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1
00:00:01,220 --> 00:00:02,843
Damn, did you park under a tree
2
00:00:02,845 --> 00:00:04,767
with like 10,000 birds in it?
3
00:00:04,769 --> 00:00:07,293
I... No, it's just,
how much feces comes out
4
00:00:07,295 --> 00:00:08,538
of one little bird butthole?
5
00:00:08,540 --> 00:00:10,296
It's like a Jackson Pollock painting.
6
00:00:10,298 --> 00:00:11,563
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
7
00:00:11,565 --> 00:00:13,599
- I got some in... ugh!
- Ugh!
8
00:00:13,601 --> 00:00:14,933
- Ugh!
- Wash it out.
9
00:00:14,935 --> 00:00:17,638
Ah! Oh, my God!
10
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:20,873
- Hey, Nora.
- Hey!
11
00:00:20,875 --> 00:00:24,743
- Doug.
- Melanie, it's been a while.
12
00:00:24,745 --> 00:00:26,514
It's been a minute.
13
00:00:29,450 --> 00:00:31,750
It's awkward because you guys used to...
14
00:00:31,752 --> 00:00:33,385
In the back of my Altima.
15
00:00:33,387 --> 00:00:34,954
We did much more than scissor.
16
00:00:34,956 --> 00:00:37,823
- Right, Doug?
- Right. Right.
17
00:00:37,825 --> 00:00:40,040
That is until you met Lisa, you fuck!
18
00:00:40,042 --> 00:00:41,731
Don't, don't hit me. Not here, not here.
19
00:00:41,733 --> 00:00:43,429
- (SPEAKING SPANISH)
- Hey!
20
00:00:43,431 --> 00:00:44,830
(BOTH SHOUTING)
21
00:00:44,832 --> 00:00:47,166
I gotta go. I'll hit
you later, all right?
22
00:00:47,168 --> 00:00:50,135
(SHOUTING IN SPANISH)
23
00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:51,303
Tell him, girl.
24
00:00:51,305 --> 00:00:53,172
(SHOUTING IN SPANISH)
25
00:00:53,174 --> 00:00:55,407
Anyway, uh, do you have the trumpet?
26
00:00:55,409 --> 00:00:56,976
Oh, yes, I do.
27
00:00:56,978 --> 00:00:58,310
Here we go.
28
00:00:58,312 --> 00:01:00,348
Had her since fourth grade.
29
00:01:01,449 --> 00:01:03,182
First thing I tongued.
30
00:01:03,184 --> 00:01:04,750
- You know?
- Oh.
31
00:01:04,752 --> 00:01:06,275
- Lot of good memories.
- Mm-hmm.
32
00:01:06,277 --> 00:01:08,754
What do you... what do you
need a trumpet for anyway?
33
00:01:08,756 --> 00:01:11,123
My new man needs to
sample it for a song.
34
00:01:11,125 --> 00:01:12,424
Your new man?!
35
00:01:12,426 --> 00:01:14,026
Didn't I tell you I was dating Rat Lung?
36
00:01:14,028 --> 00:01:15,127
Who?
37
00:01:15,129 --> 00:01:16,863
Wait, you don't know who Rat Lung is?
38
00:01:16,864 --> 00:01:21,166
- No.
- He's like a mildly famous SoundCloud producer.
39
00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:23,535
We met when I interviewed him for Fazer.
40
00:01:23,537 --> 00:01:25,389
Oh, yeah, congrats on
the new job, by the way.
41
00:01:25,391 --> 00:01:27,172
Thank you. Look, this is him right here.
42
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:30,643
Looks like he works at like
Warby Parker or something...
43
00:01:30,645 --> 00:01:34,513
Our sex is so Jurassic.
44
00:01:34,515 --> 00:01:37,383
I sound like a pterodactyl
every time, like...
45
00:01:37,385 --> 00:01:38,884
- Oh.
- (SQUAWKING)
46
00:01:38,886 --> 00:01:40,119
- Oh, oh, okay.
- (MOANS)
47
00:01:40,121 --> 00:01:41,453
And you can't control that?
48
00:01:41,455 --> 00:01:42,988
Look at this pic. Unh.
49
00:01:42,990 --> 00:01:44,490
What is that, a neck tattoo?
50
00:01:44,492 --> 00:01:47,326
Of Eleanor Roosevelt. He's a feminist.
51
00:01:47,328 --> 00:01:48,727
Look, listen.
52
00:01:48,729 --> 00:01:50,897
(MUSIC PLAYS ON PHONE)
53
00:01:50,898 --> 00:01:53,799
I love this part when it's just like...
54
00:01:53,801 --> 00:01:56,969
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
55
00:01:56,971 --> 00:01:58,355
- (LIQUID DRIPS)
- And a drop.
56
00:01:58,357 --> 00:02:01,808
Oh, yeah. Okay, whoa! Yeah.
57
00:02:01,810 --> 00:02:03,798
Yeah, the whole track is made entirely
58
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:05,577
of the sound of independent women
59
00:02:05,579 --> 00:02:07,079
using neti pots.
60
00:02:07,081 --> 00:02:08,180
Beautiful.
61
00:02:08,182 --> 00:02:09,381
Anyway, I gotta run.
62
00:02:09,383 --> 00:02:12,017
So I'll just take the trumpet.
63
00:02:12,019 --> 00:02:13,385
Thank you.
64
00:02:13,387 --> 00:02:14,720
Just be careful with it, okay?
65
00:02:14,722 --> 00:02:16,999
Okay, Nora, I'm gonna
take care of it, okay?
66
00:02:17,001 --> 00:02:18,357
I lost my virginity to it.
67
00:02:18,359 --> 00:02:19,558
Shh, don't tell anybody that.
68
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,660
Okay, well, then I'll be gentle.
69
00:02:21,662 --> 00:02:22,761
Thanks, girl.
70
00:02:22,763 --> 00:02:24,530
(GRUNTING)
71
00:02:24,532 --> 00:02:27,490
??
72
00:02:27,492 --> 00:02:30,492
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
73
00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:34,617
(WALLY) It doesn't matter,
Ma, just get rid of it.
74
00:02:34,619 --> 00:02:35,941
Cover it up or something.
75
00:02:35,943 --> 00:02:37,443
Oh, shit, the TV!
76
00:02:37,445 --> 00:02:39,712
(GRANDMA) Oh, cover it up!
77
00:02:39,714 --> 00:02:40,779
Hurry up, Ma.
78
00:02:40,781 --> 00:02:42,616
Wow, not enough time.
79
00:02:43,884 --> 00:02:45,720
(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
80
00:02:49,032 --> 00:02:51,055
What's, Aunt Sandra coming
to town or something?
81
00:02:51,057 --> 00:02:53,080
Yes! As usual, your Aunt Sandra
82
00:02:53,082 --> 00:02:55,227
is coming from her hippie commune
83
00:02:55,229 --> 00:02:56,328
out in New Mexico,
84
00:02:56,330 --> 00:02:58,778
and she give us like one hour of notice.
85
00:02:58,780 --> 00:02:59,856
What the hell is this, Ma?
86
00:02:59,858 --> 00:03:01,457
The probiotic that she gave us.
87
00:03:01,459 --> 00:03:03,894
- I'll put it out like we use it every day.
- Yes.
88
00:03:04,872 --> 00:03:06,138
- Nora!
- Yeah.
89
00:03:06,140 --> 00:03:08,440
- Here.
- Oh.
90
00:03:08,442 --> 00:03:10,709
? Ohana ?
91
00:03:10,711 --> 00:03:12,244
- Holy shit!
- (GRANDMA CHEERING)
92
00:03:12,246 --> 00:03:14,613
Xiao bao!
93
00:03:14,615 --> 00:03:15,881
You look great!
94
00:03:15,883 --> 00:03:17,650
Sandy, how long has it been?
95
00:03:17,652 --> 00:03:21,120
You know I live in the present, Wally.
96
00:03:21,122 --> 00:03:24,134
Mmm, oh! That feels good.
97
00:03:24,136 --> 00:03:27,358
And Nora, my favorite niece.
98
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,161
Come on! (LAUGHS)
99
00:03:29,163 --> 00:03:31,034
Oh, I missed you.
100
00:03:31,036 --> 00:03:32,665
- I missed you, Aunt Sandra.
- Aww...
101
00:03:32,667 --> 00:03:34,366
Oh.
102
00:03:34,368 --> 00:03:35,701
- Arlo!
- (ALL EXCLAIMING)
103
00:03:35,703 --> 00:03:37,670
Oh, I didn't know you were
coming too, little man.
104
00:03:37,672 --> 00:03:39,006
Hey!
105
00:03:40,074 --> 00:03:41,307
Oh.
106
00:03:41,309 --> 00:03:42,741
Say hi to your big cousin.
107
00:03:42,743 --> 00:03:44,276
Hi, Nora.
108
00:03:44,278 --> 00:03:46,525
I hope the world is treating you
109
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,347
with kindness and mercy.
110
00:03:48,349 --> 00:03:49,948
Yeah, it is.
111
00:03:49,950 --> 00:03:51,116
Namaste.
112
00:03:51,118 --> 00:03:52,518
- Namaste.
- Yes.
113
00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:54,520
- Namaste.
- Perfect.
114
00:03:54,522 --> 00:03:57,523
Now, I'm just dropping
off Arlo and his food.
115
00:03:57,525 --> 00:04:01,860
And then I'm off to see my shaman, oh.
116
00:04:01,862 --> 00:04:04,463
Well, you're just gonna
come and go as you please,
117
00:04:04,465 --> 00:04:05,531
huh, Sandy?
118
00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:08,667
Wally, I am not going to apologize
119
00:04:08,669 --> 00:04:10,402
for connecting with new people,
120
00:04:10,404 --> 00:04:12,171
mentally, spiritually, and...
121
00:04:12,173 --> 00:04:14,306
- Don't say it.
- ... sexually.
122
00:04:14,308 --> 00:04:16,308
- Ugh.
- When you coming back?
123
00:04:16,310 --> 00:04:17,443
Four days max.
124
00:04:17,445 --> 00:04:18,877
Four fuckin' days?
125
00:04:18,879 --> 00:04:22,281
Remember, Arlo only eats ancient grains
126
00:04:22,283 --> 00:04:24,383
and nut-based milk.
127
00:04:24,385 --> 00:04:27,886
And please, no sugar,
for the love of Gaia.
128
00:04:27,888 --> 00:04:29,455
Don't worry, Sandy.
129
00:04:29,457 --> 00:04:31,890
We're gonna take good
care of the little dude.
130
00:04:31,892 --> 00:04:35,461
How did he get so fat
if he can't eat anything?
131
00:04:35,463 --> 00:04:37,458
- (CACKLING LAUGH)
- Ma?
132
00:04:37,460 --> 00:04:38,865
He's fat!
133
00:04:38,866 --> 00:04:41,769
??
134
00:04:48,876 --> 00:04:51,310
I didn't know bread came in white.
135
00:04:51,312 --> 00:04:53,879
What do you normally eat, Arlo?
136
00:04:53,881 --> 00:04:55,914
We farm everything at the compound,
137
00:04:55,916 --> 00:04:57,951
including our own squash.
138
00:04:59,176 --> 00:05:00,811
Can I have some of that?
139
00:05:01,689 --> 00:05:03,188
Some of this?
140
00:05:03,190 --> 00:05:04,823
Yeah.
141
00:05:04,825 --> 00:05:06,258
Oh, this is soda, buddy.
142
00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:07,660
I don't think you can have soda.
143
00:05:07,662 --> 00:05:10,863
- I can.
- Mm, I don't know, Arlo.
144
00:05:10,865 --> 00:05:14,700
Please? I love you, Cousin Nora.
145
00:05:14,702 --> 00:05:16,402
Oh, it's so cute.
146
00:05:16,404 --> 00:05:18,005
Get down here. Hurry up.
147
00:05:19,707 --> 00:05:21,940
Just have a... Just a
little sip, all right?
148
00:05:21,942 --> 00:05:23,676
Just let it touch your lips.
149
00:05:23,678 --> 00:05:25,844
- Got it.
- You promise?
150
00:05:25,846 --> 00:05:27,546
Promise.
151
00:05:27,548 --> 00:05:29,483
- Just a little sip.
- All right.
152
00:05:33,354 --> 00:05:34,855
(GULPING)
153
00:05:38,759 --> 00:05:40,261
Ahh... (BURPS)
154
00:05:42,730 --> 00:05:44,697
Oh, shit.
155
00:05:44,699 --> 00:05:46,866
It's Arlo's world!
156
00:05:46,867 --> 00:05:49,826
I pillaged the villages
and sacrificed the peasants
157
00:05:49,828 --> 00:05:52,237
to the pits of fiery hell!
158
00:05:52,239 --> 00:05:54,239
(SCREAMING)
159
00:05:54,241 --> 00:05:55,941
Faster, faster!
160
00:05:55,943 --> 00:05:58,832
We're the Pony Express
and the mail depends on us!
161
00:05:58,834 --> 00:06:00,279
Oh, my goddamn knees!
162
00:06:00,281 --> 00:06:01,755
- Ha-ha-ha.
- (WHIP CRACKING EFFECT)
163
00:06:01,757 --> 00:06:02,948
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
164
00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:04,383
Arlo? Hey.
165
00:06:04,385 --> 00:06:05,484
En garde!
166
00:06:05,486 --> 00:06:06,652
Give me that back.
167
00:06:06,654 --> 00:06:08,862
This is not a toy, at
least not that kinda toy!
168
00:06:08,864 --> 00:06:10,155
But I want to spar!
169
00:06:10,157 --> 00:06:11,673
You don't know where
this thing's been, Arlo.
170
00:06:11,675 --> 00:06:13,844
- Duel with me!
- I don't wanna duel with you!
171
00:06:13,846 --> 00:06:15,781
- Duel!
- Fine. Take it.
172
00:06:18,332 --> 00:06:21,266
(DISTORTED SCREAMING) Oh...
173
00:06:21,268 --> 00:06:23,936
my vag!
174
00:06:23,938 --> 00:06:26,238
- (DISTORTED WAILING)
- (OPERA MUSIC PLAYING)
175
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:27,274
(THUD)
176
00:06:29,110 --> 00:06:30,344
(PHONE CHIMES)
177
00:06:31,912 --> 00:06:33,847
(PLASTIC CRUMPLING)
178
00:06:33,848 --> 00:06:35,114
(QUEEF)
179
00:06:35,116 --> 00:06:37,051
(WHISPERS) What was that? What was it?
180
00:06:43,858 --> 00:06:46,292
(QUEEFS) It's me!
181
00:06:46,294 --> 00:06:47,693
It's me.
182
00:06:47,695 --> 00:06:49,762
(QUEEF)
183
00:06:49,764 --> 00:06:50,865
What the fuck?!
184
00:06:53,984 --> 00:06:56,943
??
185
00:06:56,945 --> 00:07:00,489
_
186
00:07:00,491 --> 00:07:02,126
Fuck.
187
00:07:03,502 --> 00:07:05,525
Hey, peeps. What's up?
188
00:07:05,527 --> 00:07:06,962
It's Dr. Shithra.
189
00:07:06,964 --> 00:07:09,665
Today's hot topic... queefs.
190
00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:11,233
Okay, ladies, let's keep it real.
191
00:07:11,235 --> 00:07:13,735
Whether it's from
stress or a swollen vag
192
00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:15,853
or bad sex with your ex-boyfriend Lenny,
193
00:07:15,855 --> 00:07:18,006
we have all queefed before.
194
00:07:18,008 --> 00:07:20,309
But don't worry, a queef is just air
195
00:07:20,311 --> 00:07:22,809
trapped inside your vagina
that wants to escape.
196
00:07:22,811 --> 00:07:25,814
So just rest, air it out,
197
00:07:25,816 --> 00:07:28,350
and it'll go away eventually.
198
00:07:28,352 --> 00:07:29,885
But if it doesn't,
199
00:07:29,887 --> 00:07:31,388
you might have cancer.
200
00:07:34,725 --> 00:07:36,260
(YAWNING)
201
00:07:37,561 --> 00:07:39,561
(GROANING) What happened?
202
00:07:39,563 --> 00:07:41,363
You really crashed after you slammed
203
00:07:41,365 --> 00:07:44,433
that chocolate syrup right
out of the squeeze bottle.
204
00:07:44,435 --> 00:07:46,568
I need alkaline water.
205
00:07:46,570 --> 00:07:48,770
Maybe some mother's milk.
206
00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:50,873
Don't look at me, kid.
207
00:07:50,875 --> 00:07:52,207
What are you doing?
208
00:07:52,209 --> 00:07:54,276
I'm playing a game.
209
00:07:54,278 --> 00:07:56,311
I'm only allowed to play chess.
210
00:07:56,313 --> 00:07:59,882
- Oh, yeah?
- Uh-huh.
211
00:07:59,884 --> 00:08:02,251
You see, if you like the woman,
212
00:08:02,253 --> 00:08:03,619
- you swipe to the right.
- Mm-hmm.
213
00:08:03,621 --> 00:08:04,720
But if you don't like the woman,
214
00:08:04,722 --> 00:08:06,522
you swipe to the left.
215
00:08:06,524 --> 00:08:08,557
Mm-mm.
216
00:08:08,559 --> 00:08:11,627
Oh, no, thank you. Eww, next.
217
00:08:11,629 --> 00:08:13,462
You're just looking at their pictures.
218
00:08:13,464 --> 00:08:15,664
You don't even know
their favorite books!
219
00:08:15,666 --> 00:08:18,869
Why don't you help me pick?
220
00:08:20,337 --> 00:08:21,672
(SIGHS)
221
00:08:23,340 --> 00:08:24,875
Smoker, nope.
222
00:08:26,043 --> 00:08:29,711
Hmm, she used the wrong "their".
223
00:08:29,713 --> 00:08:32,681
Whoo, Samantha's a doula. Wonderful!
224
00:08:32,683 --> 00:08:34,183
Wait a second, where are you getting
225
00:08:34,185 --> 00:08:35,417
all this information?
226
00:08:35,419 --> 00:08:37,054
I'm reading their bios.
227
00:08:38,355 --> 00:08:40,589
I never knew that people
actually read those.
228
00:08:40,591 --> 00:08:42,324
(PHONE CHIMES) _
229
00:08:42,326 --> 00:08:45,995
(PHONE CLICKING) _
230
00:08:46,862 --> 00:08:48,884
_
231
00:08:48,886 --> 00:08:55,936
_
232
00:08:57,819 --> 00:08:59,819
_
233
00:09:03,414 --> 00:09:05,314
(QUEEFS) Oh...
234
00:09:05,316 --> 00:09:06,815
Oh!
235
00:09:06,817 --> 00:09:09,386
(PHONE VIBRATING, RINGTONE)
236
00:09:10,588 --> 00:09:12,221
Hello?
237
00:09:12,223 --> 00:09:14,423
(MELANIE) Nora, hey, you
gotta get to the studio.
238
00:09:14,425 --> 00:09:15,757
Rat Lung's recording,
239
00:09:15,759 --> 00:09:17,159
and he told me to bring an Asian friend.
240
00:09:17,161 --> 00:09:19,795
I can't.
241
00:09:19,797 --> 00:09:22,030
I'm... I'm sick. I'm sick.
242
00:09:22,032 --> 00:09:23,932
Short of you having anus shingles,
243
00:09:23,934 --> 00:09:25,736
there's no reason for
you not to be here.
244
00:09:27,538 --> 00:09:29,204
Well, that's not anus shingles,
245
00:09:29,206 --> 00:09:30,806
but it's comparable.
246
00:09:30,808 --> 00:09:32,908
Ugh, don't be so lame, dude.
247
00:09:32,910 --> 00:09:34,710
You only live once, Nora.
248
00:09:34,712 --> 00:09:37,045
You really want me to
ask Esther Wong instead?
249
00:09:37,047 --> 00:09:40,472
'Cause I will. Ha,
she's down for whatever.
250
00:09:40,474 --> 00:09:44,486
No! Fuck Esther Wong!
Fuck, fuck Esther Wong.
251
00:09:44,488 --> 00:09:46,999
I'm down. Text me the address!
252
00:09:47,001 --> 00:09:48,057
- Nice.
- (QUEEFS)
253
00:09:48,058 --> 00:09:49,594
Wait, what was that?
254
00:09:49,596 --> 00:09:51,360
I... I just bought a... I bought a...
255
00:09:51,362 --> 00:09:53,228
We adopted a cat.
256
00:09:53,230 --> 00:09:54,565
Okay, gotta go, bye.
257
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:58,600
- (PHONE CHIMES)
- Great!
258
00:09:58,602 --> 00:10:01,436
Uncle Wally! Wake up! Wake up!
259
00:10:01,438 --> 00:10:02,905
- Huh?
- You got a date!
260
00:10:02,907 --> 00:10:04,206
Huh?
261
00:10:04,208 --> 00:10:05,507
You're matched with Isabelle.
262
00:10:05,509 --> 00:10:07,843
She also works at IT just like you.
263
00:10:07,845 --> 00:10:09,244
Oh, interesting.
264
00:10:09,246 --> 00:10:11,780
- Let me see what we're dealing with here.
- Mm-mm-mm.
265
00:10:11,782 --> 00:10:13,782
It doesn't matter what she looks like.
266
00:10:13,784 --> 00:10:15,551
It matters that she's a Libra,
267
00:10:15,553 --> 00:10:19,021
and I already set up a
no-frills coffee date.
268
00:10:19,023 --> 00:10:21,924
All right, fine.
269
00:10:21,926 --> 00:10:23,525
I'll go on a blind date.
270
00:10:23,527 --> 00:10:25,527
She's also very limber.
271
00:10:25,529 --> 00:10:27,465
??
272
00:10:28,899 --> 00:10:31,266
??
273
00:10:31,268 --> 00:10:33,902
Yo! That sounds tight.
You... you killin' it, bro.
274
00:10:33,904 --> 00:10:35,070
You killin' it, bro!
275
00:10:35,072 --> 00:10:38,407
I love that drumbeat.
It's like a little...
276
00:10:38,409 --> 00:10:39,808
- Oh, cut it, cut it, cut it.
- (MUSIC STOPS)
277
00:10:39,810 --> 00:10:41,477
(SOFT CHATTER)
278
00:10:41,479 --> 00:10:43,412
Hey, can you stop that?
279
00:10:43,414 --> 00:10:44,913
Oh, sorry, yeah. No, I thought he was...
280
00:10:44,915 --> 00:10:46,417
Okay, it's very loud.
281
00:10:46,419 --> 00:10:48,117
It's just that I thought
he was in another room.
282
00:10:48,119 --> 00:10:49,418
(WHISPERS) It's okay.
283
00:10:49,420 --> 00:10:51,320
Okay, these are intricate
and expensive sounds
284
00:10:51,322 --> 00:10:54,323
created by a genius who
deserves your respect.
285
00:10:54,325 --> 00:10:55,824
(WHISPERS) Gotcha.
286
00:10:55,826 --> 00:10:57,659
This shit is wack.
287
00:10:57,661 --> 00:10:59,561
Yo, nothing feels right.
288
00:10:59,563 --> 00:11:02,564
Hey, chin up, homie. You're perfect.
289
00:11:02,566 --> 00:11:04,066
You're perfect.
290
00:11:04,068 --> 00:11:05,367
- Really good.
- So perfect.
291
00:11:05,369 --> 00:11:06,768
- So, uh...
- (RAT LUNG) You're perfect.
292
00:11:06,770 --> 00:11:09,171
(BOTH MOANING, KISSING)
293
00:11:09,173 --> 00:11:12,008
So I'm just gonna get
outta here and skedaddle.
294
00:11:12,009 --> 00:11:13,675
It's... it's late.
295
00:11:13,677 --> 00:11:16,012
(QUEEFS)
296
00:11:16,013 --> 00:11:17,446
(RAT LUNG) Wait. What was that?
297
00:11:17,448 --> 00:11:18,847
Must've been something...
298
00:11:18,849 --> 00:11:20,883
Things have been caught...
Maybe this moth's here.
299
00:11:20,885 --> 00:11:22,751
Think it's that moth there.
300
00:11:22,753 --> 00:11:25,287
Give it a little water.
Um... (CLEARS THROAT)
301
00:11:25,289 --> 00:11:27,222
Melanie and Mr. Rat Lung.
302
00:11:27,224 --> 00:11:29,025
(QUEEFS)
303
00:11:29,026 --> 00:11:31,493
It's... it's you. How...
how did you do that?
304
00:11:31,495 --> 00:11:34,030
It wasn't... It was a non...
305
00:11:34,031 --> 00:11:35,264
It wasn't...
306
00:11:35,266 --> 00:11:36,665
I think it came from your pants.
307
00:11:36,667 --> 00:11:39,301
No! No. It's... (QUEEFS)
308
00:11:39,303 --> 00:11:42,204
- Oh...
- No, I didn't... from there.
309
00:11:42,206 --> 00:11:44,640
It was a vagina fart!
310
00:11:44,642 --> 00:11:45,841
It was a queef!
311
00:11:45,843 --> 00:11:47,424
I got kicked in the pussy!
312
00:11:47,426 --> 00:11:49,811
- You should've told me.
- I should've told you!
313
00:11:49,813 --> 00:11:52,214
But I didn't want you to
invite Esther Wong here, bitch.
314
00:11:52,216 --> 00:11:54,583
- So, on that note...
- You... you...
315
00:11:54,585 --> 00:11:56,452
you have to let me sample that.
316
00:11:56,454 --> 00:11:59,443
- No, dude.
- Please. (CHUCKLES)
317
00:11:59,445 --> 00:12:02,291
I mean, I... I thought
I'd recorded it all...
318
00:12:02,293 --> 00:12:04,994
a tree growing in Brooklyn,
319
00:12:04,995 --> 00:12:07,396
a rich woman eating a croissant,
320
00:12:07,398 --> 00:12:09,765
a Tanzanian kid sneezing.
321
00:12:09,767 --> 00:12:12,734
But a Chinese-Korean vagina fart?
322
00:12:12,736 --> 00:12:15,966
That is like... monumental in every way.
323
00:12:15,968 --> 00:12:17,027
Come on, man. (SLAPPING HANDS)
324
00:12:17,029 --> 00:12:18,540
You told him my exact race?
325
00:12:18,542 --> 00:12:22,644
This song is one sound
away from being finished.
326
00:12:22,646 --> 00:12:25,681
Please, please.
327
00:12:25,683 --> 00:12:27,216
- Fine!
- Oh, my God.
328
00:12:27,218 --> 00:12:29,184
- For the culture!
- That's good.
329
00:12:29,186 --> 00:12:31,122
??
330
00:12:32,690 --> 00:12:35,524
(LONG QUEEF) How's that?
331
00:12:35,526 --> 00:12:37,159
- It's so beautiful.
- Great.
332
00:12:37,161 --> 00:12:38,894
I'm loving everything that you're doing.
333
00:12:38,896 --> 00:12:40,273
Can we try another one
334
00:12:40,275 --> 00:12:41,659
where you waddle around a little bit?
335
00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:43,265
I wanna try mixing up the pitches.
336
00:12:43,267 --> 00:12:46,101
Hey, this isn't gonna get like
released or anything, right?
337
00:12:46,103 --> 00:12:47,803
What's with your girl? Huh?
338
00:12:47,805 --> 00:12:49,538
Nora, just queef.
339
00:12:49,540 --> 00:12:51,206
It's just a little embarrassing,
340
00:12:51,208 --> 00:12:52,875
like the setup.
341
00:12:52,877 --> 00:12:54,877
- I totally get that.
- Hm.
342
00:12:54,879 --> 00:12:57,112
But this isn't even gonna be public.
343
00:12:57,114 --> 00:12:58,380
This is just for me.
344
00:12:58,382 --> 00:12:59,892
This is for my private collection.
345
00:12:59,894 --> 00:13:02,751
So, just know what
you're doing is beautiful,
346
00:13:02,753 --> 00:13:05,254
it's natural, and it's just one sound
347
00:13:05,256 --> 00:13:06,989
in the symphony of the world.
348
00:13:06,991 --> 00:13:09,158
All right, I think I can
squeeze one out for ya.
349
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,226
You guys read... You ready?
350
00:13:11,228 --> 00:13:14,098
What about you, Marcus?
What kind of Asian are you?
351
00:13:15,125 --> 00:13:16,524
When you're on a roller coaster,
352
00:13:16,526 --> 00:13:18,125
do your balls lift up
a little bit or what?
353
00:13:18,127 --> 00:13:20,695
Just one of 'em. It's like a little
gravity-defying moment.
354
00:13:20,697 --> 00:13:22,463
- Just one ball lifts up?
- Yeah...
355
00:13:22,465 --> 00:13:25,401
(QUEEF RINGTONE)
356
00:13:27,837 --> 00:13:29,003
W-w-what was that?
357
00:13:29,005 --> 00:13:30,338
It's Tiffany. I'm not answering.
358
00:13:30,340 --> 00:13:33,607
No, no, no, no, no, no.
W-w-w-what song is that?
359
00:13:33,609 --> 00:13:34,809
Oh, it's the new Rat Lung.
360
00:13:34,811 --> 00:13:36,411
You don't listen to
Rat Lung? He's tight.
361
00:13:38,681 --> 00:13:41,082
That... that was...
That song's in public?
362
00:13:41,084 --> 00:13:42,950
Oh, it's the number-one
song on SoundCloud right now.
363
00:13:42,952 --> 00:13:44,352
Oh, my God!
364
00:13:44,354 --> 00:13:45,987
He said he would never release it.
365
00:13:45,989 --> 00:13:47,456
What are you talking about?
366
00:13:50,693 --> 00:13:53,594
- I'm on that track.
- What?
367
00:13:53,596 --> 00:13:54,597
I...
368
00:13:56,566 --> 00:13:57,932
(QUEEFS)
369
00:13:57,934 --> 00:14:00,434
Yo, that is you.
370
00:14:00,436 --> 00:14:01,769
A little pitched up, but it's you.
371
00:14:01,771 --> 00:14:03,471
Yeah, with some reverb and a Fazer.
372
00:14:03,473 --> 00:14:05,172
Yo, you better be
collecting royalties on that.
373
00:14:05,174 --> 00:14:06,374
Collecting what?
374
00:14:06,376 --> 00:14:08,142
Are you collecting
backend on that frontend?
375
00:14:08,144 --> 00:14:11,946
- That vagina is going viral in this vitch.
- I have to go!
376
00:14:11,948 --> 00:14:13,681
- Hey, do you mind if I sample you?
- No!
377
00:14:13,683 --> 00:14:15,618
??
378
00:14:17,053 --> 00:14:19,687
So, uh...
379
00:14:19,689 --> 00:14:22,111
you also work in IT, huh?
380
00:14:22,113 --> 00:14:23,324
No, honey, no.
381
00:14:23,326 --> 00:14:25,826
I just say that on my
profile to get more matches.
382
00:14:25,828 --> 00:14:27,828
I'm actually a wastewater inspector.
383
00:14:27,830 --> 00:14:30,531
Okay, cool.
384
00:14:30,533 --> 00:14:32,233
So you're paying, right?
385
00:14:32,235 --> 00:14:33,768
Sure.
386
00:14:33,770 --> 00:14:35,870
I hope they have al-mond milk here.
387
00:14:35,872 --> 00:14:38,141
Love me some al-mond milk!
388
00:14:39,409 --> 00:14:40,808
Me too.
389
00:14:40,810 --> 00:14:43,010
(BELL RINGING ON DOOR)
390
00:14:43,012 --> 00:14:44,812
- Brenda!
- Wally!
391
00:14:44,814 --> 00:14:46,548
- (WALLY LAUGHS)
- Hey.
392
00:14:46,549 --> 00:14:48,582
- You know, I was just thinking about you.
- Yeah?
393
00:14:48,584 --> 00:14:50,751
Yeah, yeah, I was throwing some pottery.
394
00:14:50,753 --> 00:14:52,420
And there was something in the glaze
395
00:14:52,422 --> 00:14:53,921
that made me think about your face.
396
00:14:53,923 --> 00:14:55,623
(LAUGHING) Oh...
397
00:14:55,625 --> 00:14:57,559
- That's nice.
- Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
398
00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:58,893
I didn't want to interrupt.
399
00:14:58,895 --> 00:15:00,995
Oh, it's just a
noncommittal coffee date.
400
00:15:00,997 --> 00:15:02,997
- Oh...
- (SIGHS)
401
00:15:02,999 --> 00:15:05,199
But she pronounces "almond milk"
402
00:15:05,201 --> 00:15:07,101
like "al-mond milk".
403
00:15:07,103 --> 00:15:08,736
Oh, I hate that, yeah.
404
00:15:08,738 --> 00:15:11,605
This online dating thing sucks.
405
00:15:11,607 --> 00:15:14,709
- I'm terrible at it.
- Me too, me too.
406
00:15:14,711 --> 00:15:17,930
- Well... good luck.
- You too.
407
00:15:17,932 --> 00:15:19,200
Okay.
408
00:15:23,319 --> 00:15:25,586
She...
409
00:15:25,588 --> 00:15:27,021
Yeah.
410
00:15:27,023 --> 00:15:29,588
So, anyway, long story short,
411
00:15:29,590 --> 00:15:31,058
I lost 200 pounds,
412
00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:34,061
and all this residual skin
is just weighing me down.
413
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:36,897
You look great.
414
00:15:36,899 --> 00:15:39,200
??
415
00:15:39,202 --> 00:15:40,325
??
416
00:15:40,327 --> 00:15:41,960
? Let me hear you go ?
417
00:15:41,962 --> 00:15:43,996
? Let me hear you go ?
418
00:15:43,998 --> 00:15:45,998
? Let me hear you go ?
419
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,800
? Let me hear you go ?
420
00:15:47,802 --> 00:15:49,501
? Let me hear you go ?
421
00:15:49,503 --> 00:15:51,537
? Let me hear you go ?
422
00:15:51,539 --> 00:15:54,106
? Let me hear you go ?
423
00:15:54,108 --> 00:15:55,980
? Let me hear you go ?
424
00:15:55,982 --> 00:15:58,072
? Let me hear you go ?
425
00:15:58,074 --> 00:16:01,198
(LOUD QUEEF)
426
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,590
(MUSIC CONTINUES, RHYTHMIC QUEEFING)
427
00:16:03,592 --> 00:16:04,781
? Let me hear you... ?
428
00:16:04,783 --> 00:16:06,806
Oh, oh, oh, no.
429
00:16:06,808 --> 00:16:07,974
Aunt Sandra?
430
00:16:07,976 --> 00:16:10,243
- Why are you entering the house this way?
- Shh.
431
00:16:10,245 --> 00:16:11,944
I didn't want to wake Grandma.
432
00:16:11,946 --> 00:16:15,349
Plus, I know you have
weed. (CLICKS TONGUE)
433
00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:16,682
What happened at the retreat?
434
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:19,185
The Hudson police raided the compound
435
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:22,518
and found 20 pounds of butane hash oil.
436
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,543
Sorry to hear that.
437
00:16:24,545 --> 00:16:27,059
It's fine.
438
00:16:27,061 --> 00:16:28,696
We'll all heal.
439
00:16:31,962 --> 00:16:33,117
Oof...
440
00:16:33,119 --> 00:16:36,410
Do you wanna turn on
a lamp or something?
441
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,705
I mean, it's like "The Bell Jar"
442
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:40,042
up in here, honey.
443
00:16:41,943 --> 00:16:44,177
It's a long story, Aunt Sandra.
444
00:16:44,179 --> 00:16:46,712
I got time.
445
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:49,081
??
446
00:16:49,083 --> 00:16:51,282
And I wasn't just pissed
that he knew my exact race.
447
00:16:51,284 --> 00:16:52,612
I was more pissed off that I gave him
448
00:16:52,614 --> 00:16:54,249
all the sounds for free.
449
00:16:55,990 --> 00:16:58,191
Nora... (EXHALES)
450
00:16:58,193 --> 00:17:03,162
your compulsive desire to please people
451
00:17:03,164 --> 00:17:05,233
is suffocating your spirit.
452
00:17:09,170 --> 00:17:10,837
What does that mean?
453
00:17:10,839 --> 00:17:12,872
I used to be like you,
454
00:17:12,874 --> 00:17:15,221
letting everyone dictate my life.
455
00:17:15,223 --> 00:17:17,824
Did you know I used to be a professor?
456
00:17:17,826 --> 00:17:20,159
- Really?
- Of yoga.
457
00:17:20,161 --> 00:17:21,360
Okay.
458
00:17:21,362 --> 00:17:24,598
But my soul wasn't
tethered to my core, Nora.
459
00:17:24,599 --> 00:17:27,633
But now I live according to my rules.
460
00:17:27,635 --> 00:17:32,004
So go get your queef money.
461
00:17:32,006 --> 00:17:36,244
And don't ever let anyone
say you're not enough.
462
00:17:37,846 --> 00:17:40,413
No one ever said that
I wasn't enough, but...
463
00:17:40,415 --> 00:17:42,415
- Exactly.
- But...
464
00:17:42,417 --> 00:17:44,951
you're right about the queef money.
465
00:17:44,953 --> 00:17:47,286
Mm, oh.
466
00:17:47,288 --> 00:17:49,090
- (LONG QUEEF)
- Oh.
467
00:17:53,528 --> 00:17:55,027
- That was me.
- That was you.
468
00:17:55,029 --> 00:17:56,965
??
469
00:17:58,366 --> 00:18:00,066
(LOUD QUEEFING)
470
00:18:00,068 --> 00:18:03,004
(MUSIC, RHYTHMIC QUEEFING)
471
00:18:09,010 --> 00:18:11,811
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
472
00:18:11,813 --> 00:18:13,379
That... that was great.
473
00:18:13,381 --> 00:18:16,382
I fuckin' love the
sound of your smile, bro.
474
00:18:16,384 --> 00:18:17,984
Go again.
475
00:18:17,986 --> 00:18:19,485
(SOFT MUSIC CONTINUES)
476
00:18:19,487 --> 00:18:21,220
(LOUD QUEEFING)
477
00:18:21,222 --> 00:18:23,358
Rat Lung! Where is he?!
478
00:18:24,626 --> 00:18:26,993
Hey! (QUEEFS)
479
00:18:26,995 --> 00:18:28,294
Sound familiar?
480
00:18:28,296 --> 00:18:31,597
Mel, what is your
Asian-American friend doing here?
481
00:18:31,599 --> 00:18:32,832
Did you forget your phone?
482
00:18:32,834 --> 00:18:34,500
You used me.
483
00:18:34,502 --> 00:18:36,025
And I am the star of that track.
484
00:18:36,027 --> 00:18:38,372
(CHUCKLING) Star?
485
00:18:38,374 --> 00:18:39,639
- Track?
- Yeah.
486
00:18:39,641 --> 00:18:41,140
(RAT LUNG LAUGHING)
487
00:18:41,142 --> 00:18:43,242
Nora, chill out, girl.
488
00:18:43,244 --> 00:18:46,446
No, I'm done being chill.
I am done being chill.
489
00:18:46,448 --> 00:18:47,614
Because you know what?
490
00:18:47,615 --> 00:18:49,682
I gave you my heart and soul in there.
491
00:18:49,684 --> 00:18:51,250
I want royalties.
492
00:18:51,252 --> 00:18:53,686
And I'm not gonna leave
until I get that queef money.
493
00:18:53,688 --> 00:18:55,822
(CHUCKLES)
494
00:18:55,824 --> 00:18:57,356
You serious?
495
00:18:57,358 --> 00:18:58,626
If... if possible.
496
00:19:01,062 --> 00:19:02,330
Okay.
497
00:19:03,631 --> 00:19:07,533
- Marcus, do the maths.
- Yeah! Do the maths, Marcus.
498
00:19:07,535 --> 00:19:08,870
- (VELCRO RIPPING)
- Okay.
499
00:19:10,739 --> 00:19:12,674
(INDISTINCT MUTTERING)
500
00:19:16,277 --> 00:19:18,244
- Here you go.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
501
00:19:18,246 --> 00:19:21,280
$20.10? That's it?
502
00:19:21,282 --> 00:19:23,649
You don't make any
money off of SoundCloud.
503
00:19:23,651 --> 00:19:26,185
- (MARCUS LAUGHS)
- My parents are just like super wealthy.
504
00:19:26,187 --> 00:19:28,187
Yeah, music is an unsustainable career.
505
00:19:28,189 --> 00:19:30,623
Well, at least maybe
take the track down.
506
00:19:30,625 --> 00:19:33,626
I'm sorry, honey. I own that queef.
507
00:19:33,628 --> 00:19:34,894
We just paid you for it.
508
00:19:34,896 --> 00:19:37,096
Fine! But I'll leave you with this.
509
00:19:37,098 --> 00:19:39,033
(SILENCE)
510
00:19:41,436 --> 00:19:44,036
Is she okay? Does she normally do this?
511
00:19:44,038 --> 00:19:45,630
Damn it! I lost it!
512
00:19:45,632 --> 00:19:47,549
Thanks for the lentil loaf.
513
00:19:47,551 --> 00:19:50,351
Thank you. Hey, come out to Provo, Utah.
514
00:19:50,353 --> 00:19:51,652
And then we can do a cleanse.
515
00:19:51,654 --> 00:19:53,187
Grandma's definitely gonna eat it.
516
00:19:53,189 --> 00:19:54,755
- All right.
- Bye, I miss ya already.
517
00:19:54,757 --> 00:19:56,190
Bye.
518
00:19:56,192 --> 00:19:57,226
Are you gonna eat that?
519
00:19:58,508 --> 00:20:01,010
Hey. Put it in the garbage.
520
00:20:02,265 --> 00:20:04,298
(MELANIE) Nora.
521
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:07,034
- Hey.
- What are you doing here?
522
00:20:07,036 --> 00:20:08,336
I broke up with Rat Lung.
523
00:20:08,338 --> 00:20:10,304
That Eleanor Roosevelt
tattoo on his neck?
524
00:20:10,306 --> 00:20:12,673
- That was his grandpa.
- Eww.
525
00:20:12,675 --> 00:20:15,745
Anyway, um, I got something for you.
526
00:20:18,047 --> 00:20:19,213
A hard drive?
527
00:20:19,215 --> 00:20:20,915
I stole his samples.
528
00:20:20,917 --> 00:20:23,017
Now he can't use your queefy sounds.
529
00:20:23,019 --> 00:20:24,108
No one can.
530
00:20:24,110 --> 00:20:25,920
Oh, my God, thank you.
531
00:20:25,922 --> 00:20:28,089
No one... no one's ever done...
532
00:20:28,091 --> 00:20:30,725
something of this
like, specifically this
533
00:20:30,727 --> 00:20:32,226
for... for me before.
534
00:20:32,228 --> 00:20:33,863
Yeah, I hope not.
535
00:20:35,431 --> 00:20:36,532
Ooh!
536
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:40,001
You need better taste in men, girl.
537
00:20:40,003 --> 00:20:41,635
Ugh, yeah.
538
00:20:41,637 --> 00:20:43,637
- Ya think?
- Are you hungry?
539
00:20:43,639 --> 00:20:46,140
Jug, Rat Lung. Hell yeah!
540
00:20:46,142 --> 00:20:48,009
I'm starving.
541
00:20:48,011 --> 00:20:50,544
We had like breakup
sex that was intense.
542
00:20:50,546 --> 00:20:51,946
(SQUAWKING)
543
00:20:51,948 --> 00:20:53,914
Yeah, I know. You
accidentally FaceTimed me.
544
00:20:53,916 --> 00:20:55,750
- Does your grandma cook?
- Grandma!
545
00:20:55,752 --> 00:20:57,251
By the way, where's my trumpet?
546
00:20:57,253 --> 00:20:58,552
Oh, we're gonna have to clean that.
547
00:20:58,554 --> 00:21:00,454
What do you mean,
we're gonna have to... ?
548
00:21:25,682 --> 00:21:27,618
(MAN) Who the (BLEEP) is Awkwafina?
549
00:21:27,668 --> 00:21:32,218
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