All language subtitles for VHYes.2019.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG_English

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian Download
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German Download
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese Download
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:18,118 Thanks. 2 00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:22,823 ♪Organ plays wedding music♪ 3 00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:28,729 You may kiss the bride. 4 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,565 Take it on vacations, 5 00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:33,300 - family parties... - Whoa. 6 00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:34,301 Is it on? 7 00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:35,903 - Can you see me? - Huh? 8 00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,238 How do I look? 9 00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:39,306 Mom, you look great. 10 00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:41,742 What's so funny? 11 00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:43,143 Nothing. 12 00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:44,544 Hey, careful, Ralphie. 13 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:45,512 That's not a toy. 14 00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:46,847 - I paid a lot of money for that. - Yeah, I know, I kn-- 15 00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:49,116 Ralph. 16 00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:50,951 Did you put a tape in that? 17 00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:53,153 - Yeah. - Which tape? 18 00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:55,722 I found one underneath the entertainment center. 19 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:56,790 Was it blank? 20 00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:57,891 I- I think s-- 21 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,535 Hello and Merry Christmas. 22 00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:11,471 Operation Just Cause enters its fifth day-- 23 00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:13,073 It says here... 24 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,909 we can record straight from the TV. 25 00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:18,045 - Hey, Ralphie. - Huh? 26 00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,279 Grab this cord 27 00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,415 and plug into the back of the camera. 28 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:23,283 - Uh, right here? - Yup. 29 00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:25,719 There you go. 30 00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:28,555 ...troops have been playing music at loud volumes 31 00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,257 outside the embassy, in an attempt 32 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,125 to force Noriega to surrender. 33 00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:34,594 The opera-loving dictator has been forced to listen-- 34 00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,663 10 of the same! 35 00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:37,864 ♪Jaunty music♪ 36 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,536 What's wrong here, partner? 37 00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:46,206 Kindly the Cowboy, I got this big ol' problem. 38 00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:46,606 Hm? 39 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,241 This bully at school keeps fighting-- 40 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:53,080 ...Black Sabbath, and songs chosen for their ironic titles, 41 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,482 - such as "No More--" - Pretty cool, huh, Ralphie? 42 00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:57,417 You can record all your favorite shows. 43 00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,988 Stop it! 44 00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:07,160 Hi there, my name-- 45 00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:12,366 my name is Ralph, and I just got this camera. 46 00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:14,267 It can zoom in... 47 00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:15,902 it can zoom out, 48 00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:16,937 in, out. 49 00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:19,439 It can zoom out, in, out, in, out. 50 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,176 Toothbrush. 51 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:42,796 Hi, grandma. 52 00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,932 So I'm gonna prank my mom with this. 53 00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:50,804 Sh-sh-shh, be cool, be cool. 54 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,910 Got you! 55 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,145 Ralphie! 56 00:02:58,478 --> 00:02:59,780 Are you filming this? 57 00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:00,580 Cool. 58 00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:03,617 Ha-ha-ha-ha. 59 00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:04,551 Go outside and play. 60 00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:06,319 - It's a beautiful morning. - Aww... 61 00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:07,320 You shouldn't be filming everyth-- 62 00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:12,993 I could get hurt. 63 00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:14,194 This thing is huge. 64 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,829 Just light it and run away! 65 00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,597 That's what adults do. 66 00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:20,434 I can't. 67 00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:21,601 Ugh. 68 00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,203 Oh, come on. 69 00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:31,912 Okay. 70 00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:33,480 'Kay, I'm gonna do it. 71 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:34,381 Are you recording? 72 00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:36,383 I don't think so. 73 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,617 What button do I press? 74 00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,853 You press the button-- the-- the red one. 75 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,021 Oh, cool. 76 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,522 That was amazing! 77 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,492 Meteor! 78 00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:46,927 Meteor! 79 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,895 - Yeah! - Yeah, that was killer, man. 80 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,064 - Ow, mother--! - Don't touch it! 81 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:54,267 Arg! 82 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:59,272 All right, so this is my best friend Josh, 83 00:03:59,272 --> 00:04:01,708 and we're super best pals. 84 00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:03,510 Want to say hi, Josh? 85 00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,213 Classic Josh. 86 00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:08,949 Bless you. 87 00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,218 Bless you again. 88 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,018 Thanks. 89 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:12,853 Wait, wait, wait. 90 00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,654 So you're telling me you can wa-- you can record 91 00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:16,156 late-night TV with this stuff 92 00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:17,924 and watch it in your room later? 93 00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:20,193 That's so cool. 94 00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:23,163 ♪Soft music playing from TV♪ 95 00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:25,232 All you have to do is just plug-- 96 00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:29,102 ♪soft music♪ 97 00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:32,072 And welcome back to 'Painting with Joan.' 98 00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:35,542 We're just having a lot of fun today on our canvases today. 99 00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:38,044 Our experiences and our imagination 100 00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:39,146 are working together 101 00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,648 to create something really inspiring. 102 00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,016 I'm glad you're here. 103 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,052 So why don't we go ahead and cheer up these mountains? 104 00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:47,554 What do you say? 105 00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:50,323 So we're gonna want to take our palettes 106 00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:53,193 and find a lively, earthy brown. 107 00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:56,930 Mix them all together. 108 00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:58,932 I just love mixing. 109 00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:00,500 Do you? 110 00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:05,172 ♪♪♪ 111 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,810 Now, we're gonna grab our two-inch brush. 112 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:14,047 If you don't have one, one-and-a-half is fine. 113 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,819 - And we're just gonna-- - Cheryl, nine years ago, 114 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:19,753 you stole my heart. 115 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,588 Seven years ago, you made me single again. 116 00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:22,455 You broke my heart. 117 00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:23,657 - Oh, well... - I'm in love again 118 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,292 and I'm in love with this. 119 00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:26,326 What-- what are we talking-- 120 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,627 what is-- what can I do with this pen? 121 00:05:27,627 --> 00:05:28,628 Oh, you can do-- 122 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,831 ...budget for the Department of Defense-- 123 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,099 Gina, thank you so much for bringing this beautiful-- 124 00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:33,700 'Night, honey! 125 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,202 I'll only be a few minutes. 126 00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:37,003 Goodnight, Mom. 127 00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:40,407 Don't be gone long. 128 00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:42,843 I have a bad feeling. 129 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,644 ♪Suspenseful music♪ 130 00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:46,680 Time to steal. 131 00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:48,448 Shoot! 132 00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:50,383 They got Umbrose Security Systems! 133 00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:52,152 You think you're safe? 134 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,453 You're not. 135 00:05:54,554 --> 00:05:56,723 ♪♪♪ 136 00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,730 Hey, little girl. 137 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,933 ♪Dramatic music♪ 138 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,069 Milton and 5th, code red. 139 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,405 I'm Mr. Nightmare. 140 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:13,907 Freeze! 141 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:14,874 Umbrose Security! 142 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,209 You guys got here fast! 143 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,853 Thanks, Umbrose Security. 144 00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:28,888 I'll sleep easy tonight. 145 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:31,992 Got him. 146 00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:34,761 I'm having a lot of fun. 147 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:41,334 Now, we're gonna grab a little frost white, 148 00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,236 give our mountains a little hat. 149 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,471 Snow! 150 00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:51,678 And we're just gonna go in and give little strokes, 151 00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:54,247 just kiss the canvas. 152 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,448 Not with your mouth. 153 00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:56,983 Don't ever kiss the canvas with your mouth. 154 00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:58,518 These paints are toxic. 155 00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:00,854 Kiss it with your brush. 156 00:07:01,554 --> 00:07:02,622 Beautiful. 157 00:07:02,622 --> 00:07:03,690 And there you go. 158 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,225 Beautiful mountain. 159 00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:07,527 Now, let's get back to the spaceship. 160 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,131 You can see, obviously by the design, 161 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:13,533 that it's from the Zenin galaxy. 162 00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:16,369 They're a peaceful and prosperous civilization 163 00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,038 who've had the benefit of female leadership 164 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,773 for the last 5,000 years. 165 00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:23,143 When I see these beauties go by in the sky 166 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,412 and I say, "Hey, you!"... 167 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,448 they never stop. 168 00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:33,887 Now, let's get back to the main subject 169 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:36,156 Dennis Rodman. 170 00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:40,627 Remember, every brushstroke is a sentence in a story, 171 00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,996 and in this story, I'm dunking on Dennis 172 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,699 harder than I've dunked on anyone in the 23 years 173 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:47,100 that I've been alive. 174 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:51,037 I'm grabbing onto his beautiful green hair, 175 00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:54,240 his sweaty neck sliding in-between 176 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,943 my dark, green courduroys. 177 00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:59,879 We smash the board with our ecstasy. 178 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,748 There's moisture. 179 00:08:01,748 --> 00:08:03,483 Some of it isn't sweat. 180 00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:07,454 So, we're just gonna take our brush, 181 00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,323 and we're gonna soften the edges. 182 00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:13,860 Downward strokes. 183 00:08:14,627 --> 00:08:16,196 Just like that. 184 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,499 Very careful, it's a tricky area. 185 00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:23,002 ...to kind of balance the-- the muzzle of the gun 186 00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,337 while they shot skeet. 187 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,273 ...all can be yours, 79.95! 188 00:08:27,273 --> 00:08:28,875 I know you-- you're thinking "Hey, that feels like a lot," 189 00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,744 but also, this is the pen that I'm gonna give 190 00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:33,380 to my son, and my son's gonna give to his son, 191 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:34,981 and on and on and on. 192 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,283 I don't wanna get choked up right now, 193 00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:38,418 but I-- I just might. 194 00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,286 I just might get choked up about this. 195 00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:40,920 We're k-- 196 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,021 we don't have children. 197 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:42,455 - We-- - But-- 198 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:47,127 When a kooky geneticist lost his only son, Zach... 199 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:49,362 ♪jaunty music♪ 200 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:53,166 he broke the laws of nature to bring him back. 201 00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,868 ♪♪♪ 202 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:55,969 He cloned him! 203 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,606 But someone got carried away. 204 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,775 Now, there's... 205 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,443 10 of the same! 206 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:06,312 ♪♪♪ 207 00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:09,883 Three are just a little different. 208 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:13,319 ♪♪♪ 209 00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:24,931 New Zach 3... 210 00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,065 What's up, Pops? 211 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:29,302 Did you leave... this shirt on the front lawn? 212 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:30,737 Dad... 213 00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,305 New Zach 2 is messing with you. 214 00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:35,008 I'm New Zach 3. 215 00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:37,477 Did you leave this shirt on the front lawn? 216 00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:38,411 Dad... 217 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,346 New Zach 7 is messing with you. 218 00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:42,615 I'm actually New Zach 3. 219 00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:44,284 Duh! 220 00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:49,389 Did you leave this shirt on the front lawn? 221 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,857 That's not one of mine. 222 00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:53,093 I think it's one of New Zach's. 223 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,328 Which one? 224 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:02,235 And I thought being a scientist was hard. 225 00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:05,238 I should've cloned a bigger house. 226 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,540 Dad, can I have some money to go shopping 227 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,008 at the mall? 228 00:10:09,008 --> 00:10:11,511 And a bigger wallet. 229 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:19,352 ...as the Peace Dividend, a surplus of Treasury-- 230 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,821 And because King Corperation is the only 231 00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:23,523 potato manufacturer in the realm-- 232 00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:26,759 - ...funding-- - ..some red dying in there. 233 00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:30,697 That staining, um, actually is blood. 234 00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:34,400 This was a receptacle for hearts. 235 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,504 They would put the heart inside of here 236 00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:40,306 when they would try to revive a person 237 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,509 by, uh, giving them a heart transplant. 238 00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:43,943 Of course, this never worked. 239 00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:45,812 It was always a last-ditch effort. 240 00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:49,115 They originally used coffee tins 241 00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:52,452 and the hearts were, you know, dying and-- 242 00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:55,455 and everyone would die during these procedures. 243 00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,223 And so they thought, "Maybe let's go 244 00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:58,591 a little more ornate. 245 00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:01,761 Maybe if it was a ornate bowl, 246 00:11:01,761 --> 00:11:03,696 the heart would, you know, have a little more 247 00:11:03,696 --> 00:11:05,365 energy to it." 248 00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:06,866 We know that not to be the case, 249 00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:08,668 and they soon found out too, 250 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:12,872 because everyone died, um, on the operating table. 251 00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:14,841 They did have one more version of-- 252 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,109 - It's really fantastic. - It really is. 253 00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:16,943 It could do anything. 254 00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:17,944 It's unbelie-- well, it can do-- 255 00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,512 it can do literally anything that a pen can do. 256 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,313 - Yes, yes, it can. - That's fantastic. 257 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:21,014 - That's true. - And the weight, again, 258 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:21,814 - is magnificent. - Yeah. 259 00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:23,016 And on the other side, it commemorates 260 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,684 some of the great, great figures 261 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,052 of the Confederacy, but, uh, 262 00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:27,787 you don't have to use that side if you don't want to. 263 00:11:27,787 --> 00:11:29,622 - No-- - This one probably had 264 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:33,359 100 to 200, uh, Victorian-era, uh, 265 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,762 hearts of dead people in it. 266 00:11:35,762 --> 00:11:38,331 So back in those days, they was trying heart plants-- 267 00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:40,366 - transplants? - They-- they did. 268 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:44,137 Uh, um, they were very naive about medical, 269 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:45,471 um... 270 00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:46,839 I'm actually... 271 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:50,810 Oh, do you kn-- do-- 272 00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:52,412 I think this is a bowl. 273 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:55,481 Yeah, I- I do-- I think it is a bowl. 274 00:11:55,481 --> 00:11:57,016 Um, sorry. 275 00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:59,552 ♪Cheerful music♪ 276 00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:01,487 - ...buy and sell-- - Start your life-- 277 00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:02,822 ♪classical music♪ 278 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,524 ♪hard rock music♪ 279 00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:05,858 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 280 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:07,961 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 281 00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:10,563 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 282 00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:12,832 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 283 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,234 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 284 00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:17,604 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 285 00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:19,973 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 286 00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:22,842 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 287 00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,078 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 288 00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:27,380 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 289 00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:29,816 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 290 00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:35,555 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 291 00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:39,525 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 292 00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:43,463 ♪Fuck you!♪ 293 00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,332 ♪Fuck her!♪ 294 00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,735 ♪Fuck the government!♪ 295 00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:54,707 ♪harsh feedback♪ 296 00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:02,915 Fuck yes! 297 00:13:02,915 --> 00:13:04,083 Language 298 00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:06,853 Wow. 299 00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:11,024 - Whoa! - Wow, that was interesting. 300 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,193 All these-- all these instruments here, 301 00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:16,396 they're all being played at the same time? 302 00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:17,897 Dad, please, don't embarrass me. 303 00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:18,965 I don't-- I don't know-- 304 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,167 I don't know how you remember all those lyrics. 305 00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:22,835 - I was actually gonna say that. - It's amazing! 306 00:13:22,835 --> 00:13:25,571 Um, uh, uh, uh, Jim, 307 00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:28,641 we already met you from the Phlegmbats, uh, 308 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,643 but we have yet to meet the other two. 309 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,079 Uh, maybe you guys would like to perhaps, uh, 310 00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:34,580 introduce yourselves. 311 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:36,616 Peter V. 312 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:37,850 And-- and you are? 313 00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:39,352 Paco. 314 00:13:39,852 --> 00:13:42,188 Cool, uh, you heard it here first! 315 00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:45,058 Their song, "Ass Fuck 666," 316 00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:48,628 off their new sophomore album on cassette, 317 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:52,098 The Phlegmbats' self-titled, uh, Phle-- The Phlegmbats. 318 00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:53,800 You could get that just about anywhere 319 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,569 that they sell, uh, cassette tapes, so, yeah. 320 00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,104 H- How do you, uh, boys-- 321 00:13:58,104 --> 00:13:59,739 h- how-- I'm sorry. 322 00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:02,175 How do you boys come up with your lyrics? 323 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:05,011 Her forthcoming novel, VHS Comatose, 324 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,413 explores the compulsive pathology 325 00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:08,748 of an entire generation 326 00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:10,950 of home video camera owners. 327 00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,086 Rita Sternwick, thank you for joining us. 328 00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:14,554 It's my pleasure, Todd. 329 00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:17,290 And you make the case that excessive filming and recording 330 00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:20,927 may lead to isolation, lack of sexual desire, 331 00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:23,096 headaches and, in rare instances, 332 00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:26,833 - a complete psychotic break. - Mm-hm. 333 00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:29,802 Now, I understand that hyperbolic statements 334 00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:32,405 sell books, but don't you think this fear 335 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:35,041 - is a tad bit overblown? - I don't. 336 00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,577 I've been studying VHS culture for years. 337 00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,779 It's become my life's work. 338 00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:41,347 I've found 339 00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:44,851 that most VHS owners are exhibiting a condition 340 00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:47,086 that psychiatric professionals are calling 341 00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:49,622 - "tape narcissism." - "Tape narcissism?" 342 00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:52,558 Yes, it's a pattern of collecting and recording 343 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:55,361 your experiences on VHS 344 00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:59,098 that eventually alters the foundation of your reality. 345 00:14:59,098 --> 00:15:01,768 So you're telling me by bringing a camera 346 00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:04,737 to my son's baseball game, it will, um... 347 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,906 - alter my reality? - Yes. 348 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,809 At first, your perceived reality, 349 00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:11,778 then reality itself. 350 00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:21,320 I believe the home VHS camcorder 351 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:24,490 is the beginning of something very frightening. 352 00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:27,160 One day, we all could have mini VHS cameras 353 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,494 in our pockets. 354 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,731 Or built into the very fabric of our t-shirts. 355 00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:35,434 One day, the real world will exist to be filmed. 356 00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:40,006 People will die filming themselves falling off cliffs. 357 00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:44,143 The birthrate will seemingly increase 358 00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:46,412 and then collapse completely. 359 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:50,016 Nations will elect celebrities into political office. 360 00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:52,952 The whole world will go hungry 361 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,787 as farmers ignore their crops 362 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,756 while they're filming their cows. 363 00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:58,391 I believe 364 00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,928 this is the beginning of the fall of mankind. 365 00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:05,832 Mankind? 366 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:08,734 ♪Dramatic music♪ 367 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:09,669 Up next-- 368 00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:27,753 Every time we go out, 369 00:16:27,753 --> 00:16:29,188 you have a problem! 370 00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:31,123 This is happen to me. 371 00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:32,225 Do you know what you are? 372 00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,226 You are a-- 373 00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:34,994 with me! 374 00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:39,732 - You are an absolute--! - ♪Cheerful wedding music♪ 375 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,173 - Say cheese! - Cheese! 376 00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:50,509 One more time, big smile! 377 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:51,377 Here we go! 378 00:16:51,377 --> 00:16:53,679 ♪♪♪ 379 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,122 Hey, I'm Ralph and I'm about to make 380 00:17:03,122 --> 00:17:05,858 the best video mixtape ever! 381 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,628 ♪"Ass Fuck 666" by The Phlegmbats♪ 382 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:13,466 ♪Drink beer, drink my piss♪ ♪Fuck you♪ 383 00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:14,700 ♪Ass fuck♪ 384 00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:16,936 - ♪Ass fuck♪ - Ass fuck! 385 00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:19,505 ♪Ass fuck♪ 386 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:21,307 - ♪Ass fuck♪ - Ralphie! 387 00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:23,175 Turn... down... the mu--! 388 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:52,905 The death of a watermelon. 389 00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,109 Whoo! 390 00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:28,808 This is the greatest fight in the history of fights. 391 00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:32,011 Roar, I'm a brontosaurus! 392 00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:34,180 I've been extinct for... 393 00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:36,949 many years, and you cannot kill me! 394 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,384 You forgot about me. 395 00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:42,021 I'm your cousin, brontonaurus! 396 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,089 Whoa! 397 00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:43,889 What? 398 00:18:43,889 --> 00:18:46,158 Bahh! 399 00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:48,761 No more! 400 00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:51,030 No more dinosaurs! 401 00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:53,132 No more dinosaurs! 402 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,400 You forgot about me, 403 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,435 - the ju-- - Ralph. 404 00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:58,304 - Yeah? - What's goin' on, buddy? 405 00:18:58,304 --> 00:18:59,939 I'm just playing with my toys. 406 00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:02,575 All right, well, your mom and I are gonna head out. 407 00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:03,576 Okay. 408 00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:04,710 There's some pizza in the fridge. 409 00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:07,013 If you get hungry, you can warm it up in the new microwave. 410 00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:08,881 - Okay. - All right, bedtime's 11. 411 00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:09,682 I know. 412 00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:11,984 No late-night TV, Ralph. 413 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:12,852 Okay. 414 00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:20,259 Josh in the house! 415 00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:21,360 Oh, wait. 416 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:22,461 Now I'm in the house. 417 00:19:22,461 --> 00:19:25,698 ...San Fernando Valley in the year 1982. 418 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,968 'Hot Winter' was one of the first films in American cinema 419 00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:31,904 to address one of today's most important issues: 420 00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:33,706 global warming. 421 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,675 Some of the scenes in tonight's film are intense 422 00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:38,644 and suggestive in nature. 423 00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,479 These scenes have been shortened or edited 424 00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:41,847 from the film. 425 00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:45,785 We are proud to present to you the 1982 classic, 426 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:49,221 one of my favorite films, 'Hot Winter,' 427 00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:51,691 a film by Dick Pierre. 428 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,326 ♪Piano music♪ 429 00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:58,330 ♪funky music♪ 430 00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:01,667 I can't believe you're the world's 431 00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:03,936 leading climate scientist 432 00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:06,472 and a successful bodybuilder. 433 00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:08,707 Dr. Manly, 434 00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:11,510 is there anything you can't do? 435 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,286 I think I just cured the common cold in an equation. 436 00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:21,554 Who's done that? 437 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,122 All of this, 438 00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:25,691 and without breaking a sweat? 439 00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:28,360 And it's so hot today. 440 00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,730 I'm sweating. 441 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,064 It is... 442 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,566 very hot. 443 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,334 And it's winter. 444 00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:36,902 It's winter... 445 00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:38,871 and it's hot. 446 00:20:39,004 --> 00:20:40,372 It's a... 447 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,608 hot winter. 448 00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:45,244 A hot winter? 449 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,446 That's so strange. 450 00:20:47,446 --> 00:20:50,049 Aren't winters supposed to be cold? 451 00:20:50,049 --> 00:20:51,851 Maybe I should... 452 00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:54,220 take this off. 453 00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:58,057 ♪Porny music♪ 454 00:20:58,357 --> 00:21:00,793 ♪piano music♪ 455 00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:03,896 I also read an article just yesterday 456 00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:06,732 by award-winning novelist Dr. Manly and it said 457 00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:08,701 that this warmer winter will eventually lead 458 00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:11,170 to the melting of the Arctic ice caps and then, 459 00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:13,005 we're in trouble, big trouble, 460 00:21:13,005 --> 00:21:14,140 and he's calling it... 461 00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:16,375 "global warming." 462 00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:19,245 Ms. Frost, this sounds serious. 463 00:21:19,245 --> 00:21:21,180 What about the polar bears who live there? 464 00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:23,482 If the ice caps melt, will they die? 465 00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:25,751 We don't need polar bears! 466 00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:28,954 We certainly don't need Dr. Manly's opinions. 467 00:21:29,355 --> 00:21:33,559 At Oil Corp, we have our own scientists who will say and do 468 00:21:33,559 --> 00:21:36,028 whatever we want. 469 00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:37,463 Scientists! 470 00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:41,133 Hello. 471 00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:43,836 Do you have a question about... 472 00:21:44,403 --> 00:21:45,504 science? 473 00:21:45,504 --> 00:21:47,406 You are cute. 474 00:21:47,406 --> 00:21:49,775 I've never met a scientist before. 475 00:21:49,775 --> 00:21:52,845 My friends are scientists as well. 476 00:21:52,845 --> 00:21:54,313 ♪Porny music♪ 477 00:21:57,016 --> 00:21:58,951 I'm a scientist. 478 00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:02,288 I'm a scientist. 479 00:22:02,688 --> 00:22:06,492 Scientists, show the intern your data. 480 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,862 Because of an increased global temperature, 481 00:22:09,862 --> 00:22:11,597 water supplies will become scarce 482 00:22:11,597 --> 00:22:13,566 and endanger human beings. 483 00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:15,601 Wow, sounds scary! 484 00:22:15,601 --> 00:22:17,269 We also probably need to save water in case 485 00:22:17,269 --> 00:22:19,271 we need to fight forest fires! 486 00:22:20,573 --> 00:22:22,141 Who's that knocking at the door? 487 00:22:22,141 --> 00:22:23,909 Oh, that's Rico. 488 00:22:23,909 --> 00:22:25,578 He's hot. 489 00:22:25,578 --> 00:22:26,812 Let's have a threesome! 490 00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:31,483 - Hey, Rico. - Hey, girls. 491 00:22:31,517 --> 00:22:33,319 Wood delivery for ya. 492 00:22:33,319 --> 00:22:35,654 - Thanks, Rico. - Thanks. 493 00:22:35,654 --> 00:22:36,689 Yeah. 494 00:22:36,922 --> 00:22:37,856 H- Hey ladies, 495 00:22:37,856 --> 00:22:39,491 what are you doing here right now, 496 00:22:39,491 --> 00:22:41,427 it being such a hot winter? 497 00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:44,864 There's more chances of a forest fire in a hot winter 498 00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:47,433 than if it was a cold winter. 499 00:22:48,434 --> 00:22:50,336 How's football season, Rico? 500 00:22:50,836 --> 00:22:52,938 Football season's well. 501 00:22:52,938 --> 00:22:55,808 I scored seven touchdowns yesterday. 502 00:22:55,808 --> 00:22:58,010 - Wow, that's a lot. - Yeah. 503 00:22:58,010 --> 00:23:00,512 And I also hurt my elbow, though. 504 00:23:00,512 --> 00:23:02,214 - Oh no! - That looks bad! 505 00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:03,215 I know. 506 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:06,051 The doctor said they might have to... 507 00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:08,320 amputate my elbow. 508 00:23:10,122 --> 00:23:11,790 Aw, thanks, girls. 509 00:23:12,558 --> 00:23:14,827 Feels much better now. 510 00:23:15,628 --> 00:23:16,729 That's... 511 00:23:16,729 --> 00:23:17,997 hot. 512 00:23:18,497 --> 00:23:21,433 - I like that. - Where else does it hurt, Rico? 513 00:23:22,268 --> 00:23:23,936 We'll be right back. 514 00:23:24,270 --> 00:23:26,238 ♪Piano music♪ 515 00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:29,775 I'm having a really good time. 516 00:23:29,775 --> 00:23:31,343 This is so much fun. 517 00:23:31,443 --> 00:23:34,446 Despite the protests, the museum went ahead with the opening 518 00:23:34,446 --> 00:23:36,615 of photographer Robert Mapplethorpe's 519 00:23:36,615 --> 00:23:38,317 "The Perfect Moment." 520 00:23:38,317 --> 00:23:39,718 - Yah! - Don't shoot. 521 00:23:39,718 --> 00:23:43,555 Did you know that 42 people have more wealth 522 00:23:43,555 --> 00:23:47,226 than the poorest 3.7 billion combined? 523 00:23:47,226 --> 00:23:48,627 - What? - Yeah! 524 00:23:48,627 --> 00:23:50,963 Get ready to blast-off... those pounds. 525 00:23:50,963 --> 00:23:51,697 Whoo! 526 00:23:51,697 --> 00:23:52,665 Ha-ha! 527 00:23:52,665 --> 00:23:54,366 Yeah! 528 00:23:54,366 --> 00:23:55,601 Burn! 529 00:23:55,601 --> 00:23:56,969 Yeah! Ha-ha! 530 00:23:56,969 --> 00:23:59,805 - Let's get loose. - Let's go, guys! 531 00:23:59,805 --> 00:24:01,006 Go over to those thermostats 532 00:24:01,006 --> 00:24:03,442 and crank those babies way up. 533 00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:06,245 The room we're filming in right now is 92 degrees! 534 00:24:06,245 --> 00:24:07,746 Remember, the hotter the room, 535 00:24:07,746 --> 00:24:09,782 the bigger the blast-off. 536 00:24:09,782 --> 00:24:12,017 Those pounds will fall right off. 537 00:24:12,017 --> 00:24:13,919 ♪Energetic music♪ 538 00:24:13,919 --> 00:24:16,989 Introducing the Soundwall 2000. 539 00:24:16,989 --> 00:24:21,360 Simply bring the Soundwall 2000 into the bathroom with you. 540 00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:24,096 ♪Jazzy music♪ 541 00:24:25,998 --> 00:24:28,467 No more stressful trips to the bathroom, 542 00:24:28,467 --> 00:24:31,570 no more wondering if she heard you pee on the floor. 543 00:24:33,205 --> 00:24:35,708 And let the romance begin. 544 00:24:35,708 --> 00:24:37,810 ♪♪♪ 545 00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:39,578 Wow, what a kiss. 546 00:24:39,578 --> 00:24:42,815 - Thanks-- - ♪dramatic music♪ 547 00:24:42,815 --> 00:24:45,050 You know the guy we found murdered on 3rd Avenue? 548 00:24:45,050 --> 00:24:46,952 This is the last will and testament 549 00:24:46,952 --> 00:24:48,787 of Sir Roger Handley V. 550 00:24:48,787 --> 00:24:51,190 He left his last will and testament. 551 00:24:51,190 --> 00:24:53,826 He also outlined how he would get his revenge. 552 00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:56,462 A series of events that, with your help, 553 00:24:56,462 --> 00:24:58,630 will avenge my terrible death 554 00:24:58,630 --> 00:25:01,934 and bring this cretinous fool to justice. 555 00:25:04,603 --> 00:25:06,438 We're getting close. 556 00:25:06,438 --> 00:25:08,207 - I can feel it. - However, 557 00:25:08,207 --> 00:25:11,610 if I was not murdered by Lady Margaret and Count Giovanni 558 00:25:11,610 --> 00:25:13,779 and you know this as fact, 559 00:25:13,779 --> 00:25:17,149 please fast-forward past my elaborate plan for revenge 560 00:25:17,149 --> 00:25:19,084 to the section where I am holding up 561 00:25:19,084 --> 00:25:22,121 this red piece of paper. 562 00:25:22,121 --> 00:25:26,158 Please, understand-- 563 00:25:35,334 --> 00:25:36,935 ♪dramatic music♪ 564 00:25:36,935 --> 00:25:38,170 We're getting close. 565 00:25:38,170 --> 00:25:39,938 I can taste it! 566 00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:46,879 This Handley was quite the character. 567 00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:53,051 We're getting close. 568 00:25:53,051 --> 00:25:55,387 We're getting really close. 569 00:25:57,156 --> 00:25:57,823 It's a chair. 570 00:25:57,823 --> 00:26:00,225 I mean, I- I don't know quite what you want me to say. 571 00:26:00,225 --> 00:26:01,360 It's not even that old. 572 00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:02,995 And these are magnificent. 573 00:26:02,995 --> 00:26:04,730 Take a look at these baggies right here. 574 00:26:04,730 --> 00:26:07,366 - I'm lookin' at 'em. - Now, that is a 100 % polythene. 575 00:26:07,366 --> 00:26:09,768 - Wow. - It's made in Taiwan. 576 00:26:09,768 --> 00:26:11,236 - No! - Wow, the Republic of Taiwan. 577 00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:14,373 - Yes. - And, it features this open 578 00:26:14,373 --> 00:26:16,608 - and reseal tech-- - Oh, wow! 579 00:26:16,975 --> 00:26:17,743 That you've been hearing so much about. 580 00:26:17,743 --> 00:26:18,343 Look at that. 581 00:26:18,343 --> 00:26:19,278 - Tell me, Tony. - Mm-hm? 582 00:26:19,278 --> 00:26:20,813 What kinds of things can you put 583 00:26:20,813 --> 00:26:22,047 in these little baggies anyway? 584 00:26:22,047 --> 00:26:22,981 Oh my gosh, absolutely anything. 585 00:26:22,981 --> 00:26:24,616 For example, I'm talking about, uh, tiny little screws. 586 00:26:24,616 --> 00:26:25,717 Earrings. 587 00:26:25,717 --> 00:26:26,618 - Yes. - You know what is one thing 588 00:26:26,618 --> 00:26:27,853 that I like to put in them, Cheryl? 589 00:26:27,853 --> 00:26:28,387 Tell me. 590 00:26:29,154 --> 00:26:29,988 - Sugar. - Oh. 591 00:26:29,988 --> 00:26:31,223 I like to put sugar in 'em. 592 00:26:31,223 --> 00:26:33,025 I ge-- I get my morning cup o' Joe-- 593 00:26:33,025 --> 00:26:35,294 - Yes, he does. - And I want just the exact 594 00:26:35,294 --> 00:26:36,295 amount of sugar-- 595 00:26:36,295 --> 00:26:38,397 ...privatize prisons in America. 596 00:26:38,397 --> 00:26:40,666 Some believe that by owning a prison, 597 00:26:40,666 --> 00:26:42,568 a company might have more incentive 598 00:26:42,568 --> 00:26:44,436 to give money to politicians 599 00:26:44,436 --> 00:26:46,905 who favor stricter laws to increase-- 600 00:26:46,905 --> 00:26:47,673 Whoo! 601 00:26:48,507 --> 00:26:49,475 Hey! 602 00:26:49,775 --> 00:26:50,876 - All right! - Hah! 603 00:26:51,810 --> 00:26:52,845 Kickin' it! 604 00:26:53,312 --> 00:26:54,146 Feelin' it! 605 00:26:55,714 --> 00:26:57,082 Whoo! Whoo! 606 00:26:58,150 --> 00:26:59,451 Activate that whole body! 607 00:26:59,451 --> 00:27:03,088 ♪Energetic music♪ 608 00:27:05,090 --> 00:27:06,625 Again! 609 00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:08,594 Right, left, right, hah! 610 00:27:09,261 --> 00:27:10,329 Blastin' off! 611 00:27:10,829 --> 00:27:11,663 Whoo! 612 00:27:12,331 --> 00:27:13,198 Whoo! 613 00:27:13,565 --> 00:27:15,467 - You got it! - Ha-ha, you got it! 614 00:27:17,402 --> 00:27:18,237 Kick! 615 00:27:19,104 --> 00:27:20,105 That's it! 616 00:27:20,105 --> 00:27:22,407 ♪♪♪ 617 00:27:28,547 --> 00:27:29,648 ...a family of zebras over here. 618 00:27:29,648 --> 00:27:30,849 Oh that's-- 619 00:27:30,849 --> 00:27:32,017 - That's amazing. - Do they neigh? 620 00:27:32,017 --> 00:27:34,653 And then, um, take me to your leaders. 621 00:27:34,653 --> 00:27:35,954 - Oh. - And then, uh, I've got 622 00:27:35,954 --> 00:27:37,189 kids on the-- kids on the playground, 623 00:27:37,189 --> 00:27:38,123 - having a time. - Yes. 624 00:27:38,123 --> 00:27:40,125 The coating system alone, who figured this out? 625 00:27:40,125 --> 00:27:41,393 I-- I couldn't-- I couldn't have thought of this. 626 00:27:41,393 --> 00:27:42,494 - I c-- you do-- - You've known me 627 00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:43,228 - for a long time. - You've never thought 628 00:27:43,228 --> 00:27:44,830 of anything. 629 00:27:45,063 --> 00:27:48,300 ♪Dark soft music♪ 630 00:27:50,369 --> 00:27:52,204 I was the MC that night. 631 00:27:52,204 --> 00:27:55,741 - Hello, everyone! - I introduced the girls and... 632 00:27:56,475 --> 00:27:57,910 told some jokes. 633 00:27:57,910 --> 00:27:59,878 ♪♪♪ 634 00:27:59,878 --> 00:28:02,447 Sisters were supposed to show of their talents, so... 635 00:28:02,447 --> 00:28:04,816 First up... we have... 636 00:28:04,816 --> 00:28:06,018 Laura! 637 00:28:06,018 --> 00:28:07,619 Now, get on up here! 638 00:28:09,454 --> 00:28:14,192 ♪♪♪ 639 00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:18,196 My talent was to play the piano, 640 00:28:18,897 --> 00:28:20,699 so I played the piano. 641 00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:24,403 ♪♪♪ 642 00:28:28,173 --> 00:28:30,275 It was all just really supposed to be fun. 643 00:28:32,144 --> 00:28:33,579 It was all supposed to be fun 644 00:28:33,579 --> 00:28:35,981 at the Beta Z semi-formal. 645 00:28:35,981 --> 00:28:39,184 Girls were drinking, getting to know each other, 646 00:28:39,184 --> 00:28:42,688 until Rachel Drexler, a sophomore from Tennessee, 647 00:28:42,688 --> 00:28:45,557 got up to do her talent. 648 00:28:45,557 --> 00:28:47,726 I didn't really know Rachel. 649 00:28:47,726 --> 00:28:50,095 At first, she seemed like a really nice girl. 650 00:28:51,630 --> 00:28:53,966 But the more you talked to her, 651 00:28:55,067 --> 00:28:58,570 the more you felt like "Whoa, something's weird here." 652 00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:06,511 ♪Jazzy music♪ 653 00:29:07,713 --> 00:29:08,680 Ow! 654 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:11,283 Are pesky back pains ruining your life? 655 00:29:12,684 --> 00:29:15,621 Guess I can't organize my husband's birthday party. 656 00:29:15,621 --> 00:29:16,955 Shoot! 657 00:29:16,955 --> 00:29:18,457 Are you missing important calls 658 00:29:18,457 --> 00:29:19,758 because of your elbow pain? 659 00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:21,159 Ow! 660 00:29:21,159 --> 00:29:22,561 Oh no, 661 00:29:22,561 --> 00:29:24,463 that was the President! 662 00:29:24,596 --> 00:29:25,664 - Hey, Ricky. - Hey! 663 00:29:26,431 --> 00:29:27,499 Ah! 664 00:29:27,866 --> 00:29:29,935 Are sudden knee pains making you 665 00:29:29,935 --> 00:29:31,203 clinically depressed? 666 00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:32,804 Ow! 667 00:29:33,405 --> 00:29:35,140 Uh oh, that's no fun. 668 00:29:35,140 --> 00:29:37,676 Why don't you try Flexi Cream? 669 00:29:37,676 --> 00:29:39,645 Flexi Cream! 670 00:29:39,645 --> 00:29:41,113 Thanks, Tracy Beth. 671 00:29:41,847 --> 00:29:45,083 For only 14.99, obtain freakish flexibility 672 00:29:45,083 --> 00:29:46,952 you've only dreamed of. 673 00:29:46,952 --> 00:29:48,920 Just apply a quick layer of Flexi Cream 674 00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:51,690 in a circular motion on your elbows or hurt area. 675 00:29:51,690 --> 00:29:53,325 And... voila! 676 00:29:54,126 --> 00:29:57,496 Flexibility you have to see to believe. 677 00:29:59,064 --> 00:29:59,998 Hello? 678 00:30:00,799 --> 00:30:02,401 Thanks, Flexi Cream. 679 00:30:03,001 --> 00:30:05,504 Mr. President, about those wars. 680 00:30:05,504 --> 00:30:09,074 ♪♪♪ 681 00:30:10,208 --> 00:30:11,843 I recommend the following. 682 00:30:11,843 --> 00:30:13,779 You might wanna come closer to your TV, 683 00:30:13,779 --> 00:30:14,980 turn down the volume, 684 00:30:14,980 --> 00:30:17,549 pull out your Hank Frankston scratch pad, 685 00:30:17,549 --> 00:30:19,251 and write these bad boys down. 686 00:30:21,820 --> 00:30:22,554 Betamax-- 687 00:30:22,554 --> 00:30:26,124 ...is really just for super serious bakers. 688 00:30:26,124 --> 00:30:29,561 Let me tell you now about the deluxe packaging solution. 689 00:30:29,561 --> 00:30:30,929 - Yes. - Okay, Cheryl, so 690 00:30:30,929 --> 00:30:34,900 this is really for your serious bakers only. 691 00:30:34,900 --> 00:30:35,500 Now, take a look. 692 00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:37,436 Have you ever seen packaging like this? 693 00:30:37,436 --> 00:30:38,303 No, I have not. 694 00:30:38,303 --> 00:30:40,138 And it's absolutely-- the flour is wrapped in there 695 00:30:40,138 --> 00:30:43,141 nice and tight, it is 100 percent, uh, protected 696 00:30:43,141 --> 00:30:44,976 from the elements, and see this right here? 697 00:30:44,976 --> 00:30:46,044 - Uh-huh. - You've got four pieces. 698 00:30:46,044 --> 00:30:47,746 That's-- that's... 699 00:30:47,746 --> 00:30:49,014 genuine parcel tape. 700 00:30:49,014 --> 00:30:51,483 And correct me if I'm wrong, but can this packaging solution 701 00:30:51,483 --> 00:30:53,251 survive up to 100 feet of water? 702 00:30:53,251 --> 00:30:54,119 Is that correct, Tony? 703 00:30:54,119 --> 00:30:55,120 - Tell me the truth. - Cheryl, and I'm just-- 704 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,155 this is just the science, I'm quoting the scientists. 705 00:30:57,155 --> 00:31:01,059 It is Pacific Ocean tested and approved. 706 00:31:03,762 --> 00:31:05,864 And in just one application, you'll be restored 707 00:31:05,864 --> 00:31:08,200 to the full head of hair you enjoyed as a youth. 708 00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,202 Hairs will sprout from your scalp like mushrooms 709 00:31:10,202 --> 00:31:11,236 after a storm. 710 00:31:11,236 --> 00:31:12,738 Fronzly Hair Growth. 711 00:31:12,738 --> 00:31:13,905 You'll get it back. 712 00:31:13,905 --> 00:31:15,173 Side effects may include nausea, growth spurts, 713 00:31:15,173 --> 00:31:16,742 poor decision-making, death, murder, loss of vision, 714 00:31:16,742 --> 00:31:17,843 and illiteracy. 715 00:31:24,116 --> 00:31:25,851 And then, at the talent show... 716 00:31:28,086 --> 00:31:30,989 she did something that, to this day... 717 00:31:32,357 --> 00:31:34,159 I don't fully understand. 718 00:31:34,526 --> 00:31:37,896 And last, but certainly not least... 719 00:31:38,463 --> 00:31:39,698 Rachel! 720 00:31:42,100 --> 00:31:44,636 And then she comes onstage... 721 00:31:45,036 --> 00:31:47,506 with some weird... 722 00:31:47,773 --> 00:31:49,741 freakin' top hat on, right? 723 00:31:49,741 --> 00:31:51,276 Ho! 724 00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:53,545 And then she took out this stick 725 00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:55,046 with a white tip. 726 00:31:55,714 --> 00:31:57,749 Started wavin' it around. 727 00:31:58,083 --> 00:32:01,386 And then this next part, it is so vivid to me, 728 00:32:02,053 --> 00:32:04,189 I remember it like it was yesterday. 729 00:32:04,189 --> 00:32:05,524 And a little... 730 00:32:07,826 --> 00:32:09,227 Hey! 731 00:32:10,061 --> 00:32:12,197 It gives me the chills just thinkin' about it. 732 00:32:13,198 --> 00:32:15,600 People don't do that, people don't have cards... 733 00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,002 in their hat. 734 00:32:17,269 --> 00:32:19,738 For my first trick, I'm going to need a volunteer. 735 00:32:20,438 --> 00:32:21,606 Anyone? 736 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:24,142 Then she said, "I need a volunteer." 737 00:32:26,211 --> 00:32:27,612 "I need a volunteer." 738 00:32:27,612 --> 00:32:29,781 A volunteer. 739 00:32:29,781 --> 00:32:32,984 When you're in your 20s, you feel invincible. 740 00:32:34,219 --> 00:32:36,188 - I'll do it. - Paulina! 741 00:32:36,488 --> 00:32:37,622 Yeah! 742 00:32:38,156 --> 00:32:39,958 Let's give her a hand. 743 00:32:41,693 --> 00:32:44,796 Okay, all I'm gonna need you to do is... 744 00:32:46,198 --> 00:32:47,399 pick a card. 745 00:32:48,834 --> 00:32:50,602 And she says "Pick a card." 746 00:32:51,503 --> 00:32:53,872 - Any card? - Any card. 747 00:32:54,606 --> 00:32:55,774 And I was like... 748 00:32:56,641 --> 00:32:58,944 "Okay, where's this going?" 749 00:32:59,277 --> 00:33:00,846 Now, show the room. 750 00:33:00,846 --> 00:33:04,416 ♪Suspenseful music♪ 751 00:33:04,416 --> 00:33:05,750 Now, I'm not looking. 752 00:33:06,117 --> 00:33:08,820 And when she told Paulina to do all that stuff... 753 00:33:09,855 --> 00:33:11,156 she turned away. 754 00:33:12,891 --> 00:33:14,259 She didn't look at the cards. 755 00:33:15,060 --> 00:33:18,430 She didn't know what card Paulina had picked. 756 00:33:18,430 --> 00:33:21,132 Great, now put it back in the deck. 757 00:33:21,132 --> 00:33:23,735 ♪♪♪ 758 00:33:23,735 --> 00:33:25,804 And with a little bit... 759 00:33:25,804 --> 00:33:27,806 of shuffling... 760 00:33:29,174 --> 00:33:30,542 We're like "Where's the talent? 761 00:33:30,542 --> 00:33:32,677 A lot of people can shuffle." 762 00:33:32,677 --> 00:33:33,979 And... 763 00:33:35,513 --> 00:33:37,682 was this your card? 764 00:33:38,350 --> 00:33:40,318 It's the exact card... 765 00:33:40,318 --> 00:33:43,455 that I had picked out and showed to the audience before. 766 00:33:43,955 --> 00:33:46,091 How did you know what card I picked? 767 00:33:46,091 --> 00:33:47,792 How could she have known? 768 00:33:48,260 --> 00:33:49,628 Have you ever seen a... 769 00:33:50,262 --> 00:33:54,199 magic trick before? 770 00:33:57,168 --> 00:33:58,436 That's when I knew. 771 00:33:59,404 --> 00:34:02,574 When she said that word, "magic." 772 00:34:03,141 --> 00:34:04,809 Are you a witch? 773 00:34:05,844 --> 00:34:07,279 - What? - She's a witch! 774 00:34:07,279 --> 00:34:09,080 They were like, "She's a witch! 775 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:11,216 She's got the Devil workin' for her! 776 00:34:11,216 --> 00:34:12,284 We should kill her!" 777 00:34:14,019 --> 00:34:15,553 So I stood up. 778 00:34:15,553 --> 00:34:16,855 We can't kill her! 779 00:34:16,855 --> 00:34:19,090 You know, e- even if someone is a witch, 780 00:34:19,090 --> 00:34:20,492 you just can't kill 'em. 781 00:34:20,825 --> 00:34:21,126 You know? 782 00:34:21,126 --> 00:34:23,228 I mean, there's-- there's freakin' laws! 783 00:34:24,195 --> 00:34:27,365 I said, "Somebody fill up the bathtub..." 784 00:34:27,365 --> 00:34:30,068 ...and if she sinks, she's not a witch 785 00:34:30,068 --> 00:34:32,237 but if she floats... 786 00:34:33,371 --> 00:34:34,606 "...she's a witch." 787 00:34:36,374 --> 00:34:39,077 I've been thinkin' about this for years 788 00:34:39,544 --> 00:34:41,513 and there's no way she could've seen that card 789 00:34:41,513 --> 00:34:42,714 that Paulina picked. 790 00:34:42,948 --> 00:34:44,349 You just don't shuffle the top. 791 00:34:44,349 --> 00:34:48,320 It's a-- it's a magic trick. 792 00:34:50,288 --> 00:34:51,923 And that's when I knew. 793 00:34:52,590 --> 00:34:53,925 That... 794 00:34:53,925 --> 00:34:57,829 is exactly what a witch would say. 795 00:34:57,829 --> 00:34:59,831 ♪Eerie music♪ 796 00:35:01,099 --> 00:35:02,801 So we set her on fire 797 00:35:02,801 --> 00:35:05,470 and the sorority house burned down with it. 798 00:35:05,937 --> 00:35:10,275 ♪Dark strings♪ 799 00:35:13,645 --> 00:35:14,713 - ...genuinely bipolar. - Okay. 800 00:35:14,713 --> 00:35:16,815 Well, I wasn't that before I met you. 801 00:35:16,815 --> 00:35:18,717 - Okay. - I'm just saying. 802 00:35:18,717 --> 00:35:19,784 That's called "projection." 803 00:35:19,784 --> 00:35:21,820 When you project your problems onto other people, 804 00:35:21,820 --> 00:35:22,721 - it's called "projection." - Well, I don't know. 805 00:35:22,721 --> 00:35:25,023 I'm not a drunk. 806 00:35:25,256 --> 00:35:27,559 Yeah, at least I can... 807 00:35:27,726 --> 00:35:29,327 come without thinking about my mom. 808 00:35:31,363 --> 00:35:32,330 - How much are we charging-- - Go fuck yourse-- 809 00:35:32,764 --> 00:35:33,798 What is that? 810 00:35:34,032 --> 00:35:35,567 Well, this feller... 811 00:35:35,567 --> 00:35:38,870 got in front of my truck this morning and well... 812 00:35:38,870 --> 00:35:40,705 well, when Jesus gives you a lemon, 813 00:35:40,705 --> 00:35:43,208 you gotta skin it and make lemonade. 814 00:35:43,775 --> 00:35:44,776 But first... 815 00:35:45,677 --> 00:35:48,013 you gotta take out the intestines. 816 00:35:49,647 --> 00:35:52,317 Kindly the Cowboy, I think he's still alive. 817 00:35:59,124 --> 00:36:01,626 ♪Dance music♪ 818 00:36:28,319 --> 00:36:29,454 Gshhhp. 819 00:36:34,426 --> 00:36:36,161 - Hey, Mom. - Mm-hm? 820 00:36:37,495 --> 00:36:39,864 So, um, 821 00:36:39,864 --> 00:36:41,933 - I was watching this show-- - Mm-hm. 822 00:36:41,933 --> 00:36:43,468 And it said that... 823 00:36:43,468 --> 00:36:46,137 that there's a haunted sorority house in our town. 824 00:36:46,137 --> 00:36:47,639 Is-- is that true? 825 00:36:47,639 --> 00:36:48,540 Mm-hm. 826 00:36:48,540 --> 00:36:49,908 Yeah, um... 827 00:36:49,908 --> 00:36:51,476 there was a fire there 828 00:36:51,476 --> 00:36:53,578 - and a girl died. - Geez. 829 00:36:53,578 --> 00:36:55,513 Yeah, it was really terrible. 830 00:36:55,513 --> 00:36:58,149 But don't go there, because they say it's haunted. 831 00:36:58,149 --> 00:37:00,251 - Okay. - Yeah, spooky things happen. 832 00:37:00,251 --> 00:37:02,120 Okay, I won't go. 833 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:03,354 All right. 834 00:37:03,354 --> 00:37:06,758 ♪Slow doo-wop music♪ 835 00:37:21,473 --> 00:37:22,574 Okay, Josh. 836 00:37:22,574 --> 00:37:23,608 Tell 'em what we're doing tonight. 837 00:37:23,608 --> 00:37:25,610 Well, Ralph and I have this friend in the ninth grade, 838 00:37:25,610 --> 00:37:26,578 Raul Sambid. 839 00:37:26,578 --> 00:37:29,180 He's 'Zombie Alien Hell 4,' 840 00:37:29,180 --> 00:37:31,649 which is the bloodiest film of all time. 841 00:37:31,649 --> 00:37:33,251 And we're gonna film it! 842 00:37:33,251 --> 00:37:35,353 Yes, like everything lately. 843 00:37:35,353 --> 00:37:36,788 You, you're gonna film it. 844 00:37:36,788 --> 00:37:37,255 Me? 845 00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:38,656 I'm gonna enjoy it. 846 00:37:38,656 --> 00:37:40,592 How scary do you think it's gonna be? 847 00:37:41,593 --> 00:37:42,861 What the heck? 848 00:37:43,228 --> 00:37:43,962 What? 849 00:37:45,630 --> 00:37:47,398 Ralph, is that your dad? 850 00:37:50,335 --> 00:37:52,437 What the... 851 00:37:57,509 --> 00:37:57,976 You know what, Josh? 852 00:37:57,976 --> 00:38:01,179 - We should go no-- - ♪poppy music♪ 853 00:38:44,155 --> 00:38:45,390 Hey, Josh? 854 00:38:45,657 --> 00:38:46,558 Yeah? 855 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:50,028 Do you... 856 00:38:50,028 --> 00:38:52,363 ever want to get married some day? 857 00:38:53,998 --> 00:38:56,100 Uhhh I don't know. 858 00:38:56,100 --> 00:38:56,901 Maybe. 859 00:38:56,901 --> 00:38:59,070 I guess that's what you're supposed to do, right? 860 00:38:59,871 --> 00:39:01,940 Yeah. 861 00:39:02,774 --> 00:39:04,609 Do you wanna ever get married? 862 00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:08,012 Yeah. 863 00:39:13,851 --> 00:39:14,719 Cool. 864 00:39:26,497 --> 00:39:27,765 Ralph, c'mon! 865 00:39:31,769 --> 00:39:34,539 And we set the girl on fire... 866 00:39:34,939 --> 00:39:36,875 and the sorority house... 867 00:39:37,308 --> 00:39:38,176 Burnt! 868 00:39:38,176 --> 00:39:39,210 Down! 869 00:39:39,210 --> 00:39:41,246 With her! 870 00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:43,514 Cool, man. 871 00:39:43,514 --> 00:39:44,582 What do you mean? 872 00:39:44,983 --> 00:39:46,918 Like, do you think they can touch you and kill you? 873 00:39:46,918 --> 00:39:49,020 Or just scare you and kill you? 874 00:39:50,455 --> 00:39:51,189 Hm. 875 00:39:51,623 --> 00:39:54,192 Well, I know for a fact that they cannot 876 00:39:54,192 --> 00:39:56,527 touch you and kill you because they're invisible. 877 00:39:56,728 --> 00:39:58,463 - Womp womp. - Yeah, but... 878 00:39:58,463 --> 00:40:00,231 have you ever seen a ghost? 879 00:40:00,231 --> 00:40:02,033 I mean, I've never seen a ghost, 880 00:40:02,033 --> 00:40:03,968 and if we can get a ghost on camera, 881 00:40:03,968 --> 00:40:05,536 we could become famous. 882 00:40:05,536 --> 00:40:08,172 I can already see the headlines in the newspaper now. 883 00:40:08,172 --> 00:40:11,709 "Two boys find a ghost in haunted sorority house." 884 00:40:11,709 --> 00:40:16,047 ♪Soft music on TV♪ 885 00:40:20,251 --> 00:40:22,854 Welcome back to 'Sleeping with Joan.' 886 00:40:22,854 --> 00:40:25,924 We've had a long day of painting, cooking, 887 00:40:25,924 --> 00:40:28,026 and plumbing with Joan, and I think we've earned 888 00:40:28,026 --> 00:40:29,928 a good night's rest. 889 00:40:29,928 --> 00:40:32,930 I'm ready to shut my eyes and quiet my mind 890 00:40:32,930 --> 00:40:35,733 for the next four to 25 hours. 891 00:40:36,634 --> 00:40:39,637 A good night's sleep starts with a good blanket. 892 00:40:44,108 --> 00:40:47,445 Leave your house and go to your local blanket store. 893 00:40:47,445 --> 00:40:50,214 Once inside, touch every single blanket 894 00:40:50,214 --> 00:40:52,150 until you've found the right one. 895 00:40:52,150 --> 00:40:53,918 If the people working at the blanket store 896 00:40:53,918 --> 00:40:57,255 say you're being too touchy and ask you to leave... 897 00:40:57,255 --> 00:40:59,090 Just buy the last one you touched. 898 00:40:59,090 --> 00:41:00,191 That'll do. 899 00:41:01,893 --> 00:41:03,895 My favorite thing about my sheets 900 00:41:03,895 --> 00:41:05,663 is how loud they are! 901 00:41:06,297 --> 00:41:07,532 Can ya hear that?! 902 00:41:08,599 --> 00:41:10,735 Almost sounds like they're laughing. 903 00:41:10,735 --> 00:41:14,939 ♪♪♪ 904 00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:17,875 Once you have your sheets, 905 00:41:17,875 --> 00:41:21,412 it's time to make sure you have all your bedside accoutrements. 906 00:41:21,412 --> 00:41:24,549 Fresh cat's milk, whiskey, 907 00:41:24,549 --> 00:41:27,485 and a cabinet full of lucky bones and hair, 908 00:41:27,485 --> 00:41:29,721 to keep the night terrors away. 909 00:41:31,122 --> 00:41:34,592 Once you're lying down, it helps to close your eyes, 910 00:41:34,592 --> 00:41:35,893 like this. 911 00:41:36,894 --> 00:41:40,098 One, two, three. 912 00:41:40,098 --> 00:41:41,466 I'm counting up. 913 00:41:41,466 --> 00:41:42,834 It helps. 914 00:41:42,834 --> 00:41:43,768 All right. 915 00:41:44,635 --> 00:41:47,171 Now, it's your turn to fall asleep. 916 00:41:47,538 --> 00:41:48,673 I'll wait. 917 00:42:01,152 --> 00:42:03,154 ♪As long as I'm here...♪ 918 00:42:03,154 --> 00:42:06,824 45 soul-crushing anthems 919 00:42:06,824 --> 00:42:10,661 on a special edition two-disc CD. 920 00:42:13,331 --> 00:42:16,968 Being sad has never sounded this good. 921 00:42:19,003 --> 00:42:19,904 Hi. 922 00:42:20,271 --> 00:42:21,272 Hi. 923 00:42:21,873 --> 00:42:23,007 Look what I got. 924 00:42:23,007 --> 00:42:25,576 We'll make the Soundwall fit your personality. 925 00:42:25,576 --> 00:42:28,279 He bought her this decorative plate. 926 00:42:28,279 --> 00:42:30,481 Wow, that's-- that's a fun story. 927 00:42:30,481 --> 00:42:31,749 Your look at finance. 928 00:42:31,749 --> 00:42:34,018 Our appraisers are friendly and honest. 929 00:42:34,018 --> 00:42:34,986 We give the highest-- 930 00:42:35,486 --> 00:42:37,255 Used to be a man could walk down the street 931 00:42:37,255 --> 00:42:39,390 with his head held high, 932 00:42:39,390 --> 00:42:41,325 earn an honest wage. 933 00:42:41,893 --> 00:42:43,327 Men used to... 934 00:42:43,327 --> 00:42:45,062 build things. 935 00:42:47,165 --> 00:42:49,500 But then, somewhere along the way, 936 00:42:49,767 --> 00:42:51,369 we were invaded! 937 00:42:52,003 --> 00:42:55,106 By a bunch of Berkeley flag-burnin' commie-- 938 00:42:57,408 --> 00:42:59,310 What in tarnation? 939 00:42:59,310 --> 00:43:04,715 ♪Eerie music♪ 940 00:43:11,656 --> 00:43:13,024 Hello, earthling. 941 00:43:13,524 --> 00:43:17,495 We are three sexy aliens from the Drudru planet. 942 00:43:17,495 --> 00:43:18,429 Aliens? 943 00:43:18,429 --> 00:43:20,498 Wh-- on my little farm? 944 00:43:20,498 --> 00:43:22,333 What are y'all doin' here? 945 00:43:22,333 --> 00:43:24,402 Our planet was suffering from civil war 946 00:43:24,402 --> 00:43:26,404 and our lives were in danger. 947 00:43:26,971 --> 00:43:30,107 We've heard America was built by the hands of immigrants, 948 00:43:30,241 --> 00:43:32,210 that you like to help people in need. 949 00:43:32,210 --> 00:43:34,445 And not to mention, you have the nicest cocks 950 00:43:34,445 --> 00:43:36,080 in the universe. 951 00:43:37,014 --> 00:43:38,449 Well... 952 00:43:38,449 --> 00:43:40,218 I don't know if y'all should be here. 953 00:43:40,218 --> 00:43:43,354 We already got a lot of people here already. 954 00:43:45,690 --> 00:43:46,357 What's goin' on? 955 00:43:46,357 --> 00:43:47,892 What's-- what's goin' on with that alien? 956 00:43:47,892 --> 00:43:49,193 What's wrong with them? 957 00:43:49,193 --> 00:43:52,063 Stardust is not acclimated to your Earth air. 958 00:43:52,063 --> 00:43:53,798 She needs to acclimate. 959 00:43:53,798 --> 00:43:54,966 How do you do that? 960 00:43:54,966 --> 00:43:59,971 We have to have lesbian sex and orgasm multiple times. 961 00:43:59,971 --> 00:44:01,539 ♪♪♪ 962 00:44:01,539 --> 00:44:04,075 ♪piano music♪ 963 00:44:04,208 --> 00:44:05,676 I'm surprised, earthling. 964 00:44:05,676 --> 00:44:09,981 It's customary for an Earth male to join in on our lesbian sex. 965 00:44:09,981 --> 00:44:11,649 Oh, no, I- I'm fine. 966 00:44:11,649 --> 00:44:14,552 I just-- I'm actually really glad that she's doin' okay 967 00:44:14,552 --> 00:44:16,721 and that you guys had your lesbian sex. 968 00:44:16,721 --> 00:44:17,722 That was great. 969 00:44:17,722 --> 00:44:19,991 I just, uh, I'm really tired all the time 970 00:44:19,991 --> 00:44:22,960 and I got all my farming equipment that needs to be f-- 971 00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:26,163 farmed and I'm really stressed. 972 00:44:26,163 --> 00:44:27,064 Perhaps we can help. 973 00:44:27,064 --> 00:44:28,933 We are excellent mechanics. 974 00:44:28,933 --> 00:44:31,302 Your farmhouse is over there, right? 975 00:44:31,302 --> 00:44:33,070 We'll go fix your machines. 976 00:44:40,878 --> 00:44:42,313 Oh my God, they fixed my machines. 977 00:44:42,313 --> 00:44:44,582 That was incredible, they really fixed 'em. 978 00:44:44,582 --> 00:44:46,183 My machines are fixed. 979 00:44:46,717 --> 00:44:47,485 We'll be right-- 980 00:44:47,785 --> 00:44:50,721 - Time to steal. - Are you paranoid? 981 00:44:50,721 --> 00:44:52,623 Studies show you might be. 982 00:44:52,623 --> 00:44:55,693 If you're not, then there's a good chance you are. 983 00:44:55,693 --> 00:44:57,595 - Story at 11. - So I just thought, 984 00:44:57,595 --> 00:44:59,730 "Just see what Jimmy-- 985 00:44:59,730 --> 00:45:00,865 Jimmy the Rat's worth," you know? 986 00:45:00,865 --> 00:45:03,768 Well, I'm happy that you brought him in. 987 00:45:03,768 --> 00:45:06,103 Um, it's a cute name, "Jimmy the Rat." 988 00:45:06,103 --> 00:45:07,238 - Look, he's got-- - He's actually a mouse. 989 00:45:07,238 --> 00:45:09,340 - Sure. - I actually, uh, 990 00:45:09,340 --> 00:45:11,509 personally had one of my own. 991 00:45:11,509 --> 00:45:14,812 Uh, I called mine "Joshy," "Joshy Doll." 992 00:45:14,812 --> 00:45:16,113 That's a dumb name. 993 00:45:16,113 --> 00:45:17,515 Who calls me "Joshy Doll?" 994 00:45:17,515 --> 00:45:19,183 I'll s-- I'm gonna slap you bald. 995 00:45:19,183 --> 00:45:20,484 Oh, somebody already did! 996 00:45:21,552 --> 00:45:22,720 - Well, I-- - Whoa! 997 00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:24,388 Hey Jimmy the Rat, you're hilarious, man. 998 00:45:24,388 --> 00:45:27,258 Um, like I said, the condition of it is 999 00:45:27,258 --> 00:45:29,293 something to consider, if I may. 1000 00:45:29,293 --> 00:45:30,628 Um... 1001 00:45:31,762 --> 00:45:34,198 That's interesting, uh, these... 1002 00:45:34,198 --> 00:45:37,401 were usually attached to the cloth, but here, 1003 00:45:37,401 --> 00:45:41,272 someone has put in some wood nubs-- 1004 00:45:41,272 --> 00:45:42,807 Check it, check it, check it out. 1005 00:45:42,807 --> 00:45:45,977 And then nailed it together, which actually, um... 1006 00:45:45,977 --> 00:45:47,011 I'm Jimmy the Rat. 1007 00:45:47,011 --> 00:45:48,613 Jim-- Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy the Rat-- 1008 00:45:48,613 --> 00:45:49,680 W- where are you from? 1009 00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:50,615 - Me? - Yeah. 1010 00:45:50,615 --> 00:45:51,749 Kalamazoo. 1011 00:45:51,749 --> 00:45:52,950 - Really? - Yeah. 1012 00:45:53,217 --> 00:45:54,719 - Irishtown? - Yeah. 1013 00:45:55,519 --> 00:45:56,454 That's interesting. 1014 00:45:56,454 --> 00:45:58,923 Um, I say that because my dad-- 1015 00:45:58,923 --> 00:46:01,692 - Mm-hm. - Um, before he passed, 1016 00:46:01,692 --> 00:46:05,630 put wood nubs in just like this 1017 00:46:05,963 --> 00:46:08,065 to hold the feet on. 1018 00:46:08,065 --> 00:46:13,504 And this kid, kind of a bully kid, Tony, uh, Tony B., 1019 00:46:13,504 --> 00:46:15,439 um, took my doll. 1020 00:46:16,340 --> 00:46:20,444 So it's-- it's kind of crazy that you have this doll. 1021 00:46:20,444 --> 00:46:23,014 Um, where did you-- where did you purchase it? 1022 00:46:24,181 --> 00:46:26,350 I got it at your sleepover, Teddy. 1023 00:46:27,451 --> 00:46:28,719 - You're Tony B? - And I guess I put it in a box. 1024 00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:29,587 Yeah. 1025 00:46:29,787 --> 00:46:31,989 Come on, I'm on TV 18 hours a day. 1026 00:46:31,989 --> 00:46:32,857 You know me. 1027 00:46:32,857 --> 00:46:34,091 I-- I don't watch-- 1028 00:46:34,091 --> 00:46:35,860 - I don't even own a TV. - Wow! 1029 00:46:35,860 --> 00:46:37,528 The people always say that, it's so funny. 1030 00:46:37,528 --> 00:46:38,729 - Yeah. - Fans always love to say, 1031 00:46:38,729 --> 00:46:39,764 ah, they know you, and then they're like, 1032 00:46:39,764 --> 00:46:40,931 "I never watch anything!" 1033 00:46:40,931 --> 00:46:41,866 - But you do. - Well, I know you 1034 00:46:41,866 --> 00:46:43,167 - from childhood. - Yeah, yeah. 1035 00:46:43,167 --> 00:46:45,102 From being a bully and from stealing my doll. 1036 00:46:45,102 --> 00:46:47,538 - Well-- - ♪cheerful music♪ 1037 00:46:49,273 --> 00:46:50,341 ♪upbeat rock music♪ 1038 00:46:50,341 --> 00:46:51,142 ♪Rocks♪ 1039 00:46:52,777 --> 00:46:53,611 ♪Rock♪ 1040 00:46:55,279 --> 00:46:57,682 ♪Rocks♪ 1041 00:46:57,682 --> 00:46:58,149 ♪Ro--♪ 1042 00:47:02,987 --> 00:47:03,988 ♪Rocks♪ 1043 00:47:07,858 --> 00:47:08,592 ♪Rocks♪ 1044 00:47:10,328 --> 00:47:11,162 ♪Rock♪ 1045 00:47:11,929 --> 00:47:14,432 ♪cheerful music♪ 1046 00:47:15,566 --> 00:47:16,834 So how much is it worth? 1047 00:47:17,301 --> 00:47:20,104 Well, uh, in the box, the original box, 1048 00:47:20,104 --> 00:47:22,873 uh, these dolls usually can go for around $500-- 1049 00:47:22,873 --> 00:47:24,141 - Uh-huh. - 400 to 500. 1050 00:47:24,141 --> 00:47:25,976 Because of the disrepair, though-- 1051 00:47:25,976 --> 00:47:26,377 Uh-huh. 1052 00:47:26,377 --> 00:47:29,013 And the-- the, um, poor care that you've given this doll-- 1053 00:47:29,013 --> 00:47:31,315 - Uh-huh. - I would, uh, assume 1054 00:47:31,315 --> 00:47:34,852 that it would go for around 150 to $200. 1055 00:47:34,852 --> 00:47:36,454 I'll take 500, Teddy. 1056 00:47:37,088 --> 00:47:38,756 Um, again, it doesn't have the box. 1057 00:47:38,756 --> 00:47:40,858 Your dead daddy made the feet, I thought. 1058 00:47:40,858 --> 00:47:42,159 Maybe you don't care so it doesn't have 1059 00:47:42,159 --> 00:47:43,794 that kind of sentimental value to you. 1060 00:47:44,628 --> 00:47:47,164 Aw, no, no, don't drop me back in a mold! 1061 00:47:47,164 --> 00:47:48,532 I don't wanna go in a mold! 1062 00:47:50,034 --> 00:47:51,168 Take-- take it. 1063 00:47:51,402 --> 00:47:52,970 If you're so tough, take-- take it. 1064 00:47:53,771 --> 00:47:54,705 650. 1065 00:47:55,473 --> 00:47:57,708 - What? - $650. 1066 00:47:57,708 --> 00:47:59,210 You said $500. 1067 00:47:59,210 --> 00:48:00,745 - It's worth two-- - That was a minute ago. 1068 00:48:00,745 --> 00:48:02,279 We're done negotiating. 1069 00:48:02,279 --> 00:48:03,614 Now, he's my boyfriend. 1070 00:48:04,381 --> 00:48:05,583 Don't you f-- kiss him! 1071 00:48:05,583 --> 00:48:06,317 Don't-- do it. 1072 00:48:06,317 --> 00:48:07,852 Do it, take it. 1073 00:48:07,852 --> 00:48:08,519 Take it. 1074 00:48:09,820 --> 00:48:10,454 Take it. 1075 00:48:12,423 --> 00:48:15,092 ♪Cheerful music♪ 1076 00:48:19,964 --> 00:48:21,699 Are you a hot-blooded American? 1077 00:48:27,138 --> 00:48:29,473 The answer is just around the cor-- 1078 00:48:29,473 --> 00:48:30,708 Okay, aliens. 1079 00:48:30,708 --> 00:48:33,444 I'm gonna drive you into town, where maybe you can get jobs 1080 00:48:33,444 --> 00:48:35,746 as mechanics, 'cause all of our mechanics 1081 00:48:35,746 --> 00:48:37,381 went into the big city. 1082 00:48:37,381 --> 00:48:40,151 But I have to warn you, the sheriff of the town? 1083 00:48:40,151 --> 00:48:42,820 He doesn't like blonde people because 1084 00:48:42,820 --> 00:48:45,389 a Swedish person murdered his best friend. 1085 00:48:45,389 --> 00:48:47,825 Oh no, how bad! 1086 00:48:47,825 --> 00:48:49,360 Not murder! 1087 00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:52,463 But, surely he can't think that all Swedish people 1088 00:48:52,463 --> 00:48:54,298 with blonde hair are bad. 1089 00:48:54,298 --> 00:48:57,234 Don't people with brown hair kill people all the time? 1090 00:48:57,234 --> 00:48:58,369 Why aren't they banned? 1091 00:48:58,369 --> 00:48:59,670 That's a good question. 1092 00:48:59,670 --> 00:49:02,273 That's a good question that we should explore. 1093 00:49:02,273 --> 00:49:03,607 Is that a smoke? 1094 00:49:03,607 --> 00:49:04,842 What's that smoke? 1095 00:49:04,842 --> 00:49:05,543 Oh no! 1096 00:49:05,543 --> 00:49:06,877 The car's breakin' down. 1097 00:49:06,877 --> 00:49:08,913 - Aw, God. - Oh no! 1098 00:49:08,913 --> 00:49:09,847 What's that smoke? 1099 00:49:09,847 --> 00:49:12,116 There's smoke comin' out of the hood. 1100 00:49:12,116 --> 00:49:13,818 What's goin' on with this car? 1101 00:49:13,818 --> 00:49:14,618 Look! 1102 00:49:14,618 --> 00:49:16,687 An Earth mechanic shop! 1103 00:49:16,687 --> 00:49:19,290 ♪Country guitar♪ 1104 00:49:27,064 --> 00:49:28,732 - Hey, sir. - Hey. 1105 00:49:29,033 --> 00:49:31,435 Could we get some greasy oil for this car? 1106 00:49:31,435 --> 00:49:33,604 What seems to be the problem? 1107 00:49:35,940 --> 00:49:37,174 I fixed your car. 1108 00:49:37,174 --> 00:49:38,976 All right, what's goin' on here? 1109 00:49:38,976 --> 00:49:41,345 Do y'all have a work permit to work? 1110 00:49:41,345 --> 00:49:42,913 Sheriff Cocker, wait. 1111 00:49:42,913 --> 00:49:45,049 These girls immigrated from outer space. 1112 00:49:45,049 --> 00:49:48,419 They can all do the jobs regular Americans don't wanna do 1113 00:49:48,419 --> 00:49:49,453 or can't do. 1114 00:49:49,453 --> 00:49:51,088 Wait a second. 1115 00:49:51,088 --> 00:49:54,758 Are you all sexy illegal Swedish aliens from space? 1116 00:49:54,758 --> 00:49:55,326 Huh! 1117 00:49:55,326 --> 00:49:56,093 That's it. 1118 00:49:56,093 --> 00:49:57,628 Everyone's goin' to jail! 1119 00:49:57,628 --> 00:49:59,897 ♪Country guitar♪ 1120 00:50:01,065 --> 00:50:03,133 We need the key, which... 1121 00:50:03,133 --> 00:50:04,702 we don't have a key. 1122 00:50:05,469 --> 00:50:06,904 Fara, you're forgetting. 1123 00:50:07,738 --> 00:50:11,976 Our mouths can shape a key out of any long... 1124 00:50:11,976 --> 00:50:14,445 hard... 1125 00:50:14,445 --> 00:50:16,180 object. 1126 00:50:16,180 --> 00:50:18,315 That's a power we have. 1127 00:50:18,315 --> 00:50:21,085 And we just need a long, hard object 1128 00:50:21,085 --> 00:50:23,654 to make a key with with our mouths. 1129 00:50:26,056 --> 00:50:28,792 Oh... gross, girls... 1130 00:50:28,792 --> 00:50:33,764 I-- I'm a married man who loves my wife. 1131 00:50:33,764 --> 00:50:37,001 I've loved her since the moment I saw her 1132 00:50:37,001 --> 00:50:38,869 at our high school dance. 1133 00:50:38,869 --> 00:50:42,072 She was wearing a beautiful summer dress 1134 00:50:43,173 --> 00:50:46,076 and she had flowers on it. 1135 00:50:46,443 --> 00:50:50,114 And she smelled like plums and... 1136 00:50:50,114 --> 00:50:53,417 sometimes in life, things change and y-- 1137 00:50:53,417 --> 00:50:58,088 you can't always be attracted to the partner that you are with. 1138 00:50:58,756 --> 00:50:59,623 We did it. 1139 00:50:59,623 --> 00:51:00,791 Let's get outta here. 1140 00:51:00,791 --> 00:51:03,494 ♪Triumphant music♪ 1141 00:51:03,494 --> 00:51:06,096 But I love me some KC and the Sunshine Band. 1142 00:51:06,096 --> 00:51:08,265 I know Natalie 'cause, uh, she work-- 1143 00:51:08,265 --> 00:51:11,101 uh, I work at the video store and she comes by and... 1144 00:51:11,101 --> 00:51:14,872 uh, rents some videos, so that how I, uh... 1145 00:51:16,540 --> 00:51:18,042 So, uh... 1146 00:51:19,443 --> 00:51:20,744 what's up? 1147 00:51:21,378 --> 00:51:22,713 Well-- well... 1148 00:51:24,114 --> 00:51:26,483 Um, today is a very interesting day. 1149 00:51:26,483 --> 00:51:31,055 Um, Venus is making its inferior conjunction with Planet Earth. 1150 00:51:31,355 --> 00:51:32,323 Oh, uh, really? 1151 00:51:32,323 --> 00:51:33,824 Is this Natalie? 1152 00:51:33,824 --> 00:51:35,025 The Natalie? 1153 00:51:35,693 --> 00:51:38,762 Uh, my mom, uh, just takes random pictures 1154 00:51:38,762 --> 00:51:40,197 of people in my show 1155 00:51:40,197 --> 00:51:43,133 - so don't pay attention. - Well, she's not random, honey. 1156 00:51:43,133 --> 00:51:44,902 Grace, you're embarrassing our little girl. 1157 00:51:44,902 --> 00:51:46,737 Hey, why don't I, uh, play a song? 1158 00:51:46,737 --> 00:51:48,138 I mean, your parents are obviously 1159 00:51:48,138 --> 00:51:49,807 - making you uncomfortable. - Okay, she's gonna play a song. 1160 00:51:57,681 --> 00:51:59,984 ♪"Generation Why" by Weyes Blood♪ 1161 00:52:21,772 --> 00:52:26,777 ♪Goin' to see the end of days♪ 1162 00:52:29,079 --> 00:52:34,084 ♪I've been hangin' on my phone all day♪ 1163 00:52:38,055 --> 00:52:43,060 ♪When the fear goes away♪ 1164 00:52:45,996 --> 00:52:50,367 ♪I might not need to stay♪ 1165 00:52:53,370 --> 00:52:55,706 ♪On this sinking ship♪ 1166 00:52:57,374 --> 00:52:58,742 ♪For long♪ 1167 00:53:02,346 --> 00:53:05,816 ♪I can give it away everyday♪ 1168 00:53:07,317 --> 00:53:10,220 ♪I can fly♪ 1169 00:53:10,220 --> 00:53:14,391 ♪And spend all my seconds♪ 1170 00:53:14,391 --> 00:53:19,163 ♪Like they're my last♪ 1171 00:53:20,130 --> 00:53:25,102 ♪It's not the past♪ 1172 00:53:30,007 --> 00:53:33,243 ♪That scares me♪ 1173 00:53:38,048 --> 00:53:43,053 ♪Now, what a great future this is gonna be♪ 1174 00:53:48,959 --> 00:53:53,964 ♪Y-O-L-O♪ 1175 00:53:57,634 --> 00:54:02,506 ♪Why?♪ 1176 00:54:06,210 --> 00:54:11,215 ♪Y-O-L-O♪ 1177 00:54:14,785 --> 00:54:19,790 ♪Why?♪ 1178 00:54:23,427 --> 00:54:27,197 ♪Used to think it was bad♪ 1179 00:54:27,197 --> 00:54:31,368 ♪That we were all going mad♪ 1180 00:54:31,368 --> 00:54:36,373 ♪But now it's time to leave♪ 1181 00:54:40,144 --> 00:54:45,149 ♪Goodbye those old things♪ 1182 00:54:49,119 --> 00:54:54,124 ♪Carry me through the waves of change♪ 1183 00:55:00,831 --> 00:55:05,836 ♪Carry me through the waves of change♪ 1184 00:55:13,043 --> 00:55:17,247 ♪I know my place♪ 1185 00:55:18,115 --> 00:55:23,120 ♪It's a beautiful thing♪ 1186 00:55:28,659 --> 00:55:33,664 ♪Now♪ 1187 00:55:37,434 --> 00:55:42,439 ♪♪♪ 1188 00:55:53,250 --> 00:55:55,886 ♪Y-O--♪ 1189 00:55:55,886 --> 00:55:57,421 Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot! 1190 00:55:57,421 --> 00:55:58,455 No, no, no! 1191 00:55:59,923 --> 00:56:00,924 Aw, crap! 1192 00:56:02,593 --> 00:56:06,530 ♪Slow jazzy music♪ 1193 00:56:13,804 --> 00:56:14,771 - ...for the camera? - I just did it! 1194 00:56:14,771 --> 00:56:15,305 It's over! 1195 00:56:15,305 --> 00:56:17,040 - The moment's gone. - Aw, man. 1196 00:56:18,742 --> 00:56:20,177 But we should go soon. 1197 00:56:20,177 --> 00:56:21,612 Uh, are you coming with us? 1198 00:56:21,612 --> 00:56:22,546 No. 1199 00:56:22,546 --> 00:56:23,847 I'm going to the movies. 1200 00:56:25,415 --> 00:56:26,283 All right. 1201 00:56:26,283 --> 00:56:27,384 - You ready? - Mm-hm. 1202 00:56:27,384 --> 00:56:28,118 'Kay. 1203 00:56:35,158 --> 00:56:36,360 You getting some good stuff? 1204 00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:37,861 - Uh-huh. - Mm-hm. 1205 00:57:01,118 --> 00:57:02,185 Gimme that thing. 1206 00:57:02,185 --> 00:57:04,288 - Huh? - The camera. 1207 00:57:29,246 --> 00:57:34,251 ♪Chords on keyboard♪ 1208 00:57:47,531 --> 00:57:49,599 - Ralphie! - Y- yeah? 1209 00:57:49,599 --> 00:57:50,734 Sounds great, buddy. 1210 00:57:50,734 --> 00:57:52,202 - Thank you. - You've been practicin'. 1211 00:57:52,536 --> 00:57:54,571 Uh, just-- just a song I made. 1212 00:57:54,571 --> 00:57:55,372 You made it up? 1213 00:57:55,372 --> 00:57:56,540 - Yeah. - Cool. 1214 00:57:57,407 --> 00:57:58,475 Well, we're gonna go. 1215 00:57:58,475 --> 00:57:59,476 - Okay. - Okay? 1216 00:57:59,476 --> 00:58:00,410 Keep workin' on it, bud. 1217 00:58:00,410 --> 00:58:01,778 - I will. - You all right? 1218 00:58:01,778 --> 00:58:03,113 - Yeah. - Okay. 1219 00:58:03,714 --> 00:58:05,415 - We'll see ya later. - Bye. 1220 00:58:06,316 --> 00:58:10,420 ♪Slow jazzy music♪ 1221 00:58:10,420 --> 00:58:12,089 Okay, so if you find this video, 1222 00:58:12,089 --> 00:58:14,624 - we're-- - We are probably dead. 1223 00:58:14,624 --> 00:58:15,592 - Yes. - We're going to 1224 00:58:15,592 --> 00:58:17,894 - a sorority house-- - That's haunted! 1225 00:58:17,894 --> 00:58:19,696 Probably haunted. 1226 00:58:19,696 --> 00:58:21,832 But I just hope we don't die. 1227 00:58:23,166 --> 00:58:24,568 Yeah, like I said, if you're watching this, 1228 00:58:24,568 --> 00:58:25,402 we're dead. 1229 00:58:30,540 --> 00:58:31,575 This day has been the most-- 1230 00:58:41,685 --> 00:58:43,520 Spooky. 1231 00:58:45,155 --> 00:58:47,057 This is so creepy. 1232 00:59:19,856 --> 00:59:21,825 No, no, no, no, no. 1233 00:59:22,726 --> 00:59:23,660 Bless you. 1234 00:59:30,066 --> 00:59:32,235 Ugh, I don't like it here. 1235 00:59:36,773 --> 00:59:38,408 This room is creepy. 1236 00:59:39,509 --> 00:59:40,310 Yeah. 1237 00:59:42,813 --> 00:59:46,716 Hey, tell the-- tell the people where we are. 1238 00:59:46,716 --> 00:59:48,685 Looks like... 1239 00:59:49,786 --> 00:59:51,655 Beta Z. 1240 00:59:53,390 --> 00:59:57,127 This is the piano that that girl played in the talent show, 1241 00:59:57,127 --> 00:59:58,628 right before they burned that other one 1242 00:59:58,628 --> 01:00:00,197 to the stake on the lawn. 1243 01:00:00,197 --> 01:00:02,766 That's why this house looks so burnt. 1244 01:00:02,766 --> 01:00:04,801 Like, how creepy would it be 1245 01:00:04,801 --> 01:00:06,403 if you were sleeping in your bed, 1246 01:00:06,403 --> 01:00:07,671 in the middle of the night, 1247 01:00:07,671 --> 01:00:09,473 and you heard this... 1248 01:00:09,473 --> 01:00:11,274 ♪plinks on piano♪ 1249 01:00:11,274 --> 01:00:12,809 It's creepy, right? 1250 01:00:12,809 --> 01:00:15,412 - Yeh, let's-- let's-- - ♪♪♪ 1251 01:00:15,412 --> 01:00:16,713 Dude, stop! 1252 01:00:16,947 --> 01:00:18,415 You're creeping me out. 1253 01:00:22,385 --> 01:00:23,453 ♪Plinks on piano♪ 1254 01:00:23,453 --> 01:00:24,621 What was that? 1255 01:00:40,670 --> 01:00:43,206 - Oh, my God. - Ralph, where are you?! 1256 01:00:43,206 --> 01:00:44,074 I'm right here! 1257 01:00:44,074 --> 01:00:46,610 Ralph, this way! 1258 01:00:46,610 --> 01:00:48,812 Ralph, run! 1259 01:00:55,051 --> 01:00:57,153 Ralph! 1260 01:00:57,153 --> 01:00:58,722 ♪Eerie music♪ 1261 01:00:58,722 --> 01:00:59,823 Ralph! 1262 01:00:59,823 --> 01:01:03,460 ♪♪♪ 1263 01:01:05,128 --> 01:01:05,762 What are you doing?! 1264 01:01:05,762 --> 01:01:06,196 Come on! 1265 01:01:06,196 --> 01:01:07,797 - Let's go! - No! 1266 01:01:09,566 --> 01:01:11,334 - Ralph! - I think... 1267 01:01:11,334 --> 01:01:13,637 I have to plug it in. 1268 01:01:35,025 --> 01:01:36,793 What's that music? 1269 01:01:38,361 --> 01:01:40,330 - What is this place? - A friend of your wife's. 1270 01:01:40,330 --> 01:01:41,531 What was her name, Claire-- 1271 01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:42,465 Shut up! 1272 01:01:42,465 --> 01:01:43,733 She's gonna see this! 1273 01:01:43,733 --> 01:01:44,768 David... 1274 01:01:45,302 --> 01:01:46,002 Dad? 1275 01:01:46,002 --> 01:01:47,270 - Excuse me? - What are you doing here? 1276 01:01:47,270 --> 01:01:48,038 It's my wedding. 1277 01:01:48,038 --> 01:01:49,072 I gotta go. 1278 01:01:55,645 --> 01:01:56,580 Lou? 1279 01:01:57,047 --> 01:01:58,982 Are you a hot-blooded American? 1280 01:01:58,982 --> 01:02:00,684 Do you like bloody-hot meats? 1281 01:02:00,684 --> 01:02:01,651 No, I'm-- I'm good. 1282 01:02:01,651 --> 01:02:03,053 - Hey, Ralph. - Hey, Ralph. 1283 01:02:03,053 --> 01:02:03,820 Sonny! 1284 01:02:03,820 --> 01:02:05,155 Sonny, over here! 1285 01:02:05,155 --> 01:02:06,790 - Are you lost? - What? 1286 01:02:06,790 --> 01:02:08,391 Who are you with, huh? 1287 01:02:08,391 --> 01:02:09,259 Who are you with? 1288 01:02:09,259 --> 01:02:10,994 Are you with us or against us? 1289 01:02:10,994 --> 01:02:12,395 - Just 'cause -- - Rita? 1290 01:02:12,395 --> 01:02:14,864 - Hi, Ralph. - What's going on? 1291 01:02:15,565 --> 01:02:16,032 What's up? 1292 01:02:16,032 --> 01:02:17,934 I got wood delivery. 1293 01:02:18,368 --> 01:02:19,269 Mom! 1294 01:02:19,269 --> 01:02:20,337 - Dad! - Every time we go out, 1295 01:02:20,337 --> 01:02:21,671 - you have a problem! - Hey! 1296 01:02:21,671 --> 01:02:23,306 Are you a hot-blooded American? 1297 01:02:23,306 --> 01:02:25,308 Do you like bloody-hot meats? 1298 01:02:25,308 --> 01:02:26,743 Mom! 1299 01:02:26,743 --> 01:02:28,812 What about the human spirit? 1300 01:02:28,812 --> 01:02:31,581 And we have some breaking news. 1301 01:02:31,581 --> 01:02:33,516 We are living in a simulation. 1302 01:02:33,516 --> 01:02:34,684 Let's go live. 1303 01:02:35,285 --> 01:02:37,454 Thank you all for coming. 1304 01:02:37,454 --> 01:02:40,824 I've been asked to speak at many weddings, 1305 01:02:40,824 --> 01:02:44,527 probably more times than I've been married myself. 1306 01:02:46,696 --> 01:02:48,798 , You know me. 1307 01:02:55,472 --> 01:02:56,139 God! 1308 01:02:56,873 --> 01:02:59,676 I-- I've been poisoned! 1309 01:03:00,110 --> 01:03:01,044 You! 1310 01:03:01,044 --> 01:03:02,212 Joan! 1311 01:03:02,212 --> 01:03:03,947 You have betrayed me! 1312 01:03:05,081 --> 01:03:07,917 Welcome back to Poisoning with Joan. 1313 01:03:07,917 --> 01:03:09,519 She's a witch! 1314 01:03:11,388 --> 01:03:12,088 Run! 1315 01:03:12,088 --> 01:03:13,223 Run! 1316 01:03:15,859 --> 01:03:20,864 ♪Slow country music♪ 1317 01:03:31,207 --> 01:03:32,409 Ralphie? 1318 01:03:33,009 --> 01:03:34,444 Did you hear that? 1319 01:03:34,611 --> 01:03:35,945 Let's go check it out. 1320 01:03:35,945 --> 01:03:37,247 Don't go, don't go. 1321 01:03:37,247 --> 01:03:37,981 Why? 1322 01:03:37,981 --> 01:03:40,650 ♪♪♪ 1323 01:03:40,650 --> 01:03:42,519 - Mom? - Hey, Ralphie. 1324 01:03:44,721 --> 01:03:47,323 You know you're recording over our wedding tape. 1325 01:03:49,292 --> 01:03:51,194 Did you know he was late? 1326 01:03:52,429 --> 01:03:54,964 How can you be late for your own wedding? 1327 01:03:56,399 --> 01:03:58,468 If anyone's gonna be late, it should be me. 1328 01:04:01,204 --> 01:04:03,106 It was a disaster anyway. 1329 01:04:05,775 --> 01:04:09,145 Your uncle punched your grandfather in the face, 1330 01:04:09,145 --> 01:04:11,314 and my best friend had an allergic reaction 1331 01:04:11,314 --> 01:04:12,716 and almost died. 1332 01:04:13,616 --> 01:04:15,885 And your dad didn't help with any of it. 1333 01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:19,089 Why'd you marry him? 1334 01:04:21,991 --> 01:04:23,827 That's a personal question. 1335 01:04:24,594 --> 01:04:25,862 It's just... 1336 01:04:26,629 --> 01:04:29,466 maybe you'll forget or never tell me. 1337 01:04:30,133 --> 01:04:30,900 And... 1338 01:04:30,900 --> 01:04:33,870 I would like to know while we have a fresh start. 1339 01:04:33,870 --> 01:04:37,273 ♪♪♪ 1340 01:04:37,273 --> 01:04:40,944 Before your father got there, I remember... 1341 01:04:41,511 --> 01:04:43,613 I walked outside of the church 1342 01:04:43,613 --> 01:04:46,883 and there was this beautiful orange tree. 1343 01:04:49,252 --> 01:04:52,489 And I remember there was a breeze and... 1344 01:04:53,256 --> 01:04:55,992 the smell was amazing. 1345 01:04:58,228 --> 01:05:01,498 And in that moment, I forgot about everything. 1346 01:05:02,065 --> 01:05:04,334 I didn't care that your dad was late 1347 01:05:04,334 --> 01:05:06,302 or that my shoes were too tight 1348 01:05:06,302 --> 01:05:08,438 or that my sister was already drunk. 1349 01:05:11,241 --> 01:05:14,410 All I wanted was for him to be there to share it with me. 1350 01:05:14,410 --> 01:05:17,547 ♪♪♪ 1351 01:05:17,547 --> 01:05:19,249 He would've made it better. 1352 01:05:22,852 --> 01:05:25,121 And that's what I remember from my wedding. 1353 01:05:27,323 --> 01:05:30,260 It's the only important part of that day. 1354 01:05:31,561 --> 01:05:32,695 Not the tape. 1355 01:05:35,732 --> 01:05:38,635 This video, this recording... 1356 01:05:40,170 --> 01:05:42,939 it's just a smudge on magnetic strip. 1357 01:05:43,873 --> 01:05:45,041 Go home, Ralph. 1358 01:05:49,879 --> 01:05:51,714 Run, run, run! 1359 01:06:04,394 --> 01:06:06,329 I think we're onto something. 1360 01:06:06,329 --> 01:06:11,334 ♪"Flamingo" by Fruit Bats♪ 1361 01:06:11,734 --> 01:06:16,739 ♪The place where I was born is a vague memory♪ 1362 01:06:23,179 --> 01:06:28,184 ♪Like the flakes in the snow of a broke-down TV♪ 1363 01:06:35,558 --> 01:06:40,563 ♪It could be in the big city or in a beautiful dell♪ 1364 01:06:43,600 --> 01:06:47,604 ♪♪♪ 1365 01:06:47,604 --> 01:06:52,609 ♪With a red corn silo or a broken church bell♪ 1366 01:06:54,844 --> 01:06:58,014 ♪♪♪ 1367 01:06:58,014 --> 01:07:00,850 ♪Here we go again♪ 1368 01:07:00,850 --> 01:07:04,821 ♪♪♪ 1369 01:07:23,539 --> 01:07:26,142 ♪Well, the girls would all be pretty♪ 1370 01:07:26,142 --> 01:07:29,545 ♪And the men quiet and strong♪ 1371 01:07:29,545 --> 01:07:32,882 ♪♪♪ 1372 01:07:35,485 --> 01:07:38,187 ♪And the autumn is beautiful♪ 1373 01:07:38,187 --> 01:07:41,157 ♪And the summer not too long♪ 1374 01:07:41,491 --> 01:07:44,427 ♪♪♪ 1375 01:07:46,996 --> 01:07:50,333 ♪Rains of May would come a-pourin' ♪ 1376 01:07:50,333 --> 01:07:53,903 ♪Like the Genesis flood♪ 1377 01:07:53,903 --> 01:07:57,573 ♪♪♪ 1378 01:07:59,542 --> 01:08:04,414 ♪Left the old pink flamingo face down in the mud♪ 1379 01:08:06,482 --> 01:08:08,651 ♪♪♪ 1380 01:08:10,219 --> 01:08:12,789 ♪Here we go again♪ 1381 01:08:14,123 --> 01:08:17,360 ♪♪♪ 1382 01:08:23,333 --> 01:08:28,338 ♪Well, the last thing I'll do before I call it quits♪ 1383 01:08:29,839 --> 01:08:34,544 ♪Is probably dream just a little bit♪ 1384 01:08:35,878 --> 01:08:40,883 ♪But nothin' too hard on my sweet fadin' mind♪ 1385 01:08:41,985 --> 01:08:44,487 ♪'Cause everything, everything's♪ 1386 01:08:44,487 --> 01:08:48,091 ♪Gonna be just fine♪ 1387 01:08:48,091 --> 01:08:50,760 ♪But everything, everything's♪ 1388 01:08:50,760 --> 01:08:54,130 ♪Gonna be just fine♪ 1389 01:08:54,130 --> 01:09:00,136 ♪Everything, everything's gonna be just fine♪ 1390 01:09:00,136 --> 01:09:05,141 ♪And everything, everything's gonna be just fine♪ 1391 01:09:06,576 --> 01:09:11,581 ♪Everything, everything's gonna be just fine♪ 1392 01:09:11,748 --> 01:09:16,753 ♪♪♪ 1393 01:09:22,525 --> 01:09:23,326 ♪Whoo♪ 1394 01:09:24,460 --> 01:09:28,998 ♪♪♪ 1395 01:09:44,213 --> 01:09:46,315 So, I'm guess this is the end of our movie 1396 01:09:46,315 --> 01:09:48,985 - and it was too intense-- - Pretty crazy, intense, 1397 01:09:48,985 --> 01:09:49,719 - scary. - Scary. 1398 01:09:49,719 --> 01:09:50,753 We can't do this anymore. 1399 01:09:50,753 --> 01:09:51,888 I mean, just... 1400 01:09:51,888 --> 01:09:52,889 What do you wanna do? 1401 01:09:52,889 --> 01:09:54,290 I don't know, play music? 1402 01:09:54,290 --> 01:09:55,758 Sure, let's go. 1403 01:09:55,758 --> 01:10:00,763 ♪"Babyyy" by Grace Ives♪ 1404 01:10:10,039 --> 01:10:14,177 ♪You were deep in the dark♪ ♪I'm a shape in the dark♪ 1405 01:10:14,177 --> 01:10:15,711 ♪Pining for you♪ 1406 01:10:16,746 --> 01:10:19,615 ♪I talk a lot♪ ♪Never stay in one spot♪ 1407 01:10:19,615 --> 01:10:22,552 ♪You know I'm rooting for you♪ 1408 01:10:23,786 --> 01:10:27,190 ♪Mm-hm playing that song about you♪ 1409 01:10:30,727 --> 01:10:34,263 ♪They keep playing that song about you♪ 1410 01:10:37,667 --> 01:10:42,672 ♪♪♪ 1411 01:10:57,653 --> 01:11:01,157 ♪I have been dancing♪ ♪You are romancing♪ 1412 01:11:01,157 --> 01:11:04,594 ♪I caught a glance and♪ ♪Found you in a trance and♪ 1413 01:11:04,594 --> 01:11:08,097 ♪Thought this wouldn't phase me♪ ♪Now you call her baby♪ 1414 01:11:08,097 --> 01:11:11,567 ♪I'm scared you don't see me♪ ♪Now I just feel crazy♪ 1415 01:11:11,567 --> 01:11:13,236 ♪Think that I'll go home♪ 1416 01:11:13,236 --> 01:11:18,241 ♪♪♪ 1417 01:11:26,349 --> 01:11:29,218 ♪Dancin'♪ ♪You are romancin'♪ 1418 01:11:29,218 --> 01:11:32,455 ♪I caught a glance and♪ ♪Found you in a trance and♪ 1419 01:11:32,455 --> 01:11:36,058 ♪Thought this wouldn't phase me♪ ♪You call her baby♪ 1420 01:11:36,058 --> 01:11:39,495 ♪I'm scared you don't see me♪ ♪Now I just feel crazy♪ 1421 01:11:46,435 --> 01:11:48,137 It's a... 1422 01:11:48,704 --> 01:11:50,139 hot winter? 89989

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.