All language subtitles for Albert.Brooks.Defending.My.Life.2023.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]ENGENG

He had a lot of surgeries.
He could barely walk.

And he sort of retired
from show business.

But he loved the Friars Club
and he was always on the dais.

Well, in 1958,
it was a big deal.

They filled up
the Beverly Hilton Hotel

and they were letting in
Lucy and Desi.

They had never let in a woman.

And it was this gigantic event
and everybody was on the dais.

Milton Berle and George Jessel

and Art Linkletter
was the emcee and Sinatra.

Everybody was there.

And my dad did ten minutes
and I helped him with it.

We had a wire recorder.

I would rewind it
and then rewind it again.

And then-- and then,
you know--

And he would work
on the routine.

MILTON BERLE: He did a routine
about the Friars Club,

which was the hit of the show.

The audience just stood up,
not because

he was in a wheelchair,
because he was funny.

And I'm telling you...

(STUTTERS)
...it knocked the house down.

- Right.
- You don't even hear laughing,

you hear... (CUTLERY CLANKING)

That's what--
that's what the Friars Club

used to do
when they liked something.

...he must first satisfy us,
beyond any question of a doubt

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

And he finished and went back
to the dais and died.

Put his head right down

- like that.
- Jesus.

ALBERT: They stopped the show
as soon as they realized it.

Panicked. "What do we do?"
Art Linkletter said,

"Is there a doctor
in the house?"

- At the Beverly Hilton. (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS)

Right. Half the audience
came on stage.

They took him backstage,
they cut him open,

they shocked him
with a lamp cord.

They couldn't bring him
back to life.

- ROB: No.
- One of the funny moments

of that is that
they were panicking,

trying to see
what they could even do,

if they could save the dinner
but before it ended,

Tony Martin,
who was a big singer

and had a number one hit
at the time,

Milton Berle said,

"Get up there!
Sing something! Get up there!"

And he went up
and he sang his hit,

which was called,
"There Will Be No Tomorrow."

- (LAUGHS)
- (ROB LAUGHS) Oh, Jesus.

♪ ("THERE'S NO TOMORROW"
BY TONY MARTIN PLAYING) ♪

♪ There's no tomorrow ♪

And Milton Berle's going,

-"Maybe that's not good advice."
- (LAUGHS)

- So, everybody laughed.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah.

ALBERT:
He was sick my whole life

and I always thought
he was dying.

So every time,
when I was home alone with him

and he called me,
I would think, "Uh-oh, uh-oh."

So it really wasn't a surprise
because I expected it every day.

ROB: Yeah. Yeah.

ALBERT: I would go to sleep
with my radio on

and my mother used
to turn off my radio.

That was the little thing
she did for me.

ROB: Right.

ALBERT: And I woke up at 2:00
in the morning

and my radio was on.

- And I said, "Daddy's dead."
- Oh, wow. Wow.

- And in that case, it was true.
- ROB: Wow.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

This is where my dad is.

A lot of famous
old show business people here.

- Louis B. Mayer.
- ROB: Really?

- ALBERT: Jack Warner.
- ROB: Wow.

- ALBERT: And then look at this.
- ROB: What?

- ALBERT: Right near my dad...
- ROB: Wow.

ALBERT: One of the original
Three Stooges.

- Wow.
- Shemp.

ROB: No. Wait a minute. No, no.
Curly was the original.

ALBERT: No. Shemp.

ROB: No, I thought
Shemp replaced Curly.

ALBERT:
No. Curly replaced Shemp.

- ROB: Really?
- Yeah. Yeah.

I always thought
it was the other way around.

No. No. Woo, woo, woo, woo.

Well, "woo, woo, woo" was Curly.

- That I know.
- It doesn't matter!

- He'd still like it.
- He didn't do "woo, woo, woo."

Shemp never did.

- He'd still like it.
- All right.

Wow. And look at that.
Right there.

ALBERT: "Harry Einstein."

- ROB: Aw.
- ALBERT: Here he is.

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

- I miss him.
- Yeah.

ALBERT:
I feel I wanna be cremated.

My mother was cremated
and she said,

"Honey, you know,
I wanna be cremated."

I said, "Of course,
I could tell by your cooking."

(BOTH LAUGH)

ROB: So, you didn't get to live
a long time with your father

but your mom lived to 94.

And what kind of relationship
did you have with her?

- Well, see my movie, Mother.
- (ROB CHUCKLES)

- Mother...
- BEATRICE HENDERSON: Yeah?

- ...the ice cream is colorless.
- Look under the protective ice.

The protective ice?

You've actually named
the clear hard crap

that sits on the top?

I very much relate to Albert
seeking approval from his mom.

But you didn't like
the book, right?

You don't think
it deserves a sequel?

Well, no, honey.
I love the book.

But are you sure you wanna
bring back all those characters?

(SIGHS, GAGS)

That is so what a mom
would say of just,

"Really? You're gonna do that?
You're gonna wear that?

- Really? Okay."
- I'll talk to you later.

- BEATRICE: Honey, I love you.
- I know you think you do.

(SIGHS)

That's not
the kindest thing to say

but it does acknowledge
that I know you think you do.

- ROB: Yeah, yeah.
- And that's something

- and I'll give it credit.
- ROB: Yeah.

'Cause if I tell my mom
she doesn't love me--

- Of course she does.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course she says she does.
Seems insane to her.

But now I know
what to say to her.

"I know you think you do.
And I love you too, Mom."

How many times
were you on Carson or--

- How many times?
- Thirty.

ROB: Thirty times? Yeah.

You were always trying
to get your mother

to acknowledge the fact
that you were killing

- on these shows.
- The standard conversation,

I would call her.

She wouldn't call me
after a show.

If I waited
for that phone to ring,

it would be a month later.
So I would call her.

"Hi."

"Oh, honey, you're done?"
That was the first thing.

"No, we're on the show.
Here's Johnny.

- Yes, I'm done."
- (LAUGHS)

"So, uh, what did you think?"

And you know, she went,
"Oh, honey, it was--

- What did Johnny think?"
- ROB: Wow.

And that was every--

And I was gonna call
my autobiography

- What Did Johnny Think?
- ROB: Wow.

Because that's what--
"What did Johnny think?

What did Johnny think?"

♪ (CINEMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

ROB:
And your mother was a singer.

ALBERT:
My mother was a great singer.

- ROB: Right.
- My mother had a career.

She met my father
on a movie set.

New Faces of 1937.

Where is that cheap
chiseling grafter?

- Where is he?
- There he is.

- Parky, speak to the lady.
- Hello.

(SINGING) ♪ We do in gay Paris ♪

♪ 'Cause it's gay and it's fun
And it's done ♪

♪ Ooh, la, la! ♪

Ooh, la, la.

ALBERT: And she stopped
and became a mother,

and would sing at parties.

And it took me a long time
to realize that, you know,

maybe she didn't wanna
talk about

The Johnny Carson Show too much

because she wanted
to be on it...

ROB:
To be on The Johnny Carson Show.

- ...which is a normal feeling.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You could still love your son

- and still think, "God damn it."
- Yeah. Right.

-"I can sing better than her."
- ROB: I could be on there, yeah.

You were looking
for validation from her

and she was
only gonna validate you

- if Johnny Carson did.
- ALBERT: That's right.

And I tell you, the closest
my life ever came where that

was an actual shift

was when I got nominated
for an Oscar.

And the nominees are
Albert Brooks in Broadcast News.

(AUDIENCE CHEERS, APPLAUDS)

ALBERT: I took a date,
her and her sister.

And that evening was,
"Oh, my God!"

Because, you know,

- it's so crazy there.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah.

So, she had to accept
the fact that you--

Yes. I think she did.
I think she did.

But I also think that
she had normal feelings of,

"I wonder what I could've done."

ROB: Yes, yes.

ALBERT: And that's what Mother
was about because he discovers

- that his mother was a writer.
- ROB: Right.

JOHN HENDERSON:
How much have you written?

Did you ever get
anything published?

No. I never published.
Your father talked me out of it.

Why would he do that?

You know, dear, in those days,

a woman didn't have a career.
You know, she just...

Raised children who she hated
for ruining her life

and killing her chances of doing
the one thing she loved.

Our dads were both comedians

and our mothers
were both singers.

My mother was a singer too.

And also parked her career

to raise children
and always wanted

to get on stage.

Now, I would notice at parties,
the happiest she was

is when somebody
would play the piano

- and she would sing.
- Right.

And you naively think
that your parents

or your siblings
automatically support you

- a hundred percent.
- ROB: Right.

But human beings have qualities
like jealousy and being envious.

And it doesn't matter
if it's a father or a son.

- ROB: Right, right, right.
- It's like, "Jesus,

I never got to play
baseball like that."

-"Good! Good hit!" You know?
- Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's just the brain.

So, your mother is seeing
that you're starting

in show business,
you're starting to succeed,

and she's a little jealous.
She wanted to have--

I know my mother loved me
and I know she was happy for me,

but I knew that I couldn't--

I didn't talk very much
when something great happened

because there was just--

ROB: 'Cause you didn't want her
to feel--

- Yes. I could feel a limit.
- ROB: Yeah. Yeah.

And I didn't want to--

- I could feel it.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For the first time,
I don't see you as my mother.

I see you as a failure...

and it's wonderful.

I'm a failure
and that's wonderful?

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
All right, honey...

if that's what you need.

ALBERT: The last time
I saw my mother alive,

the last thing she says--

- And Bob-- Was Bob there?
- ALBERT: Bob there.

The brothers were there,
coming and going.

- ROB: Right, right.
- It was in her apartment.

And a few days before,
there was no more communication.

She was already
on morphine but, you know--

- ROB: Right.
- And she was sitting in a chair.

And I looked, and she looked up.
I said, "Mom, Mom. Hi."

And she looked up,

and the last words
she said to me was...

-"You've lost a little weight."
- (CHUCKLES)

And my brother, Bob, goes,

"I told you she always thought
you were fat."

(LAUGHS)

- Right to the end.
- To the end,

- the last words.
- ROB: Right to the end.

- I remember the albums.
- ROB: Yeah.

Right? And those were great.

But they were still like sort of

- meta and absurdist.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

ALBERT: I made this album,
Comedy Minus One.

And that was recorded
at the Troubadour.

ALBERT:

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

ALBERT:

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)

♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

BEN STILLER:
But really, for me the big thing

was when A Star is Bought
album came out.

I mean, it was life-changing.

ALBERT: And I did that
with Harry Shearer.

And that was like a movie,
but it was a record.

We did a mock documentary
about my life.

This character, "Albert Brooks."

- ROB: Yeah.
- The idea of the album was, uh,

that he's gonna make a cut
for every type of radio station

so that the album can't fail
because it's gonna appeal

to every different
radio demographic.

So, on classical music,

I supposedly found
the lost words to "Boléro"

and sang that
with a symphony orchestra.

♪ ("LOVE SONG"
BY ALBERT BROOKS PLAYING) ♪

ALBERT: ♪ (SINGING) ♪

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

When I made my first album,

I got very cocky and said,
"I'm not touring."

And I watched the record
just die.

Good night,
ladies and gentlemen.

Like a rock band
coming out with an album,

- you gotta promote the record...
- That's right. And--

- ...by going on tour.
- And I realized this

after a month, it was dead,
and I did too little too late.

- ♪ (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- ALBERT: I booked these clubs.

- And there was a circuit...
- ROB: Right.

- ...in the early '70s.
- ROB: Right.

The Bitter End, Troubadour,
Paul's Mall, The Cellar Door.

- Right. Mr. Kelly's.
- ALBERT: Mr. Kelly's.

- Right.
- And I never loved it.

What happened on the stage
at Paul's Mall in...

- ALBERT: Boston. Yeah.
- ...in Boston?

Where you said,
"I just can't do this"?

ALBERT:
It didn't happen on the stage.

I went back to my hotel
in between shows,

and I don't know,
it just sort of--

- The world changed.
- ROB: Yeah.

It just sort of--
I had an explosion.

He called me. He said,

"The elephants are moving
on the wall

of the wallpaper in my motel."

I said, "So, you should
probably come home now.

- That's a bad sign."
- (ROB CHUCKLES)

What I think it was,
and I could say this now.

- ROB: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I couldn't tell you then.

I think I got so good
at not getting close.

As a very little kid,
two, three, and four,

I was gonna outsmart God.

I'm not gonna get close
to the sky

and then you're just
gonna take him.

Uh, I'm smarter than that.

And I learned how
to keep distance.

Hmm.
And that not getting close,

that being detached
from everything,

I almost feel like
that was waiting.

"Hello. Excuse me.

Here's 15 years
you never dealt with."

- Wow.
- And it was all of that at once.

Could it have been
the fact that that coincided

with the fact that your father
died on stage?

Yes. Yes.

- It still plays in my head.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

ANNOUNCER: NBC's Saturday Night.

ROB: You were approached
by Lorne Michaels

- to host Saturday Night Live.
- ALBERT: Okay, yeah. Yes.

I'll tell you the story.

And this is a true story
and I never tell it

because nobody wants
to hear it, but--

- I wanna hear it.
- No, I'm just saying.

They called me in 1974.

I went to an office
with Dick Ebersol

and Lorne Michaels.

- Right.
- ALBERT: And they said,

"We're gonna do
an original show."

Fantastic.

"We'd like it to be
The Albert Brooks Show."

ROB: Wow.

And I said, "You know what?
Every show has a regular host.

You should do revolving hosts.
That's what I would do."

Right.

Then four months later,
they didn't have anybody

and they wanted my name.

At that time, they liked
what my name represented,

and they wanted my name,
and they said,

"What do you want to do?"

And I had made a short film
years earlier for PBS,

The Great American
Dream Machine,

where I took an article
I wrote in Esquire,

"The Albert Brooks'
Famous School for Comedians,"

to teach you to be a comedian.

- ROB: Right.
- ALBERT: Like a commercial.

"Hello!
Do you think you can be funny?"

How many times have you gotten
nice laughs at a party?

Had a friend turn to you
and say,

"You know something?
That was pretty funny.

You should think
about being a comedian."

Well, your friend was right.

First today,
we'll visit comedy take class.

Here, the students practice
all kinds of takes.

The double take, the elbow take.

And today, they're working
on the spit take,

made so famous by Danny Thomas
on Make Room for Daddy.

Remember when Danny
would be drinking coffee,

his agent, Sid, would come in
with some surprising news?

Danny would spit the coffee
all over Sid and the furniture.

Let's see
how these kids are doing.

All right.
Now that was pretty good

but I'd like to try it
just one more time

in the same way.

Now remember,
I just walked into the room.

Now, start to drink.

Good. Now, I speak.

Guess what?
I just heard from the bank,

and not only don't you have
any money,

- but your sister is dead!
- (STUDENTS SPIT)

COMEDY TEACHER: That's good.

That's much better,
except, again,

Carol, you didn't put
the liquid in your mouth

and you gargled instead of spit
for the fifth straight time.

That was funny.

So, I said,
"Let me make short films."

So, they made an agreement.
I would make six short films

and I would do it
from Los Angeles.

He shaped the trajectory
of Saturday Night Live

in two ways.

It's because of him
that they have guest hosts

every week,
and it's because of him

- that they have film pieces.
- (CROWD APPLAUDING)

ANNOUNCER:
In an unprecedented move

- to ease world tension...
- ♪ (CELEBRATORY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

...the country of Israel
and the state of Georgia

have agreed to change places.

This is indeed
an auspicious occasion

- of the 20th century.
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

And I hope that New Orleans
will be easier

to deal with than Cairo.

(CROWD APPLAUDS)

I know-- I know
that my entire state

is looking forward
to heat without humidity.

(CROWD APPLAUDS)

ALBERT:
I thought it would be funny

to dress up as a cow

and try and purchase
an airline ticket.

Those shorts
were mind-blowing to me.

- ROB: Yeah, yeah.
- Like, they were like,

the most punk comedy thing
I had ever seen at that point.

- (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
- This is my favorite part

of the show
because it gives me a chance

to introduce a film written, directed,

and starring my best friend,
Albert Brooks.

The show that you were on.

ROB: Yeah,
that was the third show.

He-- I made a film
that ran too long for his taste.

- Yeah.
- And Lorne said,

"Um, we're not running it.
It's too long."

- ROB: Yeah.
- And thank God you hosted...

- ROB: Yeah.
- ...and you said,

"I wanna run that."

So many of us go through life

doing one thing,
wanting to do something else.

I'm one of those people.
I'm a comedian.

Show business
has been good to me.

But quite frankly,
if I had the grades in school,

I would have become a surgeon.

Well, on July 22nd of this year,
I did something about it.

I took out the following ad

in ten of the nation's
leading newspapers.

"I, Albert Brooks,
professional entertainer,

wish to perform
open heart surgery,

coronary bypass operation
preferred."

Here we go.

DOCTOR: No, no, no, no.

ALBERT:
You stay-- Okay. All right.

I pray it doesn't hurt.
I pray it doesn't hurt.

- ALBERT: The hell is going on?
- I pray it doesn't hurt.

ALBERT: Why is he awake?
Where is the anesthesiologist?

DOCTOR: I don't know.
You're the chief. (CHUCKLES)

ALBERT: Look,
I have been up for a week,

I have a very bad sore throat.

- Don't start with me.
- He don't feel very well.

- Leave him alone.
- ALBERT: That's all right.

JUDD APATOW:
You didn't know what show Albert

- would have a film on.
- ROB: Right.

So, it always felt to me, like,

there was this weird
J.D. Salinger comedy guy

that every once in a while
would offer something up,

and you didn't know
when it was gonna come.

♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

- STEVEN: Hi, Albert.
- You got it?

STEVEN: Yes.
(STAMMERS) It's new.

I know that you use to hang out
with Steven Spielberg.

- Yeah.
- And he would film you.

I think he just liked
to always run the camera.

Yeah, but he didn't run it
with everybody. He just ran--

No,
because I was giving him stuff.

- ROB: Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.

I started filming Albert
in 1973.

We'd go down, like, Sunset
or go up La Cienega

just so Albert
could lean out the window

and interview people
at a red light.

ALBERT: Aha!

STEVEN: I mean, in a way,
he predated Sacha Baron Cohen.

What Sacha did with Borat
and all of his brilliant work...

- ROB: Right.
- ...Albert was doing that stuff

on the streets
with my eight-millimeter camera

- in the 1970s.
- ROB: Wow. Wow.

GENE SISKEL: I can't think
of any American filmmaker

whose movies
I more eagerly await.

Directing my first movie,

Real Life,
which beats Spinal Tap by...

- ROB: Which is the first one?
- ...five years in mockumentary.

I've just completed
a motion picture so exciting

that the following announcement
will be presented in 3D,

so you can literally
"feel" the excitement.

Real Life tells the story
of what happens

when a real family's life

is turned
into a major motion picture.

That family could have been you,
or you, or you!

If you remember some years ago,

I think it was on PBS,
they did it.

Was it on national television?

They covered a family
called the Loud family.

ALBERT: The idea was exciting
to do because, you know,

other than the Loud family,
no one had sort of

- made fun of this yet.
- ROB: Yeah.

JUDD:
It was so ahead of the curve.

Everything he was talking about
is what television turned into.

LARRY DAVID:
I saw Real Life and I thought,

"Oh, you know, this guy's...
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

...he's-- He is really special."

JUDD: The moment that we realize
that we were gonna

wanna follow real people
and they'd be more interesting

- than fictionalized people...
- ROB: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

...Albert satirized that,
but he was very aware

that people will be obsessed
with making it

entertaining enough...

- ROB: Right.
- ...and that show business

would ruin it
and make it impure.

Honey, do you think it's safe
for you to be eating

with your heating pad
in your lap?

I have terrible cramps,
I am bleeding profusely,

- and I wanna vomit on the table.
- (CHUCKLES)

JEANNETTE YEAGER:
What are you doing?

No, I just wanna let them know
that this is not the way

we usually talk,
especially at the dinner table.

This actually, uh, had
some reflection of society

that are still relevant today.

I made an appointment
with my gynecologist

for a quarter to 10:00
tomorrow morning.

And if you want to,
you and the crew

can feel free to join me.

Film the gynecologist?

It became, for me,
the test movie for--

If I was dating a girl,
it'd be like,

"Let's watch Real Life."
(LAUGHS)

- What are these?
- These are cameras.

DR. MAXWELL RENNERT:
Oh, no. Oh, God damn it.

What's going on here?
I was clear.

Now, come on.
Get out of here, you!

- Wait, wait, wait!
- RENNERT: I don't need you here.

This is a big motion picture.
I'm Albert Brooks. How are you?

RENNERT: I don't care
who the hell you are.

Talk to my lawyer.
I was cleared.

Get out. Out, out!

Dr. Rennert,
these people are with me.

- They're filming my life.
- RENNERT: Mrs. Yeager, I'm sorry

but I've had
some bad experiences

- with the 60 Minutes people.
- ALBERT: No, no.

- (TELEPHONE RINGS)
- Huh...

There's four of us here, okay?
He wants an abortion, all right?

Two. Make it two.

I'll take a hysterectomy.
She'll have the same.

How about this for parking?
You think 500 might do it?

I just wanna film her life.
Please, don't make trouble.

Oh, my God. Maxwell Rennert,
the baby broker.

- Oh, God damn it! Come on.
- Oh, I can't believe it.

Was it tough to get that made?

I have found nothing easy
to get made.

Getting made
was the hard part of the life.

I was dating Linda Ronstadt.

One of her managers,
he had a cousin,

who at the time
owned the Chicago Bulls.

- Okay.
- I sat in a steam room with him,

- and pitched this thing.
- (CHUCKLES)

ALBERT: And he said to me,

"I'll give you
half a million dollars.

You have to take a letter
of credit out at a bank

and anything over is yours."

That you have to pay for?

- ALBERT: I have to pay for.
- Right.

And it made every moment tense.

(ROB CHUCKLES)

But I wanna take
this opportunity, Rob.

The man in Chicago,
he keeps calling me and saying,

"Well, I-- I don't care
if the picture makes money,

I just don't want you
to go over budget.

I don't want a call
in the middle of the night

saying, 'I need more money.
I need more money.

- I need more money.'"
- ROB: They're worried?

- They're worried about it?
- Yeah. They're worried.

Taking a chance
with a first-time director?

Yeah, but I mean,
I'm a nice guy.

- I'm not gonna spend his money.
- (CHUCKLES)

So, I thought
maybe I could swear to God

- to him on television.
- ROB: Go ahead.

- Would that be all right?
- ROB: Go ahead. Go ahead.

- Can I get a-- Okay.
- ROB: Yeah, give him a close-up.

Mr. Culver is the name.

I, Albert Brooks, swear to God
I won't go over budget.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

If I do, I will pay every penny
out of my own pocket,

or Rob and Penny
will pay for it.

Real Life was made independently,

and Paramount Pictures
bought it.

This was my introduction.

- It was like a Broadway show.
- ROB: Right, right.

And I get a call that said,
"We're rethinking this.

We're not gonna go to New York.
Let's not do the critics now.

Let's open in Honolulu,
in Dallas, and New Orleans."

I said, "I'm gonna do better
with critics than I'm gonna do

- with people in Honolulu."
- ROB: Right, right.

If you pull it out
of the critics' screenings,

it says to the critics,

- the film is flawed.
- ROB: Right, right.

And I said,

"If you do this,
I won't do one show,

and if I talk to any press,
I will tell them

that you've ruined my life."

And they said, "Well, let us
call you back in 15 minutes."

Thank God that for whatever
threat, it worked.

And you know, I got the reviews
that started my career.

- ROB: Yes.
- ALBERT: If that didn't happen,

I don't know where I'd be.

So, you mentioned Harry Shearer,
that you worked

- on A Star Is Bought.
- And Real Life,

- Harry, worked. Yeah.
- And Real Life.

- He was one of the writers.
- ALBERT: Yeah.

- Along with Monica Johnson.
- ALBERT: Yes.

ROB: You worked with Monica...

- On many pictures.
- ...on other pictures.

Tell me about your relationship
with Monica.

Well, Monica was great.

Monica understood
the Albert Brooks character

like nobody else.
She was so funny.

I wanted to be in a room
or in a car with her

because back and forth,

- I think it made me better.
- ROB: Right.

She got everything.
And then she could

- throw out a line...
- ROB: Yeah, yeah.

...and you know,
just something really--

She-- she got it.

I became aware of Albert
on The Tonight Show.

I became obsessed with Albert
with Modern Romance.

- Modern Romance.
- Modern Romance.

It's my life.

God, there's something
wrong with you.

No, there isn't. I'm in love.

- That's not it.
- Yes.

- No.
- Yes, I'm in love. I love you.

(SIGHS)

I called the number, okay?
A guy answered.

Obviously, a guy
isn't your brother's girlfriend.

So, who is he?
You slept with him? Twice?

- I'm going home.
- I've been this guy.

I've been this guy
a lot of times.

I'm, you know, much older now.
I can still be that guy.

Modern Romance was, you know,
me willing to look completely

like a psychopath
and how jealousy works.

I don't think
that we should go out anymore.

- I mean, I just think it's over.
- (SIGHS)

You've heard
of a no-win situation,

- haven't you?
- No.

No? Really no?
You've never heard of one?

Vietnam, this?
I'm telling you, they're around.

I think we're in one of them.

So, the jealousy,
all of that feeling of jealousy,

- that was just something...
- ALBERT: That's--

...you felt, but you didn't--

I felt and it was weird,
and I wanted to show it.

ROB: Yeah.

Look, you two didn't get along.
You said it yourself,

all you ever did was fight.

You're right. Thank you.
Thank you.

That's all we ever did.

I'm telling you,
we fought and fought

and then we had great sex.
(CHUCKLES)

We never really could talk.

Do you need to talk?

The whole thing
made me so uncomfortable

because I was at the time,

in a very unpleasant relationship.

And I thought,
"Well, this is admirable."

If you can go and do a movie
and it makes you feel...

it magnifies
what you're feeling already.

The head of Columbia said,

"You have to add
a psychiatrist scene

and explain this behavior."

- Right. Right.
-"And if you don't add

a psychiatrist scene,
you won't have a second week,"

which basically meant,
we're not gonna advertise.

- ROB: Wow. Wow.
- And Stanley Kubrick called me.

And he said,
"You're blaming yourself.

It's not your fault.

Studios make a decision
of whether a movie

is gonna be a hit.
It's their decision.

I've watched your movie play
in front of 25 people.

It's killer."

And then he said,
"How did you do this?"

"This is the jealousy movie
I've always wanted to make."

And I'm going,
"Hello. How did I do it?

How did the guy
walk upside down in 2001?"

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

"You tell me and I'll tell you
how I screwed up the girl."

(LAUGHS)

The roller coaster ride
of Modern Romance,

that really always connected
with me. It just--

ROB: Wow.

I'm still looking
for my Albert Brooks.

And to America,
look out, here we come!

(GUESTS CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

♪ ("BORN TO BE WILD"
BY STEPPENWOLF PLAYING) ♪

♪ Get your motor runnin'... ♪

The Jupiter
with all the gravitational pull

is, for me, Lost in America.

(HORN HONKS)

♪ Racing with the wind... ♪

What was the inspiration
for Lost in America?

People who make
gigantic decisions

- and are wrong.
- (ROB CHUCKLES)

This is what we talked about
when we were 19.

Remember? We kept saying,
"Let's find ourselves."

But we didn't have a dollar

so we watched
television instead.

I mean, we can drop out

and we can still have
our nest egg.

So, these people
really did everything.

They sold their house.

They-- they, you know,
made the unfortunate mistake

of stopping in Vegas

- and then it was done.
- ROB: Yeah.

♪ (SWING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

- We're up! We're up!
- (SCREAMS) No. We're still down.

- How down? How down?
- Down. Twenty-two down.

- Twenty-two.
- How down is she?

Down.

- Come on! Twenty-two!
- How down are you?

- Down, down!
- How much have you lost?

- Everything!
- What does that mean?

- Everything!
- What do you mean?

- Everything on 22...
- What do you mean?

What is happening?
What are you doing?

...and make it happen for me.

How much is left
of the nest egg?

Nothing. Well, give--
give or take, 1,000.

- Give or take 1,000?
- Yeah.

(GROANS)

As the boldest experiment
in advertising history,

- you give us our money back.
- I beg your pardon?

- I understood the nest egg--
- Please do me a favor.

Don't use the word.
You may not use that word.

It's off limits to you.

Only those in this house
who understand nest egg,

may use it. And don't use
any part of it either.

Don't use "nest,"
don't use "egg."

If you're out in the forest,
you can point,

that bird lives
in a "round stick."

And-- and-- and you have
"things" over-easy with toast.

STEVEN:
It also spoke to the stuff

that we all go through

- when we have to find ourselves.
- ROB: Right.

So, the movie is really a story
about his search

for who he is as a man
and also as a husband.

♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

- (HORN HONKING)
- (SCREAMS)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

ANNOUNCER: Good afternoon
and welcome to Judgment City.

You've just had quite
the little journey, so for now,

- relax and enjoy the ride.
- ROB: What made you think about

afterlife and those ideas?
How'd you come up with that?

Well, one of the things
when your father exits early,

you wonder, "Where does he go

- and what's going on here?"
- ROB: Yeah.

Well, in a nutshell,
you're here to defend your life.

Defend my life?

I didn't like movies
about Heaven.

I don't like the clouds.

- ROB: Right.
- I don't like the harps.

I don't-- And--
And this movie has no religion.

ROB: No.

So, what this movie
is really about is fear,

which, you know,
I've dealt with my whole life.

ROB: And so, if you could live
a life without fear,

then you would be able
to move on. And that the fear

- is what's holding you back.
- That's right.

There are multiple movies
on this topic,

from, like, the '40s and on.

"You die. You're suspended.
Where are you going?

You're going to Heaven.
Is there a Heaven?

Is there a God?
Is there an afterlife?"

To me, Defending Your Life

is the finest piece of work
on that topic.

- BOY: Look what I found?
- Come on. Give me that.

Make me.

(ARGUING INDISTINCTLY)

Wow.

- Come on, chicken. (GRUNTS)
- (KIDS SCREAMING INDISTINCTLY)

You stick up for yourself,
low-life chicken.

BOB DIAMOND: You see,
every second of every lifetime

is always recorded.

And as each one ends,
we sort of look at it.

Look at a few of the days,
examine it,

and then if everybody agrees,
you move forward.

What do you mean "move forward"?

NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON:
As an astrophysicist,

Defending Your Life was one
of the most insightful films

I had ever seen.

I measure the value
of a movie to me

by how much influence it has
over my thoughts.

The claim is that
as a human being on Earth,

we're using some small percent
of our total brain power.

His attorney,
who's defending his life,

is using, like,
45 or 50 percent

of his brain power.

But there's still
higher levels beyond that.

For example,
I use 48 percent of my brain.

Do you know how much you use?

Forty-seven?

- (CHUCKLES) Three.
- I'm sorry?

And the lawyer says,
"I am deeply simplifying

my communication,
so that you can understand me."

Where were you?
I'm just curious.

I'd tell you
but you wouldn't understand.

Don't treat me like a moron.
Try me.

I was trapped
near the inner circle

of thought.

- I don't understand.
- I told you.

And it's because of that scene,
I've always been thinking

about how stupid
we may actually be

on the spectrum of intelligence
in the universe.

- Hi. How'd you die?
- On stage, like you.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

ROB: You and Meryl Streep
are incredible together.

How did she wind up
in that movie?

Well, I was friends
with Carrie Fisher.

And she had a party,
and Meryl Streep was there,

and I was surprised
how easygoing she was.

And I said,
"I just finished something

I'm really excited about it."

And I don't know
if it was half-joking or real,

she said,
"Is there a part in it for me?"

- I said, "Yeah. Right. Okay."
- (ROB CHUCKLES)

And I went home
and I thought, "God, yes!"

ROB: Yeah, yeah.

I don't know what this is.
(SCOFFS)

But it's...

well, it's...

- effortless. (CHUCKLES)
- Effortless.

CONAN: You can tell
that everything

that's real in his personality
is coming out.

But I've been defending myself
so hard these last few days

and I just don't wanna be judged anymore.

I have this wonderful feeling
inside of me but I'm af--

I'm just tired of being judged.

It's hilarious
and I cry at the end every time.

- DANIEL MILLER: Julia! No!
- (ELECTRICITY ZAPS)

- (SCREAMS) Daniel!
- DANIEL: I love you!

♪ (EMOTIONAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

It's an emotional movie,
and it's about personal growth,

and that's not something
that was in the other movies.

- ROB: Right.
- JUDD: But this time,

he finds a way
to overcome his fear.

He finds love.
He wins at the end,

and it felt like a big choice
from Albert to show the lessons

that I assumed
he was trying to learn in life.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

Do you have any thoughts about
what happens after you die?

I don't mind being taken
out of the game.

I just don't wanna see anymore
of the game.

- Yeah, yeah.
- So that, to me, would be agony.

- ROB: Yes.
- To be taken away

but you get a little peek at...

"Oh, Rob's still doing well,"
you know?

(BOTH LAUGH)

And by the way, on nights
you sleep and you don't dream,

how do you know,
what if you don't wake up?

- How would you know?
- Yeah.

I mean, God, the first time
I had a colonoscopy,

it was-- I wanted one every day.

It's the greatest sleep
in the world.

And if you woke me up
a thousand years later,

- I wouldn't have any idea.
- ROB: Right.

So, I imagine that's what it is.

What? Like having a colonoscopy?

- Yes.
- ROB: Yeah.

Yeah. A big one. (LAUGHS)

So, you're feeling
your way through the world

of relationships with,
uh, women.

And I'm sure, there were
a lot of women, come in and out

- of your life and all that.
- Yes.

And so that I'm sure gives birth
to things like Modern Romance,

like Defending Your Life,
like Lost in America,

all of those pictures
that have these relationships.

We're seeing
Albert Brooks struggling

with the opposite sex.

So, how did you eventually find
your way?

Well, I lucked out
because I waited long enough

where I had reached a point,

and if anybody ever asks me
advice about it,

you know,
"How do you find someone?"

I mean,
the answer is you stop looking.

Albert, you were one of the last
bachelors to go in Hollywood.

- You waited a long time.
- (LAUGHS) That's right.

Warren Beatty and I
used to huddle in the corner.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

What was it about this lady
that set her apart

from all those nymphet starlets

- you'd been with?
- Yes!

I guess this wasn't
the romantic way to put it,

but after two days,
I looked right in her eyes

and I said,
"You're the first woman

I'm willing
to be divorced from."

(ALL LAUGHING)

I met Kimberly
and it was just right.

ROB: Yeah. How did you meet her?

- I was set up by friends.
- ROB: Yeah.

And she called it a blind date,

and yet Defending Your Life
was her favorite movie,

so I said,
"Well, it was a one-eyed date."

ROB: Yes.

I thought the movie was amazing.
And I said,

"This man wrote,
directed, and starred in this?

That's the kind of guy
I wanna marry."

I swear to God I said that.
(CHUCKLES)

- ROB: Really?
- Yeah.

But I was filming
in San Francisco, Mother.

- ROB: Right.
- So, we talked on the phone

for ages.
But I'll tell you, one of these,

I'm not a big coincidence guy.

- ROB: Yeah.
- But this was interesting.

I wrote Mother before I met her,
and she came from Marin,

and I set the character
in Marin.

- More importantly...
- ROB: That's why--

...I set the character
at Tam High,

- where she went to high school.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

So, that was weird!

Our hour-long conversations
became, you know,

eight-hour long conversations

and he made me laugh
till I cried

but this was
before the internet.

He had no idea
what I looked like.

So, we kind of fell in love
by talking.

And we talked on the phone

and it was great, great,
great, great, great.

We met and it was great.

And, you know, I had waited
and knew that I couldn't--

shouldn't be waiting
too much longer.

- ROB: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- (LAUGHS)

- Yeah.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah.

My line was,

"I'm gonna have to look
for high schools with ramps."

(BOTH LAUGH)

"Is Dad coming?"

"He's wheeling up.
He's wheeling up."

The chemistry,
everything was there

the minute we met.

Somehow,
I don't know how it happened,

but we were, like, making out

to the soundtrack
of Schindler's List.

- (ROB CHUCKLES)
- (LAUGHS)

That's true.

It was worth waiting for.

- ROB: Yeah, yeah.
- That's all I can say.

KIMBERLY: And I said,
"Well, look,

I don't know why you've waited
but this is what I want.

I wanna get married,
you know, have kids.

The whole nine yards."

So, then he kept saying,
"Well, why don't you move in?"

Like, when we were dating.

And I kept going like this,
"It's so empty there, isn't it?

Like, do you see anything?"
You know, like, every time.

And then he said, "Okay,
I'll take you to Tiffany's."

And I was like, "Ah, ah, I need
to hear the whole sentence.

Like, you need to get on a knee.
Like, you need to do it."

- And so then he did it.
- ROB: Wow.

She thinks I proposed.
I actually tripped.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

- You were on your knees--
- That's right.

I dropped a contact lens,
bent down to pick it up

- and she said, "Yes."
- And you got married.

- Yeah.
- (ALL LAUGH)

ROB: I've known you so long,

and when you met Kimberly
and you got married

and you had kids,

I thought, "This is a big thing
for Albert,"

because you didn't see
that evolution for you.

I was sick of me.

I mean, if I couldn't do this
for somebody,

I think I would never have

- left my home past fifty.
- ROB: Right, right.

And so you have Jake,
you have Claire,

and now all of a sudden
you're a father.

How are you adjusting to that?

I couldn't imagine
a life without it.

Now, do your kids know
that you're that Albert Brooks?

I-- I haven't really shown them
the movies yet

because they--

I don't wanna see them
not like it.

'Cause then I'd have
to punish them severely.

- (DAVID LETTERMAN LAUGHING)
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

In my will, David,

I have a detailed questionnaire
about my movies.

- (LAUGHS)
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

And if they can't answer it...

- Very shrewd.
- There's nothing.

- There's nothing.
- I think you're on

- to something there.
- Right. There's nothing.

- A only mark.
- All right, and action!

She's a muse.

Come on.

No. I-- I met her at a party
a couple of years ago.

- Rob Reiner introduced us.
- Rob Reiner?

ROB: The idea of the film

is that there's this woman
who's a muse

who can get the best things
out of people,

so they can do their best work.

That's right.
When you start believing that,

- it becomes something.
- ROB: Right, right.

It's the ultimate placebo.

I can see why you need me.

When he called me,
I was just, like...

(GASPS) "Oh, my God,
it's Albert Brooks!"

You have a lot of talent.

(SIGHS) It's just that
you're losing your edge.

Jesus, I am hearing this
from everybody.

That's because it's true.

And I said, "Oh, I'm in!"
And he goes,

"You don't even need
to see the script?"

And I'm like, "No."

ALBERT: Sharon
was so receptive.

- And so much fun to work with.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Just really, ideas and energy.
I was crazy about her.

- Say that to them.
- Everything is her.

- (LAUGHS)
- (MOUTHING) Everything. (LAUGHS)

We had
this really wonderful trust

right from the start.

There's this scene
where I get in bed

with Andie MacDowell.

So, what side of the bed
do you want?

Oh, you're gonna sleep
in the bed too?

And I said,
"So, I wanna be naked."

And he went,
"I don't know. I don't know."

- He kept covering his eyes.
- ROB: His eyes?

Yeah, like, "I-- I don't know
if I can--

I don't know if I can see that."

You want the whole bed?

Well, hey, it's your house,
you know? Whatever you wanna do.

LAURA PHILLIPS: Oh, my God.
You want the whole bed?

Take it.

And then you had Scorsese.

ALBERT: Yeah, we have
these famous directors

all thinking that they might
get help from this fraud.

Just tell him
Marty was here, okay?

'Cause I gotta get
this thing figured out.
I'm right in the middle of it.

- I gotta get it figured out.
- What are you working on?

- Promise you won't tell anybody?
- Yeah.

I'm working on a remake
of Raging Bull.

- Really?
- Yeah. Only this time,

I'm doing it with
a real thin guy. Real thin.

- Can you see it?
- Yeah. I see it.

- Thin. Thin. Thin.
- Thin and angry. Thin and angry.

Thin and angry.
Is there a Starbucks near here?

Oh, gee, I'd be careful
if I were you.

- You might have had your quota.
- Yeah. I guess I'd-- Quota?

That gives me an idea
for something else entirely.

Thank you.
We never had this conversation.

I don't know who you are.
We never spoke.

Jim Cameron.

I just don't see you going back
to the water anytime soon.

So... no sequel?

No.

Stay away from the water.
Don't go near the water.

- And me. I was-- Yeah. Yeah.
- ALBERT: And you.

- Sarah!
- (SCREAMS) Oh!

- It's so good to see you.
- Oh, hey! Oh!

♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

For the rest of your life

you're gonna be looking
over your shoulder.

I'm just telling you this because

- I want you to know the truth.
- ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪

Albert
is a totally trained actor.

He has all that technique.
He has all those tools.

He can do anything.

- Notice anything?
- No.

BETSY: Then put your glasses on.

Okay. Just a minute. All right.

That taxi driver
has been staring at us.

What taxi driver?

That one.
The one that's sitting there.

TOM: How long
has he been there?

BETSY: I don't know
but it feels like a long time.

My first acting movie
was Taxi Driver.

ROB: Right. Scorsese.

ALBERT: That was a hell
of a movie to have starred in.

Why did they think
Albert Brooks would be perfect

for a movie about Travis Bickle?

You know, I think
Scorsese had seen plenty of me

on the variety shows.
And he loved comedy

and he sensed
that I could do it.

But to me, just going to the set
on days I wasn't working

and watching Marty,
it was a thrilling experience.

Why won't you talk to me?

- Come on.
- Why won't you talk to me?

Why don't you answer my calls
when I call you?

You think I don't know
you're here?

- Let's not have any trouble.
- You think I don't know?

- You think I don't know?
- TOM: Would you please leave?

- Get your hands off me.
- Okay. Then leave.

I just want you to know
that I know and I'm here.

TOM: Come on.
Let's not have any trouble.

Please. Just please.
This isn't the place to do this.

- TRAVIS BICKLE: Get your hands--
- TOM: Okay.

- Get your hands off!
- Okay. Then just leave!

- Take 'em off!
- All right. Just leave then.

ROB: What made you decide

that he was the guy you wanted
for Broadcast News?

Oh, not decision. Just--

We talked about it
through the writing.

I mean, there was nobody else.

You can't end up with Tom

because it totally goes
against everything

that you're about.

I know you care about him.

I've never seen you
like this with anybody.

So, don't get me wrong
when I tell you that Tom,

while being a very nice guy...

is the devil.

I wanna talk
about this very specific moment

in Broadcast News,

and it's famous because anybody
who gets nervous,

they say, "You're sweating
just like Albert Brooks."

Tell me how
that moment came to be.

In the original script,
Jim didn't have sweating.

It was Aaron
has a horrible failure.

ROB: Right. Yeah.

You're anchoring it,
taking William Hurt's place.

ALBERT: Right. And one night,

I saw at midnight,
a new guy on CNN.

Albert called me one day,
so excited,

and he said, "I just saw a guy
on CNN sweating bullets."

I woke Jim up.
"Jim! Jim! Turn on CNN!

I know what we-- This is it!"
And it worked.

- It worked.
- ROB: Wow, wow, wow.

The British foreign secretary
today, pounced on what he termed

"The nest of professional spies
and amateur traders

who are turning
NATO headquarters

into an instrument

whose only true function
is folly."

Just how noticeable
is this, huh?

BRIAN WILLIAMS:
Albert really trashed

the shirt and the jacket
that night.

But for years afterward,

and after anyone sees it now,
contemporaneously today...

DIRECTOR 1: Five seconds!

...people will find a way
to ask you,

"Were you more like
the William Hurt character

or were you
the sweaty intellectual?"

A hundred and twenty people
were reported injured.

At least 22 people dead.

- DIRECTOR 2: Commercial.
- I wish I were one of them.

I think that his performance
in Broadcast News

is just the North Star
for almost everything.

There's a lot of people
that feel like,

"I'm kind of a decent person,

and why do I always get
passed over?"

Wouldn't this be a great world
if insecurity and desperation

made us more attractive?
If needy were a turn-on?

- Call if you get weird.
- Mm.

We thought we were Albert Brooks
in that relationship.

No comedy people thought
they were William Hurt.

I thought Albert and Holly
sort of stole the show.

Hey, Aaron!
I think you're the devil!

- You know I'm not!
- How?

AARON ALTMAN: Because I think
we have the kind of friendship

where if I were the devil,

you'd be the only one
I would tell.

Well, you were awfully quick
to run after Tom's help

- when you wanted help!
- All right. Fine. Yes!

And if things had gone well
for me tonight,

then I probably
wouldn't be saying any of this.

I grant you everything...
but give me this.

He personifies everything that
you've been fighting against.

And I'm in love with you.

How do you like that?

I buried the lede.

I love seeing him play villains.
I've seen Drive a million times.

Kid, I want you to meet
Mr. Bernie Rose.

BERNIE ROSE: Nice to meet you.

♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

My hands are a little dirty.

So are mine.

ALBERT: And Nicolas Refn said,

"Why would I believe
he was a bad guy?"

And I pinned them up
against the door.

- I mean, I really did.
- ROB: Yeah.

And I said quietly,
"There's no convincing Nicolas."

I said, "If I now took a gun,
and put it in your ear

and shot a bullet
through your brain

and smiled and left,
I'd be a bad guy."

I think we would have made
a go with this business.

- (GROANS)
- Don't worry. Don't worry.

That's it. It's done.

There's no pain.
It's over. It's over.

I mean, he's a beautiful actor.

His character parts
that he would do.

DR. CYRIL WECHT: The NFL owns
the day of the week.

The same day the church
used to own. Now, it's theirs.

RICHARD RIPLEY:
You're a bank robber.

It's not a very marketable skill.

We don't see a lot
of old bank robbers

walking around
with a pension plan, now do we?

I don't anticipate a problem.

God knows they've given money
to bigger crooks than us.

BOY: Daddy,
you never play with me.

I do, but right now,
look who I'm talking to!

- Hi.
- It's your brother!

Hi.

- Say--
- You don't look like my brother.

I told you, honey,
that's 'cause of the egg donor.

I am so excited.

I can't believe I'm in a car
with Albert Brooks,

Lucy Liu, and Jerry David.

I just can't believe

- we're all going--
- Oh, you're so funny. (LAUGHS)

I got my Jews confused
a little bit.

(LAUGHS)
"I got my Jews confused"?

- She's funny, Albert.
- She's funny.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Anti-Semitic, but funny.
- Yeah. (LAUGHS)

He was actually a little nervous
the first day.

- ROB: He-- he was?
- Yeah.

- ROB: Why?
- I could tell.

I know when somebody
is nervous, yeah.

ROB: The premise, to me,
is terrific.

The idea of doing a eulogy
or doing a memorial service

for somebody before they die.

Welcome, everyone.
Thank you for coming.

Albert inspired me to become
a stand-up comedian.

And that more than anything,

makes me wish
he was really dead.

(GUESTS LAUGHING)

I hate him.

Thanks to Larry David,

we learned
he was a COVID hoarder.

- ♪ (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Oh, my God.

Albert Brooks
is a COVID hoarder.

- He's a fucking COVID hoarder.
- He's a COVID hoarder.

- Albert's a COVID hoarder.
- Are you kidding?

This is unacceptable.

What's going on here?

The fuck is wrong with you?
You're sitting over there

with a closet full
of fucking toilet paper?

I just moved in here.
This used to be a CVS.

- Shame on you, Albert Brooks.
- Come back! I've got flu shots!

You've done a lot of voices
for animated stuff.

I did a lot
of Simpsons characters.

Everybody on The Simpsons,

when Albert came in,
it was New Year's Eve for them.

Homer, on your way out,

if you wanna kill somebody,
it would help me a lot.

(LAUGHS)

The key to motivation is trust.
Let me show you what I mean.

I want you to close your eyes
and fall backwards

and I'll catch you.

That's gonna show you what trust
is all about.

- Ready?
- All right.

Three, two--

- (TELEPHONE RINGS)
- One second. Hello?

- (HOMER SCREAMS)
- Oh, my God.

A guy's on the floor.

You never saw
writers aggressively

not care about their script...
(LAUGHS)

...because of what Albert
would do when he came in.

- Meet me tomorrow for brunch.
- What's brunch?

You'd love it.
It's not quite breakfast,

it's not quite lunch.

But it comes with a slice
of cantaloupe at the end.

You don't get completely
what you would at breakfast

but you get a good meal.

- Nemo!
- Daddy!

Nemo! I'm coming, Nemo!

Dad!

- MARLIN: Nemo!
- Dad!

(SIGHS) Thank goodness.
It's all right, son.

How did you come
to Finding Nemo?

How would--
how did that come about?

They contacted me,
and to convince me,

they flew me up to Pixar.

And they did the cutest thing
I've ever seen.

They took a scene
from Defending Your Life

and put it in the fish's mouth.

Look, I'm guilty. I didn't make
enough money, okay?

Call me a hippie,
send me to hell. I give up.

I said, "All right. I'm in."

Hey, you're a clownfish.
You're funny, right?

Hey, tell us a joke.

FISH: Yeah, come on.
Give us a funny one.

Well, actually,
that's a common misconception.

Clownfish are no funnier
than any other fish.

There's a story I heard that, uh,

when you went
to the first preview--

It was the premier.
And I think Jake was maybe four.

- Right.
- And after that fish

killed everybody but my one son,
he ran out of the theater.

I was old enough
to kind of understand

that, like,
that was my dad's voice.

But I was young enough to--
to not understand what I was.

And my mom would say,

"That's you. That's Daddy.
That's you. That's you."

Then I go to the movie.

And in my mind,
I'm genuinely Nemo.

Like, I'm the fish.
There's no difference.

And then one scene in,

the mom gets, like,
murdered by this fish.

You know,
I'm processing the death.

And I'm crying,
and we had to leave.

Then my mom had to be like,
"No, no, no!

I'm here. I'm here.
It's not real."

Finding Nemo kind of took
the world by storm.

I remember I was, like, nine.

It was my first time
going to sleepaway camp

and I was so homesick
and nervous.

I would cry a lot.
And then all of a sudden,

Finding Nemo was playing
on the bus.

I didn't know anyone.

I was just sitting there,
watching my dad,

like, "It's gonna be okay."

There, there, there.
It's okay. Daddy's here.

♪ (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

MARLIN: Daddy's got you.

And then you also wrote a book?

I did. I was very proud
of that book,

called Twenty Thirty,

The Real Story
of What Happens to America.

And I wanted to do
a real near future story.

The main conflict of this

is the olds
versus the younger generations.

Yes. I feel and I can see it
in my own children

that in a number of years,
these younger people

are gonna try to kill us.

- (LAUGHS)
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

You mind
if I would do something?

- No, please.
- 'Cause I know, in this--

in the mass world of media,
things don't get attention

- unless they go viral.
- Right. Right.

Would you mind if I hold this up
and kiss you on the lips?

Please?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)

The president, as you know,

has a pretty darn good
sense of humor.

And he felt that maybe
the only way

to really understand somebody

was to see
what makes them laugh.

ALBERT: Looking for Comedy
in the Muslim World

was an interesting experience.

FRED THOMPSON: We'd like for you
to head up a project.

Take a month,
go to India and Pakistan,

write a 500-page report,

and tell us what makes
the Muslims laugh.

You'd be doing a hell
of a service for your country.

Things were getting crazy
in our world.

- ROB: Right.
- And... I sort of wanted to show

that you could say the word
"Muslim" and not be killed.

Tonight's a very special night
because by what you laugh at,

you're gonna teach me
who you are.

Why is there no Halloween
in India?

'Cause they took away
the Gandhi.

All right. I've been, you know,

touring around
your lovely country.

I was in Kashmir last weekend.

Went to visit
one of my sweaters.

You know what I'm thinking here?
And possibly this is our fault

because we put a couple
of different languages

on the fliers.

How many understand me?

If you speak English,
would you raise your hand?

How many? All of you? Oh, God.

The picture was supposed
to come out in the fall.

They had made all the posters.
They had made everything.

Then the Danish cartoons happened.

- Oh, yes, yes.
- And Sony said,

"We can't release a movie
with the word 'Muslim' in it."

And they said,
"If you don't change it

to Looking for Comedy,
we're not gonna release it."

And I said, "I made the movie
for the title. It's the point."

So, after a big studio drops you
for a specific reason,

other studios start to go,
"Maybe they know something.

- Why do we wanna--"
- Yeah, yeah.

So, anyway,
they threw us to the curb

and we went
with Warner Independent.

- Right.
- I remember, we had a meeting.

You know, these meetings

where they give you
the advertising plan.

And I came in
and I was waiting for, you know,

what television stations, what--

And they were trying
to make it a good thing.

"We're not gonna go TV."

- (LAUGHS)
- ALBERT: "Really?"

"No, no. The world's changing.

We're gonna do something
much more interesting."

"What?"

"Well, we're gonna do
a little thing on Jdate."

"Oh, God!" And you leave saying,

"It's dead.
There's nothing I can do."

Wow. Wow.

Now, let me tell you
the funny thing.

You know where
the movie premiered?

- At the Dubai Film Festival.
- ROB: Wow.

They asked me to watch it
with the head, the sheikh.

Right.

So, I went up there
into this little balcony.

It's five of his friends

and five women sitting
in the other section.

And people were just
on the phone the whole time.

- Wow. Yeah, yeah.
- But I had a joke in that movie

that I was waiting to see
what they would do.

And that's when I was in India
interviewing assistants.

I interviewed one after another
after another.

And this one woman came

and I asked her
all these questions.

"Do you think you know--
Do you know the city?

Can you type?"

And then she said,
"I can do all of that.

I have a question for you."

You're not a Jew, are you?

Um... not... this minute.

I mean, sometimes I-- I am.

How much of the time?

Part-time.

And I was waiting for that,
sitting next to the sheikh.

You know,
and he got off his phone.

"You're not a Jew, are you?"
Off the phone.

Looked up at the screen.
"Not all the time."

- Big laugh.
- ROB: Wow.

- Big laugh from the women.
- ROB: Wow.

Back to the phones.

ROB: I mean,
I'm listening to all of this

and I'm getting a person
who's been defending his life.

You've been defending yourself
against--

- Every goddamn minute.
- ROB: Yeah. (LAUGHS)

- And it still doesn't stop.
- ROB: Yeah. Yeah.

It just enters another phase
of defending.

Yeah.

I had a very famous agent
and he said to me,

"I don't know why
you always take the hard road."

- ROB: Yeah, yeah.
- And my answer was,

"You think I see two roads...

- and I don't."
- ROB: Wow.

"If there was an easy road,
I'd have a house there."

I said,
"What do you think, I get up,

I can't wait
for the goddamn trouble

I'm gonna get into?"

I said,
"I don't see-- I see one road!"

- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
- This... is the real me.

Thank you very much.

I hope to see you again
some time.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, CHEERING)

♪ (BRIGHT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

- ♪ (SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- I remember,

the first time
I met him was here.

- ROB: At-- at our house?
- Yeah.

And he came up, and he said some
nice complimentary things to me.

And I thought,
"Oh, well--" I mean, that was--

- that was a big night for me...
- ROB: Yeah. Yeah.

...that I had
Albert Brooks's approval.

- ROB: Wow.
- That really meant a lot to me.

I-- I met Albert
with Garry Shandling.

And we went out
to dinner with him.

I remember I went home

and wrote down
everything Albert said.

- (ROB LAUGHING)
- (LAUGHS)

I think my main memory of him
is, like, him in the house

in a bathrobe, like,
kind of just moseying around,

but he had this, like,
lion brain where he would just,

like, you know,
he's so freaking smart.

I am, like, the hardest
to get a laugh out of,

so he always likes to imitate me
when he tells jokes

and it's like--
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) You know?

(CHUCKLES) That's it.

He's such a mensch, you know?
Such a mensch.

When I was, like, invited
to go on a walk with him,

it was like-- I felt like
I had done something right

in my comedic career.

He suggested,
"Well, we could get together."

And he said, "You know,

if that's not a good time
for you, you can say 'No.'"

He said, "You won't be hurting
my feelings."

He said, "I left my feelings

on the Warner Brothers lot
in 1978."

- (LAUGHS)
- (ROB LAUGHING)

I think he unapologetically
played to the band,

you know, which was cool.

If you're watching it,
you enjoyed it.

Because if you got it,
you really felt special.

Just fearless, funny.

- He's so fucking hot.
- (ROB LAUGHING)

- He got a wife?
- ROB: Yes.

Yeah. Okay.

Well, you know, I was gonna
offer up my uterus but...

- ROB: I see.
- ...I'm cool.

If I could get one tattoo,

maybe I'd get the nest egg
tattooed somewhere on my body.

He will always be
a filmmaker's filmmaker.

You had to put him with Woody
and Chaplin and those people

who controlled all parts
of their film,

who made it
an extension of themselves.

And what you didn't want
to happen

watching an Albert Brooks movie,

you'd never wanted the scenes

- to ever end.
- ROB: Wow.

It's just a body
of work over time

that is so singular,
and impressive, and hilarious,

and heartbreaking.

I would rather have
Albert's career than my career.

ROB: Wow.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪