Original subtitles

♫ Worlds away from anyone

♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun

♫ Worlds away from anyone

♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun

♫ There was just enough to get them far away

(rock music)

(gentle music)

- [Lockie] It wasn't easy being a Leonard.

I mean it was weird enough being 13

and having hormones play footy with your brain

without your family adding to the weirdness.

Then on top of everything,

it was the total train wreck with my first ever girlfriend.

Yep, only on thing to do:

hibernate for the next millennium.

Sure, after locking myself in my room

for five days in a row,

things started to get a bit pongy

and Phillip broke out in a rash.

- Remember ray that you lopped down

and I performed an autopsy on it?

And I left its guts in the laundry by mistake

and Mum found it a week later.

It stinks worse than that.

- But, at least you now what causes your own smell:

sweaty socks, dirty jocks, mouldy boardies,

Mum's cheese broccoli.

(loud fart)

(sniffing)

Yep, all good.

Reassuring.

Unlike the stink I'd caused over Vicki Streeton.

The hottest girl at school,

the girl whose kiss tastes like Vanilla ice cream

and who smelled like strawberry toffee.

- Definitely the deluxe model, kitten.

An absolutely A-1, top of the range Streeton,

fully guaranteed.

- [Lockie] Just when we'd finally become an item, a couple,

the envy of the whole school, we'd hit the headlines.

I wad dumped.

Must have been some kind of record.

- And the award for the shortest ever relationship

in the history of Angelus goes to

Lockie Leonard.

(audience cheering)

- [Lockie] Yep, I botched it.

And all because of some mirage in a wetsuit.

I didn't know where she came from, where she lived.

I didn't even know her name.

She was a total mystery.

All I knew was, she could surf.

Yep, only one thing for it, hibernate.

At least until I'd passed

the confused and embarrassed stage.

One problem though,

I'd forgotten I was a Leonard.

(knocking on door)

- [Mum] Lockie?

- We've got your favourite take-away.

- It's spag bowl with extra special tangy tomato sauce.

- But you'll have to come out and get it.

And if you're quick, I'll throw in one of my best poems.

Clancy of the Overflow.

Always works in a crisis.

- Ask me again in a year.

- Geez, he must be sick.

- He's become a health hazard, Sarge.

(moans)

- Right.

Phillip, you grab his wettie.

Mum, you grab his board.

I'll back out Frida.

It is time for Operation Lockie Leverage.

(lively music)

(shouting)

- Dad's truly lost it this time.

Here I am being towed by Frida,

Leonards in the car and me on full display

to the whole town.

(cheering and shouting)

Could things get any worse?

(trailer rattling)

And instead of heading to the surf,

Sarge decides to take a shortcut.

Oh no, any place but this!

- We got your normal, lovable, likeable,

friendly, charming....

- Lockie!

Looks like Vicki's filming an ad.

You want to stay and watch?

- Yeah, like that's going to improve my day.

- ...a deal for you!

- Family cars, family deals so come on down

to Big Barry Streeton.

- Maybe we could be in it.

Like extras buying cars.

I could be on TV.

Does Lisa have a television?

- Burn rubber, Sarge.

I can hear the surf calling.

- Egg's there. He's watching.

- Egg? No way.

This was the last place Egg would want to be.

Mental note: find out why Egg's behaving so strangely.

- Hey you, James Dean.

Get out of there!

(shouting)

- I hoped Egg's eviction from Big Barry Streeton's

might create a big enough diversion

so we could slip away unnoticed.

Oh! Please, God. Send me an earthquake.

About 9.5 on the Richter scale should do it.

Sarge! Unless we're moving in five seconds,

I swear I'm filing for adoption.

- Right you are, son.

(engine turns over)

- Hey, I'm walking here.

I said I'm walking here.

- Oh! Could the day get any worse?

(engine chokes)

(scream)

By the time half the town had pushed Dad and Frida

down the main street,

we made it to the beach.

And the surf started to work its magic.

I decided it was impossible being a Leonard.

I know they mean well,

but is it too much to ask

that we slip under the normal radar

just once in a while?

And then, just when I figured out how normal we weren't...

- How was the surf, mate?

- Enlightening, Sarge.

- Champion.

- Phillip went and raised the bar even higher.

- You gotta teach me how to kiss.

I've decided to take my relationship with Lisa

to the next level.

- What relationship, Phillip?

She's 23, you're 10. She's...

- 2.3 times my age, correct.

But when I'm 17, and she's 30, she'll only be

1.7 times older.

Time is on my side.

- Yeah, well, while you've got your calculator out,

Mr. Math genius, you're also a whole lot shorter.

(penny whistle)

- Good point. I'll make a note.

Be taller.

So, you'll teach me?

- Phillip, I've had one relationship with Vicki.

And that lasted six hours, 43 minutes...

- 18 seconds, I know. The whole town knows.

But at least you locked lips.

Were they open or closed?

Someone said I should practise with an orange.

Is that a good idea?

- It had to be genetic.

Weirdness passed down the family tree.

I bet Egg never had these problems.

He was an only child.

He never had a brother to drive him nuts.

Or experience the trauma of a Leonard family outing.

- Support your blue light discos.

- Support Lisa's blue light disco.

- I suppose it was too much to hope for,

an earthquake outside the church.

Okay, maybe I'd settle for a plague of locusts.

- Okay, Lockie, I'll get you to come in close.

For the Parish Gazette.

- Okay. Phillip.

- Ready? Ah, wait, wait.

Vicki, you too.

Good publicity. Now you're a TV star.

- [Sarge] Put your arm around her, Lockie.

- So when's your ad gonna be on the tele?

- Never, I hope.

- So, how tall do you think you are, Lisa?

- 160 centimetres.

- Here we go! Everybody smile.

Thanks.

- We can stop smiling now?

- One thing I could always count on.

Mum wasn't into church.

So, when she came to pick us up,

she'd always be in a hurry to leave.

(engine sizzling)

- I promise, I will take you apart nut by nut, bolt by bolt,

screw by screw and sell you off for paper weight.

- Might be time you thought about trading this old girl in,

eh, Mrs. Leonard?

Perfect timing with my anniversary sale.

What do you say, son? Hmmm?

- Meanwhile, Egg phoned.

Wanted to meet me at his favourite spot.

One day the Leonard family weirdness genes

are gonna kick in. Nothing surer.

And I'm gonna mutate into a total nutcase.

- Give it a rest. Banging on about your family all morning.

- Woah, what's up with you?

- Why didn't your mum come to church?

- Cause she's not religious.

What does that have to do with anything?

- Want to know why my mum doesn't go?

- I'm simply asking what you think of my sculptures.

- I don't have an opinion.

- How can you not have an opinion?

That's what sculptures do,

they evoke opinion.

- Just like my sermons, but you never offer me an opinion

when I ask.

- You want my opinion? This sucks?

At least your parents still love each other.

- I suspected things weren't quite right at Egg's place

but I never knew they were this bad.

Make mental note, strike previous mental note.

No need to ask Egg why he's behaving so strangely.

- The drummer from Goliath has a car like that.

That car's going somewhere even when it's standing still.

- Is that why you sit in it?

To get away from the fights?

- Some days, I reckon Mum and Rev

only stay together because of me.

If I wasn't around,

I'm sure they'd get a divorce.

- Suddenly, my problems didn't seem so big anymore.

(engine revs)

- Yeah, yeah, that's it. Keep it going.

Good and steady. Yeah, good on ya, like that, steady.

Ease off! Ease off, ease off! Ease off!

(sizzling)

You flooded it.

- I've not flooded it, Sarge.

It's old, it's tired, it's worn out

and we need to get rid of it.

- It's a piece of Leonard family history.

- [Mum] Well, I don't give a noodle

about family history, Sarge.

Mr. Streeton has made us a perfectly good offer.

- [Sarge] Mr. Streeton...

- It was the strangest sound I'd ever heard,

Mum and the Sarge having an arguement.

- [Mum] I just want a car that starts when I turn the key

that doesn't leak when it rains

and doesn't smell like Lockie's old socks.

- Now I understood Egg's car thing.

Don't wanna be here. Gotta escape.

Turn on some music.

(sizzling)

Ugh!

Think of something else.

(window crank rattling)

Something nice.

Something like

vanilla ice cream. Perfect.

- Rules of the break up are

you will not speak to Vicki,

you will not sit beside her in class,

you will not stand in the same queue at lunch time,

and you will never ever dream about her.

Are we clear, beansprouts?

- Okay, something that doesn't involve divorce.

Yes! No complications of the family kind here.

Oh, and man, could she surf.

(banging)

- Should I practise with skin on or skin off?

- Phillip, I'm busy here. Go away.

- Doing what?

Fine, skin off. Gentler on the lips.

- Why couldn't anything be simple?

Mum and Sarge could keep Frida

and buy another car.

And Egg could have his Mum and the Rev back

the way they were.

- You didn't have an opinion,

so I'll assume it's no good.

(banging)

- Yeah, just like my sermon. Rubbish.

- Okay, so maybe Egg's problems

couldn't be fixed that easily.

(garbled distant arguing)

Unlike Phllip, who was ready to tackle his

with a bag of oranges and a calculator.

(cans clunking)

- Shady looking character we've got here, Constable.

Hang on. Looks like my Phillip, only taller.

- Just dropped in on my way home.

- You've ah, you've grown a bit there, son.

- 30 centimetres to be exact, Sarge.

- 30 centimetres. Outstanding!

- Hello, is this today's roster?

I see Lisa's due to finish in two minutes

and 45 seconds to be exact.

- Well, you'd be spot on there, son.

If only your sarge wasn't such a decent bloke

and hadn't given her an early mark

so she can go to netball practise.

- Netball?

But what if there's a crime

or something important?

- Phillip, what have you been eating?

What's that around your mouth?

- It's new lip cream. Citrus flavour.

To stop them from cracking.

Not that there's any reason why they'd crack.

- Sarge! It's that boy. The one that dresses in black.

I told him to stay away from that car.

- What car would that be Mr. Streeton?

- The one that's been stolen from my car yard!

- While Mr. Streeton chewed the Sarge's ear,

I figured if I gave Frida a bit of a polish,

maybe Mum wouldn't be so mad.

But it still looked like a clapped out old wreck.

- Hi.

(angelic music)

- They mystery girl. Without the wet suit.

- What?

- Oh! Did I just say that out loud?

- [Girl] You all right?

- No. Yes!

Sorry. My head and my mouth

just seemed to have developed a short circuit.

Must be the fumes. Hi!

- I was just heading out for a surf.

I thought you might want to come.

- Okay, got to be significant.

Mystery girl found out where I lived,

wants to go surfing can only mean one thing.

She likes me.

- Maybe another day.

- No, wait. I'll just get my stuff.

(bling)

- Lockie, we have to talk.

- Skin off, okay, skin off.

- Egg knicked a car.

(tyres squealing)

- What?

- The old one. From the car yard.

Mr. Streeton said he stole it.

- [Girl] Are you coming or what?

- Say yes. Go surfing.

Say yes. Please.

No, don't make me wrestle with my conscience.

Should I help Egg or go surfing with you know who?

Egg with the greasy hair,

or Mystery Girl with the smile and the perky bum.

Ugh!

Sorry, can't, gotta help out a mate.

- Good decision.

- Where do you think you're going?

- Netball.

(mellow music)

- Yep. It's definitely missing.

- That car is the only car in this entire yard

that's not for sale.

You wanna know why?

Show him the photo, doll.

Because it's priceless.

That car is part of the family.

(sobbing)

- Don't worry, Mrs. Streeton,

that car will stand out in Angelus like a train wreck.

(sobbing)

- There, there. The police will get it back.

Won't ya, sergeant?

And when you find the troublemaker that stole it,

I want him charged to the full extent of the law.

- Fair enough, too.

Oh, one last thing.

I noticed the car is a manual gearshift,

none of your modern automatic nonsense.

- Last of its kind.

- It'd be unusual for a 13 year old

to be able to drive a manual, wouldn't you say?

(mellow music)

(thumping)

- Feels like more than just cds.

What's the deal? Where ya goin?

- I figured maybe Mum and Dad would be happier

if I wasn't around.

- Man! This was heavy.

Egg running away from home.

What do I do? What do I say?

What would Sarge do in a crisis?

Clancy of the Overflow by Banjo Paterson.

- Are you all right?

- No, I'm not all right. You can't leave.

Where are you gonna go?

What am I gonna do for a best mate?

What if your mum and the Rev are going crazy with worry?

I know if I went missing,

Sarge would be gnawing his arms off by now.

It took all of about five minutes to convince Egg

that running away from home was a dumb idea.

Sarge would have been proud of me.

- You're right. You would be lost without me.

- Ah, no, maybe you should hang out here for a while.

Til things cool off a bit.

Your car's been knicked

and Streeton thinks you did it.

- What? Oh, man.

- Wait here. I'll be back in a while.

- Where ya going?

- I'll not speak to Vicki Streeton.

I'll not sit beside her in class.

I will not stand in the same queue.

And I promise, I will never ever

dream about her.

- What are you doing here?

- I know I'm breaking all the break up rules.

But I was hoping to talk to your dad.

- He's not here.

- He thinks Egg stole his car.

- I've heard. Ten times already.

Could hit 20 by dinner.

- Well, I know he didn't do it, okay?

So, if you could just tell your dad that.

- As if he'd listen to me.

He's too worried about his stupid sale

and his stupid ad to care about who really took the car.

- I guess Vicki's family

weren't as perfect as they seemed either.

- [Mrs. Streeton] Who is it, love?

- It's no one.

(gentle music)

Saturday.

The ad. It's on TV Saturday.

- Nothing else for it.

If Mr. Streeton wouldn't listen,

talk to someone who would:

the Sarge.

Are you sure this is a shortcut?

- No, I just love golf.

Such an interesting game.

- Maybe Sarge's mate upstairs is making up

for the lack of earthquakes and locust plagues

because right there and then,

in the middle of the ninth tee.

- It's the car!

That's it. It's the car.

The perfect metal on wheels.

(shouting)

- My car!

- It's the guy from the car yard.

- My car, you're not getting it. Now clear off.

- Fore!

(metal music playing on radio)

- My car. You hit my car!

I'm coming for yas.

(shouting)

(door squeaks)

- Oh, geez, it pongs in here.

(keys rattling)

- What are you doing?

- So, he can't drive away.

You better head home. I'll give this to Sarge.

(door slams)

I don't often get stuff right.

But I was spot on about Egg's parents.

- When we saw you'd taken your things.

- We were so worried.

- We may argue sometimes,

but there's one thing we absolutely agree on.

We both love you to bits.

- Maybe the Leonard genes

weren't so weird after all.

Sarge explained to me what he told Mr. Streeton.

- Homeless fellow, early 20s, beard, longish hair.

Called himself Monster,

reckoned the car was his.

Been through a bit of a rough draws, eh?

It's, ah, still got a but of a pong.

I don't think there's much to be gained in charging him.

Right.

I'll see you on the tele then.

- Family cars, family deals, so come on down.

- It's on.

- It's on, it's on, it's on!

- Oh look, there's Vicki. Isn't she lovely?

- Come on down to Big Barry Streeton's anniversary sale.

- Where family is our business.

And our business is family.

- Bit syrupy.

- Yeah. I wouldn't buy a car from that man.

He looks a little bit shifty.

- Would you buy a special off that man,

would you monkey boy?

Would monkey boy buy one?

Would monkey boy like a little banana?

(monkey sounds)

- There are some things you would never want to trade.

Like the moment Mystery Girl asked me to go surfing.

And the moment Phillip almost got to kiss Lisa.

- Lisa run out of oranges at Netball.

Lucky I had some left over, so we shared one.

I reckon that was as good as a kiss.

- True enough.

- Remember when we used to take the old girl

to the drive?

Remember when I raced you to the hospital

when Lockie was on the way?

- And Phillip.

- What do you reckon, Lock, should we trade her in?

- Not a chance, Sarge. Not a chance.

(lively rock music)

♫ Boy is breaking

♫ underneath the weight of strain

♫ Worlds away from anyone

♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun

♫ Worlds away from anyone

♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun

♫ There was just enough to get them far away