Original subtitles

Here we go.

Previously on Some Assembly Required. They're making a Captain Indestructible

movie. They said I'm the perfect guy to play Captain Indestructible. Probably

because I am Captain Indestructible.

I can't remember how long we've been strapped in. It was the Viper Pit. Now

it's the Diaper Pit.

Viper, I love you.

I love you too.

Name's Barry Skorda, music manager. I was at the diaper pit earlier, not for

any weird reasons. I just can't sleep without one of these.

I want to sign you, get you a record deal, and make you a superstar.

I'm getting a record deal, and I get to spend the rest of my life with the guy I

love. Yep, the rest of your life.

Once you get back from your two-year world tour.

Though, let's be honest, you're not gonna remember this guy.

You want... for two years?

Are you serious?

Serious as a heart attack.

Of which I've had three.

But don't worry, I'm all good now.

They put a horse heart in there.

Does that work?

Aren't there any weird side effects?

Nope. Not a one.

You guys have any hay?

Does it have to be a two-year world tour?

Couldn't you shorten it by a year... or two?

I wish I could, kiddo. My brain says yes, but my heart says no.

Actually, it says...

You want Piper to leave for two years?

Sorry, I couldn't help eavesdropping with my super hearing.

Do you mind? Oh!

Not so loud, citizen.

Look, I know two years is a long time, but this is what you've got to do if you

want to be a superstar.

So what do you say?

Well... This is a big decision.

You should sleep on it.

Buckle up and hold on tight.

You and me on a wild ride.

We're gonna own it and change the game.

Together we'll make it all the way.

Through all the ups and all the downs.

We'll always find a way around.

So here we go.

Here we go.

It's beautiful up here.

Yeah, this is where I come to clear my head.

Or when I need to get away from Bowie.

Jarvis?

Jarvis! Whoo!

Whoo!

No one up here but that owl that sounds like Jarvis.

Jarvis!

Barry wants me to go on tour for two years.

Such a long time.

Tell me what I should do. Me?

You're asking me to decide?

Yeah, I can't figure this one out on my own.

How do I choose between the two things I've always dreamed of?

One of them is right here.

And the other is out there.

That old lady vacuuming her apartment naked with the drapes open?

I can't stand the thought of leaving you, but I don't know if I can miss this

opportunity.

What should I do, Jarvis?

Jarvis. Sorry.

I didn't sleep at all last night.

These stupid things don't work.

I slept like a baby. I wish I mean in a diaper.

I just couldn't stop thinking about what to tell Piper.

Just tell her you love her!

Well, we already did that. You were there.

Oh, yeah.

She's asking me whether she should stay here or go on tour.

Just when I thought things were finally going great, this comes along.

Stuff like this only happens to me.

That's not true.

I heard two owls talking about the same thing last night.

I don't know what to tell her.

Oh, I don't want her to go, but I feel like I can't ask her to stay.

It's only two years.

It'll go by in no time.

You'll close your eyes and next thing you know, she'll be back.

There. How long was that?

Four seconds.

That's it?

It felt like forever!

Maybe I need to tell her to stay.

We love each other and should be together.

Everything else will work itself out.

I can just imagine our future.

Hey, Geneva.

Have you booked my flight to Mars for the toy convention yet?

Geneva?

Geneva?

Well,

it's not working.

Exactly. It does everything I do.

Hey, Geneva.

Looking good, as always.

She doesn't have a face.

Oh, yeah.

Did she ever have one?

Anyway, Jarvis, get ready to be proud of me. Well, I haven't been in 30 years.

Why start now?

Because I've developed our most advanced version of Rainbow Bunny yet.

Wow, it looks so real.

That's because it is real. I genetically modified an actual bunny to poop

rainbows.

Wow, that's beautiful.

Although it still smells like poop.

Oh good, the rainbow fades quickly.

Yeah, but the poop smell lingers for days.

Did someone say save the day?

No.

Oh, sorry.

The super hearing is going.

Mox, what are you doing here?

I was nearby shooting Captain Indestructible 20.

Captain Indestructible does it again.

Again.

Guys!

30 years, but I'm finally tall enough to ride the hover coaster!

Darn it!

The future is horrible!

And the floors are so dirty.

At least Mrs. Bubkiss is here to sweep up.

Not for long.

Jarvis, how's Piper doing?

I haven't seen her in a while.

Oh, she's fine. You know, at home with the kids.

No, I'm not.

Because someone forgot his lunch.

Aww.

How are you two little boys doing?

She's a girl!

And she has a beautiful singing voice, which she gets from me.

Not that anyone ever hears mine, because you told me to stay here instead of

going off to become a star.

Now I sit at home, making your lunch, toiling over a hot stove.

Well, under a hot stove.

Why did we get a hover stove?

Well, I love all the things you do for me.

Oatmeal raisin?

I'm more of a snickerdoodle guy.

Oh, you don't have to make them right now.

Ow!

What a terrible future.

How so?

It's 30 years later and you still haven't fired me.

Plus, I finally managed to successfully genetically modify a bunny.

My attempts so far have been a little off the mark.

If I tell

Piper not to go on tour, she'll always resent me for not letting her follow her

dream. So let her go.

Wait, maybe.

This is such a hard decision.

Why did you put this on me?

I probably should tell her to go.

We're in love.

She'll come back to me and then we'll have a future together.

Jarvis, how's Piper doing?

I haven't seen her in a while.

Oh, she's on tour again.

At least that's what I read in this issue of Hits Magazine.

I haven't seen her in years.

Excuse me?

My hover limo was too big to turn this corner.

Would you mind if I had this building demolished?

It's Piper!

I love your outfit.

Me too.

Especially the socks.

Piper, it's so good to see you.

Whoa, I love my fans, but I don't let strangers touch me.

Strangers?

You don't remember any of us? No, of course I do.

You're Captain Indestructible.

I did the theme song for Captain Indestructible 4.

The trilogy continues.

How can you not remember me? We were a couple.

A couple of strangers who never met.

No, we dated.

For how long? One day.

my hover limo driver say he managed to turn that corner.

Gotta go.

Wow, my super hearing must be worse than I thought.

I didn't hear anything.

She didn't even remember me.

Hey, at least you have someone special to go home to.

Yeah, me.

By the way, Rumi, I made your favorite, oatmeal raisin cookies.

I'm more of a snickerdoodle guy.

That's all you have to say? And after I toiled under a hot stove all day?

That thing is really heavy.

Why won't you buy me a hover stove?

Ow! That future is terrible too.

Things are gonna turn out horribly whether I tell Piper to stay or go.

I would not want to be in your shoes.

Actually, I like those. I would like to be in your shoes.

Bowie, I could use some support.

Oh, the shoes don't have good support?

Forget it. I don't want them.

I don't know what to tell you.

Piper either leaves you or she doesn't. It's not like there's a third option.

Maybe there is.

Piper, I have the answer. I know what you should... Why do you have that

rolling pin?

For protection.

Have you seen Bowie's failed bunny experiments?

Stay away from me, you abomination!

Oh! I was worried you were gonna hit me with that thing.

Or worse, use it to make oatmeal raisin cookies.

I would never hit you! Or make oatmeal raisin cookies.

I know you're more of a snickerdoodle guy.

See? This is why I love you. And why we need to be together.

So you want me to stay?

No.

I want you to go.

But I thought you just said we needed to be together.

We are gonna be together.

Because I'm coming with you.

Really? But what'll you do on tour?

I'll show you.

So long, I waited to see the day my dreams would follow through. Then, just

like a puzzle piece you'd locked into me, I locked into you. Now, you're here

and nothing's missing.

New and a new beginning.

Perfectly fitting together.

Nothing better. We're stuck like glue.

Who'd have thought that? Who'd have thought that when you put your hands in

mine?

Who'd have thought that? Who'd have thought that the stars would align?

Yeah, you.

You're just what I need.

Make my heart complete.

Found you finally.

You're the missing piece.

You're just what I want.

Who knew all along we were meant to be. You're the missing piece.

We're like up and down, we're like east and west. We're like hot and cold, we're

like right and left. We're like opposites, and yet we attract.

We take difference, then we make a match. Yeah, you, you're just what I

need. Make my heart complete.

Found you finally.

You're the missing piece.

You, you're just what I want.

Who knew all along we were meant to be?

You're the missing piece.

That was incredible and so touching.

Gets me right here.

Horse hearts are very large.

Really? You liked it? Liked it? I loved it!

You two are amazing together.

I want you to go on tour too. Now let me put together the paperwork.

I'm gonna make you both superstars.

I can't believe it. I get to live both my dreams.

We belong together.

And a pro like Barry can see that.

Guys, you'll never believe what happened. I was going potty singing

Tinkle Tinkle Little Star.

Barry heard me and said he's going to make me a superstar.

He wants me to go on tour.

You're gonna go?

No, I already went.

That Tinkle song really works.

It must be some kind of mistake.

He can't just make anyone a superstar.

I'm gonna make you a superstar.

But you're gonna need a new song.

This one's a little repetitive.

You're signing me, Jarvis, Bowie, and Jim Boyne?

And that adorable bunny.

I'm gonna make you a superstar!

There's no way you're gonna make us all superstars.

Although that bunny will be starring in my nightmares for the next few months.

Okay. The truth is...

I know very little about music. I just sign everyone and hope I get lucky and

one of them hits it big.

I can't tell who's talented or not talented or wants to stab me in the eye

with a carrot.

Piper, what are you doing?

Having a funeral for my instruments.

Because my music career is dead.

No, it's not.

I'm such an idiot.

It was so stupid to believe Barry when he said I was talented.

But you are talented.

Crazy talented.

And not just that.

You're smart and funny and beautiful and kind. Of an idiot?

I agree.

Piper, come on.

You're amazing.

You're the most incredible person I've ever met.

Wow. I've never had someone try to cheer me up before.

It's nice.

It's not working, but it's nice.

This will happen for you, Piper.

Forget about Barry.

You just need to find a manager who sees how great you are.

Where? That person doesn't exist.

Yes, he does.

He's right here.

Whoa. I may be right here, but I'm not interested in managing anyone.

I just came to pay my respects.

Why? Why must you leave us so soon?

If there's gonna be food, there's usually food at these things.

All right, everyone.

Thanks for coming to this meeting.

Ew, this is a meeting?

I was just sitting here and thought everyone gathered around to look at me.

That's why I'm here.

Me too.

Me too.

Well, either way, I'm glad you're here because I have some big news.

I'm starting a new business.

A nude business?

Are you hiring because I already have the uniform?

A new business, not a nude business.

Oh, good.

Because I wouldn't feel comfortable not wearing socks.

I've decided to start a talent agency.

And the first person I'm gonna make a star is Piper.

Dude. She's already dating you. You don't have to try to impress her

anymore.

And Piper's just the beginning.

There's so many talented people out there.

Singers, dancers, acrobats, magicians.

He's actually just gonna represent kids.

They need someone who gets them.

Who better than a kid to help guide the career of another kid?

A seasoned industry professional with experienced connections and a high

school education?

So you're gonna run a talent agency and a toy company?

Actually, no.

It's been an amazing three years, but I've accomplished what I set out to do.

I wanted to make Knick Knack a great toy company again.

And I did.

We all did.

I got everything I wanted out of this place and more.

A lot more.

You're not going to run Knick Knack anymore?

Then who am I going to not work for?

I thought about you guys, but you've all got other things going on now. That's

true. I'm going to be a movie star.

And I'm gonna be vice president of a talent agency.

I was actually gonna tell you guys, I got a new job too.

I'm gonna be the red carpet host at the Pizazz Network.

I love the Pizazz Network!

I watch it all the time at work!

They're gonna pay me to go to award shows and insult people's outfits!

By the way, Piper, I hope you're nominated for a Grammy someday.

Just nominated?

Don't you want me to win?

Sure, but best male performer is a very tough category.

You're gonna be really good at your new job.

See?

It's time to move on.

It's time to hand the company over to someone else.

Someone I can trust.

Someone who I know will take good care of it.

Someone who's been part of our family since the very first day.

Mrs. Bubkus!

Me? Yup, it's a done deal.

I've signed full ownership over to you, Mrs. Bubkus.

Except... there is no Mrs.

Bubkus!

It's been me, Candace, all along!

I only created Mrs. Bubkus to fool you and steal the company back!

Why aren't you all gasping and saying things like, what?

And how could you? And we've been tricked by that evil mastermind!

Because we knew it was you.

You did?

Everyone?

Even Knox?

When did you figure it out?

About three years ago when Bowie said, everyone, this is Mrs. Bubkiss.

Why didn't you say something?

Because it was funnier not to.

And we needed someone to clean our toilets.

So this is another prank?

No, it's real.

Nick Mack is yours again.

Really? Yeah.

You've changed.

You really are part of the family now.

The Candice I took the company from isn't the Candice I'm giving it back to.

Thank you.

Okay, easy there.

Clearly you didn't build a sweat valve into that fat suit.

So all this is mine?

Yup, everything.

The building, the knick-knack name, Geneva.

I have a lifetime contract.

Are you gonna get that? No.

So is this really the end?

Only of our time at Knick Knack?

We're always gonna be in each other's lives.

I made the best friends anyone could ever hope for here.

Could you please wear pants?

No promises.

I really hope we're doing the right thing.

We are.

This is gonna work out.

I've never been more sure about anything.

Hold on tight You and me on a wild ride We're gonna own it and change the

game Together we'll make it all the way I knew one of the acts I saw would

eventually hit it big!

We'll always find a way around So here we go I'm gonna be you up there one day

Right now I'm happy being here with me