.

What do we do now?

Man. Yeah.

And then... and then, I said it. Shit.

I said, "You heard me, right?" You were like-- You were--

"Is that why you went?" Oh, yeah, you were like...

And then I-- I was like... I was like,

"Would you take a seat?" "You take a seat."

And then you were like... "Whoosh!"

And then she went... Yeah! Boom! Right in there.

Oh, that was like-- That was so crazy!

Take it! Really crazy!

You wanna grab a beer? Oh, no, man.

'Cause I... because I feel like I should...

'cause I feel like I should maybe go back in there,

and... and just clean up the evidence, I think.

Are you sure?

'Cause that one was really clean.

There's, like, nothing in there. Yeah.

It's pretty clean, but I feel like

just better be safe than sorry, you know what I mean?

Yeah, okay. Okay. Sure.

That's fine. Anyway... Yeah.

Whoo!

Chip on phone: No, no, no, man, I saw it, it was crazy!

Ed is really cool. Yeah, she's all right.

Hey, you wanna talk to Daphne?

Who's Daphne?

VadgeBadger69. Oh. No way, man.

I'm not a big pedophile fan. No, she's not a pedophile.

What... what'd you say?

I mean, she liked them young, for sure,

but she never went the distance, you know?

Tonight would have been her first.

But she would have done it?

Well, probably, yeah. Or, uh...

or she would have looked that kid in the eye,

got the help she needed, and turned her life around,

then helped others to do the same!

Saved countless kids!

Some people need to go right up to the edge

before they can change.

Definitely would have done one of the two options.

Telling you, 50/50.

Oh, Je... oh, Jesus.

Yeah, she probably would have done it, man.

She definitely would have-- Don't you worry about it!

She's a total pedo!

Yeah. She's gross.

Okay. Yeah. She's gross, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah she would have. Yeah, yeah.

She would have done it. Yeah.

You still there? Yeah, I'm still here.

Hey, Chip? Yeah.

What do you want?

I want you to get a third soul!

No, I mean, like...

I mean, I'm sure you've got portals

all over, right? But...

what do you want?

What do you want, Dunn? To save Mr. Bobshank.

No, no, no, I mean you.

Once Mr. Bobshank is saved, what do you actually want?

I lost someone.

I know.

Someone close. Yeah.

I never really...

Hey! Shut the fuck up!

Sorry, Mr. Bobshank! Sorry, Mr. Bobshank.

Tell him I'm sorry.

Yeah, I gotta go. Yeah, I gotta go too.

Yeah, me, too. All right.

I'll talk to you. Yeah. Later.

Hey.

You all right, kid?

Yeah. It's--

Sorry, I was just thinking about

my dead brother.

Oh.

Well... No, it's...

Fuck.

It's fine. We--

I shouldn't have brought that up.

No, um...

Uh, you just came out with it, huh?

We don't have to talk about it. It's...

It... it's just, uh...

I'm sorry. I'm so-- It's... it's 8:00 a.m.?

You're right, I'm sorry.

He killed himself. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, sorry.

Listen...

do you think he's in hell?

I mean, um...

Good people make bad decisions, you know?

That's not...

Look, I... I... I know what you think, but...

morality is...

just a push.

What does that even mean?

It-- Look.

You take a farmboy who's never hurt a fly...

put him through basic, put a rifle in his hand.

Tell him that the Vietcong will destroy

everyone he's ever loved.

He's a killer...

and a good guy.

You...

put a good person...

in a bad situation...

all it takes is the slightest push.

Were you in Vietnam?

Is there something you wanna ask me, son?

No.

Yes. What did you do that was so bad--

What did I tell you?

Remember what I told you.

"All farmboys are killers." Not what I said.

No, not that.

All farmboys are killers.

Dunn, prelap: Ed, he's bad. He's bad.

Yeah, speaking of bad guys, check it.

I'm a good person, okay?

Yeah, but you a bad man. You know what I mean?

I don't know what you mean. Never do.

You got, like, a dragon deep down

that weird little dungeon of yours.

Why don't you play your murder video, huh?

Boot it up! Hey.

God. All right. Fine. What did he do?

He sells cocaine.

That's basically a public service.

He cheats on his girlfriend. She's amazing.

I mean, who doesn't?

Also, how do you even know they're dating?

He spends the night. He spends the night a lot.

It doesn't mean they're dating.

I spend the night with tons of women.

Really? Yeah.

How many?

Tons. Mm-hmm.

What the f-- I don't... I don't know.

He's a pedophile.

What? Really? A hundred percent.

How do you know? Cause...

I saw him cheating on his girlfriend

with a little boy.

Oh, that's fucking awful. It's terrible.

Um... Okay, fine, yeah. Yes!

I'll... I'll leave the mat open.

Oh, you're... you're not gonna help me?

I'm kind of wiped out on throwing people

through the portal.

Okay.

Yo. Yo, it's Dunn.

Yeah, I live up, uh...

right up there by your girlfriend.

Yeah, I see her every day.

Uh... and-- Well, what's up, man?

Sup, Rip? Is that-- Am I saying that right? Rip.

R.I.P-- Why don't you rip over here,

and sell me some drugs, motherfucker?

Hell yeah. Yeah, of course I do drugs.

Of course I... of course I do drugs...

do drugs... do drugs. Of course I do drugs.

I probably sent more shit up my ass

than you've ever seen, man.

Hey, Rip.

Rip on phone: Who's this? Is this... is this Rip?

Who's asking?

Oh, hey, uh, how are you doing? This--

Wow. Your voice is really clear.

What, uh... what are you using?

Oh, yeah, it's, um... it's the A1000.

A1000. I just-- Yeah.

Okay, hold on, let me write that down.

How are they? They're the best.

Yeah? Yeah.

Wait, who is this? Oh, this is Dunn.

Dunn who? Just Dunn.

Uh, I live in your girlfriend's apartment building, you know,

and then, uh, we... we met

at the... at the... at the burger spot.

Uh, you gave me

your drug dealer card, and... Oh, I did.

Yeah, I remember you. Yeah. Yep.

You're the one who kind of, um...

Yep. I'm-- Yep. That's me. The Sideler.

Um, okay, yeah. I'd like to buy some drugs.

Came to the right guy.

What do you want? Yeah, sure.

Just...

So, do you want, like... Just the drugs.

...a little bit of everything? Yeah--

A bit of everything. Exactly right.

That's what I need, uh, from you.

Okay, hold on, let me, uh...

Is that okay? Let me-- Yeah.

Of course it's all right. Times are fucking tough.

Okay, perfect, yeah.

And then can... can you... can you meet me

at the, uh... at the laundromat

down the street from the apartment building?

For the drugs? Laundromat? Fuck.

What's wrong with your place?

Oh, what's wrong with my place?

My place is, uh... You know what, man?

There's cameras. They're fucking everywhere, man.

And, uh... Oh, yeah?

...we wouldn't want that, you know,

if we're doing this kind of stuff.

Oh, that's a good call. Um, fuck it.

Yeah, I'll be there in, like, an hour.

Yeah, perfect. Yeah, absolutely.

Uh, I'll see you there. Be careful.

What up, buddy? Hey.

Oh, would you look at that?

It's drug o'clock. Hey. Perfect.

Is that a portal to hell? I'm so sorry.

How did you know I was a Satanist?

Is that why you brought me here? Huh? Be honest.

Jacket gave me away, huh?

Yep.

Oh, God. Oh, my God, this is amazing!

This is amazing! How long has it been here?

I don't know... I don't know. We should...

uh, we should... we should go. What? No way.

Yeah. Yeah, no, you could... you could get hurt.

Look, I ride a motorcycle, bro. It's so cool.

And I don't wear a helmet. Why do you carry a helmet then?

So, people know I ride a motorcycle

even when I'm not on it.

Okay.

I'm not afraid of a little danger.

Hey, wait, wait, wait, you don't understand.

Yeah, I understand fine.

No, no, no, I was gonna push you in!

I brought you here to push you in.

Okay.

Buddy, I'm going in whether you push me in or not.

What do you mean? You have the perfect life.

I hate my life, man.

What do I have to live for?

I'm just a coke dealer.

What about Morgan? 2B?

She's whatever.

I see the way you look at her.

You can have her.

Hmm, I just feel like she should be involved

in that decision.

God. Man! It's fine. I--

Oh, I'm such a dick. No you're not.

No, I am, I am, I am, I am. No. No, you're not.

It was just a mistake.

Every day here is pain.

Maybe it will be different in there.

Uh... that's hell, so... This...

this is hell.

I'm sorry.

But I'm not a good guy. No.

I haven't been for quite some time.

No, no. No, no, no, please.

Oh, please don't.

Take care of her for me, yeah?

Oh, he's talking about his bike.

Automated voice on voicemail: You have two saved messages.

Message two.

Kevin on voicemail: Hey, man, I, uh... I... I think

I'm gonna book a flight for next week.

I, uh... I checked out, you know,

a couple airlines, but, um, it should be fine.

Oh, I also... I also, uh, checked out

a few of those neon signs,

and, uh, they're looking, like, a 100 bucks on Amazon,

so, we can get whatever we want.

You know, kitchen, beer, Kevin's room, Dunn's room.

Yeah, whatever. So, um...

Yeah, I'm, uh... I'm sure...

that the new job has... has been crazy.

You know, you're... you're doing great.

Yeah. I'm proud of you.

I can't wait to be there, man, L.A.!

It's gonna be... it's gonna be good to see you.

You know, I, uh... I love you. I'll... I'll talk to you soon.

Okay, bye.

Bobshank, prelap: Hey, Dunn, how's it hangin'?

You're looking good. Oh! Feel good.

The doctor gave me this new pill.

New pill? And I feel...

Fuck, man, I feel 20 years younger.

That's great.

You look great.

Ms. Gregory on phone: Hello.

Hey, Ms. Gregory, it's Dunn again.

I'm following up on your debt

you owe to Macklin Medical. Ms. Gregory: For fuck's sake.

I blocked your number.

Yeah, well, blocking my number doesn't change the fact

that you still owe 667-- Ms. Gregory: I don't have it.

I... I'm sorry, I...

I... I just-- I don't have the money.

I didn't do anything wrong. I... I got sick.

Uh, you know, I... I... I mean, maybe you don't know, but--

I mean, I fell behind

'cause, like, you know, I had to go to hospital,

and those are bills. Are you a good person?

Ms. Gregory: Shit, I hope so.

I... I mean, I definitely try to be,

you... you know? Right.

Ms. Gregory: Are you still there?

I'll take care of it.

Ms. Gregory: It's $700.

Yeah, I know. Don't worry about it.

Ms. Gregory: Really? Are you sure?

Yeah.

Ms. Gregory: Thank you, thank you.

Thank you so much, Dunn. Um...

Man on phone: What's going on?

Listen, I really hope you feel better.

Ms. Gregory: I don't know, he says he's gonna pay it.

Why's he doing that? Ms. Gregory: I don't know.

Dunn, prelap: I got you. Mr. G on phone: Is this a joke?

Mr. G, if this is a joke, it sure as shrimp ain't funny.

Rip on voicemail: This is Rip.

Hey, uh, where've you been? I-- Voicemail.

Got ya! I'm probably riding my bike.

Leave a message or whatever.

No, Mr. Donaldson, if you could pay me back...

...we wouldn't be here in the first place.

Mr. Donaldson on phone: I'm really sorry

I told you to go on a re-fuck-ment plan.

No, that was funny. I didn't go on one though.

Mr. Donaldson: Yeah, they... they don't exist.

I know.

Police officer on phone: So, we are filing

a missing persons report for your boyfriend?

Yeah, I mean...

we, uh, hadn't had that talk yet,

but, um...

he spent the night a lot.

It's still here?

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

I said one, right? One. Come on.

Yeah, portal's still here.

Quietly, confidently doing portal shit.

I got three.

What's that now? I got to three.

Sorry.

All right, look, man, why don't you, um...

Yeah, why don't... why don't you just give me

your number, all right?

And then I'll just text you if anything changes.

Lost my phone.

Still here.

Beer.

Beer. Two beers.

Two beers-- Three beers! Three, three.

Three beers, please.

Thank you, my friend.

Hey, yeah, buddy, how are you?

Good, thanks. Good, good.

Hey.

Hey.

It's me. You got me.

Listen, man, the last guy that found me...

didn't work out for him. You mean Davey?

Chip? Ta-da!

What are you doing here? I had to make a possession.

I thought I'd fuck two rats with one stick.

What?

You don't have that expression here?

No. What's with the suit?

It's funny.

Hey, you wanna go in the bathroom and fuck?

What the fuck is the matter with you?

No, I don't wanna fuck. Why?

Because! Oh, come on, it'll be fun.

No. No!

Yeah, no. Abso-- No!

I don't wanna fuck a guy in a-- Are you out of your mind?

All right, it was just a test. You passed.

Fuck.

Why are you here?

Well, I tried calling you,

but it just went straight to voicemail.

Threw my phone in a river.

Well, that's the rational thing to do, I suppose.

Listen, man, you got your three...

and I'm really sorry

none of them were in Hot Chelle Rae, but--

Yeah, well, I think we're all sorry about that.

It didn't take.

What does that mean, "It didn't take"?

Wasn't enough, I guess. You guess?

We had a deal, man. No, we didn't.

Yes, we did.

No, no, no, you said, "I don't want to make a deal."

I said I didn't wanna make a deal,

but I didn't want Mr. Bobshank to die.

Did you sign anything in blood, huh?

That's a Faustian bargain. We didn't even shake hands.

No, I didn't. No.

You didn't.

Listen, I know how hard you worked...

killing those three people in cold blood.

Chip, you gotta stop saying that.

I didn't kill anyone. So you say.

Come on, buddy, can't you do anything?

I don't have that kind of power. What, are you fucked?

Look, I'm not my own boss like you.

I wish. Can't you go to...

Lucy? Yeah.

No. He doesn't make decisions.

What about God? God's an asshole.

I don't wanna give you too big a peek

behind the curtain,

but God and the devil, they don't choose.

Then who does? You do.

You pick where you go. Well, yeah, sure.

If we're good or bad, with our actions, we choose--

No, not with your actions, with how you weigh your actions.

And Bobshank, well...

he weighed his sins pretty heavily.

He just needs to forgive himself.

Pretty much.

I thought he would weigh two souls.

Two souls, three at the most.

Okay, three and a half. Three and a ginger.

Three and a twin. Like this guy.

How many beers do you think it would take

for this guy to get drunk?

Two, three, five, ten?

There's only one way to find out.

That's to start drinking.

Two.

It takes two. The point is...

there are a lot of pricks up in heaven.

Dicks who...

never looked at themselves in the mirror.

But hell?

There's a lot of good guys in hell.

They made mistakes...

and they owned up to them.

And like they say, "The road to, uh...

you know, is paved with good intentions."

But don't beat yourself up about this.

You tried.

You tried. That's more than most people can say.

So, that's it? Yeah.

Unless you wanna kill a fourth.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding. That would be bananas.

That would be... that would be stupid...

finishing what you started.

Hey, you sure you don't wanna fuck this guy in the bathroom?

I'm sure I don't wanna fuck-- It'll be fun.

No. All right.

I'm out of here. You call me, okay?

Don't be a stranger.

I'm always around.

What? Jesus Christ.

What is... what is... what is it?

Hey, Mr. Bobshank.

You're looking really healthy. Um...

You wanna come in?

Yeah. Thanks.

What is it? What did you do?

What did I do? Yeah.

You did something.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

You hurt someone once.

How do you know about that? I don't, not really. I just...

I just know it happened.

What do you want?

Money?

No.

I want you to forgive yourself. You--

What a fucking unusual thing to say.

Just...

Please, just do it.

I can't.

I used to live with this burden, uh...

guilt.

I'd think about it all day. All day I'd think about it.

These past few weeks, not so much.

But it's still there, still with me.

In the back of my mind, this... this little voice.

That's great. You know, just...

get rid of it.

No, I won't.

I wouldn't be the same without it...

without the little... the little voice.

But it's smaller?

Smaller isn't gone.

But it's close, man.

Close to what?

You think one more might help?

What? Nothing, um...

Uh, the place looks nice. Uh...

What... what are you doing?

Bye, Mr. Bobshank.

Thanks. What?

What are you gonna do?

I need your help.

Yeah, I'm leaving.

Bobshank needs one more.

I just-- I...

I live here.

Me too. No.

Like, in the mat. I live here.

Yeah.

Yeah. Owners don't know. It's cool.

Not really.

You know, I'm around this thing all the time,

and I just think...

that I know the longer we're around it,

the more we belong in it.

I don't understand.

What if the portal didn't come here for Bobshank?

Hmm? What if it came here for us?

No, we're good.

We're the good guys. Are we?

Yeah.

'Cause I pushed that girl in.

And for what?

'Cause she said something I didn't like on the internet?

And now, I just go around pretending like she's...

she just doesn't exist.

And I can't... I can't... I can't...

I can't keep pretending, man.

Just give me till tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I will be as far away from that thing as possible.

And you should be too.

I can't.

I can't let him down.

I know.

Leave.

Store clerk: Hey. Hey.

Need help with something?

Uh, yeah. Uh, do you have, uh, duct tape?

And then, like, uh, zip ties, you know?

And then, like, a blindfold-- Um...

A burlap sack, actually, is what I need,

like a... just to... to put stuff in.

I don't know, just normal stuff.

Like, everyday... everyday st... everyday stuff

that you put in, like, a bag. Just sack stuff.

But it's gotta be, like, a dark color.

Or it doesn't-- You just can't see, uh...

I don't want people to see the stuff in my bag.

That's-- Yeah.

I don't want people to see the stuff

that's in the bag.

Like, i-- i-- if I was carrying this stuff around,

the stuff I'm gonna buy, I wouldn't want people to see.

Not for any reason, like, other than--

It's just gotta be-- Can't see through it.

Aisle six.

All that stuff is on aisle six? Store clerk: Mm-hmm.

Thank you. Store clerk: Mm-hmm.

Oh, hey, um... It's...

Chloroform?

Fuck.

Cups, cups, cups, and more fucking cups.

And coaster-less drinks. Fantastic.

Yo, dude. What's up? Fuck!

I've been looking for you, man.

What's up, buddy? Where you been?

Just making a drink.

All right, Mr. Alchemist, come on out when you're done.

Everyone's waiting on you. I'm coming, I'm coming.

Guys, he's coming out.

He's gonna be out here in a second.

He has no idea I'm gonna ask him to play.

Hey, hey, hey. Bro.

Come on. No. Come on, come on. Bro?

Bro. Come on, it's a vibe.

Yeah, and there's nothing vibey-er than my guy

laying his heart in his music. Come on, man.

I don't have a pick. It'll be great.

Well, if you don't have a pick, that sounds like an excuse.

So, pick another one. I hate you.

I love you!

Guys, he's gonna play! He's gonna play, okay?

All right, um...

this is... this is... a fan favorite.

It's a fan favorite.

Hey, man.

I thought you were gonna play 'Tonight, Tonight'?

Listen, you know I'm not gonna do that.

You know I'm not gonna do that.

And you know that I'm gonna continue

to ask you to do it until you do,

because it's my birthday tonight,

tonight is the night of my birthday.

Your party you threw for yourself?

I haven't been laid-- Yes!

And everyone showed up! It's great. Look!

Even the girl that-- I haven't been laid.

I don't wanna play the fucking song, man!

God. I mean, fuck.

Okay.

All right, all right.

I'll play it. He's gonna play it!

Hey, everybody.

Uno, dos, tres! Uno, dos, tres!

Maybe he didn't hear it.

Uno, dos, tres! Uno, dos, tres!

♪ It's been a really Really messed up week ♪

♪ Seven days of torture Seven days of bitter ♪

♪ And my girlfriend went And cheated on me ♪

Fuck her, man.

♪ She's a California-- ♪

Thank fucking God. Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it, dude.

I can-- I live here too. Dovin, Dovin, Dovin, Dovin.

I gotta it, boy. Stay.

Do I get a treat later if I stay?

See how cool was that?

What's up, man?

That chloroform?

You're a heavy little fucker.

Stop! Please stop.

What is that? Is that a portal to hell?

Hell yeah.

Oh, don't drag me to that. Will you just chill?

Fuck, man. Okay. Sorry.

Look, I'm a good person.

Honestly, I mean. I'm not perfect.

I've made mistakes, but... I'm... I'm good.

Thanks. Yeah.

They put you up to this? Who's "they"?

The Jews who run the music industry.

Okay. Oh, fuck, I knew it.

Come on, man.

Bobshank outside: Stop!

Hey, Dunn, what are you...

what are you doing?

I'm throwing this guy in the portal to hell.

What did he do? He's a bad guy.

He's anti-Semitic. He's in a band.

What? Oh.

What-- No, no, no, no, no. Who... who... who decides that?

You can't throw people away

just because they made a mistake.

That's almost exactly what I've been doing.

This isn't the first one?

Dunn...

How many?

Oh, God.

Three...

You've killed three people? Why would you kill three people?

For you! I did it for you.

And the world was gonna end. Maybe, I don't know.

But if I didn't do this,

they were gonna drag you to hell.

They should have, Dunn.

You can't buy forgiveness for what I did.

It's not a transaction. Yes it is.

It's three souls, or one member of Hot Chelle Rae,

and you're good. Oh, God.

What the fuck is a Hot Chelle Rae?

It's actually kind of a funny story--

Hey, bro, would you shut up?

Okay. Okay, okay. Just shut up.

What am I doing?

The reason that they're gonna drag me to hell...

Is because I deserve it.

And no number of people

that you could throw into that machine would...

would change that.

Do you wanna throw him in a little bit?

No.

See how you feel? No!

My brother died. I know.

He hung himself.

I moved here, and, uh... he was gonna move in with me.

I lost track.

All day, I call people who fucking hate me.

I couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone,

and call the one person...

who loves me.

I didn't know. I could've helped him.

But I didn't know.

You didn't make that choice for him.

People grow apart. Not brothers.

I'm not gonna let you down like I did him, okay?

I'm not gonna fail you like I did him.

I don't love you...

but it's like a really strong like.

That's great, Dunn.

But you need to listen.

Okay, here's what's gonna happen.

I'm gonna go into that portal...

because it's where I need to be.

You're gonna to let him go.

And if he presses charges, you're going to accept it.

You've done...

you've done terrible things...

for beautiful reasons. Doesn't mean you're a bad guy,

it does mean that you have work to do,

you owe a debt.

And one day...

...once that debt is paid...

...maybe not tomorrow, or the next...

maybe... a decade from now...

...you're gonna have to forgive yourself.

But what if I can't?

Then I'll see you on the other side.

Sorry about all that.

Um, yeah, I need to give you my information,

uh, for the cops.

You gotta call them and stuff, so...

Uh, um, my name is Dunn. I'm kind of busy.

Okay. Um...

All right, yeah. That's fine. I'll, um...

I'll turn myself in.

That's what I'll do. That's what we'll do.

I'll turn myself in, and then--

I'll have to answer a bunch of questions.

And... the internet?

Look, I don't wanna be a meme, man.

Let's just...

not see each other again.

Hey.

I tried to throw you into hell.

We all have bad days, man.

Come on, take me.

Hey, man, do you work here?

Probably.

This is, like, weird. It's for you.

They said if I gave you the phone, uh,

you'd throw me a 20.

Hello?

Chip on phone: Hey, yeah, buddy, how you been?

I'm here.

Yeah, well, I got somebody who wants to talk to you.

Not David.

Nah, nah, you wanna talk to David?

Uh, hey, David! Don't put David--

It hurts! Oh, dear God!

Hey, David.

Uh, no, he's fine, he's fine.

They're doing, uh-- Oh, my God. Ow!

Oh, my God. That's-- Fuck, it's awful.

But never mind, he'll be all right.

What do you want, Chip?

Bobby wants to talk.

Dunn? You there?

Mr. Bobshank? Yeah.

Yeah, we're all here. Daphne's all right.

Rip's having the time of his life.

I know you're beating yourself up.

Waiting for the police to show up.

They won't.

This isn't gonna make sense at first.

You don't have to worry about us.

We got off easy.

You got it worse,

because you have to live with it.

Don't do what I did. Don't pull away from the world.

Don't sit there and replay the same thing

in your head all day,

wishing you did something different.

It doesn't help anyone.

You don't have time, you gotta make up for it.

Start small. Take care of something small.

A plant.

Actually, fuck that.

Get a dog.

Get a fucking dog.

Quit your shitty job. Do what you love.

Do nothing, I don't care.

Make some real friends. Hey!

Here, I got them. Look out for them.

What's... what's your name? Lupe.

Lupe? My name is Dunn.

Be nice to strangers. Be nice to servers.

Tip.

For fuck's sake! Tip.

And if your better angels desert you...

know that your demons never will.

Give yourself a shot, kid.

A second chance is the greatest gift

anyone gets. So, earn it.

You think I'll ever be a butterfly?

Oh, fuck no, Dunn.

Not at fucking all.

But in time, if you're... if you're sincere...

you might be a damn decent caterpillar.

Yeah. Yeah, I will, Mr. Bobshank.

I know.

Can I ask you?

What did you do?

And one last thing...

watch your own dick.

Thanks. I'm... I'm Dunn.

Cool.

Do you wanna be my friend?

No. Okay.

Hey. Um...

Hey. Uh, Dunn, right?

Uh, yep. You know my name!

What's up?

Do you need help looking for your dead boyfriend?

♪ La, la, la ♪ ♪ Whatever ♪

♪ La, la, la ♪ ♪ It doesn't matter ♪

♪ La, la, la ♪ ♪ Oh, well ♪

♪ La, la, la ♪

♪ We're going at it Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ There's a party on the rooftop Top of the world ♪

♪ Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ And we're dancing on the edge Of the Hollywood sign ♪

♪ I don't know if I'll make it ♪

♪ But watch How good I'll fake it ♪

♪ It's all right, all right Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ I woke up With a strange tattoo ♪

♪ Not sure how I got it Not a dollar in my pocket ♪

♪ But it kinda looks Just like you ♪

♪ Mixed with Zach Galifianakis ♪ ♪ Huh! ♪

♪ La, la, la ♪ ♪ Whatever ♪

♪ La, la, la ♪ ♪ It doesn't matter ♪

♪ la, la, la ♪ ♪ Oh, well ♪

♪ La, la, la ♪

♪ We're going at it Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ There's a party on the rooftop Top of the world ♪

♪ Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ And we're dancing on the edge Of the Hollywood sign ♪

♪ I don't know if I'll make it ♪

♪ But watch How good I'll fake it ♪

♪ It's all right, all right Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ You got me singing like "Whoa, oh, oh" ♪

♪ Come on Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ it doesn't matter Whoa, oh, oh ♪

♪ Everybody, now Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Whoo! ♪

♪ Just don't stop Let's keep the beat pumpin' ♪

♪ Keep the beat up Let's drop the beat down ♪

♪ It's my party Dance if I want to ♪

♪ We can get crazy Let it all out ♪

♪ Just don't stop Let's keep the beat pumpin' ♪

♪ Keep the beat up Let's drop the beat down ♪

♪ It's my party Dance if I want to ♪

♪ We can get crazy Let it all out ♪

♪ It's you and me And we're runnin' this town ♪

♪ And it's me and you And we're shakin' the ground ♪

♪ And ain't nobody Gonna tell us to go ♪

♪ 'Cause this is our show ♪

♪ Everybody ♪ ♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪

♪ Come on ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ All you animals ♪ ♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪

♪ Let me hear you now ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ There's a party on the rooftop Top of the world ♪

♪ Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ And we're dancing on the edge Of the Hollywood sign ♪

♪ I don't know if... ♪