Original subtitles

It's time for Animaniacs.

And we're zany to the max.

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh and you can laugh. We're Animaniacs.

Come join the Warner Brothers.

And the Warner Sister Dot.

Just for fun we run around the Warner movie lot. They lock us in the tower

whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then done loose and now you know the fault. We're

Animaniacs. Don is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wacko packs away the snacks. We pay tons of income tax.

We're Animaniacs.

Me, Ralph, and Dr. Scratch and Sniff say hi to Hello Nurse.

When feathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Barton chases Mindy while Rita sings a verse. The writers split, we had no

script, my father to rehearse. We're Animaniacs.

We have pay or play contracts.

Ladies and gentlemen, once a year, the coveted Humanitarian Animation Award...

is given to that children's program which best achieves the goal of

promoting human values.

We at the Warner Brothers Studio would like to be included as humanitarian

animation nominees, but would never stoop so low as to pander for such a

prestigious award.

Goodness, brothers, we're going to have to save this poor baby whale.

Yes, Dot. He is among several endangered species of marine life that have fallen

victim to man's irresponsible behavior.

All set!

I just have to say that I

feel a lot of love in this cartoon right now.

It's time to get going to that lecture on ozone depletion.

We can catch the bus over here.

Well, why don't we just walk?

It'll be a positive step towards helping the environment.

Oh, how's that, Doc?

Well, you see, Yakko, car engines consume fossil fuels, which are a non

-renewable source of energy.

And the burning of those fuels contributes to pollutants in our

atmosphere. That's why carpooling and use of public transportation can go a

long... way in helping to provide a cleaner environment.

That, and getting a ride with Ed Begley Jr.

You know, I'm glad we had this little talk.

Me too.

Hey, do you guys mind if we stop off at the library next? I have to return this

book I've been reading on Mahatma Gandhi.

Sure, but we have to be back by three, okay?

Why is that?

Well, I'm helping plant more trees for the Nature Conservancy this afternoon.

Oh, that reminds me. Dodd!

How's the spotted owl you've been nursing back to health?

Oh, fine.

In fact, it's playing with the white Siberian tiger. We'd like to encourage

all of our viewers to give generously to protect our precious natural resources.

Goodness, what's that terrible smell?

I believe it's secondhand smoke.

Excuse me, sir, but did you know that new state and federal statutes prohibit

smoking in certain areas?

Really? I had no idea how rude and inconsiderate of me.

Not only that, but the search in general has determined that smoking is a leading

cause of lung cancer. Is it a leading cause, or should it be the leading

cause? I don't know, but it contains carbon monoxide.

You don't say.

I'd better get rid of these cigarettes right away.

It's important not to litter, too.

I guess I owe you kids a debt of gratitude.

Thanks for your concern.

Aw, gee.

We like helping out because it makes us feel good. Not because we're trying to,

you know, win a Humanitarian Animation Award or something like that.

Good for you.

Oh, nurse!

I love you!

Yeah!

You know, it's a shame that there are some men who view women as objects.

I'll handle this.

Excuse me, Doc, but I don't believe violence ever solved anything.

I agree.

There's too much violence on TV as it is. That's why we at Animaniacs feel

there should be a more productive means of conflict resolution than inflicting

injury on another party.

You're right.

Losing one's temper only makes you wrong.

Hey, I'm hungry. Anybody care for a sandwich?

What kind do you have?

I've got ground beef and veggie. I'll take the veggie.

Yeah, me too.

You sure you don't want beef? It's really good.

Well, Racco, as much as I like the taste of beef, recent studies have shown that

the high fat content of certain meats can be a major contributor to heart

disease. Really?

Oh, yes. The plain and simple truth is that we are what we eat.

Proper nutrition augmented with an appropriate exercise regimen is the best

way to ensure a healthier lifestyle.

And if you haven't got your health, you haven't got a thing.

You know?

i think it's really special that we could share this moment together ladies

and gentlemen we interrupt this program to bring you the following special

news bulletin the winner of the humanitarian animation award is about to

be selected i'm proud to announce that this

year's award goes to

A panda called Pookie.

To the winners of this great honor and the accompanying large cash award, we

wish to say congratulations.

And to the losers, well, better luck next year.

May I borrow this? Certainly.

Anybody want a piece of really fattening cheesecake?

Does it have a ton of sugar in it?

Yeah. I'll take two.

I think I'm going to go buy a large hot fudge sundae and have it for dinner. You

want to come?

Okay, but let's take the car.

Yeah. We'll have to stop and fill it up, though. That pig sucks gas like it's

water. How about you, Dot? Want to come?

Nah. I think I'm going to go chop down a Christmas tree and put it in my house to

decorate. Then I'm going to sit on my butt and watch TV all day.

Okay. Excuse me. I just heard.

I'm sorry you didn't win the Humanitarian Animation Award.

Hello, nurse.

Oh, well, there's always next year.

Hi,

Mindy dear.

Hi, pretty lady.

Well, I'm glad you think I'm pretty, sugar, but mom, dear, say mom.

leaving now, Mindy. I'm a guest on Oprah since today's topic is overprotective

mothers. Okay, pretty lady. I love you. Bye-bye.

Now, Buttons, you'll look after Mindy while I'm gone.

Well, that's odd.

You don't normally see fog over the cemetery at this time of year. Oh, well.

Gotta run.

Hello my mommy, hello my graveyard ghoul.

Mr. Ice Cream Man.

We're here.

Hey, hi, kids. What'll you guys have today?

The usual. Give us the mango, papaya, quince, coconut, persimmon, guava.

And avocado.

Thick, super-duper, triple-malt shake.

Make mine stirred, not shaken.

Make mine non-fat.

Girl's gotta watch her figure.

Make mine with extra fat.

Coming right up.

in one gulp?

Maybe.

Could be more than you can handle.

I'll take that as a challenge.

I've been doing this since I was a kid.

That's gross.

Can you do it again?

I can't help it.

Toby,

a glass of water.

Drink this.

We need a bigger glass.

I heard a spoonful of sugar will do the trick.

How about a spoonful of honey?

I think this calls for professional help.

If I don't get a desk soon, I'm gonna quit.

It won't start.

Hey fellas, try a quarter.

They got one of these at Chuck E. Cheese.

Come on, Sibs.

We'll scour the globe for the answer.

Maybe we can scare Wacko's hiccups away.

Well, it's worth a try.

Don't you, Wilworth?

Didn't work.

Didn't work.

Maybe this guy will do the trick.

That's it.

I quit.

Twelve years of Harvard Medical School for this?

Hey, I tell you, old golfers never die, huh? They just kind of put it away.

Thank you. You're all beautiful. I wish I could take you all home with me. My

caddy's not big enough.

No! It's too cruel!

It's not working.

Hey, where's Brooke Shields, huh?

We're here to cure the one called Wacko of the hiccups.

I'm Wacko.

Caught!

Well,

did it work?

Test one, test two. Is there a doctor in the house?

Fellow colleagues, you are here to witness this medical phenomenon.

Go on. That's your cue.

Well,

go ahead.

Sorry, performance anxiety.

He's killed!

Get in the jaw.