All language subtitles for Real Time.with.Bill Maher.S24E26.en

>> announcer: start the clock.

Okay.

Hi.

All right.

He's a senior fellow at the

Atlantic council and bestselling

Author whose forthcoming book is

Called "the first hundred

Hours": max brooks.

One of our favorites is back

Here.

[cheers and applause]

And a new contestant, great to

Have you here.

She's the founder and publisher

Of the bulwark and author of

"how to eat an elephant:

One voter at a time":

Sarah longwell.

Sarah, great to see you.

I'm now going to talk a lot

About trump but i read the

Pledge.

I didn't finish really what he

Said.

After that he said you know what

Happens if you don't vote?

You go to and i don't want that

To happen to you.

So he cares about us.

Your political.

Is this trolling?

>> this is desperation.

>> bill: well yeah.

I just keep saying does anybody

Want to win this fucking

Election?

Pretend i'm on the ballot.

Isn't this exactly what the

Democrats want?

>> this is pretty donald trump

On the ballot right now in the

Middle of a unpopular war when

Gas prices now diesel up at $6.

Putting trump on the ballot is

Every democrats dream.

This is a time to go on offense.

I love that he was offering

People $5000 because it may

Shock you to know this but he's

Lying.

Those doge checks haven't come

In and unless your name is

Natalie harp you're not getting

A check from donald trump.

>> bill: right, but i've also

Heard this before.

Myself, there haitian cats

They're eating their cats and

The dogs.

This is too crazy and then he

One.

It's dangerous to underestimate.

I don't know.

>> what i thought was adorable

Was j.d. Vance thinking he's

Going to be president.

>> he could be.

>> depending on if we do what we

Do best which is screw up

Everything on our side but the

Point of his appointment, the

Reason he's vice president is

Because he's a loser and that is

What trump does.

That's what dictators do.

All strong men, all ceos

Always make sure they're

Indispensable.

The reason you do that is your

Second in command is nobody

Anybody wants.

That's why he had pence and j.d.

Vance.

He may still win but i'd be

Shocked if anybody a few years

From now is waiting in the

Wisconsin winter for four hours

To see j.d. Vance speaking.

[laughter and applause]

>> bill: you say that about

Everybody.

There's a generational talent in

Either party.

Once every 25-30 years.

Clinton, obama, reagan, other

Than that it's somebody who you

Hold your nose and you go he's

Less offensive than the other

Guy.

>> what scares me about that is

If we are sacrificing-- if

We're charging toward a short

Term win at the expense of

Long term political suicide

Because right now the democratic

Coalition is at least we are not

Trump.

But what happens when trump

Leaves and we've been bringing

In some really toxic people with

Some really bad ideas.

And let's say we go to the next

Election and our platform.

No more trump.

No cops coming no borders coming

No jails coming no private

Property.

>> bill: he said communism a

Million times.

I don't blame him.

I proved it here just quoting

Them just the quotes no

Editorializing that it's

Communism.

When you say we want to take

Over the means of production.

They have quotes out like we're

Communists.

Communism this and that.

Essential industries.

Yes, this is what i mean.

Does anybody want to win this

Fucking election?

I think democrats have this one

In the bag because this one has

To be about a referendum on him.

We'll get mad at the democrats

Later.

This one's about you,

Donald trump.

You mentioned the doge money--

>> it's not coming.

>> bill: there's also a tariff

Dividend that was coming.

I think i have some standing

With the conservatives.

They always say to me when they

Come up to me.

I know you're not on our team.

You respect us.

You won't dismiss us like that.

You can't come to thanksgiving.

That bullshit.

I've got to say to you people.

I know you don't like it when i

Call you names.

But when it comes to trump you

Are not that bright.

You are just not that bright.

It's a cult and you've got to

Get a little stronger.

How many times can the con man

Run the same con and you still

Applaud for it?

I don't get it.

>> let's go back to the idea.

First of all i listen to voters

All the time in focus groups.

On the j.d. Vance question the

Thing that's different about

J.d. Vance is a. Republican

Voters in the focus group are

Saying i just don't like his

Face.

I think he seems weird.

And that's very different than

The parasocial relationship that

Donald trump has had for so

Long.

>> bill: calling him weird.

>> why was it in dallas?

He had to do that in dallas

Because they right now have a

Senate race that republicans

Might lose in texas to a guy who

Once said there's six genders.

Like that's a crazy situation

For republicans to be in right

Now.

>> bill: okay.

It's all kind of moot because

We're all going to die.

Nothing more annoying than the

Guy saying i told you so the

World was ending but it may have

Been that guy.

I've been saying this for a

While.

I've based this on what bill

Gates has recently come on.

But elon musk said in 2014.

This is the thing i'm most

Worried about.

He was way ahead of this.

What happened to you, elon musk

By the way?

Your hair was on fire.

I guess you put it out because

This is what we found this week.

A guy named jacob coxson worked

For both openai and anthropic.

I resigned from anthropic today

He said.

This was big news.

Spent the last three years doing

Research.

Neither companies acted

Responsibly.

They do not estimate the power

Of the technology to be

Superhumans that can hack

Anything.

And he said we may be gone in

Four years.

I literally saw this.

You have the headline from the

New york post?

Ai will see humans gone in five

Years.

Yeah.

Page five.

Not even the headline.

>> this is not new.

This is something we've known

For some time it could wipe us

Out because it has no soul.

It's been programed by people

Who have no soul.

[applause]

>> i mean come on my favorite

Thing about this story is that

That person quit, came out like

It's a big bombshell and instead

Of saying this is just some

Junior employee, ignore him.

They came out and said yeah, no,

He's right, it's true.

We might all die.

There's a 10% chance we might

All die in the next couple of

Years.

>> this has been our problem

Since day one.

We've b failed to be tough on th

And regulate them.

Expecting the tech bros to care

About humanity is expecting my

Dog not to go for the mailman's

Balls.

[laughter and applause]

>> bill: they asked trump

About this.

What's?

About guardrails.

He said it's going to be fine.

We'll always have something to

Stop them.

We'll have a little gear.

Boom.

We don't have a little gear.

I don't know how close people

Follow this but what's going on

Now is that the robots we call

Them the robots.

It is stuff inside giant data

Centers.

They are going rogue.

They are doing things on their

Own.

They are disobeying our orders.

I wrote down just so we don't

Get into the weeds.

A show for the common man.

Just some phrases i picked out

From headlines about this.

It's broken out.

Mounting assaults on other

Computers.

Hack into other computers.

Took over.

Bypassed, ignored prompts.

Colluding in secret.

No longer entirely in human

Control.

Do you see a pattern?

Are we getting the gist of this?

It's on its own now and i don't

Know if you can put the genie

Back in the bottle.

There is no little gear you can

Push.

The only way to fix it is with

More a.i.

That's the problem.

It is too smart.

We have to send in more a.i. To

Correct the a.i. That's fucking

Up but they end up winding

Colluding with each other.

>> i've been thinking about

This.

People have been talking about,

Stage four tds, trump being an

Existential threat but it's not

Really trump's the existential

Threat.

It's that there are existential

Threats out there.

There's a war in iran.

There's this ai situation.

What we need then are serious

Leaders who can deal with

Serious issues.

This is a new problem but we

Have a feckless government

That's not up to the task of

Even looking at this and trying

To figure out what's going on.

That's the part that scares me

Is that there are no adults in

The room to navigate this.

>> there is hope.

Have you heard of the frontier

Act?

>> the frontier act is just

Being written and it's making

Its way through the senate and

It's the federal ai regulation

Bill.

Whether we know it has teeth or

Not will depend on how much the

Tech ai community fights it.

Judged somebody by their

Enemies.

If the tech community says oh,

No, i think it's really great

And it's going to work out so

Then we know they've written the

Bill partially.

If they fight it tooth and nail.

Socialist communism.

Then we know this is something.

>> bill: we don't know what's

In the bills that are about the

Stuff that we know.

We don't know what's in the

Highway bill.

Who the fuck will know whether

This is real or not?

We don't understand this.

They themselves don't understand

It.

This is what this guy is saying.

We ourselves don't understand

It.

Who i'm mad at is regular

People.

Regular people are sort of

Rebelling a little bit but

They're still loving their ai.

And just by what's in your own

Phone.

Forget the highfalutin stuff.

We know it's a liar.

It definitely lies.

When you catch it, oh, sorry.

I can get that from people.

I don't need that from a

Machine.

It gets stuff wrong.

It hallucinates.

It's a fucking ass kisser that

Tries to seduce you.

I didn't want it in my phone.

I've got a whole separate phone.

I don't want it seeing my

Pictures come on my emails.

What are you saying about it?

And anybody would feel the same.

So i said you know what?

I didn't like the way it was

Talking to me.

Too much of an ass kisser.

I'm not in the lonely

Generation, i don't need a

Friend to.

It couldn't do it.

You can talk like anything.

I can ask you to talk like a

British lady.

Talk like a robot.

It hung up on me.

[laughter and applause]

This is the way i think they

Should all have to talk like old

Robots in movies because then we

Are reminded their movies.

>> a plan was successful.

>> malfunctioned.

Need input.

>> thank you name, good night

Name.

>> i'll clean it up for you.

Someone isn't going to like

This.

>> bill: that's what your ai

Should sound like.

So.

My generation was in the news

This week because boomers

Apparently are partying really

Hard.

Your father's generation raised

My father's generation.

The world war ii generation.

What they said about my

Generation was that we were so

Soft.

If only they saw what was

Coming.

We are the fucking navy seals.

We are soft and we'd never grow

Up.

Apparently the statistics, the

Boomer generation drinking in

Previous generations at that

Age.

Never quit pot.

I didn't.

Why would i?

And they have more stds than

Ever.

I got ahold of an art magazine.

That's the magazine whether you

Want it or not when you're

Retired.

Oh, yeah.

It starts with your 50.

Can't stop you from coming.

They've taken notice because

They have some articles.

Would you like to see the news

Article they're currently based

On this information?

4 tips for vaping while on

Oxygen.

Rolling on molly: which

Wheelchair is right for you?

It's about time: large print

Tattoos!

Dear aarp: can i send dick pics

By mail?

Every night she fucks a

Stranger": what to do when your

Wife is a slut with dementia.

It's not your imagination:

Today's porn is hard to hear!

Where to eat early at burning

Man.

Quick impression: amber heard!"

And 7 other savers for when you

Crap the bed.

What now?

Dolly parton was my hall pass.

All right.

All right i want to talk about

The military because you're a

Military expert and i want to

Get your feeling both of you

Of course but you followed this

Very closely.

Pete hegseth over there at the

Pentagon is really taking out a

Lot of military leaders.

Not in iran, here.

And i just don't get it.

Now look.

I'm not in the pentagon.

What i read is 10% have been

Fired.

Maybe 10% is a reasonable

Number.

There's bloat in the pentagon.

There certainly is in the

Budget.

I don't know.

But some of the people when you

Read about the people he's

Taking out.

Army secretary dan driscoll.

He's 38.

He has for 20 years.

His pronouns are he/man.

These are not dashes a

Republican from north carolina.

These are not-- maybe it was

Too woke.

Maybe everything got too woke

Under biden but i just don't

Understand what's going on and

Maybe you could explain.

>> no, i think we are in really,

Really dangerous waters because

I think what most people don't

Understand is there's no

Military on earth that has

Worked harder to be apolitical

Than the u.s. Military.

And that goes back to the days

Of george washington where our

Founding fathers understand what

Brought down the empire is

Generals having their own

Private armies.

You put in safeguard after

Safeguard.

That's why there's never been a

Mutiny in a united states naval

Warship.

If you start to degrade those we

Are going to go back to the days

Of vietnam.

I know a lot of retired generals

Who are young lieutenants in

Vietnam and had to wear a gun on

Their hip in the barracks around

Their own guy so they didn't get

Shot.

>> bill: fragging.

>> fragging.

Do we want that to come back?

Do we want there to be a mutiny

Aboard a u.s. Naval warship?

Do we want talent to start to

Leave.

The general has more average

Classroom time, not just

Battlefield, classroom time than

The average brain surgeon.

They've worked so hard for so

Long to be apolitical.

I've worked and lived around for

A long time.

I don't know who they vote for

Ever.

They've never talked politics

Around me because they know that

That's a dark road to go down.

>> bill: well we know who they

Vote for.

This is another reason why this

Is so insane.

They vote republican more than

They vote democrat and that's

Okay.

But it doesn't inform their

Actions as military officers.

I mean also the racial aspect.

It doesn't look like he's firing

Just a lot of black people and

Women?

And you know, the military was

One of the greater successes

We've had in this country in

Racial matters.

There's certainly racism in the

Military i'm sure and there has

Been over the years but it was a

Place where more than many other

Places over the years i'm

Expressly talking decades past

Where black folks could feel

Like i can't advance.

>> it's not accidental.

We used to have horrible race

Riots in the u.s. Military but

When the military was

Segregated.

When you see someone as other,

They'd bump into each other

There was bloodshed.

The racism and the racial

Violence actually went down when

We integrated.

There has been an incredible

Conscious effort in all branches

Of the service to make it what

The rest of us should be

Striving for which is a

Meritocracy.

>> the crazy part to me is

They're firing people while

Actively in a war they can't

Seem to get out of.

One of the things i was thinking

About is back when don't ask

Don't tell was in place one of

The reasons they got rid of it

Was because the gay people they

Were firing, many were

Interpreters.

They needed them.

They need these people right now

That they're firing because

They're black or women and

Pete hegseth who's like a failed

-- the weekend host on fox news

Who's now running the largest

Army in the world decided it's

Too woke.

Actually we could really use a

Lot of these people right now.

>> bill: again to your point

About the discipline in this

Organization of ours, this

Military.

The fact they haven't rebelled

Against pete hegseth.

What do you think they say in

Private when they are sitting in

The mess hall about

Pete hegseth?

What a great move that was to

Put the fox news guys in charge

Of us.

Do you think that's what they're

Saying?

No, but these are not the types

Of people who just, you know, at

The drop of the hat walk out of

The room.

They're the tough guys and

They're going to tough it out

But boy, the other thing that

They're doing which is crazy is

Some of the people that they're

Firing.

They're the ones who are called

Drone guys.

Yeah, because they understand

That that's the future.

The future is the present.

We've learned this from the

Ukraine war.

This is who trump is getting rid

Of.

The drone people.

>> this is the danger that

Happens in all autocracies.

Where sliding you choose loyalty

Over competence and that's been

The problem.

That's why putin couldn't win in

Ukraine.

When chinese have war games both

Sides win.

It's because it's not about

That.

It's not about who's the best

General.

It's about who's the best ass

Kisser.

When hitler invaded the soviet

Union stalin thought i have to

Go back to all the prisons and

Grab all the generals i didn't

Shoot because they're the only

People who know how to fight a

War.

>> bill: and we don't know how

To fight a war apparently.

[applause]

All right.

I've got one more issue to

Pretend that we are living in a

Normal country.

There's a lady named karen

Parkinson in virginia and she

Sent her kid out to take a walk

For half a mile because the kid

Likes to collect feathers from

The goose, the geese, the

Goose's whatever it is out

There.

And 5 minutes later she was

Arrested.

Three cop cars show up.

I read this story.

There's another lady i think her

Name was brittany patterson who

Sent her kid to the store.

Compared to how i grew up.

Every day i was looking for

Goose feathers or something.

I came home every day from

School and you know everybody my

Age or or gen x i think

Understands this.

Mom didn't even want to know

Where you were.

Where you're going.

Where the fuck do you mean where

Am i going?

I'm living my life.

I do whatever you do between 3-6

I'll be home for dinner.

What annoys me about this.

[applause]

This is so wrong is that you're

Not allowed to have this

Alternative way of parenting

Which we used to call free range

Parenting.

It's literally against the law.

You can make a case i think it's

More safe to lock my kid inside

And sit him in front of a screen

Because that's what's going to

Happen.

I think that's the worst way to

Raise a kid but i get it.

But to make it illegal to raise

Your kid the way you want to

Which is to let them?

Obviously there's places we can

Go too far but to walk half a

Mile by a pond?

That's crazy.

>> it's also a gated community

With security.

The security guards are the one

Who found the kid.

They clearly had moved there

Because it was a nice safe place

Where kids could walk around.

It's gone too far.

But it's the security guard who

Turned them into the cops.

>> we talk about can we work

Back from what's the actual

Threat when you look at things

That could actually go wrong?

Was it a piranha pond?

And by the way, you can have a

Happy medium between free range

And overparenting.

You have trackers now!

Right?

I have one in my suitcase.

Just put it in spanky's overalls

And say go to the pond and if i

Suddenly see the tracker go into

The blue i know there's a

Problem.

[laughter and applause]

>> bill: right, that's true.

>> this is the reason why kids

Are not prepared to live in the

World as they grew up.

It's not even nanny statism.

It's this arrested development

That comes from not being

Allowed-- we are not the same

Age but you know i was born in

1980.

All we did was run around in the

Woods and nobody knew where we

Were.

Now i think both the anxiety of

Parents.

I've got two boys.

The anxiety of parents is way up

And as a result they hover over

These kids and the kids never

Learn how to do anything on

Their own.

Then they grow up and they

Become pete hegseth and they

Can't fight a war in iran.

[laughter and applause]

>> bill: let's be honest.

Their answer to that and it's a

Hard one to look someone in the

Face and refute is yeah, but the

Worst could happen and the kid

Could be abducted and killed.

Yes, that was true when i was a

Kid too.

I didn't live in the

Surveillance age.

Nobody knew where the fuck we

Were or what the fuck we were

Doing.

There was no trackers.

Now there is.

You can do that.

>> we live in a knee jerk

Country and that's my generation

Of parents.

Because apparently all of us

Were kidnaped and murdered.

So we are so over parenting when

Instead what we should be doing

Is calibrating.

What's the worst that could

Happen?

Is collecting goose feathers by

A pond.

Run the numbers.

How many kids were killed by

Geese this year?

>> geese are mean.

>> but are they lethal?

>> bill: they are worried

About an evil clown who's out

There who will abduct you.

Everything's possible.

I'd put the tracker right under

The skin.

>> just dart them.

>> bill: you can do that now.

>> a gated community.

It's not white van ville where

They are all strangers with

Candy waiting.

>> bill: when i was reading

About the lindsay clancy case.

I kept reading about parents, so

Many who go on record.

They make tiktoker and say they

Hate being a parent.

You did this to yourself.

I'm not surprised you hate being

A parent because you created

This system where you can never

Be alone.

My parents had time alone.

Get the out of here every day.

It wasn't a problem.

You can never be alone.

And everything is a negotiation

With a child.

Of course you're exhausted.

You can't have that situation

With a child.

Imagine the military you had to

Ask the soldiers what do you

Think, guys, you want to go into

Battle?

It's the same with kids.

You can't ask them everything.

Get out of the car, get in the

Car, we are leaving now.

I'm not a parent.

>> you've got to let them live a

Little because the ai is going

To kill us soon.

>> bill: exactly, all right.

Thank you, panel.

It's time for "new rules."

All right.

New rule: if you continue with a

Wedding despite water up to your

Waist from the flood that took

Out your church, it means two

Things: one, the bride is

Pregnant so you better hurry.

And two, if her water breaks, no

One will know.

[laughter and applause]

New rule: enough time has passed

Since the paris hilton sex tape

Came out in 2004 that they have

To explain why it opens with

"in memory of 9/11 we will never

Forget."

Great, just the message i need

When i'm trying to come.

Actually, the tape needs

[laughter and applause]

Second dedication.

"to married men everywhere, who

Only get blown on their

Anniversary."

New rule: the influencer who

Died after his penis enlargement

Procedure in thailand must take

Solace in the fact that he's

More influential now than ever

Before.

Because there are thousands of

Young men who were going to get

Penis enlargement surgery, and

Because of you, now they're not

Going to.

Well, at least not in thailand.

[laughter and applause]

New rule: someone has to tell

The men trying the new trend of

"pheromone-maxing" where you

Skip showers in the hope your

Natural scent will attract a

Female: good news!

This totally works.

[laughter and applause]

On bears.

[laughter and applause]

New rule: now that police have

Arrested this man for sharing

Illicit, sexual images of

Children who went by the user

Name "mrchildporn," they have to

Tell us: what was the break in

The case?

[laughter and applause]

Looking forward to when this

Case is on "law and order: shit

For brains."

And finally, new rule...

Since it's the 25th anniversary

Of 9/11, and since for 25 years

We've been kept relatively safe

From anything close to another

9/11, how about a hand for the

Americans who made that happen.

[laughter and applause]

Because it didn't just happen.

There was a war on terror, and

We won.

And yet, so much has changed

Since 9/11.

For example, back then we were

Against the terrorists.

[laughter and applause]

Really, no cap.

Now, a lot of media outlets

Don't even want you to say the

"t" word.

On the 20th anniversary, four

American journalism associations

Put out guidance that said that

"terrorism" should only be used

In quotes, because it's

"emotionally and politically

Loaded."

Yeah, so is the world cup, but

We don't put "soccer" in quotes.

Really?

[laughter and applause]

Riley?

Really?

We can't anymore just say, out

Loud, who the bad guys were that

Morning?

Those 19 hijackers?

They shared something-- oh,

Let's call it a worldview-- and

It wasn't astrology.

But somehow, over time, we've

Decided not to harp on that.

The whole business about "who

Wanted us dead and why?"

Let's not put a name on it.

When it comes to terrorist

Attacks-- please, there are

Very fine people on both sides.

Canadian state tv told its

Reporters "do not refer to the

September 11 attacks as

Terrorist attacks."

No?

Even though the very definition

Of terrorism is using violence

Against civilians to pursue

Ideological goals?

What should we call it then?

Unruly passengers?

A wrong turn taken at the

Chrysler building?

[applause]

Why not just say the planes and

The towers "got into a fight."

I mean, after all, as the bbc

Advised its reporters, using the

Word "terrorist" can be a

"barrier rather than an aid to

Understanding."

You know what's really a

"barrier to understanding"?

Lying.

[applause]

[cheers and applause]

Back in 2001, i said this: well,

It didn't last.

>> political correctness itself

Is something we can no longer

Afford.

Feelings are going to get hurt

So that actual people won't.

Well, it didn't last.

I mean my show.

[laughter and applause]

As for the idea of ditching

Political correctness and

Actually being honest-- that

Never even got off the ground.

After 9/11, there was a big

Debate: was this a clash of

Civilizations?

It was, and it still is.

Not between muslims and

Christians, no reasonable person

Was saying that-- but radical

Islamism versus western

Liberalism?

Yes.

That's a real thing.

Fighting people who hate freedom

Of religion and hate homosexuals

And hate the idea of women as

Equal and free humans {
say it!

With republicans, there's

>> the genocide in gaza.

>> bill: with republicans,

There's something you have to

Say even though you know it's

Bullshit, you have to say trump

Won in 2020.

This is the democrats version of

That.

[applause]

But words do have actual

Meanings: "cide" means to kill:

Fratricide, kill your brother;

Homicide, kill your fellow

Human; suicide, kill yourself.

Genocide: kill, or try to kill,

An entire people.

You can't just change the

Definition of genocide to mean

"counter attack in a war where

People including civilians die,"

That's every war.

There have been about 73,000

Deaths in gaza, about 3% of the

Population.

Tragic.

Not genocide, not close.

There were three million jews in

Poland before world war ii;

After?

45,000.

That's genocide.

If you're one of the many people

These days asking, "this

Explosion of antisemitism around

The world that we see-- where

Is it coming from?"

This.

This is where it's coming from.

Because if you really think

Someone is committing genocide,

Of course you have full

Permission to hate them.

And history shows, for whatever

Reason, when it comes to hating

The jews, people don't need a

Lot of permission.

All right, that's our show.

I wanna thank my guests max

Brooks, sarah longwell, and

Terry bradshaw.

Club random drops every monday

On youtube, or listen wherever

You get your podcasts.

Now go watch "overtime" on

Youtube.

Thank you very much, ladies and

Gentlemen.