All language subtitles for Dalziel.And.Pascoe.1x02.An.Advancement.Of.Learning

We're gonna have to measure it first.

What's it reckoned to be, then?

FRENCH ACCENT: It symbolises youth.

You should see
a figure of a young woman.

She'll take a bit of shifting.
Did you make it, like?

I'm the artist.
But it was five years ago.

So you'll not want it cut up?
Absolutely not!

Got the message. Don't worry.
We'll get help.

SHE MUTTERS IN FRENCH

Are you foreign?
I'm French.

Thought you must be something!
Charlie?

My name is Douglas Pearl,
here as the legal representative
for Ms Anita Sewell.

The facts that bring us here today
are, as far as I am aware,
not under dispute.

Miss Sewell is reading
a joint degree course here

but has been told
she may not continue because
her marks in biology are too low

for her to attain the lowest pass
level by the end of the course.

Perhaps the principal will confirm
that this is so?

That is so.

Thank you.

The grounds for this appeal to the
governors are simple but painful.

For the past two years,

Miss Sewell was the mistress
of the senior lecturer in biology,
Dr Fallowfield.

She asserts that Dr Fallowfield
deliberately falsified her grades
to bring about her apparent failure.

She asserts that he ignored agreed
procedures in not referring the
situation to his head of department.

MACHINERY ROARS

I must object to this noise...

Keep coming.
Straight down there, Charlie.

How fares the inquisition?
Adjourned because of inaudibility.

I wasn't sure if I'd be welcome.
The historians are on your side.

And the modern languages department.

Innocent until proved guilty.
It's been in every civilised
constitution in history.

A united Europe is behind you.
Possibly not the dynamic duo
from the Paleolithic Age.

Mr Fallowfield. Miss Scotby.

It has been suggested...
By Miss Disney?

..that it is improper
for you to be here.

I am suspended from teaching.
I am not suspended from living.

I'm not suspended from coffee break.
Or from spending time with friends.

Hm!

Exits left in a cloud
of self-righteous indignation.

Batwoman continues to flex her wings.

Excuse me.

What's going on?

The usual battles
over the high moral ground.
That old thing!

What's happening outside?
Moving the sculpture.

They're shifting Big Al?
Our symbol of virgin youth?

I've heard it's not cost-effective.

Oh! This is not to be missed.

The English tradition, yes?
Watching people work?
Yes. We love it.

Coming, Sam? Be our guest?
No. I hate that thing.

Education is all creative demolition.

Ellie?
Why not?

Mr Fallowfield.

Whatever the outcome of the enquiry,
even if you are acquitted...

I'm not on trial, Miss Disney.

..it won't be the end of the affair.

The wages of sin, Mr Fallowfield...

Is there nothing in your doctrine
about turning the other cheek?

About loving your enemy?
How dare you preach to me?

Go on. Steady.

CROWD CHEERS AND CLAPS

♪ There she goes, there she goes. ♪

SINGING CONTINUES

Who wants this, then?

I'll take it.

'It's all yours, comrade.

'Away you go!

'Nice and easy!'

Hold it!

Bloody hell!

SLAB CREAKS

Tell me about this seat of learning.
Holm Coultram College. Now part of
the new University of Mid-Yorkshire.

Full of intellectuals? Very likely.

If the buggers get clever, pretend
you didn't hear or understand.

Nothing's funny if it's repeated
AND explained. Noted.

Holm Coultram?

Is that where your doxie teaches?
Yeah.

Ellie lectures in social sciences.

But where am I going to sleep?

I'll get this off to the lab.

So why were you moving
this piece of sculpture?

It's to make room for a new block.
Computer studies.

Obviously. Ask silly questions...

And er, when was it put there?
Five years ago.

It was a memorial to my predecessor,
designed by Miss Carreaux, our head
of fine arts. She's very gifted. Sir.

Ah. Alison Girling. 1940 to 1990.

She's well-remembered, isn't she?
An oil painting and a memorial?

She wasn't very old. What happened?

She died on holiday in Austria.
A bus crash, I believe.

You're not sure?
It happened before I arrived.

There must be an old guard
that was around in her day?

Indeed there is. Ah. I thought so.

There's always an old guard.
I'm a fully paid-up member meself.

We'll need their names and a place
to work. You can pitch camp here.
I can move in with the registrar.

And overnight accommodation. Save
us travelling time. Time's money,
they tell me. May I suggest...?

Sergeant Pascoe deals with
all my domestic arrangements.

So what do the witch doctors
have to tell us, Sergeant?

A woman's body. Their educated guess
is she died about five years ago.

Five years ago is when this hole
was dug, right? Yes, sir.

Trust the experts to tell you
what you know already.

Not long for a memorial, is it?

Proper memorials should last long
enough for every bugger to forget
what they're supposed to remember.

Like world wars and such.

My dad's on one of these, you know.
Just outside of Sheffield.

So, what manner of place is this,
Sergeant Wield?

It was a glorified poly. Five years
ago it became part of the university.

You make a place all modern,
next minute you got a woman's body
in the hole. Serves them right.

I couldn't agree more.

Oh, er...

Perhaps er, you could tell me why,
Ms er, Mrs er...? MISS Disney.

Ah. Traditional values.

Superintendent Dalziel.

This was a shrine to Miss Girling
and those good things we knew.

What is your speciality?
Divinity and classics.

Though we are now "subsumed
in a module called
ancient and medieval studies".

Decline and fall
everywhere you look, eh?

I was a student here when it was a
teacher training college for girls,

specialising in arts, crafts
and religious education.

What do we have now? Computers,
business studies, hotel management...

..and men.

Men?

It is not a happy place.
But they that wait upon the Lord
shall renew their strength.

The Book of Isaiah, I think? Indeed.

"There is no peace, saith the Lord,
unto the wicked."
Amen to that, Superintendent.

That, I take it, is Miss Disney.
Direct line to God. Mad as a hatter.

You can't beat a good Sunday school
education when grovelling to the
self-righteous. What's all that?

Your information pack. Who was here
five years ago, who's here now. Fax
numbers etc. What took you so long?

If you want a cup of tea, dial 101.
Here's your room key.
Have a nice day.

How's it er, going with the skull
and crossbones? Off to the lab now.

I want some answers.
We've got one answer.

It wasn't her own hair. It was a wig.
I knew a story about a bald woman,

but you're too young and sensitive.

Are you still here? Awaiting
instructions. Go and find your lass.
We need her to grass on her mates.

Excuse me. Excuse me.
We're all wasting taxpayers' money.

Ellie! What are you doing here?
Usual stuff. Making the campus safe.
Bodies under statues. Of course.

It's the job, lady, I'm paid for it.
How are you? Innocent!

Good. And you? All right. Better now.

Police harassment? Just routine.
I'm lecturing soon.
I'll carry your satchel.

You can give me a rundown on your
colleagues. I thought you wanted me
for my body(!) My colleagues, um...

Jane Scotby and Miss Disney are the
oldest inhabitants. Marion Carreaux,
art department, made the statue.

Henry Saltecombe, head of history,
enjoys a gossip. Sam Fallowfield...
No, that's another story. What?

Not relevant. This is where I work.

Me, I work on the mean streets.
My hero.

Can we can meet later on?
Definitely not.

8 o'clock in the bar.

Am I obtruding?
Not at all.

You missed the fun.
Surely I WAS the fun?

Not now. What's a sexual peccadillo
compared with buried bodies?

What's happened?
Stand me a beer and I'll tell you.

My money's on a simple student prank.
A plastic skeleton from Blackpool.

Nowadays, students only think
about CVs.

What about Ms Anita Sewell?
Does she want you on her CV?

Sorry, Sam. It's none of my business.

I don't give a damn what you did.
But I know what I think.

What do you think? She's being used.

Sexual harassment of a female student
by a respected lecturer.

They're all at it in the States and
it's spreading here like fast food.

The young can't help being young.

And you can't help thinking well
of people. It's your tragic flaw.

Oh, I've just remembered why I came.
I'd assumed moral support in
exchange for a beer on the way home.

This was in your pigeonhole.

Are you all right?

If not, you'll be the first to know.

Shall I tell you why I didn't stay
to see the fun, as you call it?

Go on.

Promise you won't ask me how I knew.

But I knew - about the body.

Trouble with this place,
they're all specialists.

You're a typical example. You have
one of them things. A degree, sir?

A degree in something.
Social sciences.

So you're equipped with specialist
knowledge to work in... Society?

But now you're a copper, allegedly,
and working in... Society, sir?

You've proved my point.
A specialist smartarse.

Why are these names underlined?
People who went missing
prior to December, 1990.

I'd made that connection without
a degree. Where's Sergeant Wield?
He's checking on the local dentists.

Is that the lab report? Yeah.

'Bout bloody time.
Give me the edited highlights.

Female, middle-aged, buried for
five or six years. Brilliant(!)

Height 5' 6". Fractured skull,
probably contributed to her death.

Left leg, two old breaks. Three
gold fillings, that should help.

Does anything match up?
Yes. Two people went missing
in December, 1990. Check it out.

DOOR OPENS

Back so soon, sunbeam? Guess what?

Those gold fillings
are Alison Girling's.

Also, a nurse told us Girling broke
her left leg twice while skiing.

Serves her right. Stupid pastime.

And in one of the skiing accidents,
she tore her scalp, leaving a scar.
Hence the wig. It all matches up.

She's been buried under her own
memorial for the last five years.

And nobody knew? Somebody knew.
Somebody dumped her in the hole.

We need to talk to those
two old biddies, Scotby and Disney.
They sound like Crosstalk comedians.

It's 9.30. They're probably
tucked up in bed. 9.30!

If she loves you, she'll wait. You
should test passion to destruction.

THUNDER RUMBLES

Cheers.

Sorry I'm late. Been working. The
bar hasn't closed YET. Still working.

This is Sergeant Pascoe.

Pierre Ferret. Enchante.

Aye. You and me both.

It's quiet. I expected revelry.
They can only afford it at weekends.

Who threw that?

They did some revelry, just for you.

We're trying to contact Miss Scotby
and Miss Disney. Disney will be in
the common room. Christianity night.

At 10.15, they turn water into cocoa.

Anita! What's wrong with midnight?
It's a perfectly respectable time.

You will hear the chimes at midnight.
I give you my personal guarantee.

I'm supposed to be seeing someone.

Do you mean someone more
important to you than me?
No, I don't mean that.

Tell me what you do mean.
You shouldn't have told me.

Miss Scotby, Miss Disney,

I need your help,
more or less off the record,

on the basis of what I hope
we can think of as, er, friendship.

Of course, Superintendent.

It concerns Miss Girling.

Now er, she died in Austria,
five years ago. Is that correct?

Five years last Christmas.

And what were the circumstances
of her death?

The hotel bus crashed. Skidded off
the road and burst into flames.
All the passengers were killed.

Dreadful.

And Miss Girling's body, forgive
the expression, where er...?

None of the bodies were recovered.
A memorial service was held there.
A deeply moving ceremony.

You went there? Of course.
Alison was my oldest friend.

How did they identify,
forgive the expression,
bodies that weren't found?

The coach was going from the airport
to the hotel she went to every year.

She was booked to arrive that night.

And the coach...

Take your time, Miss Disney.
The coach?

It was split in two.

The luggage boot was recovered.
Alison's cases were there.
But the bodies...

The bodies... All the bodies
were burned beyond recognition.

I see.

Sergeant, please tell these ladies
what you discovered this evening.

The body under the memorial
is that of Alison Girling.

But that's...impossible.

Isn't it?

Seemingly not.

Requiescat in pace.
Amen to that, Miss Disney.

Did she go to Austria then come
back in time to get knocked off?

Or did she never get there at all?

In which case, who got barbecued
in the bus? In all probability...

Oh, we'll sort that tomorrow.

Now, where's this academic
dosshouse we've been dumped in?
This way.

Will there be high jinks
after lights out? I doubt it. Oh.

♪ She'll be coming round
the mountain when she comes

♪ She'll be coming round
the mountain when she comes. ♪

MUSIC: "Sight for Sore Eyes"
by Deconstruction

This is a rare species
indeed, Hedley.

We seem to have caught
the mating season.

When can I clear up? When I say so.
The contract has a penalty clause!

You've caused enough trouble. God
knows what else you might dig up.

Where's the commander-in-chief?
Superintendent Dalziel?

He's a Scot?
Scottish parents. Yorkshire born.

Pity.
Can I help?

Dunbar. Chemistry.

Pascoe. Sergeant.

I need to know what's afoot
so as not to alarm
the more sensitive students.

Is it true? Is what true?

It was Alison Girling whom
the builders excavated yesterday?

We have reason to believe so.
Which means yes. Yes? Yes.

Were you here in 1990?
Arrived the previous summer.
Me and Henry Saltecombe.

Can you remember the end
of the December term? Try me.

Term ended on Friday the 14th.
Did everyone leave then?

The students, yes. The staff usually
hang on for a meeting on the Monday.
Monday the 17th.

If you say so. It was the Monday
morning. When did you leave?
As soon as humanly possible.

When was Miss Girling
planning to leave? No idea.

Maybe I should ask Miss Disney.
Why Disney?

As a friend of Miss Girling.
Disney has NO friends. But...

Look. God may be on Disney's side
but HER God is very jealous with
some very nasty habits. Excuse me.

It's not fair, is it, Douglas?
They don't build golf courses
to match the way you hit the ball.

That's twice you've stood
in my way. What's your name?
Francis Roote, Union President.

Like the General Workers
but with clean hands?

We like to keep our hands clean, yes.
It's a good policy. We recommend it.

- Harold...
- What?

I think I've found it.

My God. Anita Sewell.

You know her, then?

I've been acting for her.

I hope she's paid her bill.

I'm away for a few hours
and what happens?

It seems to me,
we have two separate enquiries.

It seems to me two bodies
means a connection! Come on!

Will I tell you
what I've found out? Tell me.

Monday, December 17th, 1990. Staff
meeting at 11 o'clock. Carry on.

Miss Girling's flight was
at midnight or thereabouts.

Thereabouts? Defending counsels
can drive horses and carts through
words like thereabouts. Go on.

She set off in her car at six.
Seen by? Miss Scotby.

But she never got to the ski slopes.
She landed in a hole
near her office.

We've still got two bodies. One old,
one new. What's the connection?

The college. Leave your address,
we'll put the medal in the post(!)

Anita Sewell. Didn't she...?

Accuse a staff member
of sexual harassment? Yes.

What was his name? Fallowfield.

Mucky devil.
Mind you, can't say I blame him.

A place like that...can do terrible
things to an old man's libido.

Fallowfield isn't that old. I don't
give a toss. I want to talk to him.

Who found the body? A man called
Pearl. He was representing Sewell
in her case against Fallowfield.

There's too many coincidences.
I hate coincidences.

She's dead? Yeah.

But that's dreadful!

As I understand it, the girl was
doing her best to ruin your career.

Sorry? You mean...?
Come on, you can't imagine that...

Imagination doesn't come into my
work, Dr Fallowfield. Only facts
and other items of that nature.

Well, in that case...

..you should see this.

A letter to you...signed Anita.

Anita Sewell, the dead girl? It's
her writing. Feel free to read it.

Did she come to see you last night?
No. I stayed up till 1 o'clock.

Being an educated man, you can
probably guess the next question.

No, I didn't go out last night
or see anything.

That's two good answers but I was
going to ask a different question.

These accusations about you
and Anita, should we believe them?

I never denied there was
a close relationship.
Close relationship?

These things can happen on a campus.

I wouldn't know about that.

You know about campuses. Do these
things happen? Yeah, they happen.

And sometimes they turn sour? Yeah.

Yes.

I know. There's nowt funny
about a broken heart.

Been there. Done that.
Got custody of the microwave.

Did you know Alison Girling?

I didn't take up my post here
until the September after she died.

Note it.

Right. We'll need
a formal statement, Dr Fallowfield.

I assume you're not planning
to rush off on any skiing holidays.
I won't be going anywhere.

What do you reckon to him?
He's got to be a prime suspect.
I don't see him as a killer though.

Two murders in one place
means a connection. Very astute.

By God! They have universities
in some pretty places, don't they?

Should I become an academic?
A sideways career move?

I could take the first step and
buy a book. I could lend you one.

Do you speak Austrian?
No such language.
How do they communicate? Semaphore?

You found another one? Yes. If
I can help... Can you speak German?

Sorry, comrade. Now if you'd said
Italian... But I can tell you the
date and time that slab were laid.

You can?
Laid the bugger myself, didn't I?

You will be aware of the events that
brought Superintendent Dalziel here.

I thought it sensible...
DALZIEL COUGHS

..or rather, Mr Dalziel thought
it sensible to gather staff

and student representatives
so that he might clarify
the nature of his inquiries.

Facts first.

The remains under the statue were
identified as those of Miss Girling.

We are treating that as murder.

And the body found this morning
is that of a student, Anita Sewell.

We are treating that as murder also.
Can you tell us the cause of death?

Which one? Anita. No, not yet.

What about the security
of the other students?

Use your common sense. Don't wander
about on your own after lights out.

Especially females.
That applies anywhere in the land.

This is a Godless age as
Miss Disney will confirm. Quite so.

We're talking serial killers.

Once every five years
makes him a bit slow.
MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Switch that off or leave the room!
I'll leave my colleague
to listen and report back.

I'll see what I can do.

When did you identify Miss Girling?

Yesterday evening. So how come
people knew in the afternoon?

You mean staff? Staff and students.

I can't imagine. Perhaps one of you
will tell me when we meet face to
face. Are we all to be interviewed?

We're drawing up a timetable.
What about our timetables?

Disrupting your work is unfortunate.
Disrupting mine is obstruction and
an offence in law. I realise that...

If it'll help, I'll talk to each
of you in situ, in your native
habitat. How's that for diplomacy?

Exactly what we've come to expect,
Superintendent.

Wiedersagen bitte. Ich bin Pascoe.
Pascoe!

Ja. Ja. Sergeant Pascoe. Polizie.

What are you doing? Trying to talk
to Austrian police about a crash
five years ago. What are you doing?

Free-range interviews.
Mobile inquisition. Hello?

Marion Carreaux?

Head of the fine art department?
Yes.

Highly-tuned deductive powers.

Does er,
does this symbolise something?

Only itself. It's for
my next exhibition in Paris.

I don't know anything about art but
er... But you know what you like?

I wasn't going to say that.

You must be very good to be head
of department at your age. Are you?

Don't be coy.

You're either very good or
you've got friends in high places.

I'm very good.
Me an' all. So we should get on.

Mais bien sur, mon cheri.

Oh.

When you made
the em...memorial to Miss Girling

you must have been nowt but a bairn.

Pardon? A mere child.
I was in my final year here.

And then you came straight
onto the staff? No. I completed
my foundation course here.

I studied for two years in London
and returned as head of department.

So...you've paid your dues.

I hope so.

And em, how did you get on with er,
Alison Girling?

She was the best friend I ever had.

KNOCK ON DOOR
It's open.

Sam Fallowfield's
famous ever-open door.

I might have been the police.

They've already been.

They told you about Anita? Yes.

Was that what you came to tell me?

It might have been my fault.

What? I told her.

Shared our dreadful secret with her.

You bloody idiot!

Your gospel said, do what you like
but be responsible for your actions.

It still says that.

I'm responsible for my actions.

And you?

What about me?

You're history, Sam.

You may find this a difficult idea
to grasp but I loved Anita.

In your own peculiar way?

We all love in our own peculiar way.

Oh, yes. I know.
I could show you the scars.

Why did you tell her?
Showing off as usual?

The man who knows everything? The
demi-god? It takes one to know one.

I suppose you KNOW who killed her?

Oh, yes. I know that too, Sam.

Was Alison Girling
a well-liked woman?

At the personal level, yes.
But professionally...

Finish the sentence if you will,
Mr Saltecombe.

It was the spirit of the times.

You have the er, advantage
of me there. I'm not a historian.

December, 1990, the time in question.

We'd just been told the college was
to become part of the university.

Girling's job was to be upgraded
and advertised.

Who wanted the job?
Everybody in sight. Scotby,
Disney, Dunbar, Girling herself.

You?
Oh, yes.

Are you an ambitious man?

Not any more. Was.

It wore off after about 20 minutes.

You were describing the spirit of
the times, in the year of our Lord
1990, when Alison Girling died.

Poisonous.

Henry Saltecombe? The man is an old
woman - a gossip and mischief-maker.

So things were peaceful enough
in the college at that time?

No mischief? Passions
running higher than average?

Passions always run high in seats of
learning. Education is about passion.

Our need to know
is informed by passion.

Is that right?

Tell me about the memorial, Miss
Disney. What do you want to know?

I'm sorry it's a crude, policeman's
question but er, who paid for it?

Alison paid for it.

She paid for her own memorial?
Not even Prince Albert did that.

It was to be a memorial to the old
college before it was swallowed up.

But when Alison died, it seemed
the proper way to pay our tribute.

And er, Marion Carreaux
got the job?

Yes. She was a brilliant student.
She has an international reputation,
though I do find her work perplexing.

I thought it was ME, being stupid.
No, I don't think so.

But she got the job on merit,
not because she was teacher's pet?

Ah. Yes?

It is fair to say that Marion
and Alison were very good friends.

On the other hand, provided
people observe Christian principles,

there's nothing wrong in friendships
between students and staff members.

In my time I have been both teacher
and pet and it has done me no harm.

What about Dr Fallowfield?
Dr Fallowfield is beneath contempt.

PHONE RINGS

Wield. Right.

The big man's on his way.
Anything to tell him?

Officially, Girling flew overnight
on December 17th. However...

However? That slab was laid
on the morning of the 18th.

I'm looking for the chief policeman.

It's Mr Lapping.
You found the body with Mr Pearl.

Aye. But it's not about that.
You want to tell us something else?

Obviously. I wouldn't be here else,
would I? Anything specific?

Lads and lasses dancing naked at
midnight. Is that specific enough?

It's specific enough for me.

Is that a police dog?
Trained to find student radicals.

Student radicals?
I used to be one of those.

And you just happened to have your
binoculars with you? No. I always
have them with me. Including now.

See.

Night sight lens, is it? Aye.
They're for bird-watching. I've
got my eye on a little dunlin nest.

Dunlin? Yes, it's er...
It's like a sandpiper.

Ah. Were you er, on your own?

Oh, no, no. Hedley was with me.

Hedley? Me dog.
He's named after Hedley Verity.

Yorkshire and England.
Left-arm spinner. Aye.

Died in a German PoW camp.
Lovely lad, lovely lad.

Still, my Hedley being a dog,
is not much of a witness, is it?

No. So, you see,
I'm relying on you, Mr Lapping.

Now, you say you saw these
young people and they were dancing.

Aye well, sort of. If you can
call it dancing, you know.

There were no music as such. They
were coming from one of them machine
things - a blaster. Is that it?

A ghetto blaster. If you say so,
Mr er...oh, whatever your name is.

Anyway, as I said, there were no
real, what we call, music. There was
just a thumping. Drive you potty!

But then...this chap came along
and he chased them all away. A chap?

Aye. Wearing a big hat.
Could you identify the chap?

Oh, no. No.

I were too far away
to identify anybody.

But...I could describe his hat.

Is there a bird called a dunlin?

Yes. It's em, it's like a sandpiper.

Good.

Do you know
what a pork pie hat looks like?

Yes. New York jazz musicians used
to wear them. Lester Young used...

I don't want a bloody thesis.
I know what one looks like. Why are
you waving that bog paper about?

It's Sewell's medical report. It's
interesting. Go on. Fascinate me.

She was drowned. Probably held face
down in the lake. No sign of sexual
interference. Fairly interesting.

Bearing in mind her alleged affair,
how about this? She was a virgin.

Sod you, Pascoe. I'm fascinated.

Virginity is just a state of mind.

This place is getting to you.
You're starting to talk like them.
But you always did.

Where's the bar? This way.

INAUDIBLE

Two pints of best and a bottle
of single malt to take out.

Legally speaking, out-sales
are restricted to union members.

I'm sure the union president
will sign me in.

A pleasure and a privilege. Daniel.

No midnight raves tonight?
I'm sorry?

Dancing by the light of the moon
with no kecks on. I'm not familiar
with the local vernacular.

But if you mean what I think
you mean...it was my birthday.

How old are you? 23.

And Anita Sewell got the present.
I don't find that amusing. Nor do I.

But if you want to put a smile
on my face, speak to Sergeant Wield.

Give him the names of your friends
who were at your party so we can
compare notes with our witnesses.

I may invoke the fifth.

I once invoked the fifth
with a feller. Broke his nose. Ta.

Where's your paramour tonight?
No idea.

Sergeant Pascoe's lost his
young lady. Any idea where she is?

Dans sa chambre. Writing. Je croix.

Writing. Of course. Deeply indebted.
Merci, monsieur.

Sante.
Sante.

The French connection.

They understand about sex.

That's the heart of the mystery.
Sex. Are you speaking
professionally or philosophically?

There's so much of it around here.
You could bottle the surplus
and sell it to old farts like me.

It's not a bad pint this, you know.

Wasted on this lot. You can
get me another before you go.

Where am I going?
You're off to see your young lady.

She's writing. She'll need help with
the long words - like virginity!

I've to discuss virginity with you.

We did that years ago.
Made a decision,
put it into practice - on that rug.

I assume you remember. I've never
looked at another rug since.

What does he want to know?

WE want to know why Anita was a
virgin yet she was having an affair
with Fallowfield? Is that right?

According to the medics. I'd always
assumed Fallowfield was an old queen.
What makes you think that?

How should I know? I just do.
Maybe he's a bit AC/DC, but no,
I'm sure he's gay.

Is there much of a gay scene here?
There's every sort of scene.

Disney and her Bible students.
Disney?

I don't think it's anything sinister.
Girl talk and a bit of hair stroking.

You make me feel so innocent and
virginal. Read my novel. That'll
fix you. You know I only read in bed.

Take off your badge, Sheriff, and
we'll solve both problems at once.

SOCIAL CHAT

It looks like Widdicombe Fair.
What is it? Our annual open day.

Designed to convince the world that,
compared to our campus,

Oxbridge is a pimple
on the intellectual landscape.

We're selling higher education
like you would sell double glazing.
Does it work? Does it hell!

Miss Scotby. Miss Disney.

You're looking radiant today.

Are you after my fingerprints? I
expect my sergeant already has your
fingerprints. What do you mean?

You should marry the lad. What?
You heard. Is it your business?

Of course it is. I need my staff in
good condition. Settled in mind and
body. Is that what marriage does?

Yes. You're a good lass and he's a
good lad but if you tell him I said
so, I'll never speak to you again.

That's a very tempting offer.
My intended wants a word with you.
Excuse me, my dear.

What is it?
Meetings held the day Girling died.

Meetings? That's plural.
Yep. A staff meeting then
interviews after lunch including...

interviews for the post
of head of biology. So
Fallowfield was here that day? Yes.

Started in the following September.
That's all the bugger said. Come on.

When I was your age,
we were too poor to have phones.

Presumably they were still
a recent invention?

If we need to fit anybody up,
that little turd will do nicely.

You were here being interviewed
the day Girling was killed.

You had an assignation with Anita
Sewell, the night she was killed.

Anything you say will be regarded
with great scepticism, especially
as you're queer as a nine-bob-note.

KNOCKS ON DOOR

Dr Fallowfield?

Wait here.

Afternoon. Hello.

Sergeant! Come here!

Open the curtains.

Mind where you walk.
They sometimes crap on the floor.

Have a good look. Then tell me
what you think. I know what I think.

Sergeant!

Doesn't look like anything's been
taken. But something was imported.

Anita Sewell's clothes? They match
the description. I'll check it out.
Leave it. Somebody's having us on.

So...tell me what you can see.

Do you suppose Fallowfield's done
this himself? I want observation
not psycho-bleeding analysis.

Nothing's been stolen.
Nothing's been broken.

Very civilised vandalism.

Bottles and glasses and poncy bits
of ceramics left alone and unharmed.

Maybe they didn't want
to make a noise?

Good lad.
What about the writing on the wall?

Some of it's in aerosol.
Some of it's in chalk.

Different style.
Two languages. That one's Latin.
Don't know what it means.

Two people?
Together or apart? Sorry?

Do some detecting.
Talk to the neighbours.

We didn't hear anything.
I saw that lady. That wasn't today!

Tell me about the lady.
That was the night before last.

She was going to see Mr Flabbyfield.
Fallowfield.

When did you see her? 2 o'clock.
Not light 2 o'clock, dark 2 o'clock.

What were you doing up?
I was having a Jimmy Riddle. David!
He's doing fine!

David, how old was this lady?
As old as your mum? Not old
like my mum. Old like our Sharon.

How old's Sharon? 24.

Have you ever seen a man
wearing a big hat? Yes.

Can you remember when that was?
Today on my video. Clint Eastwood.

So we've got Anita Sewell at the
cottage at 2 o'clock in the morning.

But Mr Lapping,
the intrepid bird-watcher,

says he saw the stranger
in the big hat break up
the bacchanalian orgy at midnight.

I'm open to brilliant offers.

The party breaks up. Anita goes
to keep her date with Fallowfield.

Who takes her to the lake and
drowns her? And who undresses her?

Why is he bothering to take all her
clothes off if he's a shirt-lifter
by trade? It's a bit too bizarre.

PHONE RINGS

Pascoe. Yep. Right.

If Fallowfield is the killer, he
left the body there to make it look
as if it was part of the orgy. Yes...

Which means he knew about the orgy
in the first place.

I think he's the kind of man young
people confide in. Maybe he's got
too many secrets for his own good.

We've been looking at the staff.
A conspiracy for grown-ups, if we
can dignify them with such a word.

But you're talking about staff
conspiring with students. Danke.

That was my man in Austria.

What did Dr Freud tell you? Keep
doing it till you need glasses?

The hotel records show that Girling
booked an extra room in October but
it was cancelled at the last minute.

That only helps
if we know who she was taking.
The booking was for Marion Carreaux.

Get on to HQ.

We need Fallowfield. Prime suspect,
key witness or both. But find him.

I'm going to discuss art
with Marion.

There's not much to tell. I was
Miss Girling's favourite, I suppose.

Teacher's pet? Nothing unnatural.
She thought I was talented. Ah.

And now you have an international
reputation, so she was right, yeah?

I hope so. A flower that blossomed.

So, tell me about the holiday trip.

She commissioned the sculpture. It
cost a great deal of money. Then she
suggested I go on holiday with her.

My mother had died
and I was dreading Christmas,
so I thought, "Why not?"

But you didn't go.

Why not?

Disney put a stop to it.

She came to my room, all indignant,
said it was very improper. She would
make sure Miss Girling lost her job.

With apposite quotes from
the King James Bible, no doubt.

I truly can't remember. I remember
I was very frightened. I was only 20.

So you told Miss Girling
you weren't going?

I was afraid. I phoned her.
Invented a story about my father
needing me at home for Christmas.

She was very matter-of-fact,
almost as if she'd expected it.

Said she'd ring the agents, cancel
the booking and so on. Wished me
a Merry Christmas and that was that.

When was this?
On the Monday morning.

And then you went home?
No.

She said no. And now,
it's 5 o'clock in the afternoon.

All the meetings and interviews
are over and Carreaux wants
to fix the fences.

She comes here to see Girling,
say sorry.

The secretary's gone.
The study's empty.

So she knocks
on Girling's front door.

Was that where Girling lived? Up
the stairs. There's a suite of rooms.

We could get the key. No, leave it.
We'd probably find six more bodies.

No, we won't. I've checked.

So, Carreaux knocks at the door.
She knocks at the door.

She hears voices, loud, very angry.
A man and a woman.

Disney? Fallowfield?

She doesn't recognise them.
She does the sensible thing. Clears
off and comes back later. Right?

An hour later, 6 o'clock.

She's walking back
and she sees Girling's car leaving.

Here endeth her story.

Scotby also saw the car
leave at 6 o'clock.

LOUD MUSIC
What the hell's that?

Saturday night disco.
'60s revival night.

Why would they want to revive them?
It was bad enough first time round.

Has she promised you
the last waltz? Well...

Have we found Fallowfield?
He took his car in for repair
but hasn't collected it.

It might not be him.
Not a double-murderer?

When Marion joined the staff...
Marion?

Even I'm allowed to like people!
All right. When Marion...joined.

The old bats didn't reckon
her much, especially Disney.

Fallowfield befriended her, stood
between her and the flying shit.

OK. So why is someone trying to
make him look bad? By planting the
girl's clothes. Bit obvious though.

Leaving the suitcase...
Unless they were interrupted.

What? By those intellectual vandals
who didn't break anything of value?
They're not normal, these people.

MUSIC: "Whiter Shade of Pale"
by Procol Harum

INAUDIBLE

Ellie? Mmm.

Has anyone seen Fallowfield today?

SHE PUNCHES HIM

What was the question?

I've forgotten. I have a question.

The answer's yes.
Just give me ten minutes.

Did you enjoy the novel? It's
brilliant. You haven't even read it.

But everything you do is brilliant.

You'll never guess what your boss
said to me today. What?!

Come on!

I can't believe we're doing this!

LAUGHING AND GIGGLING

LOUD MUSIC: "Shout"
by Lulu and the Luvvers

Yes! May I have a word?

What? Oh. I hope I didn't wake you.
That's the best joke I've heard
since I got here.

Sam wouldn't hurt a fly. He used
to be the most popular guy on campus.

Green politics, women's lib,
men's lib, everbody's lib.
He was the pied piper.

Yeah. And we all know who followed
the pied piper. Children. Rats.

Well, there are a couple of rats.

Hey! Who's the policeman
in this bed? Sorry.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

Just a moment please.
PASCOE GROANS

DALZIEL ACCENT: I want to speak
to yon bloody Casanova.

Some students have occupied
the office. Landor's office? OUR
bloody office. Homage to the '60s.

What? Occupations were all the rage
then. Anybody paying homage on my
patch will get their arses kicked.

I want men here in ten minutes.
No flashing lights, no sirens. Sir.

Please handle this discreetly.
Subtlety's my middle name. Ask
my sergeant. It's his middle name.

This is Superintendent Dalziel.

The room you are in is no longer
part of the offices of this college.

It is the headquarters
of a murder enquiry.

Interference with papers
or other information

will make you liable
to very serious charges.
The reinforcements are here.

That was quick. Are they
on a bonus? I phoned the police
when I heard the commotion.

Very public spirited. Doors and
windows covered. If they try to get
out, I want them grabbed. Right.

Won't you come in?

Since it's our room,
I won't bother saying thank you.

I'm sorry. We did not realise that
this was no longer Dr Landor's study.

LAUGHTER
Ho hum, Mr President.

Are you enjoying yourself?

Get off the desk.

NOW!

I won't comment on the sentiment
but I will correct the spelling.

D - A - L - Z - I - E - L.

Thus respecting the age-old rule,
I before E except after C and
especially after the Z in my name.

Whoever wrote this...you're
a disgrace to your generation.

Was it you?

I've got nothing to say.

That confirms
what everybody says about you.

This has all been rather stupid.

Please accept my apologies
on behalf of all the students.

We'll clean everything up before
we go. You won't touch anything.

And you're not going anywhere.

Ooh! Is the building surrounded?

He's probably called out the SAS.

I'm holding everyone in this room
on suspicion of illegal entry,

interfering with evidence,

possession of the drug cannabis,

damage to property
by defacing a wall.

And someone's been at
my single malt. Now then...

..who's got the keys?

Keys?

No forcible entry, therefore...

..you must have some keys.

Somebody else has got them.

Just like life, innit, eh?

Well, in that case...

we'll have all your names and then
we'll negotiate an armistice.

Is that necessary?

Oh, yes, Mr President.

Not only necessary...but compulsory.

THEY CHANT DALZIEL'S NAME

Thank you. Thank you.

Turn that light off.
It's unnecessary.

That was a bit OTT, wasn't it?

Oh, don't tell me. "It's the job,
lady, it's what I do."

If you don't like it,
put it in the novel. Ooh!

Who's coming now?
Bloody French foreign legion?

Are all universities like this? No.
Some of them are in towns. Shut up.

What's happened? It's
Dr Fallowfield. I think he's dead.

Did you call the ambulance? Yes.
Name? Sandra Firth.

You all know how to enjoy
a Saturday night(!) It's not funny!

I'm not laughing. Am I laughing,
Sergeant? No, sir, definitely not.

What were you doing here?

I work here. I was going to look
at my files. Franny said it would be
in the spirit of the '60s.

What did you use for keys?

Keys.

Taking over my office,
wasn't that good enough for you?

I was there but it seemed
to be getting a bit out of hand.

In what way? Well, you know...

I know about people stuffing powder
up their nostrils and taking pills
and smoking exotic cheroots.

Is that what I'm supposed to know?
Yeah.

We'll talk about that later.
Tell me about finding the corpse.

I came in
and it was dark...and it was spooky.

Franny says you should always walk
towards the thing that frightens you.
Franny? Franny Roote.

A president and a prophet.

And there was this light coming
from Dr Fallowfield's study. OK.

Show me.

Superintendent Dalziel.

Dead? Yeah.

How long? An hour, maybe more.

Cause?

Bag that.

Did you find the note? Note?

If he took his own life, it's
custom and practice to leave a note.

I didn't see or touch anything.
Except the phone. Except the phone.

Aye. Come on.

Seal off the place
till forensics arrive?
I'd seal off the whole campus(!)

The question is, do we still
have a case to investigate or not?

Hang it all on Fallowfield?
A murder suspect tops himself.

Tie it up with pink ribbon, we
could sleep in our own beds tonight.

You got different ideas?
Did he top himself?

Mm. An overdose of phenol, probably
self-administered. Sewell possibly

but not Girling.
He was only here for one day.
You fancy one of the golden oldies?

Saltecombe delivered that letter
and he wears a pork pie hat.
That'll make 'em sit up in court(!)

And why didn't he leave a note?

He left these. Found in his wallet.

Well, well. Franny Roote.
"To Sam with love."

But I still fancy a note.
Suicides, nearly all
attention-seeking bastards.

Are we still interested
in big hats?

Good morning, Sergeant. Good morning.

Are you coming to church? I'm afraid
I'm working. On the day of rest?

I respect your feelings but I have
to ask you about your hat. My hat?

What about my hat? Were you wearing
it the night Anita was killed?

These autumn nights
can be very chilly.

You may have five minutes, young man.

Though I am prepared to make a
further statement later. What is it?

Did you chase the students from
the woods? We have a responsibility
to protect our young people.

It isn't a fashionable view but
if I were a slave to fashion I'd
wear a different hat. Is that all?

In your lectures, do you use chalk?

Goodness me, is that now an offence?
Technologically incorrect?

Perhaps you could translate...
Latet anguis in herba.
Latet anguis in herba.

A snake lurks in the grass.
Virgil wrote that 2,000 years ago.

And you wrote it again?
On his wall?

I went to his cottage
yesterday afternoon.
I was going to confront him.

But someone had already been there
and made a dreadful mess.

I made my contribution and left. I'm
not ashamed of anything I've done.

Is Fallowfield the snake?

I'm not prepared to cast
the first stone. The first stone?

Isn't that from the story of the
woman taken in adultery? Quite so.

I must go. I shall be
at your service if required.

These lovely old trees are to be
torn up to make way for a car park.
Why does progress make things worse?

Does the bar open Sunday lunchtime?
I believe so.

Good. I'll get myself a refill.
Hang on.

If I was going to top myself
I might post my note, first-class.

You could put it through
the internal mail here.

You're a bright lad,
whatever people say. There's more.

When Fallowfield came for
his interview, he stayed the weekend.

He was paid expenses for three
overnights. All in the accounts.

No wonder the country's going broke.

MUSIC: "Roll With It"
by Oasis.

Same again and don't forget
the 2p on the bottle.

Are we to expect an early arrest?
I hope so before I get a degree.

Third degree, no doubt.

Ta. Put it on the slate, will you?

Oh, er, if you'll forgive
the expression, I have to scour
your seat of learning,

in search of a suicide note.

Where's the big D? Common room,
going through the pigeonholes.

Will you tell him something? What?

Fallowfield's previous job
was at a public school
where Roote was a pupil.

Roote came here for his interview
on the Friday. As in Friday
before the Monday? Right.

Carreaux. Disney.

Dunbar.

Soper.

Scotby.

Henry Saltecombe.

Go and get him! What?
Mr Sodding President!

I have here a copy of the letter

from the late Sam Fallowfield
addressed to Henry Saltecombe.

Dr Fallowfield, being
a modern and methodical man,
wrote it on his personal computer.

Saving it for posterity.

With Mr Saltecombe's permission,
I have read the letter
and taken due note of its contents.

On the computer...

..we also found
Dr Fallowfield's personal diaries.

All the intimate details

going back several years,
five to be precise.

It's your lucky day, sunbeam.
The autumn double.
Alison Girling and Anita Sewell.

That's rubbish. Sam wouldn't
tell lies. He couldn't tell lies.

What about HER?

MUTTERS IN FRENCH

Well, it's all on the record.

Fallowfield meets Roote,
falls madly in love with him.

Then he finds out the boy is mad,
bad and dangerous to know.

Tries to protect Sewell from him.
So Roote invents that phoney charge.

All Fallowfield had to do
was admit he was gay.

He decided to fight it -
to the death. And Marion?

I'm sure she'll tell you everything.

Your problem is, people love you.

That's a problem? Men and women.

If you say so...sweetie.

I'm nobody's sweetie.

You might say that's my tragedy.
But it's a better tragedy
than Marion's, I reckon.

Is that when you met her? That
weekend you went for the interview?

Certainly I did.
It isn't illegal to meet people.

And you had to make up your mind.
Sam Fallowfield or Marion Carreaux?

We met when he came for his
interview. People tend to fall in
love with him and live to regret it.

We had a bit of a fling
over the weekend. He asked me
to spend Christmas with him.

It seemed like more fun than skiing
in Austria with Miss Girling.
We went to see her, to tell her.

She took it badly?

There was a lot of shouting.

You said, "A man and a woman
shouting." But it was you
doing the shouting, yes?

Yes.

There was a sort of a fight.

Girling slapped her face. Marion
grabbed hold of Girling's hair.

And it came off?

It was a wig, wasn't it?

She fell back,
banged her head on the fireplace.

I've taken legal advice.

It's accidental death.

She attacked me...

and Franny hit her with a poker.

And Dr Fallowfield?

Franny phoned him. Said we had a
problem. He'd do anything for Franny.

He...helped us clear up the mess.

He was a good man.

Marion was brilliant. She cancelled
her flight and her hotel booking,

flew to Austria in Girling's
spare wig and a pair of shades,
and then flew back again.

Who buried the body?

Sam and I did that between us.
It's amazingly hard work.

Then, who organised the bus crash?

That really was an act of God.

Oh...you mean you really believe
there's a superior being?

Superior to you?

Maybe. But if the job falls vacant,
I'll be applying.

He's a control freak. I don't
speak jargon. Try me with English.

He likes to think the world depends
upon him. Staff and students.

Anita Sewell? Was potty about him.

They all were in their time.
Sam Fallowfield, Marion Carreaux,
Anita Sewell, Sandra Firth...

Sure. I talk a lot.

I'm good at it.

I told Anita I'd got the goods on
everybody. I told her about Girling.

Well, what's there to hide?
It's accidental death.

And you were high on drugs
and showing off.

Single malt is an addictive drug
or so I'm told.

Marion doesn't think
it was accidental death.

She sees everything as art.

You realised that if Anita talked,
that would be your career
down the tubes.

What's one life compared with the
work of a true artist? Precisely.

At least it wasn't personal.

It was also personal.
You didn't like Anita Sewell?

She had Franny.
People fall in love with him?

Of course.
And you stayed that way? Yes.

Do you have crimes of passion
in this country? Looks like it, yeah.

So it was all right
to stitch him up?

Make it look like a sex crime?

Trash the cottage? Leave Anita's...

Sam was on a serious guilt trip.
Sam was Jewish mother to the world.

He'd have handled it.

And what about you?

Do you take responsibility
for anything? God, no.

I'm a child of the '80s.
There is no such thing as society.

Next question.