Original subtitles

[Laughter]

That's when Okay.

Um, well, I was thinking the interview

could be set up in a public space. Um,

what do you have in mind? Well, the idea

is I'm always being stared at when I'm

in public spaces. And basically,

everybody see you as like a clown, some

guy dressed in women's clothing. Mhm.

Well, let's say I'm maybe I'm in a

laundromat.

[Music]

And I mean, I'm just trying to do my

laundry, but somebody is just staring me

down. And you can feel the eyes burning

into you from

behind. And you know, part of me always

fantasized about just staring back and

going like, I see you staring at

me. I wonder if you would still stare at

me if you knew my whole story like from

the beginning. Actually, I think that

could be the beginning of the movie.

Yeah. All right, let's

begin. I used to live in a small fishing

town called Prospect in Nova Scotia.

[Music]

Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful

place, but it's really

[Music]

boring. Growing up there as a

kid. There's just nothing to

[Music]

do. But it was warm and comfortable and

simple.

[Music]

Well, back then I was just one of the

boys. But it seemed like already people

could tell that I was a bit different.

I remember at the time I was completely

oblivious to all of society's

expectations of me being a boy and all

that. I just didn't think about it at

all. I I just looked and acted the way

that felt normal to me. One memory that

really sticks out to me from my

childhood. I was dancing in the living

room to music videos with my

sisters and we were all dancing pretty

femininely and my dad walked in and he

was like, "No, no, no, no, Coop, you

don't do that part. You do the guy's

part." The guy's part in this music

video was

just

standing. That didn't look like much fun

to me. I'd rather shake it all

[Music]

around. When puberty hit, everything

changed.

If I were to explain

dysphoria, I would probably say that it

feels

like you are

trapped inside an outer

crust and it's just weighing you down.

There was this deep feeling inside me of

dread, like something bad was going to

[Music]

happen. Somehow I felt that the more

masculine I became,

the more panicked I

felt. And I was secretly fantasizing

about having boobs, too. So, that was

confusing.

Once I realized that what I was going to

was somehow linked to my body and my

appearance, I figured that I should

start doing research online.

And at first, I kind of just thought I

must have some sort of genetic disease

or disorder that was making me feel this

way because I knew that it was unusual

to feel so distant from your own body,

so at odds with your own physical

form. I began to realize I was looking

for a particular type of human, just a

girl with a penis. Can that exist? It

turns out it can in a genetic context,

but it can also exist completely outside

of that context. I mean, you're looking

at it

I remember when I first started

accepting my own

femininity. It was going against

everything I had learned up until that

point.

I guess I knew that I was a woman

because when I thought those words, it

felt more right than anything else I'd

ever said to myself in my own

head. Everything started to make sense.

I liked being referred to as a woman.

I liked to engage in feminine

activities. And I realized that this

whole time I had been prevented from

accessing these

things. Which makes me wonder how

different would my life have been if I

was allowed to access femininity from a

young age. I don't know if I would have

changed myself in any way. I don't think

I would have needed to.

My dad was mostly just concerned about

my

safety. Every day I'm afraid that

somebody is going to attack and kill me.

But I don't want that to happen. Not

because I don't want to die, but because

I don't want them to win.

Despite all of the threats and violence

and general stigma

surrounding transness in our society, I

still knew that this was the right way

to go. This was my path. It was as

though I had no choice at all. And even

though I knew it was going to be

difficult, nothing would have been more

difficult than not transitioning.

In Nova Scotia, the health system is

super

old-fashioned. First step, a social

worker has to validate if you feel

enough gender dysphoria.

Second step, the results of your test

are sent to an endocrinologist, which is

basically the most overqualified human I

could possibly be talking

to. The waiting list in Nova Scotia was

so long, it was driving me

insane. I figured by the time they

actually gave me the call and said,

"Okay, come on. Get your

hormones." By that point, I would be

gone.

[Music]

In the course of just one night, I

decided to get the heck out of Nova

Scotia and pack up all my things and

move to

[Music]

Montreal. I knew there was no time to

waste, so I basically sprinted to the

nearest sexual health clinic.

The doctor told me everything should go

fine. I would grow boobs. I would get

the hips and the butt. My skin would

change. I would even smell

different. But to my surprise, there was

one thing that would not change. My

voice.

Once the pitch of your voice is lowered

by testosterone, it can never come back

up again. So for me, that means my voice

could never go to a point where the

pitch is considered more feminine. So,

my options were either get surgery,

which is way too invasive and way too

expensive for me, or you can be the most

passable and the most beautiful

transgender girl in the whole wide

world, but your

voice sounds like this. You got to add

airflow to this sound. You got to make

it sound really breathy. Okay, so here I

am. I'm speaking and I'm just going to

slowly start to shift the vocal tract

resonances and I'm going to lower the

lyrics.

[Music]

Take that idea and bring the larynx

high.

[Music]

Hi, my name's

Cooper. Hi, my name's

Cooper. Hi, my name's Cooper. Hi, my Hi,

my name's Cooper. It Hi, my name's

Cooper. Hi, my name's Cooper. Hi, I'm

Cooper. It's nice to meet you. Hi, I'm

Cooper. It's nice to meet

you. Hi, I'm Cooper. It's nice to meet

you. Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Cooper.

It's easy

to

place the last

ever space.

only for the

moment. And I just don't even know

why I might be the last

nonsiver as big as the night.

And in the space of a moment, everything

became totally clear to

me. Everything else in my transition up

until that point had been about

accepting

myself. But changing my voice was the

opposite of that. It was paradoxical to

the rest of my transition.

I was changing my voice only for the

benefit of others because it's what I

thought I should do. Once I realized

this, I could finally start to heal.

I just

Well, I hope that clears some stuff up

for you. I really do hope you have a

good night.

[Music]

Oh, what have you got there, mister?

What is it? Give yourself another one,

bro.

Yay.

from Cooper. That's great. See, there

you go. It tastes like vanilla. Mhm.

[Music]

Yeah. No, I want to be Luke Skywalker.

Luke

Skywalker. It's Ellie Tummy. Look at his

pretty dress.

[Music]

What's that?

Can I see? Can I see in there? Hi. Say

hi, Cooper. Hi.

And I just don't even know why.

I might be the last known

survivor on an island as big as the

night.

[Music]