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1
00:00:00,826 --> 00:00:02,915
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:06,223
Hey, guys.
3
00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:13,839
Guess what?
4
00:00:13,926 --> 00:00:15,841
I got a new job today.
5
00:00:15,928 --> 00:00:17,887
That's great. What is it?
6
00:00:17,974 --> 00:00:20,585
Well, I figured it was time
to stop thinking about myself
7
00:00:20,672 --> 00:00:22,674
and get a job
where I could serve others.
8
00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:24,850
You know,
answer to a higher calling.
9
00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:26,722
You're becoming a priest?
10
00:00:28,071 --> 00:00:29,986
Close. A talent agent.
11
00:00:31,727 --> 00:00:34,121
A talent agent? Tsk.
12
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:35,818
Who in their right mind
will let you
13
00:00:35,905 --> 00:00:38,342
handle their career?
14
00:00:38,429 --> 00:00:41,302
Well, so far just you, but..
15
00:00:43,478 --> 00:00:45,828
I've got calls into
Lucy Lawless, Pamela Anderson
16
00:00:45,915 --> 00:00:48,483
and that big chick with
all the makeup on "Drew Carey."
17
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:53,270
Whoa, swifty,
hey, back up the limo.
18
00:00:53,357 --> 00:00:56,012
What makes you think
I want you to be my agent?
19
00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:58,014
[scoffs]
Oh, well, nothing,
just the fact that
20
00:00:58,101 --> 00:00:59,842
I've already landed
you an acting job.
21
00:01:01,496 --> 00:01:03,237
Get out.
22
00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:04,542
Al, I'm serious.
23
00:01:04,629 --> 00:01:06,153
I got you the perfect vehicle
to follow up
24
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,415
that little movie role you did.
25
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:08,459
How would you like to start
26
00:01:08,546 --> 00:01:10,113
in a suntan lotion commercial
27
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,723
for VX Productions
shooting tomorrow
28
00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:13,203
in Milwaukee?
29
00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:15,379
Well, tomorrow?
Uh, forget it.
30
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:17,120
I'm auditioning
for "Romeo And Juliet"
31
00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:18,991
at the Port Washington
little theater.
32
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,906
I mean, this is my big chance
to try Shakespeare.
33
00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:23,822
Shakespeare? That hack?
34
00:01:23,909 --> 00:01:25,520
He don't even write
good English.
35
00:01:27,783 --> 00:01:29,611
I cannot believe
you would rather work
36
00:01:29,698 --> 00:01:32,831
at the butt-scratch playhouse..
37
00:01:32,918 --> 00:01:34,355
...than star in a commercial
that'll be seen
38
00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:35,704
by millions of people.
39
00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,488
And, did I forget to mention
40
00:01:37,575 --> 00:01:38,794
earn you 200 bucks?
41
00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:41,927
- Wow, $200?
- Yeah.
42
00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:44,713
And more importantly, it could
be your next step to stardom.
43
00:01:46,367 --> 00:01:50,197
Well, I guess I could
do Shakespeare another time.
44
00:01:50,284 --> 00:01:52,503
And a commercial
would be kinda fun.
45
00:01:52,590 --> 00:01:54,375
Alright. Okay, I'll do it.
46
00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:56,551
Yes! Oh, this is so awesome.
That's great.
47
00:01:56,638 --> 00:01:57,595
Oh, now I gotta go fire Rich.
48
00:01:57,682 --> 00:01:58,901
The Sheboygan dinner theater
49
00:01:58,988 --> 00:02:00,337
is doing "Snow White
And The Seven Dwarfs."
50
00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:03,297
That kid was born to play Dopey.
51
00:02:03,384 --> 00:02:05,037
[instrumental music]
52
00:02:05,821 --> 00:02:08,432
[theme music]
53
00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:10,478
♪ Step by step ♪
54
00:02:10,565 --> 00:02:12,349
♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪
55
00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:14,134
♪ A fresh start over ♪
56
00:02:14,221 --> 00:02:16,136
♪ A different hand to play ♪
57
00:02:16,223 --> 00:02:20,401
♪ Deeper we fall
the stronger we stay ♪
58
00:02:20,488 --> 00:02:22,359
♪ We'll make it better ♪
59
00:02:22,446 --> 00:02:25,145
♪ Second time around ♪♪
60
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:39,594
[instrumental music]
61
00:02:46,905 --> 00:02:49,647
Oh, man, I am starved.
62
00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:51,345
Any of you guys
find any junk food yet?
63
00:02:51,432 --> 00:02:53,695
No. We're even out
of Gummy Bears.
64
00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:57,699
- Man, this bites.
- Yeah, well, don't worry, guys.
65
00:02:57,786 --> 00:03:00,180
Carol will be back from
the supermarket pretty soon.
66
00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:01,877
Man, there's not even
any chocolate syrup.
67
00:03:01,964 --> 00:03:04,880
What kind of a hellish
nightmare is this?
68
00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:06,316
You guys,
can you give me a hand?
69
00:03:06,403 --> 00:03:09,276
[all clamoring]
70
00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:14,759
Oh, boy, honey, am I glad
you're back from the store.
71
00:03:14,846 --> 00:03:17,153
You know, the, the kids were
gettin' just starved here.
72
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,415
And you know what
junk-food junkies they are.
73
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,200
And where aremy Twinkies?
74
00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:24,160
Wheatgrass cookies?
75
00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:26,815
Beet juice? Rice cream?
76
00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:29,252
Hey, mom, bad news.
77
00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,646
You must've taken some
hippie's groceries by mistake.
78
00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:35,040
Nope, those are our groceries.
79
00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:38,827
Alright, honey,
what's going on here?
80
00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:41,830
Well, Dana and I just finished
a nutrition seminar
81
00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:43,179
at the Wellness Center.
82
00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:44,572
Aw, geez.
83
00:03:47,444 --> 00:03:49,968
That's right, people, from now
on this family will be eating
84
00:03:50,055 --> 00:03:51,927
only healthy foods
that come from
85
00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:54,277
the bosom of Mother Earth.
86
00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:57,062
No more processed sugar
and fast foods
87
00:03:57,149 --> 00:04:01,937
and hormone-laced meat
will be absolutely forbidden.
88
00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:03,678
- Yay, Gummy Bears.
- 'No, Lilly.'
89
00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:04,983
Those aren't
Gummy Bears, they're..
90
00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:07,159
Yuck. These are gross.
91
00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:09,423
Seaweed bears.
92
00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:15,559
It's gonna take a little
getting used to, I know that.
93
00:04:15,646 --> 00:04:17,735
But I think
if we just give it a chance
94
00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:20,129
we'll learn to really enjoy it
and we'll live longer.
95
00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:23,654
If I have to eat seaweed,
I'm not sure I want to.
96
00:04:23,741 --> 00:04:26,048
Frank, come on,
this is important.
97
00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:28,398
- Give it a chance. Please.
- Oh.
98
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:31,401
Well, hey, listen,
if it's that important to you
99
00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:33,751
we can do it. Come on,
we can do it, right, guys, huh?
100
00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:35,797
- Yeah, whatever.
- Yeah, sure.
101
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:40,236
Mommy, can I take
the seaweed bears to school?
102
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,107
- And give 'em to your friends?
- No.
103
00:04:42,194 --> 00:04:43,718
Billy Atkins, he kicked me.
104
00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:45,763
It's payback time.
105
00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:49,680
[instrumental music]
106
00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:57,297
Okay. Go tell Stan we're ready.
107
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:04,913
Al, sweetie, baby doll.
108
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,741
Did I come through
for you or what, huh?
109
00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:08,743
Yeah, I'm not so sure.
110
00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:11,615
For a big commercial, doesn't
this seem kinda low rent?
111
00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:13,269
Al, loose the 'tude, huh?
112
00:05:13,356 --> 00:05:14,792
This is your second gig.
113
00:05:14,879 --> 00:05:17,317
We're trying to build
your rep here. Work with me.
114
00:05:18,883 --> 00:05:21,190
J.T., do me a favor.
115
00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:23,540
Don't tell people
you're my agent
116
00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:25,063
or my brother.
117
00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:29,938
Okay, kiddies,
let's make some magic.
118
00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:32,288
Alright, places, everybody.
119
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,246
Alright, girls, now remember
120
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,423
we're selling suntans.
121
00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:39,600
Pretend you're on a beach
in Puerto Vallarta.
122
00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:42,733
It's hot, so act hot.
123
00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:50,741
Donavan Sun And Ocean Lotion.
Take one.
124
00:05:52,613 --> 00:05:54,266
And action!
125
00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:56,791
[spray hissing]
126
00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:01,578
[chuckles]
Becky, you're not
gonna believe it.
127
00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:03,667
Not only am I having
a great vacation
128
00:06:03,754 --> 00:06:05,234
but I'm getting
the best tan ever
129
00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:07,149
with Donavan
Sun And Ocean Lotion.
130
00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:10,500
In fact, I'm calling
all my friends to tell them.
131
00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:13,242
[all]
We're calling
all our friends, too.
132
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,549
And cut!
133
00:06:15,636 --> 00:06:18,508
Oh! Ha-ha! That was gold!
134
00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:20,423
You're gorgeous, all of you.
135
00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:22,077
Now wipe off
all that crappy lotion.
136
00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:23,905
We'll do the next setup
in five minutes.
137
00:06:25,297 --> 00:06:27,996
Al, that was great.
You were fantastic.
138
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:30,738
You were great.
You were the best!
139
00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:33,871
Hello, baby, you familiar
with the J.T. Lambert Agency?
140
00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:36,570
Are you familiar
with the term "Beat it," loser?
141
00:06:38,354 --> 00:06:40,400
Very!
142
00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:41,792
Get out of here.
143
00:06:41,879 --> 00:06:44,752
[instrumental music]
144
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:52,281
Oh, boy.
Our first healthy meal.
145
00:06:52,368 --> 00:06:53,804
I wonder what
they're gonna give us.
146
00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:55,937
I just hope I don't throw up.
147
00:06:57,808 --> 00:07:00,898
Well, if you have to,
turn towards Mark.
148
00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:04,511
- I'm wearing silk.
- Alright now, cut it out.
149
00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:06,121
Remember, no matter
what this is like
150
00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:07,818
we promised to give
it a shot, right?
151
00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:10,560
- Yeah, whatever.
- Yeah.
152
00:07:10,647 --> 00:07:12,301
Okay, everything's ready.
153
00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:14,564
Now, Dana, why don't you serve
the main course for the evening?
154
00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:15,609
[sighs]
Oh.
155
00:07:15,696 --> 00:07:17,524
First, we have a
156
00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:20,222
scrumptious lentil loaf..
157
00:07:21,832 --> 00:07:23,921
...made entirely..
158
00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:27,011
...from organically-grown
lentil beans.
159
00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:29,405
And the best part is..
160
00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:32,452
...that it is
completely salt-free
161
00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:36,804
fat-free and cholesterol-free.
162
00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:38,414
I'll tell you what, for
something that won't kill you
163
00:07:38,501 --> 00:07:40,547
it smells pretty good.
164
00:07:40,634 --> 00:07:42,679
Next we have a garden salad
165
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:46,988
made with barley leaves
and wheatgrass.
166
00:07:47,075 --> 00:07:48,816
You know, this looks
pretty okay too.
167
00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:51,296
Better than okay,
it's loaded with bulk and fiber
168
00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:52,863
and it'll naturally cleanse
your systems.
169
00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:54,430
What's she's saying, guys,
it's gonna flush us
170
00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:56,432
like a Roto-Rooter. Ha-ha.
171
00:07:58,913 --> 00:08:01,481
Thank you for that image, honey.
172
00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:05,485
Okay, now, bon appetit.
173
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:07,965
[sighs]
174
00:08:18,846 --> 00:08:20,412
Well, what do you think?
Isn't it great?
175
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,284
[chuckles]
176
00:08:22,371 --> 00:08:26,070
I...have never tasted
anything like this.
177
00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:28,769
- Have you, guys?
- No.
178
00:08:28,856 --> 00:08:30,118
- 'No?'
- No.
179
00:08:30,205 --> 00:08:31,293
- 'How about you?'
- No.
180
00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:32,424
- 'No?'
- 'No.'
181
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,817
Well, if you like this
182
00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:35,297
you are gonna love
our next course.
183
00:08:35,384 --> 00:08:36,516
Come on, Dana.
184
00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:39,519
[retching]
185
00:08:40,955 --> 00:08:44,306
Okay, who is ready
for bean-curd gravy
186
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:47,744
and green-algae muffins?
187
00:08:50,442 --> 00:08:53,097
Oh, man,
I wish we had a dog.
188
00:08:54,055 --> 00:08:56,492
[instrumental music]
189
00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:57,928
[man on TV]
'Well, that's the end
of the first quarter'
190
00:08:58,015 --> 00:09:00,496
'with the score
Hornets-28 and Bucks-26.'
191
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:03,412
'We'll be right back
after these messages.'
192
00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:05,588
Hey, isn't that Al?
193
00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:07,198
Yeah, that's her commercial.
194
00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:09,853
Hey, Al, your commercial's on.
Get in here!
195
00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,594
It's already on.
I don't believe it!
196
00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:13,335
We just shot it two days ago.
197
00:09:13,422 --> 00:09:15,555
Hey, with J.T. Lambert
as your agent
198
00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:17,513
good things happen.
199
00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:22,083
[woman on TV]
Hey, guys, are you
lonely tonight?
200
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:24,999
Well, don't be because
we're oiling up just for you.
201
00:09:27,392 --> 00:09:28,916
Oh, my God.
202
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:34,182
So, guys, if you wanna play
a little beach-blanket-bingo
203
00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:37,533
grab your boogie board,
your credit card and call us.
204
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:40,623
Remember, we Beach Bunnies
are waiting to talk to you.
205
00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:42,799
So pick up the phone now.
206
00:09:51,852 --> 00:09:55,333
That was not the commercial
I was in.
207
00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:58,728
I was supposed to be selling
suntan lotion.
208
00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:02,689
Looks like you were selling
a wholelot more than that.
209
00:10:02,776 --> 00:10:04,038
- This is all your fault!
- Hey!
210
00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:05,561
- You moron!
- Yeah! Al, wait, wait.
211
00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:08,216
Give it a chance. Look at it
this way. It's exposure.
212
00:10:08,303 --> 00:10:09,391
[grunting]
213
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:11,611
[instrumental music]
214
00:10:13,395 --> 00:10:15,092
[grunting]
215
00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:17,965
You idiot,
you bone-head, you moron!
216
00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:19,880
Al, stop. Wait.
I swear, this isn't my fault.
217
00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:22,186
If I would've known this was
gonna be a sleazy commercial
218
00:10:22,273 --> 00:10:23,448
I would've asked
for a lot more money.
219
00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:25,929
[grunting]
220
00:10:26,016 --> 00:10:29,106
I cannot believe
I let you talk me into this.
221
00:10:29,193 --> 00:10:31,282
I could've been
playing Juliet.
222
00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:34,329
Instead, I'm playing
Miss Oil-me Call-me. Ah!
223
00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:36,853
Al, Al.
Al, now calm down, calm down.
224
00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:40,030
Look, th-these commercials,
they come and go, okay?
225
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:42,032
If it makes you feel
any better..
226
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:44,687
...you looked great.
227
00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:46,994
Ow! What, what?
I'm just trying to help here.
228
00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:49,387
Control your..
229
00:10:49,474 --> 00:10:53,957
Al, nobody's really gonna
see the commercial, anyway.
230
00:10:54,044 --> 00:10:56,220
Except for maybe
a few guys at school
231
00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:58,005
a few teachers..
232
00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:01,617
Reverend Miller
233
00:11:01,704 --> 00:11:04,620
and three or four million guys
watching this game.
234
00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:06,404
Oh.
235
00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:08,580
I think you're forgetting
the big man upstairs.
236
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:10,974
God?
237
00:11:12,323 --> 00:11:14,108
No, worse, Frank.
238
00:11:14,195 --> 00:11:16,153
- Oh!
- Oh, no.
239
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,633
I'm dead.
240
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,809
No. No, you're not dead.
No, you're not.
241
00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:21,289
Dad is never gonna
see this commercial.
242
00:11:21,376 --> 00:11:23,160
First thing tomorrow
I'm driving to Milwaukee
243
00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:25,336
and demanding that creep,
Stan, take it off the air.
244
00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:27,948
Yeah. Yeah, you are driving
to Milwaukee, alright.
245
00:11:28,035 --> 00:11:30,472
But I'm going with you
and this time I am doing
246
00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:32,343
all the talking.
You've screwed up enough!
247
00:11:32,430 --> 00:11:33,867
Al, I understand
why you're mad.
248
00:11:33,954 --> 00:11:35,346
You're the one
in the raunchy commercial
249
00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:37,479
that looks like
a cheap slut. Ah!
250
00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:41,831
I had that one coming. Ah!
251
00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:44,616
[instrumental music]
252
00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:47,271
Oh, Mr. L,
you are my hero.
253
00:11:47,358 --> 00:11:49,099
Thank you so much
for sneaking in this food.
254
00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:50,666
- Oh.
- Well, I had to do something.
255
00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:52,886
I lost six pounds in two days
with that seaweed crap
256
00:11:52,973 --> 00:11:54,148
they've been feeding us.
257
00:11:56,106 --> 00:11:58,587
So you don't feel guilty
about breaking mom's diet?
258
00:11:58,674 --> 00:12:00,023
Oh, yeah, it's tearin' me up.
259
00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:02,112
Are you gonna eat any of that?
Oh, boy.
260
00:12:02,199 --> 00:12:04,375
Oh, my God, it's donuts!
261
00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:06,508
Donuts! Don..
262
00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:08,205
My God!
263
00:12:10,512 --> 00:12:13,384
You crazy? You're gonna wake up
the food police.
264
00:12:13,471 --> 00:12:14,951
You're right. Sorry.
265
00:12:15,038 --> 00:12:18,476
Oh, God.
Soft, greasy, fried dough!
266
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:24,439
It just doesn't get
any better than this.
267
00:12:24,526 --> 00:12:25,570
Guys!
268
00:12:30,445 --> 00:12:32,360
What are you doing?
269
00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:35,624
This isn't what it looks like.
270
00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:39,584
These are bean-curd donuts.
271
00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:45,765
- And this is seaweed pizza.
- Mm.
272
00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:49,551
Yeah, right. And I'll bet those
Twinkies are made out of tofu.
273
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:50,900
You're mad at us, aren't you?
274
00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:52,684
You're darn right..
275
00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:55,775
...for starting without me.
276
00:12:57,994 --> 00:13:00,431
Mm. Come to mama, baby.
277
00:13:00,518 --> 00:13:02,172
Yeah, Carol, hey-hey-hey.
Hey-hey-hey.
278
00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:04,174
That's a pizza. It's got salt
and it's got fat in it.
279
00:13:04,261 --> 00:13:06,002
I know. That's what makes
it taste so good.
280
00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:08,091
[laughs]
281
00:13:08,178 --> 00:13:09,353
Well, I'm all for eating healthy
282
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:10,528
but that health food stuff
283
00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:12,226
we were serving you
really sucked.
284
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:14,750
Yeah, you're doing good now.
Have a donut.
285
00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:17,405
- Alright, people, freeze!
- Oh.
286
00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:19,755
Oh, no.
287
00:13:21,148 --> 00:13:23,324
It's the nutrition Nazi.
288
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:28,895
You people are pathetic!
289
00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:30,984
Mom,you too?
290
00:13:31,071 --> 00:13:33,073
How could you?
291
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,683
I was hungry.
292
00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:41,124
You all make me sick.
293
00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:42,778
You couldn't go three days
294
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:45,781
without putting this poison
in your veins?
295
00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:48,131
Honey, it's not like
we're shooting up heroin here.
296
00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:53,833
Not yet, but junk food
is the gateway drug.
297
00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:58,446
Dana, I don't want you
to take this the wrong way
298
00:13:58,533 --> 00:14:00,361
but you're a twit.
299
00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:06,019
Listen, mister,
I am trying to save your lives.
300
00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:09,892
Now, step away from table.
I'm confiscating this junk food.
301
00:14:09,979 --> 00:14:12,852
[all growling]
302
00:14:14,723 --> 00:14:16,290
That's enough, Dana.
303
00:14:16,377 --> 00:14:18,335
Now, I'm all
for improving our diet
304
00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:19,946
but we went way too far.
305
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:21,991
But, mom, I thought
we were gonna force them
306
00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:23,471
to do it our way!
307
00:14:23,558 --> 00:14:24,864
- Huh?
- Huh?
308
00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:28,868
Come on, Dana, that stuff
we were feeding them
309
00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:30,739
tasted like landfill.
310
00:14:32,349 --> 00:14:35,222
Fine, but here
is the bottom line.
311
00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:38,181
That poison in front of you
is gonna kill you.
312
00:14:38,268 --> 00:14:40,923
'It's gonna clog your arteries,
raise your blood pressure'
313
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,534
and blow your hearts
right out of your chests.
314
00:14:43,621 --> 00:14:45,841
You're gonna end up
a bunch of bloated, fat-filled
315
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:47,669
cholesterol-ridden carcasses.
316
00:14:47,756 --> 00:14:50,672
- Now what do you say to that?
- I say, pass the pepperoni.
317
00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:51,760
Yes.
318
00:14:53,327 --> 00:14:55,546
No way, the donuts.
The donuts are great!
319
00:14:56,591 --> 00:14:59,463
[instrumental music]
320
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,469
[crowd cheering on TV]
321
00:15:05,556 --> 00:15:07,123
Hey, Mr. L,
watching a little b-ball, eh?
322
00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:08,864
Yeah. It's the Bucks' game.
I taped it last night.
323
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:10,910
Ooh, yeah,
I know you're gonna enjoy it.
324
00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:11,998
Did you say
you taped it last night?
325
00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:13,825
Yeah, there it is.
326
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,740
Hey, hey, hey! Hey!
327
00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:17,351
I'm sorry, Mr. L.
I can't have you watch that.
328
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:19,266
Why not?
329
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:22,747
Well, b-b-because the-the-the
Bucks had to forfeit the game.
330
00:15:22,834 --> 00:15:24,967
They came all down with a virus.
331
00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:29,580
What virus?
332
00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:32,105
Ebola?
333
00:15:32,192 --> 00:15:34,020
Yeah, well, no, no, Mr. L.
No, I can't let you..
334
00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:35,412
- No, no. Mr. L! Mr. L!
- Give it..
335
00:15:35,499 --> 00:15:37,937
One more word
and you're evicted!
336
00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:41,679
[man on TV]
'Well, that's the end
of the first quarter'
337
00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:44,552
'with the score
Hornets-28 and Bucks-26.'
338
00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:47,511
'We'll be right back
after these messages.'
339
00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:49,687
[woman on TV]
Hey, guys,
are you lonely tonight?
340
00:15:49,774 --> 00:15:53,735
Well, don't be because
we're oiling up just for you.
341
00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:56,825
So, guys, if you wanna play
a little beach-blanket-bingo
342
00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:58,435
grab your boogie board
343
00:15:58,522 --> 00:16:00,698
your credit card and call us.
Remember..
344
00:16:00,785 --> 00:16:01,830
Al?
345
00:16:01,917 --> 00:16:03,919
...are waiting to talk to you..
346
00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:07,705
Alright, what do you know
about that?
347
00:16:09,316 --> 00:16:11,883
Well, now, Mr. L,
I'm very loyal to my friends.
348
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,581
And there is absolutely no way
I could ever betray--
349
00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:15,931
Spill it, shorty!
350
00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:17,498
J.T. got Al a commercial
in Milwaukee, supposed to be
351
00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:18,890
for suntan lotion, but it turned
out to be one of those
352
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,327
"Oil-me Call-me" numbers
so J.T. now went down
353
00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:21,676
to VX Productions in Milwaukee
to get the producer
354
00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:23,286
to take it off the air.
355
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:32,992
[woman on TV]
Hey, guys, are you
lonely tonight..
356
00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:35,081
- Rich!
- It's off, off!
357
00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:39,520
[instrumental music]
358
00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:42,871
Well, look, all I'm sayin' is
359
00:16:42,958 --> 00:16:45,395
you should try out this girl
in your Detroit club
360
00:16:45,482 --> 00:16:47,006
'and she does a number
with the hula hoop'
361
00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:48,355
'you ain't gonna believe.'
362
00:16:48,442 --> 00:16:51,445
[chuckles]
Right. Alright. Bye, Pop.
363
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,754
Well, if it isn't my little
movie star and Jimmy Hollywood.
364
00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:59,366
[chuckles]
What can I do for you kids?
365
00:16:59,453 --> 00:17:01,063
I think you know
why we're here.
366
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:04,632
You told me I was going to be
in a suntan lotion commercial.
367
00:17:04,719 --> 00:17:08,114
And instead, you made me
a beach-blanket bimbo.
368
00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:09,463
Look, you've gotta
take that commercial
369
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:11,204
off the air right now.
370
00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:12,944
Sorry, no can do.
371
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,599
You see,
I got a piece of paper
372
00:17:15,686 --> 00:17:17,906
that says I have
the right to do
373
00:17:17,993 --> 00:17:21,083
whatever I want with that film.
374
00:17:23,259 --> 00:17:25,261
Maybe your agent
didn't read it.
375
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:30,136
Look, pal, I don't think you
know who you're dealing with.
376
00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:32,790
I'm hooked up to some
pretty powerful people.
377
00:17:32,877 --> 00:17:35,489
My best friend's cousin's
Guatemalan pen pal
378
00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:38,622
waits tables at F. Lee Bailey's
favorite taco stand!
379
00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:43,323
Kid, I don't even know
what that means.
380
00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:44,759
Get outta here.
381
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,633
- Hey!
- 'Dad.'
382
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,809
Geez, dad,
I am sorry this happened.
383
00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:54,073
- This creep lied and--
- Yeah, yeah, Al, it's okay.
384
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,597
Rich explained everything to me.
I'm not mad at ya.
385
00:17:56,684 --> 00:17:58,947
Boy, what a relief. I thought
you were gonna kill us both.
386
00:17:59,034 --> 00:18:01,036
Well, you're half right, son.
387
00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:03,952
Just wait outside.
388
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:05,171
I wanna have
a little discussion
389
00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:06,781
with your producer here.
390
00:18:06,868 --> 00:18:09,740
Yeah, hey, listen, uh, friend.
391
00:18:09,827 --> 00:18:12,265
Why don't you just
make this easy?
392
00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:14,658
Give me the tape
you made of my daughter
393
00:18:14,745 --> 00:18:16,443
and I'll leave here
a happy guy.
394
00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:19,402
[chuckles]
Look, friend
395
00:18:19,489 --> 00:18:21,970
I got your daughter's
signed contract.
396
00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:23,450
And I got more
lawyers than O.J.
397
00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:25,626
so you ain't gettin' squat.
398
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,153
Okay.
399
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:35,288
Boy, you got a lot of nice,
fancy equipment there.
400
00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:36,724
This camera, ooh.
401
00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:38,465
I bet you
this is expensive, huh?
402
00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:40,989
[scoffs]
You're damn right.
Set me back plenty.
403
00:18:41,076 --> 00:18:42,469
Really?
404
00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:43,644
See, I have a reputation
405
00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:45,428
for bein' a pretty clumsy guy.
406
00:18:45,515 --> 00:18:47,691
Wonder what would happen
if I just drop this
407
00:18:47,778 --> 00:18:49,215
right out the window?
408
00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:52,174
Go ahead, big shot. Drop it.
409
00:18:52,261 --> 00:18:53,306
My lawyer
will write up a claim.
410
00:18:53,393 --> 00:18:54,568
I'll have a new one up here
411
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:56,265
before you get back
to the farm.
412
00:18:58,441 --> 00:19:01,227
As a matter of fact, Jethro..
413
00:19:03,533 --> 00:19:05,666
...there's nothin'
you could drop out that window
414
00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:07,798
that would make me
give up that tape.
415
00:19:09,452 --> 00:19:10,845
Is that right?
416
00:19:10,932 --> 00:19:12,499
Whoa!
417
00:19:14,936 --> 00:19:17,939
What are you, a lunatic?
Pull me back in!
418
00:19:18,026 --> 00:19:19,201
Yeah, well,
first I wanna explain
419
00:19:19,288 --> 00:19:21,377
my philosophy to you, okay?
420
00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:24,598
A father's relationship
with his daughter is
421
00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:26,121
well, it's sacred, you know?
422
00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:27,862
And what you did
with my daughter
423
00:19:27,949 --> 00:19:29,994
well, that was a no-no,
you see.
424
00:19:30,081 --> 00:19:33,302
- Oh, ah!
- Oh, sorry about that.
425
00:19:33,389 --> 00:19:35,826
Ah, you would drop me
four stories
426
00:19:35,913 --> 00:19:38,220
just to get back
that stupid tape?
427
00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:40,701
Yeah, and then kick your sorry
butt up here and drop you again.
428
00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:43,399
[blabbering]
429
00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:45,314
Okay, okay!
Pull me back in!
430
00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:47,664
- You can have the tape.
- Thanks.
431
00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:49,188
[grunting]
432
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:54,889
"Motorcycle Maidens," "Nasty
Nurses," "Nasty Nurses 2."
433
00:19:54,976 --> 00:19:56,586
Well, "Oil-me Call-me."
Here you go. Take it.
434
00:19:56,673 --> 00:19:58,066
Just leave me alone here!
435
00:19:58,153 --> 00:19:59,459
You're a mad man,
you know that?
436
00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:03,724
God, no, Stan.
This is me, calm.
437
00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:05,639
If I find out
this isn't the only tape you got
438
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:08,642
of my daughter's commercial,
I'll be back.
439
00:20:08,729 --> 00:20:11,514
And then you're gonna see
a mad man.
440
00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:20,610
Dad, you got my tape.
How'd you do it?
441
00:20:20,697 --> 00:20:22,612
Uh, well, I just, I just
442
00:20:22,699 --> 00:20:24,484
opened the window
of opportunity for him
443
00:20:24,571 --> 00:20:27,965
and I let him see things
from a higher perspective.
444
00:20:28,052 --> 00:20:29,967
Gosh, dad, thank you.
445
00:20:30,054 --> 00:20:31,795
- It's alright, pal.
- Thanks, dad.
446
00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:34,407
You're still the other half.
447
00:20:34,494 --> 00:20:37,366
[instrumental music]
448
00:20:40,717 --> 00:20:42,763
[sniffing]
449
00:20:43,764 --> 00:20:44,852
No.
450
00:20:47,942 --> 00:20:50,858
[sniffing]
451
00:20:52,207 --> 00:20:53,904
Ah, I can beat this.
452
00:20:53,991 --> 00:20:57,256
I am not weak like the others.
453
00:20:57,343 --> 00:20:58,953
[sighs]
454
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,694
Alright, so I'm weak.
455
00:21:02,478 --> 00:21:04,524
[Rich]
'Uh, later, J.T.,
I'm out of here.'
456
00:21:23,412 --> 00:21:25,240
Hey, uh, honey?
457
00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:27,634
What's that, uh, book
you're reading there?
458
00:21:32,073 --> 00:21:33,509
[mumbling]
459
00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:37,296
So, so, honey,
how are you handling that, uh
460
00:21:37,383 --> 00:21:40,081
health-food diet of yours?
Are you sticking to it?
461
00:21:40,168 --> 00:21:41,561
Mm-hmm.
462
00:21:42,910 --> 00:21:44,781
You wouldn't cheat now,
would you?
463
00:21:44,868 --> 00:21:46,392
Unh-uh.
464
00:21:48,742 --> 00:21:51,266
Would you like some milk to
wash down that chocolate donut?
465
00:21:53,094 --> 00:21:56,010
[chuckles]
466
00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:59,405
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
33992
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