Original subtitles

("Worlds Away" by Jebediah)

♫ Worlds away from anyone they were burning

♫ themselves out in the sun

♫ Worlds away from anyone they were burning

♫ themselves out in the sun

♫ It was just enough to get them far away

♫ Oooh, ooh ooh ooh

♫ Oooh, ooh ooh ooh

(upbeat music)

- You're cruising along okay, minding your own business,

and for a moment there, everything is just fine

and dandy.

You might've spent the last three hours in the water,

perfecting your re-entry.

And then you nail it.

Or spent the day just goofing around

or slacking out with your brother in front of

tv cartoons, hosted by a girl in some really

random outfit.

- of great entries so far, including this one,

from Malcolm Hankle in Maroochydore.

Way to go Malcolm, you rock.

- Come on, made your point, shut up!

- Lady, go away!

Move on!

- [Together] Just show us the cartoons.

- So without any further adieu, here's...

- [Together] Yeah! Woo hoo!

- And if you stop to think about it, you might even

say this is good, you know, I'm happy.

And then,

from somewhere in the deepest, darkest

part of the jungle,

something stirs.

(moroccan music)

(lightning crashes)

These guys will say they're your friend.

Don't believe them.

These guys are the worst kind of trouble.

These are the guys that'll get you busted.

They're crazy and dumb, and they want to party all night

and get trashed.

If these guys were a motorcycle gang, they'd have

called themselves the Night Stalkers or the Tomb Raiders.

But no, these guys have a name that is way more

scary than that, these guys are your hormones.

(sirens)

- KG, I'm in pursuit of some rampaging hormones.

They're heading south from the suspect's pituitary gland

and to his trinky bits.

(sirens)

- [Together] Wooo hoo hoo!

(laughing)

- Excuse me, I didn't ask for any of this!

- [Together] But we're here, and we're staying.

Wooo!

- You've guessed it, hello puberty.

Puberty is Nature's way of saying it's time you

had a makeover.

Puberty is like one of those tv shows, where they

send people away for the weekend so they can

redesign their garden.

And it's like, wow, mega surprise!

- Surprise!

(screams)

Whoa.

- Hi mom, hi Sarge.

(laughing)

- Look at the growth.

- So the team's come in, and they've given you

the makeover.

They've yanked this bit up and pushed this bit out,

and they've given you a lawn in a place where you

never had a lawn before.

- Mwah.

Oh wow, he looks amazing.

- Ah, hello gorgeous.

(heart beating)

And then, just to finish it off, they've added

a water feature.

(fanfare music)

(screams)

No, sorry, not ready for this stuff.

- It's morning, a new day,

and with morning comes adventure.

I wonder what new challenges await me after

yet another piddle free night, thanks to

Cyril the Sheep and his magic bedwetting fleece?

(sheep bleats)

- For the first time ever, I was jealous of Phillip.

I thought how great it would be to be 10 again,

with no hormones, and no water features.

- Getting up, Locke?

- Uh, no I think I'm gonna stay here for another

moment or two.

- It's morning, and with morning comes

(bell dings)

breakfast.

(creaks)

(spy music)

- Embarrassing, embarrassing, destroy the evidence.

Quietly.

Destroy the evidence.

Embarrassing, embarrassing.

Okay, destroy the evidence.

Yes, quietly.

Quietly destroy the evidence.

Whoa!

All right, the laundry.

Washing machine.

Okay, good, made it, made it.

What do I do?

How much powder?

Help me, someone, come on, two capfuls?

What's a capful?

What does this do?

Right, okay, the bathroom.

Cold, cold, hurting, cold, ouch.

Ugh.

Wringing out a bed sheet is harder than strangling

a friendly dog.

(dog yelps)

Okay, good.

Wring, wring out.

Okay.

Good, tie knot, tap.

Okay good.

Okay, twist.

The tap!

Oh no!

I am not hysterical.

I am not hysterical!

(suspenseful music)

- You're up early.

- I'm sleep walking.

Don't wake me or something terrible might happen.

(snoring)

- Lockie, you awake yet?

- No, I'm totally out to it.

- Mind the step.

- Oh, ugh.

(birds cawing)

- Good news, my great acting had fooled Sarge.

And no one knew what my hormones had done to my sheets.

(fanfare music)

Yep, business as usual here.

- Sarge, will you be bumping into Lisa today?

- More than likely Phillip, why do you ask?

- No reason.

But if you do happen to bump into her by any chance,

Lisa, could you tell her P.L. said hello?

- Yes, I can do that Phillip, certainly.

Who's P.L.?

- Me, I am.

P.L., Phillip Leonard, who do you think it is?

- Pet Loony.

- And don't forget your Maths Mentals, Lockie.

I'm putting it here, look, on the table,

next to you, okay?

Lockie, here it is, right here.

Okay?

Lockie?

(psycho music)

- Before I forget

(knocks on table)

full attention, family announcement.

Mom's parents, that would be your grandparents,

will be gracing us with their presence for the

next two weeks.

Or thereabouts.

(sighing)

Come on, be fair, I don't want any silly over-the-top

reactions about this.

- Why not?

They're horrible.

- Come on, mom.

Nan and Pop, not that bad.

- Yes they are, they're just horrible.

Horrible.

Well, I think they are.

- Afternoon, Lockie, Sergeant, afternoon.

- Reverend, how's things?

- You meeting someone off the bus?

- No, Mrs. Eggleson is taking some of her artworks

to Perth for an exhibition.

- Oh, very good.

- Now, Lockie, have you thought about coming along

to youth group this evening?

- Ah.

- I think I've almost persuaded Geoff.

- Well, yeah, I mean...

- We have some pretty cool acts planned for tonight,

it could get pretty outrageous.

- I bet it could.

- Ah, he'll be there, don't worry.

(gaol cell door slamming)

- See you tonight, it's gonna go off!

- Okay.

Here they are.

Hello, over here!

Smile.

- Quick, Sarge, put 'em back on the bus before

it's too late.

I'll pay.

- Oh yeah?

How much?

- I don't know where you get two weeks from.

I'm giving them three days, max.

- We're back. - Hi, here we are.

Hello, hello dear.

It's been too long.

- Yes.

(floors creaking)

- Little beauty, mwah.

- So, Nan, Pop, what do you think of the house?

- How far away is the local golf club?

- Come through and have a look at the yard.

I've grown quite fond of it.

Come through.

(floors creaking)

- Take my arm, Pop, help me.

- Careful, Nan, you could break a hip.

(birds chirping)

(sheep bleating)

- Oh dear, Joy, oh dear.

- This is appalling.

- I've made some scones.

(sheep bleating)

We'll have them out here, shall we?

(birds chirping)

- It's good to see you both.

Been too long.

- Is that thing quite safe, Pop?

(sheep bleats)

- A fully grown ram with a foot rope, I shouldn't

think so, mother, not for a moment.

What's the story, Joy, what on Earth are you thinking?

- Pop, Cyril is a family pet.

I think Cyril has something important to say about

the choices we make in this family.

- Cyril has something important to say?

Like what?

Baaaah?

(laughing)

- Outside, things were pretty tense.

But inside my head, things were worse.

(heavy metal music)

Something was brewing in my brain,

like a big, dark scary storm.

- Cyril's my hero.

If it weren't for Cyril, things would be a lot

soggier around here.

(baby babbles)

- Hear that?

She's talking!

She's not slow at all.

- That big, dark, scary storm?

Upgrade it to a cyclone.

Slow?

Who says she's slow?

- Can't walk, can't talk, I hear crawls backwards.

- That baby is perfectly normal.

Well, fairly normal.

- Look, Blob's fine, all right?

She just has weird eating habits, that's all.

- That's enough, Lockie.

(heavy metal music)

- It was official, my hormones had cruised into town,

and they were here to stay.

From now on, my brain was their playground.

Whenever they chose, they could take it over,

and make me do crazy, dumb things.

- It's all right, Sarge, I'm used to it.

I've always known I've taken second place to Pop's

nine iron, and Pop always says my brother and I

are his handicap of two.

- I will not have my wife playing second fiddle

to a golf baggie.

It's time someone stood up to your father.

I'm thinking of giving him a piece of my mind.

- No, Sarge, it's all right.

I will manage.

- It was about time someone told Nan and Pop the truth.

And decided that I was the man for the job.

(heavy metal music)

Yeah, that'd be right, talk about the golf links.

You two are the missing links, all right.

So when are you gonna wake up yourselves,

and think about others for once?

One of those crazy, dumb things hormones make you do.

Say things out loud you should keep in your head.

- Pop says you're being sullen.

Sullen and abusive.

- Geez, Sarge.

- Calm down, now what's going on?

- What's going on is this, our flamin' grandparents...

- Are just inside the house, so keep it down.

- Sorry, but it's hopeless.

They drive me crazy.

And you, and mom.

- They can't help being old.

- I don't mind them being old, but why do they have to

be troublemakers?

- Because...

They're...

They're your mom's parents, all right?

- Well I know I can't get a refund, but they need

to be taken down a peg, Sarge.

- Lockie, you are not helping the situation.

- Ugh.

- Now come on.

- I also hoped puberty didn't mean it was compulsory

to have big fights with your parents.

'Cause I quite liked mine.

So, what's happening, are you up for your dad's

youth group thing?

- No, no way.

Except, I'm being led on.

- Same.

- It's emotional blackmail.

I may never get over this.

- Okay, yo, we're the Get With It group and we're on fire.

- He's been practising all day.

- Now, a joke.

- He's so bad.

I feel responsible for him.

- Does anybody know God's first name?

Anybody?

No?

It's Harold.

As in the Lord's prayer.

Harold be thy name.

Pause for laughter.

Yo.

(laughing)

- So right, you can't let him out on his own.

(guitar strumming)

(upbeat country style music)

There they were, hormonal and hormonaler.

I wondered if this was a sneak preview of my future.

(monkeys chattering)

Sorry, too scary!

- Okay, everybody, (mimes electric guitar rif)

wedo do do do do.

Happening.

Yo.

- Warning, warning, hormonal psychopaths approaching!

Okay, Lockie, stay calm.

Stay calm.

- What are you's two up to?

Apart from wetting yourselves?

- The joy of sharing an evening of thoughtful

fellowship with like-minded peers.

What about you?

- My dad made me.

- Same.

- Same.

- Same.

- Same.

- Hi there, man, this is like totally cool.

Gang, yo.

We're gonna all get on.

Okay, right.

(monkeys chattering)

Yo.

- Yo.

- So, hey.

(heart beating)

- Hay?

Horses eat hay.

She's got a name, you know, so've I.

- It's Vicki, hers.

Her name.

Vicki.

Yeah, absolutely.

(laughing nervously and clears throat)

- Do you two do everything together?

- Team.

You're at one world.

- Yeah.

- Together forever.

- Yeah.

- Right, okay, gang, yo.

We're the Get With It group, and we're on heat!

Okay, all right.

A joke.

Now then, hang on, can anybody tell me

Harold's first name?

No, I mean God.

No, no, Harold is thy, sorry.

Wait a minute.

Let's, let's...

(strums guitar)

Yo.

(guitar music)

♫ Glory, glory, hallelujah,

♫ Glory, glory, hallelujah

♫ Glory, glory, hallelujah

- Then, just to make things even better, Rev

gathered us for group discussion.

- So if there was one word to describe what or who

you see in the mirror, that word would be?

- Daffodil.

- What?

One minute Boof's a psychopath, the next he's a flower.

What's that about?

Okay, too weird, get me out of here.

Trouble was, everything I tried to think about

so I wouldn't have to listen to Boof has made me

even grumpier.

Like, get this, Nan and Pop kicking me and Phillip

out of our beds and making us sleep on the living

room floor.

Or maybe it was just the thought that the more the

hormone thing kicked in, the more I might turn into that.

- And it worries me at night, why can't I do

a pee quietly when I know Annie Mavis is just

outside the toilet door?

- Hi.

There you are.

How's it been going?

- How's it been going?

How's it been going?

Well, funny you should ask.

By now my hormones created a whole new natural disaster

in my head.

This time it was more like a volcano, a massive,

angry volcano, spitting random stuff out everywhere.

And that, Vicki, is how it's been going, if you

really want to know.

- Yep, okay.

Got that.

(heavy metal music)

- Ah, you clam, you idiot!

Why did you go off with Vicki?

You idiotic, idiotic, idiot!

Man, if this is your hormones at work, those little

guys were taking me places I didn't want to go.

I also had some apologies to make.

Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Streeton.

I was wondering if I could possibly have a word

with Vicki?

- Of course, not a problem.

- Vicki, Lockie's here to see you.

- Hi Lockie.

I won't be a second.

For some reason all my clothes have just fallen off.

(symphonic music)

(fanfare music)

(screaming)

- [Together] (screaming) Aargh!

Double argh!

- I wet the bed again.

- I promise you Phil, I'd rather be in your shoes.

- But I've wet the bed.

It doesn't make any sense, I did everything.

I stroked Cyril's fleece, this makes no sense.

- Okay, we'll discuss the science later.

For now, let's prioritise our response.

- [Pop] Excuse me, I'm in here.

- Sorry, Pop.

- What's he doing?

- I don't know.

- Isn't there any privacy in this house?

- Come on.

- Gosh, Lockie, mom's really losing it, look at this.

Look at the size of it.

Blob could just about curl up and sleep in this one.

- Here, let's see.

Hey, wait a minute.

These aren't for Blob.

Look at this, they're Pop's!

- What?

- They're Pop's incontinence pads.

For when he wets the bed.

- What?

Lockie, what are you saying to me?

How old is Pop?

He must be 100, at least.

Don't tell me that I'm going to be wetting the bed

every night for the next 100 years?

- No, it's just old people sometimes.

They have a problem with their waterworks,

if you know what I mean.

- Let me get this straight, you wet the bed

when you're very young.

You wet the bed when you're very old.

And in between times, you wet the bed every time

you dream about a girl in her underwear,

is that what you're saying?

- Or bikini, or shorts.

Pretty much.

Anything will do, really.

- So maybe there'll be this tiny window when I'm about

56-and-a-half when I can finally look forward to

a decent night's sleep?

(knocking)

- Excuse me, boys, I may have left something in the

bathroom, something rather personal.

- Don't worry, Pop, we'll be right out.

- Vicki wants you to ask her out.

If you don't ask her out pretty soon, she'll

get offended and never talk to you again.

- Okay, so maybe my 10-year-old lip-smacking little

brother had a point.

Unlike me, he was still able to think clearly.

Puberty wasn't setting off natural disasters

in his head yet.

- This is my big problem with Lisa.

If I don't make my move soon, she's going to

start to resent me.

- Come on Phillip, we should try and get some sleep.

- I don't dare.

- Neither do I.

- Time to put out the lights, Pop.

- Don't worry about me, Nan, I'll be all right.

(floorboards creaking)

- Night, Lockie.

- Night, Phillip.

- Good luck.

- Same to you, mate.

And Pop.

(brook bubbling)

("Worlds Away" by Jebediah)

♫ Oooh, oooh oooh oooh, oooh oooh oooh.

♫ Boy is breaking underneath the weight of strain

♫ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey hey

♫ Worlds away from anyone they were burning

♫ themselves out in the sun

♫ Worlds away from anyone they were burning

♫ themselves out in the sun

♫ It was just enough to get them far away

♫ Oooh, oooh oooh oooh, oooh oooh oooh.