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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,959 Alexa, please order a boy's sneaker size 10. 2 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:05,289 Air Max 95. 3 00:00:05,290 --> 00:00:06,881 - Thanks, girl! - Okay. 4 00:00:06,882 --> 00:00:08,879 No. Stop. Don't do that. 5 00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:10,699 What do you mean? I'm talking to my robot 6 00:00:10,700 --> 00:00:11,979 about a gift for Asher. 7 00:00:11,980 --> 00:00:13,799 And a gift for me. Uh, hey, babe. 8 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,429 Dave here again. 9 00:00:15,430 --> 00:00:19,310 Could you maybe order a men's size 11 Air Max 95? 10 00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:21,689 And get yourself something nice, too. Thanks, girl! 11 00:00:21,690 --> 00:00:23,620 Come on, Dave. 12 00:00:23,630 --> 00:00:25,779 We have to wait until his birthday to get new shoes. 13 00:00:25,780 --> 00:00:27,909 Hey, I want some Air Maxes, too. 14 00:00:27,910 --> 00:00:29,279 Uh, Alexa. 15 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:30,960 Left foot, size 11. 16 00:00:30,970 --> 00:00:32,783 Right foot, size 9 1/2. 17 00:00:34,530 --> 00:00:36,299 Can you imagine what it was like in the olden times 18 00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:37,799 when you had to actually click a button 19 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,459 and use your finger to buy stuff online 20 00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:41,041 and everyone had polio? 21 00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:45,929 You know, Sid Eisner thought that she had polio. 22 00:00:45,930 --> 00:00:49,669 Turns out her leg fell asleep at a sample sale. 23 00:00:49,670 --> 00:00:51,599 - Oh. - Hello. 24 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,999 Speaking of sample sales... 25 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,014 - Happy Friday Gifts! - Happy Friday Gifts! 26 00:00:56,015 --> 00:00:57,839 Happy Friday Gifts! 27 00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:01,319 Yay! We loved our Thursday gifts, 28 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:03,020 but these are even better. 29 00:01:04,140 --> 00:01:06,179 Guys, thank you so much, 30 00:01:06,180 --> 00:01:08,489 but the constant gifts have to stop. 31 00:01:08,490 --> 00:01:10,459 Oh, what's wrong with constant gifts? 32 00:01:10,460 --> 00:01:11,719 Yeah, especially Friday gifts. 33 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:13,740 Such a nice way to roll into the weekend. 34 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:18,161 Gifts are great, but, uh, you're gonna spoil them. 35 00:01:18,162 --> 00:01:20,999 Oh, all right. If that's what makes you happy, 36 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,669 not giving gifts will be our new gift. 37 00:01:23,670 --> 00:01:24,969 Look at us. 38 00:01:24,970 --> 00:01:26,460 When we don't give, we give. 39 00:01:26,470 --> 00:01:28,588 That's how good we are. 40 00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,669 - Guys. - Kids, come eat. 41 00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:33,099 I'm gonna start dinner with wine 42 00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:36,012 and probably finish with it, too. 43 00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,749 What's the matter? Did you have a bad day? 44 00:01:37,750 --> 00:01:39,725 Did one of those dogs attack you at work? 45 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:43,060 No, that's never happened. 46 00:01:43,062 --> 00:01:45,659 Thank you for always asking. 47 00:01:45,660 --> 00:01:47,359 I just like to be heavily buzzed 48 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:48,733 - when I'm here. - Ah. 49 00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,259 Me, too. 50 00:01:50,260 --> 00:01:52,109 Apple, tree. 51 00:01:52,110 --> 00:01:53,439 Oh! 52 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:56,099 - My tooth! - It's getting looser. 53 00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:58,285 He woke up with his first loose tooth today. 54 00:01:58,286 --> 00:02:00,630 The Tooth Fairy's coming so soon. 55 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:02,109 We're getting excited. 56 00:02:02,110 --> 00:02:05,139 You know, there's only one way to get that tooth out. 57 00:02:05,140 --> 00:02:06,793 - Dad. - Oh, yeah. 58 00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,049 Dad. Please, Dad. 59 00:02:08,050 --> 00:02:09,449 - You got to give it a little wiggle. - Dad. 60 00:02:09,450 --> 00:02:12,256 Do not do what you did to us, Dad. 61 00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:15,049 - Aah! - Oh, my God! 62 00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:20,056 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 63 00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:21,558 Joanna. 64 00:02:22,460 --> 00:02:23,749 I think you're taking advantage 65 00:02:23,750 --> 00:02:25,478 of having a contractor for a brother. 66 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,313 The electricity wasn't working. 67 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:29,273 It's a lightbulb. It's a basic wrist movement. 68 00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:32,068 Oh, David, stop teasing your sister. 69 00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,239 Some people aren't handy 70 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,739 and can use a little lipstick. 71 00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:38,479 Mom, my lipstick application is fine. 72 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:39,659 It's fine... 73 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:42,495 if you want to be single for the rest of your life. 74 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,649 Well, I'm not going to be 75 00:02:44,650 --> 00:02:47,458 because I'm going on a date tonight with Audrey, 76 00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:49,460 who thinks I'm amazing. 77 00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:51,789 So I take it you two have never met. 78 00:02:51,790 --> 00:02:54,090 She also thinks I have kids. 79 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:55,819 Now, what gave her that idea? 80 00:02:55,820 --> 00:02:58,339 The stains on your shirt or those... 81 00:02:58,340 --> 00:03:00,264 earth shoes? 82 00:03:00,270 --> 00:03:02,539 No, no. 83 00:03:02,540 --> 00:03:04,879 On our first date, I said something about 84 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,699 taking my baby to the park to run around, 85 00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:09,460 and she just assumed I meant humans. 86 00:03:09,470 --> 00:03:12,108 It was offensive. 87 00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:13,527 But you didn't correct her? 88 00:03:13,528 --> 00:03:16,039 Well, no, because she's so cool 89 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,448 and smells like honey. Is that really bad? 90 00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:21,743 I mean, yeah, it's a full-on lie. 91 00:03:21,744 --> 00:03:25,179 No, no. It's fine. It's just a fib. 92 00:03:25,180 --> 00:03:27,239 A fib-let. Everybody fibs. 93 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,129 Don't listen to the informant over here. 94 00:03:29,130 --> 00:03:30,836 It's a full lie. 95 00:03:32,330 --> 00:03:34,229 When I first met your father, 96 00:03:34,230 --> 00:03:37,199 I told him that I had just broken up with my fiancé, 97 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,279 and I was a dentist 98 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:41,599 because I wanted to seem desirable and educated. 99 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:44,307 I mean, who doesn't like a dentist? 100 00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:46,309 What are we talking about here? 101 00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,819 I'm just saying that sometimes fibbing can work out. 102 00:03:48,820 --> 00:03:50,439 I mean, look at me and Daddy. 103 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,639 Our love was born from a fib. 104 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,569 I don't know. Audrey really values honesty. 105 00:03:55,570 --> 00:03:57,099 I feel like if I tell her the truth, 106 00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:58,610 she's gonna break up with me. 107 00:03:58,614 --> 00:04:00,879 I mean, she should probably think about it, right? 108 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:01,949 - David! - You're lying. 109 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,035 We get it. 110 00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:05,759 Anyway, I got to scoot. 111 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,839 Rebecca and I are the Tooth Fairy tonight, 112 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:09,080 and I want to get into character. 113 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,669 I'm gonna go as a fairy 114 00:04:10,670 --> 00:04:11,999 who knows how to treat everybody else, 115 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,629 but isn't quite sure how to treat himself. 116 00:04:13,630 --> 00:04:16,540 Oh, that's so sweet. 117 00:04:16,550 --> 00:04:17,659 It's so nice. 118 00:04:17,660 --> 00:04:19,300 My son is a tooth fairy, 119 00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:23,299 and my daughter found someone special enough to fib to. 120 00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:24,929 - I'm so proud. - Yeah? 121 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,620 You think we really needed to dress up? 122 00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:37,359 Of course we did. 123 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,369 A whole costume? 124 00:04:38,370 --> 00:04:40,399 I mean, our son's not even gonna see it. He's asleep. 125 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:41,749 But we're not. 126 00:04:41,750 --> 00:04:44,749 Besides, I've had this Halloween costume from 10 years ago, 127 00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:46,940 and now it gets a second use. 128 00:04:46,950 --> 00:04:48,247 I feel good. 129 00:04:49,150 --> 00:04:51,667 Okay. Got the dollar ready. 130 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,279 Are you insane? 131 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:57,460 One dollar? You got to give him a 20. 132 00:04:57,464 --> 00:05:00,089 What? No. That's ridiculous. 133 00:05:00,090 --> 00:05:01,679 What do you mean, "ridiculous"? It's perfectly fine. 134 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,469 That's what my parents gave to me when I was a kid. 135 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:04,859 Yeah, of course they did. 136 00:05:04,860 --> 00:05:06,820 That's why they're broke and living down the hall. 137 00:05:07,790 --> 00:05:09,659 Asher is getting one dollar. 138 00:05:09,660 --> 00:05:10,929 We're not spoiling him. 139 00:05:10,930 --> 00:05:14,439 Fine, but you're being too logical, Rebecca. 140 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,693 We're supposed to be fairies, and fairies aren't logical. 141 00:05:17,694 --> 00:05:19,559 Fairies are whimsical. 142 00:05:25,260 --> 00:05:26,819 So I'm looking for a new job, 143 00:05:26,820 --> 00:05:28,359 and I told the guy that I interviewed with today 144 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:30,204 that I need flexible hours. 145 00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:31,665 I'm a mom. You get it. 146 00:05:31,666 --> 00:05:35,199 Yeah, I get it because I'm definitely a mom, also, 147 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:36,789 as you know. 148 00:05:36,790 --> 00:05:40,006 So, um, what do your kids do while you're at work? 149 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:44,359 Um. Sometimes I bring them to work with me to groom them 150 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,120 because if I don't, they'll chew on my shoes. 151 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,932 - Because they're dogs. - What? 152 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,018 I don't have kids. 153 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,609 I... 154 00:05:53,610 --> 00:05:55,239 It was just a misunderstanding on our first date, 155 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,139 and I just went with it. 156 00:05:57,140 --> 00:05:58,482 I'm so sorry. 157 00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:02,321 So that's why you said they rub their butts on the carpet. 158 00:06:02,322 --> 00:06:03,919 Yeah. 159 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:05,782 You're gonna break up with me, aren't you? 160 00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,039 No, no. 161 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,329 I actually think it's sweet that you went to so much trouble 162 00:06:09,330 --> 00:06:10,559 just to impress me. 163 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,299 Yeah. Focus on that. 164 00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:14,249 Don't focus on the web of lies. 165 00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:15,899 But the only problem is, 166 00:06:15,900 --> 00:06:17,759 I don't know when we're gonna be able to hang out again. 167 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:19,369 Every weekend, I have my kids. 168 00:06:19,370 --> 00:06:22,254 Oh, no. It's fine because I have kids in my life, too. 169 00:06:22,255 --> 00:06:24,634 I mean, not my own, but I have a niece and nephew. 170 00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:26,215 I'm with them all the time on weekends. 171 00:06:26,216 --> 00:06:28,763 Well, then, maybe we can get the kids together. 172 00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:31,339 Unless that's like moving too fast? 173 00:06:31,340 --> 00:06:34,889 No, let's move very fast, like right now in the car. 174 00:06:34,890 --> 00:06:36,060 Oh. 175 00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:42,300 Ow. 176 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:44,850 I stepped on a Lego! 177 00:06:45,550 --> 00:06:46,599 I need surgery! 178 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:49,599 - I have to go to the hospital right now! - Dave, stop, you're fine. 179 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,079 - Shh! Shh! - To the fire! To the fire, we go! 180 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:53,319 - Shut that thing off! - Uh-oh! 181 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,139 - No survivors! - No survivors? 182 00:06:55,140 --> 00:06:56,899 - To the fire! To the fire, we go! - No survivors? 183 00:06:56,900 --> 00:07:00,294 - Uh-oh! No survivors! - Shh. 184 00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,319 Do not jeopardize this mission. 185 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:05,174 If Asher wakes up, he'll lose his childlike wonder. 186 00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:07,259 Now let's make it rain on our son. 187 00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:12,499 He's never slept this late. 188 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:14,079 Yeah, he probably found the dollar 189 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:16,519 and is in there trying to figure out what it is. 190 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,814 - Mom, Dad?! - Ooh, he's up! 191 00:07:18,815 --> 00:07:20,898 Act like we're sleeping. 192 00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:24,360 The Tooth Fairy gave me $101! 193 00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:25,612 - What?! - What?! 194 00:07:25,630 --> 00:07:28,649 The Tooth Fairy gave me $101! 195 00:07:28,650 --> 00:07:29,689 Well, $100. 196 00:07:29,690 --> 00:07:31,360 What do I need this dollar for? 197 00:07:33,140 --> 00:07:34,699 What the hell did you do?! 198 00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:36,415 Did you think it was a dollar in the dark? 199 00:07:36,416 --> 00:07:38,559 Me? What? Who carries a hundred-dollar bill 200 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,293 besides a high-class cokehead? 201 00:07:41,550 --> 00:07:43,421 I have one guess. 202 00:07:43,422 --> 00:07:46,215 The Tooth Fairy's real. 203 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,300 No! It's clearly your parents! 204 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:55,639 I cannot believe you gave Asher $100. 205 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:56,819 Oh, it wasn't us. 206 00:07:56,820 --> 00:07:59,062 It was the Tooth Fairy. 207 00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:01,889 There was only a dollar under there. 208 00:08:01,890 --> 00:08:03,800 Did you think it was a 20 in the dark? 209 00:08:05,060 --> 00:08:06,400 Why would you do that, Dad? 210 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,487 He's happy. What's the big deal? 211 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,947 You don't have the money to do this. 212 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,826 Oh, we always have money for our gorgeous grandchildren. 213 00:08:12,827 --> 00:08:15,320 Yeah, David. We may be cash-poor, 214 00:08:15,330 --> 00:08:17,664 but we're tooth-rich. 215 00:08:19,180 --> 00:08:20,539 What does that even mean? 216 00:08:20,540 --> 00:08:25,359 Guys, $100 for a tooth is way too much money. 217 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,320 It sets a terrible precedent. 218 00:08:27,330 --> 00:08:30,379 But we wanted to see the excitement in Asher's eyes 219 00:08:30,380 --> 00:08:32,261 and the smile on his face. 220 00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,759 You're not going to get that with a dollar. 221 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:36,679 Look, it's all nice, 222 00:08:36,680 --> 00:08:39,460 but it teaches them the wrong lesson about money. 223 00:08:39,470 --> 00:08:41,840 We just had this conversation. 224 00:08:41,850 --> 00:08:43,599 I want to be able to raise my kids 225 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,270 the way I was raised. 226 00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:47,519 In Tampa? 227 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:49,959 No. 228 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,073 I want my kids to value what they have, 229 00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:53,864 whether that's a little or a lot. 230 00:08:53,865 --> 00:08:56,419 I mean, they're never going to learn the value of anything 231 00:08:56,420 --> 00:08:58,629 if gifts and money are just thrown at them. 232 00:08:58,630 --> 00:08:59,999 Like what you did with Dave. 233 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,039 It's hurtful but true. 234 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:03,460 We're their grandparents. 235 00:09:03,470 --> 00:09:05,459 - Grandparents spoil. - Yes. 236 00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:06,959 Yeah, when you would come over on a Saturday 237 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,199 and bring a treat, sure. That's fine. 238 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,634 But now that you live here, this stuff can't happen anymore. 239 00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:12,969 Oh, all right. Fine. 240 00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:14,679 It's your house, your rules. 241 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:17,939 But us not giving our perfect model grandchildren gifts 242 00:09:17,940 --> 00:09:21,310 is only hurting them and us and you. 243 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:22,719 How is it hurting us? 244 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:23,730 I don't know! 245 00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:27,484 I can't think straight when I'm frustrated! 246 00:09:27,485 --> 00:09:28,600 It's true. 247 00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,419 One time, she was at the DMV, 248 00:09:30,420 --> 00:09:33,279 she told everybody she was 6'8". 249 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,439 It's true. It was a horrible experience. 250 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,429 I was there for three hours with nothing to nosh on! 251 00:09:38,430 --> 00:09:41,299 Those people at the DMV are terrible hosts! 252 00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:42,660 I'll be in my room! 253 00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:45,799 Oh, great. 254 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,919 Now the only way to calm her down 255 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,959 would be to pour her a big sambuca, 256 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,939 put on Erykah Badu, and... 257 00:09:51,940 --> 00:09:53,009 see what happens. 258 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,279 Just because we buy the kids gifts 259 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,849 doesn't mean that we're spoiling them. 260 00:10:02,850 --> 00:10:04,989 Oh, look at that little sweet boy. 261 00:10:04,990 --> 00:10:06,819 Hm, he's the real gift. 262 00:10:06,820 --> 00:10:08,567 He really is. 263 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:17,533 Sweetie, honey, don't throw out your toy. 264 00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,953 Then you'll have to use your imagination. 265 00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:25,079 Yeah, what's wrong with this? 266 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,520 It's old. 267 00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:33,299 Baby, I'm worried that we're ruining our grandchildren. 268 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,169 Should I cancel the trampoline? 269 00:10:44,150 --> 00:10:46,854 This is so exciting. 270 00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:49,449 It brings back such memories... 271 00:10:49,450 --> 00:10:51,610 from yesterday. 272 00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:55,659 To the fire! To the fire, we go! 273 00:10:55,660 --> 00:10:57,989 - Uh-oh! No survivors! - Shh! 274 00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,690 - To the fire! To the f... - Shh! Stop that! 275 00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:04,199 Jesus, who would buy them such a loud toy? 276 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,957 We did. We're the best. 277 00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:08,125 I'll grab the hundo, 278 00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:10,009 you leave the note and the dollar. 279 00:11:10,010 --> 00:11:11,200 Copy. 280 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:37,840 What did you do? 281 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,359 What did they do? They did something. 282 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:41,860 You tell me what you did. 283 00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,869 We didn't do anything. 284 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,287 Then why are you acting so weird? 285 00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:47,374 We're... drunk. 286 00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,960 The Tooth Fairy took the hundred back. 287 00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:53,580 The Tooth Fairy hates me. 288 00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:57,420 That's not true. 289 00:11:59,420 --> 00:12:01,011 You took the money back? 290 00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,799 The Tooth Fairy doesn't do that? 291 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,839 That's against the rules of whimsy! 292 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:09,639 I'm sorry! I thought the note would help. 293 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:11,260 Is that what this is? 294 00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:16,239 Because the first half is written like a ransom note. 295 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:19,488 And the second half is in your handwriting. 296 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,866 Well, I got tired cutting all those little letters. 297 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:25,739 Can you imagine being a serial killer? 298 00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:29,999 I mean, type it out. What are you, a psycho? 299 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,919 Y-Yes, Mom. That's their whole thing. 300 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,923 I mean, you... you put lipstick on and kissed the note. 301 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:41,261 Yes, I did. 302 00:12:43,340 --> 00:12:46,119 "Dear Asher, sorry. 303 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:47,509 I overpaid. 304 00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:49,599 Love, the Tooth Fairy. 305 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,779 P.S., you're gorgeous and look like a baby French model. 306 00:12:52,780 --> 00:12:55,399 You have your daddy's sexy lips." 307 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,539 Well, he does. 308 00:12:57,540 --> 00:12:59,350 And you are gorgeous. 309 00:13:00,270 --> 00:13:03,349 Well, thanks. Now my son thinks the Tooth Fairy hates him. 310 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:06,243 He's gonna be traumatized for the rest of his life. 311 00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:08,496 Tell your parents they're on notice! 312 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,619 I'm sorry, Rebecca. 313 00:13:11,620 --> 00:13:13,979 Oh, David, what can we do? 314 00:13:13,980 --> 00:13:15,836 - We can sneak in again. - No! 315 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,755 No more sneaking! 316 00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:20,479 I hate when we upset you. 317 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,879 Well, then, stop doing it. 318 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,596 Just let us handle the parenting in our own home. 319 00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:26,979 Wow. 320 00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:31,099 Boy, the Tooth Fairy sure has gotten complicated. 321 00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:32,889 I remember when it was just putting on a hat, 322 00:13:32,890 --> 00:13:33,899 taking a couple of shots, 323 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,679 and tip-toeing in with a 20. 324 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:43,399 Hey. So is it okay if I invite Audrey 325 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,389 and her kids over for a playdate? 326 00:13:45,390 --> 00:13:47,993 I mean, no, not really. 327 00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:50,790 Joanna, our whole life is awkward playdates. 328 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,700 Why would we want to have one with someone we don't know? 329 00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:55,709 Because she's here. 330 00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:56,961 Because she's here. 331 00:13:58,580 --> 00:14:01,899 David, we really want to make Asher feel better. 332 00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:03,258 What can we do to help? 333 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,269 You want to help? 334 00:14:04,270 --> 00:14:05,999 You can, uh, entertain this playdate 335 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,679 that Joanna just sprung on me. 336 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,431 Audrey is here with her kids. 337 00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:13,268 The mom that you fibbed to that smells like honey?! 338 00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:15,979 Oh! I got to see and smell this. 339 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,483 I have no clue what you're talking about, but I'm in, too! 340 00:14:18,484 --> 00:14:19,659 Okay, okay, Mom. 341 00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:21,986 It would mean a lot to me if you guys can try to be normal 342 00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,571 - for like an hour. - Oh, come on. 343 00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:24,940 Joanna, you act like we don't know 344 00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:27,157 how to behave in front of people. 345 00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:28,779 We have been on this planet 346 00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:30,780 a very long time, honey. 347 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:35,039 Oh, hello. You're at the wrong house. 348 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,419 We're waiting for a dumpy lesbian. 349 00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:40,139 Mom! 350 00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:41,299 What? 351 00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:43,048 This is Audrey. 352 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:46,885 This? With the here and the there? 353 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:50,097 Very good, Joanna. 354 00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:53,209 I'm sorry. I should not have had you come here. 355 00:14:53,210 --> 00:14:56,839 - It's okay. - Oh, no, no! Do your thing. 356 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:58,239 You want something to eat? 357 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,939 I'll make the food. At this short notice, 358 00:15:00,940 --> 00:15:03,528 - I can make four kinds of fish. - Do it! 359 00:15:03,529 --> 00:15:07,099 All right, everybody's ready for their ice cream. 360 00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:08,240 Hey, hey, guys. 361 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,579 I want you to meet some new friends of mine. 362 00:15:10,580 --> 00:15:12,327 Hey. Where are your kids? 363 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,912 Oh, they drove separately. 364 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,331 "Drove"? 365 00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:20,335 Hey. Is there a place I can pee? 366 00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:23,539 You mean like a bathroom? 367 00:15:23,540 --> 00:15:25,259 Uh, what's happening? 368 00:15:25,260 --> 00:15:28,039 Oh, Joanna invited a playdate over, and the mom is super hot, 369 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:29,600 and the kids appear old enough to date. 370 00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:33,419 Hey, what's your address? 371 00:15:33,420 --> 00:15:35,768 My boyfriend's coming by. He's an MMA fighter. 372 00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:38,354 Mnh-mnh. Not giving it to you. 373 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:42,139 Joanna, I didn't realize your niece and nephew were so young. 374 00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:43,599 Yeah, no, no. It's okay. It's okay. 375 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,079 They still have a lot in common. 376 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:46,939 Like she said, her boyfriend's an MMA fighter, 377 00:15:46,940 --> 00:15:49,260 and Asher here just lost a tooth, so... 378 00:15:49,270 --> 00:15:51,029 Blood stuff. 379 00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:54,869 The Tooth Fairy took my money back. She hates me. 380 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:57,299 Who cares? Tooth Fairy's not real. 381 00:15:57,300 --> 00:15:58,457 It's just your parents. 382 00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,424 The [BLEEP] was that? 383 00:16:09,450 --> 00:16:12,129 Do not curse in front of my kids. 384 00:16:12,130 --> 00:16:13,299 How are you mad at me? 385 00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:16,267 She just said that the Tooth Fairy's not real. 386 00:16:16,268 --> 00:16:17,559 Look. 387 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,999 She probably shouldn't have said that, 388 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,199 but I'm glad she did. 389 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:21,897 I don't believe in lying to kids. 390 00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:23,900 Well, we do! 391 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,139 It's just showing them 392 00:16:26,140 --> 00:16:27,987 that you don't respect them as your equals. 393 00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:29,640 They're not our equals. 394 00:16:29,650 --> 00:16:32,400 That one? He's scared of macaroni. 395 00:16:33,780 --> 00:16:35,999 And that one? She can't say her "L"s. 396 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,280 I mean, I love you, Hazel. 397 00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:39,164 Wove you, Daddy. 398 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:42,251 You just ruined our kids' childhood. 399 00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:43,919 Yeah, and you don't even seem sorry. 400 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,219 I'm not. I think we should leave. 401 00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:48,799 Honestly? Your family is a lot. 402 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,619 Yeah, well, I think that's a great idea. 403 00:16:50,620 --> 00:16:52,339 You know, I thought you were so cool 404 00:16:52,340 --> 00:16:53,654 with your no-BS attitude, 405 00:16:53,655 --> 00:16:56,519 but it turns out you're just a gorgeous, stunning, 406 00:16:56,520 --> 00:17:00,144 arrogant jerk with legs for days! 407 00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:05,439 I'm sorry it took a minute, 408 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:10,649 but one of the fish was still alive. 409 00:17:15,180 --> 00:17:16,949 I'm just so sorry Audrey and her kids 410 00:17:16,950 --> 00:17:18,784 turned out to be such jerks. 411 00:17:18,785 --> 00:17:21,199 I thought she and I had a real connection, 412 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:25,009 but I guess I was just connecting with her beautiful, hot face. 413 00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:27,254 - Oh, boy. - Don't forget the legs. 414 00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:29,579 - I can still smell her. - What a gorgeous girl. 415 00:17:29,580 --> 00:17:32,259 Her butt, too, was tight. 416 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:35,412 I just feel so bad for Asher. 417 00:17:35,413 --> 00:17:37,479 First, the Tooth Fairy steals money from him, 418 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,599 and then he finds out she's not even real. 419 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,979 You know, Rebecca, I know you probably don't trust us right now, 420 00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:46,139 but I really think me and Stew could fix this. 421 00:17:46,140 --> 00:17:47,859 Yeah, we have a real way with these things. 422 00:17:47,860 --> 00:17:50,599 - Yeah. - Hmm, you don't, 423 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,599 but it can't get any worse, so why not? 424 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,979 - Come on, Stew. Come on. - All right, all right, all right. 425 00:17:55,980 --> 00:17:57,639 You know, I think it actually can get worse, 426 00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,459 so we're just gonna come and monitor the situation. 427 00:17:59,460 --> 00:18:00,660 Yeah. 428 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,040 Hey, buddy. How you doing? 429 00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:05,619 Terrible. 430 00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:08,260 Aw, sweetie. Come here. 431 00:18:08,270 --> 00:18:12,219 Hey, you know when that perfect-looking woman's daughter 432 00:18:12,220 --> 00:18:15,379 said that there was no Tooth Fairy, 433 00:18:15,380 --> 00:18:17,305 it was your parents? 434 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,139 Well, she was telling the truth. 435 00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:22,039 - What? - It's all right. 436 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:23,199 This is why we're here. 437 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:24,729 Mom, how is this a good plan? 438 00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:31,152 Because, Asher, the Tooth Fairy is your parents. 439 00:18:33,740 --> 00:18:37,899 For every little boy and girl around the world. 440 00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:39,779 Yep. 441 00:18:39,780 --> 00:18:41,999 We just really love teeth, 442 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,081 and we pay kids for them. The end. 443 00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:46,460 So it's not the Tooth Fairy that hates me, 444 00:18:46,470 --> 00:18:47,999 it's you guys? 445 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,499 Oh, no. Asher, we love you. 446 00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:53,229 We love you, bud, but the 100 was an accident, 447 00:18:53,230 --> 00:18:55,255 and we just didn't want to spoil you. 448 00:18:55,256 --> 00:18:57,595 I can't believe you're the Tooth Fairy. 449 00:18:57,596 --> 00:18:59,560 I have the best parents ever. 450 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,101 And the best grandparents, too. 451 00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:08,179 When you die, will I become the Tooth Fairy? 452 00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:10,299 Uh. 453 00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:11,775 - Sure. Why not? - Yeah. 454 00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:14,060 - Yay! - Yay! 455 00:19:14,090 --> 00:19:17,329 - Yay! - Yay! 456 00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:19,940 It's like we're cheering our death. 457 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,019 Whelp, for all you guys did wrong, 458 00:19:25,020 --> 00:19:27,529 you were able to maintain Asher's childlike wonder. 459 00:19:27,530 --> 00:19:31,099 I mean, you made his parents the real Tooth Fairy. 460 00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:33,760 Honestly, to see my son look at me that way, 461 00:19:33,770 --> 00:19:35,964 it's the best gift you could have given. 462 00:19:35,965 --> 00:19:37,599 We're the best gift givers. 463 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,637 Everyone's talking about it. 464 00:19:41,010 --> 00:19:44,279 We gave Henry Hurwitz an iPad. 465 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,145 The next year, his wife drops dead. 466 00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:51,983 Now he's communicating with a woman in Oregon. 467 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,719 The best gift I ever got... 468 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,697 was a Chanel bathrobe. 469 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,784 Stay with us, Stew. 470 00:20:02,860 --> 00:20:04,669 But, Rebecca, you were right. 471 00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:08,379 Us giving the kids all those gifts was spoiling them. 472 00:20:08,380 --> 00:20:11,260 That's right. Now that we live in your house, 473 00:20:11,270 --> 00:20:12,878 we'll live by your rules. 474 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,339 - Thank you. - That's great. 475 00:20:14,340 --> 00:20:16,160 But the minute we move out, 476 00:20:16,170 --> 00:20:19,469 those kids are not gonna know what hit 'em! 477 00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,933 Hi, kids. We are the Tooth Fairies. 478 00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:30,189 We are a married couple who also run a business together. 479 00:20:30,190 --> 00:20:31,606 Are there any questions? 480 00:20:33,100 --> 00:20:35,940 Your costume makes no sense. 481 00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:38,039 I feel like that's more of a comment than a question. 482 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:39,480 Are there any questions? 483 00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:40,864 Yeah? 484 00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:43,200 I didn't get money from my last tooth. 485 00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:45,411 Oh, we will, uh, Venmo you. 486 00:20:47,038 --> 00:20:48,913 What do you do with the teeth? 487 00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,779 Uh, we... we make jewelry out of them. 488 00:20:50,780 --> 00:20:51,833 Mm-hmm. 489 00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:53,210 Why aren't you wearing any? 490 00:20:53,211 --> 00:20:56,421 - Uh, we sell them at craft fairs. - Mm. 491 00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:57,779 Which craft fairs? 492 00:20:57,780 --> 00:20:59,469 Out-of-town craft fairs. 493 00:20:59,470 --> 00:21:01,551 Stop with all the questions. Uh... 494 00:21:01,552 --> 00:21:03,513 Tell them what happens when you die. 495 00:21:03,514 --> 00:21:06,306 Um, when we die, 496 00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:08,850 - Asher will become the Tooth Fairy. - Yeah. 497 00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,960 Parents die? 498 00:21:13,220 --> 00:21:15,459 - We got to go! - Let's scram! 499 00:21:18,420 --> 00:21:22,060 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 36054

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