Original subtitles

This is so beautiful.

You know it, Gary.

Look at her.

Do you know what I would like to do?

Shower with them.

Then, bang, we hit the city, baby. Dead on.

A little drinks, a little nightlife, a little dancing.

We throw a huge party. I mean, huge party.

Everybody's invited.

Women everywhere.

All these girls, they're all there.

Naked bodies everywhere.

They all know my name.

What?

Nobody likes us.

Nobody.

Why are you messing with the fantasy?

We know about the reality.

Don't ruin the fantasy, okay?

And then we're hit, man.

We're revered. We're studs.

When the smoke clears, right, those two dames

fall amazingly, completely, and totally in love with us wives.

Check it out.

You! Check us out!

Look, we're sorry about... She's alive!

Alive! Weird science!

Weird!

Weird science!

Plastic tubes and pots and pans. Bits and pieces and magic from the hand of

making weird science.

Things I've never seen before. Behind vaulted doors, tannin and imagine.

It's my creation.

Is it real?

It's my creation.

I don't know.

No hesitation.

No heart of gold.

Just flesh and blood.

I do not know.

weird science

things

i've never seen before behind both the doors

Where'd your parents go, anyway?

Cincinnati.

They're meeting the guy that my sister wants to marry.

Chloe?

Who the hell would marry Chloe?

He's studying to be a vet.

Try not to make a mess in there, Gary. The maid doesn't come till Monday.

You know, I don't understand something, Wyatt. How come all of a sudden your

parents trust your man and never let you do shit before?

Chet's coming home from college for the weekend. They trust him.

He's in charge.

Shit? Oh, shit!

I can't believe, you know, I can't believe this, Wyatt. I really wish that

you told me this before I agreed to sleep over. You know how I feel about

shit. I mean, how do you put up with that guy? If I don't, he beats the shit

out of me.

That's how he picked up the military school.

I mean, how do you put up with that putz? What can I say, Gary? He's very

protective of me.

Nice relationship.

There you have his mad dream.

Look, there's nothing to fear.

Just a few stitches.

Go on, fix the electrodes.

You'll have plenty to be afraid of before the night's over.

The storm will be magnificent.

All the electrical secrets of heaven.

At this time, we're ready. Hey, Fritz?

Let's have one final test.

Throw the switches.

Here in this machine, I have discovered the great ray that first brought life

into the world.

Here's the final touch.

The brain you stole, Fritz.

Think of it. The brain of a dead man.

Waiting to live again in a body I made with my own hands.

You know, it's not a bad idea.

What? Fifteen minutes, the storm should be at its height.

Making a girl.

Then we'll be ready.

What's that?

Actually making a girl.

Just like Frankenstein.

Except cuter.

Nobody must come here.

Don't touch me.

I'm sorry, Doctor.

You're serious?

Yes.

Look me in the eyes.

Do I look serious?

You're crazy.

Crazy am I?

Will you see whether I'm crazy or not?

Gary Wallace, that's absolutely gross. That's sick.

I'm not digging up dead girls. It's...

No, I'm not talking about digging up a dead girl, Wyatt.

I'm talking about your system, idiot, your computer.

Okay, look, you know how you're always talking about how you can simulate all

that stuff on your computer?

You know?

What's the difference? Why can't we simulate a girl?

I don't know. I guess I could, but why?

It's two-dimensional on the screen. It's not flesh and blood, Gary.

Well, I know that, but, you know, we can use it, Wyatt.

Ask it questions. We can put it in real-life sexual situations and see that

reaction. Like, real sick, demented shit. You'd love it.

Well, what about your girl in, um, Canada?

She was in Canada. These girls know morals. You know, I don't like that on a

girl. It's rough having those kind of relationships. You'll see.

Anyway, get to work.

I mean, anything bigger than a handful, you're risking a sprained tongue, you

know, and... Yeah.

Yeah.

Perfect.

Okay, now what?

Um, should we give her a brain?

Yeah, we can play chess with her.

Chess?

Just give her a brain, okay?

Okay, that's, um, about all we can do with my stuff.

I can't believe this shit.

I can't believe this.

Did you get a free toaster with this, too?

Jerry, it's smarter than you, okay?

Problem is, it's a lame idea, okay?

It's not a lame idea. The problem is your computer's a wimp and we need a lot

more power than this. That's the problem. What do you suggest?

We're in.

We're in trouble, Gary.

This is highly illegal.

We need more input. We gotta fill this thing up with data.

We gotta make her as real as possible, Wyatt.

I want her to live. I want her to breathe.

I want her to aerobicize.

You know what you need only right here on VTV.

It's moving, it's working, it's doing itself.

It's working by itself.

Bras on our heads.

Ceremonial.

You ready? Yeah.

Let's go.

I had to lie in-

She's alive!

Alive!

So,

what would you little maniacs like to do first?

You guys created me. I didn't come from anywhere.

Before you started messing around with your computer, I didn't even exist.

By the way, you did an excellent job.

Thank you.

Hello?

Showering's real fun, isn't it?

If we're going to have any kind of fun together, you guys had better loosen up.

What are we gonna do with her?

Look, we'll just go with the situation, okay?

I'm sure by Sunday you'll think of something. You're a very bright guy. I

have a lot of faith in you, okay?

All right?

I'm just being practical.

Well, I know you are, okay? And I appreciate it.

Well, what are we gonna do about this mess?

Well, you'll have plenty of time to clean up tomorrow, okay?

Okay, but don't get any B.O. on Chet's suit, or he'll kill me.

Where are we going anyway?

I don't know. She said we're going to go downtown and... Oh, my God! Whose stuff

is this?

Is that your stuff? Wait, is this yours? Shit.

Oh, shit. Gary, I don't know what's going on. What's going on here? I don't

know. What is going on here? Gary, I don't know. I don't know what's going on

here. You look good, though, all right? Yeah?

Yeah.

So, did you steal this car?

No, I didn't steal the car.

How'd you get it?

I can get anything I want.

And right now, I want to party.

Party? Yeah.

And you better think up a name for me, too.

What name do you want?

You guys created me. You think of a name for me.

How about Lisa?

Why Lisa?

Why not?

He used to like a girl named Lisa.

Oh, yeah? Old girlfriend?

She kicked him in the nuts.

Will you shut up?

Look, Gary, it wasn't your fault. All you said was hello to her. Hey, Laquan,

shut up!

Hey, guys.

I like Lisa.

That'll do just fine.

Yeah.

I don't think we belong here.

Don't be silly. It's a public place.

Look, I'm sure we'd both love to stay, but we're not 21, so I think we're

gonna... You're 21.

You're 21.

Well, maybe you'd feel better if you just got out there and mingled.

We don't mingle, okay?

Well, maybe you'd be more comfortable if I invited all these people back to your

house and we could all mingle there.

We'll mingle.

Hi, dudes.

Well,

God...

You know, listening to this blues music reminds me of my own trials and

tribulations as a young guy. And, uh, you know, my folks, they really, really

dump on me. They really do.

I say you guys get along with your parents?

I guess you guys moved out by now, though, huh?

Uh, what's this, sir?

Very good.

That's a very sweet thought of both of you gentlemen, but I really don't agree.

Until now.

See you guys in the emergency room, huh?

Hello, pretty lady.

Tell me something.

What's a beautiful bride like you doing with a malacca like this, huh?

It's purely sexual.

No shit.

She's into malaccas, Dino.

She's in the mud.

Fast man.

Let me tell you my story, man.

Last year, I was insane for this crazy little eighth grade bitch.

Crazy? Insane?

Insane? Crazy?

I was nuts for the woman, man.

Now, you gotta believe me. I'm telling the truth here. I'm speaking to you. I

mean, I was nuts for the girl.

And what did it to me was these big titties she had. For a 13-year-old girl,

man?

She wouldn't have to worry about no titties for the rest of her life, boy.

You know, she was set and she was looking good, son.

That's the truth, baby.

I called every night for like a month.

I mean, I'm talking devotion, man.

Every damn night?

Every night, Mitch.

I ain't playing with you. On the telephone?

What this boy talking about on the telephone, man?

Explain it to him.

Goddamn, we know there's a telephone, boy.

and her, the chick with those big, big titties.

Man, you know, now, hey, DiCaprio, you know what the bitch did to me?

Lay it on me.

Check this shit out. Listen to what she did to me. She hit you in the nuts, some

cold and faggot in front of everybody. No, she did what?

Bitch needs your nuts. Bitch need my nuts, bitch. I'm not playing with you.

In the family jewels.

In the family jewels, man.

You can forget that other one.

You got this fine jewelry sitting right over here by you.

I really shouldn't be driving.

Hey, listen, I appreciate it. You know, I really just don't feel like driving.

Okay, forget it. I'll drive. Give me the keys.

Give me the keys.

Is he going to be all right?

I don't know. I warned him about that blind dog, bub.

Hey, he don't even have his license, Lisa.

He's not lying. I don't even have a loan this time.

Hey, let's go to another party, man.

What are you going to tell Chet about me?

Nothing. Nothing?

That's not very realistic, Wyatt.

Look, I don't know. I'm just trying to concentrate on the road.

You better concentrate a little harder. You're about to run a red light.

Oh, shit.

I hate that boy. I always hated that shit. I never listened to it.

Well, my nuts are halfway up my ass, but other than that, I'm perfect.

You better think of what you're gonna do about Chet.

He's one serious idiot.

You're stood, buttwad.

And me?

Know what time it is?

Um, two?

Time to pay the fiddler.

I was kind of counting on you to be human about this.

Here's the bottom line, Wyatt.

I'm telling Mom and Dad everything.

I'm even considering making up some shit.

All right, Chet, name your price.

$175.00.

Cash. New bills crisp and clean.

In my wallet by 7 a.m.

Thank you.

Hey, what are big brothers for?

See you upstairs.

I don't need jokes.

The booze hounds return.

What a joke.

Hi, girls.

Feeling kind of queasy?

How about a nice, greasy pork sandwich served in a

dirty ashtray?

He pukes. You die.

He's not laughing at you, Chet. It's just...

Did he tell you about the movie we made tonight?

You gotta meet him. He doesn't know what he's talking about. No shit.

No shit.

You two donkey dicks couldn't get laid in a morgue.

You're right. You are absolutely right.

Get him out of here.

Doug,

come on.

He's an asshole.

Look at his haircut. Anybody with a haircut like that, you know he's an

asshole.

Lisa.

It's not gonna hurt you, you silly thing. I mean, your lips, they feel like

rigor mortis have set in. Why don't you try and relax a little bit? I'm only

kissing you.

I wasn't expecting you to kiss me. I mean, I was just... I wasn't... That

was

better.

Wanna try it again?

If you don't mind.

Yes, please.

You

sure

you're only 15?

I'll be 16 in June.

You made me.

You control me.

What's on your mind? What are you thinking about, huh?

Um... Women's gymnastics.

Well, I don't know. I'll do my best.

Good.

What? What?

What?

Where are you?

I'm right here, Gary.

What happened?

I don't know.

I think it was a dream.

What?

Everything. Last night. Lisa.

The whole thing. It had to be a dream.

It can't be a dream, Wyatt.

We're both in it.

How can two people have the same dream?

There's no other explanation. It had to be a dream.

Wait. Let's analyze this.

All right, in your dream, did I get up in the middle of the night and yak in

your sink?

Didn't throw up, no, nothing, you didn't see anything.

Maybe it was a dream, you know?

A very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet,

detailed dream.

Maybe we have malaria.

Look, I don't have the kind of box it would take to pay Chet off about this.

You can't live in fear of Chet for the rest of your life.

Why not?

Please.

I don't know, Wyatt.

I mean, it's seriously affecting your sex life.

Ten seconds into my gymnastic routine, you passed out.

You slept.

I did my toes.

By the way, you're very cute.

We'll try it again some other time.

Good morning, turd brain.

Hi, Chet.

Okay, Whitbecker. If you see a lion, let me know.

You spitting this?

Not that I'm aware of, no.

Hey, that looks pretty good.

Now make yourself one, thick weed.

Like your panties.

It's a joke, Chet. You know, it's all... That's not a joke.

That is a severe behavioral disorder.

Those are women's underpants.

I mean, the next thing you know, you'll be wearing a bra on your head.

Oh, and the old man's gonna have a stroke on this one for sure.

All right, Chet, how much?

How much?

Oh, this goes way beyond payment, pal.

Come on, Chet, please.

Your VCR should cover it.

For openers.

Thank you.

For Christ's sakes, will you cover yourself?

You guys?

Looking for something for your mom?

I really don't think so, Sue.

Do you guys have girlfriends?

You know, Sue, one does really not refer to a 23-year-old woman as a girlfriend.

I'm a mistress, Gare. Mistress, lover, sex pot.

She's a sex pot, is what she is.

You guys are the ones that got beat up at the homecoming game, right?

Susan, do you think you could wrap up a bottle of this scent for me? Because I

like this.

Two.

And why don't you set yourself up with one of them, too? Set yourself up.

That's three scents, please.

If you were a 15-year-old boy, would these turn you on?

I think so, too. I'll take them.

Uh, do you have a bra to match that?

Something in leather or rubber or barbed wire?

Give me a break.

Check it out.

Check it out. What?

Five bucks?

Bitsky.

Max, what are you gonna do?

You know, Gear?

For the first time in my life, I don't feel like a total dick.

Yeah, me either.

Sorry,

boys.

Momentary loss of motor nerve. You guys getting tired of this? We're not, but

I'll tell you one thing. There is a cure.

Rumor has it there's a big white sale going on. At Tower World.

I'm not impressed.

No.

Could I have some of that, please?

You know, I'm getting really bored of their shit.

What, do you want to dump them?

I don't know.

Well, we have been with them three months.

We've been to all the parties. We've met all the people. We won't go to any more

parties, and we won't meet any more people. We'll go into a social coma.

Sorry. Sorry.

We're sorry.

Wanna give him another chance?

Okay.

Will you forgive us? Please?

Guys.

What are we gonna do?

Okay.

Woo!

The kind I'd like to meet, pretty woman.

I don't believe you, it must be true. I don't believe you, it must be

true. I

don't believe you,

it must be

true.

That's Ian.

This is Max.

We call him Mad Max.

I saw you in the escalator.

Yeah.

Uh, yeah, you were looking at us, right?

Yeah.

So, what are you doing?

Nothing. I'm waiting for my ride.

Lise, come on, hon. We're running late.

Honey.

Speak to you later.

She likes the rough stuff.

What can I do, you know?

By the way, there's a party tonight at Wyatt's house.

You can find his name in the student's directory, under Donnelly.

Pass the word around.

Hardy?

Don't ask.

Wyatt, you're going to have a heart attack by the time you're 40 if you

don't learn to relax.

Have you tried inversion boots?

Lisa, you don't understand my parents.

What's there to understand?

They're oppressive, meddlesome, difficult, demanding, and totally

bizarre. I mean, they're normal parents.

Now stop worrying and go and get dressed.

Lisa, I created you.

Why do you insist on doing things I don't want?

Honey buns, you want to party so badly as a butler. I mean, you and Gary, you

want friends, you want popularity, you want all that stuff, right?

Well, I've thought about it, sure, but...

So I'm giving it to you.

Thank you.

Really, thank you. But I don't want it in my house.

If you want to be a party animal, you have to learn to live in the jungle. Now

stop worrying and go and get dressed.

I'm going to go and pick up Gary.

I can't wait to meet his parents.

Do you go to Gary's school?

Do I look like I'm in high school?

No. Well, what it is, Dad, she's a foreign exchange student, you know, and

they have, like, a different educational system happening around the world.

You look very, uh... mature.

Doesn't she?

That's funny you say that, because I was thinking the same thing, and what

happened was that, uh... So what do you do for a living, Al?

I'm an independent businessman.

Al, Dad?

My dad's a plumber.

He's into plumbing.

Well, I guess you plumb, right, Dad?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, I think it's time to go.

You ready?

Where do you think you're going?

To a movie.

Movie party is what it is, folks.

We're going to a movie party.

It's such a little lie-up. No, I've whipped up this nasty little soiree over

at his friend Wyatt's house.

Soiree what?

Soiree, honey. I think that means party.

You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock and roll, chips, dips,

chains, whips.

You know, your basic high school orgy type of thing.

I mean, I'm not talking candle wax on the nipples or witchcraft or anything

like that. No, no, no. Just a couple of hundred kids running around in their

underwear, acting like complete animals.

All right, goddammit! I've heard enough!

Gary, you get to your room. Yes, sir!

No, it's okay. Just sit here. I'll take care of this.

Curly. You get the hell out of here before I throw you out.

Don't fret me, Al.

You're out of shape. I'll kick your ass.

I'm gonna make this real easy for you.

I'm taking Gary to a party.

Over my dead body.

He's a good kid.

He studies hard.

You've got no complaints. If anybody should be bitching, it should be Gary.

You ever compliment him on his grades?

You ever compliment him on anything?

Hey! Hey! Look, Ma, compliments embarrass me. You know. Dad, you know.

Shut up!

Have you ever wondered how sad it is that your son's only sexual outlet is

tossing off to magazines in the bathroom?

Oh, Gary!

Oh, Ma! Ma, I never tossed off to anything! You told me you were combing

your hair! But I was!

I was! Ma, shut up!

This guy deserves a party.

Look, I don't know who you are, what you are, where you came from, and

I'm not taking any more of this.

Dial the police, Lucy.

Dial the damn police and give me the phone.

I'm gonna get... Give me the phone. Well, here it is.

It's his God.

Oh, Christ.

Oh, Lord, God.

Oh.

Whoa.

Go ahead.

Make your day.

I'm really sorry it has to come to this.

Come to what?

If you don't cheer up, I'll blow your face off.

Oh, come on, don't

be such an old lady. Everything's cool.

Everything's cool?

Everything's cool. Yeah, yeah. My dad's gonna castrate me, and my mother almost

had, like, a cardiac arrest.

My parents are never going to let me in the house, and if they do, I'll be glad

until I'm 45. But other than that, everything's great. Everything's really

cool. I think, you know, everything could be better.

So trust me for once, will you?

They don't know what happened.

Didn't you think Gary was acting a little strangely this evening?

Gary?

Who's Gary?

Lisa, you have to promise me that things aren't gonna get out of control.

Wyatt, don't worry. You're just having a few friends over.

I don't have any friends, Lisa.

He doesn't.

Boy in line.

You do now.

Hi.

Standing there by the window, staring out at the night.

It's a little bit of trouble, but don't worry, baby.

It's going to work out fine.

You heard the sound of footsteps.

It's a little bit of trouble, but don't worry,

baby. How you doing?

How you doing?

Where's the car?

How's your stomach?

It's a little better.

If you're gonna float an air biscuit, let me know, okay?

Float a what?

If you're gonna fart, if you're gonna squeeze cheese, let me know, okay? I'll

hit the fan.

I'm sorry, guys.

Just... I suffer pain and discomfort due to occasional stomach upset.

You know, I can't believe this, Wyatt. I'm so disappointed in us.

I mean, all we ever do is sit around and talk about how great it would be if we

went to parties, right? And now it's our party, and there are hundreds of people

here having a great time, and we're into John.

We're into John. I can't believe it.

Gary, you're just as uptight as I am, all right? Let me tell you something.

Nobody can be as uptight as you, okay?

Nobody. Your middle name is tense, okay?

Wyatt, tense abnormally. All right, this is true. This is true. This is true.

Wyatt.

It's not that bad. I mean, we can hear the music.

This is great. We can dance. Oh, that's great. If we put our noses to the door,

maybe we can smell the food.

Hey, brother.

What's happening, my main man?

Right on.

Scotch. Spray it up?

Yeah, give me the whole bottle.

Tell you what.

You bend over, and I'll shove it straight up your ass.

On the rocks is fine.

Yeah, that's what I thought you were going to say.

Yes,

she is you deal with the drinks I'll kill the girls

Wonder if Lisa's having a good time.

Lisa could have a good time at an insurance seminar, Wyatt.

You know, the thing that really galls me is that she's ours and we can't get

close to her.

I hate the fan.

This is like the best party I've ever been to. Oh, I know. It's great.

Do you know who's house this is?

I think it might be that girl with the English accent.

Did you notice that girl doesn't have a zit on her whole body? Did you notice

that? I know, she's like zero fat.

And she's so relaxed.

She burped in her sleep.

Charming. Yeah.

Uh,

yeah. The bathroom.

Ladies.

I can't believe you. I cannot.

You're dropping wolf bait and there are chicks outside.

Light a match or something.

Light a fire. I don't know.

Hi.

Hi.

We're sorry. We thought there were just girls in there. I'm sorry.

Oh, it's just us dudes, you know.

What are you doing here?

Gary was just taking a shit.

No, what I meant was... No, no, what I meant was what are you doing at the

party?

Oh, it's on my house.

This is your party?

Um, yeah, well, you know, we, uh, we like to do this about once a week, you

know, throw little gatherings together. Yeah, little get-togethers, that kind of

thing. Haven't you guys been by, or...? No.

How the heck did we miss these two? I don't know. So many people, so many

parties. So many people, you know, so many parties, you know, you lose track,

and, uh... Um, would you mind if I came in and checked my face?

What's wrong with your face?

Can we come in?

Come on in. Sure, yeah.

Okay, be our guest. Thanks, guys.

Come on in.

Well, um,

we've seen you guys at school, but we've never met. You're Hilly. You're Deb. How

you doing? Deb.

You're Deb. Hi, I'm Gary.

Hi, Gary.

Well, what are you guys been doing?

This is a wild crowd. I didn't know you guys had so many friends.

Yeah, neither did we. Neither did we.

Uh,

who's the... girl with the axe and i thought that this was her party but i

you mean the real sensuous exotic uh sexy mature sex symbol type yeah she's

with us she's with you guys come on lisa why not

because i belong to gary and wyatt belong what they

make you in the garage with power tools they own you control you seriously

seriously

They're tomes.

Do I look like I'd go out with two toes?

You do.

It's true.

I think Gary and Wyatt are going to force everyone to redefine their terms.

And you're completely loyal to them.

I do whatever they say.

Could you excuse us for a minute, please?

Uh, that's no problem. Yeah, we'll be right in here.

I

could

be wrong, but I think these ladies are stoked for us, Wyatt. I got that feeling

myself. What do we do?

I don't know. Should we go for it? What about Lisa? She did say we should party.

Look, let's get on with these two score points and go back to Lisa. This is like

a dream come true.

How about I'll see if you can score the points with these two and deal with the

mechanics when we get to them later.

Sounds good.

Okay, but whatever happens, gotta give Lisa a shot. I don't want to hurt her

feelings. I mean, the girl's looking for a long, lean bone job from me.

Ready to party down?

Let's break.

Where did you two disappear to?

Nowhere. We were in the kitchen.

I'm doing my hair.

Have you met Gary and Wyatt?

No.

Sort of.

If you get the chance, shower with them. I did.

It's a mind scrambler.

Oh, that's so good.

She took a shower with them.

I have a wonderful idea, Henry.

After dinner, why don't we stop by and visit with Wyatt?

I hate to think of his being alone at home tonight.

Doesn't he have anything to read?

Well, I don't know, dear.

But you know, nothing's more important to a teenage boy than his grandparents.

We'll drop by. Oh, good.

I'd like to open up by apologizing for the icy today at the mall. I was very

immature, and I'm sorry.

And, uh, it was just... It was just, like, calm foolery.

But we are sorry.

It happened.

Yeah.

So what's the deal with Lisa? Can, you know, can we borrow her?

Uh, we can't do that, guys, you know, because common decency prohibits us. We

can't. It's not cool.

Well, she said it was cool.

We... We can't take advantage of her loyalty.

Sorry, guys.

Man, but that's really selfish. That hurts, you know? Uh, Ian, uh, just

forget it, guys, because we can't do it, you know?

Oh, come on. Quit being such pricks.

Hey, come on.

Regardless of what she may have told you, our feelings for Lisa run very

deep. It's like emotions, heavy, heavy emotions.

Our feelings for Deb and Hilly run as deep as yours do for Lisa. And it's

respect. It's like the time you spent together, you know?

And a couple of guys like you deserve them.

See, we like your style, so we wanted to make a deal with you.

You let us have a crack at Lisa, and then we'll let you have Devin Hilly.

Can you guys keep a secret?

Sure. Secret?

Talk again.

It's Gary.

No, no. It's our boy, Gary.

He's our 16-year-old boy.

I don't know what the hell you're talking about, Lucy, and I want you to

shut up.

I feel like an asshole.

This had better work.

This is just a blueprint, okay? Now look. You like it?

Bigger tits.

Go, go, go, go.

Give him the knee shooters. I don't care.

I have blood penetration again.

What the hell's going on here?

Excuse me, Arthur.

It's all right. Excuse me, Art.

Oh, shit.

Where's Eddie? Eddie's down in the lab. He and Grandpa are working on a new

project. Another investment?

I haven't seen it.

It's got something to do with the robot.

You had to be big shots, didn't you?

You had to show off.

When are you gonna learn people like you for what you are, not for what you can

give them?

In your race for power and glory, you forgot one small detail.

We forgot to hook up the doll.

You forgot to hook up the doll.

Something's going on here, Carmen.

I have a feeling we're not going to approve, Henry.

A missile!

A missile!

A missile in my house, Gary!

Yep, this puppy's for real, all right. It was an accident.

Simple, you know.

Accident in my ass, Gary!

My parents are coming home. Chet's coming home. They're gonna freak out!

They're gonna shit egg rolls.

Get down! Get down!

Stop!

You disgusting tramp!

You, you, you hosers! Out!

Out! Right, cut that out, would you?

You ought to know better than to walk into somebody's house and start hitting

people with your Rex Harrison hat.

This is my daughter's home.

Who the hell are you?

Well, I'm a very dear, close, personal friend of your grandson's. Henry, call

the police.

I will.

I'll have you incarcerated.

Here's the deal, folks.

Gary and Wyatt, they created me on their computer.

I'm not going to stand here and listen to this baloney.

He won't, you know. He doesn't stand for baloney.

Do you mind waiting here?

There won't be a moment.

Have you ever?

Never.

Excuse me, guys.

Wyatt, your grandparents are downstairs.

Okay, thanks, Lise.

Yes? Where are my grandparents?

Wyatt, your kitchen is blue.

You want to try one? Where are my grandparents, Lisa?

They're all taken care of, okay?

You're gonna love this one.

Are they all right?

They're fine.

In fact, they're better than fine.

They're not aging anymore.

See? They're smiling.

Uh, Lisa, if any more of his relatives drop by, we'll be upstairs in the

bathroom, okay?

It's pretty sick, Lisa.

Those guys really need some self-confidence.

A challenge.

Something that'll bring out their inner strength and courage.

I'm so bloody clever.

Now.

This button's for you.

This party's lame, Max! What about the

girls?

There are motorcycles in my house.

Wyatt, they're killing mutants in your house, okay?

Guys, you have uninvited guests. I think you better come out and ask them to

leave. They're getting pretty rowdy.

This is an excellent chance for you to prove your bravery and courage.

Those are outdated concepts, all right?

Don't let John Wayne hear you say that.

The man is dead, Lisa, okay?

Well, so are you if you don't deal with this situation.

No, thanks.

Gary, do you feel like a chicken?

What if I could shoot an egg on my ass right now? I would.

What about all these people?

Will they think we're cowards?

I don't know.

Look, we can deal with shame, okay? Death is a much deeper issue.

We're gonna go get you guys some drinks. You look like a scotchman. You want

some, uh... We're gonna get some stuff and we're gonna... Is this your party?

Uh... Well, yeah, well, kind of. I mean, if you could call it a party, you know,

because... It's, um, just a few friends.

How come... two unpopular dicks like you...

is having a party?

I don't know.

I mean, I guess I was just asking myself that very question, and unlike Dick,

sometimes they're the weirdest. I don't know.

How would you like all your friends here to know that you wear a bra

on your head?

Tossed off into any good books lately, have we?

You two can't even take a shower with a beautiful woman

without wearing your jeans.

Prepare to die white. Gary, I can't wait to die.

We are gonna kick ass.

Okay.

This is war.

Hands off the girls. Let's leave the girls out of this. Hands off.

I said hands off!

Now!

Why don't you

shut up, bitch?

And as for your ugly ass, let me tell you something.

You don't come into my friend's house with your faggot friends driving your

motorbikes all over his floors, breaking windows, making a mess, stinking up the

place. And believe me, you do stink.

And here's what's going to happen.

You're going to let go of the girls.

And you're going to apologize to all these people.

And you're going to get on your bikes and peddle your ugly asses out of here.

So now, uh, we're gentlemen, so we're gonna give you a choice.

Yeah, you can leave in peace.

Or you can stay and die.

Choice is yours.

Beg your pardon. You have a lovely home.

Terribly sorry.

Call me. We have lunch.

Can we keep this between us?

I'd hate to lose my teaching job.

God bless you.

I can't believe it, you know? Is everyone all right? I just want to know.

Everyone's like, this is so exciting. You know, we're heroes.

These guys came into your house, and we showed them down. I can't believe this.

You know what we did?

You and me, we saved all these people, Wyatt. You don't understand that. We're

heroes. This could mean a guest shot on Phil Donahue. I don't know, but this is

exciting, man. Gary! What?

Where the hell did you get that thing?

Square-cut, man.

That's my boys.

What a weird night, huh?

You really weren't afraid of those guys?

I was scared.

But what could I do?

It's probably a good idea for me not to ask too many questions about tonight.

Probably. This is a sort of a night of weird shit.

I was wondering if I can ask you something kind of strange.

Would you kiss me?

What about Ian?

We all make mistakes.

Okay. Okay.

Where do you want it?

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

How do you feel about Lisa?

I love her.

That's what I figured.

But, uh... I mean, it's definitely a different kind of love, you know?

It's more sisterly, you know, like big sisterly, kind of.

But she's so beautiful.

Yeah, she's really beautiful.

And her body is... It's gorgeous.

It's a nice figure.

So... Then I... I mean, what would I be compared to her?

Deb...

Lisa is everything I ever wanted in a girl.

Before I knew what I wanted.

I know that if I could do it again, I'd make her just like you.

Honest.

Dead honest. I'm like, you know, I...

I gotta tell you, because I'm really honest when I say that. I'm so very

honest. I mean that.

Little bastard.

At least don't let him have messed up my room.

My room's okay. I won't kill him, I promise.

I'll just hurt him real bad.

Freeze.

Chet!

Where's my brother?

Ow.

Uh, I don't know.

You're dead meat, Pilgrim.

Um... Chet, Chet, Chet, Chet, Chet. That's her nose. Come on, now look. She

has nothing to do with it.

Okay.

You die.

She walks out of here with a severe limp.

That's why I told the brother, Chet.

He's kind of an asshole.

Oh, hi, Chet.

What the hell is going on around here?

Chet, I'm sorry. It was an accident. An accident?

An accident?

Do you realize it's snowing in my room? God damn it! Um, some real weird shit

happened, Chet. Some real weird shit. You don't have to be a genius to figure

that out, monkey dick.

Start talking, little man.

Look, Chet, it's a real long story.

Gary and I were messing around with the computer Friday night when we decided to

make a woman when we didn't. She went crazy and she messed up the whole house.

A little smart mouth to me, you wormy little shit.

Why don't you just leave him alone?

Stay out of this, bimbo. Does the family matter?

Chet, just let me find Lisa. She can explain everything. She'll clear

everything up, Chet.

Chet, you can have my college money and my Social Security, Chet.

So, you guys think you can pull one over on me, huh?

Huh?

You got everybody synced to the same bullshit story.

This isn't bullshit. This is a Persian missile chip.

It's Chet.

My name is Chet.

And I didn't think it was a whale's dick, honey.

Hi,

Nanny. Hi, Grampy.

I'm not a moron, you know.

I... Was that my grandparents?

Are they dead?

Oh, no. They're just resting.

What are they doing in here?

I put them in there.

I didn't want the boys to get into trouble.

Quite frankly, they weren't having a very good time at the party.

Not having a good time?

Do you think they're having a good time being catatonic in a closet?

Do you have any idea how disrespectful that is?

Boy, I wouldn't give a squirt of piss for your ass right now.

Okay, that's quite enough.

You guys get the girls home. Wyatt, take the Porsche.

Gary, you take the Ferrari.

The Ferrari?

I want to be alone with Chet here.

Good to see you again, Chet. Get out of here.

Come on, take your little hussies home.

The parents are probably worried sick.

Lady, I want to get to the bottom of this. A-S-A-F-P.

Oh, so do I.

But first, I'd like to butter your muffin.

Why do you have to be such a wanker?

Because I get off on it.

Now, I want you to promise that you'll keep your big mouth shut about

everything that has happened here this weekend.

And I want you to treat Wyatt and Gary with dignity and respect.

Oh, really?

Yeah, oh, really.

I can be a real serious bitch if I don't get what I want.

Ooh, hit me with your best shot.

How fast are you going?

About 35.

Wait,

this can't be right.

Are you looking at the RPMs?

No, I think I'm looking at about 50 tickets.

Oh, my.

That was great.

You son of a bitch!

Ew! Ew!

Ew, that was Gary!

Who is this Gary character?

I had a really great time last night.

Probably be granted for a month or so, but... I'll wait for you.

I want to thank you for a great night.

Same here.

Deb, I have kind of a confession to make.

I'm really not this cool.

That's not my car.

This is not my suit.

I mean, none of those people were my friends.

Why are you telling me all of this?

Because I want you to like me for what I am.

Whatever you are, I like it.

Well, um, I better get going, because, um, Wyatt and I still have to deal with

Chet.

Quit screwing around.

This isn't funny, you stupid bitch.

Oh, now, careful, Chet. Don't make me angry.

Sorry.

That's better.

Would you please turn me back to normal, please?

I haven't done anything to you.

No, but you've done plenty to your brother.

Like what?

Well, let me see.

You've nagged him, harassed him, suppressed him, kept him in fear of you,

extorted money from him.

It's done out of love.

Just for that, I ought to give you a set of elephant balls.

Give me your word

that you'll leave Wyatt and Gary alone and I'll change you back.

Oh, all right.

Shake on it, huh?

No, thanks. I'd rather not.

Wait! Where are you going?

Well, I have to go and get changed.

What about me?

What about you? You'll be fine. It just takes a little while for the effect to

wear off, okay?

Well?

I'm in love.

It's great, isn't it?

The best.

You know, I'll tell you why.

I think things are turning around for us.

I mean it.

Okay, what about Lisa?

I think we're off to have a talk with her.

You think she'll understand?

I think so. I mean, uh, I sure as hell wouldn't want to date you.

You're not my type, you know.

Chuck. Hi, dudes.

I'm sorry, Wyatt.

I'm sorry for being such a shit to you all these years.

And, gee, well, I want you to know that I love you.

That's nasty, Wyatt.

That's Chuck, Gary.

In here.

Lisa?

Yeah?

You saw Chet?

Yes, I did.

You responsible?

Yes, I am.

Lisa, we can't have him like that.

It'd ruin Christmas.

Listen, he's gonna be fine in half an hour.

He's not gonna spoil Christmas.

And he's not gonna bug you anymore, either.

Lisa, we have to have a talk with you.

What's on your mind?

I really don't know how to say this to you.

You guys found girlfriends, right?

Fell in love with the two girls.

They fell in love with you.

That's all I ever wanted for you.

You're not hurt?

Yeah, sure I'm hurt.

But I wouldn't change it.

I'm really just getting off seeing you two guys straightened out.

Oh, I've had a wonderful time.

Lisa.

No, no, no, no.

So what did you guys do this weekend?

Not much.

Just hung around the house, you know.

Daddy had this crazy notion you guys might throw a party or do something

nutty.

Not us. Not here. No way.

Okay drop and give me 20

Plastic tubes and pots and pans, bits and pieces and bits and pieces and bits

of my creation.

Is it real?

It's my creation.

Ooh, my creation. It's my creation.

We're in silence.

Oh, magic and technology.

Voodoo dolls and gents.

Electricity we're making. We're in silence.

Fantasy and microchips. Bits and pieces and bits and pieces and bits of my

creation. Yes, it's real.

It's my creation.

I do not know.

The hesitation.

The heart of gold.

The flesh and blood.

I do not know.

Weird science.

Magic and technology.

Food laws and chance.

Weird science.

Things we've never seen before.

Behind open doors.

Weird science.

Weird science.

Weird science.

It's in pieces.

It's in pieces. Weird science.

Is it real

is is