Original subtitles

(alarm clock ringing)

(rock music)

♫ I'm amazed at the things that you say

♫ I've heard it all before just another day

♫ January February all the same

♫ March April May's comin' back again

♫ Oh why

♫ 'Cuz it's the worst year of my life again

♫ It's looped around and pulled me back in

♫ Yesterday has come again Oh No

♫ Yeah yeah yeah

♫ The worst year of my life again

(Christmas music) - What is that?

- That is Mum.

(party horn blows)

- Wake up boys!

It's Christmas!

(Mum blows party horn)

- Did I forget to mention Si

that Mum is really into Christmas?

- You don't say?

- No, it's like the most important day of the year for her.

She makes the roast and then we play our games

and then we set up for the family photo.

She likes to drag it out for the whole day.

- I know but the whole day?

I thought we're still going to Nicola's beach party right?

That's all that anyone will be talking about all summer.

That's the reason I never went back to England.

- I thought it was because you were afraid of flying?

- No.

- Course we're going to Nicola's.

It's my last chance to impress her.

- And my last chance to see you humiliate yourself.

- Shut up!

Anyway we'll make it.

I've got it all figured out.

I'm gonna make sure Mum's Christmas

goes by a lot faster than she expected.

(Party horn blows) - I'm up!

- Prezzie time!

(wrapping paper rattles)

- So how are you Auntie Ethel?

- It died.

Cat got it.

- Deaf as a post.

- Well, what do ya think?

- Uh it's interesting.

It's a shirt with my name on it.

- I knew you'd love it!

Why don't you put the rest of it on?

- Uh later maybe.

- Well that's all of the presents opened in five minutes.

I still don't know why you wanted to make it a race Alex.

- I won though right?

Is there a prize?

- I know.

Maybe I should start putting lunch on hmm?

I should have it ready by about three.

- Actually Mum there's no need.

(bells jingle)

- Booking us into a seaside restaurant for lunch

is a lovely thought Alex.

- You're welcome.

My treat to the family.

- Yes it was very, very sweet.

Only I wish you'd said.

I mean you knew about the turkey I bought.

- Freezer.

- The ham?

- Freezer.

- The salad?

- Freezer.

And it's only 364 days until Christmas

so we're prepared.

- Well the pavlova won't keep.

- We can bring it with us.

Eat it afterwards 'cuz we only got the table 'til 12.

- 'Til 12?

- Yeah early bird seating before the food goes.

- Si go and get the pav.

- Oh I'll.

- No no no no I'll lock up.

Go get in the car.

Tell Dad to start the car.

Go go go go go.

- Where are we going?

- To a restaurant.

- Cricket oh that will be lovely.

Your mother always loved a game of Christmas cricket

when she was a little girl.

Made her day it did.

Played until her arms were tired.

- Lunch over by 12 and a ride the beach.

You are a genius Rudolph.

Do you never take a day off from that?

- Season's greetings.

- Merry Christmas Maddie.

Your parents still doing their yearly street theatre thing?

- They're banned from three suburbs now.

- So you wanna come to lunch with us?

(door bangs)

(door bangs)

(door bangs)

- Look there's Nicola!

- What! (zing)

- [Maddie] Must be off to a barbecue.

(girls laugh)

- That might have been embarrassing.

At least she didn't know who I was.

- I like your t-shirt Alex.

- Oh!

(Maddie giggles)

- What's so funny?

- Pavlova.

Isn't that such a silly looking dessert.

Isn't it?

Do you like pavlova Auntie Ethel?

- I saw one on holiday safari in Kenya.

1976, great big tusks and head.

- Alex I think maybe we've come too far.

There doesn't seem to be any more restaurants along here.

- Here we are.

- The Sandwich Shack.

Alex I don'tknow that

- Come on come on!

I just hope it's not too crowded.

(electric banjo)

- Well lucky they could squeeze us in.

- Happy Christmas, Happy Christmas, Happy Christmas.

- Uh no need.

We'll all have the Christmas turkey.

- Turkey!

They do turkey?

- Of course they do.

It's Christmas.

We'll have seven turkeys please.

And could you please bring the pavlova out

as soon as we're done?

- I live to serve.

- Now that's good isn't it?

A nice turkey lunch.

I always love cooking my family

a nice roast on Christmas Day.

But of course this is really nice too Alex.

Thank you!

Hey I know what we can do while we wait.

We can pick our teams for the games marathon this afternoon.

Huh?

We always play board games on Christmas afternoon.

It's quality family time.

One year we played for so long we didn't have lunch

until dinnertime.

- Yeah it was brilliant.

Why wait 'til then when we can do a quiz now.

- Oh well Alex it's not really quite the same.

- Of course it is.

It'll be great.

Auntie Ethel you're up for a quick round

of the 60 second quiz aren't you?

- The doctor gave me some cream for it.

Still itches when it rains.

- There you go.

Everyone's on board.

What brings the family and friends closer together

than a nice Christmas quiz.

(the group argues)

(Mum bangs table)

Maddie what are the scores?

- Ah sorry I was doodling.

I was really hoping I would get a nice pet for Christmas.

I'd love a pet.

I'll call him Chester.

- Compliments of the season.

- What's this?

- Your turkey sandwiches.

- Turkey sandwiches?

- Enjoy!

- Uh it's a traditional turkey sandwich.

It's very Christmasey.

Come on Mum, Dad get into it.

How about you Samantha?

Ah!

- No no nobody stop eating.

It's alright I've got it.

- Ah Alex!

- Hey mind your antlers.

(gasping) - She's choking.

Does anyone know the heimlich manoeuvre?

- I'll give it a go.

(coughing)

- Oh Alex are you alright?

Oh I hope that doesn't bruise.

- Doesn't bruise?

I nearly died.

- I know but we've got the family photo this afternoon.

- Actually I have another surprise.

I thought that we could take the photo here?

- Well Alex the family photo is really important to me.

Look I know you two are getting older

and I know that there will be a time

where you won't want to stand posing for silly photos

with your Mum and Dad

but until then I really enjoy it.

And I think it needs a proper festive background.

So if you don't mind I'd like to go home

and do it in front of a tree.

(bell rings)

- Merry Christmas.

- This is great.

A real festive scene.

Remember when we used to sit on Santa's lap?

- Oh yes.

- In fact Sam, why don't I sit in Santa's lap.

Everybody say cheese!

- [All] Cheese!

(chair cracks)

- Oh!

- It's good.

One for the album.

- [Mum] Oh no my pavlova!

- [Santa] My beard!

- Oy can't go in there.

- [Santa] Give me back my beard!

- Can I please just have five minutes?

- No get out you clown.

(splash)

- [Manager] My fish!

- Don't worry I'll get it.

(sparks sizzle)

- [Nicola] Alex?

- Uh hey Nicola!

How's it going?

- You are not coming to my party like that.

- Party?

What party?

Oh, I see.

- Mum it's not what it looks like.

- No um, that's no that's fine Alex.

I'm just gonna wash my hands.

- Mum wait.

- Give me that.

- It's a shame about the pavlova.

- I know.

I was there last year.

They had the world's smallest accordion.

If anything it was too small.

(alarm clock beeps) - What on earth is that?

- That's my alarm.

I set it an hour early.

- Why?

- Because it's Christmas!

Get in the Christmas spirit.

- Okay we are still going

to Nicola's beach barbie though right?

I mean that's all that anyone will be talking about.

- For once Simon I'm gonna use Olympia

to fix something really important

and give my Mum the best Christmas ever.

Get up, get up, get up, get up!

- I'm up.

- How's that budgie of yours Auntie Ethel?

- I know dear.

There's never anywhere to park now.

I just catch the bus.

- Deaf as a post.

- Where's Alex?

Alex, come on!

- It's prezzie time!

Slow down there Bruno it's not a race.

I love it.

I can't wait to put the other things on.

- Oh I knew you'd love it.

Ah, well that's all the presents opened

and it only took us

- An hour.

It took an hour.

- You can't rush Christmas, can you not?

- Oh not.

Well I suppose I'd better get started on lunch

if I want it to be ready by - Stop!

No need.

This year the men will take care of Christmas lunch.

Come on!

(pan slams)

- Are you sure there isn't a bigger oven in here somewhere?

- Maybe we should just do some sandwiches.

- Sandwiches at Christmas?

- Well your Mum was gonna do it.

There must be a way.

- No no no don't get Mum.

It's alright.

Remember that this is my present to her

and I want her Christmas to be special.

And that includes lunch.

- Maybe we should just eat out.

You know maybe there's a barbecue or something.

I don't know maybe near a beach

or something. - Brilliant!

You're a genius!

- Am I?

- All is in hand Mum.

We'll be eating Christmas lunch before you know it.

- You know that's not what I meant.

- I know what we can do while we wait.

We can start our games marathon.

Let's play this one.

Brainiac quiz and it's still in it's wrapper.

- Oh no no no no no.

- Alex!

- Quizzes just cause arguments.

Trust me.

We'd be much better off with a nice game of street cricket.

Huh?

- Ah!

- Think of us out in the open Christmas air.

Proper family time.

What do you say?

Christmas cricket go go go go go.

It's working mate.

Mum's having the best Christmas ever!

- Mmm, what?

- What's up with him?

- He's just fed up because we're missing Nicola's barbecue.

- I'm surprised you're not.

- Giving Mum the perfect Christmas is a lot more important

than impressing some hot girl.

- Especially since you ruined it last time

- Alright Mads.

- impressing some hot girl.

- Yes okay thank you.

But the point is I've learned from my mistakes yeah?

Now we're gonna play cricket.

Do you want to umpire?

- Okay.

- Apparently Mum used to play when she was a little girl

and she used to play until her arms got tired.

(door slams)

If anything brings the family closer

it'll be a nice game of Christmas cricket.

- Just not cricket.

- Miranda has always made it six and out.

- It's not even your turn to bowl.

- Why you never let me bat.

- You're making up rules as you go along.

- You'll all sit up with Auntie Ethel.

And I can make up any rules that I want.

- Maddie Maddie Maddie what are the scores?

- Chester right?

- Chester.

- Maybe we should just go back inside.

- No no no we're having family time.

No more arguing alright.

We'll just start again.

And I'll get the ball.

- Check this out Sam.

Back home I was chipper for the England squad.

Never missed a ball and.

(thud)

- Ow!

- Aw come on chin face.

That better not bruise.

I don't want you to ruin Mum's photo.

- You alright Sam?

- Don't worry Mum I can't see a bruise.

Alright you bowl I'll bat.

- Alright, bowling was always more my thing.

- Oh just knick off!

- Don't go it's family time.

Sam!

Mum.

- No way Mrs. King.

Look at me.

- Shot!

(clang)

(gas whistling)

- How many points was that?

- Not in the wild no.

Saw one at the zoo once though.

Great big hairy shoulders.

- Got it right here.

- Oh come on.

Help me find the ball.

Be back in a sec Mum.

It's gotta be here somewhere.

- Ouch!

No it's just a rock.

Don't take it out on me.

You're the one who had to show off

by whacking the stupid ball so hard.

I knew I shouldn't have given you such an easy bowl.

Now when we find it again

I'm going to power blast you off the field.

Like boom. (Boom)

Yeah like an exploding turkey.

- How did that happen?

- I don't know.

That was cool though.

Did that happen last time?

- I think I would have mentioned it.

Don't you?

Great, no turkey for lunch.

And that's like the most important part of the day for her.

- I'd say you gave it your best shot.

No turkey means no Christmas.

It's time to give up.

And seeing as we're giving up.

We might as well go down to the beach.

- No way.

Christmas isn't over yet.

- Oh we're gonna wait for it to come back then down are we?

- Very funny.

I'm not waiting for anything.

There's still time to fix this.

(squeak)

- Why isn't it coming back down?

- We're going in Alex.

Auntie Ethel needs a glass of water.

- That's fine Mum.

Game's over anyway.

You won, congratulations!

- Did I?

Oh I never used to like cricket.

Your Aunt Ethel used to make me play all the time

when I was a girl.

I used to pretend that my arms were tired

just to get out of it.

- Maddie you've got to help me.

I've lost the turkey.

- You have?

How'd you do that?

- It flew off.

I need you to help me get another one

or Mum's Christmas will be ruined.

- I'm sure it wont'.

She'll organise something her self.

I think your Mum likes to do that sort of thing.

- You didn't see her last time around Mads.

She cried.

All because I cared about some stupid party

more than her feelings.

Out of everything that happened.

That was the worst.

- What what about when Parker put you

in that locker upside down.

- Yes.

- Okay Alex I'll get you turkey.

You can rely on me.

- What's taking Maddie so long.

- You know the beach party will have finished

by now, don't you?

- Look.

I'm hideous.

- I think the purple brings out the bluiness of your eyes.

- They're brown.

- Yeah I'm getting around.

- Yes she's got one.

She's bringing it now.

- Okay Simon you get the family and put them

around the table and let Maddie in when she gets here.

I've gotta go get changed.

- Changed?

- Yeah I've got one more Christmas surprise left for Mum.

She'll love it.

- Um.

- Isn't he beautiful.

Alex asked me to get him.

Can we call him Chester.

(party horn blows)

(dishes break)

- Aw that one flew away too Alex.

(buzz)

(buzz)

(gobble)

(squeal)

- Where's Chester?

- [Dad] Is the front door still open?

- Ah for

(girls giggle)

- Hey, how's it going?

Ho ho ho!

Now that was embarrassing.

At least they wouldn't have known who I was.

- Hey Alex.

I like your shorts.

(girls giggle)

- It's a long story.

- Oh, ew!

(girls laugh)

- Thanks for all the help guys.

- Oh she's choking.

Does anyone know the heimlich manoeuvre?

(smack)

(cough and spit)

- I can't help but sense that this is somehow my fault.

- Why didn't we just go to the party?

- Poor Auntie Ethel.

What party?

- Mum we were invited to a beach barbecue

but we decided no to go because we thought

that it would be best to spend Christmas here.

- Oh!

- Why are you crying?

- No I'm not crying.

Oh, I just worry that you two are getting older

and there will be a time where you won't want

to spend Christmas with your Mum and Dad.

You'd rather be off having parties with your friends.

I'm just so glad it hasn't happened yet.

- But I've ruined everything.

We don't even have any lunch.

- Well we've still got my lovely pavlova.

- Pavlova.

- And I could always make some sandwiches.

Some lovely Christmas sandwiches.

What say we tidy up the tree

and tidy up in here

and then we'll get ready for the family Christmas photo.

You know how much I love the family Christmas photo.

Put it on a timer Simon.

I want you in the photo as well.

You too Maddie.

- Everyone say pavlova.

- It'll be shut by now.

Anyway once you've seen one tiny accordion

you've seen them all.

- Three two one.

- [Group] Pavlova!

- [Maddie] Good.

One for the album.

(rock music)

(water splashes)

- Out in the open air.

Out in the open Christmas air.

On the street.

(they laugh)