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1
00:00:07,206 --> 00:00:10,068
[indistinct chatter]
2
00:00:10,137 --> 00:00:11,620
[Nora]
Grandma?
3
00:00:11,689 --> 00:00:12,931
Edmund.
4
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,551
Oh, hey, Nora.
5
00:00:15,620 --> 00:00:17,482
What's going on here, huh?
6
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,482
What's this?
Best friends all of a sudden?
7
00:00:19,551 --> 00:00:21,448
Huh? You gonna throw me
down the river, Grandma?
8
00:00:21,517 --> 00:00:24,862
Well, Edmund offered to come
with me to the store.
9
00:00:24,931 --> 00:00:26,758
He-- he's a good boy.
10
00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:28,655
Now, I took Grandma
to H Mart
11
00:00:28,724 --> 00:00:32,068
and bought her
a $500 rice cooker.
12
00:00:32,137 --> 00:00:34,103
You do that too sometimes,
right, Nora?
13
00:00:34,172 --> 00:00:36,482
Eat my ass, Edmund.
14
00:00:36,551 --> 00:00:37,862
We're making dumplings!
15
00:00:37,931 --> 00:00:39,206
Oh, that's cool
'cause I just thought
16
00:00:39,275 --> 00:00:40,448
that was something
that just me and you did,
17
00:00:40,517 --> 00:00:43,000
A and B, Grandma and Nora,
you know, our thing.
18
00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:45,517
You know what I mean,
'cause you love me
more and all, right?
19
00:00:45,586 --> 00:00:47,344
Oh, Grandma's gonna
teach me,
20
00:00:47,413 --> 00:00:49,689
and I can't wait
to learn from the best.
21
00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,379
[Grandma laughs]
22
00:00:51,448 --> 00:00:53,896
I wanna learn, too.
I call middle seat.
23
00:00:53,965 --> 00:00:56,724
Oh, but we've made
dumplings together
24
00:00:56,793 --> 00:00:58,655
2,000 times, Nora.
25
00:00:58,724 --> 00:01:02,413
And Edmund and I have
never made dumplings before.
26
00:01:02,482 --> 00:01:06,689
Yeah, but I want to do it
2,001 times.
27
00:01:06,758 --> 00:01:08,482
Race you there.Race you where?
28
00:01:08,551 --> 00:01:10,965
Uh, here.I've been here.
29
00:01:11,034 --> 00:01:12,517
Yeah, I know.
Grandma loves me more.
30
00:01:12,586 --> 00:01:13,827
What?
What?
What?
31
00:01:13,896 --> 00:01:15,137
What?What?
32
00:01:15,206 --> 00:01:16,172
Grandma loves me more.
What?
33
00:01:16,241 --> 00:01:18,172
What? What?What?
34
00:01:18,241 --> 00:01:21,137
♪♪
35
00:01:31,137 --> 00:01:33,206
[camera clicking]
36
00:01:33,275 --> 00:01:34,758
[grunting]
37
00:01:37,413 --> 00:01:38,517
Damon.
38
00:01:38,586 --> 00:01:40,793
You mind if
I squeeze in a set?
39
00:01:40,862 --> 00:01:42,862
One sec, bro.
Let me just take one more pic.
40
00:01:42,931 --> 00:01:44,344
Ah...
41
00:01:44,413 --> 00:01:46,206
gymselfies.
42
00:01:46,275 --> 00:01:48,034
You on IG?Huh?
43
00:01:48,103 --> 00:01:50,000
Instagram, you on it?No.
44
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,862
I look around
on Facebook sometimes.
45
00:01:51,931 --> 00:01:53,482
That's about it.[laughing]
46
00:01:53,551 --> 00:01:55,517
What?Facebook? Wally!
47
00:01:55,586 --> 00:01:57,724
Facebook is dead, bro.Oh, yeah?
48
00:01:57,793 --> 00:01:59,482
It is all about the Gram.
Check it out.
49
00:01:59,551 --> 00:02:00,896
Whoa!No, look it at.
50
00:02:00,965 --> 00:02:02,689
Damon!The chicks dig it.
51
00:02:02,758 --> 00:02:04,172
I get so many dates
off of this.
52
00:02:04,241 --> 00:02:06,172
You're single, right?Yeah.
53
00:02:06,241 --> 00:02:08,000
It's the Gram, baby.
54
00:02:08,068 --> 00:02:09,275
Oh, no, I...
55
00:02:09,344 --> 00:02:11,827
I don't need to post
intimate pictures like that.
56
00:02:11,896 --> 00:02:13,827
Well, you better
get crackin'.
57
00:02:13,896 --> 00:02:16,448
No.Yeah, look.
58
00:02:16,517 --> 00:02:19,586
If a chick can't
find you on Instagram,
59
00:02:19,655 --> 00:02:21,448
she's gonna think
you're a serial killer.
60
00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:22,620
That's the truth.
61
00:02:23,827 --> 00:02:25,172
Really?All you gotta do
62
00:02:25,241 --> 00:02:27,620
is go on Amazon Prime,
buy a ring light,
63
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,206
then you go home
to the bathroom.
64
00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:31,793
You put up a leg,
maybe two,
65
00:02:31,862 --> 00:02:33,379
click, pussy.
66
00:02:33,448 --> 00:02:35,344
No, no, no.
Don't listen to this loser.
67
00:02:35,413 --> 00:02:37,724
My kids think your Instagram
is a meme account.
68
00:02:37,793 --> 00:02:40,034
If I'm such a loser,
then how come I have
69
00:02:40,103 --> 00:02:43,241
over 300 followers?
70
00:02:43,310 --> 00:02:44,379
[Damon laughs]
71
00:02:44,448 --> 00:02:46,103
You know what
this is about?
72
00:02:46,172 --> 00:02:47,827
You just want a piece
of me, Janeane.
73
00:02:47,896 --> 00:02:50,000
Everybody knows it.
Wally knows it.
74
00:02:50,068 --> 00:02:51,551
How many times do
I have to tell you
75
00:02:51,620 --> 00:02:52,655
I'm a raging lesbian?
76
00:02:52,724 --> 00:02:54,172
Whatever, Janeane.
77
00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:56,551
Janeane?
78
00:02:56,620 --> 00:02:58,103
You wanna get like
a coffee after this?
79
00:02:58,172 --> 00:02:59,620
I'm hanging out
with my wife.
80
00:02:59,689 --> 00:03:01,310
Oh, you were serious?Yeah.
81
00:03:03,413 --> 00:03:04,551
[camera clicks]
82
00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:07,551
♪♪
83
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,931
Oh! Ant-Man.
84
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,827
These dumplings
are beautiful.
85
00:03:19,896 --> 00:03:23,620
You certainly have
a knack for crimping.
86
00:03:23,689 --> 00:03:25,965
Yeah, well, thank you, Grandma.
I learned from the best.
87
00:03:26,034 --> 00:03:28,000
[both laughing]
88
00:03:28,068 --> 00:03:29,344
Who?The best!
89
00:03:29,413 --> 00:03:30,413
Oh!
[laughs]
90
00:03:30,482 --> 00:03:32,275
You know who else?
Talented me.
91
00:03:32,344 --> 00:03:34,068
[chuckling]
92
00:03:34,137 --> 00:03:36,103
[snickers]
Yes.
93
00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:37,275
Let's see.
94
00:03:37,344 --> 00:03:40,758
This one I named
Beautiful Flower
95
00:03:40,827 --> 00:03:43,000
from All Generations
to the End of Time for you.
96
00:03:43,068 --> 00:03:45,724
Oh...Just be careful because
97
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:47,413
it has-- the inside
comes out a little bit,
98
00:03:47,482 --> 00:03:48,689
so it is
an open floor plan.
99
00:03:48,758 --> 00:03:51,655
Nice try, Nora."Nice try, Nora." See that?
100
00:03:51,724 --> 00:03:53,862
See?
Feel dumb now, huh?
101
00:03:53,931 --> 00:03:55,482
Don't you feel dumb now
a little bit?
102
00:03:55,551 --> 00:03:57,344
I get you some water.
103
00:03:57,413 --> 00:03:59,310
Thanks, Grandma.
Love you.
104
00:03:59,379 --> 00:04:01,413
Mm, your dumplings look
like the Pillsbury Doughboy
105
00:04:01,482 --> 00:04:02,655
got hate-crimed.
106
00:04:02,724 --> 00:04:04,241
You wanna shut
the hell up, bitch?!
107
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:05,758
Oh, nice.Yeah, yeah.
108
00:04:05,827 --> 00:04:07,586
Calling me a bitch.You're third-wheelin'.
109
00:04:07,655 --> 00:04:09,241
I've seen this movie before.
110
00:04:09,310 --> 00:04:10,793
You come in and you wanna
take my skin.
111
00:04:10,862 --> 00:04:12,310
That's what you wanna do.
112
00:04:12,379 --> 00:04:14,172
You wanna come up in here
and take my skin.
113
00:04:14,241 --> 00:04:16,379
Ugh, my God.
Nora...
114
00:04:16,448 --> 00:04:18,586
And also,
look at that one.
115
00:04:18,655 --> 00:04:20,275
That one looks like
a fuckin' butthole, dude.
116
00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:22,344
That means it'll be
delicious, yum, yum, yum.
117
00:04:22,413 --> 00:04:24,310
2020, Year of the Ass.
118
00:04:24,379 --> 00:04:27,137
♪♪
119
00:04:27,206 --> 00:04:31,000
[slurping]Okay, perfect.
120
00:04:31,068 --> 00:04:34,137
"Post workout
smoothie vibes."
121
00:04:35,620 --> 00:04:37,310
You sure I don't
look like a douche?
122
00:04:37,379 --> 00:04:38,689
Everybody looks like
they're trying too hard.
123
00:04:38,758 --> 00:04:40,000
It's kinda the point.
124
00:04:40,068 --> 00:04:41,758
But you gotta post more
than one photo, though,
125
00:04:41,827 --> 00:04:43,448
because otherwise
you'll look like a creep
126
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:44,758
who just trolls people.
127
00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:47,172
And so I can tell if
I'm following somebody
128
00:04:47,241 --> 00:04:48,379
and they're following me,
right?
129
00:04:48,448 --> 00:04:50,655
I see what's happening here.
What's her name?
130
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,827
Brenda Moreno.
131
00:04:52,896 --> 00:04:55,310
Brenda Moreno.
Okay.
132
00:04:56,655 --> 00:05:00,551
Oh, her screen name
is ArtfulBrenda.
133
00:05:00,620 --> 00:05:02,172
She's very pretty...
134
00:05:02,241 --> 00:05:03,413
and very artsy.
135
00:05:03,482 --> 00:05:04,551
Let me see.
136
00:05:04,620 --> 00:05:05,965
Yeah.
137
00:05:06,034 --> 00:05:08,655
That's her.Yeah.
138
00:05:08,724 --> 00:05:10,241
So, listen, if you wanna
thirst trap her,
139
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,137
I think you're gonna have
to post some better pics.
140
00:05:12,206 --> 00:05:13,758
Oh, will you take
some for me?
141
00:05:13,827 --> 00:05:15,379
Yeah, but let's not
take 'em in the gym.
142
00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:16,551
You don't want everybody
thinking all you do
143
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:17,620
is hang out in the gym.
144
00:05:17,689 --> 00:05:19,310
But that is all I do.
145
00:05:23,206 --> 00:05:24,206
[slurping]
146
00:05:24,275 --> 00:05:26,068
[music plays on phone]
147
00:05:26,137 --> 00:05:28,103
[cat meowing]
148
00:05:28,172 --> 00:05:30,896
Okay, to start off, you take a little flour
149
00:05:30,965 --> 00:05:32,896
and we spritz it around the table.
150
00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:34,517
And now we take the skin.
151
00:05:34,586 --> 00:05:36,482
See?
152
00:05:36,551 --> 00:05:37,965
Oh, that's enough.
153
00:05:39,551 --> 00:05:40,724
[line ringing]
154
00:05:40,793 --> 00:05:42,931
Oh, my God, Edmund!
Come quick!
155
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,448
Something's happened to Grandma
156
00:05:44,517 --> 00:05:45,896
and it's really bad! What?
157
00:05:45,965 --> 00:05:47,758
I think she took
a nasty spill.
158
00:05:47,827 --> 00:05:49,758
Oh, my God!Come straight to the garage.
159
00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:52,655
Don't call anybody. Just come
straight to the garage!
160
00:05:52,724 --> 00:05:54,137
Okay, I'll be right--[beep]
161
00:05:54,206 --> 00:05:57,172
[creepy music playing]
162
00:05:58,448 --> 00:05:59,793
[panting]
163
00:05:59,862 --> 00:06:01,034
Oh, God, I hate running.
164
00:06:01,103 --> 00:06:03,172
Where's Grandma?
Is she okay?
165
00:06:03,241 --> 00:06:05,103
She's fine.
166
00:06:05,172 --> 00:06:06,931
But I'm not.
167
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,137
Oh, what?
168
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,379
[creepy music playing]
169
00:06:14,448 --> 00:06:16,551
What's your endgame
with my grandma, bitch?
170
00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:21,448
What?
171
00:06:21,517 --> 00:06:22,827
What are you talking
about, you psycho?
172
00:06:22,896 --> 00:06:24,000
She's my grandma, too.
173
00:06:24,068 --> 00:06:25,586
Well, why don't you go
to the grandma store
174
00:06:25,655 --> 00:06:26,896
and get your own grandma?
175
00:06:26,965 --> 00:06:28,103
My other grandma's dead,
so Grandma's
176
00:06:28,172 --> 00:06:29,413
the only grandma I have.
177
00:06:29,482 --> 00:06:31,551
Yeah, my mom's dead
so Grandma's not only my mom,
178
00:06:31,620 --> 00:06:33,413
she's my grandma
and my grandpa.
179
00:06:33,482 --> 00:06:35,689
Okay, now I'm walking
away from this. I'm--
180
00:06:35,758 --> 00:06:37,448
What are you...?Ah.
181
00:06:37,517 --> 00:06:39,137
Don't-- What is this?
182
00:06:39,206 --> 00:06:40,655
Stop.
You're box-stepping?
183
00:06:40,724 --> 00:06:42,275
I'm not movin'...
184
00:06:42,344 --> 00:06:43,551
until you give me
some answers.
185
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:45,172
Jesus, answers to what?
186
00:06:45,241 --> 00:06:46,586
To why you're hanging out
with Grandma
187
00:06:46,655 --> 00:06:49,517
when you should be
working on your top-secret app.
188
00:06:49,586 --> 00:06:52,206
Hah? Hah?
189
00:06:52,275 --> 00:06:54,827
All right, fine,
but I need you to back off.
190
00:06:56,068 --> 00:06:57,103
Have a seat.
191
00:06:57,172 --> 00:06:58,620
Oh, what now?
192
00:07:00,172 --> 00:07:01,344
[sighs]
193
00:07:02,551 --> 00:07:04,482
Start talking, Edmund.
194
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:07,689
I was gonna come up
with an app,
195
00:07:07,758 --> 00:07:09,965
but then I didn't.
196
00:07:10,034 --> 00:07:12,793
And I still
haven't and...
197
00:07:12,862 --> 00:07:14,413
it's bad.
198
00:07:14,482 --> 00:07:16,000
So you stole $15 million?
199
00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:18,172
No, it's called
an investment.
200
00:07:18,241 --> 00:07:19,413
What's it called,
Ponzi scheme?
201
00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:20,482
No, an investment!
202
00:07:20,551 --> 00:07:21,827
Look, I have to come up
with an idea
203
00:07:21,896 --> 00:07:24,103
for the investors
this week.
204
00:07:24,172 --> 00:07:27,344
And if I still don't
have anything, then...
205
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:28,620
I'm screwed.
206
00:07:28,689 --> 00:07:30,965
So why don't you go
work on the app
207
00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:32,172
instead of hanging out
with Grandma
208
00:07:32,241 --> 00:07:33,482
and trying to steal
my skin?
209
00:07:33,551 --> 00:07:34,862
Because it's stressful
210
00:07:34,931 --> 00:07:36,310
and she makes me feel
less anxious.
211
00:07:36,379 --> 00:07:38,172
So you're not trying
to steal my Grandma
away from me?
212
00:07:38,241 --> 00:07:40,448
No, absolutely not.Good. Good.
213
00:07:43,275 --> 00:07:44,482
Edmund, I was
gonna kill you.
214
00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:47,103
What?But I'm not, I'm not now.
215
00:07:47,172 --> 00:07:49,344
You know, and the supplies
are refundable.
216
00:07:49,413 --> 00:07:51,517
So I have a-- I have
an Ace Hardware card.
217
00:07:52,793 --> 00:07:55,724
♪♪
218
00:07:58,172 --> 00:08:00,655
Oh, yeah, forgot
about all this stuff.
219
00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:04,724
Yeah!
220
00:08:05,862 --> 00:08:07,482
Hey, Mom, Ma.
221
00:08:07,551 --> 00:08:09,310
Have you seen
my tuxedo pants?
222
00:08:09,379 --> 00:08:11,586
Yeah.
You sat on a brownie
223
00:08:11,655 --> 00:08:13,551
at your cousin
Jimmy's wedding.
224
00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:15,724
We had to throw it away,
remember?
225
00:08:15,793 --> 00:08:17,827
Yeah, everyone thought
I shit myself.
226
00:08:17,896 --> 00:08:19,000
[chuckling]
227
00:08:19,068 --> 00:08:21,172
What are you doing
in here anyway?
228
00:08:21,241 --> 00:08:22,586
I'm just tidying up.
229
00:08:22,655 --> 00:08:25,724
I'm just, you know,
deciding which sparks joy.
230
00:08:25,793 --> 00:08:27,034
Ahh...
231
00:08:27,103 --> 00:08:29,620
Guess what sparks my joy.
232
00:08:29,689 --> 00:08:31,103
Not Marie Kondo.
233
00:08:32,931 --> 00:08:34,517
Fuck Marie Kondo.
234
00:08:35,655 --> 00:08:38,551
[music playing on laptop]
235
00:08:40,551 --> 00:08:42,448
You got investors
off of this?
236
00:08:42,517 --> 00:08:46,827
This shitty PowerPoint
stock template?
237
00:08:48,931 --> 00:08:52,206
Yeah, it's sort of
industry standard.
238
00:08:52,275 --> 00:08:54,689
God, Silicon Valley's
such bullshit.
239
00:08:54,758 --> 00:08:57,413
Ooh, very hot take, Nora.
240
00:08:57,482 --> 00:08:59,344
Really, they're investing
in my reputation.
241
00:08:59,413 --> 00:09:01,620
But there are no good
app ideas anymore.
242
00:09:01,689 --> 00:09:03,241
Everything's already been done.
243
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,517
That's not true.
244
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:06,551
Netflix for Dogs.
245
00:09:06,620 --> 00:09:08,793
Uh, a poop emoji.
246
00:09:08,862 --> 00:09:10,448
But it's like pictures
of your own poop,
247
00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:12,379
and you put eyes on it.
248
00:09:12,448 --> 00:09:14,758
What about an app
that takes a picture
of a place,
249
00:09:14,827 --> 00:09:18,620
and you can find out what--
what used to be there?
250
00:09:18,689 --> 00:09:19,827
I don't know if anyone's
done that already,
251
00:09:19,896 --> 00:09:21,137
but that's actually good.
252
00:09:21,206 --> 00:09:25,103
What about like
a flesh mold of a vagina,
253
00:09:25,172 --> 00:09:26,827
right, but it's portable?
254
00:09:26,896 --> 00:09:29,620
And we call it
a pocket pussy.
255
00:09:29,689 --> 00:09:32,068
Okay, this might take a while,
but keep going.
256
00:09:32,137 --> 00:09:34,103
An app that tells you
if you're ugly or not.
257
00:09:34,172 --> 00:09:36,379
An app that you could
look at your vagina
like in a mirror.
258
00:09:36,448 --> 00:09:37,931
What else?
259
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,344
An app that shows you
what you would look like
260
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:41,137
as a decaying corpse,
that's tight, that's a good one.
261
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,758
No!An app that tells you
262
00:09:42,827 --> 00:09:45,034
if a ghost is friendly or not.What?
263
00:09:45,103 --> 00:09:47,413
An app that finds
your long-lost friends.
264
00:09:47,482 --> 00:09:49,758
An app that lightly stimulates
your butthole.
265
00:09:49,827 --> 00:09:51,862
An app that lightly
stimulates your friends'.
266
00:09:51,931 --> 00:09:53,827
An app that beckons
squirrels.
267
00:09:53,896 --> 00:09:55,931
An app that-- it's like Tinder
but for parakeets.
268
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,000
I need more!
269
00:09:58,275 --> 00:09:59,758
But I have to poop.
270
00:09:59,827 --> 00:10:01,517
You should be
pooping ideas!
271
00:10:03,655 --> 00:10:05,000
[camera clicks]
272
00:10:10,793 --> 00:10:12,034
[sighs]
273
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:14,758
Oh...
274
00:10:14,827 --> 00:10:17,413
"I really liked
that movie."
275
00:10:19,137 --> 00:10:20,206
[sighs]
276
00:10:32,275 --> 00:10:34,482
[Nora sighs]
We have so many good ideas.
277
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:37,206
We just haven't found
the one yet!
278
00:10:37,275 --> 00:10:38,724
I gotta get outta here.
279
00:10:38,793 --> 00:10:41,068
[grunts]
I haven't seen any daylight.
280
00:10:41,137 --> 00:10:42,551
I took a poop
in the corner.
281
00:10:42,620 --> 00:10:44,620
Eww, why?[groans]
282
00:10:44,689 --> 00:10:47,206
No, wait, incubation
takes time, okay?
283
00:10:47,275 --> 00:10:49,241
We'll get there.
We just need to keep going.
284
00:10:49,310 --> 00:10:50,586
[phone chimes]
285
00:10:51,862 --> 00:10:54,068
Your dad followed me
on Instagram.
286
00:10:54,137 --> 00:10:56,310
Holy shit!What?
287
00:10:56,379 --> 00:10:57,896
Look.
288
00:10:57,965 --> 00:10:59,758
So?
289
00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:02,551
[screaming, gagging]
290
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,275
Uncle Penis! Uncle Penis!Uncle Penis!
291
00:11:04,344 --> 00:11:05,344
It's a damn penis!
292
00:11:05,413 --> 00:11:07,482
[both stammering, gasping]
293
00:11:07,551 --> 00:11:09,103
Why would you
show it to me?!
294
00:11:09,172 --> 00:11:10,620
He must've accidentally
posted it
295
00:11:10,689 --> 00:11:12,310
and just didn't
see the mirror behind him.
296
00:11:12,379 --> 00:11:14,620
[gasps]It has like 200 likes
297
00:11:14,689 --> 00:11:16,310
which proportionately
doesn't make sense
298
00:11:16,379 --> 00:11:18,551
because he has 17 followers.
299
00:11:18,620 --> 00:11:20,206
We need to delete
that thing.
300
00:11:20,275 --> 00:11:22,137
He-- he's gonna
become a meme.
301
00:11:22,206 --> 00:11:23,827
Even if he deletes it
off his personal account,
302
00:11:23,896 --> 00:11:25,896
other people have
screenshotted it.
303
00:11:25,965 --> 00:11:28,172
No, no, no, we need
to get the original off.
304
00:11:28,241 --> 00:11:30,275
We need to get
the screenshots off,
any duplicates.
305
00:11:30,344 --> 00:11:32,000
We need to scrub the Internet
of that picture.
306
00:11:32,068 --> 00:11:35,310
That needs to go.
Ahh! That needs to go.
307
00:11:35,379 --> 00:11:38,793
You are an idiot
but also a goddamn genius.
308
00:11:38,862 --> 00:11:40,758
Mwah!
Okay, I gotta go.
309
00:11:40,827 --> 00:11:43,034
I gotta go!
Um, I gotta go.
310
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,103
Where are you going?!
311
00:11:44,172 --> 00:11:45,931
To go and code "Scrubr."
312
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,137
It shouldn't take long.
313
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,758
I just have to match
a proprietary data set
314
00:11:48,827 --> 00:11:50,448
to an image-labeling model,
and then it'll be deleted...
315
00:11:50,517 --> 00:11:52,103
[muttering]
316
00:11:52,172 --> 00:11:53,379
You're leaving?Yeah.
317
00:11:53,448 --> 00:11:55,000
And you won't be back
for a while?
318
00:11:55,068 --> 00:11:57,862
Yeah. Bye.Can I-- Can I ask you
one more thing?
319
00:11:57,931 --> 00:12:00,931
What?Did you just feel anything?
320
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,586
Eww, no!
Disgusting.
321
00:12:03,655 --> 00:12:05,689
I didn't either.
I didn't either!
322
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:09,620
[Nora muttering]
323
00:12:09,689 --> 00:12:12,137
Still won't close.
324
00:12:12,206 --> 00:12:14,517
Have patience
and you'll get it.
325
00:12:14,586 --> 00:12:16,379
You know, I always wish I was
one of those Asian girls
326
00:12:16,448 --> 00:12:18,586
that could draw
Pokémon freehand
327
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,655
and rip paper
in a straight line.
328
00:12:20,724 --> 00:12:22,034
I can't even roll
a joint right.
329
00:12:22,103 --> 00:12:24,344
Origami is boring.
330
00:12:24,413 --> 00:12:26,862
And plus, maybe your talent
isn't in your fingers.
331
00:12:26,931 --> 00:12:28,448
Maybe it's somewhere else.
332
00:12:28,517 --> 00:12:29,724
Hm, that's true.
333
00:12:29,793 --> 00:12:31,551
[Edmund panting]
334
00:12:32,689 --> 00:12:34,896
I've been coding
all night.
335
00:12:34,965 --> 00:12:36,206
And I finally
finished the beta.
336
00:12:36,275 --> 00:12:38,413
And I think this app
could be huge.
337
00:12:38,482 --> 00:12:41,413
Oh, wow, I'm so proud
of you, Edmund.
338
00:12:41,482 --> 00:12:43,620
Well, the harder part
is thinking of the app,
339
00:12:43,689 --> 00:12:46,517
which I did
in 3.5 seconds and counting.
340
00:12:46,586 --> 00:12:49,241
Oh-ho, so I'm proud
of you too, Nora.
341
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:54,344
Yeah, I literally invented
an entire server, okay, so...
342
00:12:54,413 --> 00:12:55,758
Yeah, well, Grandma
loves me more,
343
00:12:55,827 --> 00:12:56,896
so I hope you're
all right with that.
344
00:12:56,965 --> 00:12:58,103
Okay, just Nora,
345
00:12:58,172 --> 00:12:59,448
you don't know
what's about to happen.
346
00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:02,137
Okay, if this app
gets up and running,
347
00:13:02,206 --> 00:13:05,482
we are looking at potentially
raking in millions.
348
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:07,000
We need to get my dad's
dick off the Internet
349
00:13:07,068 --> 00:13:09,413
before fuckjerry
finds it and shit.
350
00:13:09,482 --> 00:13:11,137
Okay, just--
It's fine, whatever.
351
00:13:11,206 --> 00:13:12,931
Can I just run my app
presentation for you guys?
352
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,413
'Cause I just need to practice
before the investor meeting
tomorrow and...
353
00:13:15,482 --> 00:13:17,241
No.Of course!
354
00:13:18,689 --> 00:13:20,862
Janeane, I got of likes
from complete strangers
355
00:13:20,931 --> 00:13:23,034
and also
two verified likes
356
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:24,586
from Olivia Jade.
357
00:13:24,655 --> 00:13:26,000
Who the hell's that?
358
00:13:26,068 --> 00:13:27,862
But nothing from Brenda.
359
00:13:27,931 --> 00:13:30,517
I don't understand why
she didn't like my photo.
360
00:13:30,586 --> 00:13:31,931
Let me see it.
361
00:13:34,068 --> 00:13:36,034
It's beautiful composition
and lighting.
362
00:13:36,103 --> 00:13:37,172
Thank you!
363
00:13:39,379 --> 00:13:40,482
Oh.
364
00:13:42,034 --> 00:13:44,344
Uh-oh.What?
365
00:13:47,172 --> 00:13:48,862
Holy shit!
My dick is out!
366
00:13:48,931 --> 00:13:50,655
Yeah.Janeane, my dick is out!
367
00:13:50,724 --> 00:13:52,068
What happened?!
368
00:13:52,137 --> 00:13:53,620
That explains
all the likes.
369
00:13:53,689 --> 00:13:54,793
I gotta delete it.
370
00:13:54,862 --> 00:13:56,724
Oh, no, I think
I just sent it my story!
371
00:13:56,793 --> 00:13:57,931
Oh, shit!
372
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,103
I've gotta take
some more pictures
373
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,137
to take the heat off
the first one.
374
00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:02,241
Okay, Wally,
you're spiraling.
375
00:14:02,310 --> 00:14:03,862
Bananas.
Bananas are good, right?Wally...
376
00:14:03,931 --> 00:14:05,586
Bananas.
Banana boomerang.
377
00:14:05,655 --> 00:14:07,137
Take deep breaths.Bananas are fine!
378
00:14:07,206 --> 00:14:09,965
I'm gonna help you.[Wally panting]
379
00:14:10,034 --> 00:14:11,793
Okay, okay, good news.
380
00:14:11,862 --> 00:14:13,344
ArtfulBrenda
is not following you,
381
00:14:13,413 --> 00:14:16,034
and I deleted the pic.Yes! Thank you!
382
00:14:16,103 --> 00:14:18,551
Bad news is...
383
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:19,758
Damon reposted it.
384
00:14:19,827 --> 00:14:20,862
No!
385
00:14:22,310 --> 00:14:23,551
Oh, shit!
386
00:14:26,034 --> 00:14:28,827
[Wally panting]You want a chip?
387
00:14:28,896 --> 00:14:31,620
You know I'm allergic
to sour cream, Janeane!
388
00:14:31,689 --> 00:14:32,793
I didn't know that.
389
00:14:32,862 --> 00:14:34,379
I haven't known you
for that long.
390
00:14:34,448 --> 00:14:35,448
[crunching]
391
00:14:35,517 --> 00:14:38,413
♪♪
392
00:14:38,482 --> 00:14:40,241
Red leather, yellow leather.
393
00:14:40,310 --> 00:14:42,241
Red leather,
yellow leather.
394
00:14:42,310 --> 00:14:44,551
The dragon will come
when he hears the drum
395
00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:45,931
at a minute or two till two.
396
00:14:47,758 --> 00:14:49,206
Y'all ready for this?
397
00:14:51,172 --> 00:14:53,448
"Scrubr" is an app
that can change the world
398
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:55,758
"by using micro-patterns
compiled from each
399
00:14:55,827 --> 00:14:58,068
"binary-based
representation of a pixel
400
00:14:58,137 --> 00:15:01,827
"or local binary pattern
or a patented LBP,
401
00:15:01,896 --> 00:15:04,620
"we can run the image
through our neural network
402
00:15:04,689 --> 00:15:06,827
"and this outputs a set
of measurements
403
00:15:06,896 --> 00:15:08,758
"that serve as a unique...
404
00:15:08,827 --> 00:15:10,482
"identifier.
405
00:15:10,551 --> 00:15:14,724
Send nudes?
More like unsend nudes."
406
00:15:14,793 --> 00:15:17,206
You know, I'm just gonna...
[stammering]
407
00:15:17,275 --> 00:15:21,034
I'm just gonna start over
and, um, oh! Okay.
408
00:15:21,103 --> 00:15:22,551
Leg cramp.
Leg cramp.
409
00:15:22,620 --> 00:15:24,827
[Edmund snorts]
Oh, my God, I'm burning up.
410
00:15:24,896 --> 00:15:26,103
It's like I'm on--
411
00:15:26,172 --> 00:15:27,931
It's like I'm on the beach
in Mykonos.
412
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,103
Oh, my God.
413
00:15:29,172 --> 00:15:31,000
You're sweating
very profusely right now.
414
00:15:31,068 --> 00:15:32,172
[sniffs]
Do you smell that?
415
00:15:32,241 --> 00:15:33,482
It smells like turmeric.
416
00:15:33,551 --> 00:15:35,482
[whispers]
What is wrong with him?
417
00:15:35,551 --> 00:15:36,896
I don't know.
418
00:15:36,965 --> 00:15:39,448
Okay.
[inhales, then exhales][flatulence]
419
00:15:39,517 --> 00:15:40,655
Oh...
[sniffs]
420
00:15:40,724 --> 00:15:42,000
Mm...Mm...
421
00:15:42,068 --> 00:15:43,827
I'll leave you with this.
422
00:15:43,896 --> 00:15:46,172
We're all born
the same way--
423
00:15:46,241 --> 00:15:48,034
naked and screaming.
Thank you so much.
424
00:15:49,655 --> 00:15:51,517
[whispering indistinctly]
425
00:15:51,586 --> 00:15:53,137
That's good, right?
Had a good flow.
426
00:15:53,206 --> 00:15:54,793
Had a good... structure.
427
00:15:54,862 --> 00:15:57,482
Yeah. Yeah.
428
00:15:57,551 --> 00:15:58,517
No notes?
429
00:15:58,586 --> 00:16:00,482
I'm good.Mm...
430
00:16:00,551 --> 00:16:02,172
Good.
431
00:16:02,241 --> 00:16:03,724
[fighting retching]
432
00:16:03,793 --> 00:16:05,000
Oh...Oh...
433
00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:09,517
Oh, Nora,
you need to help him.
434
00:16:09,586 --> 00:16:11,068
He's gonna fail.
435
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:13,344
I know.
Um, did you wanna go
436
00:16:13,413 --> 00:16:15,931
get your PediEgg refill
tomorrow, like in the morning?
437
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,482
Oh, no, we gotta take
care of him first.
438
00:16:18,551 --> 00:16:19,620
He needs help.
439
00:16:19,689 --> 00:16:21,172
I don't care.
I don't wanna help him.
440
00:16:21,241 --> 00:16:22,862
If this was your idea,
441
00:16:22,931 --> 00:16:25,310
then you should pitch it
with him.
442
00:16:26,482 --> 00:16:29,413
Fine.Okay, that's my good girl.
443
00:16:29,482 --> 00:16:31,172
Oh, shit, he's coming back.
444
00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:32,931
Can I do it one more time?No!
445
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,379
♪♪
446
00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:38,413
[phone vibrating]
447
00:16:44,896 --> 00:16:46,137
Oh, no.
448
00:16:54,103 --> 00:16:56,034
[Edmund sighs]
I just wanna get
this over with.
449
00:16:56,103 --> 00:16:57,241
I'm shaking like a leaf.
450
00:16:57,310 --> 00:16:58,793
You'll be fine.
451
00:16:58,862 --> 00:17:00,551
Just pretend
you're naked.
452
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,172
Stare-- stare
into their eyes.
453
00:17:02,241 --> 00:17:03,551
I'm pitching
in a conference room,
454
00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:04,862
not a sauna.
455
00:17:04,931 --> 00:17:06,586
You know what,
this is gonna be a disaster
456
00:17:06,655 --> 00:17:08,758
and I-- I should go,
I should go, I'm gonna go.
457
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:10,896
No, no, look.
I know you're nervous.
458
00:17:10,965 --> 00:17:12,310
Okay? So am I.
459
00:17:12,379 --> 00:17:14,137
But now's the time
to see who has a heart.
460
00:17:14,206 --> 00:17:15,965
Now's the time to prove
to yourself
461
00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:17,655
and everybody else
462
00:17:17,724 --> 00:17:19,620
that even though
you're locked up,
463
00:17:19,689 --> 00:17:21,000
you're somebody.
464
00:17:21,068 --> 00:17:22,275
All right?
465
00:17:22,344 --> 00:17:23,931
That you can do
something special
466
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,655
that no one else
in the world can do.
467
00:17:25,724 --> 00:17:27,793
You get to walk through
those doors,
468
00:17:27,862 --> 00:17:30,344
hold your head up high,
469
00:17:30,413 --> 00:17:32,827
and call yourself
a Mustang!
470
00:17:34,379 --> 00:17:37,896
Is that The Rock's speech
from "Gridiron Gang"?
471
00:17:37,965 --> 00:17:40,482
Go with it.
You'll be all right.
472
00:17:40,551 --> 00:17:42,689
Are you ready to go up
in there and blow them away?
473
00:17:42,758 --> 00:17:44,068
Yeah.Are you ready to scrub
474
00:17:44,137 --> 00:17:45,655
my dad's side dick
off the Internet?
475
00:17:45,724 --> 00:17:46,862
Hell yeah!
476
00:17:48,827 --> 00:17:51,103
[stomach gurgling]
477
00:17:55,655 --> 00:17:56,931
[flatulence]
478
00:17:58,379 --> 00:18:00,103
All right, I know what
you guys are thinking.
479
00:18:00,172 --> 00:18:03,965
Look, look at this poor,
very depressing soul
480
00:18:04,034 --> 00:18:07,000
just standing there
frozen in fear
481
00:18:07,068 --> 00:18:08,620
because his jealous ex
just posted
482
00:18:08,689 --> 00:18:10,551
a picture of him
on all fours
483
00:18:10,620 --> 00:18:12,793
dressed as
"The Legend of Zorro."
484
00:18:12,862 --> 00:18:13,965
[chiming]
485
00:18:15,241 --> 00:18:17,517
Yeah, devastating.
486
00:18:17,586 --> 00:18:19,034
And tell me this,
how many of you guys
487
00:18:19,103 --> 00:18:20,275
have photos like this
up on the Internet?
488
00:18:22,758 --> 00:18:24,620
Really?
Cocky bunch.
489
00:18:24,689 --> 00:18:27,000
Yeah, okay.
That's cool.
490
00:18:27,068 --> 00:18:29,206
Because I googled every
single one of you guys
491
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:32,241
and found a trove
of horrible,
492
00:18:32,310 --> 00:18:34,103
uncompromising,
embarrassing photos.
493
00:18:34,172 --> 00:18:37,172
Tom, 2004 Halloween,
494
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,517
dressed as a slutty
Pocahontas.
495
00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:42,068
Cultural insensitivity
mixed with misogyny.
496
00:18:42,137 --> 00:18:43,275
That's a double yikes.
497
00:18:43,344 --> 00:18:44,655
How would you like
to get this photo
498
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:45,689
off the Internet forever?
499
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:48,827
Yeah, please.
500
00:18:48,896 --> 00:18:50,344
That's why, luckily,
Edmund and I
501
00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:53,551
came up with
an app we call...
502
00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:55,482
♪♪
503
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,068
...Scrubr.
504
00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:58,931
With a push of a button,
505
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,689
our Scrubr app
can delete
506
00:19:00,758 --> 00:19:03,034
any unwanted photo ever
507
00:19:03,103 --> 00:19:06,206
off the Internet
for all eternities.
508
00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:09,448
We use an image similarity
algorithm to remove
509
00:19:09,517 --> 00:19:11,413
all your bad photos
from the Internet.
510
00:19:11,482 --> 00:19:13,965
Every bunghole,
every one-night stand,
511
00:19:14,034 --> 00:19:16,137
every mistake that's
ever gone public
512
00:19:16,206 --> 00:19:18,517
so that never again
will you google yourself
513
00:19:18,586 --> 00:19:20,551
and have your drunken
college mugshot
514
00:19:20,620 --> 00:19:22,517
staring back at you.
515
00:19:22,586 --> 00:19:24,827
Thank you so much!
516
00:19:28,551 --> 00:19:30,000
Wow.
517
00:19:31,413 --> 00:19:33,896
Well, uh, we love it.
518
00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,551
Let's talk about
upping your valuation
519
00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:37,068
for the next round
of funding.
520
00:19:37,137 --> 00:19:38,310
So there'll be a next round.
521
00:19:38,379 --> 00:19:39,724
[man]
Oh, hell yeah.
522
00:19:39,793 --> 00:19:41,827
We're very glad that
we invested in you, Edmund.
523
00:19:41,896 --> 00:19:44,862
Thank you, Tom,
and Maxwell, Amalin,
524
00:19:44,931 --> 00:19:49,793
Riford,
and I wanna say Bryson?
525
00:19:49,862 --> 00:19:51,448
Jason.Jason.
526
00:19:51,517 --> 00:19:52,931
Got one syllable.
527
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,172
Well, to be honest,
528
00:19:55,241 --> 00:19:56,517
this didn't really
come together
529
00:19:56,586 --> 00:19:58,448
until Nora got on board.Oh!
530
00:19:58,517 --> 00:20:00,241
That's beau--
That's so beautiful.
531
00:20:00,310 --> 00:20:02,103
It's been a contentious
working relationship.
532
00:20:02,172 --> 00:20:03,275
She's...A bit contentious.
533
00:20:03,344 --> 00:20:05,896
Speaking of, can I--
Is this up for...?
534
00:20:07,275 --> 00:20:08,310
Uh-huh.
535
00:20:08,379 --> 00:20:10,068
Bye, everyone.
536
00:20:10,137 --> 00:20:11,310
[Nora]
Love you.
537
00:20:11,379 --> 00:20:12,689
That's gonna feed her
for a month.
538
00:20:12,758 --> 00:20:16,827
[laughter]
539
00:20:16,896 --> 00:20:19,034
Nora, these dumplings
are actually really good.
540
00:20:19,103 --> 00:20:21,206
Yeah, a lot better
than your public speaking.
541
00:20:21,275 --> 00:20:24,379
[laughter]
542
00:20:24,448 --> 00:20:25,896
Yo, yo, yo!
543
00:20:27,068 --> 00:20:28,482
Oh, dumplings.
544
00:20:35,620 --> 00:20:38,034
You're all thinking
about my dick now, aren't you?
545
00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:39,965
No!Get over it.
546
00:20:41,931 --> 00:20:43,172
It's a dick.
547
00:20:46,758 --> 00:20:48,482
Anyway, do you like
the dumplings, Grandma?
548
00:20:48,551 --> 00:20:51,034
Oh, yes,
they're very tasty.
549
00:20:51,103 --> 00:20:52,724
I'm so proud of you.
550
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:55,000
Oh, my two dumplings!
551
00:20:56,758 --> 00:20:58,172
[whispering]
Just blink if
you love me more.
552
00:20:58,241 --> 00:20:59,655
It's okay.
He's not looking.I'm right here.
553
00:20:59,724 --> 00:21:02,379
Oh, no,
I can't do that.
554
00:21:06,034 --> 00:21:07,482
♪♪[bell dings]
555
00:21:11,275 --> 00:21:14,172
♪♪
556
00:21:36,275 --> 00:21:38,137
[man]
Who the [bleep] is Awkwafina?
38255
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