All language subtitles for Dirk.Gently-S01E00-Pilot

As I explained
when we spoke on the phone,

my methods of detection
are based

on an almost unswerving belief

in the fundamental
interconnectedness

of all things,

as anyone who follows the
principles of quantum mechanics

to their logical extremes
cannot help but accept.

Oh, it's lovely tea.

Thank you.

My methods
invariably necessitate

a variety of expenses

that, to the untrained eye,
may appear somewhat tangential.

I assure you these expenses
are essential and non-negotiable

and payable in advance,
naturally.

I see you're charging me for the
purchase of a new refrigerator.

I no longer have access
to my old refrigerator.

Whatever it takes,
Mr. Gently.

I just want you to find Henry
and bring him home again.

I can't tell you
how worried I am.

He's all I have.

This is what I do,
Mrs. Jordan.

It is, as the French say,
my raison d'être.

It would be useful
to have a recent photograph

for identification purposes.

Oh.

Oh.

This was taken last Christmas.

A hat rather suits him.

Mrs. Jordan... Dirk Gently.

I was wondering
if you'd be so good

as to provide me with your
neighbor's telephone number.

Hi.
This is Susan.

Leave a message
after the beep.

Pick up the phone.

Pick up the phone.

Rule one of housebreaking...

Never answer the phone when
you're in the middle of a job.

Who is this?

Rule two...
Preparation is everything.

Wear gloves, MacDuff.

Your fingerprints
will be all over the house!

How do you know my name?
Who is this?

Come over to the window.

Rule three... Never show
your face at the window.

Oh!

Dirk?

What are you doing here?

Well, unlike yourself, I'm
engaged in legitimate business.

Right, no, that's...
I'm not a burglar.

I'm... I live here.

With, uh...
with Susan Harmison.

She was at university with us.

Was she a great big fat girl
with a lazy eye?

No.
She's my girlfriend.

Susan. You remember.
This is her house.

You make a habit of stealing
from your girlfriends, MacDuff?

No, I'm not stealing.

That...
'Cause I wasn't in...

This is not a...
I sent her an e-mail.

so perfect!

You're such a cold, heartless,
smug bitch!

If she thinks her laptop
has been stolen,

then maybe I can
hack into her account

and delete the e-mail
before she reads it.

Oh, you'll have to let me know
if I can be of any assistance.

My fees
are almost ridiculously modest.

You're a detective.

Your neighbor, Mrs. Jordan,
has retained my services

to help locate her cat.

Right. Okay.

Yeah.
No, I heard he was missing.

You don't by any chance
know where he is, do you?

Have you looked
around the warehouse?

I haven't seen you
since we left university.

That is... incredible.

I suspect our meeting like this

will prove
to be more significant

than either of us
can possibly imagine.

Are you breaking in?

Should you be going in there?

Dirk?

Dirk?

What is this place?

Incorrect access code.

Security violation.

Operating station will explode
in 20 seconds.

- Explo... Did she...
-20...

She just said
this place will explode?

- Okay, that's...
-...16, 15...

We... Can we...
Can we get out, please?

- She's bluffing.
-...13, 12, 11...

Run!

9, 8, 7,

6, 5, 4,

3, 2, 1.

Aah!

Aah!

It's very good to see you again,
Richard MacDuff.

Whoa.

It was probably drug addicts.
Kids, you know?

Smacked out and cracked up
on crack and smack.

owned by electronics
entrepreneur Gordon Way.

The billionaire inventor

was reported missing
on Friday evening

and is now feared
to have died in the blast.

Inspector Gilks,
can you confirm

whether a body has been found?

Not at this time.

The fire service is still
searching the building.

What I can say is that

we are launching
a missing-persons inquiry.

So there will be
an announcement made...

What are you doing today?

Oh, don't... don't start
all that again.

I'm not starting anything.
I was just asking.

Well, don't just ask.

I don't care
that you haven't got a job.

I don't care that you sit
at home all day watching TV.

I don't even care that you've
stopped taking regular showers.

You can do whatever you want,
so long as it makes you happy.

But it obviously doesn't.

I'll see you tonight.

Hi. This is Gordon.
Please leave a message.

Gordon, it's Susan.

You were on the news.
They said you were missing.

What were you doing
at the warehouse

at the end of my street?

Just let me know you're okay.
Call me.

Did you hear the explosion?

No.
I was out last night.

Any sign of Henry?

No.

I've hired a detective
to find him.

Hi.

Looking for Dirk.
Is he... Is he in?

He might be.

Then again, he might not be.

Until he pays my wages,

his whereabouts
are no longer my concern.

Is that MacDuff?
Send him in.

Uh!

Give him this.

Did my assistant offer you tea?

Um...

I think you no longer
have an assistant.

Make yourself comfortable,
MacDuff.

I always wondered
what happened to you.

University said you'd been
expelled for cheating.

Yes, I understand that
was the official explanation.

I wouldn't choose
to believe it myself.

So, what exactly is
a holistic detective?

The term refers to my methods,
in that they are holistic,

and, in the proper sense
of the word, chaotic.

I operate by investigating the
fundamental interconnectedness

between all things.

Right.

Does that work?

Unquestionably.

The thing that most people
fail to appreciate

is that the connections
between cause and effect

is invariably
much more subtle and complex

than most people
would naturally suppose.

Take the circumstances
of our meeting last night...

the missing cat,
the exploding warehouse.

No doubt you're still clinging
to the misguided belief

that it was
all just a coincidence.

Well, it was, wasn't it?

And yet here you sit

with Miss Harmison's laptop
computer tucked under your arm,

which no doubt means
you require my assistance

in hacking into
her e-mail account.

Come with me, MacDuff.

Oh.

I only came back
to make sure you notice me

when I finally leave for good.

Perhaps you'd be so kind
as to place a stationery order.

I believe
we're out of Post-it notes.

Ah! My refrigerator.
Excellent.

Straight up to the top floor,
if you will.

Nice fridge.

My cleaner has padlocked
the fridge in my flat.

We're engaged in a standoff

from which neither of us
is prepared to back down.

It is the cold war writ small.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, is...

This is the same car
you drove at university.

The Princess has proved herself
a loyal and faithful servant.

Can't believe
you're still driving this thing.

I think you'll find all good
detectives drive classic cars.

I'm not sure
an Austin Leyland Princess

quite counts
as a classic, but, um...

So how on earth did you end up
becoming a private detective?

Have you heard of
Schrodinger's cat?

Should I have?

It's an experiment devised by
the eminent Dr. Schrodinger

to investigate probability.

I'm guessing it involves a cat.

Yeah.

You take said cat,
and you place it in a sealed box

along with a small lump
of radioactive material

and a phial
of mildly poisonous gas.

Within a given period of time,
there's an exactly 50-50 chance

that an atom in
the radioactive lump will decay

and emit an electron,

triggering the release
of the gas,

rendering the cat unconscious.

- Is that even ethical.
- Some would say not.

Anyhow, on one occasion,

Dr. Schrodinger
and his colleagues

opened the box and discovered

that the cat was neither
conscious nor unconscious

but was in fact...

completely missing.

I was called in to investigate.

I was quickly able to deduce

that the cat
had merely got fed up

with repeatedly being locked
in a box and occasionally gassed

and had taken
the first opportunity

to hoof it out the window.

Bernice.

Hey.

That was the cat's name.

Bernice came running

and was restored to the box
that very afternoon.

One thing led to another,
and it all culminated

in the thriving career
you see before you.

Gentleman needs to access his
girlfriend's e-mail account.

Give me 10 minutes.

Oh. No. Hey.
Where are you going?

Relax, MacDuff.
He's a professional.

He's a 10-year-old.

200 of your
cheapest cigarettes, please.

That'll be £50, my friend.

I seem to have left my wallet
at the office.

We'll offset the cost
against your account.

How much is this
actually gonna cost me?

Well, I'm surprised at you,
MacDuff.

What price would you place
on saving your relationship

from ending in a black sea
of acrimony and despair?

We'll be needing a newspaper
as well, MacDuff.

It transpires the exploding
warehouse we encountered

shortly after our meeting
is, in fact, the property

of the missing billionaire,
Gordon Way.

His car
was found parked outside.

Told you we shouldn't have
gone in there.

Yet, because we did,
we now know that Gordon Way

was not, in fact, inside
the warehouse when it exploded.

You think
we should talk to the police?

As any Irishman will tell you,
when things start exploding,

it's best to avoid the police
at all costs.

I took the liberty of updating
your virus protection.

It's connected
to the school's Wi-Fi.

You'll find your girlfriend's
e-mail account is already open.

Excellent work.

Hey, what you... Are you paying
him in cigarettes?

Surely we're all allowed
some pleasures, MacDuff.

Delete at will.

She hasn't read it.

Thank you.

I shall return to my office
so I can prepare your invoice.

There's an e-mail
from Gordon Way.

Why is Gordon Way
e-mailing Susan?

Presumably
it's for the same reason

that the missing billionaire

owns a warehouse
next door but one to her house.

Or would you also propose
to dismiss this

as a mere coincidence, MacDuff?

She's never said
that she knows him.

Don't you get it?

The circumstances
of our meeting,

the exploding warehouse,
Gordon Way's disappearance...

These are all part
of a web of events

connected by a common thread.

Discovering this thread
will unavoidably lead us

to determine the whereabouts
of Henry the cat.

I'm sorry, but is a missing cat

really the most important issue
right now?

It is the issue I have been
retained to investigate.

So from a professional
and, more importantly,

a financial point of view,
I'd have to say yes.

Yes, most definitely,
the cat is the issue.

Well, I'm not sure I want to
get involved in all this.

You are already involved,
MacDuff, and to a greater degree

than you can
possibly comprehend.

Are you not at all curious

as to why Gordon Way has been
e-mailing your girlfriend?

Of course I'm curious.

Then we must immerse ourselves
in Gordon's life

and rifle through its contents.

Now, it seems
a Dr. Gerstenberger

was the last person
to see Gordon Way.

We must track him down.

Right.
And how are we gonna do that?

Suppose we're gonna follow the
web of interconnected events.

Don't be ridiculous, MacDuff.

I'm gonna phone
directory inquiries.

Do you not find it
at all curious

that both Gordon Way
and Henry the cat

disappeared on the same day?

What, you think Gordon Way
is somehow involved with Henry?

I know nothing of Gordon Way's
sexual proclivities,

feline or otherwise.

Let us hope Dr. Gerstenberger

can shed some light
on the matter.

What are you doing?

You need to lie on the grass.

- What?
- Right here.

Place yourself on the grass
like this.

I'm not lying on the grass.

- Why not?
- Because I don't... I'm not.

Gordon Way was seeing
a therapist whose files,

if we can gain access to them,

I'm certain
will contain pertinent

or, at the very least,
gossip-worthy material.

Okay. What has that got to do
with me lying on the grass?

Do you wish to know the nature
of Gordon Way's intentions

towards your girlfriend or not?

Then I would kindly ask you to
prostrate yourself on the grass.

This is ridiculous.

Right.
Now, don't move.

Not a single muscle,
understood?

What am I doing?

No one knows who I am!

Do you know who I am?
Do you know me?

No, uh...

Do you?

I'm right here!

Gerstenberger!

- Where are you, Gerstenberger?!
- You can't go in there.

They don't know who I am.
They don't have any idea!

You... You, of all people.
Tell me you know who I am!

Are you a patient?

He doesn't know who I am!

I'm sorry.
He just burst in.

This is my face!

It's okay.
I can handle this.

It's fine.
Just close the door.

Why don't you start
by telling me your name?

Oh, the time for names
has come and gone

and come and gone again.

Names no longer matter.

What are you doing?

- Don't!
- Goodbye, cruel world!

No!

Call an ambulance!

Jesus, no.

Hello.

Who the hell are you?

No one.

Okay.

Have a nice day.

Oh, what is up
with these gears?

It's like
playing Russian roulette.

Anything interesting?

There's no reference
to any inappropriate feelings

toward cats...

or, indeed, any other animals.

It would appear any feelings
of a sexual nature

Gordon Way may have had

were exclusively directed
towards your girlfriend.

He mentioned Susan?
What does it say?

A brief
but illuminating extract...

"The patient
is obsessively fixated"

on a Miss Susan Harmison,

with whom he had a relationship
at university.

The relationship ended in 1994,

but the patient
remains consumed

"by overwhelming feelings
of loss and regret."

Wait, she went out
with Gordon Way?

She's... She's never
even mentioned him.

Oh, they met at a hotel
last week.

Might I suggest
we adjourn to the pub?

He is completely obsessed
with her.

Do you think
she's sleeping with him?

We must consider the facts.

They have
been meeting illicitly.

Miss Harmison has lied to you
about said liaisons.

Gordon Way is a billionaire.

Even as
a confirmed heterosexual,

I'd have to say he's
an extremely attractive man.

You, on the other hand...

You look like him.

Thanks.

Makes me feel so much better.

Perhaps it would be productive

if I were to speak
to Miss Harmison.

No, Dirk.

No.

Thought she might be
of some assistance

in helping discover the
whereabouts of Henry the cat.

I'm sorry, I just... I can't
believe this is happening, Dirk.

As much as I'd like to stay
and help you drown your sorrows,

I have some errands to run.

Your friend said
you'd pay for the drinks.

The next patient is on
their way to you, Dr. Harmison.

And what can I do for you?

Susan.
Susan Harmison.

It's Dirk Gently.
We were at university together.

Oh, my God.

What an amazing coincidence.

I thought you were dead.

I understand that rumor
was popular in certain circles.

So, what can I do for you?

Um...

Oh, well, I seem to have
developed a slight twinge

in my shoulder.

I see.

If you could just lower
your trousers and pants.

You... You understand the...
the twinge is in my shoulder?

That's the thing
with the human body...

Everything's connected.

Right.

Place your hands on the bed.

Okay.

Uh, I thought you might be here
to talk to me about Ruth's cat.

Yeah, she told me
that she'd hired you.

I couldn't believe
it was actually you.

Well, I take it
that that's why you're here?

Oh, yeah, I'll just...

Dirk, I have a waiting room
full of patients.

I don't have time
for your bullshit.

I was hoping I might talk to you
about... Gordon Way.

Did you ever see
Henry and Gordon together?

Henry's a cat.

What on earth
would they be doing together?

That's what I'm hoping
to find out.

May I ask what happened
when you saw Gordon last week?

He asked me to marry him.

Marry me.

He's been asking me
every couple of years

since we left university.

And your response
to his heartfelt proposal?

I said what I've always said.

We had our chance,
and you blew it.

How did he take it?

Not well.
He never did.

The night I said I'd meet you,
I should have been there.

What night was he referring to?

It was the night we split up.

Even back then,

Gordon was obsessed
with computers and technology.

He didn't have time
in his life for me.

¶ Baby, if you've
got to... ¶

If you're not at my house
at 8:00, it's over,

we're finished.

I'll be there.

I promise.

Am I to understand
that he didn't show up?

He made up
some ridiculous story

about how he was on his way to
see me when he was hit by a car.

Yeah, there was
always some excuse.

I have on occasion
used that one myself.

Well, I was too angry
to forgive him.

You know what you're like
at that age.

It was my birthday.

So you'll remember
the exact date?

It was, uh,
third year of university,

so it will have been
the 5th of December, 1994.

And where was Gordon
supposed to meet you?

I was...
I was living with my parents.

I live there now.
Moved back after my dad died.

Next door but one
to the warehouse.

Did you know
Gordon owned the warehouse?

No.

No, he never told me.
What was he using it for?

Perhaps one can see into
your bathroom from its roof.

Here you are, Mr. Gently.

Tea. Excellent.

Lovely photograph
of you and Henry, Mrs. Jordan.

Oh, that's not Henry.
That's George.

I said I wouldn't get
another cat when George died.

One day
I was passing a pet shop,

and I saw the sweetest
little kitten in the window.

He reminded me so of George,
I couldn't resist.

And that was Henry?

Yes.

Is anything wrong,
Mrs. Jordan?

Oh, yes...
It's just my medication.

Well, I... I sincerely hope

it's nothing
that will impede you in any way

before this case is brought
to a satisfactory conclusion...

the i's dotted, the t's crossed,
and the...

invoice paid.

I believe I still have some life
left in me, Mr. Gently.

Well, most deliriously happy
to hear that, Mrs. Jordan.

So may I ask how it was
that George came into your life?

Oh.

One day he just came
running into the house.

Ah!
Where did you come from?

I put up posters
and asked all the neighbors.

Oh!

I never found his owners.

He seemed happy here,
so I kept him.

He was with me until 2006,

and he's buried under the
rose bush in the back garden.

So, uh, when was this
that George appeared?

Well, I can
probably tell you the date.

May I inquire as to the identity
of the gentleman

with the bouffant mustache?

Oh, that was my husband, Harry.

I take it he is,
sadly, no longer with us?

I have no idea.

He walked out on me soon after
that photograph was taken.

I find men with mustaches

to be particularly
dishonorable beings.

Hitler and Tom Selleck
being cases in point.

This was taken the day
he came into the house...

5th of December, 1994.

The same date
Susan and Gordon split up.

Interesting.

Um...

Did you ever happen to see
this gentleman

coming and going
from the warehouse next door?

Uh, no, I've...
I've never seen him before.

You said he knows Susan?

Susan and Gordon Way

were involved with each other
at university.

You think he has something to do
with Henry going missing?

I would have to say yes,

in that every particle
in the universe affects,

however faintly and obliquely,
every other particle.

I find this
to be particularly true

when those particles are
arranged in the form of a cat.

May I?

Oh.
Oh, yes, of course.

So how's Gordon Way?

Have you seen him lately?

Yes.

And how was the hotel?
Was that nice?

Comfy beds?
Monsoon shower?

We had coffee.

Right, you had coffee.

Meaning you had "coffee"?

I mean, we had coffee.

Okay. Just coffee.
Like milk-and-two-sugars coffee?

Little Amaretti biscuit?

Have you been talking to Dirk?

Have you been talking to Dirk?

Are you sleeping
with Gordon Way?

Is that what you think of me?

Just answer
the bloody question.

I have tried to make you happy.

I've... I've tried.

I have really tried, but...

I don't know
what you want from me.

I need a reason
for us to be together.

No, don't... You don't get to
blame me for this, okay?

You don't end this.
I do.

You should know
I sent you an e-mail.

Cold, heartless, smug bitch!

I got in first.
I ended this. Me.

Can you just go, please?

Please, just go.

Detective Inspector Gilks.

What a pleasant
and unexpected surprise.

Why are you
even in the vicinity

of one of my crime scenes,
Gently?

And think very carefully
before you answer because...

if you so much as mention

the interconnectedness
of all things,

I'll have you arrested
under the antiterror laws.

Actually,
I'm looking for a cat.

So me and Susan...

It's all over.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that,
MacDuff.

You'll find ice
in the freezer compartment.

Oh.

She said nothing at all happened
between her and Gordon Way.

I'm supposed to believe that.

You should believe it, MacDuff.

The hotel manager has confirmed

Miss Harmison's
account of events.

She met Gordon Way
in the restaurant.

He had a cappuccino,
Miss Harmison a latte.

They had a brief conversation
and went their separate ways.

But I-I...
I accused her of cheating.

Ah, to the contrary, MacDuff.

I am led to believe
Miss Harmison

has repeatedly rejected
Gordon Way's advances.

She's a keeper, MacDuff.

I am such a screw-up.

Oh, come on, MacDuff. Buck up.
Things can't be that bad.

I'm single, I'm homeless,
I'm unemployed...

You're unemployed?
Really?

I had assumed
you were a veterinarian.

I was a business analyst
for a power company.

I was made redundant
six months ago.

That's a perfect example
of interconnectedness.

You see,
a clinically obese American

fails to pay his mortgage,
the ripples cross the ocean,

and you are cast
onto the slag heap

of the long-term unemployed.

Is all that meant
to make me feel better?

- How are you managing?
- Hmm?

I mean... financially.

There was a very generous
redundancy package.

Was there?

- Yeah.
- Mm.

Mm.

Well, MacDuff, we must insure
you do not fritter it away

on some indulgent whim.

See you've been busy.

Yeah,
it's a chronological timeline

of all salient events
and occurrences.

We must look for the solution
in the connection between them.

Do you remember
what you were doing

on the 5th of December, 1994?

Not a clue.

I don't know, do I?
1994?

I suppose
I would have been at university.

Richard MacDuff.

Yes?

When a series
of highly peculiar events occur

surrounding a particular person,

we must consider the possibility
that this person

is, in fact, the connection.

I believe you, MacDuff, hold the
key to finding Henry the cat!

Me?

I would suggest you allow me
to hypnotize you.

You think I'm gonna let you
hypnotize me?

I'm not some
gullible old woman, Gently.

You're not gonna con me
into buying you a new fridge.

I already have a fridge.
I've no need of another.

What can you possibly hope
to uncover?

I believe you hold
vital information

behind the locked door
of your unconsciousness.

We need to smash the door open
and retrieve it.

I don't trust hypnosis.
You could make me do anything.

Oh, get a grip, MacDuff!

This isn't freshers' week
at the students' union!

I'm not gonna make you
dance around like Elvis

and have sex with a watermelon!

Are you not at all curious
as to the sequence of events

that led you
to your present nadir?!

How does it all work?

Relax your body.

Keep looking at the spoon.

You are feeling sleepy.

I'm not gonna...

It's the 5th of December, 1994.

What's your most vivid memory
from that day?

I'm shouting at someone.

It was you, Dirk.

It was you. You told me
you were clairvoyant.

Said you could predict
all the questions in the exam.

Every one was wrong.

Dirk!

I want my money back, Dirk.
I want my money back.

Dirk... Stop the car, Dirk.
Stop the car!

Unh!

It was Gordon Way.
You reversed into him.

Did I?

Don't just stand there, MacDuff.
Help the man.

Open your mind, MacDuff.

When you come 'round,

you will disregard your doubts,

seeing it as a sensible and
lucrative business opportunity.

It was Gordon Way.

You reversed into him.

I believe you can still see
the dent in the Princess.

That Gordon was carrying flowers
would suggest

that he was, in fact,
on his way to meeting Susan.

It appears
we have two key dates...

the 5th of December, 1994,

and the 29th of October, 2010.

That's it.

Of course.

Of course that's what you'd do.

What?

You know where he is?

Why did nothing change?

Something...
Something went wrong.

A cat appears.
A husband disappears.

Do you mind telling me
what's going on?

You know, we make a good team,
MacDuff.

Do we?

The way we bounce ideas
off one another.

We're like a single amorphous
organism but with two brains.

Yeah, except one brain

doesn't want to tell
the other brain what's going on.

I've been looking
for someone like you.

Someone with
a raw natural talent.

You should think about
coming into business with me.

That's not a bad idea.

Gently and MacDuff.

Think about it.

But first
I need you to phone Susan.

Find out if she knows anything
about Mrs. Jordan's husband.

No, no, no, I can't.
I can't.

I accused her of cheating.

If you are to become
my business partner, MacDuff,

you've got to start showing
some backbone!

Hello?

Susan, it's me.

Listen, don't... don't hang up.
It's important.

Um, I'm with Dirk.

I need to ask you about Ruth.

Do you remember her husband?

Big bouffant mustache.

Right.

Okay, do you know
what happened to him?

He walked out on Ruth
years ago.

Look, I'm on my way 'round
to see her.

I'll get her to call Dirk.

Is that it?

Yeah.

That may have been
a good opportunity

to say something to the girl.

She doesn't know anything.

She's... She's on her way 'round
to Ruth's.

She's gonna
get her to call you.

She's going to see
Mrs. Jordan?

Yeah. What?

I fear Susan may be
in grave danger.

What, from little old Ruth?

Well, perhaps "grave"
is pushing it.

I fear Susan may be in an
indeterminate amount of danger.

- That's still dangerous.
- Indeterminately so.

Come on, you beautiful bitch!

He's so unhappy.

But...

he won't talk about it.

I think he blames me
for losing his job.

Men can be pricks.

I really miss him.

Oh, uh, Richard called me
just before I came 'round.

Dirk was asking
about your husband.

Why was he asking about Harry?

God knows.

I know it's none
of my business, but...

Dirk's a con man.

He always has been.

Mr. Gently tells me

you were involved
with Gordon Way at university.

I read about him
in the newspaper.

Mm.

He's missing.

Is everything all right, Ruth?

I'll go.

Are you okay?

Why shouldn't I be?

Well...

Not... Not...
Not really sure.

Mrs. Jordan, I believe
I've established the whereabouts

of Henry the cat.

Anytime you're ready, Dirk.

Five sugars, Mrs. Jordan,
thank you.

Let me take you back to 1994.

A momentous year.

Nelson Mandela was elected
president of South Africa.

The Channel Tunnel opened.

East 17 were riding high
in the charts.

East 17?

A series of events
was to unfold

that would dramatically alter
the lives

of every single person
in this room.

The 5th of December
of that year.

Gordon Way is hurrying

to meet his then girlfriend,
Miss Harmison,

when he is, unfortunately,

prevented from reaching
his destination.

Because Dirk reversed his car
into him.

Stop the car!

It was true.

Your subsequent rejection
was a cruel and devastating blow

from which Gordon
never fully recovered.

So he set about
building a time machine.

In the warehouse next door.

Myself and MacDuff
stumbled across it,

and the time machine
was no more.

A time machine?

Heh!

Oh, this is crap.

Please don't tell me
you believe this.

As you repeatedly told Gordon
over the years,

traveling back in time

represented his only chance
of winning you back.

We had our chance,
and you blew it.

It's too late.

You are actually insane,
aren't you?

Am I?

On the 29th of October
of this year,

Gordon Way prepared
to travel back in time.

Sequence initiated.

But Gordon
wasn't alone in the warehouse.

He had company!
Henry.

You think Henry may have

traveled through time,
Mr. Gently?

Indeed I do, Mrs. Jordan.

And I believe time travel
must be terrifying

and disorientating,
particularly for a cat.

When Henry reappeared
on the timeline in 1994,

it's only natural he'd head
for somewhere he felt safe.

He ran home.

Oh!

Ah!
Where did you come from?

You think that was Henry?

That is,
until you renamed him George.

It was the same cat?

Dirk, this isn't funny.

He's making it up.

No.

They were so alike,
their mannerisms, in every way.

They were the same cat.

- I'm sure they were.
- Ruth, no.

Henry isn't missing.

He never was.

He's always been here with you.

Henry was born in 2007,

and he died in 2006.

He had 14 happy years
in between.

Henry's under the rosebush
in the back garden

exactly where you buried him.

I couldn't bear the thought

of him out there
somewhere on his own.

I can't tell you
how much this means to me.

Thank you, Mr. Gently.

Oh, you are so welcome.

I believe you'll find
the bill for my services

distressingly modest.

Don't you dare.

Ruth, I'm sorry.
He's lying.

Oh, I believe him.

- Let me find my checkbook.
- Okay.

I am curious
about one thing, Mrs. Jordan.

What caused you
to murder your husband?

You're leaving.
You're mentally deranged.

He was an abusive,
unpleasant bastard, Mr. Gently.

And on this particular occasion,

he was an abusive,
unpleasant bastard to George.

Or... Or should I
call him Henry?

Whichever he was.

He was mean to my cat.

Come here, you little shit.

Oh, yeah.

Yes.

Probably crawling
with fleas, yeah.

Don't you dare hurt him!

Let him go, Harry!

Let him go!

Of course, at this moment,

Gordon was hurrying
to Susan's house.

¶ ...you are sleeping ¶

¶ And hold your hand ¶

¶ Don't understand
what's going on ¶

Is everything okay?

¶ ...return to haunt me ¶

¶ Though it's for you
all that I do ¶

¶ Seems to be wrong ¶

Is he...

I... I panicked.

I... I didn't mean
to kill him.

When you showed me
the photograph

of Gordon Way in the newspaper,
I couldn't believe my eyes.

Oh, I must have missed that.

So it appears
we have established

the final resting place
of Gordon Way,

for which, no doubt,
I won't be rewarded.

Ruth,
it can't have been Gordon.

It... It can't.

You must be confused.
It's impossible.

Oh.

Susan has a point,
Mr. Gently.

I doubt anybody
would believe it.

You can't prove any of this.

And besides,
all of you will soon be dead.

Your tea is laced
with a cocktail

of paracetamol, sleeping pills,
and beta-blockers.

Extremely lethal,
I would imagine.

- Oh, my God.
- Ruth, how could you?

I have no intention
of seeing out my days in prison.

We need to get to a hospital.

We should take Susan's car.

Ho ho!
Ye of little faith, MacDuff!

Oh!

I'm sorry.

I know you weren't sleeping
with Gordon Way.

I should have trusted you.

It's not you. It's me.
It's confidence.

I couldn't imagine
why someone like you

would want to be with me,
and you're everything.

And if we get through this,
I will fix it. I will.

I'll get a job, I'll stop being
so bloody miserable,

and I'll... I'll take a shower
every day, twice a day.

And I won't leave
my pants everywhere.

Gilks, it's Dirk Gently.

I want to report
a most heinous crime.

I have been poisoned!

It's no laughing matter, Gilks.

A devious, evil bitch!
That's who did it!

We've completed
a full range of tox screens.

We couldn't find any trace
of any drugs of any kind.

Why did you think
you'd been poisoned?

Let them in.

Jesus, no.

Is this your
"devious, evil bitch," Gently?

Apparently not, as in
we weren't, in fact, poisoned.

Well, it's clearly an overdose.

Do you want to tell me why she
might want to take her own life?

Uh, whatever her reasons were,

I was not privy to them.

You did this.

You told her
that Henry wasn't coming back.

He was all she had to live for.

I believe I told her
Henry was already back.

That is crap, and you know it.

Who's Henry?

Oh, he was her cat.

She was lonely and vulnerable,

and you exploited her,
you heartless shit.

My explanation of events
may to you seem...

You really have a way
with people, don't you, Gently?

D-Did the deceased by any chance
leave a check for me?

Get out.

- Have you looked?
- Uh!

- All right.
- Out. Uh!

I'm going.

I know this sounds
a little bit left field,

but, um, I'm excited.

I've got a really, really...
I've got a good feeling.

I've invested
my redundancy money

into Dirk's detective agency.

Now, I've negotiated
a really good deal.

The agency
makes a healthy profit.

Dirk drives a 30-year-old
Austin Leyland Princess.

Yeah, no... But, no,
he's showed me the accounts.

He showed you some bits of paper
with numbers written on,

and you gave him 20 grand.

Are you out of your mind?

No, it... it seemed like a...
It's a good idea.

He suggested it
right after he hypnotized me.

And I-I...

Dirk hypnotized you,

and you suddenly think
it's a great idea

to go into business with him?

Oh, my God.

I'm not saying any more.
It's your money.

I'm going next door
to sort out Ruth's things.

Oh.

Janice, hello.
It's Richard MacDuff.

Is Dirk there?

What do you mean
he's out the country?

Gordon, it's Susan.
You were on the news.

They said you were missing.

What were you doing
at the warehouse

at the end of my street?

Just let me know you're okay.
Call me.

¶ Baby,
if you've got to go away ¶

¶ Don't think
I can take the pain ¶

¶ Won't you stay
another day? ¶

¶ Oh, don't leave me alone
like this ¶

¶ Don't you say
it's the final kiss ¶

¶ Oh, won't you stay
another day? ¶

¶ Don't you know
we've come... ¶

No, his name is Dirk Gently.
He's a guest at the hotel.

Hello?

Dirk?
Dirk, it's Richard.

Um, yeah.

No, look, I've changed my mind
about investing in the agency.

I want my money back.

I'm afraid
that won't be possible,

on account that the money
is no longer in my possession.

What, none of it?
What?

Expenses?
What expenses?

A most intriguing case,
MacDuff.

Um, I have plotted
and triangulated the vectors

of all the various events
and occurrences

and traced them to
a five-star hotel in Barbados.