Original subtitles

Bullying.

Bullying.

Bullying.

Not a word we want to hear at this school.

Stop saying it, then.

We have a new boy at Greybridge who had to leave his last school because of a

problem with bullying.

I'm not going to mention any names. All I'm going to say is this boy happens to

be disabled.

I wonder who it is, miss.

I said mentioning no names, Dean.

So, I would like you all to stand up and... Not you, Dean. And shout out,

stand up to bullies.

Stand up to bullies. I can't hear you. It was quite loud enough, thank you,

Mr... Poston.

It's the kind of bullying, pretending not to know someone's name.

Oh, shut up.

Now, this week marks quite an anniversary.

Our beloved head of science, Mr.

Hubble, is celebrating an incredible 40 years at Greybridge.

To commemorate this huge milestone, we'd like to present you with this Parker

pen.

Mr. Hubble, would you like to say a few words?

May I just add my hearty congratulations to Mr. Hubble, a true friend and a

wonderful colleague with an unrivaled collection of Victorian erotica.

I will make sure that he gets this with all our thanks.

For he's a jolly good fellow.

For he's a jolly good fellow.

For he's a jolly good fellow.

Thank you, Mr.

Hubble. Thank you.

You can all go now.

It means goodbye, clumps.

Dean, can I have a quick word with you?

What is it? Are you stopping me for speeding?

Oh!

Oh,

that is... that is wonderful.

It's wonderful the way you can just laugh at your... at your... this.

How is your first day at Greybridge?

Magical. It's like Hogwarts.

Seriously, though, are you being bullied?

No. Sure?

Yeah. Positive?

Yeah. Little bit? No.

Tiny bit? Should I have been bullied? No.

No, no. I mean, look, all kinds of kids get bullied at school. I mean, it's

difficult to believe I know, but even I was bullied when I was at school.

Yeah, I can believe that.

Well, it's quite difficult to believe, isn't it? Not really. You are a ginger.

They didn't bully me for that. Was it your cankles? Don't actually have

cankles. There is a clear distinction between my ankles and my calves.

But this isn't about me.

Ah, I've got it. Was it because you cut your own fringe?

I actually get my hair cut at Tony and Guy, so you're wrong.

And you are late for your next lesson.

And I was bullied for being too beautiful.

You're right. It is hard to believe.

I just had a query about Mr.

Hubble's present fund.

I'm sorry, what was that? I had a query about Mr. Hubble's present fund.

Please take your hands off my chairs.

What about it? Well, I collected £162.50. Mmm.

Wonderful coffee.

And I just called Ryman's, and that particular Parker pen retails at £9.99.

The engraving was very expensive.

It just says Parker on it. Where is this going, Mr Church?

Well, just that by my rough calculation, that leaves 152 pounds and 51 pence on

account.

Roughly the price of an espresso machine.

I'm sorry, I didn't catch a word of that.

Will that be all?

No. There was just one tiny thing.

Go on. Well, I just wondered if this extraordinary 40 years of the school

marked a good time for, well, for Mr. Hubble to, well, to...

Spit it out, man.

Hang up his lab coat for good.

Mr. Church, for the last time, I'm not making you head of science. But he's not

with it anymore. Mr. Hubble is perfectly capable.

Yesterday, I found him in the chemistry storeroom eating a sponge.

Goodbye, Mr. Church.

He put pate on it, but it was still a sponge.

Don't mind me, Mr. Hubble. I'll just tidy around you.

Lovely pair on that, the parka.

I had a super collection of bigs. Every colour of the rainbow.

The ex-wife's got them now.

Anyway, I do enjoy our little chats.

See you on Monday.

You have a nice weekend now.

This will not be tolerated.

If I had my way, anyone failing to return a library book on time would be

tasered.

These books are the property of the school. Churchy, he's knotted off again.

Mr. Hubble.

Mr. Hubble.

He's cold.

He snuffed it.

He must have been here all weekend.

I'll get up and say something. Maybe we'll get the day off. No, no, no.

The children mustn't know. They'll be...

Mr. Church, do you have something to share with the rest of us?

Oh, no, no, no, no, headmistress.

Just enjoying a joke with Mr. Hubble. Keep it down, you.

Don't push him on me. It's chemistry. It's your department.

At the weekend, our year 10 football team scored a goal.

Unfortunately, they let in nine.

I suppose we ought to give them a round of applause.

Thank you.

Right, you can go.

Catch him at your church.

Wait.

They can't just leave him here.

Mr. Hubble, I can't make Science Fun Club today. Oh, he will be disappointed.

Is he okay, sir?

Yes, yes, he's fine.

You're okay, aren't you?

Do the voice.

I can't. Do the voice.

Yes, yes, I'm fine, thank you.

He's not spotted. I panicked.

Yes, well, run along now, Nisha.

Goodbye, Nisha.

Consistency. Do you know what I used to do to bullies? I would smack them and

then take away their lunch money.

Sadly, one can't do that anymore.

I rushed straight here, Headmistress.

Nicholas, I thought better of you. What have I been saying in assembly about

bullying? No, I don't want to hear your excuses.

Just because Dean is... Short-sighted? No.

Just because Dean is... Wheating someone?

No. Just because Dean is... A quarter Belgian.

No, just because Dean is... Oh, do be quiet, woman. It's Dean that's the

bully. Dean?

Well, what have you been doing?

Tipex is very good for sunny times.

Why? It got cold outside.

Well, I hope it wasn't school, Tipex.

We're on an economy drive.

Well, I just don't understand.

This is appalling behaviour.

Well, what do you expect from this boy? I told you he had to leave his last

school because of bullying. Yes, but I thought he was the one being bullied.

Duh.

Nicholas, you can leave now. What am I supposed to do about this? Don't worry

about it. It'll flake off in a week or so.

Thanks. And don't touch the door handle.

Well, I am shocked.

Now, please, whatever you do, don't sit down.

Expelled for bullying.

How many times do you need to be told? About four or five.

Well, perhaps I should expel you from Greybridge.

Not asked.

No. No.

Look, please don't expel Dean.

You know how good I am with problem kids.

I can turn him around.

I just need a little bit of one-to-one time.

Well, that sounds like punishment enough.

You can both leave now.

Come on, buddy.

Let's you and me go and have a good old chat.

Is it too late for you to just expel me at all?

Where are we taking it?

Lost property cupboard.

No, no, no, no. No, it's no room.

I've got my own blue key in there.

Bill, quick, quick, quick. Bill, here.

He shouldn't be in here.

Don't worry, Cincy.

Hello,

Joe.

You'll be needing this.

Might want to lock the door next time.

Sorry, Mr. Hubble.

It's not like he can hear you.

All right?

Oh, hello, caretaker.

Still asleep, is he? I hate to break this to you, but I have some rather

upsetting news.

He's... He's dead.

Oh.

Oh, no.

He was so young.

Mind you, I did think it was odd, because he'd been asleep in the assembly

hall since Friday, and that's what.

48 hours. No, that would be two days. Three days is 74 hours. No, no, no, no,

no, no. No, it's more like 88.

It's 24 times three, which is... All right, look, half of 24 is 12. One

twelfth is 12. Two twelfths... It's quicker if I use a calculator.

I was nearly there.

72. Right, so you're wrong, Churchy.

Well, what did you say?

88. And you? 48.

Well, I was the closest. Still wrong, though. Yeah, but least wrong or most

right. So Mr. Hubble has been dead for 72 hours.

Still, at least he put a lovely shine on the floor.

What have you got in that pen?

That's a Parker pen, that is.

That is the king of pens. That's a ten-pound pen.

That's a lace pen.

Will you show some respect? Yes.

Both of you.

So, what are you going to do with him? We're not sure.

Don't want to frighten the kid, is it, see? Care take for the rescue.

I got just the place.

There we go. Is it all right to put him in there?

Yes.

The bin men are coming tomorrow.

You can't leave him out for the bin men. We've got to call a doctor.

There's not much hope for him now, is there? You imbecile. A doctor has got to

pronounce him dead.

What can do that?

He's dead.

Shall I call an ambulance?

I forget the number. It's 99 something.

No, no, no. If the children see an ambulance, it'll all become a circus.

Why don't I just get them to the doctors?

Well, how are you going to do that?

Easy. I'll use the company car.

So, thank you so much for helping us with this, Luke. No diggity.

This is something you call rap therapy.

Yeah, rapathy.

God help us. It's a way of channelling anger. Life sucks.

And sometimes you just want to... You all right?

Yeah, thanks.

This one time, my sister, Helen, we had an argument.

A biggie.

And she flushed one of my Mighty Morphin Power Rangers down the toilet.

And I was so...

angry. I just got in the car and I just drove.

And I thought about all the ways that I could get rid of this anger.

Kick her in the knee.

Burn all her clothes.

Yank her hair out until she was bald. Well, we don't need the whole list.

Okay. But instead of doing any of that, I just started rapping.

Rapathy. Rap-a-thy.

Rapathy. Rap.

I see. Shall we just get on with it?

Yeah, so we're just going to do some freestyling.

I'll start us off, then you, then Dino. This guy. Big D.

This fella. Double D. There he is. Snoop Doggy D. Woo!

D. Dino.

When I get angry, I get real mad.

Makes me feel like I'll do something bad.

But just before I'm about to snap, I get on the mic and I do a big rap.

Aaron make me angry, make me scream and shout.

She forgets my name. What's that all about?

But instead of punching her repeatedly in the face, I pick up my mic and I rap

all over the place.

I'm rapping.

Oh yeah, I'm rapping.

Can I be honest?

Yeah, rap your...

Your rapping is making me want to hit somebody.

Dead? It's three days, which is 72 hours.

He was stiff as a board, but still clutching that cheap pen. It was a £160

pen. So you keep saying, enjoying your espresso?

This thing here makes frothy milk, so I'm actually having a cappuccino. Oh,

how wonderful for you. I was very close to him.

No, you weren't. Yes, I was.

Which is why I'm going to need the rest of the week off to get over his untimely

passing. If you were so close to Mr Hubbell, what was his first name?

Dave. Pete.

Bezza. What Pais?

Muhammad? No. It was John.

I said that already, didn't I? It was very sad for John Hubble. That was his

name, John. And do you know the worst part, headmistress? What? The school no

longer has a head of science.

Oh, that didn't take you long, did it? And his body's not even... Where is his

body?

Thank you.

John Hubble.

That's the name his friends used.

It wasn't Baz or Baza or, indeed, Muhammad.

It was John. John Hubble died on the very day he celebrated 40 years at

Greybridge. This momentous occasion was commemorated with the gift of a pen, a

Parker pen, that both Rymans and W.H. Smith sold for the recommended retail

price... of £9.99.

Sadly, his heart stopped beating.

Whether it was the excitement of the day or the disappointment at receiving such

an unremarkable pen, we'll never know.

He leaves behind not only his father and mother, but he also leaves a hole in the

hearts of us all.

But more importantly, he leaves a vacancy in the role of head of science.

Nothing's been announced yet, but...

Thank you, Mr. Church.

Thank you. Please remain seated while the choir sing Amazing Grace.

Well done for holding it together.

Thank you.

Trevor's taking it very badly, though.

Can't bear to watch this anymore.

What's the score?

Eh? What's the score?

It's 1-0.

Oh,

no, no, thank you. And I'm sorry to say that this row was actually reserved for

teaching staff only.

Oh.

Right, well... I know my place.

If you fancy us some more, I'll be at the back.

Call upon... Sorry, is somebody eating crisps at the back?

Go away, Vickis. Just the pot we're done.

And I now call upon Margaret Barron, headmistress at Great Bridge School, to

lead us in prayer.

Get in there!

Let us pray.

Dear Lord...

We give thanks for the life of our friend our colleague John Hubble

a Light has gone out at the school Forever, but we know a

light has gone on in heaven. May you rest in peace Amen

Thank you for those wonderful words miss Barron

Let us all sing the hymn, Abide With Me.

Stop it!

Stop it!

I said stop it!

Dean, stop it.

I'm just making sure he keeps in time.

Dean, what have we been talking about all week?

That you should really use a ruler when cutting your own fringe.

I've had just about enough of you. You are a bully. Do you hear me? A bully.

And people like you shouldn't be allowed to come to school.

Oh, poor disabled boy.

No. No, no, I wasn't... I wasn't talking about him being... I'm not saying

because he's... You know, I'm talking about him being...

Please don't attack an unfortunate boy like myself.

Dean. In the house of our Lord and Saviour.

Oh, for God's sake! Have you quite finished?

Yeah. You sure?

Yeah.

Just so you know, though, he was actually being... You don't want to hear

it. If you hadn't noticed, this is a funeral.

I had noticed.

coffin, flowers, bit of a giveaway. There's no need to answer back. No,

there's no need to answer back.

So... Do you want me to send you out?

No. You sure?

Yeah.

So not another word out of you.

Not a problem.

Now, before we... Just so you know, he was actually being... Get out.

What? Get out.

I'm not joking. I'm not joking. Get out.

I don't even care.

No? I don't care.

No, I don't care.

Can I just stand here? All the way out.

It's a rubbish church.

Now, before we commit John Hubble's body to the ground, let us remember him with

his favourite piece of music, sung by his beloved lab technician, Joe.

Ready, Joe?

Good.

For me, the most moving part was Joe singing Ave Maria.

I think you'd left by then.

You haven't really come here to talk about Mr. Hubble's funeral, have you?

I have.

Well, thank you very much, Mr. Church. It's been wonderful talking to you.

Goodbye.

Oh, there was just one other thing. Here we go.

It's about the now sadly vacant position.

of head of science. This is getting really tiresome. Why does it matter so

much to you, Mr Church? I just feel if I was made head of department, I could

really inspire the next generation of chemists.

Plus, you get to sit at a special table at lunch.

Well, you'll be glad to hear I'll be making an announcement at this morning's

assembly. Oh.

It's wrong to ask who's got the top job, but should I prepare a speech or...? All

will be clear in assembly, Mr Church.

Obviously, I won't be making any more insinuations about the espresso machine.

Well, why would you? Exactly.

Quick yes or no? No.

Sorry, is that a no or a no to the yes or no?

Yes.

Right, is that a yes or a yes to the no to the yes or no?

Sorry, can we just go back to the beginning?

It would just be help.

And if anyone has any concerns, anything at all, don't bring them to me.

Well, I hope you get it.

Get what?

Head of Science.

I haven't really been thinking about it.

And after much consideration, I can announce that the new Head of Science is

Mr Church.

Thank you, Headmistress. Thank you, everybody.

Wow!

Wow!

Wow! Just like to say a few words. There isn't time, Mr. Church.

And as of Monday, to save money, we're having a complete staff restructure, and

I'm scrapping all heads of department.

That'll be all.

Nice one, Churchy. Head of science.

For one whole day. You're forgetting it's the weekend tomorrow, so it's

actually three days. School ain't open at the weekend.

No, it's still three days, or 72 hours.

I've had dumps last longer than that.

I'm sorry, Keith.

It's fine, Sarah. It's really fine.

Don't let it get you down.

I won't.

i was wondering if the new head of science would care to join a lowly

french teacher for a celebratory lunch in the school's canteen today oh he

would absolutely love to great i'll see you at one

actually i should really sit at the special table with the other heads of

department

Have you been sleeping in my classroom?

Like a dirty vagrant.

All Gareth needs is a place to sleep. This is my bedroom, or as I call it,

Sheikh Central.

So lovely, you're staying with us. No, Trevor never introduces me to any of his

friends. Don't worry, Trevor, I'm not going to go into all the ins and outs of

what I got up to with your mother.

To my mum you're talking about.

She only ever done it once and that was to have me.

Thank you for letting me share your classroom.

We're finally moving in together.

Yes, but just into a classroom.

Why don't the two of you just go off and have some angry sex?

I was thinking I could just change classrooms.

We should consider all the options.