All language subtitles for Some Assembly Required s03e06 Joy Buzzer

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Original subtitles

Scooby-Doo.

Empty box.

It's a shipment of 3,000 of Nick-Nack's newest doll.

Her name is Joy.

Ow!

Last name Buzzer.

Joy Buzzer is the latest in Knick Knack's joke and prank toy line, which

includes the electric shock-a-lit bar, the electric can opener, and this stun

gun.

It's not working!

Yes, it is. It's a prank stun gun. You expect it to shock someone and it

doesn't hurt them at all!

Anyway, this box arrived by helicopter and I need to get it down to the

warehouse.

Maybe it would be easier to push the elevator over here.

You're in my way.

This isn't gonna fit in the elevator.

You need to think outside the box.

No kidding.

I tried thinking inside the box, but it was hard to concentrate with all the

painful electric shocks.

I mean something like this.

There. A lot easier than carrying a 200-pound box down seven flights of

stairs. You still have to get it off this thing.

Whoa!

Wow, I'm way stronger down here.

The increased gravitational pull closer to the Earth's surface must have given

me superhuman strength.

Look, I started my own banana!

The box is empty!

There's a hole in it! Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have had it shipped in a knick

-knack prank box.

The coaster goes through every floor of this place!

The Joy Wizard dolls must be scattered all over the building!

So we'll just pick them up.

Ow!

This is actually the least violent response I've ever gotten trying to pick

up a girl.

and hold on tight you and me on a wild ride we're gonna own it and change

the game together we'll make it all the way through all the ups and all the

downs downs we'll always find a way around so here we go here

we go

You guys are doing a great job.

Why aren't you helping pick these up?

Yeah, it's so much fun.

Ooh.

I would, but I have an important project to do. You know the knickknack character

from the commercials?

Well, we're gonna feature him in a funny little web cartoon for kids.

You're making a cartoon while we do this?

Yeah, if anyone should make a cartoon, it's me.

I have a great voice for cartoons.

I can do...

Heroic superhero mouse.

Or an evil demon here to eat your souls.

Wow, you do a great cartoon piper.

I will make you suffer for that.

But I'm the actual voice of Cartoon Nick-Nack.

I'm P. Everett Nick-Nack. The P stands for choose me.

What about me? I practically am a cartoon.

Well, you do have a cartoony face.

I meant that I'm funny and entertaining.

I'm more cartoon than he is. I'm the only one who can drop an anvil on his

head and live.

I think.

Fine. I'll help pick up the Joy Buzzers and Piper can make the cartoon.

Really? Piper?

But she's not cartoony at all!

Why would you pick her?

I have my reasons.

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Why are you getting shocked?

Because I'm wearing a pair of rubber gloves I found in Mrs. Bubkiss' shed.

Take that cartoon, sit down and watch it. Okay.

Are you okay?

Your butt is fine.

My butt.

My butt is fine.

Okay.

I'm really happy with how the cartoon turned out. I think the kids are really

gonna like it.

So, what'd you think?

Jarvis, did you like it?

Oh, yeah.

I loved it. I love everything about... it.

Really? Thank you. That's so sweet.

Don't worry, I got this.

Clear!

Geneva,

what are you doing?

I thought you were helping pick up the Joy Buzzers.

I am.

You know how they say fight fire with fire?

Well, I figured if fire can fight fire, imagine what it can do to a doll.

I have to imagine.

Kiva!

Wow!

They should stay by fire with water.

Hey, Jervis, I just checked the Nick Nick website and noticed my cartoon's

not online.

Why didn't you upload it? I thought you said you loved everything about... it.

I do love everything about... it.

That's why I didn't upload it.

I've been so busy watching it over and over again that I haven't had a chance.

Oh well, what are you gonna do?

Upload it?

Right. I will do that.

Great.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Is it that obvious?

That your pants are on fire?

Yes.

Jarvis, can I talk to you? No, I'm busy.

Okay, I'll whisper to you instead.

Can you hear me?

I'll get closer to your ear.

You know what? I can make time. We can just talk.

Aster's not helping clean up the dolls.

I don't know where he is. I think he's hiding.

Bowie, I don't care where Aster is.

I have to finish this.

What are you working on?

I told Piper I'd upload her cartoon to the Knick Knack website, but...

I can't let anyone see that horrifying mess.

So I uploaded it, but I disconnected us from the rest of the internet.

Piper will think it's online, but only people inside these walls will be able

to see it.

That's not true.

I'm inside the walls and I can't see anything.

Talking wall, have you seen Aster?

No.

Okay, well let me know if you do.

Isn't Piper gonna figure out that no one can see her video?

Not when she reads all the fake comments I wrote.

Amazing cartoon.

Love the severed head.

The P stands for Piper. She's amazing.

Your boss is amazing for giving you this assignment.

You should find a special way to thank him.

Bowie, you need to keep quiet about this.

I understand.

You want me to go back to whispering?

Your hair smells nice.

Jervis, have you seen all these comments about my film? It's amazing!

Or should I say, amazing.

It's weird, everyone who commented thinks there's an H in amazing.

That's... the British spelling!

Your film is popular all over the world because it's on the World Wide Web.

Not the knick-knack only web, which doesn't exist.

Frankly, Mama's even brought that up.

If all these people really love my film, maybe it could win an award.

I should enter it into a film festival.

You can't. Why not? I thought you said it was great.

Did I say can't? I meant can.

Good idea. The Cannes Film Festival.

What? No.

You should enter it in a good film festival.

Like the one we happen to be hosting here at Knick Knack.

We're hosting a film festival? I never heard anything about that. You haven't?

I'm shocked.

What's the name of this film festival?

Uh... The Real Film Festival.

The Golden Real Film Festival.

Real as in a reel of film, not real as in what this festival is.

Which is real.

OK, I guess I'll submit my film.

Guys, I know you're in the middle of cleaning up JoyBuzzers, but would you be

willing to stop and make short films?

Yes, let's go.

Wait for me!

Everyone, welcome to the Golden Real Film Festival.

A real film festival.

We received submissions from all over the world, but incredibly, all five

finalists happen to work right here at Knick Knack.

But only one of these amazing filmmakers will take home the coveted golden reel.

Our first short film comes from a short director, Astor Vanderberg.

Here's his film, The Terminator.

In the pursuit of being fashionable, men continued to make outfits that were more

and more cutting edge.

But in the future, the outfits became too advanced and decided they didn't

need us anymore.

Today's judgment day. The day I judge these outfits.

I don't like them.

But for every outfit he would destroy, two more would rise.

The outfits had learned to reproduce.

No!

I'll be barkless.

Next up, we have a film by director Malcolm Knoxford III.

That guy sounds like a snooty, pompous jerk.

It's you-not.

Who said you could talk to me?

I'm about to do the greatest stunt ever attempted.

And thanks to this camera I'm wearing, you'll have a first-person view of my

death.

Defying stunt.

I will ride the roller coaster track, including the corkscrew, the 60-foot

drop, and the two loop-de-loops through two dozen panes of glass on a motorcycle

while doing a handstand with a mouth full of bees.

I almost forgot my hand.

None of us can watch.

Whoo! I did it!

What happened to the bees?

Did you swallow them?

Maybe.

Our next director, Geneva Hayes, has an Oscar.

As well as Peter and Ethan and Andrew.

Those are her dates tonight.

I didn't understand that movie at all. Why are you dancing the entire time?

Ah.

Swallowed bees.

Our next film, from director Bowie Sherman, stars two of my least favorite

actors. Bowie Sherman and Bowie Sherman.

You put your right foot in You put your right foot out You put your right foot

in And you shouldn't get all about... Sorry.

Sorry. You know who I am? Yes, sir.

So you know I'm looking for hokey-pokey-ers.

Yes, sir.

The key is to just relax.

Don't worry about your left foot, your right foot.

Don't worry about what the other guys are thinking.

You're here for a reason.

Have fun.

Five, six, and...

You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put your right foot

in. A little trouble there.

You're rushing.

Here we go.

Five, six, and... You

put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put your right foot

in.

Were you rushing or were you dragging?

I don't know. Rushing or dragging.

I don't know.

Watch me.

You put your right hand in.

Put your right hand out.

You put your right hand in. Not again!

And you shake it all about.

You put your right hand in. You put your right hand out. You put your right hand

in. You put your right hand out. You put your right hand in. You put your right

hand out. You put your right hand in. And you shake it all about. And you

shake it all about. And you shake it all about. And you shake it all about. You

do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around.

And that's what it's all about.

Okay, I guess that's it.

We'll just let the real judges confer.

Hey!

What about my movie?

You're gonna show my film, aren't you?

To people?

Who have probably already seen it since it's so popular on the web.

Can't think of a reason not to.

Nope.

The judges seem to be taking a really long time choosing a winner.

Really? Because I think they're taking a very believable amount of time.

Ladies and gentlemen.

And Bowie.

The very real Golden Real goes to... Piper Gray!

The P stands for pay.

What about Best Actor? Who won that? That also went to Piper. I wanted that

golden reel.

It matches this bar some guy gave me.

Where'd you find this?

Guys, guys, calm down.

It was a fake film festival.

But it says right there that it's real.

This whole thing was just to fool Piper.

Okay, whatever.

I don't care if you guys are mad.

At least Piper's happy.

Because you are an award-winning actor.

Save it! I know why you did all this.

You do?

So you know I put on this fake film festival and paid those judges to say

they liked your creepy cartoon because I love... Making me look like a fool!

Huh? This is clearly another one of your pranks. Like the Joy Buzzer doll.

I'm so mad I could fry you with this.

Got me again, prankster.

At least I know these work.

May I just say in my defense...

I wrecked it by Piper!

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