Original subtitles

(alarm clock ringing)

♫ I'm amazed at the things that you say

♫ I hear it all before, just another day

♫ January, February, all the same

♫ March, April, May's coming back, again

♫ No way

♫ 'Cause it's the worst year of my life, again

♫ It's looped around and pulled me back in

♫ Now, yesterday has come, again

♫ Oh no

♫ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♫ The worst year of my life, again

(alarm clock ringing)

(muffled music)

- Look, look.

The competition I entered.

First prize is a luxury makeover session.

How perfect is that?

I love makeovers and luxury.

"Dear Ms. King, We are delighted to inform you

that you have won second prize."

Two tickets for tonight's BOYZ AZ 1 gig.

BOYZ AZ 1, you're kidding.

Ugh, what am I, 12?

These are rubbish.

Hey slug, you finished with that?

(Alex choking)

- I've already got that one.

(acoustic guitar strumming)

- How ya' doing?

- Doing good, how are you?

- Yeah, I'm good.

- Name's Birch.

Simon Birch.

- Is that new?

- Really wish you wouldn't do that.

- What's wrong with your old phone?

- It was like a whole six months old.

Antique.

You have to be the biggest loser on earth

to still be going around with one of them.

- Hey, Maddy.

Check out the phone Si gave me.

Don't know about the ringtone, though.

Every time it goes off, it sounds like a truck's reversing.

(phone beeping loudly)

- Sounds more like a fire alarm to me.

- Ah, don't be stupid.

- Fire, fire, fire!

Everybody out of the building!

Don't panic!

Single file, don't panic!

As you were, as you were.

(electric guitar strumming)

- What are you so happy about?

- Okay, I wasn't going to say anything, but

I just had the moment.

The moment, Simon, with you know who.

(janitor blowing nose)

- Bit our of your league, isn't he?

- Behind him.

(magical music)

- Not, again.

You'd have a better shot with the caretaker.

- You didn't see it, Simon.

Full eye contact.

Big smile.

She even played with her hair.

You know what it means when a girl

plays with her hair, don't you?

- She's got nits?

- No, no, no.

It means that she was flirting.

- Flirting, oh please.

No, you really have to stop with this whole

Nicola Grey thing.

It is never gonna happen.

First off, she only dates mature, sporty types.

- I'm mature.

- You still have a piggy bank.

- Well, I'm definitely sporty.

I'm captain of a soccer team.

- I think we all know who the real star

of that squad is, now, don't we?

- You?

Have you ever even done 40 kick ups in a row?

I have.

- Oh, that's only 'cause a wasp flew up your shorts.

And besides, it was nowhere near 40.

Four, maybe.

- It was 40.

- Thanks for the ball, mate.

- Nice one, Alex.

Look, mate.

I'm tryin' help you here.

You and Nicola have got nothing in common.

- We have, we...

Maddy, tell him.

- What?

- Tell him what we've got in common.

- [Nicola] Isn't he just gorgeous?

(girls sighing)

- BOYZ AZ 1.

- 'Scuse me?

That was a bit weird, don't you think?

- [Nicola] Yeah, dad couldn't get us tickets.

- BOYZ AZ 1, cool.

- You like BOYZ AZ 1?

- Oh, yeah.

I've got all their albums.

- They've only got one album, idiot.

- Yeah, I know.

Listen to it heaps.

- So, who's your favourite member then?

- Uh, it's the tall one.

- What's your favourite song?

- Well, it's the one that goes,

"Da, da, da, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh."

(Alex scatting and air drumming)

Um, wait.

Um, got a couple of tickets for tonight's gig, actually.

- But, it's been sold out for months.

- What?

You mean you haven't got tickets?

Too bad.

I was gonna take someone else,

but you're, obviously, such a big fan.

I guess you could come.

If you wanted.

(magical music)

I've done it.

Finally, I've got a date.

- Seriously?

You just asked her out?

Without something completely humiliating happening to you?

- Si, you make it sound like something humiliating happens

to me every five minutes.

(fire alarm ringing) - Goal!

- Uh, it does sound a little bit like my phone.

- Right, King.

Damaging school property.

First warning.

- But, it wasn't me! - Answering back!

- Second warning.

- That was four and a half minutes, actually.

- Okay, everyone.

We're doing bangers and mash, today.

Everyone favourite.

- Told you to get here early.

You know the plain ones always go quick.

- Do you have to wear that stupid thing

every time we have food tech?

- It's for my food allergies.

- You don't have any food allergies.

- I know because I always wear my mask.

- Ah, Craig from BOYZ AZ 1.

Look at him doing yoga.

Doesn't he look amazing?

(girls sighing)

- Seriously, hope for your sake you,

actually, have those tickets.

Nicola gets a nasty temper when things don't go her way.

- I heard she once stuck a sausage up a boy's nose.

And they never found it, again.

I don't mean a tiny party sausage.

I'm talking about a big, thick, gourmet, organic,

honey and rosemary whopper.

- I have the tickets, okay?

Or, at least, I know exactly where they are.

They're in the bin, at home.

- Isn't it bin day?

- They don't come till five.

All I have to do is go home and grab them after school.

Easy.

- Mrs. Baxter.

Third warning, King.

Detention.

Straight after school.

(school bell ringing)

Alright, well I hope you've learned your...

King!

(upbeat music)

- No!

Shortcut.

Ugh, I need a bath.

Or a shower.

(truck beeping)

Hello?

No!

- $200 bucks.

- Guessing you don't accept sandwiches?

- Alex?

What have you been doing?

Oh, you stink.

You're not going in there like that.

Now, give me the tickets and go clean yourself up.

You do have the tickets, don't you?

- [Maddy] I heard she once stuck a sausage up a boy's nose.

(alarm clock beeping)

(muffled music)

- Look, look.

The competition I entered.

First prize is a luxury makeover session, Alex.

How perfect is that?

I love makeovers.

- And luxury.

- Exactly.

"Dear Ms. King, We are delighted to inform you

that you have won second prize."

Two tickets for tonight's BOYZ AZ 1 gig?

- What are you, 12?

- Yeah, exactly.

These are just rubbish.

Actually, just realised what I could get for these online.

- You mean, you never threw them out last time?

The dump, the sausage.

- Why are you always so weird?

- Wait.

I'll buy 'em off you.

- Okay, $250, please.

- $250?

But, the scalper was selling them for $200.

- Then get them off him.

- Birch.

Simon Birch. - I need your help.

- You so do.

I think I have some gel in here somewhere.

- No, Simon.

I need your help.

- Be about Nicola.

You watch, it'll be about Nicola.

Oh, give it a rest, mate.

It's never gonna happen.

- Shows what you know because it did happen.

This time last year, we went on a date.

- What happened?

You totally mess it up?

- No, actually, no.

- You did, didn't you, Alex?

- Yes.

But, this time it's gonna be different.

It's gonna be the best date ever.

So, please just help me and go along

with everything I say, okay?

I can't believe neither of you can come along

to the BOYZ AZ 1 gig with me tonight.

What am I going to do?

- What are you talking about? - What's BOYZ AZ 1?

- You like BOYZ AZ 1?

- Only my favourite band.

Have a couple of tickets to tonight's gig, actually.

Only, nobody to take now.

Hey, don't suppose you're a fan are you?

- Actually, I'm their biggest--

- Cool, I'll see you there.

- Okay.

Sure.

- This isn't good, Alex.

You shouldn't use your looping for romantic gain.

- I agree.

Now, monetary gain, on the other hand.

- Thanks for the ball, mate.

- I just mean, when it comes to romance,

the universe has a way of making sure everything

always works out the way it's meant to.

There's some things you can't change.

- Can't I?

(school bell ringing)

- You got to the apron cupboard quick.

So, what are you gonna do when Nicola starts questioning

you about BOYZ AZ 1?

Fame, death, trust me.

Doesn't work.

Eventually someone always calls an ambulance

and then things just get awkward.

- Give me some credit, Si.

For the last month, I've been researching on the net

everything there is to know about her favourite.

Craig.

He's a Libra, he's allergic to eel,

and his favourite shape is the triangle.

Trust me, I'm sweet.

- How'd you know he's her favourite?

- Craig from BOYZ AZ 1.

Look at him doing yoga.

Doesn't he look amazing?

(girls sighing)

But, he's nothing compared to Danny.

He's totally my favourite.

(girls giggling)

- Danny?

I don't know anything about Danny.

She's going to find out that I'm faking it.

What's his favourite shape?

What's his favourite shape, Simon?

Who even has a favourite shape?

- I like tetrahedrons.

- You've got to help me.

What's his shoe size?

How many freckles does he have?

Does he own a tortoise?

- Calm down.

How am I supposed to know?

I've never even heard of this stupid band before now.

They're a girls band.

And in case you haven't realised, we don't know any girls.

- I mean, proper girls.

- Maddy, what do I do?

What do I do?

- You could try telling her the truth.

- What?

- Just be honest.

Don't pretend to be someone you're not.

And if she doesn't like you for yourself,

then, maybe, she doesn't deserve you anyway.

And you could start, looking for someone else.

Someone who likes you.

- Simon, what do I do?

- Now relax, man.

All you need to do is research and memorise

the complete biographical history in the few hours

you've got before the gig.

It's a piece of cake.

- You've got to help me.

We've got to come up with a plan.

- Why are you asking her?

It'll just be something stupid.

- I supposed there is something we could do.

Are you there, Alex?

- Alright, last time around was the worst date in history.

This year has to be nothing short of the best.

Two tickets, please.

- $200 bucks.

- Certainly.

Let me pay you with some money.

- Well, what else would you pay me with?

- Not a half-eaten, mouldy sandwich

if that's what you're thinking.

- You for real?

- Well, if you can maintain this level of banter

with Nicola, everything is gonna go just fine.

- I've counted them.

And you can keep the pig.

Hi.

Sup?

How's it going?

What's up?

How's it going?

Hey. - Hey.

- I'm so excited.

I still can't believe that you're a fan.

Who's your favourite?

- Uh, Danny.

Without a doubt.

- Mine, too.

Whoa.

What do you like about him?

- Don't worry, Alex.

We're onto it.

He's got long hair.

- The long hair.

You know, it's really cool.

It's, like, retro.

- [Simon] And he want's to open a donkey sanctuary.

- Plus, I'm a massive animal lover so I'm really on board

with the whole donkey sanctuary thing.

- Look you can't just sit here and not buy anything.

- And it's awesome how he just sits there

and doesn't buy anything.

- Um, so anyway, what's your favourite song?

- Uh, "Gotta Be Funky Beat Down."

- Love the bonus track.

- The bonus track?

- [Nicola] Yes, you downloaded it, right?

- Yeah, yeah.

The bonus track.

How does it go, again?

It's like, (singing).

- Yeah, baby we gonna have a party.

We're gonna bust some moves.

We're gonna get in the groove.

- Gonna get down tonight.

- Oh, girl.

I'll show you what you mean to me, yeah girl.

Pretty soon you'll see.

- Have some fun.

(record scratches)

Ugh, actually, I really just tend to listen

to the instrumental version.

- I love the instrumental version.

You really do know your stuff, Alex.

I'm glad I came.

Ah, look.

There's Craig and Danny's yoga instructor.

I've gotta get a photo.

- Uh, what are those?

- Oh, last years tickets.

I always keep everything BOYZ AZ 1 related.

Don't you?

Obviously.

- I've got the wrong tickets.

- Abort the mission.

I repeat, abort the mission.

- Uh, Nicola.

About the tickets.

- What about them?

Have you lost them?

Is this all a big joke?

I have to see BOYZ AZ 1.

- No, no, I've got them.

It's, um, we're in the wrong queue.

Yep, I have special VIP ones, you know?

Backstage, the works.

- Backstage passes?

Why didn't you say so?

Let's go.

- Help me.

- Don't worry, mate.

We'll pull up blueprints to the entire building.

We'll get you backstage.

You'll have the best day ever.

Yeah, he's dead.

- [Alex] Still connected, Si.

- Where are we going?

- I don't understand.

This always works in the spy films.

- [Alex] Where are we going?

- We're coming, Alex.

- Why?

How we gonna help him out there?

- I don't know.

But, I for one, don't want to miss

whatever disaster ensues, do you?

- Hello?

- Alex.

- Shortcut.

- Why didn't you use the gate?

And what are you doing in the skip?

- I wanted to get this.

I'm one of those mature, sporty types, you know?

Soccer man.

I once did 40 kick ups in a row.

- It says no access.

- Uh, yeah.

That's to non-VIPs.

They have to keep the riff-raff out.

You know.

- Well, good.

- Go on, check me out.

- Shouldn't we be looking for Alex?

- He's fine.

They got in.

Nothing can go wrong now.

Go on, spot me.

Five, six, seven, 15, 21.

I still can't believe we're actually backstage.

- Nope, nope.

Neither can I.

- 25, 27, 31.

- Aw. - My phone.

- Ah, oh. (fire alarm beeping)

- It's the fire alarm, you idiot.

- Fire.

Ah, fire, fire!

Run, run everyone!

Out of the building!

- But, it's a false alarm.

Do something!

Go on.

- I can't.

- Maybe, we can fix it.

- No, no, stop!

Monsters.

Stupid thing.

I never liked it, anyway.

- What have you done?

You've ruined the gig.

Now, we'll never get to see them.

What's wrong with you?

Well?

- There never were any tickets.

- What?

- Never was a fan of BOYZ AZ 1.

I made the whole thing up.

- You made the...

Why?

- It was the only way to get you to go out with me.

- You mean, you did all that?

You learned all those things?

You jumped into a skip?

You broke into the hall?

Just to go out with me?

If you wanted to ask me out, you should have just--

- What, what?

I should have just, what?

- You've blown it.

Again!

- Nicola.

- [Maddy] You're wet.

- Yeah, I hadn't noticed, Mads.

Thanks.

- My phone broke.

- At least, it wasn't your heart.

- Cheer up, mate.

It was still your best date ever.

In turn, it is your only date ever.

But, you know what they say--

- Plenty more carbon based lifeforms in the universe.

- Don't talk to me about the universe.

I'm sick of hearing about the universe.

You hear that?

I'm sick of it.

- I really don't think you should be shouting

at the universe, Alex.

- Why?

What's it gonna do?

It can hardly make things worse.

Ow.

Aw man.

Pull it off?

Yeah, it's in my eye.

We don't know any girls.

- [Simon] I mean, proper girls.

- I forgot the next lines. (laughing)

Does he own a tortoise?

- Calm down.

How am I supposed to know?

(laughing)