Original subtitles

Won't you stay with me till the end of time?

Walk with me until the road unwinds

Hold my hand when the light grows dim

Be my fire when the cold creeps in

When you're falling down and you're on the floor

and the flood waters come through your door

i got a boat to set away with me

a god of love's gonna set you free

round and round the carousel

You don't drink it with your eyes, mate. That's a good pint.

Lovely drop.

How would you describe its flavour and profile?

Oak aged, brewed with molasses and a robust malt pill.

Nothing robust about that.

No. That is as dead as a door mouse.

Door nail.

I have eaten no meat these five days, yet come thou with thy five men, and I

do not leave you all as dead as a doornail.

Shakespeare.

Henry IV.

Yeah.

I'll take a lager top.

If you want cocktails, I suggest you go over the road with the rest of the prawn

sandwich brigade.

Your sign outside says you do food.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, we do.

What do you want?

Got the drover's cottage pie?

That's what all the drovers used to eat when they were droving.

Two of those, please.

Yep. Two drover's cottage pies.

Coming up.

Bloody

mammals.

Was that?

Middle-aged Muppets in Lycra, poncing around the countryside in hot pants.

There won't be a law against it.

All right. Yeah, Dad, I'm going to need your help with these accounts. I can't

work out who's been paid, who hasn't. Yeah, don't you worry about it, mate.

It's all logged away up here.

Now, if you'd like to put your pinny on, I need two cottage pies. Then when

you've done that, you can bring the empty barrels up from the cellar because

the delivery's coming later.

All right.

And if you shove a broomstick up my arse, I'll sweep the floor as well.

Morning. Hi, my love.

Where are we off to?

Drover's Arms, please.

Where's your limo?

Celebrity like you. Thought you'd have a chauffeur.

I wake up at 3am so I can feel your love again.

Don't know where you are.

You're my guiding star.

See?

You don't recognise me, do you?

Dawn Higgins.

Played to win the bottle at my 13th birthday.

I should have shagged you when I had the chance.

Are you married?

No. Engaged?

No. Dating?

No.

Planets have aligned.

Ah.

I love a man who's in touch with his feminine side.

How do you identify?

I'm pansexual.

So, basically means I'm up for it.

Whoever, whenever, wherever.

Can we pull over?

Oh, God, yeah.

Thought you'd never ask.

I love getting down and dirty in a public place.

How much? Oh, I don't charge. I just do it for the thrill of it.

I mean the fare.

Oh.

Here's a tenner.

What happened to sex, drugs and rock and roll, eh?

Shit.

Look what that cat's dragged in.

Ed.

Edward.

You'll never guess who I've just seen.

Kyle Harley.

How do you know that? My don just texted me. Picked him up from the station.

Said he was wearing nail varnish.

What?

I wonder what he's doing back.

Probably to bail his father out of the mess he's in.

Not much to be said for fame and fortune, is there?

He's a handsome bugger, but the man looks an absolute mess.

It's called fashion, Edith.

Loads of rock stars dressed like homeless people.

There you go.

Two drovers' cottage points made to an original family recipe.

Do you want any sauces with that?

Anything.

I want him gone by the time I get back.

Same again.

This place is a madhouse.

Jake, what's happened here?

The pub was always the life and soul of the village.

Where'd everyone go?

Where did you go, Morelike?

We didn't know whether you were dead or dancing on a beach in barley.

It's complicated.

You go on the missing list for three years.

And complicated's all you've got.

You're lucky he only punched you once.

And the delivery's here.

Come on.

Least you can do is give me a hand.

Bloody hell, this takes me back.

Good memories down here with you.

Helping Grandad brew.

Saved the sentimentality for your songs.

I know.

You'd have found a way to forgive him.

I just don't know how.

Cheers.

How's your mum and dad, then, Harry? All good?

Oh, yeah, they're good, mate. Yeah, they're good. Yeah, they got a message

for you, actually. They say, um, sod off.

What's up with him?

Well, he still blames you for breaking up the Cornchiefs.

It's a high school band.

Yeah, well, you became famous. He became a delivery driver.

What about our delivery?

What about your debt?

The boss says no more deliveries until you put your hand in your pocket. How am

I supposed to run a pub without any beer?

We're a business, Jake, not a charity.

If you're desperate, you can always call Pritchard.

What's going on?

It's complicated.

Shit, Romy.

You're gonna have to drive.

I'm on a ban.

Romy, Dad's here.

Coming there.

You coming?

Probably better stay here. Are you scared she's going to punch you too?

This is a school, Jake. It's not a crash.

I know, I know. I'm so sorry, Abby.

We've had an absolute shocker at the pub today.

Is that Uncle Cal?

Yeah.

Why don't you go say hello?

So how was she today?

She's a great kid, Jake, and you know I'm fond of her, but there are 30 other

kids in the class that need my attention too.

Wow. Romy, you've grown.

There'd be something wrong if I had... Look, you don't think, um... that,

uh... you know, there might be something wrong with her?

Up top.

Look, I'm not a doctor, but I think she may have ADHD.

Oh, come on. Every man and their dog says they've got that.

If you've got ADHD, trying to focus can be... Can be really... You're going to

flood it.

...debilitating.

Right, yeah, and say she has it. I mean, how would she have got it?

It's usually genetic.

I'll have to have a think of who that could be.

Miss? Can you give us a jump start?

So you're still here?

Still here.

Still teaching. Still happy.

That's awesome.

Is it?

I thought this was the place Ambition went to die.

God, did I really say that?

Yeah.

Look, I... I was a dick.

A little bit.

The car isn't going to start itself.

Right.

Nice one, Abby.

She's got more lives than a Buddhist, this one.

Look who it is.

I'll admire your attempt to go incognito, Carl.

Good to see you too, Prachad. Oh, I heard your pumps have run dry.

No, just in between suppliers.

Shall I meet you at yours?

Perfect.

See you around, Mr Tambourine Man.

Is it serious between Abby and Pritchard? No idea, mate.

God knows what she sees in it.

Nah, me neither.

You know, apart from inheriting 170 pubs and running an award-winning brewery.

Right. Might be rolling in it. He's still a prized prick.

Sorry. I don't mind.

It's what Grandpa calls you.

At least she's honest.

Hey, where's my little ray of sunshine?

Mm, that was cool.

Oh, it was okay.

Yeah? We learned about the sea and evolution.

Oh, yeah?

Did you know jellyfish have been on this planet for more than 500 million years,

but they still don't have any brains?

Oh, well, that should give a bit of hope to quite a few people in this village.

What's he still doing here?

Well, someone had to drive.

You've got every reason to be angry, Dad.

I've come home to apologise.

It's not your home anymore.

You grab a packet, Chris, and play outside.

What kind of son doesn't even come to his own mother's funeral?

Dad, now's not the time to be stubborn.

We could do with Cal's financial help.

I'm broke, Jake.

What about your royalties and the Porsche?

Lotus.

Doesn't matter.

I flogged the car.

Cashed in the royalties for a lump sum.

Blew the lot.

On what?

What do you think?

On the high life and hookers?

I've got nowhere else to go, Dad.

Oh, I see. So have you come home to apologise or because you need a roof

over your head?

You can sleep in the cellar.

I don't want to see hide no hair of you.

Siri, what's a hooker?

Not again.

I think I've pulled a bollock. I'll get the wheelbarrow.

Yeah. Come on then, Pucksford.

Is it a waltz or a tango? Just as long as you don't twerk.

Come on, out you go. All right, good night.

Good night. Good night. There goes Brother Bollock.

You happy with that?

Pleased with yourselves?

Yeah.

I mean, I thought we were doing the Highland Mary.

That looked like the curly-headed plough boy.

Which is what everyone at the Summer Fate is going to think, by the way.

Geoffrey.

Yes, Geoffrey. What's going on, man?

You know what I'm going to say, don't you?

Half a beat behind. Yes, half a beat behind.

And what's this?

What's this? Get your hands up!

I don't know what you're smirking at, Christian.

There's absolutely nothing funny about this. You know what? You're right.

This is way beyond its sell-by date. We need to evolve, move with the times,

dance our way into the 21st century.

No, no, no, no. This is about preserving age-old traditions, Paxman. Just hear me

out on this one.

What the hell was that?

Disco Morris.

Disco Morris?

You know, there are generations of Morris men turning in their graves right

now. Well, at least they're turning in time, unlike you lot.

Ah, Michael, fancy cutting a rug?

No, you're all right.

You know what Thomas Beecham said, don't you?

Try everything in life once, except incest and Morris dancing.

Yeah, it's good to know, Dad.

Toast burning.

Oh.

Campaign for Real L have just posted a review of the pub.

Go on, I'm a big boy. I can take criticism as long as it's constructive.

The drover's arms is overseen by Michael Harley.

A piss-poor publican whose demeanour is as bitter as the swill he serves.

Go on.

Do you mind lowering that spoon?

Upon entering the drovers, one is immediately struck by the dim lighting,

the tired decor and palpable cloud of hostility emanating from the owner

himself.

And if Michael Harley doesn't flatten you, the food and beer definitely will.

I'm going to sue those bastards for defamation.

Who?

Who do you think?

Lance Armstrong and Bradley bloody Wiggins?

We can't afford to buy beer. We need to brew it.

What are you talking about?

Putting the pub back on the map.

The only way we're going to do that is if we brew something unique.

And who's going to drink it?

We can make a name for ourselves. It gives the pub a new identity and, you

know, more people will come.

Cal. It takes years to learn how to craft a half-decent ale.

Well, luckily for us, we've got 50 years of knowledge right here.

Look. All your granddad's notes.

Diagrams, brewing recipes written down in one very large book.

Look, we're not kids anymore.

And a few pints of home brew ain't going to put us back in the black.

We could produce 600 litres a time. It's 80% profit.

It's only profitable if you've got customers, and they're in short supply.

You do know there's a pub directly opposite that's packed out day and

night? Yeah, a pub that's just won camera's Best British Beer Awards two

years on the trot.

What?

See you Thursday for Bellring.

Nice day for it.

Sun certainly brought the birds out.

Seen any rare species?

Just ticked off a spectacular redhead.

Woodpecker or finch? She's up for anything, mate.

Cal, he's not a twitcher. Oh, my God, Cal.

I haven't seen you here.

If I'd have known, I'd have put you on the group chat.

No, no, no, no. It's not what it looks like.

Oh, shit.

Grandpa? Yeah?

What's thugging?

Ah, hello, Nick.

Hi, Jim.

Yeah.

Well, no arm down, lads. A little bit weird.

It wasn't weird.

It was...

It was a misunderstanding.

Yeah. Yeah, of course it was. Yeah.

Well, there you go.

Cheers, Jim. Cheers.

What are

you

doing with all that?

I'm not baking a cake, am I?

Can you give me your hand?

Nah, you're all right.

Nice bin bag.

It's a poncho.

Hey, look.

Gerard said he couldn't believe it when he waltzed into the farm shop with his

list. Two cocksure by half.

Well, I've heard he's dug out his grandfather's old microbrewery and wants

to have a go himself.

Maybe they'll surprise us all.

He may have been bequeathed his grandfather's brewing kit. It doesn't

mean he's inherited his knowledge or palate.

He's a cider man at best. That's a no blow.

What are you doing?

What humans have been doing for thousands of years.

Making water more interesting.

There's nothing so lonesome, morbid or drear, than to stand in the bar of a pub

with no beer.

So it's lonesome away from your kindred and all, by the campfire at night,

where the wilding goes call.

But there's nothing so lonesome, morbid or drear, than to stand in the bar

of that pub with no beer.

Hey. What are you doing?

Uh, writing.

Shopping list?

Song lyrics.

I hope it's better than the second album of yours.

You listen?

Yeah.

If it wasn't you.

Yeah.

Go to the second album.

Is that why you came back?

Thought you'd try your hand at brewing beer.

They're all talking about it, you know.

You managed to perplex some people and ruffle a few feathers.

Yeah? Your boyfriend's scared of a little bit of healthy competition?

Don't say boyfriend.

Why? Because I'm too old to have one and he's too old to be one.

So how about silver spooner?

Or actually, you know what, my favorite, just a good old-fashioned posh twat.

Abs, come on, that's the guy that dobbed us into your mum about our very good

fake IDs.

He's changed.

So have I.

I came back to see you after my first tour.

I just wanted to apologise.

But you'd moved in with James Bradley.

What did you expect me to do?

Sit around pining for you whilst you sung love songs about other women?

Every song was about you.

Seriously?

You idiot.

She's crazy like a fool.

I hope daddy calls.

I'm crazy like a fool.

Sorry, sorry, my bad.

Ow!

Paxman, this is a shambles.

We need to go back to what we know.

Look, I know the timing was a little off, but we're not changing horses mid

-stream. No, that is exactly what we're doing. Next practice, we're going back

to the Highland Mary.

Bloody disco Morris.

Jake. Jakey.

You all right, mate?

No, I think I've got concussion.

How much are they in for, just?

About two and a half.

Is it really?

All right, let's deal with this and get home. Oh, shit.

Lads!

Oh, no, I'm sodding.

No, absolutely no sodding way.

Get off it! Get going!

Don't embarrass yourself, mate.

No! You already took the TVs.

You're not getting my music.

Oh, yeah?

You and whose army?

This one.

Leave that where it is, or we'll shove these sticks where the sun don't shine.

And I don't mean Bristol.

You follow me like a deck chair.

You see where you want to put that stick.

I've got to sit down and drive home, mate. I call in head office. You can.

Thanks for that, lads.

Ordinarily, I'd offer you a pint on the house, but I've got no draft.

I've got bottles and I've got spirits.

All Benalin.

Well, if anyone's feeling brave enough, I could do with an opinion on this.

What is it?

It's a traditional single-infusion mash style with double-dried East Kent Golden

Cops in a blend of Irish malt.

I'll take my chances.

You ensure?

Crikey, that'll put a haze on your chest.

Do you want to try it, Dad?

No, I haven't got a thirst.

I'll give it a go.

Here you are.

Cheers. Cheers.

Oh.

That should be served in a sherry glass.

Oh, come on.

Remember what Grandad used to say.

It ain't fair to judge a pie until you've sunk a few. All right, line them

up. All right.

I've got it!

Morning, gorgeous.

How you feeling?

There's something Keith Richards coughed up.

Sorry, mate.

It was a mistake.

It was a toxin, is what it was.

Look, I blame Grandad's handwriting.

Must have been a three, not an eight.

Eight what?

Pounds of sugar.

You put eight pounds of sugar?

Into a brew?

That could be classed as attempted murder.

But surely you were tasting it as you went along.

Oh, no.

Oh, don't tell me you're teetotal.

Oh, Cal.

How are you supposed to brew a beer if you can't even drink one?

All right, look.

I screwed up. I did.

But I think I'm onto something special this time.

A mild ale Grandad was working on before he passed away.

A lifetime's work channelled into one winning beer he never got the chance to

brew. I mean, we do this right, not only could we start turning a profit, but we

could enter Canberra's South West regional tastings with it. Please, stop

talking. No.

Qualifying rounds are being held here in the village at the Faye.

Then the finals are going to be in London in August.

And, check this...

The winners of the 2010 Best Bitter category were a microbrewery, just like

us. They went on to sell out to Budweiser and hit pay dirt.

I mean, brewing's in our blood, Jake.

If Pritchard can do it, why can't we?

There's no reason you can't write another hit song.

Hello?

Yeah.

I'm on my way.

Romy's been suspended from school for throwing a drink at another pupil.

Romy.

What?

You're supposed to be doing science homework.

Brewing is a science.

Don't get smart with me.

I'm not.

It's what Uncle Carl said.

She's reading, mate.

Glass half full and all that.

Oh, for God's sake, Dad, you swore blind you'd been in contact with the mortgage

company. Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Well, forgetting a debt doesn't mean it forgets you.

All right, you find me a money tree, I'll go and shake it.

Dad, it says here that we've got 14 days to find 10 grand or they're going to

start repossession proceedings.

Something will turn up, it always does.

So I don't really know how to say this without sounding like a 16 year old

again, but I wrote this song for you I hope you like it

Picking

out the broken pieces like a shell left on the beach somehow

Sunsets on my own reflection, just my shadow for protection

now.

I took the right and made it wrong.

I never left when I was gone.

A few is just a few if I'm not there with you.

If I'm not there with you The sea

is just the sea If you're not there with me If you're not

there with me When you had what we had, tell me how do you move

on?

When you had what we had, tell me how do you move on?

I'll give you three grand for it. Five. Four.

I want a signature for Providence.

Helps with any future sale.

But I'm sending it to you.

It's a business, mate.

Not a museum.

I'm sorry, gorgeous.

What's that?

My investment into our future.

I thought you said you were skint. I saw my guitar.

There you go.

Told you something would turn up.

Oh, that's just brilliant, that is.

No, before you couldn't even say his name, now you're in his pocket. Money's

money, Jake.

Well, well done, Cal.

You know, you've got a real talent for making everything about you. No, this is

about making money.

And in six weeks' time, we'll have another 180 litres of ale to sell. Yeah,

only if it's drinkable.

And judging by the last pint you brewed, I'm not holding out much hope. No one

made you sink seven of them.

The bottom line is we've got mortgage arrears coming out of our arse, bloody

council tax, heating, electricity, water, the list goes on and on. I am

just trying to help.

Help?

We've needed your help for years.

And you wait until you've run out of money and become completely bloody

useless to turn up on your white horse.

No, I'm sorry, Carol. Look, no one is more proud of you than me.

But while you've been swanning about, being a rock star, I've been here,

trying to hold everything together.

And what have I got to show for it?

You've got Romy.

Yeah, well... This is still not enough.

Well, if you get any bright ideas, be my guest.

This is Rural FM, where sheep jive and tractors vibe.

Dave the Rape Jenkins here with a birch-breed bombshell.

Tonight, the drover's aunt, somehow still open for trade, is hosting a pop

comeback for local one-hit wonder Cal Harley.

Remember him? Me neither.

But for those who do, head on down and have a Bacardi Breezer or two.

I don't believe it.

What? It's the Trovers. They're on fire.

They've got bloody customers.

Customers?

That's a sight I never thought I'd see.

You've got plenty of wine, ladies.

Now that's... Jake. What?

You said come up with a bright idea.

Yeah.

That's what it's like to have adoring fans.

They look intense.

They look about one Bacardi breeze away from dropping their knickers.

Don't blame her.

I may have been through the change, but I'd still give him mine. Mum!

Well, I'm just saying what we're all thinking.

Oi,

where's he going?

I don't know.

I don't look as desperate as that, do I, Mum?

Yeah.

Cal? Cal?

Are you okay?

Cal,

what's going on?

What's happening?

Are you back on it again?

Well, what's going on?

I'm having a panic attack.

Well, come on. This is no time to get stage fright. We're taking more money in

there tonight than we have all year.

Just take some deep breaths.

He can breathe later, right now. He needs to get back in there.

You know, mix it up, put on a show. I can't, Nick.

I'm not that person anymore, mate.

Well, just pretend.

I'm not well, Dad.

What do you mean?

I was sectioned.

I'd been in a bad way for a while.

And then when I heard Mum had died, I just unravelled.

I hated myself so much, I had to make it stop.

Go on.

I tried to kill myself.

Bloody hell, mate.

I just wanted to understand.

Everything.

Why didn't you call us?

I was ashamed.

You stupid bastard.

You stupid, stupid bastard.

I'm sorry that I was a coward.

No, you're not.

Even the day goes by when I don't think about doing the same thing.

The only thing that stops me is the mess I'd leave behind.

You ain't no coward.

You're my boy.

He looks... broken.

That's what drinking drugs does.

He had a nervous breakdown, Ed.

Since when did you care?

Well, no matter what you think about him, you have to agree that what's

happened to that family is tragic.

Tragedies happen in families all the time.

I've lost my parents.

Shit happens.

I kept this for you.

It was a beautiful service.

Yeah, it was.

Exactly how Mum wanted it.

All the words, all the readings, all the songs.

Thanks, Dad. Yes.

What's this?

Happy hour.

It was a lot happier before you came in.

What do you want?

I want to buy the pub.

It's not for sale.

Slow down, Dad. Let's hear what he's got to say.

We all know this is a dying trade without proper financial backing.

He's not wrong.

Will you keep out of this?

But 50 places like this close down every month. Luckily for you, there's space in

my portfolio for the drovers at a fair price.

We don't need your money.

Oh, yeah, I heard.

You're going to try and brew your way out of this.

You know, creating a beer isn't like writing a cheesy pop song.

It took my family 140 years to perfect the perfect pint. Listen, you won a

couple of prizes.

The way I see it, you put silk on a goat, it's still a goat.

Is it?

If you think you can do better, why don't you step up and be judged?

Well, that's exactly what we are going to do, Edward.

So we'll see you at the Camera Regional Tastings. How do you like that?

Looks like you're not the only one who flew over the cuckoo's nest. Say that

again. Leave it.

You've broken my nose.

No, mate.

Your mouth did that.

Well? They charged me with ABH.

Bailed me till the end of the month.

Sorry, lads. Best I could do.

But, uh... You might want to calm things down a little bit, yeah?

Bit of talking here.

Violent assault there.

People are gonna talk, innit?

We weren't talking.

No. Of course you weren't. No.

Anyway, might let you go, lads.

Cheers, Jim.

We weren't.

Didn't say you were.

You know, you've really got to try and get your temper under control, Dad.

Nothing wrong with my temper.

Where are you going, you prick?

You're the prick. Oh yeah, that's good coming from a man dressed like a f***ing

jelly baby.

That's not temper.

That's just being rude.

Come on, let's go home and get started.

On what?

On the brew.

I'm not having that bastard win another competition and rub our noses in it.

Come on, Dad.

Look what I've found.

Going through your mother's things.

What the hell is that?

Granddad's brew stick.

It's for stirring the wort with.

It adds oxygen, kickstarts the fungal yeast cells, enhancing the flavours.

Dad, this is going to take the beer to a whole new level.

Sorry? Have you two gone mental? We need to go to Pritchard, beg him to drop the

charges, and pray that he'll still buy this pub.

We've got nothing to sell, Jake.

We'll be lucky if we leave this place with the fixtures and fittings.

Now, look, we've got enough money to tide us over until the camera tastings.

If that goes well and we qualify for the finals, then we could easily attract

some investment, like Cal said.

Dad, Cal's beer wasn't fit for human consumption.

Well, then we learn from his mistakes until we get it right.

Your grandfather always used to say that beer is 90% water and 10% magic.

Ooh, abracadabra.

Can't believe it has come to this.

Saturday night, and we're watching a drunk geriatric walk aimlessly around in

circles.

Standard night out with Paxman.

But why can't we just use tap water like everyone else?

Because Great Grandad Ted said... It doesn't make sense to brew a living

beer, dead water.

Yeah. That's right.

I mean, the chemical treatment process kills off all the bad stuff, but also

zaps the minerals and nutrients.

Oh, me hands are twitching. It's because you haven't had a drink yet.

The rod does not lie. Oh, there we go. Yeah, this is where we dig, just here.

All right, well, if you can't beat them, you might as well join them.

Yeah.

Right there.

I think we're going to need something sturdier than that, don't you?

Yeah.

Keep it coming, Harry. That's the way.

Keep it coming.

Keep it coming. That's the way.

Keep it coming, Harry.

Whoa there.

What was that?

I've got a good idea.

You need a new stick, mate.

If the rains were taxed, you lot would get a rebate.

You just cut the bloody electrics.

Oh, sorry.

We were looking for the old spring.

Well, why didn't you say?

Mum's house has always been on well water.

Brewing beer takes time.

Do me a favour. Make sure you measure that sugar properly this time.

My body can't handle another five-day hangover.

I don't get it. Why are we going to all the trouble of finding pure spring water

filtered through local limestone and then you just go and dump a load of old

imported processed sugar in it? Well, the yeast has got to feed off something.

You could use Dad's honey.

Actually, that's a good idea.

That's what the monks used to do with their mead.

I mean, we'd have to ask their permission.

What, the monks?

The bees.

Now remember, these are sensitive creatures.

So if they get upset or feel offended, the hive will swarm and vanish.

So keep your distance.

And under no circumstances swear or blaspheme.

That's half my vocabulary, Glenn.

Hi, queen bee.

Hello, worker bees.

It's me, Jake.

Now, I'm here to ask permission to use your precious honey for our family ale.

Your gift to the world is pollinating flowers.

Ours is pollinating people.

They're humming.

That's a good sign.

Oh, good. Nice.

Jesus Christ, the bee just bit me.

Please tell me you did not just kill it. I hope I bloody did. It bit me.

Shit, there's one on your shoulder.

I feel it. There's one on your shoulder.

Just calm down. That bloody hurt.

Can everyone please stop swearing?

That's still swearing. Well, since when were bees bilingual?

I can feel it. Get it out of there. It's on me.

All right, calm down.

They're feeling your energy.

Mother buzzer.

Oh, bollocks.

Nobody swarming!

Nice amber hue.

Yeah.

Aroma ain't bad either.

Yeah, I'm getting the earthiness, the citrus.

What about the taste?

Oh, yeah.

That holds up nicely, that.

Yeah, the sweetness of the honey's coming through.

Pear drop ester notes and a little hint of

butterscotch.

Get your lips around that.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Oh, that's lovely, that is.

I'll tell you what.

That is a pint your granddad would be proud of.

Shit, Abby.

Come on, you.

Let's go and see if Miss Stockton will let you back in school.

That's very nice of her. Another little drop of that.

You fill her up, Dad.

I've got some good news. Now that you've had your assessment, they are going to

let you back to school.

Awesome!

But there are some ground rules.

You have to take your meds, OK?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And please, for me, try to hand your homework in on time.

Yeah. Finished, OK?

You can't just stop in the middle of a sentence. You have to reach a

conclusion.

Yeah, deal.

And Romy?

No cutting Matilda's hair.

I hear you put Romy to work too.

Yeah.

She's basically the boss now.

We're all just working for her.

Giving her something fun to focus on has clearly helped.

It's helped me too.

All of us, I think.

I remember the first time I walked in here.

Yeah, a lot of firsts happen in this place.

First gig.

First dance.

First pint. First pint.

Grandad's sauce is special.

The longest day turned into the longest night of my life.

Oh, I remember.

One pint in and you asked me to be your boyfriend.

You asked me?

No. No, that was definitely you.

Must have been the beer talking.

Must have been.

Anyway, if you hadn't asked, I would have done so.

Doesn't matter either way.

Better get going.

I listened to your song.

It was beautiful.

G is I.

G is S.

G is C.

G is O.

Right, this is going on TikTok.

D-I-S-C-O D-I-S-C-O

I love a man in uniform.

You love anything with a pulse.

D-I-S-C-O

Let's hope their beer is better than their dancing.

Oh, come on, Ed. It's just a bit of fun.

Fun will be seeing that thug locked up in prison.

D-I-S-C-O D-I-S-C-O

D-I-S-C-O

Good old local brewers and real ale enthusiasts, please make their way to

the main tent for Canberra's regional tastings.

Here they come.

Ah, the Drovers.

Worst pub in Britain.

Competing for the best beer.

You pride yourselves as real ale enthusiasts.

Well, this is as real as it gets.

brewed on the drover's arms premises using locally sourced natural

ingredients and 100% homemade.

Like the cottage pie? This one's not from the freezer.

This one's from the heart.

So which of you is the brewer? It's a family affair.

And what's the beer called?

Drover's. Well let's hope the taste is more inspired than the name.

They look well out of their depth.

Like the Harleys would be out of their depth in a drip tray.

Thank you.

We wish you the best of luck.

Hey.

Nice, isn't it?

Afternoon, ladies.

What's passed your lips today?

That's a bit forward, Will. I've told you, Dawn, I'm not interested. It's your

mum I'm after.

Well... You should try the Drover's new brew.

Slips down like a homesick mole.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. We have sipped, supped and savoured some

absolutely barnstorming beers today.

So let's hop to it and get to the first category, Best Bitter.

Representing the South West in the national final for the third year

running, with their latest offering Hoppy Go Lucky, is our local legends,

Pritchard's Brewery.

And representing the South West in the special bitter category,

it is Hopp-tomistic.

Moving on now to the category of mild, but by no means meek, representing the

South West in this year's national final at their first attempt, I can't quite

believe I'm saying this, but credit where credit's due, brewed right here in

this very village at the Drover's Arms Brewery, it is Drover's!

We look forward to seeing all the winners at the national final in London.

How are you doing?

Congratulations. Hey,

everybody. I guess we see you in the big smoke.

I see you in the back of a prison van, more like.

Oh, are you hoping to join your father? Maybe you could get a family room.

Ed, that's enough.

I don't know why you're defending the competition. They're not competition.

You're all in different categories. You're all winners.

I'm getting a bit sick of this.

Sorry.

Paxman? Yeah?

Can you help me with my homework, please?

I thought you'd been sacked from school.

No. They let me back in.

What's the question?

Well, we're working on Romeo and Juliet.

Love or hate.

Which is stronger.

Hmm. Family feud versus young love.

How young?

Well, Juliet was 13.

Do you not think she's a bit young for all that love stuff?

Yeah.

First you're too young, next thing you know, you're too bloody old.

When the time comes, Romy, don't fanny about.

That's my advice.

We should get going, Dad.

Yeah, I know. Just getting in a bit of a pickle with this. Your mum used to do my

tie. I get this far and then it all goes real as a cotton.

Okay.

Let's have a go.

You still love Abby, don't you?

I never stopped, Dad.

I'm not good enough for her.

No, of course you are.

I know you've been to hell and back, mate, but you're a better man for it.

What have you done there? I look like a bloody teddy boy.

You look great.

Come on.

Will the accused please

stand?

Michael Harley, you've been found guilty of assault.

occasioning actual bodily harm.

We have taken into account your early guilty plea. It is acknowledged by the

court.

Sadly, the level of violent intent you showed cannot be ignored.

I therefore sentence you to six months in prison.

Suspended for two years.

How old were you when you first met Nana?

I was 25.

Cost me eight quid to get into Glastonbury that year.

That was the best money I ever spent.

Van Morrison was top of the bill.

But the real headline act was your grandmother.

On the way back, me and a few mates, we stopped off here to watch the sunrise.

But I saw something much more beautiful.

Your Nana.

My Sarah.

She was right there singing and dancing with a bunch of her friends.

After a while, we got talking.

We didn't stop for 40 years.

Look at that view, though.

That doesn't change.

Looks like time stood still.

It's just a shame that life couldn't, isn't it?

Can you hold that, love?

Love you, Mum.

You fly free, my songbird.

Mum,

not everyone in this village is having an affair.

There's more to it than meets the eye. How about that Mary?

Harry? Goes to church, church goer. Less church, more goer if you ask me. Harry!

Who put those finger buffets she provides for the cricket club?

Why is the barrel hatch open?

Bastards. Here, drink some water.

Aye, it's gotcha.

Really? Yeah, it's gotcha.

It's all destroyed.

Mashed tan.

Fermenter.

Done a lot.

The bread?

Drex.

Grandpa!

Dad? Dad! Hey, hey, hey!

Jake, call an ambulance. It'll take too long.

Grandpa!

It's all right, Roams. Roams!

I need an access code for a defib machine, please.

0-6.

Sweetheart, I need you to get back for me, okay?

We've got an ambulance on the way, okay?

Everything will be okay, I promise.

Just to let you know, the surgeon's doing an emergency coronary angioplasty

to improve the blood supply to his heart.

If his condition stabilises, she'll insert a stent.

If?

He's receiving the best medical care.

I'll keep you informed of any developments.

Thank you.

Hello? Hey, Cal, it's Dawn. Dawn Higgins.

Hey.

I saw Harry coming out the back of the drovers earlier and I just... He looked

well shifty. What?

I just thought you should know.

Kale?

Kale!

If my dad dies, you've got blood on your hands. I don't know what you're talking

about, mate.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Get out of it, Wilf! All right.

When he saw the cellar had been vandalised, he had a heart attack.

That beer was all we had, and now he's fighting for his life, lying on an

operating table.

I'm sorry, Cabot. What's this got to do with me? Don't.

Someone saw you, Harry.

Sneaking out the back of the pub.

Is that true?

Why?

Can't still be jealous.

Tell me why I shouldn't press charges.

Cal. Tell me why I shouldn't destroy your life like you destroyed ours. Cal,

I've got a family. Tell me, Harry!

Pritchard paid me.

He's drunk.

He doesn't know what he's talking about.

You lying prick.

Tread very carefully, Harry.

I had nothing to do with this.

I give you my word.

See, the thing is, we all know what your word is worth.

And while a lot of things have changed around here since I've been gone, you,

you're just the same lying, cheating little rat you have always been.

Abby, I had nothing to do with it. Don't.

Come on.

Talk to me.

Just let me take you.

We're just starting to get to know him again.

Why do we always leave things until it's too late?

It's not.

I'm pleased to say your father's operation was a success.

We're now going to move him down to the critical care ward.

Thank you.

This song brings back a lot of memories.

Hey. Hey.

Which one are you looking at?

I remember that night.

Like it was yesterday.

God, I was so nervous.

I was a sucker for a guy with a guitar.

Probably shouldn't have sold mine then.

We look so young.

I've wasted so much time.

I don't want to waste anymore.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Uncle Cal, do you know... Oh.

Hello, miss.

Hi, Romy.

We're so in trouble.

I'll leave this just here. It's my homework.

One time.

It's love, by the way.

Not hate.

What is?

Romeo and Juliet.

Oh.

Don't fanny about...

That's the conclusion.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

All right.

Okay, thank you.

What'd they say?

It doesn't matter that we've qualified for the finals. They're not going to

give us a business loan for a new microbrewery.

What about a crowdfunding page?

People raise thousands that way.

We don't have enough time, miss.

Yeah.

We need to start brewing by the end of the week to even have a chance of

everything being ready on time.

Forget about the competition.

It's over.

We've run out of road.

The pub's not sustainable.

Right, let's do this.

Gather round.

God gave us two hands.

One to help ourselves.

The second to help others.

And we're here to help.

I'm truly sorry for what I did.

I want to help put things right.

So we've had a chat and the village...

We'd like to buy you a new brewing kit.

Richard was trying to persuade us to invest in a racehorse syndicate.

But we'd rather invest close to home.

There's £6,504 there.

I don't know what to say. This is... This is so generous. Thank you.

All of you.

But, um, you see, to get a brewing kit that's capable of producing the volume

that we need, you're looking at 15 grand.

Fifteen?

I'll make up the rest.

Pointless at gathering dust under me mattress.

Paxman, that's almost nine grand.

8,496, to be exact.

Why would you do that?

I'm Bart from every pub from mine head to mend it. Where else am I going to get

a bloody pint?

Hey,

Grandpa. Hello, sweetheart.

How are you feeling?

Much better. Ready to come home.

What the bloody hell have you come as?

Am I back on the morphine? We needed a compelling marketing story for the beer

that resonates with our family history.

What, that we're all barking mad?

That we're descendants of drovers.

Dad, every successful brand has a story.

And ours goes back 200 years.

So we're going to take the traditional route to market and show those camera

judges what we're all about.

Your mother would be so proud of you two, coming together like this.

That's it.

That's what we should rename the beer to.

I feel like a medieval Uber driver.

This outfit suits you, you know.

We look like extras from Poldark.

Are we going to have to pay congestion charge?

I don't know what the law is, but I don't think we can ride in the dark.

I feel like we should have left a bit earlier.

Yeah, we didn't really think this through, did we?

I hope these horses have got night vision, because I can't see a bloody

thing.

This must have been what it was like for our ancestors, hundreds of years ago.

Do you ever wish you were born back then?

I sometimes think the simpler life would have suited me better.

Now, you're forgetting the workhouses, debtors' prisons,

public hangings, potato famine. Right, apart from them.

The clap, that was rife.

Cholera.

Even a glass of water could have killed you.

They would have thrown me into bedlam before you could say happy pill.

Yeah, and I probably still would have ended up married to a lunatic.

Sorry about all that, man.

I can see how she could leave me.

I can't understand how she could leave Romy.

You're a great dad.

Yeah, she's just pleased her uncle cow, is it?

We all are.

Love you too.

I didn't say that.

Our drovers seem to be making quite a stir with the Real Ale community.

What's up, Instagram?

Here we are in the big smoke.

What the hell are they thinking?

They're saying they're following a traditional route to market.

Yeah.

They're getting loads of likes.

Oh, comments and shares.

It's the Real Ale Awards, not a fancy dress competition.

Keep the beer flowing.

Did you dislike that?

No, I mean...

Up, Bruce!

Hey! Drop his arms! Tag us!

Mmm!

Oh, God, we look good. Where's the bar?

to the 35th great british camera real ale awards today for the first time ever

two rival pubs from birchbury somerset the drover's arms and the george inn

will be competing against each other to be crowned champion beer of britain

award winner within a small village like yours i imagine rivalries run deep Is

this something of a grudge match?

One that goes all the way back to the Pitchfork Rebellion of 1685.

Yeah, Edward Pritchard's ancestors were loyal to the crown, but peasants like us

said, bollocks to the blue bloods. Yeah, and give it to them, the posh knobheads.

Yeah, yeah, and that's exactly what we're going to do again today.

Yeah!

Obviously, this competition means an awful lot to the good people of

Somerset. Back to you in the studio.

It's not just a competition.

Beer has played a crucial and underrated role in the propagation of our species.

In what way, Paxman?

By helping ugly people have sex since 32 BC.

Is this thing going faster?

No, you're a bit close, mate.

Where the hell are they? They were meant to be here an hour ago.

You've got maps on your phone. I don't know where we're going.

It's like a wardrobe on wheels.

Sorry, sorry.

Cheers, thank you.

How long we got?

Uh, 20 minutes.

No, it keeps going to voicemail.

They haven't posted for ages, either.

When they fail to win at a thing and the pub gets repossessed, I'm going to buy

it at auction and just leave it empty.

Why would you do that?

So when those turncoats get thirsty and come knocking at my door, I can tell

them all with great pleasure, they're barred.

Looking for signs for Olympia.

The horses know we're lost.

Yeah, we've gone the wrong way.

You've still no sign of the men? No, I checked the car park. Of course you did.

Better hurry up.

Judges are going to start tasting soon.

That is like a hug in a glass. That is rich. It's caramel notes. It's really,

um, arousing.

Yeah, that's what it is.

Excitement is mounting as we wait for the results of the champion British beer

of the year. I have alongside me the two-time Supreme Beer of Britain winner,

Edward Pritchard of Pritchard's Breweries. Do you think you can be the

first brewer to win the Triple Crown?

Let's just say I'm looking forward to making history.

Excuse me, you can't park a vehicle here.

Well, it's not a vehicle, mate.

It's a horse.

That is a masterclass in balance. The bitterness, the sweetness. It's like

walking a tightrope. There's a sense of danger. Yes, yes, yes. But there's also

a sense of safety in there, too. Like, if I fell, I know there's a bunch of

firemen waiting to catch me with a big trampoline.

My thought's exactly a massive trampoline.

Massive firemen.

Sorry. Sorry.

Trover's arms.

You're late.

What held you up?

Highwaymen. We got lost. We got really lost.

And then we woke up late this morning and the horses needed water and I was

just a little bit nervous.

Do you mind if I just... Oh, that's really nice there. Shut up.

Technically, you... Technically, you're disqualified.

We bend the rules for you, we have to bend them for everyone else.

Um, we know that your time is precious.

But no, we've come a long way, both emotionally and geographically, to brew

this for you.

And yeah, we might have fallen a bit flat.

But this beer hasn't.

It's good.

It's really bloody good.

You may be dressed like a pauper, but are you ready to live like one?

Cal may not be a millionaire, but at least he's not morally bankrupt.

Prat.

Mmm.

That is disappointing, Jeremy.

It's too immature.

I don't think it knows what it is yet.

Yeah, at the same time, it's too much. I like jam.

Don't want to be chased by wasps. Exactly. It's, um, it's... Shite. That's

what it is.

It's officially shite.

Good afternoon, everyone.

We're gathered today to acknowledge the very best in the British brewing world.

Yes, those wizards of the wort, the malt magicians who turn water into wonderment

and hops into happiness.

So, without further ado, this year's Champion Beer of Britain winners are...

In the golden category, Pinted Nodes...

In the Bitter category, Best Bitter, Hoppy Golucky.

Smudge.

Strong Bitter, Village Idiot, Barney Derry.

Speciality, Hopman of the Apocalypse, Bing and Foon.

Stout's Malt Fiction, Rompin' Even Rails.

And in the mild category...

Mother's Pride, Drivers' Arms Pro.

We

couldn't

have done this without you, mate.

Well, congratulations to all our winners and heartfelt sympathies to all our

losers. But there can only be one supreme champion today.

Our judges were unanimous in their voting.

Everyone agreed that the appearance, the aroma and the flavour of this beer were

truly unique.

So it is with great satisfaction to award this year's Supreme Champion Beer

of Britain Award

To the drover's arms for their mild ill mother's pride That

was

like work First of all, we need to thank the drover's army

You guys you you know what you did

and It won't be forgotten.

Secondly, every art form needs a source of inspiration and brewing is no

different.

Mother's pride is bold, authentic, daring and full of heart.

Our mum was all of those things and that is why we're dedicating this and our

beer to her.

We're just sorry that she couldn't be here to sink a pint with us today.

There is no conspiracy, Edward. The fact is Hoppy Go Lucky was not as good as

your previous offering. Maybe you should focus on making beer rather than making

history. You're going to regret this.

Not as much as you.

You are barred from these awards.

Oh, please.

Pritchard's Brewery is the awards.

Come on, let's go.

Oh, sod off, you twat, and go and brew some cider.

Everyone, this is David Schumer.

Congratulations.

He's a leading craft beer investor.

I can see you're talented and passionate about brewing.

You've done a great job on social media building your brand.

My expertise is financial.

I run profitable and successful breweries, and I'd like to do that with

you. So how much do you offer?

It would be a considerable investment to reach a much wider consumer base.

I mean, that sounds great, but, um... Well, this is a community beer.

Brewed in the village.

Owned by the village.

So I have to run it past our partners first?

Sure. When can I meet them?

Uh... Well, how about now?

Cheers!

Pick up what you can.

Stay close to me and try to understand.

It won't be like this forever.

We'll get through this together.

Gotta let go, gotta move on, get right out of here.

So long that time's come to face our fail.

Searching for the shining light.

searching for the shiny

We can hold it together.

We can hold it as one.

Shoulder to shoulder under the same sun.

In a quiet.

revolution there's an unbroken light

calling us to the silence and it guides

us through the night when hope is a memory

and the weight is hard to bear so long

as you're with me everybody we can share

We can hold it together We can hold it as one

Shoulder to shoulder under the same sun

We can hold it together

We can hold it as one

Shoulder to shoulder under the same sun

honesty is stripped away but the powers that be will

come together in a hardship let kinder hearts take the

lead a simple spark in the shadows lights up

the darkest sky let your hand reach out to me my darling

and together

We will rise.

We can hold it together.

We can hold it as one.

Shoulder to shoulder under the same sun.

Shoulder to shoulder under the same sun.

We can hold it together.

We can hold it as one.

Shoulder to shoulder under the same sun.

We can call it as one.