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(low-tempo music)

(chime)

(mid-tempo R&B music)

- Ah, alright, oh man.

I'll never party with Chris again.

What's next?

- Hello, Mr. Donovan. - Hey, Lisa,

what's goin' on, I just got in.

- Not much, but might I ask,

what's going on with you and all these women?

(laughs)

- Excuse me, where'd that come from?

- I'm just sayin' for the past couple weeks

you've been going out with these women

and it's different ones every time I see you,

it's like you can't choose.

I'm just saying.

- So, what are you implying?

That I can't keep a woman to save my life?

'Cause honestly, I don't think that's

none of your business.

- Well look, there's no disrespect,

but you're gonna find a woman one of these days

and she's not gonna give you the love

and romance you expect, I mean,

if you fall in love with her.

But what do I know.

By the way, here's the chart numbers for last week.

- I'd like to fall in love with you

and play with your charts.

Damn, I'm glad I picked her as an assistant.

(phone beeping)

- [Lisa] Mr. Donovan, your appointment is waiting.

- Okay, thank you, Lisa, send her in, alright.

(mid-tempo R&B music)

* Would you let me take you home?

* Would you let me make you mine?

- [Woman] Mr. Donovan?

* Would you let me take you home?

Mr. Donovan! - Oh, uh, hi, um,

I'm Brandon Donovan, nice to meet you.

- Adrianna Charles.

- [Brandon] Adrianna Charles,

have a seat. - Thank you.

- What's the occasion, Adrianna?

- I'm reaching out to you for my law firm,

I'd like to do a little radio advertisment.

- Oh okay, well that seems fine,

you know, I'm fine, I mean, fine with it.

We're an advertising agency,

we do billboards, this is how it is,

we'll put you on a billboard in a swim suit,

you know what I'm saying?

We'll put you on a billboard with a swim suit,

have your name up there- - Whoa, whoa, whoa,

A swim suit? - Yeah, a swim suit,

I mean, you'd look gorgeous. - What in the Lord's

name does a swim suit have to do with a law firm?

- Well, it has a lot, I mean,

once you have that, you know,

pretty much seductive look to where

you can attract people like that,

I'm telling you, sweetheart,

you'll get a lot of clients.

Especially me if I'm in charge.

- I'll tell you what, I mean,

I don't have a problem with seduction,

but this meeting is over.

- Well, how about dinner?

Lunch?

Breakfast?

Denny's, IHOP? - Sorry baby, I'm taken.

- Taken, I'd take you out to dinner, just me and you...

- [Man] You alright, man?

I mean, we can get something to eat after this

or something, but forget that, bro.

- [Brandon] Man.

- Who was that? - Man, that was

Adrianna Charles, Adrianna Charles,

the biggest law prestigious woman in the city.

She's a lawyer.

- So that's the next one on the list!

I knew it, I knew it, bro, you be pullin' 'em, bro.

I'm trying to be like you,

how you use face creams and stuff,

I'm trying to do that now, you know what I'm saying?

I work out, use yoga. - Right, right.

You do yoga?

- Yeah, it cleans you out and everything,

but don't worry about that, bro,

because I'm gettin' 'em too.

Things like you just had.

- Man, man, it takes time, it takes time,

my brother, it takes time.

- I ain't got time, you know what I'm saying?

I'm trying to be like you, Brandon, the man!

Bro, she had, it was like a slinky effect, bro.

I just saw her walking.

- Yeah, alright man.

Slinky effect?

(low-tempo music)

- [Ladies] Hey, Mr. Donovan.

- Hey ladies, how you doing today?

- Hey, Mr. Donovan.

(record scratch)

(low-tempo R&B music)

- Hey Lisa, any updates on commercials?

- Uh, yes, you have five commercials

you have to produce over the next month,

and the marketers want you to be very thorough,

we need to make magic happen with them

so I really advise you to go over

the ones you wanna produce.

- Right, right, not a bad thing at all.

So, quick question.

Do you think I'm sleazy at all?

- Yes.

- Should've, you could've maybe thought about

it for two or three minutes, but I mean,

damn, at least give me some time, you know?

- When I became your assistant you told me

you wanted somebody that was honest, trustworthy.

You know, someone that's there for you

when you needed guidance,

and honestly, if I was your mama,

I would beat your ass for the things

that you are doing to these women.

Why you make it so difficult,

you only need one. - It's not that I'm

making it difficult it's just,

I wanna find a woman that's beautiful,

sexy, smart, intelligent, you know,

such as yourself, I mean,

that wears high heels and wears skirts

that make a woman feel beautiful about herself,

she wears earrings, she's good from head to toe.

Just as you...I mean, is that too much to ask?

- That's cool and all, Mr. Suave.

But after you done got done warning

me with all that player stuff

and that mac daddy stuff,

I'd have one thing to tell you

and that is you will never hit this.

- Maybe I am a sleazeball.

Man, no I'm not, I'm Brandon Donovan.

(footsteps)

(mid-tempo music)

- Hey.

- [Woman] Hi.

- There ya go. - Oh, thank you so much.

- Yeah, ketchup, mustard and relish hot dog.

- Just the way I like it.

- Yeah, so how was your day today?

- Oh, it was actually pretty good, I just got off of work

and I was excited about coming on this date.

So it's been going well, thank you for asking.

- Yeah, you know, I'm just trying to do simple things,

eat a hot dog, you know. - It's always fun to just

get out and do something simple.

- Right, right, I mean, if anything,

just being on a date with you, it's just you're so cute.

- Oh, thank you. - Yeah.

Man, so what do you do?

- Well, I'm a massage therapist.

- That'd be masseuse, it's really good, huh?

- It is, I mean, I like to relax people

and make sure they get what they need.

A lot of tension, it's not good for your body,

good for your health, so as much as I can help,

I like to. - Right, right,

I understand you completely.

I've got some tension that you can release for me.

- What? - I'm sorry,

tensions about the hot dog, you know what I'm saying?

Tensions like when you get hungry,

and you feel that tension and you're just like...

- I think that's called heartburn.

- Yeah, either way it's tension.

But when you eat this hot dog,

you're gonna be like wow,

it filled that tension up,

it's good, you know? - Okay.

So, why are you single again?

- Uh, you know, I guess I haven't found

that type of woman yet, you know,

where she can fit in my schedule

and we can relax together

and do our social things, you know?

- Okay. - Because if people don't

know how to build, you know,

the sex falls off and everything, like-

- Everything, like, it just tears apart.

- Yeah, but my sex is not gonna fall off from you.

- Okay, you are really takin' it far-

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Let's back it up, let's back it up, let's back it up.

Hey, let's have a general talk.

- Okay. - Let's have a general talk.

So yeah, so, I've been doing a lot with my celebrities

and doing my show and they've been fantastic.

- Right, I mean, it's nice to spend time

with a businessman who has his head on straight.

- Yeah? - You know,

have a good conversation.

- Yeah, I know I can definitely get your head on straight.

- You know what, that is it. - Wait, I'm sorry,

I didn't mean it, come back!

Wait a minute, is you bowlegged?

Wait, I'm sorry!

(slap)

(slow R&B music)

(mid-tempo R&B music)

- Brandon!

- Hey, Reggie, how's it going, man?

- What's going on, man, it's good, and yourself?

- Man, I've been alright, keeping busy, man.

- Man, looking good man, we're doing big things.

- I hear that, man, hey look, man,

I bet you 20 dollars when they ask for

it tomorrow you can't hit that hoop.

- I bet you 100.

- Bet ya 100, let's go 200.

- Sounds good, man, what you doing here?

- I'm looking for a date right now, man.

- What you doing over here then?

- What I'm doing, well, alright then, Reg.

Don't have to tell me twice,

I'll be right back. - Have a good one.

- Alright now.

Hey, beautiful, how you doing?

- Hey, how are you?

- I'm doing pretty good, how about yourself?

- I'm good, what took you so long?

- Ugh, traffic, I've been at the office all day long,

working, working, working.

- Well, you look nice.

- Oh, well, thank you, you know, I try,

that's why they call me Brandon Donovan.

- [Woman] How do I look?

- [Brandon] You look sensational.

- Thanks.

- [Brandon] So how's it been going?

- I mean, everything's been going great,

you know, I pitched a new idea to my company

and I think they like it so this

could be great, my big break.

- Sorry, ma'am, may I take your drink order, please?

- Uh, yes, water for me right now.

- Lemon? - Yes, please.

- And for you? - A water with

the lemon on the side, not inside,

but on the side of the rim of the glass.

'Cause the rind can get you sick,

so just set it on the rim of the glass.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Wow, you must know a lot about

ordering a glass with lemon?

- Yeah, well I heard a couple of girls

complaining about it- just a second...

- [Brandon] Oh, no problem.

- Bad luck, but, um, anyways,

just try it. - No, I ain't gonna

throw the salt over-

- [Woman] Just try it, Brandon,

really quick before we eat.

We're talking about lemon, diseases and germs,

you gotta get the bad omens out so just throw

it over your shoulder real quick, yeah, okay.

Okay, so anyways- - You noticed

I did not get it on the suit, right?

- Absolutely, it's fine, I'll take it to

the dry cleaners for you, it's just salt.

Oh, thank you! - Thanks, man.

- Um, do you have a napkin for me to set this on?

- Okay, I'll bring that back for you,

would you guys like to order right now

or would you like a minute?

- [Woman] Do we need a minute?

- We're gonna take a minute. - Okay, I'll be right

back with your napkin for your wet glass.

- [Woman] Thank you, thanks.

- [Brandon] I didn't know you were OCD-like.

- Well, I don't think it's too much to ask for

a napkin to set your cup on.

- Not at all, not at all.

- It's okay Brandon, I'm not gonna take it out on you,

I'm not gonna hold this against you.

- [Brandon] Okay.

- I know that you care about me,

I know that you like me-

- You don't have to worry about that,

I think I'll be okay.

- Here's your napkin ma'am, sorry about that.

- [Woman] Oh my gosh, thank you so much.

- Okay, our special for the night is a nice tilapia

over Moscato Chianti sauce and a nice ham hock on the side.

- Sounds pretty good. - It is.

- Oh, it's only 550 calories.

(woman giggles)

- [Woman] That'll take me 12 minutes on

the treadmill to burn. - Oh, I'm sure

it wouldn'y, you look great.

- [Woman] Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- I will have the Moscato

chicken legs with the drum sauce, please.

- [Waiter] Okay, okay.

- I'm gonna have that,

and the young lady will have...?

- Well, I don't want any of this

mosquito tilapia fish stuff-

- [Waiter] Moscato tilapia, ma'am.

- Oh, the grilled barbecue chicken is fine.

- [Waiter] Okay.

- Yeah, the grilled barbecue chicken.

- [Waiter] Okay, sounds good.

- Alright, alright.

- And I'll be right back, ma'am.

- Thank you so much.

Brandon, please, okay, I'm having a moment right now,

don't make me freak out, in this restaurant.

- Alright, alright, you know what?

- Do I look okay, is my makeup running?

- Yeah, no- - Just put your finger

right here, mascara, I feel that,

I feel it, wait a minute-

- It's fine, it's fine- - I, you're not getting it,

what are you, right handed, left handed?

What are you, Brandon? - You know what-

- You don't know what you are?

You're definitely not ambidextrous we know that.

- You know what I'm gonna do,

yeah, I'm gonna go to the bar, okay,

and I'm gonna go get you a drink, is that okay?

Is that okay, Sophia?

- [Sophia] Yeah, that's fine, that's fine, that's fine.

- Alright, I'm gonna-

- [Sophia] Yeah, before I flip out, seriously,

go ahead, it's fine, it's fine, Brandon, it's fine.

- Alright, I'm gonna go get you one, I'll be right back.

- Brandon hurry up, I'm timing you.

(mid-tempo R&B music)

(sighing)

- Oh no, I can't do that again.

No more, no more Christian Mingles.

Look, if I'm gonna date somebody, it's gotta be real.

Why can't it be Adrianna, the girl who was inv-

(knocking)

- [Woman] Brandon!

(knocking)

- Shit, damn!

- [Woman] Brandon!

(knocking)

(yelling)

Brandon!

(knocking)

- [Brandon] Hold on!

- Hello?

- [Woman] Brandon?

- [Brandon] Yeah?

- I thought you said you were gonna be right back?

- [Brandon] Yeah, I was, then I got a phone call

from Santa, so, it looks like you're cold.

- You're trying to be funny right now,

you're so funny, yes, it's so cold,

will you let me in, I'm freezing.

I seriously just jogged here.

- Wait, I'm sorry, you ran all the way from Bran's?

- [Sophia] Yeah, I jogged here, I was jogging

so fast I actually ripped a hole in my jacket.

(Sophia giggling)

- Wow, damn you got some glutes.

Alright, come on, come on.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

- It's so cold. - Yeah.

You wanna warm up for about a few seconds

and then I know you gotta go.

- I don't have to be anywhere.

- Oh, okay. - Yeah, no,

I don't have anything going on.

Remember, we were gonna spend the whole night together?

- Thank you for letting me come over, Brandon.

I really appreciate it.

- Oh, you know what I'm saying,

just being a nice guy, you know.

- I know, but you really put up with a lot

and I am so appreciative.

I'm glad that you continue to see me,

I'm glad that you, you know, put up with my craziness,

I just wanna say thank you.

Come up here, come on, stop sitting so far away.

- Alright.

- [Sophia] I mean, what more do I need

to do to earn your trust, I'm here right?

I still look beautiful, right? - Don't be crazy.

- [Sophia] I had a little episode earlier, who doesn't?

You know? - Well, a lot of people.

(giggling)

- [Sophia] Come on, Brandon!

- Yeah, um- - Yeah, I know.

- But uh...

- I've been lifting a lot

of weights at the gym, I feel, like,

so big right now. - Yeah, I ain't going nowhere.

- [Sophia] You always make me laugh.

- Well, hey, that's what I do, you know.

- [Sophia] Is my leg too heavy for you?

- No, you alright, you alright, you alright.

- So, are we gonna watch a movie or something,

are we just gonna keep sitting here, talking?

- I mean, whatever you wanna do, I mean, it's cool.

What you wanna do, I mean, we can watch a movie,

we can talk- - I mean, whatever.

Oh my gosh, did you see that?

- What, see what?

- In my eyes right now, when they get cross eyed,

I'm like super horny. - Okay, um,

your eyes is cross eyed, alright.

- [Sophia] Oh Brandon, lighten up, lighten up, gosh.

I'm just kidding, whose eyes fucking go cross eyed

when they're getting horny, fucking nobody, okay?

I was just kidding, Jesus.

(mid-tempo R&B music)

- Whoa, man, hey...

I didn't know you was awake already.

- Yeah, I've been awake, just watching you.

- Right, so you just watch people when they sleep.

- I watch you, you're super cute.

- Oh, thank you. - When you're sleeping,

your nostrils come out in a flare.

But anyways, Brandon, Brandon,

Big Daddy Brandon, so how was it?

- Uh, I've had better.

(giggling)

- Brandon, what, what do you mean you've had better?

What do you mean you've had better, Brandon?

- I don't mean anything by it,

what I'm saying is, you know, I've had better.

No, that's not what I mean,

what I mean is, you know, it was bad?

- You know what, get the fuck out.

- Oh, shit. - Get out.

Get out! - Wait a minute,

wait a minute, get out of my house?

- Brandon, get out!

I am so not playing with you, get out!

Get out, get your stuff, get everything!

- Wait a minute, this, this is my house though,

you came into my house!

- [Sophie] By the time I'm done,

everything will be mine, okay?

- We're not even married!

- [Sophia] Get out, get out, get out before

I head butt you! - Oh, Lord Jesus...

(change falls on the ground)

- [Sophie] Yeah, I knew you was broke.

Get out, Brandon, goodbye, goodbye, get out.

- [Brandon] I'm not going anywhere, this is my house.

- Get out, what the, by the time I'm

done with this, I'll own everything!

- [Brandon] We're not married!

- Sophia wins again.

- [Brandon] What do you mean?

(door slams)

Out in my damn drawers, it's cold as hell outside!

Damnit, I can't believe she threw me out of the house, man,

this is fucking crazy, my own house,

my fucking clothes, my house,

I'm out here butt naked, this is some bullshit!

What's the noise, wait-

(dogs barking)

(screaming)

Oh, shit!

Oh, no, that's it, that's a dog!

That's a damn dog, shit!

I can't stand this bullshit right here,

it's too much bullshit, I can't deal with this!

(groaning)

Damnit!

Man, I hope Chris is home, man.

Ow!

Oh, my ass!

(groaning)

- [Chris] Who is it?

- It's me, Brandon.

- [Chris] Brandon?

- [Brandon] Yeah, man.

- Man, what is you come crawling to my apartment for,

you be tripping, hold on man, hold on, alright.

- [Brandon] Look man...

- Did anybody see you?

- I don't know, but that old lady,

looking out her door peeping at me.

- Why are you in your underwear

at five o'clock in the morning?

- Listen, man, this is what happened, alright,

I got kicked out of my own house by the girl

I was dating, Sophia, she throws me out of my house

with my clothes I'm wearing, lost my suit,

dog chases me, rips my suit up in half,

I don't have shoes, socks no more.

- Oh, my God. - That's why I'm

butt naked, comin' over here,

talking to you now.

- Hey, you gotta leave these crazy girls alone, man.

- It was good, I put it in, I put it in,

and then I came on out,

didn't know what happened after that.

I wake up about three o'clock, three thirty, maybe four,

okay, before I came over here.

I look at her, she asks me a question,

the question is, how was it for you?

My dumb ass looks at her and tells the truth

and says I've had better.

- Why would you say something like that?

- I don't know, Chris!

I don't know! - Ah, man!

- I'm telling the truth, all of a sudden I don't

know what is happening to me at this point,

but the shit is ridiculous.

- All you can do is tell the truth?

- I don't usually tell the truth when I get

a girl, you know this, Chris,

now I don't even know what to do now.

- Well, I've got your spare key.

- Yeah, I'm gonna need that.

- You can crash on the couch 'til the morning.

You know what you gotta do.

(slow R&B music)

- Hey, I'm gonna hit you right back, okay?

Alright, alright, peace.

- Hey, what's going on, man?

- How you doing?

- Yo, I just came into your office 'cause

Southwest Airlines wants to do a commercial with us

followed by another TV show, alright,

it's a new one too, on My Network TV?

It's called Flippin' Ain't Easy?

- Hey, guess what?

- [Brandon] Yeah?

- I met this chick, man, she was beautiful, bro.

Like she, blindingly, it was like looking at Jesus,

she was so beautiful, man, I just,

I said, oh my God, I gotta have her.

I got her number, last name, what was her last name, uh...

Her last name was Charles, man, she was beautiful, man-

- [Brandon] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

what's her first name?

- I didn't get it, I didn't get her first name.

- Well, that reminds me too,

another woman came into my office earlier

this week and her name was Adrianna Charles.

- They might be sisters.

- [Brandon] You thinking what I'm thinking?

- Let's take 'em to Michael Jackson!

- Yeah!

- [Chris] Hey, they gonna love that,

we gonna bang out after that!

- They gonna love that.

- [Chris] Can't no woman to to the

Michael Jackson show and not...

- Man, they gonna love that Michael Jackson!

Man, I'll tell you, man, look dope.

- Yeah, I'll see you at the gym in the morning,

you know what I mean.

- [Brandon] Alright, peace.

(upbeat rap music)

- Shit, that's a nice ass car right there you got.

- [Brandon] Yo man, what's up?

What's up, G?

- You ready?

- [Brandon] Ready.

- Hey. - What's up.

- Gettin' a workout in.

- You already know, man.

- What you about to do?

What, you gotta date?

- I might have one. - Why don't you

work out with us, man?

- Y'all don't go hard like I go hard.

- Really man, I went hard yesterday

on a cheeseburger. - On a cheeseburger?

- On four of 'em.

- You got something on your lip right there.

- Alright, alright, man. - I'll catch ya later.

What's up, man?

- Hey, Jesus, what's up?

- Hey, why you guys call me Jesus, man?

You know my name is Jesus.

- You remember last time he knocked that dude

out for calling him Jesus?

- Oh yeah, oh yeah.

- Why you gotta bring that up man,

you know I'm still on probation for that shit.

- Oh, hey, I got a new trainer.

- Who? - His name is the Vyborg.

- The Vyborg? - Yeah.

- Where'd you find that at?

- Uh, Craigslist.

- [Both] Craigslist?!

- Yeah, I find everything there.

- Hope you didn't find him on the back page.

- Nah, he wasn't there.

That girl last night, she was from there though.

(laughing)

- What's he look like?

- Oh, that's him right there.

- [Jesus] Damn, hell no!

- Y'all ready?

- Am I ready, I was born ready!

- I'm ready too... - Y'all ain't ready.

Come on, fat boy, I ain't got time for this shit.

We got work to do, hey, pump them legs.

- It's been easy so far.

- It's just a warm up.

(struggling and heavy breathing)

- My ass hurts!

- Get up on the machine, huh?!

- Alright, I'm gonna be over there.

- Ah, man, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go...

(thump)

- Get your bitch ass up.

When I say another one, you go grab the weight.

20, 30, they're right here.

I got something special for you.

- Alright, yeah, I'm about to tear it up in here.

I'm about to tear it up!

Where my weights at?

(laughing)

- You might wanna put a shirt on.

- [Brandon] Man, he gave me little ones, man.

- Y'all want muscle, keep them elbows straight.

You don't know nothing about weights,

you've never even touched a weight in your life.

Y'all keep doing this, ten sets and ten reps,

and if you ain't tired, keep going.

I'll catch you all tomorrow.

- What? - Tomorrow?

- Tomorrow? - Man, it's that Craigslist

shit, man. - How much you say

you paid for him? - $29.95.

- Figures. - Bullshit, man.

- I don't know but you're lifting those

big ass weights, man.

(laughing)

- Y'all laugh!

- [Jesus] So, how's things going business-wise?

- Ah, business-wise, it's going pretty good,

not too bad, you know how it goes, you know what I mean?

A couple business deals, you know.

Like, this other week I had a business deal with

one of the prestigious, what is it, I forgot the name,

Noxzema, Noxzema was in there.

They gave me a two point five million deal.

(whistle)

- Nice. - It's all good.

- So with that being said,

a five year commercial, 10.

Man, what's going on with you, man?

What's going on with you, Jesus?

- Oh man, just, you know, doing what I do.

Whenever I get to do it.

- Well, you been spending a lot of time

with days off, how's your girl doing?

- Oh man, she's good, man,

she's good people.

- I had a quick question, man. - What's up?

- What do you think about marriage?

- Oh, man, you know, I've been married before.

- [Brandon] Yeah?

- Yeah, it didn't work out so good, man,

it's hard to be married, man.

There's too many women out here.

You know, women get to chasing you,

usually you can't run fast enough

to get away from them.

- Shoot man, now I'm thinking about Adrianna so much,

Adrianna was so good, I wanna ask her to date.

But like I told you, the only thing is

she's married to that Lance Johnson.

- Well, she ain't married yet, you know.

- Is marriage a thing I should do, or not?

- Well, you gotta do what's right for you,

I support you either way.

- Yeah, how you feel about her?

Does she make you feel that way?

- If I actually had to pick one, eventually,

I think I'd pick Adrianna.

She's fine, she's beautiful, prestigious.

Come on, man, you can't beat that.

If anything, that's the one I'd pick.

- Hey man, you gotta do what's best for you.

- Yeah, gotta do what's best for me.

But sometimes, you meet a lady like that,

you always gotta think she might be the perfect romance.

- The perfect romance.

(laughing)

- [Chris] Let's get up out of here, man.

(upbeat rap music)

(women mumbling)

- Rhonda, you sure you're not Rhonda,

we can change your name?

- [Woman] Sorry.

- Rhonda?

Hey, how you doing?

- [Rhonda] I'm doing pretty good.

- I'm doing pretty good myself.

Your outfit, I see you, with your hair,

your colorful coat and everything like that.

- Oh yeah, this from Jamaica, I got this from there.

- [Brandon] Oh okay, you Jamaican?

- No, I just got it from one of my people there.

- [Brandon] Oh, okay, you made it together?

Well, you look good, you look good.

By the way, I'm Brandon Donovan.

- Oh, you Brandon?

- [Brandon] Yes.

- Oh, you just so fine, you just so, so fine.

And I just, something about the way,

you just so sexy and everything,

and I hear your voice on the radio

and it just turns me on, it turns me on so much.

- Oh, thank you very much,

you know, I appreciate it.

You know, I just work hard and work on the radio

and television, working with many artists, you know,

and just try to just, you know, do me as much as I can.

You know, that's what it all means.

So, I mean, what do you do?

- Well, I really don't do anything.

- [Brandon] Really, nothing at all?

- I don't do anything, I would like to do you.

- [Brandon] You would like to do me?

Wow... - Stop being on your phone,

like Tanisha and all the rest of them,

stop being on your phone, you're a fool.

- I didn't know they was so disruptive.

But anyway, about doing me,

let's talk about your sexy ass.

You know, I see you got your hair going on,

it kinda looks like the McDonald's arch.

- Excuse me, my hair does not look like no

McDonald's arch- - I'm sorry-

- My hair looks like the Staten Island Bridge,

for your information. - Oh, wow, hey, well,

that's great, that's great, that's great.

It looks like the Staten Island Bridge, that's great.

I've crossed it many of times,

I've crossed it many of times.

- Hello, get off of your phone, get off.

- I don't want no salad today, I ain't on a diet no more.

I don't want no salad!

- You need to be.

- [Brandon] They must be married for 25 years.

- I have no idea.

(banging on the counter)

- Anyway, you said you wanna do me,

let's talk about your sexy ass look

like a Bonneville Cadillac.

I'm sorry, wait a minute, I didn't mean to-

Damnit, damnit, damnit!

- I thought I told you to get your punk ass up.

- Fuck, she too damn stoned to

be punching somebody like that.

- Alright, alright, coming to the stage,

we got Michael Jackson!

- Thank you very much, thank you, thank you.

Before I get this song right here,

I just want to invite a little someone onstage,

how about you right there in that shirt.

(audience clapping)

Yes, yes, as you step on the stage.

Let's have you stand here and don't be shy.

Hit it.

- So, what y'all been up to, man?

- Man, you know me man, just trying to be faithful.

- Oh, now you're trying to be faithful, Mr. Player?

Is that what you're trying to do?

- Hey, when you find the one,

you find the one, right?

- Oh, so now you've found the one,

see, he found the one now.

- Yeah, right, the one.

- See, see, see, I remember,

see back in the day, when we was the mail clerks,

back in the day, this day right here used

to have two to five women back at his place

like it was nothing. - All the time.

- All the time. - Banging them

in the mail room. - All day,

and never got caught at it.

- Hey, you know what, man,

sometimes you just gotta grow up and get out of that.

You can't just be banging them all the time, forever.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on,

is this the Mr. Player that gets it in all day long,

got a date every night,

banging them girls like it ain't no nothing,

am I talking to this brother right here?

- Yep.

- That's him. - Come on man,

you got a girl waiting at your house right now,

come on, man. - Yep, same girl though.

- How long you been dating this girl?

- I've been seeing her for a little while now,

six or seven months. - Oh, okay, alright.

- That's a long time for me.

- Man, you should've saw the date I had last night.

- How was it, was it the Jamaican chick?

- Yeah, remember I told you about,

remember I told you?

- How'd that go?

- Let's just say she got a punch like Joe Frazier.

(laughing)

See this tooth?

Yeah, she loosened that for me.

- Got clocked by a Jamaican, huh?

- But here's the thing, here's the thing,

I realize by me telling the truth now,

that I didn't mean to say this now,

it's been really weird, I've been going

on dates saying this.

- What did you say?

- Listen, when she asked because she said,

I said yeah, let's talk about your sexy booty,

she was all yeah, then she did the tongue roll thing,

I was like, shit, I'm about to get it in tonight.

- She liked the booty? - Yes.

- Oh, okay. - But then when

I said man, your ass is like the back of

a Bonneville Cadillac bumper, got knocked out cold.

And guess who was there?

- Who? - Remember the trainer?

- Yeah, yeah. - Remember the trainer

we was working out with? - From Craiglist.

- The craigslist dude? - Know what he

looked at me and said? - What?

- Man, get your punk ass up.

- [Chris] I gotta use the bathroom.

- Next up coming to the stage...

- And how much is enough?

- What you mean, man?

- I mean, you're dating all these chicks,

messing around, putting your willy

in everything you can possibly find,

but how long until

you find that one? - Well, I mean basically,

I learn from you, I mean, come on, man.

We grew up in this business,

we've been friends for how long,

20, 22 years? - Yeah.

- Come on, man, we've been in this business,

I learn from you and how to get the lady,

how to satisfy the lady,

how to know what the lady wants and needs,

come on, man, you've been doing this for

nearly 20 years, I've been around you.

- Yeah, but man, it gets old, man.

It gets old. - Yeah, but I feel

like I'm the hottest, I feel like I can have

any girl I want at this point.

- I feel like that, too.

- [Brandon] But next week I'm going out on a date-

- [Jesus] Oh, with Chris, nice.

- Yeah, see, Chris got a date too.

- You got a date, huh?

- Yeah, her name is Ashley Rose.

- Ashley Rose. - We think her

and Adrianna are sisters.

- See, Ashley Rose is her sister,

her name is Ashley Rose Charles.

So basically, with that being said,

they might be sisters, so we going on a date-

- Double date.

- To see Michael Jackson do Billy Jean perform.

- Nice.

- Not Michael Jackson.

- Not like Michael Jackson.

- Man, so how y'all been doing man?

- I've been doing great, man, I can't complain at all.

- Well, I'm gonna tell you right now,

I've been fantastic. - Yeah?

- Met the one, and you know what,

I think I'm about to call it a night.

- Oh yeah? - I'd love to stay

around and hang out with your hard legs

but I'd rather go live with some soft ones.

- I feel you. - Okay, Jesus.

- Y'all have a nice night.

- Pray for us, Jesus. - It's Jesus, not Jesus.

(laughing)

- He just got the last time!

(audience clapping)

- [Chris] Hey man, do what you gotta do, man.

- [Brandon] Cheers, be careful, you too.

- [Woman] You know I got a meeting in the morning,

I don't know why you had me up so early.

- [Woman] It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

- We just got our drink, how is yours almost gone?

Didn't you just get out of AA? - Yeah, he picked me up.

- Hey, hey, what's happening, Ashley?

It's a pleasure seeing you again,

and who is this?

- Oh, this is my sister, Adrianna.

- Adrianna, pleasure to meet you.

- Pleasure's all mine. - Yes, Brandon Donovan

told me about you. - You know Brandon?

- Yeah, that's my partner, we work together.

- Oh, alright.

- Speaking of the devil.

- What's up Brandon? - Chris, how you doing

lovely ladies, how you doing?

Yeah, Michael Jackson is tonight, yeah.

What's up with your date, man?

- Hey, she's beautiful, Ashley.

- How you doing, Ashley?

(giggling)

You alright, she alright?

Chris, she's drunk.

- You know, I like drunk girls.

- It's okay, we about to get the party started!

- Billy Jean, Billy, Michael Jackson!

- See, here's the thing, when you love somebody,

you wouldn't be out here right now at the club, drinking.

You would be at home with him, snuggling,

watching a movie, caring for him, he's caring for you.

Hugging under the covers, making love like usual.

- Not everybody has that type of relationship.

We're a power couple. - See, see, that's not love.

See, if you had to make appearances,

everybody has to know that you're a power couple.

It's just you and that other person, it's intimate.

See, that could be me and you as a power couple.

I just don't wanna just be seen with you by everybody else,

I just wanna have a private moment with you.

When you scared of somebody and you really like them,

and you wanna say you love 'em,

and you follow that particular path,

they will love you too.

See, see, you know Brandon Donovan

but you don't know Brandon Donovan.

Brandon Donovan, yeah, he's a radio host, he's a star,

he's a marketing executive for this whole firm.

- He's a player. - No, no, no, no, no,

Brandon Donovan is also a caring, loving person

that can have a relationship with somebody

he has the other half for.

But he can have the other half,

he can definitely have you.

- So, mister I can't tell a lie,

what type of drawers do you have on right now?

- Silky drawers.

(sigh)

(low-tempo R&B music)

- It's too bad I have to go out

and see Michael Jackson tonight.

- He does a lot of kicks and spins,

I swear, I thought his shoe was gonna

come off and hit somebody in the face.

- Yes, I can't wait!

(laughing)

It's gonna be so exciting.

- Yeah, I'm sure you're gonna have a great time.

- [Woman] Excuse me, I didn't mean

to interrupt but it's been such a long time,

I haven't seen you in forever, how have you been?

- I'm good. - Let me give you

this beer. - Thank you.

- You're very welcome. - Thank you so much.

- Thank you, nice to see you here.

- Nice to see you.

She's just someone from my past, okay?

You have nothing to worry about.

- It's okay, I'm going to see Michael Jackson

with somebody else. - Well, can I see you

when you get done, we can do what we did the last time?

- Maybe... - Well, it looks

like it's time for you to go so you don't miss your show.

- I know, I should go. - Okay.

- How you doing, Adrianna?

- I'm well, how are you?

- I'm doing alright, you look lovely tonight.

- Thank you.

- So, what are you doing in a place like this?

- Well, I'm here with my fiance.

- Oh, your fiance, I don't see him around?

- He should be somewhere around here.

- Oh okay, well, he's uh, if he's not here

in the next 30 seconds, you're mine.

- Do you really think that you have it like that?

- Listen sweetheart, I'm Brandon Donovan.

I can have anything I please, especially you.

- Hey, hey, what's up. - Hey, baby.

- How you doing, beautiful? - Good.

- Look at you, mmm, what's up?

- Just hanging out. - Hanging out with...?

- Brandon Donovan, nice to meet you, sir.

- Lance. - Lance.

- Lance Johnson. - Lance Johnson,

nice to meet you. - Casual conversation?

- Yes, casual conversation. - Okay.

- Yeah, it's a regular casual conversation we're having,

we're just talking about the business in my office Monday.

- Really?

- Really.

When you get a chance, just give me a call.

I'll talk to you guys later, okay?

See you later, Lance.

- You have a good one, come back again, little fella.

- Ha. - What was that?

- A casual conversation. - A casual conversation.

- Yes. - I'm gonna tell you this

one time and one time only.

I lost you once, I'm not gonna lose you again.

You belong on my side, you know that.

That ass is looking ripe,

I can't wait to get you out of that tonight.

(mid-tempo R&B music)

- It's funny though, you gonna get that MVP.

- Hey, what's going on, man.

- What's going on, brother?

- How y'all been? - Chillin'.

- Man, Cecil, Cecil, Cecil, bro.

You know me man, Brandon Donovan, radio host,

marketing executive, I'm on the radio every weekend.

- You my dude.

- Man, listen, I'm falling in love, bro.

I'm falling in love, man.

- [Cecil] You falling in love?

- Yeah.

- [Cecil] Love is lost.

- Love is lost?

Only thing I'm about to lose is me, the man,

Brandon Donovan, but you know who the girl is, though?

Adrianna Charles. - Adrianna Charles?

On the billboard?

- On the billboards.

- [Cecil] Does she want you?

- I want her.

There's only one problem, she's got a ring.

She's engaged. - Who's her fiance?

- [Brandon] You won't believe what I'm about to say.

- Tell me. - Lance Johnson.

But my only thing is this, though.

Me, I can pull it from her.

- Brother, you can't fall in love with another man's woman,

first of all. - She does not want him.

I can tell she wants me, she wants me, man.

- [Cecil] You just told me, ring, engaged.

She took it. - Not for long.

- [Cecil] Leave her alone,

you gonna get yourself in trouble.

- Listen, man, listen, I'll tell you like this, okay?

How about this, I'll make a bet with you.

You got your new shop, matter of fact,

I'll even announce it, I'll even announce it.

Hey everybody, I am in love with Adrianna Charles.

I am in love with Adrianna Charles and I love her.

- Take your picture for the last time.

- Listen man, I'll tell you like this,

I'll make you a bet, I'll make you a bet.

I can pull any girl in here in your shop,

right now- - Whoa, listen here,

I'll bet anyone you can't get her number.

You get her number, then I got your back.

- Alright, that's what I'm talking about.

Watch, watch how it's schooled.

- [Cecil] I'm gonna root you on.

- Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt your

reading or anything like that,

but I just wanted to come over here

and just say that you are the most beautiful

woman I've ever seen up in this shop and, like I said,

I just wanted to talk to you just to get to know

you if I can, if that's okay with you.

Maybe take you out to dinner, go to a movie.

- Sure.

- Okay, Shaniqua?

Alright, I will definitely call you.

Is that okay with you? - That'd be fine.

- Alright.

(laughing)

- [Cecil] Hey, I commend you, I definitely commend you.

- Thank you, my brother, I appreciate that.

Hey, hey, like I said,

at the end of the day, Brandon Donovan?

Man, that was a great song by Chris Brown, Loyal,

man, that's a great song, wasn't it, man?

- Awe, yeah, you know them ain't loyal.

- Man, you already know.

- [Chris] I can't say that on the air but...

- Uh, no, we cannot, man, this is crazy.

Chris Brown is one of the few artists we have today

that's doing his thing and we've got news coming up next

right now, T.I., Tiny and Floyd Mayweather

in a brawl over who's who woman's is this,

what you think about that, Chris?

- That's that man's wife, man.

But when it comes to a boxer,

I will say don't put your hands towards

any boxer because they do that thing in the ring.

- I think personally, Mayweather, that has the hands,

and has been fighting for nearly 20 years,

will put the hands on you in the ring

and the street. - Yeah, I just say

check your wife, check your wife,

that's who you need to be checking on.

Not some other guy, not her friend.

- Exactly, if that's your friend,

don't worry about your friend,

the one that you've been with for a long time,

you need to ask questions, too.

- Exactly.

- Alright, folks, we gotta take a commercial break,

we'll be right back with more of the Brandon Donovan Show

and the inspiration moment,

before we go off the air,

coming up next in the song is Maxwell,

This Woman's Worth, right here,

stay here tuned on 1410 AM The Touch,

this is the Brandon Donovan Show.

- Good show, man.

What's wrong, man, you seem kinda,

you just kinda off today, man, you alright?

- I'm in love, man.

- [Chris] Love?

- Adrianna Charles, man, still.

After a couple of weeks, actually after a few months,

I haven't really been messing with any other women.

I mean, besides that, I mean,

I haven't been really doing anything else.

She's been on my mind more than anything.

I don't know what else to do, man.

- Maybe you're in love.

- Adrianna does it all for me, man.

It's like even just in conversation with her,

she's the one, she's the one.

But I don't know, man, I don't know.

- Oh, I forgot to tell you. - What's up?

- She's getting married tomorrow.

- She's getting married tomorrow?

- [Chris] Tomorrow, man.

- When were you gonna tell me this?

- I forgot, drunk girl told me but we was drinking

and we was drinking. - Awe, man.

- I'm sorry, man, but what you gonna do?

- Well, I'm gonna have to do what my grandfather did.

- What'd he do?

- Well, he burned down a church

but I ain't gonna do that.

But what I'm gonna do is,

I'm gonna bust in there, I'm gonna go in there,

I'm gonna tell Adrianna how I feel on her wedding day.

And I don't care what Lance Johnson thinks about that.

- You know I like fighting,

you want me to call the goons?

- Nah, no, no don't call the goons,

I mean, we in church, I mean,

Lance Johnson throws a punch,

we tap his ass back but no goons.

Can't shoot in a church.

I ain't going to hell.

- Well, Brandon, no matter what, bro,

I got your back so whatever it is,

if that's what you wanna do, I'm with you.

You're my guy. - Alright, man.

- [Chris] Alright.

- I'll tell you what though, we gotta get back on air.

And that was Maxwell with This Woman's Worth.

For the inspirational moment before we go off the air,

I just want to do a confessional moment, Chris,

and with that being said, I've never done this before.

- Okay, alright, what you gonna do?

- I think I'm gonna do a confessional moment

instead of an inspirational moment.

- A confessional moment, okay, alright,

well let me introduce you on this.

Ladies and gentlemen, for the Brandon Donovan Show,

I'm Chris Mansion, so everybody gather

around their radios, tell everybody,

it's the Brandon Donovan Confessional Moment.

Brandon, take us away.

- Folks, and the 60 million listeners

that are listening out here,

here on the Brandon Donovan Show,

I just want to let you know that the love

of my life is the prestigious woman that

you all truly know that either has defended

you in court or has sent you to jail.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am in love with Adrianna Charles.

Adrianna, if you're listening out there,

I know that you know-

- Hey. - Hey.

- I love only you, and I hope that you

hear me out here when I say this,

when I tell you that I love you, Adrianna-

- Man, what the fuck is this bullshit?

- But me... - I don't know.

(glass breaking)

- Man, this little mother fucker is drunk driving,

swerving onto my mother fucking lane.

- If you're listening,

call in or let me know what's going on with you.

I really would like to talk to you, thank you.

This has been The Brandon Donovan Show,

I'm Brandon Donovan.

- [Chris] I'm Chris Mansion.

- And I will see you next time right

here on 1410 AM The Touch, on The Brandon Donovan Show.

Thanks for listening, peace y'all.

(slow R&B music)

- Hey Brandon, you gotta get your game face on bro.

- Yeah, I'm ready to do this man, I'm ready.

- Okay, you go in there, you gotta have confidence.

You get up, the pastor says is there anyone

who has anything against this wedding,

that's when you go. - I got that

wrapped around my mind, man,

but I just don't know how to approach the situation.

- You gotta listen to me, man.

I've stopped four weddings in the last month.

- What do you mean you've done four of these?

- That's neither here nor there,

I can help you get the girl.

- I don't know how to approach the situation.

She's with Lance Johnson, man, Lance Johnson.

- Man, fuck Lance Johnson, okay?

This is about Brandon Donovan,

so you don't have to worry about Lance.

- It's not that at all that I'm worried about,

there's much more to Brandon Donovan now

than I ever thought there was, man,

it's just... - You gotta let her see that.

You get your girl, man.

What's ever stopped you before.

Damn, look at the church!

Don't be scared, stop this wedding, bro.

We gotta get right in there, man.

You ain't scared, is you?

- [Brandon] No.

- You ain't never scared, it's simple.

Now get in there and let's go do this.

I got your back.

(church bells)

- [Brandon] We gotta, we gotta stop the wedding!

- [Chris] We got to, man!

(heavy breathing)

(comical dramatic music)

- What's going on?!

- Where's the sanctuary? - It's right here.

- Come on, man.

- [Pastor] Lance Johnson and Adrianna Charles.

- [Woman] Oh look, it's Brandon, from the club!

- Sit down, boy, there's a wedding going on here.

Do you take Lance Johnson to be your lawful wedded husband?

- [Adrianna] I do.

- [Pastor] And Lance Johnson, do you take Adrianna Charles

to be your lawful wedded wife?

(coughing)

- Sorry, I, bronchitis.

- Now, before I be-wed these two,

is there anyone here who knows of any reason

these two should not be married,

speak now, or forever hold your peace.

(clearing throat)

- Yes, Pastor, I got something to say.

Adrianna, this man doesn't love you.

I'm the one that loves you, not Lance.

- Hold this for me.

- [Brandon] Marry me.

(yelling)

- Stop, no fighting, this is God's house!

Ain't nobody got time for that.

- Man, I'm tired of this little Duvall lookalike.

You gonna bust up in here, at my wedding?

- [Brandon] Yeah, Isaac Hayes.

- You lucky we in church or I'd show you

what Lance is all about, little fella.

Let's continue. - We will continue

like this- - if you continue

with this Adrianna, you're making a big mistake.

Don't make that mistake, Adrianna, please.

- [Lance] Back up, man, back up.

- Lance, stop, stop!

- Hold on, what you mean, stop?

I don't need this.

- [Brandon] Yeah, I don't think you do, Lance.

- You can have her, let me see that ring.

You can have this, I'll buy 10 more just like you,

and y'all know why.

- [Group] Because you're Lance Johnson.

- You're damn right, starting with you, come on.

- I'm the person for you, Adrianna,

I don't want nobody else but you.

Adrianna, sweetheart,

will you marry me, sweetheart?

- [Woman] Oh, my gosh!

- [Adrianna] Yes.

- [Pastor] Do I have to start this all over again?

- [Brandon] I think you may have to do that, Pastor.

- Adrianna Charles, do you take Brandon Donovan

to be your lawful wedded husband?

- I do. - Brandon Donovan,

do you take Adrianna Charles to be your lawful wedded wife,

to be loyal to and cherish for the rest of your life?

- I do.

- By the power invested in me,

I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may now kiss the bride.

(cheering)

(mid-tempo romantic R&B music)

(mid-tempo R&B music)

(knocking)

- Oh, hey boy!

- Wait a minute, hold on, you're not Chris!

- Oh, no, I'm not!

(screaming)

(door slamming)