Original subtitles

Here we go.

Ah!

Sandwich, are you okay?

Help, help!

How can I help you? Do you need mustard?

Somebody save me!

That's Jarvis!

Sorry, Sandwich, I'll have to help you later. My best friend is in trouble!

Jarvis, are you all right? Do you need mustard?

I'm fine.

I'm rehearsing for a film.

They're making a Captain Indestructible movie, and I paid a bundle to get a walk

-on role.

Really? Yep.

The credits will say, Jarvis Reigns as scared little boy number one.

It cost a lot, but it's totally worth it. You've probably noticed that Captain

Indestructible is my favorite superhero.

I just thought you were really into shelves.

Imagine if they made a movie about shelves.

You imagine it.

I need to get back to this.

And remember, if you hear anything, I'm just rehearsing. Got it.

Help! Help! Help!

Somebody save me!

Jarvis, what's wrong?

Nothing, I just told you. I'm rehearsing for a movie.

Oh, right.

I forgot.

I thought something was really wrong.

Like the floor had collapsed and you were cowering in the corner trying not

to fall.

How would that even happen?

It's an old building. Who knows how long that sandwich I found in the corner had

been there.

Well, I'm just rehearsing my lines.

So no matter what you hear, just know that I'm fine and don't come in.

Got it.

He's fine.

Seriously, I need help!

He's just rehearsing. He doesn't actually need help.

Bowie, I'm not rehearsing anymore!

I actually need your help!

Oh my gosh!

There's a character in that movie named Bowie!

20% chance of brains.

So here we go!

Here we go!

Yeah, here we go!

You got me!

I got you!

Here we go!

I just learned something terrible!

Me too!

Really? What did you learn? That you learned something terrible and are gonna

talk to me about it!

They're closing the viper pit!

If there's a pit... of deadly snakes, they should close it. People could fall

in.

Geneva, the Viper Pit is a place punk bands perform.

How can you hear them over all the hissing?

There are no snakes.

I know, but punk music stinks.

So I'm assuming there's a lot of booing and hissing.

Punk music does not stink.

And every legendary band has played the Viper.

Violently Ill, Butterstomp, and the Butterstomp cover band. I can't believe

it's not Butterstomp.

I always dreamed one day I'd perform there too, but the owner of the club is

shutting it down and turning it into a retail space.

We've got to do something.

Before someone falls into the pit?

There is no actual pit!

Yeah, there is.

Hey Jarvis, do you have any mustard?

Ew!

Now it's raining Bowies.

My scene partner isn't a very generous actor.

That's because you need someone to react to. You can't rehearse with an inanimate

object. Trust me.

Never mind that one of us gives a very wooden performance.

It's me.

If you want to be any good, you need to rehearse with a person. When you're not

the main character, there's a real chance your lines could be cut from the

final edit. Isn't that right, Mrs. Bubkus?

Good point, Mrs. Bubkus.

But I don't have anyone to help me rehearse.

I thought you'd never ask!

I still haven't.

I've been waiting for an opportunity like this.

I've been wearing this for two years straight.

Only two?

I bought it used.

Bowie, I need a Captain Indestructible that's a little less... destructible.

But where will I find one?

This weather is crazy!

It's raining men!

Hallelujah!

Knox, are you okay?

Your parachute didn't open.

Oh, this isn't my parachute.

It's my backpack.

I use it to carry my parachute.

Protect the Viper! Protect the Viper! Excuse me, sir.

Do you know where I can find the Viper Pit, Geneva?

What are you doing here?

I'm here to protest.

It's our responsibility to speak up against greed and selfishness.

Geneva, that's great!

I'm so glad you're here to protest the Viper Pit closing!

I'm not. I'm here to protest you!

They're turning the Viper Pit into retail space.

And your greed and selfishness are getting in the way of a new shopping

experience.

We don't even know what kind of store it'll be.

Or won't be if I have anything to do with it.

Protect the Viper! Protect the Viper!

Reject the Piper!

Reject the Piper!

Okay, gotta go. The owner of the building's coming this way.

I think my plan is working.

Excuse me, sir? I just need two minutes of your...

It looks like my protest is working.

Reject the piper! Reject the piper!

It feels good to make a difference.

Okay, Knox.

In this scene, Captain Indestructible rescues my character from a burning

building. But we don't have a burning building.

Only burning questions, like... where are we gonna get a burning building?

I'm gonna start a small controlled fire to help us get into the scene.

After I say my line, you say your line.

Got it!

Ah! Help! Help!

Somebody save me!

Your line!

No, Knox.

When I say my line, you say the line that's written in the script.

Got it!

When I say my line, you say... No.

You read that line.

Got it.

Ah! Help! Help! Somebody save me!

Okay, let me just explain how this works again.

We're...

Captain Indestructible.

I'm Captain Indestructible?

I always knew he had a secret identity. I just never knew it was me.

Nox, we're just rehearsing. You're not really Captain Indestructible, I'm not

really a scared little boy, and I'm not really trapped in a burning building.

I'm also going to need a costume.

I don't know what happened.

Just one of those freak spontaneous fires, I guess.

Thank you guys so much for showing up.

You heard about the fire?

We had a fire?

I thought they came because some boink passed out.

What did I miss?

It seems I'm never around when anything exciting happens.

Yeah, great job, Captain Indestructible.

Shh, keep your voice down.

I don't want you to give away my secret identity.

Knox, you're not really Captain Indestructible.

Right?

No one knows who Captain Indestructible really is.

I'm mild-mannered Malcolm Knoxford III.

Eccentric billionaire.

How can you be both mild-mannered and eccentric?

Good point.

No one can be two things.

That creepy landlord thinks he can ignore my protest?

Well, let's see him ignore me now.

Creepy Piper thinks she can ignore my protest?

Well, let's see her ignore me now.

Geneva, get off of me!

Not a chance.

I can do this forever.

It's not like anyone is expecting me to show for work.

Oh, yeah? Well, so can I. If they want to tear this place down, they'll have to

go through me.

You kiss your move.

I got demolition crew coming in to gut this place. It's getting completely

remodeled.

Into a store, right?

You know it.

Yay, protest over!

Yeah? Well, how are you gonna gut this place with me chained to the door?

Okay, boys, start with the door.

That was a great rehearsal.

This walk-on role cost every penny I've made these last three years, but it's

totally gonna be worth it. Thanks, Knox.

Sure. I will thank Knox for you if I see him. But I probably won't. For some

reason, he and I are never in the same room together.

Hey, Piper. New outfit? It looks... adorable.

Come on, that joke wasn't that bad.

It was, but that's not why I'm upset.

The Viper Pit is closing.

Well, it's gonna be hard to close without its door.

Every great band in the last 40 years has performed there.

I always dreamed I would someday too, but now I'll never get the chance.

I'm sorry, Piper.

All that jerk landlord cares about is his money.

You think money could save the day?

Did someone say save the day?

This sounds like a job for Captain Indestructible.

Nice cape.

Excuse me, are you the owner of the building? How'd you get in here?

The door is missing.

Oh, right.

What do you want? I want to buy this place.

I'm willing to offer every penny I've made these last three years.

Wow. This is a lot of money.

For a kid.

But it's not nearly enough to buy this place.

Well, can I get a discount?

This place doesn't have a door.

Sorry, bud. The Viper Pit's on its way to becoming a baby store.

Which is a place that sells baby supplies, not babies.

Don't feel stupid. I made the same mistake.

There's someone really special to me who's always wanted to perform here.

How much would it cost to leave the stage up for one more day so she can

live out her dream?

Exactly this much.

Unless you have more.

I don't.

Then... Exactly this much.

What's this big surprise?

Where are you taking me? You'll see soon enough. We're almost there.

Big step, dead possum.

Whoa, he wasn't dead. He was just playing possum.

Are you sure this is safe?

Totally safe.

Come on, it's right through here.

Why don't we take off the blindfold and you can see for yourself?

Wow! A curtain!

Good surprise.

The Viper Pit?

What are we doing here?

You're about to perform.

For all those people out there.

You're kidding!

I don't kid about stuff like this.

I mostly make hilarious door puns.

And gentlemen, many amazing singers have performed on this stage.

Please welcome someone else who belongs on that list.

The one, the only, Piper Gray!

I can't remember how long we've been strapped in.

Scared to go beyond the rules and walls we're battling.

Can't we just step out of these cages we're trapped in? It's you and I. What

happened? This isn't the Viper Pit. I can tell because it's missing the dark

ambience and smell of vomit.

Well, it's still missing the dark ambience.

It was the Viper Pit.

Now it's the Diaper Pit.

You said you'd keep this place open one more day.

No. I said I'd keep the stage up one more day.

And I did.

But Piper was supposed to perform at the Viper Pit, not the Diaper Pit.

All our friends are here. They came to see Piper sing, not to buy baby stuff.

Does this come in a small?

This place has the best toys.

Excuse me, where do you keep your big boy diapers?

I keep up my life savings and a chance to be in the Captain Indestructible

movie so Piper could live out her dream.

Ah, don't be such a crybaby.

Same goes for you.

I'm sorry, Piper.

I brought you all the way here just to disappoint you.

The Piper pit's gone for good.

Now you'll never have the one thing you want more than anything.

Yes, I will.

I hope I read that situation right.

Uh-huh.

I can't believe you gave up the Captain Indestructible movie.

I know how important that was to you.

Not more important to me than you are.

Piper... I love you.

I love you, too.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage.

Which are currently 20% off!

Ew, that's disgusting!

Polly, you've been trying to get us together for months.

Yeah, but I didn't know there'd be kissing.

This has been my real dream.

I don't care that I didn't get to perform at the Viper Pit.

Yeah, this is way better than getting to be in the Captain Indestructible movie.

You guys will never guess what happened.

Viper and I finally got together.

Oh, so you heard.

You guys will never guess what else happened.

I posted the video of our Captain Indestructible rehearsal online.

The studio saw it and said, we need that guy in our movie.

Really? They want me to be in the movie?

See? This is good karma for what you did for me.

Not you.

Me.

Makes sense. I don't believe in good karma.

They want you to be in the movie? Yeah.

They said I'm the perfect guy to play Captain Indestructible.

Probably because I am Captain Indestructible.

Oh, no.

I revealed my true identity.

Now I have to wipe your memories.

Did it work?

Did what work?

Who are you?

Phew.

That was a close one.

Wow. Good for Knox.

I can't believe he's going to be an action star.

It's crazy.

No one ever gets plucked out of obscurity like that.

Piper Gray, I'm going to make you a star.

Excuse me? Who are you?

Let me give you the skinny.

Name's Barry Skorda, music manager.

I was at the diaper pit earlier, not for any weird reasons. I just can't sleep

without one of these.

Anyway,

I happen to see you rocking out.

I've got two words for you. I loved it.

That's three words.

I keep the I.

That's my 10%. What are you talking about?

I want to sign you, get you a record deal, and make you a superstar!

Oh, my gosh!

Really? Yes, my gosh, really!

This is the best day ever!

I'm getting a record deal, and I get to spend the rest of my life with the guy I

love. Yep, the rest of your life.

Once you get back from your two-year world tour.

So, uh...

Let's be honest, you're not gonna remember this guy.

Of course you won't. I wiped her memory.

Come on down to the grand opening sale of the Diaper Pit, where we've got

things for babies of all ages.

Toys.

Clothes.

And of course, diapers.

I'm P. Everett Knickknack. The P stands for?