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1
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:09,410
Hey, Al,
have you seen my curling iron?
2
00:00:09,577 --> 00:00:11,645
Now, Peg, think.
3
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:14,815
Why would I take something
that makes you look better?
4
00:00:16,817 --> 00:00:19,553
Now, stop bothering me.
I'm on vacation.
5
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,757
You know, that one week out of
the year I get to sit on my butt...
6
00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:25,793
...allowing yours to experience light
and air.
7
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:30,064
You know, honey, what we need to do
is take a family vacation.
8
00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:32,967
Don't you want your kids
to have at least one happy memory...
9
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,069
...besides your funeral?
10
00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:38,839
Peg, you gonna bury me
when I'm dead?
11
00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:42,510
Dead, napping, not looking.
12
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:45,312
Once again...
13
00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:50,985
...I have to deliver your mail...
14
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:54,388
...just because the mailman
is afraid of getting attacked.
15
00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:56,223
Our dog doesn't bite.
16
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,526
It's not the dog he's afraid of.
17
00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:01,929
Oh, Peg, not again.
18
00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:05,433
We just got the pizza boy
to drop the charges.
19
00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:10,438
Oh, look, my travel brochure came.
20
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,673
Why would you send away
for a travel brochure?
21
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,009
You know I never take you anywhere.
22
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:19,013
Al, I wanna go to Branson, Missouri...
23
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:23,384
...entertainment capital of Missouri.
24
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:28,622
Peg, I can't take you
on a vacation now...
25
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:31,692
...because Larry, there,
would miss us.
26
00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:34,261
That's Lucky.
27
00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:37,932
And I'd be happy to feed him.
28
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,667
To what?
29
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:44,472
Do you think that if I could
afford a family vacation...
30
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:46,307
...I would take this family?
31
00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:49,743
Come try our vein-clogging...
32
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:53,881
...heart-stopping, all-fried buffet.
33
00:01:54,048 --> 00:01:55,883
All-fried?
34
00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:58,886
Even the lettuce?
35
00:01:59,053 --> 00:02:01,222
Oh, but look, Al, I guess we can't go.
36
00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:04,625
The rooms only have twin beds.
37
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:10,698
Peg, saddle up, lasso the young'uns,
we're Branson-bound.
38
00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:51,605
Yeah.
39
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:55,910
I told you we'd make it to Branson
on less than a gallon of gas.
40
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:57,344
Oh, please.
41
00:02:57,511 --> 00:03:00,848
You chained our car
to the back of a Greyhound bus.
42
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:10,624
Dad, why can't we just have suitcases
like normal people?
43
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:15,029
Well, we did, till the handles came
off those detergent boxes.
44
00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:21,268
Howdy.
Welcome to the Deliverance Inn.
45
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:25,239
You'll squeal like a pig
at our hospitality.
46
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:29,109
Especially you.
47
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,250
We're on a family vacation...
48
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:39,386
...and we want
the best accommodations 20 bucks...
49
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,889
...and these aluminum cans will buy.
50
00:03:42,056 --> 00:03:46,226
May I suggest the Ned Beatty suite?
51
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:49,063
There's a back door.
52
00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:56,870
Dad, I wanna go home now.
53
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:59,440
What do you mean,
you wanna go home? It's great here.
54
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:02,943
We've only been here 10 minutes,
you made a new friend.
55
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:05,512
We'll take it. Where's my wallet?
56
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:08,616
Howdy, y'all.
57
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,952
Oh, God, the gift shops.
58
00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:14,288
Al, it is worth all your money.
59
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:17,291
The salesgirl says
it's a Bransonie original.
60
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:18,659
One of a kind.
61
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,370
Now, what are we gonna do?
62
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:32,640
First, thank your mother
for finding a new way to ruin our lives.
63
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,908
Thanks, Mom.
64
00:04:35,209 --> 00:04:36,944
And second, this vacation is over.
65
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:39,413
Now, help me push the car back
to the bus station.
66
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:44,051
When does
the next bus to Chicago leave?
67
00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:45,552
Tomorrow.
68
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:51,091
Which means you can join us
for our complimentary canoe trip.
69
00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:58,932
I can't believe
they didn't lock their door.
70
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:01,535
Would you lock a landfill?
71
00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:04,104
Oh, poor Lucky.
72
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:08,409
Look, he's so hungry,
he's chewing on one of Peggy's bras.
73
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:11,545
Yeah, well,
he's probably looking for crumbs.
74
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,718
Well, Jefferson, let's go home.
75
00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:21,188
It's Saturday night,
and you know what that means.
76
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:26,226
The Romanian coach
and the limping gymnast?
77
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:32,132
We did that last week.
78
00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:36,937
Hey, hey,
how about Woody and Soon-Yi?
79
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:39,473
-Too much talking.
-Yeah.
80
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:43,577
I wanna do something
really different.
81
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:47,081
Something dirty...
82
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,183
...and trashy...
83
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,453
...and cheap.
84
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,091
Peg.
85
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,536
I'm home.
86
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:13,140
Hi, Al.
87
00:06:20,447 --> 00:06:22,883
Gee, where's dinner?
88
00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:27,488
Working its way
through my small intestine.
89
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:31,759
I'm surprised any part of your body
is willing to work.
90
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:38,432
Whoever thought being them
could be so much fun?
91
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:41,802
Al.
92
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:44,605
I want you to come upstairs...
93
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:48,642
...and try to last longer
than a new Fox sitcom.
94
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:53,781
Peg, I don't want to.
95
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,482
Who cares what you want?
96
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,785
Pleasure me, shoe drone.
97
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:08,061
Okay.
I got some more pennies, Dad.
98
00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:10,130
Forget the pennies,
go for the quarters.
99
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:11,899
There's a silver dollar out there.
100
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,667
Go on out there and get it, Bud.
101
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,969
-Go out there and get it.
-Dad, I'm drowning!
102
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:17,337
You big baby.
103
00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:21,275
Brain damage doesn't set in
for four minutes. Ask your sister.
104
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,779
What kind of idiots would throw
good money into a fountain?
105
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:29,183
I hope we meet somebody
really famous...
106
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:32,219
...like Tammy Wynette.
107
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,898
Spit out the fish.
Spit it up.
108
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:46,700
Either we all eat
or none of us eat.
109
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,101
I can't breathe.
110
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:50,971
I know CPR.
111
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,316
Dollar ninety-eight...
112
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,218
...dollar ninety-nine.
113
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:07,855
Gentlemen, start your fryers,
I'm buffet-bound.
114
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:11,558
Hey. Hey, you.
115
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,961
Mama, I'm hungry now.
116
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:16,964
Well, get out your snack, dumpling.
117
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,570
Haven't you ever heard
of sugarless gum?
118
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:27,174
Oh, no, Mama says
that's the devil's candy.
119
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,547
Sorry, folks, we're closed.
120
00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:36,049
What do you mean you're closed?
You let them in.
121
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:39,319
And now we've reached
our weight limit.
122
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:44,124
Oh, Peg, I'm starving. This is just like
being at home but with fringe.
123
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:47,127
Oh, now, Al, so we don't get to eat.
124
00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:50,530
I mean, this is Branson. I'm sure we
can find something else fun to do.
125
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:54,167
Like what?
Like sneaking into Hicks on Ice?
126
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:57,404
Where are we gonna sleep tonight?
127
00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:58,906
I'm cold, I'm soaked.
128
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:02,342
The desk clerk just offered
to blow-dry me.
129
00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:09,583
Well, you guys are on your own.
I'm covered.
130
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:14,955
Sweetheart, I'm surprised at you.
131
00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:17,057
Where have you been?
132
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,794
Come on, Daddy,
I'm not that kind of girl.
133
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,931
I was just gonna slip them a Mickey
and roll them.
134
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:25,832
That's my pumpkin.
135
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,402
Hey, now, wait a minute.
Nobody's rolling anybody.
136
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,337
We're on vacation.
137
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:34,541
Look, they're having
a country music talent contest tonight.
138
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,444
Yeah, and the first prize is $500.
139
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:40,814
-Why don't we enter?
-Because we don't have any talent.
140
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,417
Dad, what are you talking about?
141
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,819
Bud, here, does a solo act
every night.
142
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:53,293
Although he hasn't won a contest
for it since the Cub Scouts, but....
143
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:58,065
Hey, Al, this talent show
could save our vacation.
144
00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:00,934
We don't know anything
about country music.
145
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,170
We're just poor, simple folk...
146
00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:05,739
...with busted dreams
and a broken Dodge...
147
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:08,608
...driving down the turnpike of tears.
148
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,414
Let's have a hand for our last entry.
149
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:19,453
A new mother and daughter
singing sensation, the Juggs.
150
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:20,814
Well, pickle my eggs.
We got us a winner.
151
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:24,217
-The Juggs.
-We won, we won.
152
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,153
They won, they won.
153
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:29,456
Three, four, five hundred dollars.
154
00:11:29,623 --> 00:11:33,026
Actually, I handle the Juggs.
I'm Pa Jugg.
155
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:35,462
I-- I created the Juggs.
156
00:11:35,629 --> 00:11:40,467
Hey, Jughead, I had to sleep
with these jugs to create that jug.
157
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:43,970
Not only are you gonna open
for Tammy Wynette tomorrow night...
158
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:46,773
...in the big room,
but if she takes a shine to you...
159
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:49,509
...she'll take you
on her next world tour.
160
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:52,379
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I always wanted to drive to Europe.
161
00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:53,547
Oh, my God.
162
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:58,151
And I'm gonna make millions
and see the Great Mall of China.
163
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,655
I'll audition the backup singers
and learn to say...
164
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:04,991
..."Can we try it topless?"
in 40 different languages.
165
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,626
Hey, in Japanese it's:
166
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,143
Al.
167
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:26,213
-Get me some bonbons.
-Get them yourself.
168
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:33,587
-Pathetic loser.
-Human tar pit.
169
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:35,055
Take me.
170
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,498
Oh, I finally understand
why they're still married.
171
00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:47,934
Yeah. Okay, I think we've hit
all the Bundy basics.
172
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,970
-What's left?
-Well...
173
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:56,009
...we haven't let the dog detail
the D'Arcy's Mercedes lately.
174
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,945
Let's do it. Who's gonna stop us?
175
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,982
That candy-ass Jefferson?
176
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,621
Or Marcy,
that pinstriped henpecker.
177
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:15,128
Do you ever wonder
why that lazy parasite, Jefferson...
178
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,864
...can never hold down a job?
179
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:23,737
Other than being Marcy's
human rotisserie, and trust me...
180
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:26,873
...whatever she's paying him,
it's not enough.
181
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:31,711
Jefferson,
you went past the safe place.
182
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:36,650
Oh, I'm sorry, lambykins.
183
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:40,320
You're so good at this,
I got carried away.
184
00:13:40,754 --> 00:13:44,324
-So you were just role-playing?
-Of course.
185
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,493
Get away from me, Peg.
186
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:49,629
You hopeless Oprah-holic.
187
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:53,433
-Oh, Al.
-Peg--
188
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,236
Oh, Peg.
189
00:13:56,836 --> 00:14:01,007
There's my little musical meal ticket.
190
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,712
Now, look what I had
made up for you.
191
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:08,315
They're great, Daddy.
192
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:11,351
Compliments
of Ms. Tammy Wynette.
193
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,853
You know, Al, I'm so excited
about going on tour...
194
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,990
...but I hate the thought of leaving you
at home for a year.
195
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:21,494
Your career comes first, pooky.
I don't mind sacrificing.
196
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,365
Mom, Kelly...
197
00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:27,534
...Tom Arnold.
198
00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:32,172
Hey, he earned his money.
199
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:38,712
I, as your agent, your creator,
the sole reason you exist...
200
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:41,381
...would like to present to you
your future.
201
00:14:44,818 --> 00:14:45,885
Oh, my God.
202
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:49,222
Ninety-nine cent shrimp cocktails.
203
00:14:49,823 --> 00:14:52,826
Hey, what's the big deal?
Anybody can put up a sign.
204
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,895
I got your name mentioned
in the Branson Bugle.
205
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,897
Let me see this.
206
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:00,333
This is so low.
207
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,536
You're both six months pregnant
by Billy Ray Cyrus.
208
00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:09,676
Really? Well, then how come
Mom's showing and I'm not?
209
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,179
I am not showing.
210
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,814
And you're grounded.
211
00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:17,350
Calm down, Mom.
It's bad for the baby.
212
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:18,585
Hello?
213
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:20,820
Kelly, you're not really pregnant.
214
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:24,090
We squeaked by that one, hey, Mom?
215
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:27,227
Bud, you got that sign all wrong.
216
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:29,062
I shouldn't be your mother.
217
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:31,798
That's what child welfare said.
218
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,467
Why can't Kelly be the mom?
219
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:35,902
I can't be your mother.
220
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:38,338
I mean, that would make me
my own grandmother.
221
00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:41,975
Well, we are in Branson.
These things happen.
222
00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:44,210
Why are you taking her side?
223
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,746
Now, you told me I was the talented,
pretty one.
224
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:50,917
Hey, and you told me that that stupid,
cheap blond was holding me back.
225
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:53,553
Wait, you added a stupid,
cheap blond to the act?
226
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,021
Why wasn't I told? Hello.
227
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:58,625
Now, see, that's the reason
why you shouldn't be the manager.
228
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:02,595
You are driving a wedge
between the Juggs.
229
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,167
You're fired.
230
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:08,802
You can't fire me.
231
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,403
Only they can fire me.
232
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,672
-You're fired.
-You're fired.
233
00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:14,641
Fine. And you know what?
234
00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:16,776
You can go on the road with them,
Dad.
235
00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:20,013
You see, it's bad ideas like that
got you fired.
236
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:34,828
I'm Tammy Wynette, and I wanted to
stop by and meet my new opening act.
237
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,162
Hi.
238
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,864
Which Jugg are you?
239
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:40,066
She's the junior Jugg.
240
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,369
And she's the Jurassic Jugg.
241
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,371
Now, girls, girls, girls.
242
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:45,839
I'm Colonel Jugg...
243
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,274
...and it's a thrill to meet you,
Ms. Wynette.
244
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,477
Oh, yeah. We just love your music.
245
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:54,214
As a matter of fact, Al and I can't
make love without listening to your CD.
246
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:55,849
As long as you're listening.
247
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:59,586
Well, she listens.
I stare at your picture.
248
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:04,224
I'm delighted and disgusted
at the same time.
249
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:08,228
Well, now you know
what sex with Al is like.
250
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:11,364
I think it would be cute to have a
mother and daughter duo...
251
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,632
...to open up my show.
252
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:16,436
Well, you know, actually,
we're more like a sister act.
253
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:19,539
Oh, you do comedy too?
254
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,308
Colonel, handle this.
255
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:25,111
Hey, you guys, I have an idea.
256
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,280
Ms. Wynette can be our mother.
257
00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:29,349
-Yeah.
-No, I can't.
258
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:31,251
You don't have to decide right now.
259
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:34,721
Take them on the road for a year.
Give them a try, free of charge.
260
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:37,724
Hey, what kind of manager are you?
261
00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:38,992
Yeah, Daddy.
262
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:41,795
You're fired. Bud, handle this.
263
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,835
Tammy, babe.
264
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,605
Let me put it to you this way.
265
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:55,041
You give my girls your best shot...
266
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:58,244
...and I'll give you my best shot.
267
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:02,749
But I thought you were dating
the desk clerk.
268
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,718
I read it in the Branson Bugle.
269
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:14,527
Damn you, Dad.
270
00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:18,431
Tammy, the colonel has a better idea.
Why don't you just take me?
271
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,935
I can't dance, sing, or play an
instrument, but how tough can that be?
272
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,970
Besides, I look great in this outfit.
273
00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:26,039
Forget it, forget it. The deal's off.
274
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,741
Oh, Lord, save me
from the wannabes.
275
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,643
Now, you can call us a lot of things.
276
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,913
You can call us worthless, lazy,
sloppy-- And that's just the wife.
277
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,315
Right.
278
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:38,651
But the one thing you can't call us
is wannabes.
279
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:41,087
We may not be
big country superstars...
280
00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:46,326
...with a big fancy house
or a car that runs or food or....
281
00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:49,562
Oh, my God, we don't have anything.
282
00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:51,264
Not true, son.
283
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:54,067
Lady, we have something
that you'll never have.
284
00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:58,037
What?
Worse foot odor than Boxcar Willie?
285
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,974
Okay two things.
The odor, of course...
286
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:04,444
...but more importantly,
the security of knowing...
287
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:09,048
...that we can never fail
because we never try.
288
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:17,323
You people are nuttier
than a pecan log at Stuckey's.
289
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:21,628
Now what do we do?
290
00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:23,963
I suppose you're going
to blame this on me.
291
00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:30,403
Excuse me, folks.
292
00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:35,174
Seeing as how you're no longer
on Miss Wynette's tab...
293
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:37,744
...how do you propose
to settle this bill?
294
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:53,393
Great vacation, Peg.
295
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:56,829
The highlight had to be begging
for gas on the corner...
296
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,432
...of Tony Orlando and Dawn.
297
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,467
Quit complaining.
298
00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:04,938
At least you didn't have to take
a canoe trip with the desk clerk.
299
00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:09,442
By the way, Bud,
I gave him our address.
300
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:11,244
Well, he said he wanted
to write you.
301
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:15,048
Well, as soon as someone
learns him his letters.
302
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:22,055
You know,
I thought it was great vacation.
303
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:25,358
I mean, we went to Branson
and told off Tammy Wynette.
304
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:29,062
It's kind of like going to Disneyland
and giving Mickey the finger.
305
00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:32,231
Al.
306
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:35,702
Get back here.
We're not finished yet.
307
00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:46,012
Yes, we are.
308
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:48,815
Hi.
309
00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:50,350
What you doing?
310
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,653
Oh, it's...
311
00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:57,223
...just a long, boring story.
312
00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:01,995
Does it end with,
"We're degenerate perverts"?
313
00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:05,598
Oh, so you've heard this one. Bye.
314
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:11,104
Hey, Mom, Dad, wait up. Wait--
315
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,605
Kelly!
23818
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