Original subtitles

Here we go.

Really? I'm the 107th caller?

I went from proceeds to arcade fire?

Yes, my name is... What are you doing?

Getting rid of all the phones.

Don't forget this one.

Why are you getting rid of all the phones?

Because Tina Torelli is coming.

She's a huge star with a lot of demands.

I've never heard of her. She's my favorite Broadway star. And the voice

and likeness of Princess Frostbite in Friesen.

Oh, that animated movie?

I was gonna go see it till I read the reviews.

They called it inspirational and uplifting.

So I went to see Skull Soup 2. Who wants seconds instead?

Well, you are missing out.

Freezin' is the timeless love story of a princess who falls in love with her

snowman and freezes the kingdom in eternal winter so he'll never melt and

they can be together forever!

Well, Skull Soup 2 is the timeless story of soup made out of a human head.

Tina's coming because we're doing a whole lot of Freezin' toys.

And her people sent us a big list of her demands.

She hates the sound of ringing phones.

The air needs to smell like perfume.

And she needs a new pair of designer shoes to change into after every ten

steps.

Eight, nine, ten.

One, two... You know what? I like these shoes. I'm keeping them.

I can't believe these demands.

Install light up vanity mirrors in every bathroom.

Fill water coolers with pomegranate-infused agave nectar?

Make sure Bowie doesn't touch me?

How does she know who I am?

Oh, those are my demands.

Here's Tina's list.

Hello, I'm here.

You're here? You're here? I need to take a picture. Where's my phone?

Buckle up and hold on tight.

You and me on a wild ride.

We're gonna own it and change the game.

Together we'll make it all the way.

Through all the ups and all the downs.

We'll always find a way around.

So here we go.

working so closely together, we're actually a couple.

Yes! Piper finally got together with Jarvis!

That's not Jarvis.

Jarvis has way hairier legs.

And two of them. And isn't a lamp.

You're dating a lamp?

I wouldn't say we're dating.

But why do people feel the need to label everything?

Like, they're dating or caution fire hazard, do not place lamp near drapes.

Fine, I won't use labels like weird, crazy, bonkers, loopy, off your rocker

or... I've given up on human relationships.

Jarvis isn't interested in me and I've tried going out with other guys, but

they've all been disasters.

Clicky and I just click.

He's bright and he really lights up a room.

But Jarvis is interested in you. Just go up to him and say, I love you. I

guarantee he'll say it back.

Nice try, Bowie. There's no way I'm gonna say that to Jarvis unless he says

it first, which he won't because you're making it up. Besides, I'm already in a

relationship and things between us are pretty hot.

I can see that.

I can't believe you're here.

Freezin' is my all-time favorite movie. I've seen it 137 times. I even once

bought an airline ticket just because they were showing it on the plane.

I'm flattered and a little creeped out.

Well, you're about to be more of both.

I wrote a Broadway musical based on Freezin' complete with 17 new original

songs.

Tina, are you ready to... File a restraining order? Yes.

Work on our exciting line of freezing toys.

Like the microphony.

It makes anyone who uses it sound just like you.

Let it melt!

Let it melt!

Wow, it works! I sound just like me!

Actually, we haven't programmed it with your voice yet.

Let it...

I think you have.

In order for the microphony to mimic your voice, we have to record you saying

a phrase that contains every letter sound in the English language.

The five boxing wizards jump quickly.

That's all I have to say?

Great, I can be out of here in time to get my legs waxed.

Whoa.

My voice, her words.

I don't wax my legs.

See?

Hairy.

Phew, that was nearly embarrassing.

What are you doing?

Trying to get Piper to notice me. I don't want to throw shade at her new

boyfriend, but he's kind of a burnout.

The lamp? That's not serious. That relationship is on again, off again.

Piper wants you. Just go up to her and say, I love you. I guarantee she'll say

it back.

Nice try, Bowie. There's no way I'm saying that unless Piper says it first,

which she won't, because you're just pulling my chain.

No, I'm not.

Okay, I am, but not about this Piper thing.

What am I gonna do?

Neither one of them is gonna say I love you unless they hear it from the other

one first.

Aster, I would love to star in your magnificent play.

See? That's what it would sound like if you said that.

Aster, you sound like a woman.

Usually you sound like a little girl.

I'm using the microphony.

It's programmed with Tina's voice, so anyone can sound like her.

Wait, can this thing mimic anyone's voice?

Like Jarvis's?

Or Piper's?

Sure, if you program it by having him read this phrase.

Really? All I have to do is get Piper to say, the five boxing wizards jump

quickly?

Yep, that's all you have to do.

Well, there's an easy way to get her to say it.

Ask her to read it off that index card?

Exactly.

Well, not exactly.

You want me to announce a boxing match between you and five wizards?

Exactly.

In this corner, wearing... less than I'd hoped, with a record of zero

wins in the ring and in life, Bowie, that's not a six pack, it's his fine

Sherman!

And in this corner, wearing...

and stars, five wizards.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's get this over with.

Announce what's happening.

OK. Bowie sizes up the wizards. The wizards circle Bowie and pipe.

I mean, announce what kind of five wizards these are.

Well, that one's a sorcerer, that one's a mage, and I think the little one's a

necromancer? I mean in a more general sense.

They're five boxing wizards?

Perfect, keep going.

I didn't mean you.

Less jabbing, more jumping.

Okay, Piper, say it. What are the five boxing wizards doing?

Drew, but what else are they doing? Jumping quickly?

Good, now put it all together into one sentence!

Got it! The five boxing wizards jump... And that's the end of round one!

Would you please reconsider?

I just know if you read my play, you'll want to do it.

So, what do you say?

Shall I take your silence as a yes?

Shall I take this silence as a yes to the last question about taking your

silence as a yes?

It's not that she doesn't want to talk to you.

Actually, it probably is that.

Either way, she can't talk to you.

She has to stay perfectly still while we do a 3D scan of her face for the

Princess Frostbite doll.

So, no matter what anyone does or says, Tina can't move?

How long will she be like this?

Nine hours.

Nine hours?

That's the exact length of my play!

You're telling me.

Hey, no invisibility spells.

Down goes Bowie! Down goes Bowie!

And to celebrate, the five boxing wizards jump quickly.

Yes! We can stop the fight!

You finally said the five boxing wizards jump quickly.

Creation is so beautiful. So perfect.

It just needs one thing

What do you say, Switchy?

How about we go out to dinner sometime?

Grab a light meal?

Hello? Oh, hey, Jarvis. It is Piper.

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, you know, just being a girl, doing the things that girls do.

Oh, like avoiding Bowie.

Why would I avoid Bowie?

Because you think he's annoying.

You always say it.

Then I half-heartedly defend him, ultimately conceding that you're right.

He is annoying.

I'm not calling about Bowie!

The reason I'm calling is because... Jarvis, I love you.

Really?

I love you too!

No! You need to tell me in person!

What? Why?

Because... that's the type of thing you tell someone in person.

Come do it now.

I think I'm at my office.

So you can tell me over the phone, but I tell you in person?

I've been trying to figure out how to tell you I love you for months, and when

I do, the first thing you do is get mad at me?

Just stop.

We're not fighting now.

We're not?

Sure feels like we are.

Goodbye, Piper.

Hi, Jarvis. Hi!

There. I said hi in person.

I hope you're happy.

Who knows?

Men can be so irrational.

Sometimes they get angry and you have no idea why.

The best thing to do is to just apologize.

But I didn't do anything wrong.

I know that.

You know that.

But men, am I right?

I'm not saying sorry unless he says it first.

You have to hear it from him first?

In his voice?

And the nearly half-dozen sorcerers bounce rapidly.

Come on!

There you are, my love!

Springtime!

It will be winter forever!

Hopefully no one will mind.

I am a burly Norwegian beach ball salesman.

This eternal winter is really putting a damper on sales.

Excuse me, miss.

Do you want to buy a beach ball?

I'll throw in the air for free.

I never see the sun these days. How I need some grace.

I'm going to get scurvy.

We used to get sweet tan, and now we're pale.

I wish she would melt the ice.

Do you want to buy a beach ball?

I'll deliver it by sled.

I don't want to buy a beach ball.

I really don't understand why you're mad at me.

Maybe I'm just dim.

No offense.

I can't deal with this right now. I'm still busy being mad at Jarvis.

Hello? Hey Piper, it is Jarvis.

Yeah, I can tell.

I think those wizards are still around.

Actually, I'm sure of it.

That's not why I called.

I called to say I'm sorry.

I acted like a jerk.

You didn't deserve it.

Thanks for saying that, Jarvis.

And I'm sorry for whatever I did that made you act like a jerk.

I'm so glad that's behind us.

Because, and the only reason I'm not telling you this in person is it's not

an easy thing to say, but...

I love you.

Wow, Jarvis.

I can't believe those words just came out of your mouth.

Well, they did.

Because it's true.

I love you, Piper.

I love you, too.

Sorry, Clicky, but I'm pulling the plug on this relationship.

I'm so happy we're still together, but everyone else in the kingdom is angry

with me.

My heartbeat skips for the snowman tonight No way I can let him go The

kingdom is totally freezing And I'm the reason I know The beach

ball man is angry He keeps blowing up at me But for true

love must ignore their plea Let it melt, let it

melt

Can't give him back the summer.

Let him melt, let him melt.

Losing my snowman would be a bummer. How can I do what

they say?

Look at those eyes.

Cole never flattered him anyway.

There's got to be a way we can have our summer and you can still have your

snowman.

Maybe there is.

Son of a beach bowl!

Is it really summer?

Does this answer your question?

Yes.

But it brings up a bunch of new ones.

Your silence has a yes.

Whee!

I can't believe Jarvis said he loved me.

All right, we finally got Jarvis' voice.

Did you really have to hit me so hard?

Bowie?

No, it is me, Jarvis.

I actually thought it was Jarvis.

Jarvis called you? What did he say?

Just give it up, Bowie. I swear it wasn't me.

Back me up, guys.

Cowards!

I can't believe you used this to change your voice.

I didn't.

Well, okay, I did use it on the phone with Jarvis faking your voice. You did

what?

You mean when I thought I was on the phone with Piper, I was really talking

to you?

Yeah.

So, I guess everything we said to each other today, we really said to Bowie.

Yeah, I guess so.

Did she say anything... important?

No, not really.

Me neither.

So, I'm sorry I was mad at you earlier.

Bowie's the one I'm mad at.

Me too.

And I know what we can do about it.

How long is this gonna go on for?

Geneva, have you seen Tina around?

They finished scanning her face, so she left.

She had to go to Hollywood to film a sequel.

They're making Freezin' 2?

No, Skull Soup 3.

But she never told me what she thought of my play.

I tried to gauge her reaction during the performance, but you know these actors,

they're impossible to read.

By the way...

Those Princess Frostbite dolls we made from Tina's facial scan are ready if you

want one.

Impossible to read.

I was nervous to try a matchmaking service at first, but they found me

someone who really brought a little light into my life.

It's hard to think of things to do to keep a relationship fresh.

But she always has an idea.

She just had another one!

Anna, get off again.

There's someone out there for everyone, no matter what kind of light you're

into. They even found a match for me.

Ow!

Hot. I'm P. Everett Knickknack. The P stands for... Pocker Up!

Let it melt.

Let it melt.

Can't give them back the summer. Let it melt, let it melt.

Losing my snowman would be a bummer. How can I do

what they say?

Look at those eyes.

Cole never flattered them anyway.