Original subtitles

(upbeat rock music)

♫ Walked away from anyone

♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun

♫ Walked away from anyone

♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun

♫ There was just enough to kick that ball away

♫ Oo

♫ Oo oo oo

♫ Oo oo oo

♫ Oo oo oo

(tranquil acoustic music)

- Right then, friends.

Today I thought we'd chew the fat about something

we all need to find time for in our busy bee lives.

Charity.

- [Lockie Voiceover] It had been a quiet week in Angelus.

Boredom had struck.

No shark attacks, no alien invasion,

no TV celebrities popping into the fish shop.

- For those less fortunate amongst us.

- (whispering) Of course he's talking about the Leonards.

- [Lockie Voiceover] Which meant nobody had anything

to talk about, except us.

It seemed the whole town was gossiping about

the Leonard family difficulties.

Mum Leonard had dropped her bundle,

she'd gone round the twist, completely cuckoo-lulu,

ended up in the hospital loony bin.

And who could blame her really?

With a family like that?

Poetry reading policeman for a husband?

A little one who eats anything that's not tied down?

The middle one, Phillip, still wetting the bed, at his age.

(crashing) - [Phillip] Lockie!

- [Lockie Voiceover] And Lockie?

Weirdest of the lot.

No wonder that he'd got rid of him.

We weren't coping, apparently.

House was a bomb site, apparently.

Coming apart at the seams, apparently.

- Morning.

- [Lockie Voiceover] According to the blabbermouths,

we were charity cases for sure.

(phone ringing)

(squelching)

(gasping)

Yep, it was like the whole town was busy writing a movie

about how bad things were for us.

Coming soon to a big screen near you, "The Loopy Leonards",

starring in-

(foreboding Western music)

- Gimme a 'C'! - C!

- Gimme an 'H'! - H!

- Gimme an 'A'! - A!

- Gimme an 'R'! - R!

- Gimme an 'I'! - I!

- A 'T'! - T!

- And a 'Y'! - Y!

- What's that spell?

- [All] Charity!

- [Lockie Voiceover] So, the script had been written.

Might as well see what they cooked up.

Scene one.

We open at the Loopy Leonards home.

The sun was setting.

The mozzies had started dive bombing in squadrons.

And then.

(zooming) (twinkling)

And another most kind soul left a food offering

on the doorstep.

- Mm, lamb.

(bleating)

Or it could be beef!

Mm, yes, definitely beef!

(plodding)

- Sarge, I wanna go see Mum tomorrow.

- Um, look, I can't get away,

I've let things slide a little bit down at the station.

- Why can't I go on my own?

Eggwed's pert to see his mum on his own.

- Oh, we'll see. - Which basically means no.

- I just don't want to upset her a lot.

- Upset her with me?

- Or with anything.

Lord, if I had my way, I'd be camped out under a bed

day and night.

How does maybe sound?

Mm!

- Mm!

- Lamb is it?

- Not if you're talking to Cyril it's not!

- You made lamb casserole?

- Found it on the step.

- Mm!

- Hang on, where had I seen that casserole dish before?

Vicki?

- Lockie!

- What brings you to this hospital corridor, young Streeton?

- Oh, I'm just helping out.

- What're you doing?

- [Lockie] I'm not hungry.

- Cross country race on Monday, Lock.

You're gonna need your energy if you're gonna win.

- Have you seen me run?

- He turns down the first decent meal in two weeks!

And people think I'm the weird one.

(Blob whining)

- That casserole was from Vicki Streeton.

- I always liked her.

- And in the morning, you're gonna take the dish back

and tell her we don't want anymore.

- Um, why would I do that?

- Because, I don't wanna be

just another one of her charity cases, clear?

So tomorrow, take back the dish, and tell her to butt out.

- And if I don't?

- Scene two, our hero makes his younger brother an offer

he can't refuse. (foreboding ambient music)

You'll be sorry.

Not maybe.

Will be.

Which takes us to scene three,

set at the glamorous home of the casserole queen herself.

Our hero sends his younger brother to do his dirty work.

Not very heroic, I know, but I couldn't face Vicki.

I was afraid of what I might do.

Throw myself at her knees, beg for more charity.

But Vicki wasn't the only one with charity on the mind.

Suddenly, the whole town was keen to get in on the act.

(lawnmower whirring)

- [Mr. Streeton] Can you go a bit faster

on this grass, please?

All the long grass down this way right now.

- [Man] I got it, Harry.

- Good to see ya, ladies.

Stand back there, son.

- [Lockie] That's our letterbox!

- [Mr. Streeton] Well we've had to get drastic with it,

my boy.

- [Lockie Voiceover] This isn't happening.

Random old ladies from my church are not folding my undies.

- Grab a shovel, young man, and lend a hand!

That's what this town's all about, you know.

Helping the needy.

- But I live here.

- Oh!

Which one are you again?

- I told Mr. Streeton he could keep his shovel.

Left him and the rest of the do-gooders behind.

I had somewhere more important to be.

- Archie!

Man, it's good to see ya!

(grunting)

Never get any faster, do you, Arch?

- No, guess not.

- So, here to see your mother, eh?

- Yeah. - On ya, mate.

They love that, mums do.

Makes them feel better knowing that there's nothing wrong.

That everything's paring along smoothly at home.

- [Lockie Voiceover] Don't talk about the mess.

Don't talk about the do-gooders.

Don't talk about the letterbox.

Don't talk about the casserole.

Don't talk about not coping.

- So how are you all coping at home?

- Yeah, good.

Quick, talk about something cheerful.

Create a diversion.

So good that I entered the cross country.

The race is tomorrow, so, yeah, should be good.

- You hate cross country.

- No, I love it!

I know I used to hate it, but ...

I found it's kind of relaxing.

Not to mention totally compulsory.

- You find it relaxing?

- Yeah, just the ...

Repetition or something.

Scene four.

Hero attempts to pull wool over his mother's eyes.

Mum's gonna buy it for a minute, note to the writers.

Wool-pulling scenes should be left to Cyril.

(melancholic orchestral music)

(bleating)

- Outta the gate, mince meat, victory all the way!

V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!

Can we win it?

Yes we can!

Because we're here to cheer for the Patterson House!

Yeah, Patterson!

Woo! (clapping)

- I would give that 9.5 out of 10, very good.

One tiny little suggestion, though.

"Yes we can, here to cheer for Patterson House",

that's, that's not even close to rhyming.

- What're you doing?

- Your sports day tomorrow,

some us primary schools are coming,

so I'll be there to cheer you on!

- Huh?

- [Phillip] All I need is a red shirt, and I'm done!

- While you go look after dinner,

I'll have a look in the closet,

see if Mum's got a red shirt.

How was she, by the way?

- Where did this food come from?

- Someone made it for us!

- And left it on the front doorstep?

- Anyone could have made it Lock.

There were tonnes of people out there today!

- Did you tell Vicki not to bring anymore food?

- Too feminine?

Oh, gourmet dinner two nights in a row!

This town is raining kindness.

Neat lawn, new letterbox.

- Yeah, well that's gonna help us through the night.

- I nearly forgot, someone's left us a bag of clothes.

- It's well enough we're the talk of the town,

now they're giving us their hand-me-downs?

- Well, they're just trying to help, Lock.

- Who does that help?

- Well maybe it helps them.

Think of it as our community service.

Team Leonard, Boredom Busters.

- Sarge, whoever gave us those clothes thinks we're poor.

- We're not poor, are we, Sarge?

- We are rich in every way, Phillip.

Richer than most.

- Bingo!

The universe provides!

- You're not wearing that.

- There's a saying, isn't there?

Charity begins at home.

- Shut up, Cyril.

You're part of the problem.

Mum didn't even want you here in the first place.

I wish you'd never come at all.

(Western acoustic music)

Scene five.

Young hero takes out frustration on loyal domestic animal.

(angelic ambient music)

What's with the costume, who're you trying to be?

- Your friend.

I wanna help you, Lockie.

Let me.

Let me help you.

- No, I've gone from your boyfriend to your charity case.

It sucks.

- [Phillip] V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!

Can we win it?

We've got an ounce!

Because we're here to cheer for the Patterson House!

Woo!

Do you like it?

Sarge did a bit of work on it last night,

and now it rhymes!

Out of the gate, they're mince meat!

- [Lockie Voiceover] No really, Mum, I love cross country.

Love it.

It's really ...

Relaxing.

(crowd cheering)

- [Kids] P-A-T-T-E-R-S-O-N!

Go Patterson!

(crowd cheering)

- [Referee] Get set!

(gun bangs)

(inspirational music)

(crowd cheering)

(panting)

- [Lockie Voiceover] Strange.

I'm usually hopeless at running.

At this rate, I won't even come last.

Either I'm running very fast, or they're running very slow.

(crowd cheering)

(panting)

Maybe they're running very slow for a reason?

- [Crowd] C-H-A-R-I-T-Y!

Yay, charity!

Does he want it?

No bloomin' way!

But he's gonna get it because he's got no say!

Woo!

- [Lockie Voiceover] And maybe someone asked them

to let poor Lockie Leonard win.

Give him something to smile about.

Scene six.

Young hero sees through their dead obvious plan

to try and make him feel better.

- What's he doing?

Lockie?

(crowd cheering)

- How'd the race go?

- Don't ask.

- Okey-dokey.

(sighing)

Don't worry, things will pick up.

- Will they?

Well I wish they'd hurry up about it.

I'm sick of being the world's biggest charity case.

- Cyril's gone, I can't find him anywhere!

- What do you mean, gone?

- He isn't here, he's run away!

And it's my fault,

I just couldn't shut up about the lamb casserole!

- Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa hang on a minute!

There could be another clue if we look for it.

Like, for instance, the working bee in all it's wisdom

cut the grass.

I reckon he's just gone to look for something to eat.

What do you reckon, Lock?

(harsh bang) (Western acoustic music)

(harsh bang)

- Sure.

- [Sarge] Any news?

- No one's seen him, Sarge.

- (sighing) Calling all cars, calling all cars,

missing persons report.

Male, brown eyes, round nose, curly hair.

Answers to the name of Cyril.

(sighing)

- [Lockie Voiceover] I should've been helping find Cyril.

It was my fault he'd run away in the first place,

but my legs took my somewhere else.

- I wasn't expecting you back so soon.

- Well, I just wanted to tell you ...

That I'm making a total mess of everything.

- Lockie, what's happened?

- Everything, and it's only getting worse.

- I won the cross country.

- I know!

How weird is that?

- How do you know I won?

- Vicki told me.

- What?

Vicki came to see you?

- She popped in after school,

she's been in a couple of times, actually.

- What is it with her?

- What, she's not allowed to visit me?

- She can't keep her nose out of anything!

Casseroles, working bees,

organising it so everyone lets me win at the cross country.

And now she won't even let me visit my own mom properly!

- It was only a visit, Lockie.

- She dumps me in front of the whole school,

and then, to make herself feel better,

she treats me like I can't even tie my own shoelaces!

- Oh, she's just trying to show kindness.

- I don't want kindness from her, Mum!

Whose side are you on?

(melancholic piano music)

I'm sorry.

I just want things to be the way they used to be.

And now you're upset,

this exactly why Sarge didn't want me coming in here.

Dumping stuff all over you.

- Oh ...

You coming in here ...

Worrying about what I think, like it matters ...

That is exactly what I need.

(sighing) It's all right.

- I'm supposed to be saying that to you.

- It's all right, Lockie.

Really.

- [Lockie Voiceover] But it wasn't all right,

not by a long shot.

Pushing me to the point where I'm yelling at my own Mum.

Well this young hero is done with this movie.

I quit.

From now on, I can write my own dumb lines,

thank you very much.

- Hi.

- Victoria Streeton.

I've had it with you and your casseroles.

Nice strong opener, huh?

And I've had it with your working bees.

And I've had it with you

organising for me to win at the cross country.

But more than any of that,

I've had it with you visiting my Mum!

Because-

Well ...

Come on, come on, you had it all worked out perfectly,

all written in your head!

Well, because she's my Mum, and ...

Just because Vicki looks so good and I've got chest pain,

no reason to go to pieces.

And she's not just another one of your charity cases!

- Is it my turn now?

We'll start with the casseroles, okay?

- Absolutely delicious.

And if you've got time to make more,

we'd be ever so grateful.

- And as for the working bees,

my father's running for mayor again.

It was his idea of chasing a vote,

it had nothing to do with me.

And as for winning the race,

there was no conspiracy of kindness.

Maybe you're just so angry with the world

you won of your own accord.

And as for visiting your mum,

I didn't go to the hospital to visit her,

I go to visit my brother.

Colin.

Monster.

- You have any brothers or sisters?

- A brother, but he's much older.

That's him there.

Colin got into drugs and then Dad kicked him out,

we haven't seen him since.

- Monster's your brother?

- Maybe it's about time you realised

you're not the centre of the universe, Lockie.

- Vicki, wait.

- I think someone's following you.

(bleating)

- So my scenes were exploding in my face,

and things weren't going much better for Sarge.

- The inspector's here!

- He's a day early!

- [Lisa] I know!

- Sir.

Have you, um ...

Have you met Barbara?

(nervously laughing)

She's here on work experience.

(Blob squelching)

(sighing)

So ...

Given the circumstances ...

I had to swallow my pride and ring Nana Paul.

- Wow.

- Wow indeed, Phillip.

- And casserole was kind of off the menu, so ...

I hope you're all enjoying your toast.

- At least we have Cyril back.

- I don't know about you, fellas,

but I'm not really in the mood for singing tonight.

Maybe we should leave the Leonard Family Travelling Scene

as a rest this evening.

- Or maybe that's exactly what we need to do!

Give all those gossipers and do-gooders

something to really talk about!

Anyway, we're Team Leonard.

Boredom Busters, remember?

♫ Click go the shears, boys, click, click, click

♫ Wide is his blow, and his hands move quick

♫ The ringer looks around, and is beaten by a blow

♫ As fast as we all stagger with a blue belly Joe

♫ Oh, click go the shears, boy, click, click, click

♫ Wide is his blow and his hands move quick

♫ The ringer looks around, and is beaten by a blow

- [Lockie Voiceover] Truth was,

Vicki was helping out because she understood.

She understood me better than I understood myself.

And somehow, I still managed to turn it into a crime.

- Archie!

Get over here!

Want you to meet somebody.

This is my sister, Vicki.

This is Archie.

- Hi Archie.

- Hi.

- So, I have to make an emergency oil change,

if you know what I mean!

- So ...

Lockie Leonard doing charity work?

- We do this every year.

- It's good.

These poor, pathetic people would be lost without you,

wouldn't they?

It's good you feel sorry for them.

- It's not like that.

- Oh no?

My mistake.

You must just be doing it because you care.

- You never come at things head on, do you?

- Not if I can help it.

- So you two getting along?

That's good!

She's gorgeous, isn't she?

- Monster!

I think you're on.

(clearing throat)

♫ There was a wild colonial boy

♫ Jack Doogan was his name (laughing)

(all laughing)

(upbeat rock music)

♫ Oo

♫ Oo oo oo

♫ Oo oo oo

♫ Oo oo oo

♫ Boy is breaking

♫ Underneath the world's strain

♫ Walked away from anyone

♫ They're burning themselves out in the sun

♫ Walked away from anyone

♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun

♫ It was just enough to kick that ball away

♫ Oo

♫ Oo oo oo