Original subtitles

Okay, kids!

Who's excited to be a part of a live studio audience for a hit TV show?

Me! Me! I'm excited!

We got a tasty show for you tonight, so please get up on your feet, put your

hands together for celebrity chef Claude Brulee!

Merci, merci, and welcome to Claude's kitchen.

I'm Claude Brulé, and this is my kitchen.

I hope for his sake he doesn't have as many cameras in his bathroom.

Today, I shall craft a delectable dish known in Francais as...

Or as you say in English, grilled cheese.

See, they record the crowd laughing. They don't just use fake laughs.

Really? I always thought TV shows used canned laughter.

I guess I brought this for nothing.

Monsieur, is that canned laughter in my kitchen?

What answer will make you put down that knife?

I do not allow... gant goods in my kitchen.

Everything here is made from scratch, using only the freshest ingredients,

including... the laughter.

Buckle up.

and hold on tight you and me on a wild ride we're gonna own it and change

the game together we'll make it all the way through all the ups and all the down

sounds we'll always find a way around so here we go here

we go yeah here we go

Mmm! Magnifique!

Compliments to the chef!

Oh, that's me!

Join me next week when I shall make...

Oh,

as you say in English, corn dogs.

Come on, let's go meet Claude. We can do that!

Yeah? When you're part of a live studio audience, you often get to meet the

stars afterward.

And tickets are free.

All the information's online.

You just have to like the show on social media.

Chef Claude, my name's Jarvis and I, uh... Would like me to autograph your T

-shirt? But of course!

Thanks, but we weren't gonna ask you to sign our shirts. We were gonna ask you

to sign our chests!

Uh... I am out devising.

Claude? My name is Jarvis Rains, and I run Knick Knack Toys.

I wanted to see if you'd like to collaborate with us on a Claude Brulee

toy kitchen.

Hmm, interesting.

Really? You're interested in working with us? Sure, but I meant this dorsal

is interesting.

You're so misshapen and devoid of muscle.

Don't you get tired of guys whistling at you all the time? This time it's a

chick.

And I think it's whistling at you.

This little baby bird must have fallen out of its nest.

Oh well, survival of the fittest.

Imprinted? How do you know so much about birds?

A little bird told me.

Actually, it was a big bird. I watch a lot of Sesame Street.

Anyway, you need to raise this bird. If you don't, it'll have no one and die.

It don't die from having no one.

Piper's still alive.

Hester! It thinks you're its mother!

That's crazy!

Why would it think I'm its mother? Do I look like a bird?

This toy is magnifique.

A near perfect replica of my kitchen.

It has everything but the kitchen sink.

Oh, sorry, we haven't quite finished it yet.

There.

This is going great.

I thought claw would be difficult and fussy, but he loves everything.

So beautiful.

That is the most gorgeous girl I have ever seen.

Geneva's here?

Oh, you mean me.

You're right, he does love everything.

Even Piper.

What? Je m'appelle Claude.

I'm-a-pell Piper.

Ah, pepper.

Like my favorite seasoning.

Dark and enticing.

And just a little bit spicy.

No, it's not.

Yes, it is snot.

Come, Pepe. I must make you a meal.

Something as delicious as you.

You can't make a real meal with this.

He's right. This is just a toy.

You'd be surprised what these hands can do.

Oh, yeah? Well, you'd be surprised what these hands can do.

Et voilà!

Droit de poulet voluptueuse trempée dans une délicieuse pâte à frire, doucement

dorée en croustillance merveilleuse.

Or as they say in English, chicken fingers.

Or as they say in chicken... Oh, my fingers!

Mm, this is delicious.

Oh, can't be that good.

Oh... I mean...

These chicken fingers taste different than any I've had before.

What's in them? Fingers.

Of a chicken.

Remind me not to try your pea soup.

Okay, I must be going.

I will see you later, Pepper.

What did he mean he's gonna see you later, Pepper?

Oh, Claude said he'd make me dinner. And happy for the rest of my life.

Haven't you seen enough of Claude today?

Besides, his food isn't that great.

He just talks a good talk.

Yeah, I love his accent too.

And I'm glad we get to make a toy with him. He'll be around a lot.

Yeah, about that... I've decided to pass on the Claude's Kitchen toy.

Why? It's a great opportunity to have his name...

And face on one of our products.

Come on, anyone can cook.

It's not a real skill.

Excusez-moi!

Claude, you're back!

Yay!

I forgot this.

I plan on enjoying pepper later.

But how dare you insult me?

I have skill.

I also have skillet!

Guys, stop!

I'm sure there's a better way to resolve this.

There is.

I challenge you to a duel.

Ow!

Okay, truth be told, I have two skillets.

How's the little guy doing?

Fine, but I'm of average height.

I meant the baby bird.

Oh, he's doing well.

I made him a designer nest.

But he won't stop chirping at me.

He's probably hungry.

You're his mommy. You have to feed him.

Fine.

You can share my lunch. That French guy made me pea soup.

Baby birds don't eat soup.

They eat worms.

Well, I don't have any.

Master, if he doesn't eat, he'll die.

You can't let your baby die.

Fine.

I guess, like me, something made him lose his appetite.

I think it may have been this soup.

But baby birds can't eat whole worms.

The mommy needs to chew them up and let her baby eat the chunks out of her

mouth. What?

There's no way I'm...

He

likes it.

That makes fun of us.

We shall have a cooking duel.

We will each prepare a special dish in our own kitchen.

Then the winner will be chosen by this enticing beauty.

Fine. If it's a duel you want, it's a duel you'll get.

For the dish, I propose...

I

assume in

English we call that sloppy joes?

Not quite.

In English, it is called...

All roasted suckling pig flame grilled on a bed of braised root vegetables

served in a bechamel sauce reduction and garnished with hand-picked provincial

herbs.

But since cooking is not a reef skill, anyone should be able to prepare it, n

'est-ce pas?

Easy as pie.

That's nearly impossible since I also have no idea how to make pie!

Can we release this bird now?

No! You need to teach him how to sing.

That way when we eventually do release him, he can find a mate.

Teach him how to sing?

That I can do.

That kind of singing.

I mean whistling.

Oh, okay.

Ow!

Sorry.

Reflexes.

Hi, is this the peace dance for pizza?

I'd like to place an order for delivery.

I'll take a large pepperoni and an order of garlic bread.

Oh, and...

You're

out of...

If I lose this cooking duel, we'll have to make that toy kitchen.

Then Claw will be around all the time trying to steal Piper.

What am I gonna do?

I don't know how to cook. So you'll learn.

Okay, you're right.

What's in the recipe? I have no idea.

The recipe for... is

a closely guarded secret that's been passed on orally for

hundreds of years amongst an exclusive brotherhood of chefs.

Then why are you reading that cookbook?

I'm not. This isn't a cookbook. It's a kookbook.

And I'm in it!

Bonjour, Jarvis.

The two of us just went out together.

I gave her my jacket because she was a chili pepper.

What did you guys do?

Something really French?

Like go to a cafe and discuss the Eiffel Tower while watching a mime try to

escape from an invisible box?

We didn't do that, but we did something French.

We learned to play the French horn.

I assume by now you realize that the only way you can learn how to make...

is

for you to watch

me make it.

It's not true.

I don't need to watch you make it.

Because I can watch you make it.

OK, Bowie, do you understand the plan?

Yep, we're totally in sync.

Well, I'm in sync. I don't know where you are.

OK, just tell me exactly what Claude does so I can copy it here on my end.

Got it.

He's putting a pot on the stove.

Now he's picking a veggie. He's picking a wedgie?

Oh, perfect.

Oh, no, he's coming this way.

What kind of vegetables?

Potatoes.

Carrots.

Ow!

Eggplant. Huh.

The garbage disposal is making a strange sound.

Pauline, what's wrong with your voice? Do you need some water?

No, I'm good.

OK, what do I do next?

I don't know, something's blocking the sink.

Then find another way to watch them. Good idea.

you've taught your baby to eat and sing.

And how to look good in a scarf.

Now you just need to teach him how to fly.

Simple enough.

Not like that!

You need to show him it's safe by doing it yourself.

Just because I look fly doesn't mean I can fly.

I know.

You can use Knox's wingsuit. He uses it to glide off mountains.

when he needs to dress up for formal events.

Are you sure I'm gonna be able to fly?

Yes, you're wearing Knox's wingsuit.

My mistake.

That must be something from his fall collection.

A tiny baby bird has fallen out of its nest.

It looks injured and hungry and probably needs someone to nurse it back to

health.

Oh well, survival of the fittest.

I understand you both have finished preparing your roti de blah blah

fliggity something something.

May we?

Yes, may we get this over with.

I've done myself.

Prepare yourself for a little taste of paradise.

Paradise is the name of the pig I roasted.

Yeah, well, I've outdone myself and his self.

My dish will leave you wanting more.

but it did leave me.

Okay, now let's see whose tastes better.

Okay, now let's try what's left of Jarvis'.

One of these dishes is clearly better than the other.

It's obvious who's the better chef.

Chef Jarvis!

What? You have no taste, Pepper.

And you can forget about me endorsing your silly toy.

I've never been so insulted in my life. And I spent most of my life in France!

Wow. I can't believe I made something so delicious.

This is disgusting!

Yeah, and not just because the pig pooped in it.

I've been holding that in for way too long.

So, I don't get it.

Claude's dish is so much better.

Why did you pick mine?

Well, to be honest, I didn't pick the winner based on the food.

It had more to do with how I... feel about a certain guy.

Really?

Really.

Sorry,

I accidentally opened this can of... I'll go

now.

You were saying something about how you feel about a certain guy?

Yeah.

He's so full of himself.

I couldn't stand the idea of him being around, so I lied and said your rotten

heap of maggot swole was better.

Oh, right, yeah.

I can tell it's what you meant.

Look! It thinks you're its mother!

You've gotta teach it to fly!

And the P stands for pizza. We use only the freshest ingredients.

As long as they start with P.

Parmesan cheese.

Pepperoni.

Pickles.

Pretzels.

Pumpkin.

Even pizza.

I'm P Everett Knickknack. The P stands for... The P stands for pizza.

Hey, put me down!