All language subtitles for the monkeky English (SDH SRT).eng

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[wind blowing]

[whoosh]

[laser firing]

[vocalization]

["Do Lafzon Ki Hai" by Bachchan,
Bhosle and Kumar plays]

[traditional Italian music
sang in Hindi and Italian]

♪♪

[song playing faintly from the backroom]

[door opening, chime dinging]

[bell ringing]

[man panting]

[man] Hi, there

[exhales] Hey

[owner] You've got a fair amount
of blood on you there, sir.

Oh Huh

[chuckles]

Yeah, it's not even mine It was just this

[sighs]

Never mind.

Hey, listen, I need you to take
this thing off my hands,

just make it someone else's
problem, you know?

I mean, I thought my boys
were gonna love it, but, uh.

Let me tell you, man, they will not.

No, it's not, uh a toy,

so just don't ever call it that.

It's a, uh.

It's.

Actually, I don't know exactly what it is.

Besides, it appears to be broken.

See, the drumstick seems
to be stuck in the up position.

You do not want the goddamn
drumstick to come down.

Okay?

Because when it does,

I promise you, we are all fucked to hell.

Okay?

[circus music, drumming]

Woah Oh.

Okay

[circus music and drumming continue]

[circus music and drumming stop]

[Italian song playing softly
from backroom]

Well, sir, can't speak for you,

but, heh, I don't feel
especially fucked to hell

[dramatic tone]

[whirring]

[heavy thump]

[ominous music rising]

Hot dog

[distorted backroom music]

Who's smiling now,
you infernal son of a whore?

[dramatic music]

[screaming]

YEAH!

[screaming halts]

[Hal] I don't know if every father

passes some secret horror onto his kids.

But mine sure did

["Let the Good Times Roll"
by Shirley and Lee starts]

♪ Come on, baby, while the thrill is on ♪

♪ Come on, baby, let's have some fun ♪

♪ Come on, baby, let the good times roll ♪

♪ Roll all night long ♪

My name is Hal Shelborn.

This is me and my twin brother, Bill.

Well, this is us before everything.

Bill was the kind of kid
who would say, "Shake on it,"

but then pull his hand back
and pretend to slick his hair.

He was older than me by three minutes

and ate most of my mum's placenta.

So that made him my "big" brother.

A role he took seriously.

And he treated me like shit
whenever he got the chance

[Young Bill] I've been meaning to tell you.

Mum says she hates you
because you made dad leave,

and now she has to go on dates.

[Hal] But I managed to love him anyway,

even if I did sometimes fantasise

about being an only child

[Young Hal] I hate you, Bill Shelborn

[squishing sound]

[slow jazz music]

[Hal] My mum raised us on her own

for as long as she could, at least.

And my mum,

well, I can remember her perfectly,

like it was yesterday.

[Lois] Your father.

Well, your father went out
for a pack of cigarettes

and never came back.

[Lois tsks]

[Lois] Just made like an egg and

scrambled.

And sure, sure,

I could have been
one of his stewardesses, but,

of course, the deadbeat
never took me anywhere.

He just brought back

Swiss cuckoo clocks and bonsai trees.

[Lois] Knick-knacks and souvenirs

to stuff our closet full.

And one day, my darling boys,

all that horse shit will be yours.

[Hal] We knew my mum thought
it was a bunch of junk.

But for Bill and me,

Dad's closet was full of clues
to who he was.

There she is.

Old deadbeat's disguise

[mysterious melody]

The hell's that thing from?

Paris, France or something?

It says, "Organ Grinder Monkey".

"Like Life."

You mean "lifelike," dumb shit.

No.

[Young Hal] What?

[Young Bill] Give me that thing.

Here

[ominous tone]

You think this does junk if I turn this?

Don't, Bill It's Dad's.

Dad's gone, fuck face.

And I'm his next of "skin,"

so legally, everything in here's mine

[key winding clicks]

[whirring]

[gasps]

[clicking]

[whirring]

[whirring stops]

Stupid thing's broken anyway.

Don't come in our room, dumb shit.

Shotgun, obviously

Christ, what's worse than a blind date?

I'd rather take my chances

and kiss a goddamn frog
and see what happens.

Okay, boys!

[Lois] Uh, no soda
after you brush your teeth,

and no fires,

and no video games
because of the last fire.

[Annie] I tried to tell them no fires,

but these boys are nothing but willish.

[Lois] Thank you, babysitter Annie

I'll be home by midnight

[sinister music]

[sighs] Okay, boys,

I've got only one rule for tonight.

Keep your hands off
the hot parts of the table.

Okay?

I'll try, but.

I'm just a man.

Bill, knock it off

[lively music]

[knives clanking]

[ominous music]

[muffled conversations]

[ominous music]

[lively music]

[circus music and drumming]

[distant circus music]

[circus music and drumming continue]

[circus music and drumming continue]

[circus music and drumming end]

[faint squishing]

[patrons screaming]

Holy sh...

[church organ]

[Hal] Maybe an experience like that

could have brought me and Bill closer.

But it turned out one freak tragedy

wasn't going to be nearly enough.

Fuck.

How is her head still together?

[whispering] Sh Sh Sh.

Don't think about it too much

[priest] Oh, fuck.

Uuuuhhh.

Oh, yeah.

Today, we are here with Annie Wilkes.

Gone by accident

rather, in an accident

because, you know, there's no accidents.

Um Is there a divine plan?

Sure, you know, uh, maybe.

Call it a coin toss,
you know, heads or tails, heh.

But not Annie's head

because that is,

uh, separate.

That's a separate issue Uh.

Uh You know, why her, though, right?

Why Annie?

Why not you?

Or you?

[inaudible]

Everything for a reason, yeah, totally.

And it is what it is.

Uuuhhh.

It is what it is.

The word of the Lord

[all] Amen.

Everything is an accident.

Or nothing is an accident.

Either way, same thing.

It's not if or even how.

It's only when.

Everybody dies.

And that's life.

I'll die.

And you will both die.

And all of your friends and their parents

and all of their pets and everybody.

Some of us peacefully in our sleep.

And some of us horribly

violently, tied up with a clothesline,

and screaming through
duct tape over our mouths

and all that jazz

[sombre music]

And to hell with it.

Come on, let's go dancing.

["Rip It Up" by Little Richard plays ]

♪ Well, it's Saturday night
and I just got paid ♪

♪ Fool about my money,
don't try to save ♪

♪ My heart say "Go go, have a time" ♪

♪ 'Cause Saturday night
and I'm feelin' fine ♪

♪ I'm gonna rock it up ♪

♪♪

♪ I'm gonna rip it up ♪

♪♪

♪ I'm gonna shake it up ♪

♪♪

♪ Gonna ball it up ♪

♪ I'm gonna rock it up And ball tonight ♪

♪♪

♪ Got me a date and I won't be late ♪

[Hal] It might have been
on the day of a funeral,

but that probably was
the happiest day of my life.

[school bell ringing]

It's funny how quickly that can change

[Florence] Hey, kid.

Your brother says
your dad left your mum.

Lit out to Paris, France to buy cigarettes

'cause you're a big fat baby
who cried all the time.

[Pepper] And man,
don't your mum deserve better?

I mean, don't she?

Um - [Florence] I guess that means

your mum would be wearing
the pants in the house now, huh?

I think that's how it works, yeah.

[Pepper] Aw, but

see, you're wearing pants.

And two people can't be wearing

the pants in the house at the same time.

So, looks like you got yourself
a bit of a pants problem, kid

[sighs]

[Lois] Honey, I'm making PB&J.

[Lois, from the kitchen]
Oh, and how am I?

Oh, I'm great! I love slaving
over my two sons all day long

[sighs]

[dramatic music rising]

- [music stops]
- Mum!

[Lois] Yeah?

Why'd you put
Dad's weird monkey in our room?

You know I don't go in there anymore

since I found that stiff sock.

Oh, yeah

[ominous music rising]

[suspenseful music]

You didn't have anything to do

with my babysitter's head, right?

- That'd be like...
- Yo!

[Young Bill] You really got
the hots for that thing, huh?

[Young Hal] I... I don't - It's all good.

You can have it, but

all you gotta do is say you wanna marry it.

But I don't wanna marry it.

Say, "I wanna be Mrs Stupid Monkey"

I wanna be Mrs Stupid Monkey.

Now say.

"I wanna suck its banana."

No, Bill, no - [Young Bill] Say it!

Or I'll eat the rest of your placenta, bitch.

I wanna suck its banana.

All right We have a deal.

You can have the monkey

[laughs] Idiot

[video narrator]
Between the ages of 12 and 15,

the penis takes on a life of its own

and becomes sensitive

to physical and emotional horseplay.

Around this time,

the opposite sex becomes
both appealing and horrifying

[unsettling music]

Yo, Mrs Torrance!

Hal Shelborn's jerking
his monkey under his desk!

[whole class laughing]

[laughter echoing, tense music]

[inaudible conversations]

[tense music rising]

Honey, I'm making devil's food

I don't fucking want any!

Language!

[footsteps pounding down stairs]

[Lois] What are you,
a sailor in a shipyard?

[dramatic music]

You

[huffing]

It's because of you
that deadbeat Bill this to me

[rapid breathing]

You know who I'm talking about,
don't you?

That arsehole kid
who lives in here with me

that's Bill.

You wanna know something else?

I wish Bill was dead

[winding clicks]

[rapid whirring]

[cl I c k]

[whirring]

[whirring stops]

Hey, Mum, you home?

Is dinner ready?

Mum?

[circus music and drumming]

Mum?

You're not even making it yet?

[Lois groans]

[circus music and drumming continue]

[circus music and drumming stop]

[raspy groans]

[guttural sigh]

What the fuck?!

[tense music rising]

[Young Hal] Oh, shit

[loud pop]
- [Young Bill] MUMMY!

[church organ]

[Hal] The doctors called
what happened to my mum

a boomerang aneurysm.

But I was the only one
who knew what it really was.

They said chances of it happening

were one in 44 million.

And that's just another way to say

it has to happen to somebody.

And that's how it works.

You turn the key
and the drumsticks go up.

They come down again when it chooses

who it wants to kill next.

It kills who it wants when it feels like it.

And it doesn't owe you an explanation.

It doesn't take requests.

It's true what it says on the box.

It's just like life

[priest] Uh son,

- perhaps it's best if you...
- Shut up!

[organ stops playing]

Hey, Mum!

Mum, wake up!

[soft sigh]

Mum?

[Young Bill chuckles]

Mum, that's a funny joke!

MUM!

Wake up

[sad music]

Okay, you can keep talking.

Oh.

[Uncle Chip sighing deeply]

[Chip] You know, your Aunt Ida
and your Uncle Chip

never wanted kids.

Nah.

Always just kind of preferred
a life where you sit down

and you don't stand up again
until you want to.

Also, we're swingers, but.

Oh, well

[sighs]

And I want you to know

we're gonna do our very best
with you boys.

It's just that our very best might be

pretty bad

[unsettling music]

[ominous music]

Oh oh, fuck

[heavy breathing]

- Fuck!
- [squelching]

[ominous music]

What the fuck?

[squelching]

[tense music]

Fuck

[ominous drumming]

- [Hal grunting]
- [drumming]

[tense music rising]

[squelching]

[heavy breathing]

[knife clank]

[Hal] I put the pieces in a garbage bag

and made sure it got on a garbage truck.

And I assumed that would be
the end of it

["I Shall Be Released" by Nina Simone]

But after that,

Bill and I were never the same.

I mean, we looked the same
because we were twins,

and, well, you know what I mean.

Aunt Ida and Uncle Chip
picked up Bill and me

and moved us to Maine.

And I guess I hoped we'd left
the worst of it behind us

♪ They say everything can be replaced ♪

♪ They say every distance is not near ♪

♪ So I remember every face ♪

♪ Of every man who put me here ♪

[song playing softly in background]

You going to take off your suit, Bill?

If I take it off,
then I'll have to put it back on

as soon as there's another funeral.

But if I don't take it off,

then I won't have to put it back on.

So there won't be any more funerals

[climbing footsteps]

[light panting]

[Ida] Sleep tight, you two

[spring pops out]

♪ I shall be ♪

♪ Released ♪

[muffled TV show]

Here comes trouble, here it comes!

[faint crackling]

[porch light crackling]

[insects chirping]

[ominous music slowly rising]

[ominous music]

[unsettling music]

[Young Bill] Why the hell did you bring it?

I didn't I chopped it up.

Don't look chopped up to me.

I'm telling you, Bill,

it's a bad monkey.

It's a bad, magic, killer monkey.

You think it killed Babysitter Annie?

Maybe Probably I... I don't know.

I was going to marry that girl.

I know you were, Bill.

We should try it on purpose to
see if anyone else we know dies.

No, we shouldn't I mean,
what if it gets one of us?

Then I promise to pretend
to be sad when you're dead.

Yeah, me too.

You think it could kill the
person who turns the key or not?

How the hell should I know?

Do you think Mum turned it?

[sombre music]

I'm gonna try it.

Don't, Bill...

[church organ]

[Hal] It was a hunting accident,
but not the usual kind.

Uncle Chip was trampled
by a stampede of 67 wild horses

in his sleeping bag on a camping trip

[horses neighing]

I overheard the undertaker say that,

when they dumped the body out,

it looked like someone
had drop-kicked a cherry pie.

[squelching]

[Young Bill] I don't mind much
that Uncle Chip's gone.

He was kind of an arsehole.

I just mind more that I feel
pretty good it wasn't me.

But it's got to be done, you know?

To keep it away from the people

who might feel really good about using it,

like the Nazis and Russians

and "Iran-qis" and whatnot.

[Hal] We knew that
it couldn't be destroyed,

so we hoped
that we could maybe contain it.

Just get rid of it

[chain rattling]

Make it go the fuck away

[sinister music]

And for a long time, anyway,

it really seemed like it had.

[insects chirping]

[creaking]

[circus music playing in the distance]

[soft gasp]

[bubbling]

[circus music continues in distance]

[ominous music rising]

[circus music continues]

[circus music stops]

[ominous music]

[soft rattling]

[pull chain clicks]

[light bulb buzzing]

[light clicks]

[creaking]

[stair cracks]

[dramatic tone]

[shrill shriek]

[ragged breathing]

Ah!

[whimpering]

[sharp inhale, exhale]

[unsettling music]

[gas leaking]

[sniffing]

[gas leaking]

[range knob clicks]

[screaming]

[dramatic music]

[faint screaming]

[insects chirping]

[screaming]

♪♪

[squelching]

[Hal] I haven't seen the monkey
since we threw it down the well,

but it feels like only a matter
of time before it comes back.

[muzak]

This is me today.

I pretty much lost all contact with Bill,

and I'm good with that.

He was kind of an arsehole anyways.

I don't have any friends,

and I do my best
to stay away from family

for fear that if the monkey returns,

it'll kill someone close to me.

But staying away from family,

[man] Excuse me!

That's easier said than done

[woman] Well, fuck your mother!

Hey, Dwayne.

[Dwayne] Oh, man! Come in, come in.

Oh no, it's cool

I gotta run early today
I gotta pick up my kid.

Wait, you got a kid?

Shit, man, that sucks.

Does it live with you?

Uh, no, no he doesn't,

but I get to see him once a year,

so I'm taking him to Horror Heaven.

Yeah.

Roller coasters, I guess.

Once a year?

Shit, man, that sucks.

I bet your ex-wife's
some type of mega bitch, huh?

Huh?

Oh! No, the once-a-year thing,
that was my idea.

It turns out I'm kind of
a bad influence, you know.

"Here comes trouble."

Who, you?

It's not like, you know,

I beheld a pale horse,
and on it was a pale rider,

and the rider's name was,
you know, Death.

But, uh.

Yeah, there has been some death.

Shit, man, that sucks

[country rock music playing on radio]

Pff! Jet skis, come on Douchebag

[sighs]

[deep breath]

"Love Hal."

Fuck

[deep inhale, exhale]

[Ted] Feel that parental energy

transferred from you to me.

[Ted chuckling]

[loud kissing sound] [Ted chuckling]

Petey's been asking about you
more and more, Hal.

And it's breaking our hearts.

About me?

What about me? Why?

[Petey's Mum] Because you're his father.

And he's doing
a family tree school project.

And like it or not,
you're one of the branches.

Look, I

[sighs] I care about Petey

I do Like, I.

[Hal] I care about him a lot, like, a lot, lot.

Just now, when we were
on the couch together,

I took your power.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, I never said
you could take my power.

It doesn't matter anymore

Ted has decided

to legally adopt Petey - What?

[Petey's Mum] And once
the adoption's finalized

it won't be necessary
for you to see Petey at all.

But you can't just do that.

He can't just do that.

[Ted] As the leading expert in my field,

can't I?

Listen, you and Petey have this time.

So just take the week,

lock in some nice memories,

and then cleanly cut it off.

Like a vestigial tail.

That's what you want Isn't it?

No It's not what I want

I want to spend time with Petey
It's just, you know

[sighs] Vestigial?

It means something
that has become functionless,

and as a result, is no longer necessary

- I know what it means, Ted.
- I'm sure you do

I do - Well, I have your power, so.

Well, I peed in one of
your bushes on the way in, so.

Well, this is the part where
I suggest that we arm wrestle.

What? Arm wrestle for what?

For all the marbles.

And by marbles, I am, of course,
referring to your little balls.

- My...
- Hey.

[Petey's Mum] Honey.

Oh, Petey Hey.

Hey, buddy.

What are you guys talking about?

[crow croaking]

[wind blowing]

[crow croaking]

[muffled conversations]

[wind blowing]

[ominous tone]

[grunts]

[crow croaking]

[unsettling music]

[inaudible]

[Thrasher's Mum] What do you mean,

it reminds you of your dad?

[soft music playing in the background]

You talking about the shit-eating grin

or the hairy back and arms?

[parrot squawking]

[Thrasher] Do you ever
wonder where he is?

Dad, I mean.

Baby, that ain't worth it.

But if you're really looking for an answer,

I'd have to go with either

at a card table or under a hooker.

[Thrasher] Oh, sick, Ma Come on.

Gross

[parrot squawking]

Hey, Beauchamps, honey,

you want a drag?

[exhales deeply]

But are you still thinking
of selling that monkey thing

to the nut who never leaves his house?

I mean, have you ever
even met this guy face to face?

Sounds like a real fucking pervert to me

[thunder growling]

So, do you have any brothers or sisters?

Is that your family tree thing?

What gave it away?

Okay.

So, um

brothers, sisters?

Yes, no?

Uh no.

No to both?

Yeah, no, neither.

Only child just like me.

[Petey scribbling]

And, uh, what's your mum's name?

Um.

Lois.

My mum's name was

Lois

[deep inhale]

Hey, uh Oof.

It's getting kind of late, darn

I should get you some, uh,
some dinner, huh?

Only if you want me to, like, survive.

[Hal sighs]

[Petey scribbling]

Cool

[pool water rippling]

[light snoring]

[whirring]

[cl I c k]

[ominous drumbeat]

[muffled beat]

[psychedelic music
accompanied by drumbeat]

[Young Bill] Say it, or I'll eat
the rest of your placenta.

[Young Bill] I promise
to pretend to be sad

when you're dead.

[Young Bill] What the fuck?!

[music and drumbeat stop]

[dramatic music]

- [knife slashing]
- [sharp inhale]

[Hal grunting]

Christ.

[Hal] What the fuck?

[ominous music]

[beeping]

[air vent blowing]

[rattling]

[sharp exhale]

[soft sigh]

[phone vibrating]

Hello.

[Bill] Well, hello, dumb shit

[tense music]

Bill.

[Bill] Can't be the only person
who calls you dumb shit.

How did you know how to reach me, Bill?

I haven't heard from you
in, what, five years?

Haven't seen you in something like 10?

[Bill] Nine and eleven,
and those are just numbers.

The police gave me yours.

What do you mean, the police?

[Bill] I have news.

Aunt Ida is no more.

Oh, shit.

Well, I guess she was kind of old.

Was she sick or something?

[Bill] Actually, it seems the old girl

was having somewhat of a renaissance,

putting her house on the market,
cleaning out her closet.

The nice young policewoman I spoke to

used the phrase, "freak accident".

Okay, and? What?

[Bill] Someone has to go
through her belongings,

and you're the next of kin.

Technically, you're the next of kin, Bill.

This is my week with Petey, so no.

[Bill] Your week? That's
all you get with your son?

- Also, you're weak
- What do you want, Bill?

[Bill] Go to Aunt Ida's house
and make sure "it" isn't there.

"It" is at the bottom of a well.

[Bill] "It" can teleport and you know it.

Why don't you bring Petey along, hmm?

Let him see you
being brave for a change

Jesus.

[Bill] What do fathers
and their estranged sons

say to each other?

Road trip?

Why would it be at Aunt Ida's anyway?

[Bill] Because it's
attached itself to our family

and likes to kill us.

And I don't want to die, and presumably

you don't want Petey to die either

[Hal] And what if I find it, huh?

What am I supposed to do,

drop it from a fucking plane?
It'll probably bounce!

[Bill] No, you never let it out
of your sight again,

so no one turns the key.

Presumably you don't want Petey to...

Stop talking about Petey.

[Bill] The monkey must be vanquished.

Why don't you vanquish it, huh, Bill?

[Bill] You're smaller, you go

[rattling]

Bill Bi Fuck!

- Fuck!
- [electricity crackling]

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

Fuck! What the fuck?

Is that a leg? Fuck!

[heavy breathing]

[door opening and closing]

[rapid breathing]

[muffled scream]

[muffled screams]

[heavy breathing]

Okay, okay.

Petey, wake up Come on - What?

We gotta go Let's go - What time is it?

What the fuck?

Hey, language.

And we gotta go, all right?

There was a thing outside.

It wasn't a thing.

It was a woman,
and either way, we gotta split.

All right? So come on, let's go.

It's the middle of the night Are you high?

No, I wish, Jesus Christ.

No, don't do drugs I mean it.

But come on, let's go Hurry up

I'm going to bed.

WE GOTTA MAKE LIKE EGGS
AND SCRAMBLE!

[car engine rumbling]

[Hal] Hey, Petey, uh sorry about that.

It's just that my aunt Ida died,

and I gotta deal with a lot of her stuff.

Can I ask you a question?

I'd really rather you didn't.

How'd your mum die?

[Hal] Is this for your family tree thing?

Because usually family trees
are about the whos

and the whens, not the whys
and the, you know, how.

Was your aunt the one that
raised you after your mum died?

Uh, yeah [clears throat]

Yeah, yeah, she did.

Maybe you could, uh,

take me to your aunt's house with you

I could help you with her stuff and...

You're not coming with me, Petey.

Why not?

Because it's depressing, all right?

We were supposed to go
to a theme park,

not into, you know

[sighs]

Darkness and death

I know about the adoption, Hal.

Oh.

And so you can either just

cut me off and cut this off,

or we can spend

the rest of the little time
that we have left together

together.

I wonder which one
Lois would have chosen

[soft music]

[Lois humming]

What are you doing
in here all alone, Hal?

Or do I not want to know?

Just thinking, I guess.

[Lois] Oh, yeah?

- About what?
- [Hal] I don't know.

The future

[drawer opens, closes]

You got any advice?

[Lois] Um, well

take care of your teeth.

And take care of your gut.

And take life as it comes.

You know, the worst thing
you can do is try to force it.

But really, I think
that the most important thing

for you to remember is

try not to kill everybody around you

[ominous music]

[screaming]

[gasping, heavy breathing]

Petey? Pe.

Petey?

Petey?

Hey, Petey, buddy?

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck

[suspenseful music]

[rhythmic banging]

[suspenseful music rising]

Check it out There's a place in town.

- They do skydiving lessons.
- [door closes]

I feel like it's one of those things

where you're either
really good at it or you aren't.

It only takes one lesson to find out

[nervous chuckle]

Hey, funny.

That's that's funny.

Yeah? Well, you're kind of funny too, Hal.

[Petey] Oh, and they do weddings.

Hey, uh, do me a favour, all right?

Uh, wait in the car while I deal with this.

What? No way

I want to see your old room
like they do in the movies.

No, Petey.

Why not?

Just because because I said so.

All right Fine.

Then I have to go number two.

What? Why didn't you go at the motel?

There's a lot you don't know
about me, Hal.

For instance,

I'm one of those kids
that can only go poo in a house

[sighing] Are you being serious?

[clicks tongue]

It's a tough bet to lose, Hal

[dramatic tone]

Jesus Christ.

Hi.

Hey there Sorry Ah [woman chuckles]

Oh, window won't go down.

Yeah, okay - Hey there.

- How are you?
- Hi! I'm Barbara.

Hi - You must be Hal Shelborn.

Your brother Bill Shelborn
said you'd be coming.

Oh, yeah, right, right.

Uh, hi, Barbara Yeah.

[Barbara] That brother Bill of yours

is quite the character, isn't he?

Yeah - Your brother Bill, I mean!

Yes, yes He's quite the character Yeah.

Yeah Wow, who's this little slugger?

Oh, this is, uh, this is my son, Petey.

Oh, hello there.

Oh, no, thanks, Barbara

I'm just a kid
who doesn't buy many houses.

But I also didn't know
that I have an uncle.

So, yeah, thanks for that.

Um, it's funny, because
I actually asked Hal here

if he had any siblings yesterday.

But he flat out lied to my face.

Well - But it's cool.

He's only going to be my dad for, like,

a few more days anyway,

'cause he's being swapped out
for a leading expert.

Yeah - Okay

[nervous chuckle]

Well - So no card Okay.

No card, yeah - Let's see the house.

Were you and your aunt very close?

Uh, sure Very.

Is this all her stuff?

I felt like she had more stuff.

[Barbara] Oh, well,
we did have that estate sale

the day after she died.

We had a great turnout, too.

We must have made over $100, ha!

Right.

[Barbara] Okay.

Now, let's see,
that would have been on Sunday,

because ever since Monday,

things have been
a bit, uh, messy around here.

Yeah Your aunt, of course, was Monday

[screaming]

[Barbara] And then, oh Lord,

first thing Tuesday,
it was Mitch McDonald

[crunching]

[dramatic music]

[Barbara] And then Wednesday
was Burt Burgerson

[screaming]

[steam hiss]

[body thud]

[Barbara] And then Nancy Risoli

[snake hissing]
- [inaudible screaming]

But there aren't any cobras
in Maine, I mean, are there?

Well, there was the one.

[Barbara chuckles]

No, every day since Monday,

at least one Casco local has just poof!

Sometimes two or three or four

or even five Casco locals have just poof.

- Right OK.
- [Barbara] And poof and poof!

Great, yeah, yeah, no, I get it.

Could we look at the other
closet? It's this way, I think.

Absolutely, follow me.

Poof! [Chuckles]

[muffled music playing in earbuds]

You're fucking twins?

You know, my mother used to always say

whenever there was a plane crash

or a school bus going off into the river

and mass fatalities or what have you.

She used to always say,

"Looks like God's bowling strikes tonight"

[both laughing]

Oh, that's odd

I don't remember locking this.

Hey, you wouldn't happen to remember

if my aunt had a wind-up
toy monkey at the yard sale?

Oh, no, I don't think so.

Oh, not a cherished
childhood memory, now, was it?

Oh, a first little furry friend

filled with whimsy and wonder?

No, it's no big deal Thanks.

Okay.

[Barbara chuckling]

[Barbara] Nope, not that one [chuckles]

[ominous music]

[Hal] How are we doing with that key?

[Barbara] Oh Don't you worry
your pretty little head.

Oh mercy, did I say that out loud?

[laughing]

Watch out!

You are pretty, though

[faint circus music]

[circus music continues]

- [Barbara] Oh!
- You know what?

- I think we should go down.
- It looks like I did

my own little process of elimination!

- [gun cocks]
- No, no, no!

[faint thud]

[Petey] Everything okay up there?

[heavy breathing]

Yeah, everything's fine

[ominous music]

[Hal] Oh, fuck

[overlapping chatter]

[Police officer] And you were
just standing there,

hands to yourself, is that right?

Yeah, that's right.

And you knew there was a gun
in the house, or not so much?

Uh, no.

[Police officer] Okay.

I'm gonna have to ask
you don't leave town

until we can figure a few things out.

What? No, no, no, officer

I promised my son
that I was gonna take him

to Horror Heaven - Actually, officer,

we moved off going to Horror Heaven.

This is obviously far more important.

Smart kid - Hmm.

Find a motel

I'd say stay here, but it's
a goddamn mess in there

I mean, have you actually
been up there?

It's like that restaurant.

Spaghetti City.

[Hal] Hey, bud, you wanna go
wait in the car?

Yeah, that's your favourite thing
for me to do anyway, isn't it?

Just stay away

[woman] They're bringing the body out!

[cheering]

[crowd] Let's go, Casco!
Let's go, Casco! Let's go!

[phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

Hello?

[Bill] Hal Shelborn, please,
if he's available.

- Bill?
- Thank goodness.

And Petey? Is he available, too?

Yeah, look, we're fine, but, um.

The monkey's not here.

Aunt Ida had a goddamn
yard sale, so it could've been,

but now it could be
anywhere with anyone.

[Bill] Well, that's not good That's bad.

Yeah, there's all kinds of shit
happening in town,

people dying in not normal ways.

Police told me I can't leave.

[Bill] Go to the motel Await my signal.

Await your fucking signal?!

[sighs]

Wait, Bill, where are you?

Bill, are you living in town?

[beeping dial tone]

[sighs]

[mysterious music]

[muttering] Stupid.

[Hal] Shelborn, Shelborn Argh Nope.

"Mrs Monkey"?

[picks up phone]

[phone ringing]

[answering machine beeping]

[Bill] Hello.

If this is in regards to my ad,

I'm happy to report that my quest

for finding my beloved toy
monkey is over.

Thank you for calling
and be safe out there

[beep]

[key winding clicks]

[dramatic music]

- [key winding clicks]
- [drumbeat]

[key winding clicks]

[tense music rising]

[Bill] At the very moment
you slipped from my fingers,

[chain rattling]

I suddenly knew the terrible
truth about everything.

That my dumb shit brother

had turned your key and killed my mum

[dramatic music]

[Bill] So I went back to get you
as soon as I could.

But you were gone.

Leaving behind a sign
for me and only me.

That one day, you'd be back.

And so I waited.

And for the longest time,

there was nothing.

A hundred percent, pure,
medical-grade nothingness.

But then

there you were.

[heavy breathing]

[dark rock music]

[Bill] Suddenly, everywhere
I looked, you were there

[whirring] Oh, fuck!

As constant as the sun,
the moon, and the stars.

As if you had always been
looking down on me

[whirring]

Letting me know what I had
always wanted to be true.

That you'd come back
to help me seek my revenge.

I returned to the places
where I thought you might be.

Foolishly believing that I could
make you appear again.

Fuck.

That it was I who might find you again.

So I made myself ready for your return.

Reworking my old childhood funeral suit

in anticipation of

more funerals.

And so that I might once again

bear witness to your terrible glory.

Fuck!

So I looked, and behold, a pale horse,

and his name that sat on him was Death.

Mrs Monkey.

And now, here we are.

Together at last.

With only one thing left to do

[dark rock music]

In your infinite wisdom,

I trust your flaming sword
of righteousness

will cut the foul air

and smite the right person.

And I know you know exactly
who I'm talking about

[key winding clicks]

[muzak]

[beeping]

[whirring]

[cl I c k]

[thud]

[sighs]

Shit, man, that sucks

[dramatic tone]
- [strangled gulp]

Shit, man, that sucks! Ah!

[doorbell buzzing]

[Bill] What?

[Thrasher] Um, uh, it's Ricky

[Bill] What is it? I'm extremely busy.

[Thrasher] Okay, yeah, so

I hope this isn't weird,
but I was wondering,

you know, if maybe I could
give you your 15 bucks back

and instead I could just keep
the toy monkey thing.

It's not a toy, don't ever call it that.

[Thrasher] Right, yeah, no,
I thought the same thing too.

It just sort of makes me think
about my dad,

which I know is kind of a weird thing

for, like, a guy to say, like, to another guy.

[chuckles]

Does it hurt very much
when you think, Ricky?

- Well...
- [Bill] "Uh Well, well..."

Did you know that 27%
of all English-speaking people

will either say, "oh, shit"
or "holy shit" before they die?

Now it's funny, because death

is the one big thing
that'll happen to all of us,

and yet we still can't help
but be somehow surprised by it.

Right on, man.

So anyway,

I saw your brother.

He looks like you.

With that's, like, uh

that's, like, your nephew then, huh?

[tense music]

[Bill] What if Petey turned the key?

So so, can I have it back?

[Bill] Never I employed you
to find the monkey,

not to fall in love with it.

Now fuck off.

- [doorbell buzzes]
- [surprised gasp]

[grunting]

Fuck you

[dramatic music]

[instrumental rock music]

Hey, Ma, are you home
or are you at the factory?

Lousy deadbeat.

Yo, Beauchamps!

You got any extra bullets?

[TV show playing faintly]

What calibre?

Hey, you still got
some of Barbara's blood on you.

Yeah.

Accidents happen.

Can I ask you a question?

Ha ha.

Uh, nope.

You ever killed a man?

I [clears throat]

Jesus.

Does Mum know?

No, I haven't killed anybody.

Of course I haven't killed anybody.

Look, when we get back to the
motel, I'm gonna call your mum

and I'm gonna tell her what happened.

She'll think I'm not safe to be around and

she'll be right.

So Ted will just adopt me and

you'll never have to see me again?

[sighs deeply]

You're better off with Ted, all right?

Fuck you, man

[keys jingling]

Hey, Petey

[door slamming and locking]

Well, I'm here if you need me.

[Hal] You just do your thing
in the bathroom, okay?

And if you wanna have a talk,

we can have a proper talk,
all right, buddy?

[tense music]

[phone ringing]

[heavy breathing]

Yes?

[Hal] It's me. You have it, don't you?

I don't know, maybe.

[Hal] Come on, Bill, Mrs Monkey?

I know you are, but what am I?

[Hal] Stop turning the key!

Its arms aren't fucking
long enough or articulate enough

to reach back there itself,
so somebody has to.

And also, no.

[Hal] Jesus fucking Christ, Bill,

these are innocent people.

Look, I I don't care about me.

All that matters is that Petey
is safe, so stop turning it.

If you want me to stop turning the key,

bring Petey to me
so he can turn it instead.

What? No Why?

[Bill] The person who turns
the key never dies.

You've known that since
we were kids, haven't you, Hal?

[Hal] What?

What are you talking about?

Where are you, Bill?

[Bill] If you want Petey to be safe,

all Petey has to do is turn the key

and keep turning the key
forever and ever and ever,

and Petey will never die.

[Hal] Listen to me, Bill, all right?

Let me get Petey out of here,
then we'll talk, all right?

We'll figure out what we're gonna do.

[Bill] Either I keep turning
the key or Petey turns the key.

Call me back when you made
your decision.

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

- Bill, Bi...
- [beeping tone]

Fuck!

[hard breathing]

[Hal] Hey, Petey? Petey?

[knocking on door]

Hey, Petey?

Hey, buddy, we gotta go, all right?

I gotta take you back to your mum's

Petey, open the door! Come on!

[tense music rising]

Petey!

Petey, open the door!

Come on, we gotta go right now!

Jesus Christ [toilet flushing]

Don't have a heart attack.

Or do, you know?
You want out of my life so bad,

it might just be a nice shortcut

Petey, what the fuck?
Why didn't you answer the door?

Why do you care?
Why would you even have a kid

if all you're gonna do is just
keep yourself away from me?

I didn't exactly know
what I was doing, all right?

I was just a stupid, dumb kid.

So I was an accident?
Is that what you're saying?

Everything is an accident, yes.

Wow, nice one.

Great to hear.

I That's not what I

[sad music]

Yes, it was an accident, Petey.

But you are not a mistake.

I'm so glad you're here with me.

You're very precious to me.

But that's why I stay away, because I.

I come with all sorts of weird baggage,

and I don't want you
to have to deal with that.

- Like what?
- [Hal] Like.

Bad stuff, Petey, like

like evil stuff.

Stuff I got from my dad, and I
don't want to pass it on to you.

What are you talking about? Like what?

Like

[loud banging on motel door]

Hold on.

Open up, it's the motherfucking police!

- [loud banging]
- All right, all right

[gun cocks]

Shut up! Shut up and hands up!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Just relax, all right?

- [Thrasher] Sh, sh!
- Just relax, relax.

Get the keys - [Hal] What?

- [Thrasher] COME ON!
- Okay, okay!

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

All right, all right

[heavy breathing]

We're gonna go for a little drive, okay?

Okay, all right

[ominous music]

[car engine rumbling]

[Thrasher] All right, stop here

[keys jingling]

Where are we?

Huh?

[Hal] Where are we?

That's your brother's house!

Or his fortress.

Don't pretend like
you don't know where we are!

I don't know, all right?

We're, you know, we're estranged.

Ah, shit, man, that sucks - [Hal] Thanks.

- [Thrasher] Shut up!
- Okay.

[Thrasher] You, you go inside,

you make nice with your uncle,
you get me the monkey.

- And you bring it out, okay?
- What monkey?

It's It's got a little red vest,

and it holds a drum, and I need it.

Why does this guy know
about a monkey and I don't?

He doesn't know about it
and he's not going in there.

It's a toy monkey?

[Hal] Don't call it that, all right?

It's not It's.

It's evil.

It's basically the devil, all right?

It's a toy monkey

I was gonna tell you
when you were older, okay?

You've been a goddamn deadbeat
dad because of a toy monkey?

What the fuck?

Hey, language, and yes,
but that's why we have to get

as far away from this place as possible.

Seriously, kid, you gotta hope
you get that goddamn monkey,

because I'm gonna shoot this guy.

All right, just let me go in there with him.

Please - No!

[Thrasher] There is a doggy door
around back,

and your kid better hope
that he's scrawny enough to fit.

You don't call the cops or do anything.

You get in there, you get me the monkey,

or I swear I'm gonna shoot
you both, like, a lot of times.

He's not going in there.

- [Thrasher] Shut up!
- All right.

Go.

Hal

this is some fucked up shit.

I know.

So whatever you do,

don't turn the key in the monkey's back

[sombre music]

[Petey] Okay, okay!

[car door opening, beeping]

[tense music]

Fuck

[loud bang]

[ominous music]

Fuck.

[Petey] Huh.

Kinda cool I guess

[wire twangs]

[loud thud]

[tense music]

You're not really a cop, are you?

Shut up! Of course not.

I hate cops.

My dad was a cop.

Still is, for all I know.

You know, my mum said
he was out chasing pussy,

but I'm all like, there's pussy
here in town, you know?

Yeah, I know - [Thrasher] But whatever.

He left.

And that's why I hate cops.

But also they're cops, you know?

Which is the best reason to hate cops.

What the fuck?

[hornets buzzing]

Uh.

What the hell is that doing there?

Hit it with your brights.

Hit it with my brights, okay

[dramatic tone]

Oh, gross! Shut it off!

- Okay!
- [Thrasher] Shut it off!

I'm shutting it off Jesus!

[Bill] In your infinite wisdom,

I trust your flaming sword
of righteousness

will cut the foul air
and strike the right person

and only the right person.

Uncle Bill?

Petey.

What a nice surprise.

- You okay?
- [Bill] Who, me?

[Petey] Yeah.

You.

It's been a long time
since anyone's asked me that.

Now that you mention it.

No.

I'm not okay

[eerie music]

This was my favourite toy from childhood.

It's supposed to play the drums,
but I think it's stuck.

Could you fix it for me?

It was your grandfather's, you know.

He brought it home from one of his trips.

He was a pilot.

He was a Petey too.

Did you know that?

- Hal never tells me anything.
- No, of course, he doesn't.

[Petey] So this is it then, huh?

The thing that messed everyone up?

How could it?

It's just a toy.

Why don't you try turning it, hmm?

Probably just needs a different touch.

There.

Turning the key is just simply something

the Shelborn men have been doing
for generations.

It's a A tradition, if you will.

But if it's not for you, then it's not for you.

[Petey] What does it do?

Turn the key.

See what happens

[tense music]

[key winding clicks]

[whirring]

[rapid whirring]

[arm clicks]

[drumstick whirring]

[hornets buzzing]

[branch creaking]

[branch creaking]

You want me to back up?

No! Don't fucking move.

Hey, okay Okay.

Is it working?

Man, this stupid cop hat!

It's crazy itchy.

What?

[circus music and drumming]

[gunshot]

Jesus fucking Christ!

[panicked breathing]

Let's be careful with that pistol, huh?

[nervous chuckle]

Yeah.

Totally - Yeah Right.

Fuck

[distant circus music]

[circus music and drumming]

[faint circus music]

[Thrasher breathing hard]

[circus music and drumming stop]

Uh

[ominous music rising]

Holy shit!

- [drumbeat]
- [loud buzzing]

- [Thrasher] Shit! Shit!
- Oh!

[strangled gasps]

Jesus Christ! Fuck!

Fuck! Jesus!

- [gunshots]
- FUCK!

[muffled gasp]

[heavy breathing]

Fuck!

[hornets buzzing]

[dramatic tone]

[gasps]

What the fuck?!

[buzzing]

[car door beeping]

Fuck

[car door slams]

[jawbone cracks]

[Hal] PETEY, WHERE ARE YOU?!

- Dad!
- Petey!

Turn it again.

Turn the goddamn key right now!

[Petey] What? No!

Then give me the fucking monkey!
[grunts]

That's it!

I'm not asking nicely anymore.

Do it Kill him.

Kill my dumb shit brother, and do it now!

[whirring]

God damn you!

Strike the goddamn drum!

God-fucking

I command you!

[dramatic music]

Fuck.

God Will you, please?

[grunting]

Goddamn it!

[heavy breathing]

God.

How are you so goddamn strong?

[music rising]

- [drumbeat]
- [Bill yelps]

[groaning]

[grunting]

Hey!

Huh? Petey!

Oh, Jesus Christ!

Ah, thank God Come on

[whirring]
- [Bill] God damn it!

[heavy breathing]

[ominous music]

[weird slow drumming]

[drumming speeding up]

[ominous music rising]

[music and drumming stops]

[heavy breathing]

What did I do wrong?

[distant rumbling]

[distant screams]

- [explosion]
- What is that?

[groaning]

[plane crashing]

[distant screams]

- [drum beat]
- [dramatic tone]

Jesus Christ!

[drumbeat]

[body squelching]

Ah! God!

[scared breathing]

What the.

Bill.

[Hal] Fuck The drumstick's still up, Petey.

Hello, dumb shit.

That's all you can say at a time
like this, you fucker?!

Dumb shit's what you are.

Fuck You fuck!

[Bill grunts]

[both breathing heavily]

[Hal] Jesus Christ, Bill.

You were really trying
to kill me, weren't you?

Of course I was.

That's what all this carnage
was for, huh?

You could've killed Petey!

You could've killed my fucking son!

For what? Why?

'Cause you killed my mum

[sombre music]

And I know you wanted to kill me.

But the goddamn thing doesn't
take requests, obviously

[grunts]

I've been turning the key
with you in mind for days.

Nothing

[sniffles]

Listen, Bill.

It's not my fault.

It wasn't anybody's fault.

None of us deserved
what happened to us.

[Hal] We just happened to be
there when it did.

Mummy?

I'm sorry, Bill

[soft, sorrowful music]

But I guess I gotta go now.

[Hal] Everybody dies, and that's life.

I'm sorry your mum died.

It fucking sucks.

I know how you feel.

She was my mum, too.

Oh, yeah

[sad chuckle]

I guess she was.

Never thought about it like that.

[Bill] Innocent mistake, I guess.

Sure.

Makes sense, though, you know.

We're brothers.

[Bill] Twins.

Right.

I'm sorry.

I wish we could have been there
for each other

when we were kids.

But we're here now.

What do you say, Bill?

Brothers again?

[emotional music rising]

Sure

[teasing exclamation]

Nah

[emotional music]

[Bill chuckles]

I'm sorry

[emotional music]

So what, you two are on some
kind of road trip or something?

Yeah.

A kind of

father-son road trip, right?

Cool.

I would like to have done that

with somebody at least once.

So come with us

[emotional music rising]

[drum beat]

[creaking]

[mechanical whirring]

Jesus!

[blood sputtering]

[church organ]

[heavy breathing]

Fuck

[slow squelching]

[distant croaking]

[birds chirping]

[ashes sizzling softly]

So Uncle Bill pretty much

wiped out half the town
where you grew up, huh?

Yeah

[car alarm wailing]

[Petey] I mean, I get that everybody dies,

and that's life, but

it's just, like, everybody dies,

you know, at the same time

[woman shrieking]

So, uh

what do you want to do now?

I guess we gotta figure out what
we're gonna do with the monkey.

We keep it close.

We accept that it's ours

and we hold on tight

[ominous music]

[hooves clicking]

[horse huffing softly]

[hooves clicking]

[small chuckle]

Hey, I just got an idea
of what we should do right now.

Let's go dancing.

- Dancing?
- [Hal] Yeah

[small chuckle] Like, with our bodies?

Where did that shit come from?

It comes from your grandmother.

From Lois

[soft, sorrowful music]

[Petey] Cool.

Yeah, it is cool

[sighs]

[distant cheering]

[cheering]

[horn honking]

[squelching]

["Twistin' the Night Away" by Sam Cooke]

♪ Let me tell you 'bout a place ♪

♪ Somewhere up-a New York way ♪

♪ Where the people are so gay ♪

♪ Twistin' the night away ♪

♪ Here they have a lot of fun ♪

♪ Puttin' trouble on the run ♪

♪ Man, you find the old and young ♪

♪ Twistin' the night away ♪

♪ They're twistin', twistin' ♪

♪ Everybody's feelin' great ♪

♪ They're twistin', twistin' ♪

♪ They're twistin' the night away ♪

♪ Here's a man in evening clothes ♪

♪ How he got here, I don't know but ♪

♪ Man you oughta see him go ♪

♪ Twistin' the night away ♪

♪ He's dancin' with a chick in slacks ♪

♪ She's movin' up and back ♪

♪ Oh, man, there ain't nothin' like ♪

♪ Twistin' the night away ♪

♪ They're twistin', twistin' ♪

♪ Everybody's feelin' great ♪

♪ They're twistin', twistin' ♪

♪ They're twistin' the night
Let's twist a while ♪

♪ Lean up ♪

♪ Lean back ♪

♪ Lean up ♪

♪ Lean back ♪

♪ Watusi ♪

♪ Now fly ♪

♪ Now twist ♪

♪ They're twistin' the night away ♪

♪ Here's a fella in blue jeans ♪

♪ Dancin' with an older queen ♪

♪ Who's dolled up in her diamond rings ♪

♪ And twistin' the night away ♪

♪ Man, you oughta see her go ♪

♪ Twistin' to the rock and roll ♪

♪ Here you find the young and old ♪

♪ Twistin' the night away ♪

♪ They're twistin', twistin', man ♪

♪ Everybody's feelin' great ♪

♪ They're twistin', twistin' ♪

♪ They're twistin' the night ♪

♪ One more time ♪

♪ Lean up ♪

♪ Lean back ♪

♪ Lean up ♪

♪ Lean back ♪

♪ Watusi ♪

♪ Now fly ♪

♪ Now twist ♪

("Twistin' the Night Away"
by Sam Cooke ends)

("Sleepers" by Spectral Tilt starts)

("Sleepers" by Spectral Tilt fades out)

[dark, suspenseful music]

[music fades]

[circus music starts]

[circus music ends]

[high-pitched voice]
Shit, man, that sucks